


The Other Girl

by Finn4, Nashville12



Category: Daisy Jones & The Six - Taylor Jenkins Reid
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-08-21
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:49:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 57
Words: 190,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25573870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Finn4/pseuds/Finn4, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nashville12/pseuds/Nashville12
Summary: Billy Dunne, the enigmatic lead singer of the infamous band Daisy Jones and the Six, sits at a bar deciding whether or not to order a drink that will end a tumultuous battle for sobriety. But, as all good rock and roll stories go, there’s more to it than that. Billy’s choice becomes the turning point in not just the band, but the personal lives of all of its members.Pieced together from interviews, eye witness accounts and retold by those closest to it, this alternate version of what became of one of the greatest rock bands of all time explores what the world looked like if Billy Dunne chose...The Other Girl.
Relationships: Billy Dunne & Graham Dunne, Billy Dunne/Camila Dunne, Billy Dunne/Daisy Jones, Camila Dunne and Daisy Jones
Comments: 185
Kudos: 12





	1. Chapter 1

**______  
  
Daisy**: So, how much do you want to know? Because you know I love you, but this… this is still hard to talk about. 

  
**Julia** : Everything. I think our readers deserve to know the truth, and I know I do too. 

[Daisy sighs heavily]

 **Daisy** : Ok. Well, it was getting harder and harder to be around Billy. I had finally left Nicky and I really started to feel like I was finally coming into my own as a woman and as a performer. But being clearer in every way made singing with Billy torture. The songs we had written together, the vulnerability we had both shown… I mean, we had written and put our hearts out there over and over again in the hopes of making music that made people feel something. Something that made people realize they weren’t alone. But I don’t think we ever thought about what that would do to us too. How that would affect our relationship. It got complicated really fast. I would be onstage, and I would look at him and I just…I saw him in a new light. Or maybe it was an old light that I was just starting to let in… I don’t know. All I know is that there was something there. We were two halves of the same tortured soul. I found myself pleading with my eyes when we were singing into the same mic, willing him to feel the same way about me. To…to love me. To fix me. He was the first and only person who really saw me, you know? 

**  
Julia** : Where did my mom fit into all of this?

 **  
Billy** : It was such a relief when Camila came on the road with the band. Being able to just look over at her side stage, especially while we were playing ‘Aurora’… there was nothing like it. It was a major bonus when you and your sisters were there watching with her. It made me feel like I had it all. A perfect family, a band that was on top of the world, sobriety… it was all falling into place. 

**Julia** : Until Chicago, right?

[Billy exhales sharply]

 **  
Billy** : Yeah. I guess you could say that’s where things started to really fall apart. 

**  
Camila** : I knew what was going on. I wasn’t stupid. I knew he was in love with her. It was obvious every time they looked at each other or closed the space between them to sing into the same mic. It hurt to watch, night after night. But I ultimately trusted him when he said that our family came first and that he would choose me every time. Was that a foolish thing to do? Most people would say yes. But I don’t regret it. I knew he loved me too and I don’t regret fighting for him. Fighting for our family. Sometimes the greatest love stories are the ones that don’t last.

 **  
Daisy** : Chicago was a breaking point for all of us, and none of us even realized it. I remember Karen was going through things and she and Graham were in a dark place. It was an interesting thing to observe. For so long we never even knew they were together, so to go from that to 'something is VERY wrong', was weird. Not that I paid attention back then. I felt the shift but I was so caught up in my own stuff… I couldn’t see anything other than what I wanted. And what I wanted was Billy. 

**  
Billy** : There are some days that blend together. The days where you can’t remember what you did that day, where you went, what you ate, and so on. Then there are the days where everything is still so vivid, even decades later. That was the Chicago show for me. Camila was side stage smiling at me, giving me all of the love I never deserved. But what stands out to me the most is Daisy. I remember distinctly that she was wearing a white dress with her hair pulled back into a ponytail. She had her arm full of bracelets and these massively huge hoop earrings on. That show was especially loud. Louder than most and that’s saying a lot. The cheers and applause was thunderous and I remember them shouting out…demanding really…that we play ‘Honeycomb’. I didn’t like playing that song live anymore. There was just too much surrounding it. It was just not anything I wanted to tap into every night. Not with Daisy. But that night…they weren’t going to take no for an answer. I looked over at Daisy and I could tell she was hesitant. But she is nothing if not a performer and she needs the approval of people as much as any great singer does. She knew we had to.

 **  
Daisy** : I didn’t want to play ‘honeycomb’ that night. I didn’t want to look at Billy anymore. It hurt too much. I knew if I was close enough to breathe his air that I would literally die right there on that stage. It’s a crazy thing, heartbreak. Especially when your heart breaks from someone who never had it in the first place. But Billy had my heart whether we wanted to admit it to ourselves or not back then. The crowd was cheering and screaming so loud for ‘Honeycomb’. It was not a request it was a demand. I didn’t think there was any need to give into the mob. We didn’t owe them anything and I had been working hard on not needing approval from everyone. Not having to be liked by everyone. I didn’t want to play it and I gave Billy a look that told him so. But damn if I am not just putty in his hands when he flashes those green eyes at me. I moved closer to him, joining him at his mic. He smelled like pine and musk and being that close to the man I was in love with, while his wife was looking on from the side of the stage… I don’t think there’s a worse torture in the world. 

  
**Camila** : I tried to tell myself for many years that nothing happened that night. That I’ve seen Billy and Daisy sing ‘Honeycomb’ for years and that that time was no different. But it was. Of course it was. When Daisy stepped up to that microphone… it was like watching a glass jar hit the floor and shatter into a million pieces. Her heart broke from just being around him. I tried not to get nervous, but I knew I needed to talk to her.

  
 **Billy** : The crowd was eating it up. They loved it. They hung on every note and their eyes never left Daisy. Hell, my eyes never left Daisy. I don’t know what changed that night. I didn’t ask for it. Or maybe I did. I don’t know. I guess you can only play with matches for so long before fire catches. But that night…she took my breath away. And not just because of her beauty or her talent. Her presence took my breath away. In that moment…I realized I was in love with this woman. For those three minutes, there was no one else in the world. It was just me and her, together, in a bubble, safe from the world. Her eyes were locked on mine, and I saw everything in them. I saw her pain, her struggles, my pain, our lives, her desire… a future. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I mean, until recently, I had hated the woman. I wanted nothing to do with her. But I started thinking that maybe that was just my mind trying to protect my heart from something it already knew. It was the first time that I felt like there was a real possibility that I could lose her, and I didn’t know if I could handle that.

 **  
Daisy** : He was looking at me the way I could only dream he would look at me. That song wasn’t long enough, I can tell you that. When it ended, his eyes looked over at Camila and he smiled and…I broke. Right there, on the floor, a piece of me died. Because it was then that I knew that no matter what I did or how I felt, he would always choose her. I didn’t have a place in his world.   
I had fallen in love with the right guy at the wrong time, and all of my choices over the course of my life had resulted in this. Me, right here. A junky who was in love with a guy who could never love her back…all alone. When we walked off stage, I couldn’t even look at him. I just waved goodbye as he called out “Good show!”.

 **  
Billy** : I walked offstage and ran to Camila. I had to. She was my wife. She was my everything and I still loved her more than anything. I pushed aside any thoughts of Daisy or what had happened five minutes ago. The way I felt. I just brushed it off as something that every band goes through at some point or another. I mean, how could you not, right? You’re spending all of this time with someone who has literally put your heart on paper. I remember kissing Camila and then looking over at Daisy who was watching us. I saw something in her break. I didn’t know what. Or at least I told myself I didn’t know. I remember I wished her luck or told her she did a good job or something, who knows. She didn’t even say anything. Her face just went cold, and she turned around and left. She was a mess. I turned back to you and picked you up, swinging you around and putting you on my shoulders. Then I leaned into Camila and kissed her again, but when she hugged me, my eyes couldn’t help but follow the path Daisy had just walked.

  
 **Julia** : So that’s why you went to the bar?

[Billy nods]

 **  
Billy** : Camila said that she needed to check on your sisters and relieve the sitter, as well as get you to bed. I was wired and didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to go back to the room, and I didn’t want to keep you girls up, so…I just started walking around the hotel. When I reached the lobby, my head was spinning with all kinds of thoughts. Thoughts about my life, the band, Camila, you girls…Daisy. That’s when I noticed the bar and my feet just started moving towards it. I don’t even think it was a conscious choice. It was an instinct. A survival instinct. It had been forever since I had had a drink, but that night… was heavy. I needed an escape. I told myself that I could handle it. Just a little sip, you know? Just a taste of the glory never satisfies though.

  
 **Daisy** : I had walked around the city by myself, just doing everything I could to rid my mind of Billy Dunne once and for all. I told myself everything I already knew. “He has a family”, “he has children he loves more than anything”, “you’re a toxic person”, “you would destroy him”, “you are no good for him”, “you’re no good”. It was a little after midnight when I made it back to the hotel. I walked right in like I owned the place and headed for the bar. As I got closer, a saw him. Billy. Sitting at the bar with a glass of something in his hand and he was swirling it. My fight or flight kicked in pretty strong. A part of me wanted to march right on in there and take the glass out of his hands, tell him he has too much to lose, and throw the glass against the wall. But as we’ve established by now, I’m selfish and flight won out. I couldn’t be around him. Even if it was just to help him. So, I turned around and left. I went upstairs and walked to my room, determined to take my pills and pass out for the night. I had had enough of that day.  
After I had changed and taken off my makeup, I was just about to take my pills when I heard a knock on my door. I was shocked that anyone was knocking at that hour, but I figured it was probably important. I did not expect to see her when I opened the door.

  
 **Camila** : I knew I had to fight for my family. And it was nothing against Daisy personally, but I saw Billy slowly slipping away from us inch by inch and I had to put a stop to that. He wouldn’t hear me out because he was still lying to me and himself about his feelings for Daisy. So I took matters into my own hands. I had just put you to bed and your sisters were already asleep. Your nanny-

  
 **Julia** : Cindy?

  
 **Camila** : Cindy-

  
 **Julia** : I loved her!

[Camila smiles]

 **Camila** : And she adored you girls! But anyway, your nanny had been more than happy to stay longer, so I walked to Daisy’s room and knocked on her door. I wasn’t thinking, I was just doing. She was definitely not expecting to see me when she opened the door. She let me in, and I sat down. We talked about general things for a little while. You know, the weather, the show, the tour, that sort of thing. Then I leaned over and looked her in the eyes, and I told her that I knew she was in love with my husband. I told her that I knew she loved him and that she was being tortured being around him night after night. I told her that I knew that he loved her too, but that I trusted him to do the right thing and that I would fight for our family. Our little unit. Always. I told her that I loved her too and I could easily see why everyone else did too. That I truly wanted her to find happiness and that I wanted her to find a love that makes her toes curl, but that that was not going to be my husband. 

  
**Daisy** : She told me to get out. That she wanted me nowhere around her husband or her kids and that she would pay for my plane ticket out. She said that she would tell Billy about my decision. I didn’t know what to think. She wasn’t just asking me to give up Billy, she was asking me to give up my family. The band, no matter how dysfunctional and messy we were, was a family. I didn’t think that was fair of her to ask. She had no right to control my life just to assert her dominance and ease her insecurity.

  
 **Camila** : I genuinely wanted Daisy to be happy. She was a wonderful girl with so much to offer the world if she could get her life straight. I wanted to help her get clean and check into rehab. I wanted her to heal from her scars and trauma and…I just wanted her to be able to truly live, free from Billy and free from the rock and roll lifestyle. I know people have thought over the years that I was insecure or just afraid, but I wasn’t. Sure I was nervous that Daisy was a risk to Billy’s sobriety, but I never had any animosity towards her for loving him. Look at him, how could you not?

  
 **Daisy** : I told her I would think about it, and that didn’t seem like a good enough answer for her, but she stood up and left anyway. I sat back down and held the pill bottle in my hand, rolling my thumb over the label, debating whether or not I should go away somewhere, or go to rehab, or do nothing at all and just tell Camila to go screw herself. Which would be hard to do because she is just so damn likeable. Talk about feeling insecure. That would be any woman put up next to Camila Dunne. She was a strong woman who knew what she wanted. It was really hard not to like her. But it was easier every time I saw her with Billy. I sat there for ten minutes, just rolling the bottle around in my hand. There was another knock on my door, and I figured Camila was back wanting an answer. I ignored it, but it persisted. I remember feeling extremely annoyed as I stood up and walked to the door. When I opened it, my heart dropped.

  
 **Billy** : I don’t know how I ended up outside of Daisy’s door that night. I really don’t. It was like a magnetic force was pulling me towards her. I had to see her. I NEEDED to see her. Touch her. Be with her. Even if it was just for a night. I was drunk and lost and…she made sense in that moment. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Billy** : I remember holding that tequila in my hand and wondering how many different ways this could play out, you know? Listening to this guy talk to me at the bar. Asking me about your mom. About you and the twins. I remember taking your pictures out of my wallet and I know it was more for me than him. I stared at you. The four of you. And I wanted so badly to be the man you all deserved. You know that. You have to know that. But right then, sitting at that bar, I just wasn’t. I was my father. And I didn’t deserve any of you.

**Camila** : When I left Daisy’s room I felt so sick in the hallway that I stood there for awhile. I leaned against the wall thinking: if you’re gonna throw up do it out here and not in front of Cindy and the girls. I didn’t ever want you girls to see your dad like that and I sure as hell wasn’t gonna let you see me like that either. It finally passed but not before I heard your dad come off the elevator. You know when you know someone so well that the little things become the big things? I could tell by the way he was walking, by the shuffle of his feet. I knew he had been drinking. And I hated him for it.

**Daisy** : I was so selfish. We both were. But in that moment it was me. It was my turn. Your mom had been right. I should have left. And in that moment I should have told him I was leaving. That was all I owed him. I could smell the tequila on his breath and it just made me so sad. So incredibly sad.

**Julia** : What was it that made you hate him?

**Camila** : [long pause] I knew that it wasn’t about choosing the drink. It was about everything that came with it. That was your dad...

...choosing Daisy.

I knew if I waited for him to come to me in the hallway, he would come back with me. He would tell me how sorry he was. He would promise to do better. I had made so many decisions for your dad. I had saved him from himself so many times. And I knew, for both of us...for all of us...he was going to have to do it himself that time. And I knew, I had seen it that night, I knew what he would decide. He wasn’t losing us, honey, he was losing himself. I just...trusted he would find us again. 

**Julia** : What was is that made you sad?

**Daisy** :He wasn’t himself. Nobody knows better than me about making bad choices. He was making one. But I wanted him to make it. I wouldn’t help him unmake it. I wanted him. Julia, you know I love him. I will always love him. And if I could go back and tell him to go back to you and your mom...for a long time I told myself I wouldn’t. But I know now, I would. I’m sorry I wasn’t stronger then. I’m really sorry.

**Billy** : When Daisy opened the door, still dressed like I had seen her on stage...twirling that damn bottle in her hand. It was like, I knew I was being tested. It was so obvious, literally standing there with drugs in her hand and it should have been the thing that sent me running back to your mom. To Camila. And I didn’t. I couldn’t.

**Camila:** I sat on the other side of the door and cried. I knew he wasn’t coming.

**Daisy** : Billy Dunne was the most handsome man I had ever seen. People would always say to him that he looked the same in person as he did on TV or in the magazines or record covers. Like they thought he’d be some kind of troll. [Daisy laughs] But when I looked at him leaning against the door to my hotel room...well let’s just say I’m not the kind of person who could have said no to that. Not that night. 

**Graham** : I remember searching the lobby for Billy, going out of my mind, then I heard this guy in the bar talking about how Billy Dunne had just signed a cocktail napkin for his girl. And they had a drink. I knew, I knew he had fucked up. And I was worried that wherever he was - he was probably continuing to fuck up. But I was done babysitting him. That night in Chicago I decided. I was done just giving him everything he needed. I was done being Billy Dunne’s baby brother.

**Billy** : Daisy let me in. I knew she would. You know, for all that she was, I knew that if Camila had seen me like that she would have hated me. That look of disappointment that your mom had down to a damn science. I couldn’t take it. I couldn’t walk into that room and see you and your sisters asleep and know that in just a few minutes I risked all of it. But Daisy? Daisy never judged me. Not for that anyway. I knew she knew I wanted to stay clean. But she was the only one who understood how impossible it could be. She just...invited me in. Didn’t ask, didn’t have to, just kinda pulled me into her and held me there. I think she even dropped the bottle. I don’t remember.

**Daisy** : I dropped the pills. I held Billy and dropped the pills. From one addiction to the next. He let me hold him before he held me back. And then he held me, he really held me. Everyone should be held like that at least once in their life. We didn’t talk, just stood there holding each other.

**Billy** : And then Daisy poured me a drink. 

**Daisy:** Maybe I knew it was the only way to keep him there. Or I thought that if Camila came back and he was just drunk enough she would blame me and not him. Or maybe I thought that was what he wanted. The booze. And not me. I don’t know which I thought would be worse. But I poured it. And...I walked back to him. He hadn’t moved and I remember thinking that was strange. But as I walked towards him I raised it to my lips and took a drink. 

**Billy** : Seeing her sip on that drink, the way the ice moved in it, the way I could see her tongue and her lips on it the way mine had been dying to. I thought nothing in the world could make me want to get drunk more than the way I had felt at that bar when I needed it so bad. Man...I was wrong. I wanted it. So badly. I wanted her. So...badly.

**Daisy** : I thought about passing it to him. That was my intention, you know? But instead I just shot the whole thing. I moved back into him and lifted that glass and poured it all into the back of my throat. I hadn’t swallowed before he took the glass from my hand and...I’m sure he meant to sit it down but he dropped it and it shattered. Glass everywhere.

**Julia** : So you didn’t go after him then? You went back to your room.

**Graham** : [long silence] Shit. No. I mean I should have, right? I absolutely should have. But I thought about you. The twins. Your mom. I wanted to make sure he made it back to you cause I knew your mom would knock him down a fucking peg and then I wouldn’t have to. And really I thought about talking to your mom, about Karen. I needed someone to care. So I went up to your floor and I passed Daisy’s room on the way to your moms. I only stopped cause I heard some glass break. So I knocked. I wanted to make sure she was ok. And....[Graham pauses]...I heard your dad. I thought maybe they were fighting.

...

...

They weren’t fighting.

**Julia** : What did you hear then?

**Graham** : Kiddo, if you’re gonna hear this it’s not gonna be from me.


	3. Chapter 3

**Billy** : Damnit, Graham. [winces] I’m not going to tell you about that, sweetheart. I love you too much and that would just be…weird.

  
 **  
Daisy** : Oh, Jules… I don’t think I want to get into specifics.

  
 **Julia** : You, of all people, owe me this. I’m a grown woman, Daisy. I can handle it.

  
[Daisy takes a deep breath as she looks into the distance and recounts that night]

  
 **Daisy** : Ok. Well, he had shown up at my door…

_____  
 **  
1979**

  
**_“What are you doing here, Billy?_ **

**_Daisy whispered into his shoulder as they held each other._ **

**_“I don’t know.”_ **

**_He whispered into her hair, fully letting the scent of her shampoo overtake his senses. She smelled so different from Camila. Even her skin smelled sweet. It was easy to get lost in the scent of her._ **

**_When they broke their embrace, he watched Daisy take a sip of the drink in her hand._ **   
**_  
The way her tongue moved as it tasted the liquid in her glass…he couldn’t help but wish that his mouth was that glass right then. He could feel his body reacting to her, and he quickly turned around, his back to her, his hand on the back of his neck, processing through what was happening in that moment and trying to think about anything other than her in the hopes of keeping his body from fully betraying him._ **

**_Everything inside of him was screaming for him to leave. Snap out of it. You have too much to lose. You love Camila. But in that moment, he couldn’t even picture Camila’s face. Not with Daisy staring at him like that._ **

**_“Well do you want to sit down?”_ **

**_She chugged the whole glass as she watched him, never breaking eye contact. She then began to move to a chair as Billy moved towards her, a look of pain and desire on his face._ **

**_He grabbed her glass away from her and the look on her face as he did so made him drop the glass right there; the only sound in the room was their heartbeats and the sound of shattering glass._ **

**_They were inches away from each other now as Billy closed the gap, his eyes dark with lust._ **

**_Daisy swallowed hard before managing to squeak out a sentence._ **

**_“Do you want a drink?” Her eyes were searching Billy’s. She knew what she was asking, and so did he._ **

**_Their bodies were rising and falling with their short breaths, neither one of them able to take a steady breath._ **

**_  
“No.”_ **

**_  
As Billy said those words, he grabbed Daisy around the waist and pulled her into him, their lips crashing together like waves crashing on the rocks._ **

**_It was electric.  
  
They were on fire and they both felt higher than any drug had ever made them._ **

**_Daisy reached her hands up under his chin, their kisses chaste at first, but slowly growing into a flame too big for them to handle._ **

**_She wrapped her arms around his neck, and he pulled her closer to his chest, both of his arms wrapping around her small figure. Daisy felt the beginnings of his erection pressing against her stomach, and she moaned into his mouth._ **

**_Billy was lost. But in this moment, he didn’t want to be found.  
  
Every thought, desire, or glance that they had shared over time, flooding him now. The lies he had told himself to keep her at bay were pushed out the window and it was just him with the woman who had slowly stolen his heart little by little and he hadn’t even realized it. _ **

**_Daisy began pulling him towards the couch that was in the sitting area. She fell back on it as her foot kicked more glass off of the coffee table. Billy leaned over her, their hands working furiously to explore each other and release all of the tension that had built up between them from the moment they met._ **

**_Daisy pulled his shirt off and he pushed her dress up, pressing himself, still clothed, into her._ **

**_She lifted her leg up, running her foot and leg up the side of him, and she marveled as she watched the goosebumps rise on his skin as she did._ **

**_He began kissing her neck and moving his hips into her over her panties. He was shocked that she was wearing any at all, but she was so wet, it was like they weren’t even there._ **

**_Billy reached a hand up under her dress and grabbed one of her breasts, palming it and reveling in its smoothness and the perkiness Camila had lost after three children._ **

**_They were sweating and panting and moaning in unison. Billy moved his face from her neck and began kissing her right as there was a loud pounding on the door…_ **

_________

 **Graham** : You know what happened. I really don’t need to give you details. But I was pissed. I pounded on that door and I heard everything go quiet. I continued pounding - your face, Camila’s face, your sisters’ faces…all of them were flashing in my head as I pounded. I was also pissed that I really needed my brother that night and he blew me off, for THIS. No. I wasn’t going to let that slide.

  
 **Daisy** : We froze. I was under him and dripping with sweat and…other things... and Billy was frozen on top of me, still erect. We looked at the door and Billy put a finger to his lips, telling me to be quiet.   
His face was red, and we were terrified that it was Camila busting us. Looking back, I wish it was. I think that might have been what actually snapped us out of it. Instead the pounding got louder, and we heard Graham start quietly yelling that he was going to kill Billy. I remember your dad’s face when he heard Graham’s voice. He flinched and sighed and rolled off of me, laying on the ground with his hands resting on his chest as he tried to catch his breath and...deflate. He looked over at me and I remember feeling so much hope because his eyes were sad. And I knew they were sad because he didn’t get to finish what he started.  
God, I really hate telling you all of this. Are you sure you want to hear it all?

  
 **Julia** : Yes. I’m sure. I need to know about this time in my life that is kind of a blur. I want to know how you two went from hating each other, to almost sleeping with each other, to hating each other again, to… you know. There’s a lot here, Dais. 

[Daisy nodded]

 **Daisy** : Ok... Graham didn’t stop, so Billy eventually stood up and I’ll never forget this… he leaned down and kissed me. Really kissed me. Not drunkenly, not sloppily, not out of guilt and not goodbye. It was more of a thank you. I wanted to keep him there with me. I needed to keep him there with me. But then Graham called out through the door “What do you think your daughters would think of you right now?”, and I watched his face go white. His heart sunk right there and the reality of what we had just done, or almost done, hit him like a truck going 75. He grabbed his shirt and his jacket, slipping both on and fixing his hair before he walked over the broken glass, crunching it under his feet. He reached the door and he didn’t turn around. He didn’t look back at me. He didn’t say anything. He just…left.

  
 **Billy** : I knew I had fucked up. I mean, I would have to be dead to not know that. And even then, Camila and Graham would probably still hunt my ass down and yell at me. It hadn’t even been remotely sexy with Daisy. It was rushed and hurried and there was so much sweat and… it was just gross. I remember rolling off of her and it hit me that I had seriously messed up. I heard Graham knocking and I told myself that I was relieved. Thankful even. But when I put my shirt on and it slid over my head, I smelled Daisy all over it. My heart started pounding against my will because that smell seriously turned me on. It was a mix of honey and vodka and it smelled like heaven. She was everything I didn’t have at the moment and it was hard to leave. I really did want to finish what we had started. Not rushed...taking my time. I was drunk, Jules. I was in a weird place. I looked at her the whole time I moved to the door. I told her I would be back even though I knew I wouldn’t. But I wanted to. God did I want to.

  
 **Graham** : When he opened that door, I could smell the sex. He swore nothing happened. He still swears that to this day. But… I’ve never believed him. Either way, I grabbed him by the collar and yanked him out of that room. I threw him against the wall, surprising even myself by my strength. But I think I just had so much anger in me right then – Anger about stuff with Karen, anger with Billy never being the big brother I needed him to be, and anger that Daisy Jones was ruining my brother a little bit at a time while his wife and my beautiful nieces were sleeping down the hall. Daisy had essentially made Billy the frog in the pot.

  
 **Julia** : How so?

  
 **Graham** : You know, the frog in the pot. If you put a frog in a boiling pot of water, it will jump out and run away, but if you put a frog in a pot of cold water and slowly turn up the heat, the frog won’t notice and it will burn to death. That’s what Daisy did to Billy. She put him in a cold pot. The sad thing was, even when I pulled him out of the room that day, he never got out of the pot. I told him that he was making the biggest mistake of his life and that if he blew it with Camila, then he was a damn fool. I told him to think about you and your sisters. To think about the life he had promised your mom and the life he wanted. I told him to think about our father and what it had been like for us growing up without him. I told him to stop being a fuck up.

  
 **Billy:** Graham was pissed. And I get it. But everything he said… it wasn’t new information to me. I knew all of that. I loved you and your mom and your sisters. That was not the issue here. But as he continued yelling at me and bringing up our father and calling me a fuck up, I felt all of this weight landing on my shoulders. The weight of having to be perfect. For the band, for my family… I had to provide the perfect life and the perfect future and… it was suffocating. As he was talking, I looked behind him to Daisy’s door. I was realizing as Graham was talking and I was zoning out, that Daisy felt like the only safe place I could go - booze and pills and all. She was the only one who wanted me for me and she was the only one who didn’t care how much I had screwed up in my life because she was in the same trenches. It was like this light went off in my head and I saw that Daisy Jones loved me for me. Every version of me. Not just the version she hoped I’d be like Camila had done for so long.   
Graham was still going on and on about what it was like for us growing up without our father in the home, but I just tuned him out. The only thing I was paying attention to was that bedroom door. I watched as it slowly opened while Graham was talking about Camila, saying everything I knew, like how amazing she was, how she’s put up with my shit for a long time, how I have never deserved her and I need to do everything in my power for the rest of my life to give her everything I’ve promised her…and so on. But all I could focus on was Daisy slipping out of that door in a leopard print coat and heels, making her even taller than she was normally. She didn’t even look at me…us…as she turned and walked down the hall in the opposite direction, and all I wanted to do was follow her.

  
 **Graham** : He wasn’t listening to me. I was trying. Hard. I even slapped him a couple of times to snap him out of it and he didn’t even notice. Frog in the pot, man. Frog in the pot.


	4. Chapter 4

**Billy** : Graham was pissed. And he shoulda been. I didn’t know at the time just how much, but he should have been. He was telling me what I needed to hear and I know that, but I wasn’t listening. Especially once I saw Daisy slip out and leave behind him. [Billy pauses] I do need you to know that we didn’t have sex that night. Your uncle is still sure we did. I’ve lied to him about more than I care to admit. And he’s usually right. But that night...he wasn’t. You make sure and tell him.

**Julia** : Well it sounds like maybe you would have had it not been for him, so maybe we shouldn’t poke that bear.

**Billy** : You are your mother’s daughter you know that? And alright.

**Graham** : I love your dad. I do. I looked up to him then and I look up to him now. He’s the reason I’m the man I am. But that’s why it hurt so bad to watch him screw up over and over. When your hero takes a fall, you know? And man could he just make falling look good. Like, he liked the falling. But it made me angry. At our dad, really, cause Billy just never knew any better. And your mom tried to beat it out of him. But that shit goes deep. Deeper than either of us realized. I remember back when The Dunne Brothers played that wedding and we saw him. Our dad. I remember being shook by it but blowing it off. Your dad pretended to blow it off. He didn’t. Never could. Anyway...I’m rambling here...the point is...that night in Chicago? I felt the way Billy felt when we saw him: I was like, I am right here and you don’t even see me. I shoved him hard into the wall, and any other time Billy would shove me right back. That night he just took it. And I think we both know why.

**Daisy** : I had to leave. My room still smelled like him and I just laid on the couch closing my eyes willing him to come back. But I heard Graham really giving it to him and I knew there was no way Graham was gonna let that happen. I didn’t blame him. But laying there listening to him tell Billy how stupid he was to want someone like me...yeah, that hurt. So I threw a coat on. I didn’t change, didn’t clean up. I just left. Knowing I’d have to walk right past them. Luckily, Graham had his back to me cause I didn’t want to have to see him. But I did want to see Billy. I needed him to see me leave. To see what he had done. Even if it hadn’t been on him, I needed to punish him for it. I wanted him to see the mess he was making. It sounds horrible saying it now, but I did.

**Graham** : When I saw him follow Daisy with his eyes as she left, it was like when we were kids. The ice cream truck would drive by our house and, of course, you know we could never afford it. But man we would just sit on the stoop waiting for it. Waiting for those kaleidoscope chimes and just watch it. Thinking maybe someday the driver would just pity us enough to through us a bone. I swear some days I thought Billy was working up a plan to either sweet talk some girl into buying him something or holding up the driver. [Graham laughs] That’s your dad. Always extremes. Anyway. He looked at Daisy like the damn ice cream truck. Like he couldn’t take his eyes of her. So....I shoved him again.

**Julia** : How did you wind up back at our room?

**Billy** : Graham was doing his best to talk some sense into me. And I was trying to listen, I really was. When Daisy left I was pretty sure she was trying to do me a favor. Because I would have gone back in. I know I would have. Graham pushed me. He was lucky I was in a bad spot and didn’t push back. But he pushed me down the hall. So I went. I tucked my tail between my legs and I went. Of course I couldn’t find my key...

**Graham** : I told him I was going after Daisy so he didn’t have to. And he had to make things right. I wanted to tell him right there about everything. About the band, how the wheels were already off, about Karen. But I didn’t. He couldn’t handle it and hell he probably wouldn’t have given a shit anyway. But I stood there and watched him walk back and knock. I didn’t leave ‘til I saw your mom. And I couldn’t look at her. 

**Billy** : I knocked and your mom let me in. I couldn’t look at her.

**Julia** : What was he like? When he came back? Was he sorry?

**Camila** : [inhales deeply] Honey, he was always sorry. And he always meant it, he really did. Your dad’s got some demons. And most of the time he can handle them. That night, those months, he couldn’t. And I couldn’t make him do it. But I never had to make him be sorry. That he could always do for himself. Feel sorry for all the things he messed up. The only thing I could do was keep you girls from seeing it. Because he could hurt me. And boy could he hurt Daisy. But he wouldn’t forgive himself for hurting you. We both know that.

**Billy** : I love your mom. I’ll always love her. And when she opened that door the weight of that love almost crushed me. It sounds stupid I know it does. To be sad about something that I was doing myself. But I tried to move into the room, mostly cause I could feel Graham still staring at me. The two of them staring at me. But Camila pushed me right back. Right into the hallway, and she closed the door behind her.

**Camila** : I pushed him hard. I had only really ever hit your dad twice. The first time I found him on the bus with some groupie and that night. I remember thinking, ‘I wish Daisy was just some groupie’ because that was an easy fix. This was not. Not even close. I pushed him hard and...[Camila pauses]...he just looked like a wounded dog. I felt sorry for a split second and then I smelled her. I smelled Daisy on him. And not just Daisy’s perfume. Just...Daisy. And I wanted to punch him. So I did.

**Billy** : Your mom had a mean left hook, don’t let anyone ever tell you otherwise.

**Camila** :I punched him. I don’t remember where. Maybe the chest, or the jaw. I remember everything so clearly about Chicago but I think I hated that so much I just...blocked it out.

**Graham** : I saw Camila punch him square in the mouth and I thought...ok. She’s got this.

**Camila** : I was so angry. At him, and Daisy, at myself. I just felt betrayed. I thought she and I understood each other. And, in a way we did. In that we both loved your dad so much there was no seeing straight. No getting around it. It wasn’t just one of us that had to break to see that, it was all of us. We all broke. I pushed him out of the room and I told him my girls were not going to see him like that. Or smell him like that. Or know him like that.

**Billy:** ‘My girls’ she called you. And I remember it hurt more than any punch. You were OUR girls. You always were. And I heard what she was saying. If I didn’t clean up, that wasn’t gonna be the case. I made myself look at her and I told her how sorry I was. And I really was. I was so fucking sorry. I just didn’t know what for.

**Julia** : You cried. I remember.

**Billy** : [Billy pauses for a long while, inhales several times] I’m sorry you remember that.

**Camila** : When you came into the hall your dad saw you first, behind me. And you had run to him before I could catch you. He scooped you up and held you. Rocked you side to side. ‘My Jules...’ he whispered. You always loved when he came home. He would wake you up no matter how late it was and no matter how mad it made me. [She laughs] And really it didn’t make me mad, because watching the two of you like that was one of my favorite things. Your dad looked at me as he rocked you. And I knew he was sorry. And I knew he loved me. Loved us. And I thought we could be ok.

...

Then he passed you back to me and you smelled like Daisy. That was it.

**Billy** : When you came out into that hallway, it was like the world stopped for just a minute. You jumped up on me, like you always did, like a monkey in a tree. And I just wanted to hang onto you like that forever. I didn’t want to think about...hell...I didn’t want to think about someday having to sit down with you like this. Explain what happened. Make sure you knew, like I never did, that your dad loved you no matter what. Even if he didn’t show it the way he was supposed to. I...Jules.... [Billy pauses, a pause that goes on for too long.]

**Julia** : I always knew you loved me, dad. We all did.


	5. Chapter 5

**Daisy** : The air was extra cold that night. It was the middle of July, but I felt like I was freezing. That coat did nothing for me. I wrapped my arms around my body as I walked aimlessly, no destination in mind. I don’t know why I wore heels. My legs were shaky enough as it was, but that night…I was more shaken up than usual. But, let’s be real, they made my legs and butt look really good and I wanted Billy to see that.

  
**Julia** : What were you planning on doing in such a busy city at 2am?  
  
  
**Daisy** : I don’t know. I honestly had nothing in mind. I didn’t even want to get wasted because all I wanted to do was be with Billy. I wanted to feel the weight of him on top of me and finish what we had started. So, I guess I was…buying time? Letting Graham get everything out of his system so that I could slip back in and find Billy. It wasn’t rational, I know. But it’s the truth. 

  
**Graham** : After I saw Camila punch Billy, I turned and ran out of that hotel as fast as I could. I wanted to find Daisy and take care of all of this once and for all. I remember looking to my left and right, not knowing which way she went. I saw some flashing lights on a jazz club sign, and I figured, music and booze equals Daisy, so I went that way. 

  
**Daisy** : I had seen a sign for a jazz club, and while I didn’t want to get wasted, I was cool with escaping into some blues. It may not have been rock and roll, but jazz and blues…that music feeds the soul and understands heartbreak too. I was just about to open the door when I heard a man running behind me and before I could even turn around, his hand was on my shoulder. 

  
**  
Graham** : I was panting like crazy and I could barely breathe, but I told her that we needed to talk. She looked shocked to see me. She thought she was being sly, but I noticed her eyes looking behind me, hoping Billy was with me.

  
**  
Daisy:** I was relieved when I didn’t see Billy behind him. I didn’t want Graham airing all of our dirty laundry out in the middle of downtown Chicago. He told me we needed to talk, so I opened the door and motioned for him to go inside. He shook his head and started walking past me down the sidewalk, hands in his pockets, expecting me to follow him. I didn’t want to. I wanted to walk into that club and try to forget about the night for just a few hours. But my curiosity got the best of me.

  
**Julia** : Why didn’t you go into the club?

  
**Graham** : Because that would have been a safety net for her. We wouldn’t have been able to talk at all. She’s Daisy fucking Jones. I can guarantee everyone in there would know who she was, and I wouldn’t get a word in edgewise. No, this was too important.

  
**Daisy** : He kept walking, ignoring me as I ran, not well mind you, to catch up with him. We found a little park and he sat down on a park bench. I stood in front of him, but he scooted over, implying that I needed to sit. His hands were still in his pockets, and he was staring straight ahead as he spoke…

______

**1979**

_**  
“This isn’t ok, you know.” Graham watched as the city was alive and moving the same way at 2am as it did at noon; people coming and going, taxis honking and making noise, people stumbling out of bars...** _

_**  
“I know.” Daisy put her hands in her pockets as she looked down at her feet, swinging her legs out of nervousness.** _ _**“But I love him, Graham.”** _

_**  
“I know.” He still wasn’t facing her.** _ _**“I do too. He’s my brother but…Camila is my sister too. She is such a remarkable woman and you are not going to hurt them. Billy can be a dick sometimes, but I would die for that man, and his family. This can’t keep going on, Daisy.” He turned to look at her and she met his eyes.** _

  
_**“We didn’t have sex, Graham.”** _

_**  
Graham's voice was steady but cold.  
  
“But you wanted to. And if I hadn’t pounded on that door, you would have. What’s stopping it from happening another time? And if it does, what then? Are you expecting him to leave his family? Are you wanting to screw over the band and burn it to the ground too? He’s never going to choose you, Daisy… You need to get the fuck out of here. Go away, and never come back. Leave Billy alone. You are a ticking time bomb and I don’t want my family anywhere around when you go off.”** _

_**  
Daisy’s disposition went from weak and sad, to a raging mad woman. She stood up and stood right in front of him, forcing him to look up at her.** _

_**  
“Well fuck you, Graham Dunne. You’re just pissed because you were never as talented or good looking as Billy. You are the invisible Dunne brother, and no one cares about you. Not Billy, not your father…not even Karen.”** _

_**  
She turned and stormed away as Graham felt his heart crack from her words.** _

__________

 **Daisy** : [tears fill her eyes] I was horrible to Graham. Horrible. I still get sick to my stomach when I think about what I said to him. Because he was right. I knew it. As I walked back towards the hotel, both conversations with Camila and Graham were playing in my head, feeding every insecurity I had. Every negative thing I knew and thought about myself already, they vocalized it. 

  
**Julia** : I remember not seeing you for a while after that. Which was hard for a five-year-old to understand because you were one of my most favorite people at that age. I mean, you still are but…

  
**Daisy:** [smiles weakly] I know. I’m so sorry, sweetie. It was so messy. When I reached the front door of the hotel, I looked inside, and I saw Billy Dunne sleeping on one of the lobby couches. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I wanted nothing more than to run to him, kiss him and bring him back to my room. But Graham’s words were running through my mind, “ _You’re a ticking time bomb and I don’t want my family anywhere around you when it goes off_ ”. So, I turned around and hailed a cab instead and headed straight for the airport.

  
**  
Billy** : Camila had kicked me out, Graham was nowhere to be found and even if he was, I don’t think he would have let me stay with him. I couldn’t go to Karen’s room. Daisy was gone. Warren was in some groupie’s room, and Pete was staying with Eddie, so… I went to the lobby. I know I could have gotten another room, and maybe I should have, but I thought that that would draw more attention to my marital issues than me just looking like I crashed on a couch before I could get upstairs. I had never felt lonelier in my entire life than I did in that moment. I had no one. Literally.

  
**Julia** : You had us, dad…

  
**Billy** : [Tears wet his eyes] I know, sweetheart. But you were five and your sisters were even younger and…you didn’t need to see me like that. I wanted to be super dad, you know? Besides, it took a lot for me to even sit down and do this here today. It would have been worse if I had to explain things to you when you were even younger. 

  
**Julia** : So, why didn’t you go look for Daisy? Or why didn’t you try harder with mom?

  
**Billy** : [sighs heavily] Your mom… well you know her. She is a strong woman. Sometimes to a fault. And she won’t be pushed around. I had said my piece and she knew where I stood. She was the one who kicked me out. I couldn’t push it or I would have made it even worse. If that was even possible by that point. I didn’t go after Daisy because I didn’t know I needed to. I thought she was probably going to get some air or going to a bar or something. I fully expected to see her in the morning. Honestly, that’s the only way I got any sleep that night. The promise of Camila cooling down the next day, and the thought of seeing Daisy in the morning. If nothing else, we needed to talk. Like a full blown, get it all out on the table, talk. 

  
**  
Julia** : Did you think about going back to the hotel even while you were on the way to the airport?

  
**  
Daisy** : Honey, I thought about going back to the hotel on the taxi ride there, while I was buying my ticket, while I was waiting to board, and while I was sitting on the plane itself, waiting for takeoff. But I needed to escape. I needed to breathe and clear my head and I needed… I needed him to miss me. It was my last hope. If I gave Camila and Graham what they wanted and Billy still missed me…then maybe I could prove the voices in my head that told me I was never good enough for him, or that he would never choose me, wrong. I left my heart in that hotel that night, and I just hoped that he would bring it back to me.

  
**Julia** : So, what was it like that next morning when you saw mom and realized Daisy was gone?

  
**Billy** : Well, I didn’t realize Daisy was gone gone for a few days. That was who she was. That was what she did. She would not show up for a session or show up late for a show or… I just figured she was hitting the pills hard. Which killed me because I didn’t want her lying in a gutter somewhere having just overdosed. But I tried to stay focused on my family and the three of you girls, telling myself that Daisy not being around was a good thing. Less temptation to do something stupid, you know? But she was always in the back of my mind. Now your mom…

  
**Camila** : I was still mad in the morning. I didn’t want to see him, but you were asking for him and wondering where he was, and I had figured he had slept the booze off by then, so I smiled and got the three of you ready for breakfast and called Graham’s room, figuring he had crashed there. When Graham told me that he hadn’t, I got a little nervous, not gonna lie. Especially because no one knew where Daisy was either. But I wasn’t going to let you girls see me getting nervous or upset, so I plastered on my best mommy smile and voice and told you we were going on an adventure because daddy was playing hide and seek and he was probably a big hungry bear. The excited, innocent looks on your faces…[happy tears well in her eyes] that made everything ok. 

  
**  
Julia** : I remember that! It was so fun. I can’t believe that all of this was going on during that. You never let any of that show… thanks for that, mom.

  
**  
Camila** : That’s what a mom does, baby girl. Makes everything ok. But you did that for me too, so thank you right back.

  
**Julia** : I remember finding dad on the couch still asleep, and you told us to go pile on him to wake him up…

  
**Camila** : [laughs] Yep. I remember that too. I was shocked to see him in the lobby, but I was relieved. He wasn’t with her. But I was still mad so I wanted you girls to go attack him for me or else I might have snapped. But Billy Dunne as a dad… that image can’t be beat. He shot up like he had been pretending to be asleep, grabbing you girls and roaring like a bear and it was just a perfect moment. We were a family. We went to breakfast and as we walked, your dad grabbed my hand and... I let him. I loved him so much, Jules. I still do. Even in the pain, my heart was always his.

  
**Julia** : So where did you go? I always thought you went back to your princess tower or to go fight crime or something, when I was little. But now, I’m guessing…Fiji?

  
**  
Daisy** : [exhales and pauses] Pennsylvania. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Rod** : When Daisy called to say she was leaving, I can’t say I was surprised. I already knew Pete and Eddie were done. And when Eddie is done, he’s done, even if I could have sweet talked Pete. And Graham and Karen? Forget being in a band together, they could barely stand to be in the same state as each other. So when Daisy called and said she split...I was almost glad. I mean, sure, no one worried about the headache that I would have trying to figure out what the hell to do with the rest of the tour but, whatever it was was gonna be easier than convincing these guys to all do it just to help save my ass.

**Karen** : Did I know the band was over? Oh yeah. We all knew. It was like everything felt the same but completely different at the same time. And you can’t keep faking it. I was exhausted. Physically, mentally, just beat. And that was without Graham shooting daggers at me all the time. I needed out. We all did.

**Rod** : I asked Daisy...why Pennsylvania? I assumed she had some hippie shaman friend or something that was gonna help her figure herself out...but in Scranton? Hell, why not go to Detroit? Didn’t make sense to me but Daisy never made any sense. That was what we liked about her. Most of the time.

**Karen** : Rod told me about Daisy leaving. I knew he told me because he wanted someone to have a pulse on her. He had his hands full. I was sad she didn’t say goodbye. I was sad I couldn’t have told her what happened. I guess we had one thing in common at that point: running from the Dunne boys.

**Camila** : When I heard through the grapevine that Daisy Jones was in Pennsylvania I thought...you have got to be fucking kidding me.

_________

** 1979 **

_**Daisy Jones hid out in Point Breeze, Pennsylvania, a suburb of Pittsburgh. She rented a small bungalow and disappeared for weeks. She was careful to keep to herself but news of Daisy Jones spottings in the area were being whispered throughout the country. Hard to go from a rock and roll darling to a nobody overnight. She spent the first** **few days losing herself in her pills and her booze, going days at a time without leaving her small home. Then she started two projects. Writing lyrics for what she hoped would become a solo album, and tracking down William Dunne, Sr.** _

_** Daisy found an old phone book hanging in a phone booth one night when she ducked into it to get high in a back alley. She thumbed through it til she found the Ds. Pittsburgh has its fair share of Dunnes but one caught her eye and she tore the page and stuffed it into her deep pockets. She lit a cigarette and let it hang from her lips as she clumsily pushed coins into the pay phone. ** _

_** “Hello?” Simone answered, clearly waking from sleep. ** _

_** “Hey gorgeous.” Daisy greeted her. ** _

_** Simone bolted awake in her bed and clutched the receiver of her phone. ** _

_**“Jesus Christ, Daisy, where are you??” She whispered hurriedly into the phone,** **already getting a pen and paper with every intention of tracking her** **down.** _

__

_ **“I’m fine. I’m on the east coast. I just wanted to disappear for awhile.” Daisy puffed her cigarette and rested her head on the dirty glass, feeling herself warm under her high. She smiled and hummed.** _

_ **“Daisy. Where are you right now? Let me come stay with you.” Simone was frantic. When Daisy made these calls, you never knew how long they might last, “Daisy I heard about the tour. The band.”** _

_** Daisy laughed. ** _

_** “What band?” she laughed. There was silence on the line.  ** _

_** Simone was pulling on shoes. She was in New York. So wherever Daisy was, she was confident she could get to her. ** _

_** “Daisy...is this about the band? Or about Billy Dunne?”  ** _

_** Daisy took a long drag and then slowly exhaled until her head was encircled in smoke. ** _

_** “Simone, it’s always gonna be about Billy Dunne. I’m in Pittsburgh.” ** _

_** She hung up. ** _

_______

**Simone** : When Daisy called from Pittsburgh it didn’t take too much detective work to figure out why she was there. I knew the history of The Six and The Dunne Brothers. Daisy would often roll her eyes at the idea of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania being the place Billy would take his family for the holidays. 

**Camila** : Your Grandma and Papa still lived in Pittsburgh. Back then we were still pretty close. And your dad was so good about making sure we saw them. I knew it was because he didn’t have that family and he fought to keep me close to mine. I was lucky my mom was charmed by him. He was able to diffuse her. Two strong Latin women, are you kidding me? [Camila laughs] I know this is no secret to you, Rodriguez. But Daisy wasn’t going there for my family, no. She was looking for pieces of your dad there. 

**Julia** : How did that make you feel?

**Camila** : [Camila pauses] I don’t know...violated? Pittsburgh was your dad and I. It was rough round the edges and...we didn’t have much, either of us, growing up there. We always shared that. I even felt like going back there, every time, we fell in love with each other again. Here he was this rock star, on the cover of Rolling Stone, and he would still take me to Klavon’s Ice Cream Parlor for a root beer float every single time we were back. And here was Daisy Jones, who grew up with every luxury and every car and every house and every single whim met by whomever...and she wanted to....yeah. It felt...violating. She had a lot of nerve.

**Julia** : Why did you go to Pittsburgh?

**Daisy** : It felt right. It felt like a place I could hide. And write. 

**Julia** : Daisy...

**Daisy** : [Daisy pauses] Ok. I knew enough to know that your dad carried some heavy baggage. I mean I had some daddy issues, too, but it’s different for men I think. And I also knew that he would never tell me on his own. Honestly, I really didn’t think I’d find him...I just thought breathing the same air that Billy had would help me figure it all out. You ever feel like people leave their imprint on places? Like there’s an energy? I felt it in Pittsburgh. It’s wasn’t LA...it wasn’t glossy and yellow. It was gritty. It was more like...your dad.

**Julia** : Tell me about the record shop.

**Daisy** : Dunne’s Record Shop. I mean, you have to just laugh at the irony right? I would have guessed he would have loved music but to make his living selling the albums his boys played on? Boys he didn’t even know? That’s pretty fucked up. 

**Julia/Narrator** : _In 1972, William Dunne, Sr. opened Dunne’s Record Shop and Resale in downtown Pittsburgh and became moderately successful there hawking top records and band memorabilia. While he sold both Daisy Jones and The Six records and merchandise, he never told anyone that he was related to either Billy or Graham Dunne. In fact, despite a striking resemblance to Billy, his oldest son, he would dispute it when asked. He was also like Billy, in that he had charmed his way out of several drunken altercations, legal infractions and DUI’s that would otherwise have closed his shop down._

**Daisy** : So I went. I mean, of course I went. I had to. I couldn’t have Billy and I was dying to find whatever parts of him I could. So what could be bigger than that? I took a cab. And it was this part of town that I would have loved if I hadn’t gone there on a mission. Even the shop, from the street. It had this vintage vibe. Grungy, and unique. And of course, right there in the window was a copy of Aurora. And a poster of my damn chest. So I went in. Played dumb.

_________

** Dunne’s Record Shop and Resale, 1979 **

_** Daisy Jones set off the jingle bells on the front door as she walked in. Her small frame, wrapped in a fur lined leather trench coat. A wide brimmed hat with a scarf underneath it and sunglasses that were big and round and wide and covered most of her face.  ** _

_** “Come on in...” a voice called to her from the back room. She ran her fingers over some vintage vinyl, thumbing through everything from Joni Mitchell to The Stones. The aisles were packed and she hid in them. She looked over the counter. Crowded with records and merch and ticket stub collages. She walked towards it and wondered if she’d see one of theirs. ** _

_** The figure from the stock room materialized and she leaned against the counter. Mesmerized. His walk, his hair. Aside from being a good sixty pounds heavier and thirty years older: he was Billy Dunne. ** _

_** Daisy heard the jukebox in the back of the store shuffle as Heart’s ‘Magic Man’ ended.  ** _

_** And Regret Me came on.  ** _

_** “Ahhhh, good song” he murmured to himself as he dropped a box behind the counter. Daisy couldn’t take her eyes off of him, and she mindlessly started singing along: ** _

_** When you look in the mirror ** _

_** Take stock of your soul ** _

_** And when you hear my voice, remember ** _

_** You ruined me whole ** _

_** It was her voice that caught his attention before her frame did. He swiveled and stood as straight as his posture would allow him and placed two fists on the glass countertop.  ** _

_** “Daisy Jones...in my shop...who’s gonna believe this?” His voice was gravely and deep but not unlike Billy’s. He was silent as she pulled her sunglasses off and hung them from her collar. They stood staring at each other, both knowing that this was no coincidence, even if they were about to pretend it was. ** _

_** “This is a great song.” He had nervously grabbed a pen off of the counter and was twirling it in his hand as he spoke. ** _

_** “Thank you. I wrote it.” ** _

_** “I know you did.” ** _

_** “I wrote it about your son.” ** _

_** Daisy Jones had never pulled any punches, and she wasn’t about to start now. William Dunne looked her straight in the eyes and leaned over the counter, cupping his hands together. She could smell the whiskey on him. ** _

_** “Can I offer you a drink?” He pseudo purred at her in a way that made every piece of her uneasy. But she still didn’t flinch. She leaned right back over that counter. ** _

_** “No, thank you.” ** _

_** “And I guess pretending I don’t know what you’re talking about is out the window, too, then?” He turned his back to her and walked behind the counter. She noticed the Rolling Stone cover hung on the wall. He glanced at it, too. ** _

_** “Great album. Funny how half of it is about his wife and half of it is about his girlfriend.” His words tumbled into the store and Daisy felt her face and chest flush with an angry heat. ** _

_** “Don’t you dare fucking judge him. Some example he had.” ** _

_** Billy’s father turned and met her hate filled glance with the same wounded animal look his son had perfected. And she felt sad for him. Fleetingly. He poked at the Rolling Stone cover with a calloused fingertip. ** _

_** “Doesn’t sound like he is founding your fan club either, now is he, Daisy Jones? Makes me wonder. If the girlfriend is here in my shop...does that mean he’s with the wife?” ** _

_** Daisy stood for a second. Frozen. She wasn’t sure if it was a need for a drink or the pills or just the weight of where she was and what he said, but she had to get out of there. She dropped her sunglasses as she spun, jingled the same bells that she had set off entering the place, and frantically hailed a cab. ** _


	7. Chapter 7

**Daisy** : I was humiliated. He had humilated me. I didn’t want to let it show but I’m sure it was all over my face. It was like, everywhere I turned people were making me feel like a fool for just being in love with a man. And I was the one getting dumped on the most. I was the outsider here. I didn’t hear Camila asking Billy to leave the band… or Graham telling Billy he was a ticking time bomb that needed to get away before he exploded. Or Mr. Dunne telling me that his son was a fool for not choosing me… no. Everyone hated me while Billy, even if they got mad at him, eventually got a pass. That infuriated me.

  
 **Simone** : I didn’t really know Billy Dunne. I mean, I met him in passing when I caught a couple of their shows and I was visiting Daisy, but I didn’t KNOW him. Daisy talked about him enough though, so I kind of felt like I did. When she called me from Pittsburgh, I knew that she was about to be destroyed in more ways than I’d ever seen any drug mess her up. I felt protective and instantly booked a flight to go get her. 

**Billy** : Life seemed…ok, for the week after that night in Chicago. Your mom had cooled down a little bit, and she had at least let me stay with you all. Rod had called and told me that the band was going to be taking a break for a little while, and when I asked him why, he told me, “Just go spend some time with your family, Billy”. I didn’t know what was going on, but it all felt weird. Graham wasn’t answering my calls, Karen had disappeared and everyone else was kind of just…doing their own thing. It was all so strange. It was like we had ended, but it was never actually official… 

  
**Julia** : Did you wonder about Daisy when you were with us?

  
 **Billy** : [long pause, nods] Yeah. Yeah, I did. And I hated myself for it. I mean, I had almost completely shattered our entire family unit and your mom STILL let me back in. I didn’t deserve her. Her love. Her forgiveness. But… it always felt like it came with more expectations of perfection, and more chains that kept wrapping themselves around me tighter and tighter, to the point where I couldn’t even breathe. And that’s not Camila’s fault. She was fighting for us. But the harder she pulled, the further my heart went in the opposite direction…

  
 **Rod** : I had hoped that everyone would cool off and come to their senses, so I gave them all some space. But when Daisy called me and said that she had rented that bungalow and that she wouldn’t be coming back for a while, I knew that was it. I called Billy to update him and it really wrecked him. At the time I thought he was just upset about Daisy leaving and causing the band to fall apart, and I’m sure that was a part of it. But looking back now with everything I know…it was so much more than that.

  
 **  
Billy** : I was pissed. How in the hell could she do this to us? Everything was fine. We could have worked it all out just fine. No one else wanted to quit, I mean as far as I knew. Everyone seemed pretty happy with where we were as a band, but of course, Daisy Jones is flakey and unpredictable and someone you could never count on. I was surprised that I wasn’t surprised. But that was just Daisy. Messing with everyone’s head and life.

  
 **  
Graham** : We were all done. I don’t know where he gets off saying that everything was fine. I guess that gives you a good idea about where his head was at back then. 

**  
  
Simone** : I had a very strong Daisy radar by this point in our friendship, so when I got to Pittsburgh and found out about the bungalows in Point Breeze, I knew that that’s where she would be. I got there as quickly as I could, and I literally knocked on every damn door until I found hers. I knew it was hers because I had knocked on every other door and this was the only one left. That, and the fact that she didn’t answer the door, which of course made my stomach drop and my heart race. Her door was locked, and I ran around to the back, peeking in every window to see if I could see her, or for any signs of life. I had to jump to reach some of the windows, and she had sheer curtains in almost every one, but I finally saw her. On the living room floor, a band wrapped around her arm and a needle lying next to her. I couldn’t tell if she was breathing or not and I panicked. I took my jacket off and wrapped it around my hand and punched the window closest to the door out, and climbed through it. I cut my leg pretty good, but I didn’t care. I ran over to her and felt her pulse. It was faint. Her eyes were still open, and she was on her side. I started screaming. I had seen Daisy through a lot of close calls. I knew all about the drugs, but I knew that she had never done heroin before and I thanked God that I hadn’t gotten there even five minutes later. The ambulance got there quickly, which helped me breathe a little bit, but this terrified me. Even with Daisy and her whimsy, I didn’t know how to handle this. Before running out the door with the paramedics, I grabbed Daisy’s address book that I saw on her coffee table. Inside it was a flyer for Dunne’s record shop and retail and I remember wanting to tear it up. All of this was happening because of the fucking Dunnes. She could DIE because of Billy Dunne… but on the ride to the hospital I had an epiphany. Billy Dunne was the reason she was in this mess, so maybe Billy Dunne was the only one who could fix it. Against my better judgement, I found a payphone at the hospital, and I dialed his number. 

  
**  
Billy** : Camila answered the phone. I remember it because she said “Sorry, wrong number” before hanging up and rolling her eyes as she said, “How do groupies keep getting our number?”. I laughed it off, but the phone kept ringing. We ignored it the first two times, but by the third time she threw her hands in the air and said, “You deal with this”, so I answered. The woman on the other line was out of breath and desperate. I was about to hang up on her when she practically screamed my name…

_______

**1979**

  
_**“BILLY. PLEASE!” Simone screamed into the phone as panic flooded her veins. “Just hear me out.”** _

_**Billy huffed as he said, “Ok, go on then.”** _

_**Simone took a deep breath as she tried to calm herself.** _

_**“Ok… my name is Simone. I’m best friends with Daisy. I’m sure you’ve heard of me and I’ve been around backstage here and there at your shows…”** _

_**Billy cut her off.** _   
_**  
“Right. I’m sure you are. Everyone is deep personal friends with Daisy, or Karen or Graham... If you were really her friend, I’m sure I would know you. You take care now.”** _

  
_**He lowered the receiver as he heard her scream, “DAISY MIGHT DIE!”** _

_**His heart dropped as he lifted the phone back up to his ear.** _

_**“What?” He swallowed hard.** _

_**“I’m not lying to you. I’m her best friend and I came to find her after she left Chicago and…when I did…I found her barely breathing with a needle next to her and her arm wrapped. It’s bad, Billy. It’s really bad. We’re at the hospital now and…she needs you." She paused for a second before continuing.  
  
"I need you to know that I hate you. I hate what you’ve done to her, but she loves you and I’ve never seen her this bad.” Billy could hear the tears collecting in her throat.** _

_**“If you care about her at all…even just a little bit, please come. Help her. She needs to get clean, Billy. Now.”** _

_**Billy nodded, forgetting that she couldn’t see him.** _

_**He turned back to look at Camila, watching her play barbies with Julia while she fed the twins who were laughing in their high chairs. He turned back around and whispered,** _

_**“Where are you?”** _

____________

  
 **Camila** : I should have known this would be our end. That one stupid phone call sent more ripples through us and our marriage than I even realized at the time. It didn’t help that he lied to me.

  
 **Julia** : What did he say?

  
 **  
Camila** : He told me that he had a maternal aunt in Pittsburgh that had been trying to find him because she was really sick and needed his help. I didn’t believe him, but he could be awfully convincing when he wanted to be. And I was tired. You three took up a lot of my energy and while I loved it, so much, it made everything else a bit more difficult. So, if I wanted to be present for you girls and the best mom I could be, sometimes I would let Billy slide because arguing or keeping tabs on him all the time was just too exhausting. I asked him if he wanted us to come and he just shook his head.

  
  
 **Billy** : I told her that I had a cousin who had fallen on hard times and needed family. I don’t know why I didn’t just tell her the truth. I mean, I do know why, but…I should have. I should have asked her to come with me too. But…I wanted to see Daisy without the judgement or pressure of your mom breathing down my neck, just waiting for me to screw up. I kissed her on the cheek as I walked to our room to pack and I felt her tension. I know she didn’t mean to let it show, but I felt it all. She didn’t trust me, and she was slowly losing her faith in me. That killed me. But the little devil on my shoulder was whispering that I would never be good enough for Camila anyway, so why not go help someone who needed me?

  
 **  
Camila** : The minute he left, I grabbed the phone and pulled the long cord into the bathroom, sitting on the toilet and quietly letting out all of my tears. They had been bottled up for so long. I let it all out until my tank was empty, and then I called Karen. 

  
**  
Karen** : Camila had been there for me on one of the worst, and most freeing days of my life. I had the feeling that this was going to be hers. Before she could even fully fill me in, I was in the car on the way to her place with wine and chocolate for her, and a movie and toys for the girls so that we could talk in peace. She needed me, and when your friends need you, you step up.

  
  
 **Billy** : I had called Rod and filled him in, then I had him get me a jet. I was in Pittsburgh before I could even blink.

  
 **Simone** : When Billy Dunne walked through the hospital doors, I was waiting for him and I was shocked at how gorgeous he was. I had seen him plenty of times before, but I guess it was just the care I saw in his eyes, and the fact that he wasn’t trying to be ‘Billy Dunne, rockstar’ in that moment… I got it. I got how taken she was with him. I couldn’t imagine being that close to him day after day, night after night. Sharing my life and my heart with someone who understood me AND looked like that? And then have him mess with me while he had a family? Yeah…I would probably stick a needle in my arm too. 

  
**Billy** : Simone greeted me with a hug, and I instantly felt comfortable with her and like I’d known her for years. She was a gorgeous woman, but what stood out to me was her love for Daisy. We had that in common and that was the tie that bound us. When we walked into Daisy’s hospital room and I saw her lying there, eyes closed, oxygen mask on, an IV in her arm… I can’t even describe the feelings I felt. I didn’t even think. I just ran to the side of her bed and sat down, grabbing her hand and pulling it to my lips, begging her to wake up and look at me.

  
 **Simone**. He loved her. He chose her in that moment. No one will ever be able to convince me otherwise.


	8. Chapter 8

**Daisy:** I think I was testing him. I hadn’t ever shot heroin before and to do it alone like that... By that time I had found some other junkie musician friends at local clubs. But I knew what I was doing, by not knowing what I was doing. I was going to die or I wasn’t. And he was going to come or he wasn’t. That was the lowest I’d ever been. And I really didn’t care which way it shook out.  
  
 **Simone:** I told myself she knew I was coming. Knew I’d be there within the day. I had to make myself believe she was just crying out for help. And for the first time I didn’t think it was me that she needed. Other than the fact that I could get him there. But I also knew Daisy. I wasn’t gonna leave him alone with her in case I had read the whole thing wrong. Like, if this prick was gonna come in and remind her that he was married and she was a problem, I wasn’t gonna stand there and let him destroy her. Daisy always liked playing with fire and boy could I see it. This guy was fire.  
  
 **Billy:** Daisy....Daisy Jones was Daisy Jones long before I met her. And she came with her own baggage and demons and weight long before she met me.  
  
 **Julia:** You didn’t answer the question. Did you feel like it was your fault?  
  
 **Billy:** I think some minutes I felt like everything was my fault, and some minutes I felt like none of it was my fault. I think it was when Graham stopped being there. Graham has always been there. I can’t remember a time when he wasn’t. And when he stopped returning my calls or....yeah maybe that was when I knew he thought it was my fault, too.  
  
 **Graham:** Billy was out of control, man. Stone cold sober and still out of control. I didn’t want to tell him everything was gonna be fine when it wasn’t. And I didn’t have it in me to listen to him complain about how the hell to chose between this beautiful woman and a beautiful family and another woman who was throwing herself at him...when the woman I loved had just left and taken everything I had with her. Hell, at that point he was so wrapped up in his own shit he was maybe the only person in the world that didn’t know I’d walk through fire for Karen.  
  
 **Billy:** I did not like seeing her like that. I’d seen her doped up before. But Daisy was one of the only people I’d ever seen who could make that still look good. I remember thinking about it that night when I saw her floating in the pool in that dress and bloody feet and I thought...my God how does someone that lost still look that beautiful? But seeing her hooked up to machines and unable to open her eyes. I could hardly look at her. And I didn’t like the way it made me feel. I....I loved her.  
  
 **Simone:** He just stared at her. It had to be two, maybe three hours, between the time he showed up and the time she woke up. He didn’t move, just held her hand and watched her. I think he even sang to her. I wasn’t close enough to hear what. But I remember realizing at some point that he wasn’t there to hurt her. I felt it enough that I left the room for awhile, knowing he’d care for her the way I would. At least for awhile. The doctors were coming and going and it pissed me off cause I heard some nurses whispering about them. ‘That’s Billy Dunne....’ or ‘we knew they were together’ or ‘Daisy is a junkie’ and ‘do you think he would sign something for me’ and I lost it. I remember telling a few of them they needed to shut up and do their jobs. I think I was also annoyed they did not recognize me.  
  
 **Billy:** I think I thought I was gonna lose her. In a way I couldn’t get her back. Maybe before I always felt like I could somehow get her back. The idea of losing her for good? It was like I couldn’t breathe.  
  
 **Daisy:** I don’t remember much after I got back to the bungalow, but I do remember waking up in that bed. Like it was yesterday. Your dad....Billy...was stroking my hand and he kissed it a few times. He was humming. I remember I pretended to stay asleep even once I felt myself regain consciousness because I wanted to just live in that moment. Then I just wanted to look at him. He looked so sad. Tired, worried. About me.  
  
....  
  
He came. He passed my test. He loved me. That was the first time I could see it on him. Really see it. And he didn’t care who saw it.  
  
 **Simone:** I was touched by it all. I really was. I felt as protective of him as I was of her, watching them through the glass and glaring at the nurses who I swear had unbuttoned their top buttons. And I thought to myself: These are not the actions of a married man. The way he stroked her and looked at her. This was gonna end badly.

__________________________________________________  
  
 _ **1979**_  
  
 _ **“Hey....can you hear me?” Billy whispered as he saw her eyes start to open, staring at him. They were smiling even if her mouth wasn’t.**_  
  
 _ **“What were you humming?” She asked him, and he couldn’t help but smile at the fact that with all this shit going on she was wondering what melody he was humming.**_  
  
 _ **He put his mouth to her hand, kissing it softly, leaving his lips against it as he spoke, relieved to feel some of the warmth coming back to it slowly.**_  
  
 _ **“I dunno yet. Maybe you get the hell out of here and figure it out with me?”**_  
  
 _ **Daisy smiled and pushed her hand against his cheek, only inches from him. With her other hand she lifted the oxygen mask off and let it rise up over her head. He watched her for a few breaths and figured if someone was going to yell at her for taking it into her own hands he would leave it to a medical professional. Instead he just leaned into her.**_  
  
 _ **“Daisy...I’m sorry.”**_  
  
 _ **She studied his face and frowned a little. Still under the guidance of the now-legal drugs that were coursing through her, her words took just a second longer to come to her than usual.**_  
  
 _ **“For what? Chicago? Camila? The fact that I can smell tequila on you right now?”**_  
  
 _ **It had been several hours but the airplane bottles of booze he had stuffed in his jeans pockets were empty. And the smell of it on his breath was not lost on Daisy Jones.**_  
  
 _ **“What are we doing?” He whispered to her. Deflated.**_  
  
 _ **She closed her eyes against her instinct to just stare at him, inhaled deeply and thought long and hard.**_  
  
 _ **“When you can’t see what you feel, you’re more afraid it might be real. So you close the door or take the plane, live in a lie or in the pain.” She whisper/sang it. To the melody he had been humming to her.**_  
  
 _ **“They don’t know you’re here do they?” She asked him, her hand still on his face, his thumb tracing circles on her skin.**_  
  
 _ **“No. They don’t.”**_  
  
 _ **Daisy fought off disappointment.**_  
  
 _ **“Don’t you do this to your girls. Not for me. They need to know, Billy. Don’t do it. Not like this....” she was succumbing to weight off her intravenous drugs but fighting for a few more seconds of alertness, “and get rid of whatever else you have on you.”**_  
  
 _ **Daisy drifted off to sleep as Billy pulled her oxygen back over her mouth.**_

__________________________________________________________  
  
 **Daisy:** I didn’t want him there if it wasn’t going to be completely transparent. I wasn’t going to be his dirty little secret and sit back and watch him lie to your mom and you girls. If he was going to make a choice, he was going to make it.  
  
 **Billy:** I left her room once she was asleep and I thought about just leaving. I ran into Simone just outside, in the hallway, and I think she knew I was thinking about it. But either way I had to find a phone. I had seen the nurses whispering, and even in those days it didn’t take a whole lot for some tabloid or news source to latch on to something, even if it was just a rumor. I had to call Camila and tell her what I’d done. And you know, I had convinced myself she would understand. [Billy pauses] I was pretty wrong about that.  
  
 **Camila** : Karen and I had this strange bond. We always had. This sort of mutual respect for the fact that we just didn’t take shit from anyone. I knew she had been through hell, I knew she was still struggling. But there she was at my door with chocolate and, more than that, just a shoulder. I had given up my whole life to follow Billy around the country. From houses to busses to hotels. Karen was the closest thing I had to a friend. And that night, she really came through for me. When your dad called...knowing he had lied, knowing he had just left us behind, knowing he expected me to just let him do whatever the hell he wanted because I always had? I had had enough.  
  
 **Karen:** I held her hand when she answered the phone. We both knew it would be Billy. I couldn’t hear him. I don’t know what he said to her. But I remember staring at your mom as she steeled herself and stood up for you and the twins, and I thought: I may never have a daughter, but if I do? I hope she turns out just like Camila Fucking Dunne.  
  
 **Billy:** I knew she was angry before she even talked. She was quiet. I had to ask her to say something several times before she finally did. I was in this hospital lobby, trying to hide in a corner, pressing my head against the wall and begging her to please just say something.  
  
 **Camila:** I told him to go fuck himself. I told him he was not coming home. I told him to figure his own shit out. That he was not the dad you girls deserved. And...that he would never be what we needed. It was harsh. But he had hurt me. He had hurt me too much. And I wanted him to feel some of that, too. No one knew your dad like I did, which meant I knew how to hurt him, too.  
  
 **Julia:** Do you think you knew him better than Daisy did?  
  
 **Camila:** [Long pause] I used to.  
  
 **Karen:** She was so strong. She protected you girls like her life depended on it. He would never have known what he did to her in that moment. She told him to fuck off and slammed the phone down like a total bad ass. But...then...she just fell apart. We sat on the floor of the kitchen and cried together. It was...it was just awful. So awful. She didn’t deserve that. Fuck Billy Dunne.  
  
 **Simone:** I wasn’t an idiot. I knew he was calling his wife. And his body language filled in the blanks. It didn’t go well. Honestly I expected him to turn around and tell me to figure it out, that he was headed home. But...he didn’t. He straightened himself up. Kind of, fixed his hair, reached into his side pocket and pulled out a few bottles. He threw them out in the trash can. By the phone. Then he walked right towards me and asked what we should do. Asking me, like I had a clue.  
  
 **Billy:** Camila...your mom...I’ll never feel good about how those couple of weeks went down. But that phone call. It felt final. I didn’t know just how final, but it felt final. And it made me feel sea sick. I remember thinking of Daisy’s words. I had two more small bottles of Cuervo in my pocket and I threw them out. I don’t know if I did it for your mom or for Daisy or for me but it was easier than I expected. Maybe cause I already felt sick. I dunno how many I had before I threw the rest away. But I remember having to close one eye to walk across that waiting room to Simone.  
  
 **Simone:** I told him there was no way they were going to just discharge her. That we had to get her into rehab. If we were lucky she wouldn’t face any charges. But we had to get her help. Whether she wanted it or not. And he agreed. And I think maybe we both knew she DID want it. She really did.

_________________________________________________________  
  
 _ **1979**_  
  
 _ **“I’ll make some calls...” Simone touched Billy lightly on the arm as she headed towards the bank of payphones. Billy made his way back into Daisy’s room and drew the blinds. He was as tired as Simone was of the prying eyes and nobody needed to see Daisy Jones that way.**_  
  
 _ **He sat by her as she drifted in and out of sleep, and as the night drug on he crossed his feet and put them up on her hospital bed, dozing off in the chair beside her.**_  
  
 _ **“Billy...” she woke him with a frail voice and he dropped his feet and took her hand.**_  
  
 _ **“Hey...” he wanted to ask her how she felt but they both knew the answer. He had detoxed before. It was a special kind of hell.**_  
  
 _ **“I need to tell you something and I need you to promise you won’t be mad.”**_  
  
 _ **Billy felt himself set his jaw and suddenly it was like everything hurt. What the hell could this be, he thought. But he looked at her, fragile and pale, and swallowed against his own instincts.**_  
  
 _ **“Ok...I promise.” He talked to her the same way he might talk to Julia when she was confessing she had spilled milk or broken a guitar. She held his hand a little tighter.**_  
  
 _ **“So I found this great little record shop here in town...” Billy furrowed and raised an eyebrow all at once, chuckling to himself.**_  
  
 _ **“You thought I’d be mad you found a cool record shop? You don’t know me very well.”**_  
  
 _ **Daisy cleared her throat and tried to read him.**_  
  
 _ **“No I don’t. I don’t know you very well. I want to? That’s why I went....”**_  
  
 _ **Billy’s face drew longer, trying to piece together what she was saying and if she even knew what she was saying or she was too drugged up to be coherent.**_  
  
 _ **“Ok...?” He encouraged her cautiously as she paused. She inhaled and felt her hand trembling in his. He stilled it. “Daisy...”**_  
  
 _ **“Dunne Records and Resale....” she whispered it like she felt guilty even saying it. And she watched it slowly wash over his face as he pieced it together. He frowned and slowly pulled his fingers from hers.**_  
  
 _ **“What are you talking about, Daisy?” Billy’s voice trembled just barely audibly but she caught it. She had to say it fast before she lost her nerve.**_  
  
 _ **“Your dad owns it. I went. I met him.”**_  
  
 _ **The words hadn’t escaped her fully before Billy had reclined from the bed and put his hands to his knees. He pushed himself up to standing almost simultaneously and then ran his hands through his hair until they found the back of his neck.**_  
  
 _ **“Billy....”**_  
  
 _ **“No, don’t Billy me. You don’t get to fuck with my life anymore than you already have. What the hell is wrong with you?”** _

__________________________________________________________________  
  
 **Billy:** I saw stars. I mean. You can’t even imagine the nerve. To do something like that. Behind my back. I had written that son of a bitch off. Several times. What he did to Graham and me was unforgivable and I had no desire to have anything to do with him. All the things I hated in myself I blamed him for. That’s all he left me, a shit example and a life full of regrets. So fuck him. And fuck Daisy for making me relive it all.  
  
 **Julia:** Do you regret it? Tracking him down? Telling Billy?  
  
 **Daisy:** Not for one second. No. [Daisy pauses and chokes on a silent cry] it doesn’t mean it didn’t kill me to see what it did to your dad. I couldn’t believe the power he still had over him. Which is why I knew I was doing the right thing. The alcohol and drugs were just a symptom. His dad was the problem. We wrote: live in the lie or live in the pain. And Jules, we were about to live in all sorts of pain.  
  



	9. Chapter 9

**Billy** : I felt like I had really fucked up this time. Or Daisy had finally done it this time. I don’t know. I was seething. I stormed out of that room and told Simone to take care of Daisy because I couldn’t do it anymore. I didn’t have a car there and no one I cared about still lived in Pittsburgh, so I called a cab and went to the only place I could think of. Klavon’s Ice Cream Parlor. I ordered a root beer float and sat there…all alone in a booth, just stirring it around and around with my straw. I couldn’t drink it. Every time I would lean in to take a sip, I would see Camila’s face in the whipped cream on top and it would make my stomach turn. I used to take her there every time we were home. It was our favorite date spot…

  
 **  
Julia** : Yeah, she told me about that. I don’t think she’s ever been back though.

  
 **  
Billy** : [nods] I don’t blame her. 

  
**Simone** : I had called around to a few treatment facilities and finally found one that I felt good about. They were cool with signing an NDA too, so that was big. They had actually treated a few other strung out musicians, but they refused to disclose who, so that was another reason I trusted them. I wasn’t sure if Daisy really wanted to get clean, or if she was just trying to bribe Billy in some way. Like, if she showed him she could be good, he would stay. Or worse, maybe she was threatening him by showing him what she could do if he left her. Who knows? She’s Daisy. I just knew that she needed to go, and I was going to get her there even if I had to throw her in the trunk and drag her there. Enough was enough. 

  
**Billy** : As I threw down some money on the table next to my untouched root beer float, I noticed a flyer on the wall. It was a bright, neon green and I was instantly drawn to the guitar on the front. When I got closer, I saw the name of the shop it was advertising. Dunne’s Record Shop and Resale. I felt my fists clenching out of habit and I tore the paper off the wall, crumpling it in both hands, while everyone in that place stared at the scene I was making. I threw it away and walked out.

  
 **Julia** : [Bends down to pull the crumpled paper out of her bag] But you went back for it, didn’t you? Mom put this is my memory book. She said it was one of the only things there was in our house from my Grandpa…

  
 **Billy** : [Smiles painfully] Your mom really was an amazing woman and a phenomenal mother, wasn't she... Yep, that’s the one. 

  
**Julia:** What made you go back for it?

  
 **Billy** : Curiosity. Anger. Vengeance? But mainly curiosity. I was so mad at Daisy for digging into MY life and scraping at a wound that I had happily slapped a band-aid on years ago, but looking back now, she was the only one with enough guts to push me in the direction I needed to go. 

  
**Daisy** : I felt sick to my stomach when Billy left. I knew I had really blown it, but yet…I didn’t feel sorry. He needed to do this, and I wanted to be the one to help him through it. It’s not my fault that Camila never did. 

  
**Billy** : Camila had never pushed me on the issue of my dad. Which I was so grateful for. I loved her parents, your Grandma and Papa, like they were my own. So, for years it was enough for me. Until I realized it wasn’t. I was running on pure rage and adrenaline when I marched into that record shop.

  
_________

**1979**

**_  
The familiar jingle of bells rang out as Billy threw open the door. He marched right in, no disguise, as people all around him gasped and whispered in hushed tones._ **

**_He continued to march straight for the counter where his dad was hanging new albums on the wall behind it._ **

**_Billy stood in front of it, not saying anything as he looked around the shop and waited for his dad to turn around._ **

**_There was Daisy Jones and the Six memorabilia everywhere. T-shirts with lyrics from some of their songs, special edition vinyl records… He even noticed a whole lineup of bobbleheads that looked like the band on the front and back of their album cover. The Billy and Daisy heads were at an angle, Daisy’s white tank top and Billy’s denim on full display.  
  
It creeped him out. _ **

**_  
“What can I do for you?” William Dunne Sr.’s voice was deep and gravelly, and Billy placed his hands on the counter, leaning on it and waiting for the man to fully turn._ **

**_  
When he did, Billy was just staring at him and it made the man stumble back into the wall._ **

**_  
“What are you doing here?” Was all he managed to blurt out._ **

**_Billy scoffed._ **

**_“Oh, so you DO know who I am. Nice to see you too…Dad.” He spit that last word through gritted teeth._ **

**_More gasps from people behind him and whispers of, ‘oh my God, it’s Billy Dunne’, ‘Did you know he was Will’s son?’, ‘Do you think he’s here with Daisy?’, echoed throughout the store._ **

**_William looked behind Billy and sighed as he lifted up the counter and waved his son in so they could talk privately in the back._ **

**_  
He shut his office door and leaned against it as Billy steeled himself and crossed his arms._ **

**_“It’s…good to see you, Son. It’s…it’s been a long time.”_ **

**_  
Billy snorted._ **

**_“That’s what you’re opening with? Wow. You know, I’ve thought over the years about what it would be like to see you again. What you would say to me and what I would say to you. Now I realize…I don’t have a fucking thing to say to you.”_ **

**_William’s jaw clenched, and he opened his desk drawer, pulling out a bottle of tequila and two shot glasses.  
  
He held one out to Billy._ **

**_  
“Want a drink? You look like you could use one.”_ **

**_Billy's blood was boiling as he knocked the glass out of his father’s hand._ **

**_  
William chuckled._ **

**_“Ahh, don’t want to get too wasted and not be able to fuck your little girlfriend while you’re hiding from your wife. Got it. Tell her hi from me, would ya? What a fine ass."  
  
He knocked back a shot and as he lifted his head up, he was met with Billy’s fist on the side of his jaw._ **

**_  
“Jackass.” Billy shook his hand as he turned and stormed out of the shop._ **

_______

 **  
  
Julia:** Did you feel like that gave you closure?

  
 **Billy** : Not even a little bit.

  
 **Simone:** I was shocked when Billy walked back into Daisy’s room. I had been sure he was going back home. But I quickly saw that something was wrong. He smelled like a distillery and couldn’t stand up straight without falling into a wall. Thankfully, Daisy was asleep, but he moved back to his place next to her bed, his eyes still foggy as he stumbled a little bit and crashed. I mean, the minute his butt hit the chair, he was out. 

**  
Billy** : I don’t really remember any of that. But I do remember what happened before that. I had called Graham again for the millionth time, and he finally picked up. I told him about being in Pittsburgh, but I left out the Daisy part. 

  
**Graham** : I knew he was with Daisy. I had called Karen just to see how she was doing, you know...with everything... and she told me she was with Camila. I asked where Billy was and I heard Camila yell behind her, “He’s fucking Daisy in Pittsburgh”. That made me mad and I was going to let him have it the next time he tried to call me. 

  
**Billy** : He didn’t even let me say anything. He just told me to enjoy ruining my life and when Daisy got bored of the chase, not to come back crying to him, and to leave Camila alone for good. He told me that I was a sorry excuse for a man and that my daughters deserved better than a man like me as their father. I didn’t even get a chance to tell him that I had just met ours. Or that Daisy had overdosed and there was absolutely nothing going on between us…

 **  
Graham** : Was I too harsh? Yeah. It wasn’t right and I regret that conversation to this day. Billy might have been a horrible husband 90% of the time, but he was always an amazing father to you girls. Always. But did he deserve every word I said? Yeah, definitely. 

  
**Billy** : I didn’t know what to do, where to go, or who to call. Do you know what it’s like to walk around your old hometown and feel like a stranger in it? So, I just did what I knew to do. I went to a bar. Why not? Everyone already hated me, Daisy had just hurt me, I didn’t know Simone… I had nothing to lose. At least that’s what I told myself. The problem with junkies though is that we don’t have any limits. So, I had one too many beers and a few shots of whiskey and a scotch on the rocks. Then I started mumbling something about Daisy Jones and the bartender called me a cab and stuck me in it. I don’t remember doing it, but I told the driver to take me to the hospital. 

  
**Daisy** : He came back. That meant everything. He wasn’t going to hate me forever. It was honestly the push I needed to go to rehab, knowing that. When I woke up the next morning and saw him in the chair next to my bed, feet crossed on top of it, his arms folded across his chest and his head leaning back with no support, I melted. He looks so damn cute when he’s sleeping, but nothing beats Billy Dunne’s groggy morning voice and sleepy eyes…

 **  
Simone** : I had checked into a hotel the night before. There could only be one overnight visitor per hospital room, and I wasn’t going to make a drunk Billy find other accommodations. But I wasn’t prepared for what I saw when I got back to the hospital. 

  
**Daisy** : When he woke up and lifted his head, he instantly grabbed it in pain. It was throbbing from the position he had slept in all night, and his hangover was kicking in big time too. I wanted to chew him out for drinking after what I had just told him about the tequila bottles in his pockets, but I didn’t want to ruin a sweet moment. There was time for all of that later. He looked over at me and smiled, his dimples that I rarely got to see, on full display. I went for it. I scooched over on my bed and made room for him, patting the spot next to me and inviting him over. I fully expected him to say no.

  
 **Billy** : I slid under the covers and into her bed next to her. I don’t even know how to explain it Jules… no matter how mad I was at her, or all of the messes she would make or get me into… I still needed her.

  
 **Julia** : You mean like the way mom always felt about you?

  
 **Billy** : [winces] Ok, ouch. I deserved that. But still, ouch. [pauses] It was different with Daisy. I think with your mom, no matter how hard I tried, the further along we got in our marriage, the more I felt like a charity case to her. I’m not saying that’s how she felt. I’m saying that’s how I felt. It was my own shit that I hadn’t dealt with… I know that. But Camila was always saving me and for once…just once… I wanted to be the one doing the saving. It was like there was an invisible string that tethered me to Daisy and it constantly pulled me back to her no matter how much I tried to pull away. I just wanted to be next to her. To hold her without anyone caring or yelling at me. I needed that. Love with no pressure. No expectations. No strings. It felt good.

  
 **Simone** : They were sleeping when I walked in. Daisy was curled up into his chest, her left leg hanging over his, and Billy’s lips were resting on the top of her head like he had been kissing it when he fell asleep. He still reeked of way too much booze. I could practically see it pouring out of his pores. That’s when I realized that Billy Dunne needed to go to rehab too. And that was a beast I didn’t know how to touch.


	10. Chapter 10

**Rod** : Did I want to go to Pittsburgh? Hell. No. Look I was never a fan of the whole east coast music scene really. But Runner was up my ass to figure out what to do with Billy and Daisy. They tossed around the idea of the two of them doing some smaller shows. Skipping the arenas and maybe a club tour. Or an album, if we couldn’t get everyone back on board. And you know what? It wasn’t a horrible idea. Billy and Daisy were never a horrible idea. As long as they had supervision. And yours truly was usually that guy. Especially once Teddy was gone. So I went to Pittsburgh. I already knew about Daisy. I wasn’t prepared for Billy.  
  
 **Karen:** Rod asked me if I wanted to go to Pittsburgh. I thought long and hard about it. That night with Camila, we cried it out, we put the girls to sleep, we made her a bed on the couch because she didn’t want to sleep somewhere she could still smell Billy. I went back to my place but just for some things, I promised her I’d be back and I was gonna just stay for a little while. She needed that. And helping her, especially [Karen pauses] especially with you and the twins? Well that was good for me, too. I felt for Daisy. I really did. I loved her. But she had made her bed. She made those choices. Billy made Camila’s. So I stayed.   
  
**Graham:** Rod was surprised to know that I already knew where Billy was when he called. And I didn’t have a single good reason not to go, other than I was too busy being pissed at him and too busy nursing my own wounds. And I figured that if Billy was gonna go take care of Daisy, I was gonna step in and be the man you girls needed. Cause fuck him, that’s why.  
  
 **Simone:** Everyone in the industry knew Rod. He was one of the few managers who actually had a decent reputation. He was just a good guy. Most of them were like Hank had been. Users. But these guys lucked out. To find a manager that not only walked them through the biggest tour of 1979, but that showed up in Pittsburgh at 6am on a Friday morning to help check you out of a hospital and into a rehab facility. And did it with love. He loved them. I saw it on Billy and I saw it on Rod.  
  
 **Daisy:** Billy was passed out right there in my bed and it didn’t matter how tired I was I wanted to watch him sleep. People always assumed it was about sex with Billy and I. The music, the intimacy in our performances, the constant back and forth or not being able to tolerate each other and not being able to take our eyes off each other. But it wasn’t. It was never that. This was what I wanted: I wanted to know what it felt like to wake up under Billy Dunne’s arm. I wanted to know that he made sounds in his sleep. I wanted to see him when he wasn’t performing. And I don’t just mean on stage. Billy had perfected this character: Billy Dunne, front man of the Six. Billy Dunne, father of the year. And of course he was parts of those things. Of course. But....In the few months following that show and rehab, I really met your dad. Without the booze, without the pills, without all the things that we had both built up around us. And...I hate saying this and I hope you understand...without you girls. That morning he was just this grimy kid from Pittsburgh with horrible breath and bed head.   
  
**Julia** : I understand. I don’t like it, but I understand it.  
  
 **Daisy:** [long pause] Thank you.   
  
**Julia** : Did you ever go back to the record shop?  
  
 **Billy:** I did. When Rod showed up at the hospital I was laying in Daisy’s bed and when he shook me awake, I realized I had sweat out so much alcohol in the night that her sheets were soaked. I rolled from her and looked at Rod. I was so embarrassed. To be like that in front of both of them. In front of Simone. I was...losing it.  
  
 **Daisy:** I told them I wanted to go to rehab. To be fair, I knew they were going to force me...so that ‘decision’ was really just me trying to make it seem like the whole thing was my idea. But I did want to go. I was in a lot of pain already. Two days of no pills and no booze, but they were pumping me full of stuff to take the edge off so I had only scratched that surface of really detoxing. But I could see Billy so clearly. And I knew right then. That if the two of us could ever find a small crack in this world big enough to let us actually exist in it together...well...I didn’t want to fight that hard to be with him just to sit around and watch him kill himself. Or...worse...become that asshole in the record shop.  
  
 **Billy:** Rod and Simone went about checking Daisy out. There were police escorts. I think I signed an autograph for one of them, but I was leaving on my own. Just for awhile. Simone said they would go back to her bungalow for some of her personal effects and I promised to meet them there before she left. But that I had to stop and do something. For Graham.

_**___________________________** _   
  
_**1979** _   
  
_**Billy borrowed Rod’s car and drove himself back to Dunne Records and Resale. He parked across the street and waited til 8 when the shop opened. He watched the lights come on. The sign turn to OPEN. He saw his dad busy himself in the shop. He looked at the poster for Aurora in the window and marveled that even with all he had accomplished, here he was right back where he started.** _   
  
_**It started to rain and it was almost enough to convince Billy to just leave. But he couldn’t. He shut off Rod’s rental car and stepped out in the pouring rain. He ran across the street using his jacket as a shield over his head but slowed his pace when he reached the door. He knew it was open, he saw his dad unlock it, but he wasn’t going in. He stood there in the blinding rain instead. And pounded on it.** _   
  
_**“It’s open!” That thick gravely voice called from the back, but Billy just pounded again.** _   
  
_**“I said it’s open!!” The voice was closer now and Billy just kept pounding. Finally it opened under his fist.** _   
  
_**“It’s...Billy.” His dad stood under the weight of Billy at the door. He was actually sober. Even a man like him found some sober moments and this was one of them.** _   
  
_**“Christ, you’re soaking wet get inside.”** _   
  
_**“No. I’m not coming in.” Billy stood there in the rain and he was glad for it because while he had been pounding on that door he had felt himself start to cry. But this rain was masking his emotions for him. At least those.** _   
  
_**“I need to know one thing. And I don’t want your pity and I don’t want a lie and I don’t want you to try to smooth this over because that won’t ever happen. You understand? You owe me this. One thing.”** _   
  
_**William Dunne Sr. adjusted his posture and put his hands nervously into his pockets.** _   
  
_**“What one thing do you need to know?”** _   
  
_**Billy’s head spun. A slide show of Daisy, the band, his mom, Graham, his girls. His girls...** _   
  
_**“Why? Why’d you leave? Why just disappear? How do you not love your own kids?” Billy’s voice betrayed him and suddenly he wasn’t Billy Dunne, famous rock star. He was Billy Dunne, scared little boy asking his dad why he couldn’t go with him.** _   
  
_**Will Dunne’s nostrils flared and he rocked on his heels a little as he shut his eyes to the question for a moment. He slightly nodded no.** _   
  
_**“That’s what you think? You think I didn’t love my own kids? I loved my own kids so hard that I wanted better for them than I could give them. But you guys took a lot. Your mom and you boys. I knew it wasn’t long before you figured out who I really was. What I really was. So I left. But it wasn’t because I didn’t love you. It was cause I didn’t love me. I always loved you. I always loved my sons.”** _   
  
_**The words had barely left his mouth when Billy’s fist came crashing down on it. He punched his jaw so hard that it spun him from him place in the door and into a rack of records behind him.** _   
  
_**“That one was for Graham.”** _   
  
_**Billy turned and walked back to his car. Carrying the new baggage that he wasn’t, in that moment, all that different from his own father.** _

_____________________________________  
  
 **Daisy:** When Billy showed up at the bungalow I knew right away. He was soaking wet. Like a wet dog. And his knuckles were bloody. Rod was in the kitchen making calls, covering for me as usual. Simone was pulling some books off the shelf by the fireplace and tucking them into my bag. [Daisy laughs] Only Simone would know to do that. Most people probably thought I couldn’t even read.  
  
 **Simone:** I was trying to find things in that bungalow for Daisy. I knew it was gonna be hard. Real hard. But I knew she was ready. Something was different. When Billy showed up, God, he was a mess. A real mess. But I knew that of all the things in that bungalow there was really only one she needed. And it wasn’t the copy of The Scarlet Letter I was holding. Which, by the way, I did NOT pack for her.  
  
 **Daisy:** I didn’t say much I just nodded at him. I turned and walked into the bedroom right off the living room. It wasn’t where I slept but it was the closest place to get a little privacy. I heard him follow me. I walked all the way in to the furthest corner and heard him come in and shut the door behind him.  
  
 **Simone:** I went to the kitchen and Rod was scribbling some info down on a tablet. Some phone numbers. They were some outpatient rehab facilities, and I was relieved someone was looking out for Billy because child, my hands were overflowing. I asked him to go for a walk.   
  
**Rod:** When I heard Billy come in and then Simone asked if I wanted to leave I thought: ooooooooooookayyyyyyy. Yes. So we went for breakfast. I hated Pennsylvania but that morning I had the best damned corned beef eggs benedict I have ever eaten. See? Every cloud has a silver lining.

_**______________________________** _   
  
_**1979** _   
  
_**Billy Dunne closed the door behind him, not sure how much of the dampness that soaked him was rain, sweat or tears. Daisy Jones stood across the room, shaking slightly against herself in a long white caftan and not much else. Her hair was pulled into a pony tail, and her huge gold hoops betrayed how frayed she was. They stood there in opposite corners like boxers waiting for a bell until Billy broke first. He slid down against the wall until he slumped on the floor and buried his face in his hands. The white fabric of Daisy’s caftan made her ethereal as she quickly moved across the room to him, kneeling in front of him and lifting his face into her hands. She pushed her body down on his, making space between his knees until she had all but settled into his lap like a child and he started to cry as he pulled on her, clutching her to his chest like she was the only thing in the world.** _   
  
_**He was soaking her and the thin white gauze of her gown was soon plastered to her smooth skin. It gathered at her waist and it sealed itself to her breasts and she pressed her entire body and soul into him. They rocked together on the floor in a heap of muscle and sadness and desire. Daisy kissed the side of his face before placing her head over his shoulder and into the nape of his neck. She threaded her arms up and over him, holding him by the neck as he clutched at her waist.** _   
  
_**Billy’s feet found the floor and he used them and the wall to lift the two of them to standing. He carried Daisy, now as wet as he was, to the small twin bed in the middle of the room. He eased her down onto it and followed as she worked at getting his impossibly wet denim jacket off of his shoulders. His black T-shirt was all but glued to his chest and she didn’t want to fight with it so she just pushed her hand up under it and held it over his heart. He let himself fall into the bed beside her, not on top of her...even if everything inside of him was telling him that’s where he wanted to be. He pressed his face into her neck and curled into her side. His hand trailed up her wet front and grazed her nipple through her dress. She gasped slightly and whispered his name.** _   
  
_**“You saw him....” she whispered as she reached her hand up and closed it over his as it lay in her breast.** _   
  
_**“Yeah...”** _   
  
_**“I didn’t mean to force your hand I just thought...” Daisy started and then stopped. They were both silent.** _   
  
_**“You didn’t force my hand. You just...I dunno....thank you.”** _   
  
_**“Will you see him again?”** _   
  
_**“I dunno...I hope not.”** _   
  
_**Billy lifted up onto an elbow and Daisy pushed a wet strand of hair from his forehead. They stared longingly at one another.** _   
  
_**“I told her...Camila...I told her.” Billy could hardly get the words out. Admitting to Daisy that he had been honest with Camila about her made it all real. And Daisy knew it, too. Her eyes welled and she wanted to say thank you...for choosing her, for listening to her, for trying for her. But there was pain in his face and thank you didn’t feel right.** _   
  
_**She pulled his face to hers and kissed him gently on his lips. They were wet and warm and she wanted more. She pushed his hand into her breast and his fingers found her nipple through her wet dress as her lips parted for his tongue. He played at her breast as she pressed her body into him. Her tongue lapped in and out of his with a sweet, longing rhythm. His body was slowly rolling against hers in time to it. She could feel the hardness of his length at her hip as she moaned into his open mouth. Billy pushed his tongue into her like it was the only way he knew how to get closer to her. Daisy opened her eyes and felt her body heat. He moved his mouth from hers and placed tiny wet kisses along her jaw and neck. His lips were warm and gentle as they travelled the length of her throat, humming against her wet skin, nipping and licking as he elicited soft moans of approval. His hand had moved from her breasts and down past her belly button when Daisy caught his wrist in her grasp. He lifted his head gently from its place just over her breasts.** _   
  
_**“Not like this. Not yet.” Billy’s eyes were hooded with passion and swollen from the hardest two days of his life, and Daisy wanted him more than anything she could ever remember craving. But if she was going to take Billy Dunne inside her (and she had every intention of doing just that) it wasn’t going to be while she was still strung out and he was fucking out the pain of re-losing his father. She wanted to do this right. Because Daisy had had her fair share of men. But never a Billy Dunne. Never someone it actually meant something with.** _   
  
_**He didn’t protest. He leaned over and kissed her gently before rolling off the bed, and turning to help her do the same.** _

_____________________________________

  
 **Julia/Narrator:** On July 31, 1979, just over two weeks after their last show in Chicago, Daisy Jones entered rehab. Billy Dunne began treatment at an outpatient facility and stayed in Daisy’s bungalow working on some of the music that would become some of their first album without The Six. He also began keeping a journal, as part of his treatment, that he would later gift to his oldest daughter, Julia Dunne Rodriguez. On August 4, 1979, William Dunne, Sr. died of cardiac arrest, alone in the stock room of Dunne Records and Resale.  
  



	11. Chapter 11

**Billy** : As weird as it sounds, we found a really good groove…the four of us. Rod was taking me to treatment and therapy every day, then we’d stop and pick up food on the way home for dinner, where Simone had been busy keeping the house running and talking to Daisy’s doctors every day, making sure she knew what to expect when Daisy checked out of rehab. Every Sunday, the three of us would go visit Daisy for family day and group therapy. I actually benefited from group therapy a lot, even though I technically wasn’t the one being treated there. 

  
**Julia:** Home. 

  
**Billy** : What?

  
 **Julia** : You said you would pick up food on your way home. I always thought you thought your home was with us…

 **  
Billy** : [face drops] I did, sweet girl. I did. I didn’t mean it like that… I just meant…where I was staying at the time. It did become home for those eight weeks that Daisy was in rehab and I was working on my own sobriety and an album. 

  
**Julia** : This is still blowing my mind. Mom told me that you were on the road singing and that’s why you weren’t home. I never knew any of these stories… It’s a lot, dad. 

  
**Billy** : I know. I’m sorry. Do you want to stop?

  
 **Julia** : Not a chance. 

  
**  
Graham** : By August, I was convinced that I was never going to see my brother again. I honestly didn’t know how to feel about everything because I hated to see who he was becoming…who he was, but there was also a sense of relief when he wasn’t around. Minus every time I would come over to check on your mom and see you girls and you would run up to me with those big bright eyes of yours, wanting me to pick you up and then when I did, you would always play with my scruff and ask where your daddy was. That killed me. I don’t remember much about my father, but Billy was turning into exactly the person I always thought our dad was. Someone who didn’t give two fucks about his kids and just cared about himself. I hated him for that. 

  
**Billy** : I knew what Graham thought of me. It was obvious. Our relationship was really tested during that time period. It wouldn’t be the last time, but it was the first time that I had really felt it, and it really hurt. I was so used to having him there. Always there. We were all each other had, you know? He had at least started taking my calls more. He kept it short, but he always updated me on you three. He told me the new milestone your sisters were hitting and your new favorite thing of the week. You had found old episodes of the Brady Bunch and he told me that you were obsessed with Cindy because that was your nanny's name and you loved her blonde hair. [smiles sadly] I wish I could have seen that.

  
 **Julia** : Why didn’t you?

  
  
 **Billy** : [swallows hard] I needed to do these things to figure out who I was, what I wanted, and who I was going to be for you girls before I could come back around. It wouldn’t have been fair for you guys to have to work through that with me.

  
 **Camila** : Graham was a lifesaver during all of it. So was Karen, but they were different. Karen could handle the girly side of me, but Graham understood the Billy side of me and that…knowing someone understood your pain to their core because it was theirs too…that was priceless. You girls loved every time he would come over. It began to be something you looked forward to and eventually…so did I.

  
 **Simone** : It was an interesting thing, observing Billy Dunne on a day to day basis. He had so much swirling around inside of him and he was terrible at hiding it all. Every time he would call his brother or try to call his wife… he would mope for the rest of the night and be absolutely no good to anyone. It took both Rod and I to make sure he stayed sober after those phone calls. He had guilt written all over his body, and I remember one day just hugging him and saying, “You don’t have anything to feel guilty about. You’re saving her. You’re a hero”, and he just held me. Billy Dunne held ME as his emotions flooded him and he let some tears escape him. 

  
**Billy:** Simone quickly became one of the closest friends that I had ever had in my life. She was so strong, and confident, and sure of herself. I could see why Daisy loved her. It was also the first time that I had really been around a woman who didn’t care who I was and didn’t want anything from me. She just wanted me to get healthy and be a good person. There was freedom in that. I never saw her as anything other than a sister, but she was a godsend during that time for me. 

  
**Rod** : It had been a month since Daisy had checked into rehab and since Billy had seen his dad. I wanted to check out the record shop and just get a look at who William Dunne Sr. was. If he was the cause of all of this pain for Billy, which extended to Daisy and Camila and his daughters and the band and… I needed to see who this man was that held so much power over him. When I got there, the sign was flipped over to ‘closed’ and I checked my watch. It was 2pm and the store didn’t close ‘til seven. I put my hands around my eyes and peeked in and I saw a young kid, probably no more than seventeen, sweeping the floors. I knocked and knocked but he didn’t hear me. So I started pounding. He ran to the record player behind the counter and stopped the record that I hadn’t noticed was spinning. He came to the front door and cracked it slightly, barely sticking his head out and said, “Sorry sir, the store is closed for the time being”. I asked him why and he told me that the owner had died a couple weeks ago. My heart sank and my mind began to race, wondering what this was going to do to Billy. Should I even tell him? I didn’t know what to do. So…I asked Simone. 

  
**Simone** : I was shocked. And actually kind of devastated. I mean, the whole point of Daisy coming here was to learn about Billy and to find his dad. When she did, the man sent her into an overdosed spiral, but somehow, I was thankful to him because it was what made her finally go to rehab. I had been trying to do that for years. So…I owed him. I had secretly hoped that Billy would be able to get some good closure and by some luck or miracle, reconnect with his father. That wasn’t ever going to happen now, and I felt like Billy deserved to know that. 

  
**Billy** : I remember coming home from treatment that Tuesday, and Simone had made all kinds of amazing food. Comfort food. I knew something was up because we had all been living on burgers and deli sandwiches and that had been fine with us. But she had made the works. And we sat at the dining room table. We never did that. We always ate casually in front of the tv. We ate in silence for a while and I finally broke and asked what was going on. Simone told me that they had some bad news to tell me and my automatic thought was that Daisy had somehow relapsed. Someone had smuggled her drugs, and this was going to last another eight weeks. But Rod looked at Simone who gave him a ‘go on’ look, and he turned back to me, putting his fork down gently and wiping his mouth with his napkin. 

  
**Rod** : I didn’t even know how to start. I mean, how do you tell anyone that a loved one has passed away under GOOD circumstances… but this… I just figured I should just blurt it out. So I did.

  
 **Billy** : I didn’t believe him at first. I actually started laughing. I was like “real funny, guys, nice try”, and they just looked at me with sympathy on their faces. That’s when it felt like my heart dropped out of my chest. My dad was gone. Dead. And the last interaction we had for the first time in decades, was two punches to his jaw from me and a few snide remarks about Daisy and Camila from him, all while he tried to get me drunk. Oh, and him trying to convince me that he did actually love us.. which was bullshit. That was it. That was our last memory. And we would never be able to change that. I didn’t even say anything. I just left and started running. I had to see it for myself. I ran all the way to the record shop, which was a long way by the way and even harder when you’re not naturally a runner. When I got there, I saw the new sign on the door that said ‘closed indefinitely due to the death of the owner. May Mr. Dunne rest in peace’. I turned around and slid down the door, leaning against it and... I just yelled. Thankfully, no one was really out and about during dinner time back then, and the few people that were, really didn’t care. So I yelled and yelled until my voice was hoarse, and then I walked to a payphone and dialed Graham’s number. When he answered all I said was, “Dad’s dead”, and then I hung up.

  
 **Graham** : It took me a few minutes to process. I didn’t even know who was calling at first. No caller ID back then [chuckles]. His voice was hoarse and cracking and all he said was, “Dad’s dead”. When it finally hit me, I was in shock. I had no emotion. Nothing raging inside of me, no tears feeling like they needed to fall. Nothing. I mean, I was five when the man left, but you would think you would still react to the news that your parent is dead, right?

  
 **Julia** : Did it ever end up hitting you in an emotional way?

  
 **Graham** : It did. When I processed that phone call, I did the only thing I knew to do. The thing that had become comfortable. I called Camila. She told me to come over and when she opened that door and I saw little five year old you standing behind her, that’s when I lost it. I fell into her arms and she just let me cry. I remember you wrapping your little arms around my leg too and you were saying, “what’s wrong Uncle Ram?” [tears began to fill his eyes]. That was when I knew. I had to go to Pittsburgh and get Billy. I told Camila that I wouldn’t let Billy follow in our father’s footsteps anymore than he already had. I wouldn't let this be the scenario Julia had to live thirty years from now. I called Rod and asked him to get me a plane, but Runner doesn’t care about anyone else in the band whose name is not Billy or Daisy, so the best he could do was get me a first class ticket. Which he paid for himself. Gotta love that man. I told him not to tell Billy I was coming though. Didn’t want to blow that surprise. 

  
**Julia** : How did you feel when you heard the news?

  
 **Camila** : Honestly? I forgot about everything that made me mad concerning your dad. I just wanted to be with him. And under different circumstances, I probably would have been in the seat right next to Graham on the next flight to Pittsburgh, but I was stubborn and I had told Billy to stay away and I knew that Graham was going to need this time too…so I stayed. 

  
**Billy** : When Simone opened the door and I saw Graham standing on the front porch, I am not ashamed to admit that I cried like a baby. I hugged him and he hugged me back. Really hugged me. All of the anger we had been harboring against each other, well him more than me but still, washed away in that moment and we were five and seven again, the same feelings we felt when our dad left us the first time, crashing into the pain of this new reality. 

  
**Graham** : I never got to know him. Our dad. At least Billy had a chance. Even if he didn’t take it, he still got the chance. I should have let Billy speak that day he called me and told me he was in Pitt. I could have come a lot sooner and maybe I could have gotten some time with my dad. That haunts me every day. 

  
**Billy** : Graham fit in well with the three of us. I mean, it was easy to love Simone and he already knew and loved Rod, so he quickly became a part of our little unit. He showed me polaroids of you girls…and your mom. My heart ached when I saw her. It really did. I missed her. Sometimes at night I could hear her laugh or smell her perfume on one of my shirts and… it wasn’t easy staying away, Jules. I want you to know that. I didn’t stay away because I didn’t love all of you. I stayed away because I did. 

  
**Julia:** I know **.** We knew. And you’ve done a great job making up for that lost time over the years too. I really appreciate that. 

  
**Simone** : It was Wednesday when Graham showed up and he fit in like he had been there the whole time. Everything was good until we mentioned going to see Daisy on Sunday.

  
 **Billy** : His whole face changed when Simone mentioned Daisy. If body language could kill, we would all be dead. Simone asked if Graham wanted to join us on Sunday for group therapy with Daisy and he stared at her for a long time before answering.

  
 **Graham** : I was trying to make up my mind. My last encounter with Daisy was a bad one. On both of our ends. But I still blamed her for this whole mess in the first place. Anywhere there was a pain, Daisy was somehow involved. Even when it came to OUR father…Daisy had her hands all up in that pot. I didn’t want to see her. But as I thought about it, I came to the conclusion that this is my big brother. I loved him and he needed my help right then. I needed to be the strong one and do the things he couldn't do while Daisy was clouding his mind. I also realized that Daisy was getting sober. Which meant she would be able to hear me loud and clear when I reminded her to stay the fuck away from my family.


	12. Chapter 12

_**Billy Dunne's Journal** _

_**August 12, 1979** _   
  
_**Julia,** _   
  
_**I don’t know that you’ll ever read this. I don’t know that I’ll ever send it or if I’m just writing it to make myself feel better. According to my rehab counselor a lot of what I do is just to make myself feel better. I’ve got notebooks full of thoughts that I usually just turn into music. But this one I’m supposed to fill with stuff in my head and not turn it into music. So I figured, I’d turn it into something for you.** _   
  
_**My dad died this week. I won’t call him your grandfather because he was never that. Hell I shouldn’t even call him my dad because he was never that either. Not that I remember. Which is why I’m writing this today.** _   
  
_**Your uncle Graham was your age when our dad left. And he doesn’t remember him at all. I don’t remember much more than that other than he would play guitar at night and I used to like hearing it when I fell asleep. But Graham doesn’t have any memories of him. And I realized, Julia, that it would kill me if you had no memories of me. Cause baby, I have some amazing ones.** _   
  
_**I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to explain to you why I’m across the country right now writing this letter and not there tucking you in and playing guitar with you and living my whole life with you on my back. I don’t know. I want that more than anything. But I’m so afraid. I wish I could get someone to understand how afraid I am. When I saw my dad I saw myself. And I can’t become that. I can’t do to you what he did to me and I won’t do to your mom what he did to mine. Even though it must feel like that is exactly what I am doing.** _   
  
_**So I promise you. And I promise myself. I am going to get better. Not for your mom. Not for Daisy Jones. I’m going to get better for you. Because I don’t want to be found dead in some shop by myself someday. I want to have you with me for my whole life. You and your sisters. I want to earn you in my life. I’m going to do this right. Somehow.** _   
  
_**You know, when I saw my dad it was like looking in a mirror. I had only felt that once before in my life. It was when I looked at you for the first time. Obviously you don’t remember that, but man I do. You looked just like me. I mean as much as an eight pound little girl could. You still do. Sorry about that. Susana and Maria, they are your mom through and through with that dark hair and their dark skin and those big lips. But you’re all mine, babygirl. And that’s the mirror I need in my life, not my dad.** _   
  
_**I’m trying to get back to you. I love you with my whole heart. I miss you so much. Don’t forget about me.** _   
  
_**Dad** _

______________________________  
  
 **Simone:** I was nervous for Graham to go with us. Daisy was doing great at rehab. She was stronger and more herself every single time we had gone. She was writing. She was meditating. She we regaining strength both mentally and physically and they even suggested she could probably reduce her stay to six weeks. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that either. But I did know that I wasn’t gonna let Graham Dunne undo it all. You know I think a lot of people thought, maybe still think, that Billy was this dark and dangerous man and Graham was the safe and solid younger brother. That wasn’t the way I saw either of them.  
  
 **Rod:** I pulled Graham aside when we got to the treatment center. Billy and Simone we’re sharing a cigarette just out of earshot and I told him, ‘I’m not bringing you in here to make a scene. It’s a nice place. You can take a walk while you wait. Don’t try to do anybody any favors. We have to get her better.’  
  
 **Graham:** I heard what Rod was saying. And I knew he was right. I was angry. At Daisy, and Billy, at Karen. Man, I called Daisy the ticking time bomb...but in those days? Hell, it was probably me. I promised Rod I just wanted to see how it was going and try to learn how to be there for my brother through all of it. I meant that. I really did. I had to stop hating Billy so damn much. I had to. It wasn’t who I wanted us to be. You know?  
  
 **Julia:** I do.  
  
 **Daisy:** Rehab was, well what can I say, it was like everything else. Great for some moments and lousy for others. But by the time Graham came to see me I actually felt pretty good. I felt like myself. And I lived for those Sundays. Absolutely lived for them.  
  
 **Billy:** I was always on edge going to that treatment facility. I remembered what it was like to have to stay in one, so I felt like an imposter coming and going. Especially when it meant leaving Daisy behind. But I knew it was working. You could see it all over her. Her eyes were clear. She was beautiful. In this really natural way. With everything swept away. She was writing, too, so we would sit and work sometimes, looking through lyrics. Or I’d hum melodies and she’d drum out rhythms.   
  
**Graham** : She was surprised to see me, no doubt. But I tried to be there for her. I offered her a hug and she took it. She hugged me so hard. I remember thinking, down girl. It lasted so long. And I finally gave in and stopped being uneasy with it and just...hugged her back.   
  
**Daisy:** I tried to remind myself that Graham being there didn’t mean I had his blessing.   
  
**Julia:** Did you ever feel like you got it?  
  
 **Daisy:** Don’t rush the narrative, Jules. [she and I both laugh] Your uncle and I came to understand each other. Yes.  
  
 **Julia** : Did either of them tell you that their father had passed away?  
  
 **Daisy:** No. And it breaks my heart even now that I didn’t know sooner. Something was off with Billy but I assumed it was having Graham back around. I didn’t put two and two together and I should have.  
  
 **Graham:** I sat and had a cup of pretty bad black coffee in this sort of, I dunno, dining room area? Rod was talking to me but I was barely listening. I was watching Billy and Daisy at a table not far from us. They both had their little notebooks and they wrote and talked and scribbled. I kinda thought about it and you know what? Maybe it was just about the music. Maybe it really was just getting clean and being better and writing together without all the other bullshit and drama. But I also noticed their legs touching under the table. Little things you know? The things Karen and I had gotten really good at hiding. So when we left there I don’t know what I really thought.   
  
**Camila:** Graham called me the night he had seen Daisy. I asked how she was. I was legitimately concerned for her. I wanted her to get better. I needed her to get better. Graham told me it was going well. Of course I asked about your dad. How he was handling things. Graham told me he was doing ok. And I asked Graham how he was. I knew he was in a helluva spot and I hated that I wasn’t there to help.  
  
 **Graham:** I told Camila that I really did think it was about getting sober. And the band. That I was sure I could talk him into coming home, with or without Daisy.  
  
 **Camila:** I begged him not to. If Billy was coming home it had to be his decision. It just had to be.  
  
 **Julia:** Did you think he would come home?  
  
 **Camila:** Yes. I knew he wouldn’t leave you girls. I had no doubt he was coming home. Even if it wasn’t to me. My real fear started when it dawned on me that I always assumed your dad loved Daisy for her brokenness. She was this baby bird that he felt the need to carry under his wing. But if she got clean? And he still couldn’t shake her? It sounds crazy to say that I was jealous of her drug habit. But her understanding him in that way is something I could never do for him. If Billy Dunne and Daisy Jones are both straight and still falling in love? I....  
  
 **Julia:** I’m sorry. Let’s take a break.  
  
 **Graham:** I stayed for a few days and made sure your dad’s head was in the right place. I believe it was. We had some good talks. Kinda worked through some things that needed to be said. We even went to record store together one afternoon. He tell you?  
  
 **Camila:** Mom did.  
  
 **Graham:** Of course she did. [he laughs] We found a drawer full of our stuff. Pictures, newspaper clippings, everything you could imagine. Even a ticket stub from our Philly show on the Aurora tour. A picture of Billy and me with the old Silvertone. You have all that stuff?  
  
 **Julia** : I do.   
  
**Graham:** Good. That picture will be worth something someday. Hang onto it. He told me he was gonna buy an RV and drive himself back to LA. Finish up enough music for an album. I didn’t have the heart to tell him he’d be writing it for a band that didn’t exist anymore. I went back California and just...waited it out. Spent that time with your mom and you girls. Trying to fill in the gaps. I knew I’d never be your dad, but I think he appreciated that I was trying.   
  
**Julia:** We all did.  
  
 **Karen:** Graham was spending all his time with you girls. I thought it was part of his hero worship for Billy. Can’t be right all the time.  
  
 **Simone:** When Daisy was released it felt like the beginning of a new chapter for everyone. It had been a long time since I had felt like I didn’t have to be scared for her. And I wasn’t. I really wasn’t. Rod went to pick her up and Billy and I got the place all cleaned up, lit some candles for her, we made this great dinner. I mean, when you can’t drink you just eat more right?  
  
 **Billy:** Simone and I were making this dinner and just...really happy there in the kitchen. It was fleeting. We both knew Daisy would get home and we would all go our own ways, but, that night is frozen in my memory for so many reasons. It just felt new. Everything felt new.  
  
 **Simone** : We are cooking this big bowl of pasta and I’m humming and singing and all of the sudden Billy is tugging my wrist into the back room. There was this piano there. He sat at it and started to play. This haunting melody. Like nothing I had ever heard. It felt like disco on a piano. He could really play. He sang a little something over it and I sat next to him.  
  
 **Billy:** I told her I’d been working on this song but it just didn’t feel right for Daisy or me.  
  
 **Simone:** That was the first time I heard...or sung...Heart Of Gold. That song was my first number one. Most people don’t even know your dad wrote it.  
  
 **Daisy:** I came in and heard the piano. Simone singing. That moment, in that tiny bungalow. In the middle of nowhere, Pennsylvania, finally clean...that was one of my favorite moments of my entire life. I walked in quietly so they didn’t stop and I listened just long enough to start singing some harmonies with her. Our voices were so different but I always loved singing with her. They both turned but didn’t stop.   
  
**Simone:** Your dad missed a chord. That doesn’t happen a lot.   
  
**Billy:** That night was just, great. I felt like myself. And there was really just one person I wanted to share that with.

______________________________________  
  
 _ **1979**_  
  
 _ **(Billy calls home.)**_  
  
 _ **Graham: Hello?**_  
  
 _ **Billy: Hey, it’s me.**_  
  
 _ **Graham: Hey. How’s everyone?**_  
  
 _ **Billy: Good. Real good. Daisy got out today. How are my girls?**_  
  
 _ **Graham: They’re good man. Camila has the twins in the bath. Want me to have her call you?**_  
  
 _ **Billy: She won’t want to. Jules around?**_  
  
 _ **Graham: Sure, hang on.**_  
  
 _ **Julia: Hello?**_  
  
 _ **Billy: [long pause] Is this Julia Dunne??**_  
  
 _ **Julia: IS THIS MY DADDY?**_  
  
 _ **Billy: You bet it is sweetheart. Daddy misses you so much. You being good for mommy?**_  
  
 _ **Graham: Say yes, Jules, he can’t see you nodding.**_  
  
 _ **Julia: Yes, daddy. Will you be home for bed time?**_  
  
 _ **Billy: Not tonight, baby. What about you and me have a date in....three nights? Ok? Can you wait that long?**_  
  
 _ **Julia: I’ll wait for you, Daddy.**_  
  
 _ **Billy: Hey I need you to do some jobs for me can you do that?**_  
  
 _ **Graham: She’s nodding yes. Phones are hard, man.**_  
  
 _ **Billy: [laughing] Ok. I want you to give the twins big giant kisses from me and tell them that I’ll be home soon. I want you to tell your mom how much I love her and how beautiful she is. And I want you to tell Uncle Graham thank you for taking care of you so well. Can you do that?**_  
  
 _ **Julia: I love you, Daddy.**_  
  
 _ **Billy: I love you more.**_  
  
 _ **Julia: I love you most. DADDY WAIT!**_  
  
 _ **Billy: I’m here...**_  
  
 _ **Julia: Can you do a job for me?**_  
  
 _ **Billy: Julia Dunne I’ll do anything you want me to do just say the word.**_  
  
 _ **Julia: If you see Daisy Jones while you are singing will you tell her how much I love her and how beautiful SHE is and then ask her if she can come over to play with me and also bring cookies. Bye.**_  
  
 _ **Billy: [laughing] I will do that. I love you, Jules. So much. I’ll see you soon. Bye Uncle Graham.**_

_____________________________________________  
  
 **Daisy:** After dinner Billy ducked into the bedroom to call home and I didn’t let it bother me. I was surprised at how little it bothered me. And he didn’t close the door. There were no secrets. When I heard that it was you he was talking to....I felt like...this is it. We are making it.  
  
 **Rod:** I was cleaning up when I heard Billy yell for everyone to come out back and I thought...oh shit here we go. [Rod laughs]  
  
 **Billy:** I had bought this real piece of shit, silver bullet camper. I mean, if it didn’t say Malibu all over it I don’t know what did. I had to scrape old bumper stickers off of it but I had been working on fixing that fucking thing up for weeks.   
  
**Rod:** He really did work on it. I know it helped him stay sober. We moved some stuff into it. Simone helped I guess you could say “Daisify” it. The seventies were coming to a close but this was the most peace and love and bohemian thing you’ve ever seen. These two kids and a camper. Billy had this idea to just drive across the country and write. Get back to LA and record. I wasn’t about to get in the way of the album Runner Records was already pressuring us for.  
  
 **Simone:** [laughing] It was an absolute mess. But man did he love it. It had it’s charm, I’ll give him that. It also only had one bed. Not that I would put it past Billy to sleep on the floor or even outside in a blanket...but when he invited me to come with them I thought better of it.   
  
**Rod:** I flew back and went about trying to reach out at least to Warren and Pete.  
  
 **Billy:** That camper was gold, man. I’d still be living in it today if it hadn’t just started to fall apart around me. It was absolute gold.  
  
 **Simone:** It was tragic.  
  
 **Rod:** It was a fresh start.  
  
 **Daisy:** It was perfect.


	13. Chapter 13

**Simone** : Rod left and I felt sad. It is amazing how people can randomly walk into your life, and sometimes, like this time, it’s under horrible circumstances. But by the time you part ways, you know that you’ve created a bond that only you two understand. That was me and Rod. I love that man. So, he left, and Billy rented a truck, determined to haul his new prized possession piece of junk all the way back to LA, only stopping when he got tired. He planned on it being a three day trip. He had some very special little girls to get back to [winks]. Daisy was thrilled. She invited herself to go with him. He never asked her, but the way that the camper was decorated kind of gave away the fact that he didn’t need to. It was a given. They wanted me to go back with them, but like I mentioned before, I thought better of it. Plus, I was gearing up to start the second half of my European tour, and I really needed to get back to London. So, I flew out the same day Rod did, just in the evening. I remember Billy and Daisy waving to me as I walked down the walkway to board the plane and I remember thinking, “This is going to be interesting”. When I had hugged Billy goodbye, I had whispered in his ear, “Take care of her”. And I knew he would. But two recovering junkies on a cross country road trip alone… I was nervous. 

  
**Billy** : I would have loved it if Simone had joined us, but I can’t say I wasn’t relieved when she said no.

  
 **Daisy** : If she would have said yes, I would have asked her to make other plans.

  
 **Julia** : You had to know what was going to happen when the two of them were stuck together for three days…right?

  
 **Graham** : I was trying really hard to believe him this time when he said that it was really just about the music. I had hoped that was true. 

  
**Daisy** : We left early in the morning, stopping for some breakfast before fully hitting the road, and then we took off. When we pulled away from the bungalow, I felt a little sad. I loved our little bubble there. It was like a completely different world. Not to mention, outside of the hospital nurses and the gossips in the record shop, no one really cared that Billy Dunne and Daisy Jones were in their town. It was refreshing. But I was anxious to get back to LA too. Billy and I had been working on some really great stuff in our free time, and I was excited to run it by the whole band. I knew I would have some apologizing to do, but I had really missed them. All of them.   
  
  
**Billy** : When we were all settled and on the highway, I remember looking over at Daisy and smiling at the sight of her. The windows were down, her hair was blowing in the wind, her arm was stretched out the window, her feet were up on the dash and a flowy blue summer dress that hugged her in all the right places was blowing in the wind too as she stuck it between her knees, trying to keep it down. She had her signature hoop earrings on and of course her arm was adorned with all of her bracelets. The dress dipped low, and she had a long cross hanging down to her stomach. She was in charge of the music and we listened to a lot of Fleetwood Mac. She was obsessed with Stevie Nicks, and we wore out their Rumours album on cassette. Literally. The tape came out and got all jacked up. So we improvised. I can still see her playing air drums and air guitar after the tape was gone and we belted out ‘The Chain’ over and over again. We laughed a lot. I remember thinking that I had never seen her this free. Ever. Rehab had done her a world of good.

  
 **Julia** : Interesting choice in song, I’ve got to say.

  
 **Billy** : [laughs] Yeah…the irony is not lost on me. 

  
**Daisy** : Remember how I said I didn’t get to see Billy’s dimples very often? Well I got to see them a lot on that trip. [smiles]

  
 **Billy** : We drove for fifteen hours the first day. We had planned on doing twelve and stopping to write a bit, but by hour twelve we were still feeling good, so we pushed through. After some gas station stops and a lot of snack refills, we kept going until we found this perfect little campsite somewhere in Kansas. For the middle of August, it wasn’t very busy. We parked in the very back, away from the amenities like the community pool and of course the concession stands. We didn’t want to draw attention to ourselves, but we were also exhausted. We parked, and I hooked all of the necessary things up while Daisy made the bed and put on a kettle to start some tea. Tea was her new thing. It was something she fell in love with in rehab while she meditated. I wasn’t going to argue with it, and I grew to love a good oolong tea.

  
 **Julia** : So that’s where that started! I always thought that was an interesting beverage choice, but you always have oolong tea at your house. 

  
**  
Billy** : [laughs] What can I say? It’s just so damn good. 

  
**Daisy** : I hated oolong tea! I still do. I’m much more of a chamomile girl now, but at the time, oolong made me feel cool. And it was fun to say. 

  
**Billy** : I walked into the camper and she had a two candles lit by the sink, and it was the only thing that illuminated the room. She had her bedding from the bungalow on the bed and she had thrown all of her hair up in a messy bun. She changed into a white tank top and some short shorts, making sure her back was to me when she stood in the view of the doorway to the bathroom and lifted the blue dress off of her body. She knew I was watching her every move. How could I not. The tank she put on was the same one she wore for our album cover, so you can guess how she looked in that.

  
 **Daisy** : I knew he was watching. I…I wanted… do you really want to hear this?

  
 **Julia** : [nods]

  
 **Daisy** : [sighs] Ok. Here it goes. I wanted him to watch me. I wanted to move slowly, just teasing him enough to make him want to move closer and touch me. That’s why I had my back to him. I wanted him to come spin me around so he could take in the full sight of me before I put that tank top on. He didn’t.

  
 **Billy** : I wanted to. God I wanted to. It was amazing how even the camper smelled like Daisy and we had only been parked for half an hour. She looked so beautiful in the candlelight and my body was betraying me, so I grabbed a blanket and I walked out of that camper, with shaky hands and blue balls, and I slept in the truck. 

  
**Daisy** : I cried myself to sleep that night. I blew out the candles and turned off the music I had been playing, and I just laid in the silence, staring at the ceiling and letting the tears fall. He was so hard to read. I honestly rarely knew what he was thinking or where he stood. We hadn’t talked about what we were going to do when we got back to LA outside of finishing an album. But my heart ached for him and so did my body. I remember just lying there, crying, and closing my eyes as I reached my hands down my body, touching every part of me, doing everything I could to imagine it was Billy who was touching me and not my own hands. Billy’s fingers circling my nipples and my most sensitive area, and not mine. Billy filling me fully, lovingly, tenderly, and not my own fingers instead. But my mind had a wonderful imagination and my body quivered under my own touch. And when I came, I made sure to scream his name loud enough for him to hear. 

  
**Billy** : I heard her. Of course I heard her. It took everything in me not to turn into a teenage boy and blow a load right there. 

  
**Julia** : DAD.

  
 **Billy** : Sorry.

  
  
 **Daisy** : The next morning was awkward to say the least. He came into the camper with two coffees and bedhead, and he just handed me the cup and gave me a nod as he said, “Ready?”. I had already packed everything away safely, so I nodded yes.

  
 **Billy** : We rode in silence for at least two hours. Literally. Just the radio and both of us looking out our respective windows. She looked beautiful though. She was wearing an off the shoulder cheetah print blouse and flared white pants. She was wearing wedges and her hair was up in a messy bun with a black headband around her head. Her same hoops and bracelets too of course. I wanted to say something. Anything. But when I tried to, all I could hear was her screaming my name. 

  
**Daisy** : I had just gone through six weeks of rehab to get rid of all of the pain and silence of secrets I tried to shove under the rug. I didn’t want this drive to turn into that. I need him to know that I wanted him. Needed him. And I needed to know if he needed me too. So…I broke the silence.

_________

**1979, somewhere in Oklahoma.**

  
_**“Did you hear me last night?” Daisy turned to Billy as she bit her lip nervously.** _

_**Billy looked at Daisy quickly before turning back to look at the road, one hand resting on the top of the steering wheel.** _

_**“When?” Billy looked out his window as he spoke.** _

_**“You know when. Last night when you were in the truck, refusing to be anywhere near me.”** _

_**Billy looked over at her again before turning away and flinching.** _

_**“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I was exhausted. I crashed pretty quickly after I climbed into the truck. Did you need something?”** _

_**“Billy…” She gave him a frustrated look as he continued to look straight ahead.** _

_**“What?”** _

_**“Billy… yes. Yes I did. I needed you. And I think you know that.”** _

_**He looked over at her again, but this time, after he turned back to watch the road, he turned back to her right away.** _

_**He sighed heavily as he whispered, “Yeah…yeah I heard you.”** _

_**“And?” Her voice was soft as her eyes were searching his face for any sign of anything.** _

  
_**“And what?”** _

  
_**“And what did you think about that?”** _

_**Billy was quiet for a long time trying to decide which way to take this. Should he continue lying like he knew he should, or should he just get it all out right here… he decided on that latter and inhaled sharply as he blurted everything out.** _

  
_**“I thought that it was the hottest thing I’ve ever heard. I thought that I wanted to be the one doing the things to you that made you scream my name. I wanted to be in that bed with you, kissing you and feeling our bodies become one. I have wanted to do that for a very long time, Daisy. Probably from the first moment I laid my eyes on you. I think you know that. Every night singing into the same mic is absolute torture. I smell you on my clothes when I take them off and I find myself smelling my shirts just to smell you. I never felt more scared or desperate than I did when I saw you lying in that hospital bed. I thought I was going to lose you…for good. It wrecked me. But…” He looked over at her, a lump forming in his throat as he saw the tears silently streaming down her face.** _

_**Her voice was barely a whisper as she spoke.** _

_**“…But you have your family. You don’t love me, and you choose them. Got it.” She turned back to face the front, trying desperately to still her tears. She wasn’t angry. She knew what he was saying. It just hurt to finally hear him say the things she had only dreamed he would say to her, just to have him rip it away.** _

  
_**“Hey, hey, hey. I didn’t finish and I didn’t say that. Look at me. Daisy look at me.”** _

_**She turned to him slightly.** _

_**“I never said I didn’t love you. Of course I do. God, how could I not. I feel like you are the other half of my heart, woman. But… I have my girls. My three beautiful little girls who need their daddy, and a wife who, no matter how bad things are or how much I’m struggling with our marriage right now, doesn’t deserve to be hurt like this.”** _

_**He reached over to Daisy and held his hand out, palm side up. She took it with one hand and drew circles on it with her other.** _

_**“If the girls weren’t a part of this scenario, I would have chosen you a long time ago Daisy Jones. Know that. But I can’t be like my father and just abandon them for something that feels good in the moment. I love them too much.”** _

_**His own tears were cracking his voice and he looked ahead as he blinked them away.** _

_**She continued playing with his hand before she laced their fingers together and brought his hand to her lips.** _

_**“I’m willing to wait, Billy. I love you. However long you need…take it. I’m not going anywhere.”** _

___________

 **Billy** : We had planned on driving fifteen hours that next day to Arizona, but we were beat after ten and stopped in New Mexico. It was still relatively early, so we did a little bit of sightseeing before we grabbed some dinner. When we got back to the camper, Daisy did her nightly routine of lighting candles, playing music and starting the tea kettle. I just sat on the bed and watched her move so gracefully between tasks. She floated like she was on a cloud when she walked, and it was mesmerizing.

 **  
Daisy** : He had told me the truth and that was all I could have asked for. He was a good man, Jules. You were always the first thing on his mind. I hope you know that…

  
 **Julia** : I do. Did you feel like your chance with him was over after that conversation?

  
 **  
Daisy** : No. Because I saw it in his eyes as he spoke. He wanted me. I know he didn’t want to, but he did. And I wanted him too. And you girls. I loved the three of you too… I just didn’t know how I could fit into your life when you already had the most perfect woman for a mom. It was intimidating to think about. But all I knew was that whether I ended up with Billy Dunne for the long haul or not, I was not going to let this LA road trip go to waste.


	14. Chapter 14

**1979, Somewhere in New Mexico**

**_“How do you drink this stuff?” Billy made a gagging face as he drank the chamomile tea Daisy had made instead of her usual oolong, just to mix things up._ **

**_Daisy laughed._ **

**_“You need to expand your palate, Dunne.” She was sitting across from him at their little pull-out table and she nudged his leg with her foot under the table._ **

**_They had managed to work on, and polish up a couple of songs that they had been working on and they were feeling pleased with themselves as the night was getting late._ **

**_  
“I guess I do.” Billy took another drink before he lifted his glass and said, “But tonight is not the night.”_ **

**_  
He stood up and walked to the little sink to dump out his mug and when he turned around, Daisy was right there, leaning up against him, her hands on both sides of him on the counter, looking up at him longingly._ **

**_“Daisy…what are you…”_ **

**_Before he could finish his sentence, her lips were on his._ **

**_He pulled back instantly, but as he looked into her pleading eyes, he broke. He leaned back into her, wrapping his arms around her waist, and lifting her up as she quickly wrapped her legs around his back and her arms around his neck. He stumbled back against the wall as she began exploring his mouth with her tongue, tasting the chamomile on his tongue and breathing in time with him. She reached her hand down to the front of his pants and put her hand over his rapidly growing hardness, eliciting a hiss from Billy as he slowly lowered her down off of him and pulled away, walking towards the door as he put his hand on the back of his neck and turned to her._ **

**_“It’s getting late, Daisy. I’m going to go sleep in the truck again. I think that would be best right now.”_ **

**_He put his hand on the door handle, but she quickly moved to put her hand on top of his._ **

**_“Billy…stay. Please stay. Why should we keep denying ourselves what we really want? We’ve fought damn hard to get clean and sober, and I always knew that if I ever got my life straightened out, I would still want you. ALL of you. Loving me and feeling good doesn’t mean that you’re not choosing your girls. You can have us both, you know...”_ **

**_She lifted his hand off of the door handle and placed it on her breast, holding it against her shirt and her now hard nipple._ **

**_He stared into her eyes, seeing the love, lust and desperation in them and he felt his heart began to race in anticipation. He wanted her too. So bad.  
  
Maybe she was right. People already thought they had done it anyway and being with her didn’t mean he would cease to exist to his girls.  
  
He needed this.  
  
They both did. _ **

**_He turned his head to the side, his eyes shut tight as he pinched the bridge of his nose with the hand that was not resting on her breast before he whispered, “Fuck it” and pulled her back into him, kissing her deeply, fully giving himself permission to let go and explore her. All of her. Doing everything he had been denying himself for years._ **

**_They stumbled back onto the bed and Daisy scooted up towards the top as Billy hovered over her. They were kissing each other all over. Lips and foreheads and jawlines and cheeks…if it was on their face, they were kissing it._ **

**_Billy slowly began rolling his hips into her stomach as he kissed down her cheek, behind her ear, down her neck and over her collarbone. He kissed the sharp dips she had in it, kissing across her chest slowly as she grabbed his hair and began moving her body in rhythm with his._ **

**_Billy sat up and pulled his shirt over his head, and Daisy sat up with him, running her fingers down his chest as the absence of his shirt revealed it._ **

**_He grabbed the bottom of her shirt and quickly, but gently, pulled it over her head revealing her perfect breasts that were staring right back at him. He didn’t even think, he just did._ **

**_He grabbed her and pulled her onto his lap as she straddled him, and he leaned forward, kissing her neck again as she tilted her head to give him more access as she held his head in her hands. Her hips were grinding into his stomach and he could feel her thin sweatpants that she was wearing while she was going commando, quickly soaking through, leaving a stripe of her wetness up and down his abs._ **

**_Even her desire smelled sweet. His green eyes were turning black with lust as he kissed his way down her body, stopping at each breast and kissing them gently before licking around her nipples in circles, then taking them in his mouth one by one, sucking, pulling and biting softly, shooting electricity through her body.  
  
Camila’s breasts were bigger than Daisy’s, but Daisy’s were softer and perkier, and he reveled in the experience. Daisy moaned as he continued taking bigger mouthfuls of her breast into his mouth and she instinctually reached her hand down between them and down her pants, rubbing furious circles around her bundle as Billy continued to grind his hips down on her. _ **

**_His cock was pressing against his denim jeans painfully hard, and he let out a cry in desperation. Daisy began unbuttoning and unzipping them and when she did, it sprung free, shining from the juices that were escaping from the tip already._ **

**_Daisy’s jaw dropped. She had been with a lot of men before, but she could truly say that she had never seen a better penis than Billy Dunne’s. It made her groan into his mouth as she pulled him up to her lips and reached down to brush her fingers over the tip. She collected the escaping drops and brought her finger to her lips, licking him off of it and sighing in pleasure._ **

**_That made Billy growl and he pushed her back and grabbed the waistband of her sweatpants, pulling them down and off in one swift motion._ **

**_She instantly spread her legs wide for him, and he marveled at the site of her neatly trimmed bush, and the juices that were freely running down her leg and down to her ass._ **

**_He licked his lips before kissing her stomach, trailing kisses down in a straight line before veering off to one thigh, kissing the inside of it slowly, licking up her escaping desire as he went. He lifted on of her legs up and kissed her ankle, all the way up her leg until he reached her center. He inhaled the sweet musk of her and kissed her lips like he was kissing her mouth._ **

**_“Billy…please.” Daisy panted as she grabbed the back of his head with one hand and the bed sheet with the other, pushing his head further into her._ **

**_He didn’t hesitate. He spread her open with two fingers and dove right in, teasing her by lightly running his tongue along her slit, her nectar wetting his face as he went. She tasted like nothing he had ever tasted before. Sweet and surprisingly innocent._ **

**_He was loving being this intimate with someone because Camila hadn’t let him go down on her in years. She didn’t want him looking at her down there after giving birth to three kids, and while he understood where she was coming from, he didn’t care about what she looked like. He just wanted her to let him in. But she had built a wall that she was determined to never knock down._ **

**_Daisy was breathing heavily, her stomach contracting and reacting to every kiss and touch. He inserted his tongue inside of her, moving it in and out as she howled._ **

**_Billy was glad that they had decided not to stay at a campsite that night, instead, finding a secluded area by the water. He was going to make Daisy scream his name for real and he was glad they weren’t going to be interrupted._ **

**_“Oh…my…fucking…god…yeah…right...there...oh GOD…” Daisy was writhing beneath his touch as he licked his way up to her little bundle of nerves, teasing her as he licked around it and tapped it softly like it was a piano. She hissed and he went in for the kill. He wrapped his mouth around it as he inserted three fingers into her, and she screamed in ecstasy. She hit her wave hard and she wrapped her arms and legs around his back as she arched her back and rode her high._ **

**_“Holy…fuck…Billy Dunne…you are a god.” She panted as she continued to slide her body up and down against his ready member._ **

**_He kissed her neck again as she came down and when she had caught her breath, she pushed him off of her and onto his back. She pulled his pants down fully and without any hesitation or fumbling, she straddled him and grabbed the base of his cock, slowly easing herself down on him and crying out in pleasure as the feeling of Billy Dunne filling her up entirely was even more emotional than she had expected. She sat there for a minute, not wanting to move as her walls adjusted to his size. He fit in her like he was a missing puzzle piece and she had just found it. Her puzzle was complete in that moment._ **

**_“Are…are you ready?” He asked pleadingly and she felt him throbbing inside of her._ **

**_She nodded as she began moving up and down on him. He grabbed her hips to steady her and sweat was dripping from his forehead as he found his rhythm with her. They moved like the perfect song. A beautiful melody with a rocking drumbeat._ **

**_Daisy leaned back and rested her hand on Billy’s thigh, his shaft hitting her clit at this new angle, causing them both to shout out in rapture._ **

**_“Christ, you are so tight…and wet…and…perfect…” Billy panted in between his words._ **

**_“I’m so close…” Daisy was picking up speed, moving erratically as she was reaching her climax, desperate to pull him over with her._ **

**_“Me…too…” Billy grabbed her ass and moved her closer to him, causing her to sit up and lean forward._ **

**_His eyes were shut tight in concentration._ **

**_“Look at me, Billy…”_ **

**_He kept moving, eyes still closed._ **

**_“Baby, look at me.” Daisy grabbed his face with both of her hands, and he opened his eyes._ **

**_“I love you…” She leaned in and kissed him as she felt her wave crashing into its ocean._ **

**_“BILLY DUNNNNNEEEEEE” She screamed as she rode him and her orgasm overtook her.  
  
The sight of her screaming his name at her highest moment of pleasure while her wetness slapped against him and her breasts bounced in his face, sent him soaring and he cried out his own exclamation._ **

**_“I LOVE YOU…OH GOD…TOOO…AHH.”_ **

**_They kept moving with each other, like the outro of a great song that you just don’t want to end._ **

**_Daisy finally fell onto his chest, desperately trying to catch her breath._ **

**_Billy stayed inside of her as long as he could, wishing he could stay hard and stay in this moment forever._ **

**_He wrapped his arms around her back and kissed her forehead that was now wet with sweat._ **

**_They laid there for a long time before Daisy whispered, “Do you really love me? Like…really?”_ **

**_Billy paused before he answered, “Yeah. I think I always have.”_ **

**_She pulled him tighter and she played with the hair on his chest as she felt him chuckle above her._ **

**_“What?” She began to laugh along with him._ **

**_Billy cleared his throat._ **

**_“I almost forgot to deliver a very important message to you from Julia, Miss Daisy Jones.” There was a smile in Billy’s voice as Daisy lifted her head to look at him, her eyes sparkling in bliss._ **

**_“Oh yeah? Do tell.”_ **   
**_  
“She asked me to do a very important job for her. She told me to tell Daisy Jones that she is so beautiful, and I am supposed to ask you if you want to come over and play with her.”_ **

**_Daisy rested her chin on the back of her hand that was still resting on his chest._ **

**_“You can tell her that I would love to. Actually I would love nothing more. And maybe, just maybe, her dad will want to play with me too…” She leaned up and kissed the side of his chin gently as he leaned into it._ **

**_He inhaled sharply as he ran his fingers up and down her back._ **

**_“I would love that too. So much. And you are beautiful. So beautiful. Even my five year old knows that.”_ **

**_“Really?” Her eyes were searching his face._ **

**_“Really.”_ **

**_He bent down and placed a soft kiss on her lips before he started laughing again._ **

**_“What now?!”_ **

**_“I almost forgot the most important part of Julia’s message.”_ **

**_Daisy smiled._ **

**_“She told me that you have to bring her cookies.”_ **

**_  
Daisy let out a sweet giggle._ **

**_  
“Done.”_ **

_______

 **Daisy** : That was a good night.

 **  
Billy** : That night changed everything.  
  
 **  
Camila** : That night changed everything.  
  
 **  
Graham** : Fuck.


	15. Chapter 15

**Daisy:** Sexuality is such a powerful thing. And I don’t know when we, as women, decided it was something we had to be ashamed of. Or we have to tuck away or pretend we don’t like. I mean if I call you on a Saturday morning and ask how your day is going, why shouldn’t you be able to say ‘man, Daisy, I had the best fucking orgasm this morning.’  
  
 **Julia:** Daisy...  
  
 **Daisy** : What? See? Tell me you don’t have a vibrator somewhere in your house that you feel like you have to hide. [she pauses] Alright, then. All I’m saying is, your dad and I learned a lot about each other once we were sober. And he helped me learn a lot about myself and who I was and what I wanted. I was tired of feeling like I was some receptacle for men. Emotionally and sexually. I had been trained that way since I lost my virginity. To just let men take what they wanted and not complain. When Billy and I made the decision to become intimate with each other, and it wasn’t an easy decision and it wasn’t something we did in the heat of the moment that we felt ashamed about, but we made a decision and we made it together. It was about love and it was about freedom and it was about knowing everything about another person and how they worked. It was something completely different.  
  
...  
  
You still ok?  
  
 **Julia:** Yeah.  
  
 **Billy:** Daisy and I woke up still naked and all tangled up and the sun was coming in through that little sliding window in the back side of the camper. I watched it for a bit and decided that I wanted her to see it too, so I shook her awake and dragged her outside. Both of us naked as the day we were born. I spread out this big serape blanket and we laid back next to each other and watched the sun come up. Definitely felt like an important sunrise.  
  
 **Daisy:** We laid outside that morning and watched the sun come up and...we both just started getting off. It was wild. It was so seventies. [she laughs] I was working on me and he was working on him but we just talked the whole time with the sun coming up over us. It was like when we wrote music. I’d tell him what I was doing and why I liked it and I could tell it fascinated him. Your dad was hot, kid, I know that’s hard to hear but I also know you’ve seen enough footage to know I’m not lying to you. But I think I was a little bit of a sexual awakening for him, too. And that was so exciting for me. I’d make him do the same thing. Tell me what he liked and where and why. Not that I was some expert but I wasn’t afraid to learn things and try things. I fingered him when he came that morning and I thought his eyes were going to come right out of his fucking skull....  
  
 **Julia:** OK, there is the line...we found it. Let’s take five, I need a glass of water.  
  
 **Daisy:** I need a smoke.  
  
 **Billy:** We were about ten hours from home. And I had to be home that night I had promised this pretty special girl a date. So we got an early start, got dressed, grabbed coffee at a diner, gassed up and hit the road. Daisy was sitting next to me, feet on the dash, singing along with some Linda Ronstadt and tracing the map with her finger. To this day when I close my eyes and think of Daisy, her sitting in the passenger seat of that rental truck is the way I see her.  
  
 **Daisy:** I joked with Billy that we could take the 10 up through Las Vegas and get married on the way to LA. We laughed for a minute and I watched it wash over him. I think he had let himself forget for just a little while how complicated we all were. He was already married. I was good at reminding him. Unfortunately.  
  
 **Billy:** The ride got a little quieter as we got closer to home.  
  
 **Daisy:** It felt good to be back in California. I had worried about it. I worried that my sobriety was going to be tied up to the Pennsylvania bungalow. I had escaped into it and it made it easy to get sober. I was afraid of how hard being sober might be. I had watched so many people fight and lose. I saw your dad battle every day. Every single day. It made him exhausting. So yeah, it scared me. But I felt strong. I started scribbling in a journal as we got closer...all the things I wanted to experience about LA now that I was sober. And all the things I could do when it felt like I couldn’t handle the pressure to stay that way. [she pauses and smiles]  
  
 **Julia/Narrator:** Daisy Jones pulls out a crumpled and worn piece of paper from her purse. On the top of it’s yellowing paper are two underlined columns: “things i want to do in l.a. clean” and “how to cope when i can’t stay that way.” At the top of the first list: Get to know Billy’s girls. And the top of the second, with a heart traced around it: Billy Dunne.  
  
 **Camila:** Billy called from a payphone somewhere in Southern California that afternoon and let me know that he was maybe two hours away. He asked me if he could come home. I asked him if he wanted to.  
  
 **Daisy:** When we got to LA, we had our first difficult decision of many. Billy asked me where I wanted him to take me. I knew I couldn’t give him any real answer, so I had to pick what was right and not what I wanted. I told him to take me to Chateau Marmont. I could tell he didn’t like that answer.

__________________________________________  
  
 _ **1979**_  
  
 _ **“There has to be somewhere else, Daisy, I don’t know that this is the place to learn how to be sober in LA.” Billy was putting the truck in park at the bottom of the palm tree lined road that led to Daisy’s cottage there. He wasn’t wrong. It had become the epicenter of the Los Angeles party scene.**_  
  
 _ **“There’s nowhere else, Billy. Look...I’ll get a place. I was thinking Venice Beach. Somewhere chill. But for now this is it. I’ll be alright.” Daisy was confident if even a little unsure of how much she wanted him to change her mind. Billy inhaled deeply and furrowed his brow.**_  
  
 _ **“I can stay.” He whispered like he knew he shouldn’t, but his eyes were almost pleading. And definitely afraid for her. She smiled casually and rolled her eyes.**_  
  
 _ **“No you can’t.” She reached into her purse and pulled out a brown paper bag which she handed to him.**_  
  
 _ **“What’s this?”**_  
  
 _ **“It’s Julia’s cookies. Tell her diner cookies fresh out of a purse are hard to come by.” Daisy laughed as she nervously tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. Billy turned the bag over in his hand, smiling, before handing it back to her.**_  
  
 _ **“Nah...you tell her when you see her. She wants cookies from you, not me.”**_  
  
 _ **Daisy put the bag back in her purse. She closed it gently and noticed her fingers were trembling. Billy noticed, too.**_  
  
 _ **“Hey...it’s alright....” he spoke softly as he closed the space between them, closing his fingers over hers until she grabbed his hand and held it tight. She tried to laugh instead of crying.**_  
  
 _ **“There’s a bunch of tea in your bag. Ok? And you call me. Any time. Don’t worry about how late it is. Don’t worry about...look, just call me. Promise me?” Billy pleaded with her and moved his face into her line of vision. She was fighting hard not to cry and he saw it, taking a tear from the corner of her eye with his thumb.**_  
  
 _ **“Ok.” Was all she could manage. He put her bag down and gently pulled her into his chest, holding her there for a long while. She lifted her face to his and their mouths almost touched. They ached to kiss each other and silently begged the other one would do it first since they no longer had a good grip on what they should and shouldn’t do. Her chest heaved and his jaw clenched and it was maddening. She finally pushed gently from his grip and picked up her bag, pushing tears off her cheeks as she turned from him immediately.**_  
  
 _ **“I’m fine, Dunne, just go....please.....” she was already walking up the path to her place.**_  
  
 _ **Billy watched her with a sick feeling in the pit of his gut that somehow he was doing wrong by just about everyone.**_

_________________________________________________  
  
 **Daisy:** That was the worst night. As far as trying to stay sober. And...well other things. That cottage had a pantry and there was literally no food. Just bottles and bottles and drawers and drawers of booze. I realized it had been my whole life. I stood in the kitchen and dropped that bag and cried. I didn’t think I could do it.  
  
 **Billy:** I drove off and I pounded that steering wheel so hard the fucking thing broke. Right off the steering column. I had to balance it to even get back to the house. I was so scared for her. Thinking about who to call. What to do. I forgot to be scared about what I was about to go up against. My own demons I guess.  
  
 **Julia** : Pause, did you just call us demons?  
  
 **Billy:** You know what I mean, honey.  
  
 **Daisy:** I lost it. A little bit. I opened the slider to the pool and I just started throwing all these bottles into it. I was screaming. I had put some records on and I was trying to let the music calm me down. Some of them missed the pool and shattered on the stone around it, but I was actually pretty impressed at how many made it in. When the kitchen was empty I sat down right in the middle of the floor. And I ate your cookies. I made some tea, and I grabbed a book, and I sat by the pool and read and drank tea and cried and watched those bottles just float. I slept out there.  
  
 **Julia:** Did you call my dad?  
  
 **Daisy:** Absolutely not. I didn’t want to think about pulling him away from you or...your mom. And I fucking got through it. That was a big win for me. A huge one.  
  
 **Camila:** I had been sitting on the white couch in the front bay window for a hour. I couldn’t wait to see him. I felt nervous and anxious and sad and a million different ways. He pulled into the driveway pulling that ridiculous little camper and I laughed at first until it dawned on me that he drove all the way from the east coast in that thing. With Daisy. I’m not stupid. I tried so hard to shake it off. When he stepped out of the truck, I’ll never forget it, he was barefoot. It seems like such a small and strange detail but it stuck me. I thought: ‘who in their right mind would drive barefoot??’  
  
 **Julia:** Daisy would.  
  
 **Camila:** Yep. Daisy would.

___________________________________________  
  
 _ **1979**_  
  
 _ **Camila rose slowly from the couch and tucked her hands into her flared jeans. She moved to the door and opened it, standing just outside it as Billy stepped from the truck and slammed the door. He rested his hands on the hood of it and stretched his back before he noticed she was there. They stared at each other a long while before Billy rounded the front of the truck and moved towards her. He stopped a few feet from the porch.**_  
  
 _ **“Hey, baby...” his voice cracked as he greeted her and Camilla Dunne threw herself at him. She cried into his shoulder and almost knocked him over as he held onto her tight. He turned and smelled her hair and whispered that he loved her and he was sorry and at some point Camila’s hands, which had been clawing at his back to hold him tighter, balled into tiny fists and pounded against him. He kissed the side of her face, whispering that he loved her.**_  
  
 _ **“Tell me you love me?” He said as she remained silent. She pulled herself from him gradually and used her big white sleeves to dry her face. So it was like she had never cried at all. She had this pained expression on her face that he couldn’t place.**_  
  
 _ **“I love you. I just don’t like you right now.”**_  
  
 _ **Julia Dunne flew through the door, already in pajamas, and jumped into his arms. If Camila almost knocked him over, Billy let Julia do it...falling back into the grass and tickling her as they rolled back and forth.**_  
  
 _ **“Where are your sisters??” He asked her, and through giggling she told him they were already asleep.**_  
  
 _ **Julia’s eyes fell on the camper and she looked at it the way Billy did. Like it was absolute gold.**_  
  
 ** _“Daddy!! Is this for me??” She lept from him and into the camper, the screen door clanging behind her._**  
  
 _ **“Julia!” Camila called after her. Billy was smiling as he watched her.**_  
  
 _ **“It’s ok. There’s nothing in there she can hurt,” Camila tried to smile back at him as he spoke to her but it was forced, “can I come in?”**_  
  
 _ **She opened the door and stood against it as he walked inside. He looked around and inhaled deeply. It felt good to be home. But it felt...different. Camila came in behind him closing only the screen so they could hear Julia who was laughing and playing imaginatively in the camper. Billy turned to her. Apologetically.**_  
  
 _ **“I don’t know what I’m supposed to say, cause I know sorry isn’t going to work this time.”**_  
  
 _ **“You're right. It’s not.” Camila was stern. She had had eight weeks to prepare for this moment. She had played it out in her mind over and over again. And now she just had to wonder which direction of the million she had imagined this would go.**_  
  
 _ **“Do you love her, Billy?”**_  
  
 _ **She already knew the answer. Billy swallowed hard.**_  
  
 _ **“Of course I do.”**_  
  
 _ **“Are you IN love with her, Billy?”**_  
  
 _ **Camila was maintaining superhuman levels of calm that Billy couldn’t match.**_  
  
 _ **“I...I don’t..I don’t know.”**_  
  
 _ **“Tell me the fucking truth.”**_  
  
 _ **“The fucking truth is I don’t know. I think...maybe...I think....”**_  
  
 _ **“Are you fucking her?”**_  
  
 _ **Billy paused. He could tell she already knew but he had to say it. She was going to make him say it.**_  
  
 _ **“Yes.”**_  
  
 _ **Camila clenched her fists in her pockets. She was not going to cry. She was not going to give him that.**_  
  
 _ **“Since when. When did it start.”**_  
  
 _ **“.....yesterday.”**_

_________________________________________________

  
 **Camila:** I came unglued. I really did. I wailed on him. I didn’t hit him so much as just pounded against him like I couldn’t understand him. I wanted the answer to be...oh, years ago. I think the fact that it had only just happened made me feel like I was so close to keeping my family together and I had missed him by one day. One fucking lousy day. I don’t know how I didn’t wake the twins or the neighbors but I screamed at him. I let him have it. And...because your dad is the way he is...he just let me.  
  
 **Graham:** I was upstairs when I heard the truck pull in so I figured I didn’t want to be anywhere near that dumpster fire. When I heard Camila going nuts I tried to assure myself she could handle it. I put some music on and sat in the rocking chair in the twins’ room, trying to keep them asleep.  
  
 **Billy:** I hate everything about that night. Every single fucking thing.  
  
 **Graham** : I heard some glass shatter so I turned the music up for Maria and Susana and I shut the door. I ran down the stairs and your mom I guess had thrown this vase at him. He cleared it and it shattered on the fireplace. Glass and water and flowers everywhere. He turned to look at me and...man I tell you what, the look on his face.  
  
 **Camila** : Billy asked me if I was fucking Graham and in that moment I wished the answer could have been yes because I could see how much that would have pissed him off. I told him he was projecting.  
  
 **Graham:** I told him he needed to calm down. I know him well enough to know telling Billy Dunne to calm down is basically telling him not to.  
  
 **Camila:** Billy lunged at Graham and they had a real good tussle right there on the floor. I remember thinking, ‘don’t get involved, Camila, just make sure they don’t kill each other.’  
  
 **Graham** : Billy came out on top. Billy always comes out on top. I told him to go ahead and hit me. That he was hurting everyone else he loved and I was feeling left out. [he pauses] He stood up. Helped me up. The son of a bitch helped me up.  
  
 **Camila:** I told him he needed to sleep in the camper. He looked at Graham. And I know he was thinking ‘where are you sleeping’ but he didn’t say anything to either of us. Just walked out to the driveway.  
  
 **Julia:** I...I...remember this night. So clearly. I remember it being the best date we ever had. Playing in the camper. Daisy had some jewelry in there and you let me put it on you. I told you you were my king...  
  
 **Billy:** ...and you were my princess....  
  
 **Julia** : ...and you showed me how you could make your feet touch the ceiling when you laid down. I remember falling asleep on you and you sang to me and I how much I had missed that....you remember what song?  
  
 **Billy:** ...I don’t...  
  
 **Julia** : Oooh, Child by The Five Stairsteps. I still listen to it when I can’t sleep. I remember the next morning asking you to drive us for breakfast. But you told me the steering wheel was broken. I didn’t realize the steering wheel wasn’t the only thing.


	16. Chapter 16

**Billy** : One thing I can say about Camila during that time of uncertainty, was that no matter how she felt about me, she always made sure it didn’t affect the three of you. After you and I had our perfect daddy daughter sleepover, and I told you I couldn’t drive us to breakfast, you grabbed my hand and said, “That’s ok, mommy will make us pancakes”, and you flited inside like you were a butterfly. I remember being nervous to walk into my own house after the night before, not knowing what kind of mood she would be in that morning, but when you opened up the screen door, she squatted down and opened her arms wide as she said, “there’s my perfect girl! Did you have fun with daddy?”, and I remember being in awe of her and the continuous strength and grace she showed me daily. And you know what? She did make us those pancakes. 

  
**Camila** : I was never going to let your image of your father be skewed if I had anything to say about it. Whatever I was dealing with…or not dealing with…you adored him. And he adored you. So there was no way I was going to let my pain transfer into my perfect, innocent daughters. 

  
**Billy** : When I walked into the kitchen and saw your mom making pancakes, I thought she looked so beautiful. Her hair was messy, and she was still in her pajamas, but she was glowing. I moved behind her as she whisked and rested my chin on her shoulder. I leaned in to kiss her cheek and I remember she giggled and said, “Hey…” before she turned to look at me. She instantly shrugged me off of her shoulder and her face dropped. It was in that moment that I knew she hadn’t expected me to be the one kissing her. 

  
**Camila** : I was caught up in a daydream. I wasn’t thinking about anyone in particular when I did that.

  
 **Julia** : Mom…

  
 **Camila** : Ok, maybe I was. 

  
**Billy** : I recoiled from her when she did that and sat at the kitchen table, grabbing a plain pancake and folding it up as she pointed to the coffee pot and told me to help myself. It was a horrible feeling. Feeling like you don’t even belong in your own home. I know it was my fault. I truly do… but Camila had always put up with my shit and stood by me no matter what, so it was a jolt to have that go away. I remember you came in and climbed onto my lap, grabbed my face said, “we should go wake up Susie and Ria!”, and I didn’t even know you had given them nicknames. I had missed so much. [pauses] I don’t regret Pittsburgh. I had to go. I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself if I hadn’t and Daisy had done…something… and I don’t regret the road trip and the beginnings of us…discovering our feelings. But in my mind, I was able to compartmentalize two different lives. I had my home life and my Daisy life, and I think I had lied to myself enough to believe that that would work and somehow be ok with everyone. Your mom was making it very clear that that was not the case. 

  
**Graham** : I was finishing up my shower and getting ready in the bathroom upstairs when I heard you running upstairs, giggling and pulling your dad behind you as you ran to your sisters’ room. You were so excited to show him everything that had changed and how much they had grown. I smiled to myself as I shaved, but I also felt something stirring inside of me that I couldn’t even place at the time. Looking back now, I was jealous. All I wanted was a family and kids and…Karen…and…and Billy had it all. Everything I didn’t, and he didn’t even care if he shot it all to hell. It made my blood boil. Camila deserved so much better. I shut the water off at the sink and just listened as I got dressed.

  
 **  
Billy** : You swung open the door and I remember the twins were standing up in their cribs on the opposite sides of the room, facing each other. When they saw you, they started squealing and jumping up and down, holding on to the top of the bars, as you ran in and spun around saying, “look Sissies, Daddy’s home!”. You ran right over to the toy box and put on some butterfly wings, and then you started running around the room saying, “Daddy watch me! I’m a fairy”. Your sisters were giggling and jumping as they watched you. They weren’t even paying attention to me. I remember moving to Susana and whispering, “Hi, precious girl…I’m home”, and I picked her up. As soon as I did, she started wailing. She was kicking and pushing against me and her face was turning red as she screamed, tears streaming down her face. Of course, that set Maria off and both girls were just screaming as loudly as possible. You froze, and I could see the tears welling up in your eyes too, not knowing what was wrong. I bounced Susana up and down, trying to calm her, and she just kept pushing against me. 

  
**Graham** : I heard the twins start screaming and fear shot through me. I figured something had to have happened, like Billy knocked one of their heads into the wall or something. I ran to their room and saw Susana pushing against your dad hard as he tried to calm her down. I moved to pick up Maria from her crib and as soon as I did, she calmed down and put her head on my chest, sucking her thumb as the remaining tears fell out of her eyes. When Susana saw that, she threw herself back, away from Billy, reaching out to me and calling for me. When she did, Billy’s face went white.

  
 **Billy** : [tears catch in his throat] She called him Daddy. My sweet little 2 year old daughter didn’t even recognize me, and she was calling my brother Daddy. I shattered right there, like the vase Camila had thrown at my head. I looked at Graham, thoughts racing through my mind, like why was he still here at 7am in the morning, freshly showered, holding my daughter like she was his own. He didn’t know what to say to me, but he took Susana from my arms and both twins were instantly calm. They were each resting on one of his shoulders, and I just turned around and walked out. I didn’t know how to react. But as I walked out, my heart stung as I heard you giggling and saying, “Nooo, that’s not Daddy! That’s Uncle Ram! We just pretend that he’s Daddy when Daddy has to go away and sing”.

  
 **  
Julia** : Dad…I’m so sorry.

  
  
 **Billy** : [tears filled his eyes as he waves Julia off] No Sweetheart, you do not have to apologize. You were five and…you didn’t do anything wrong. It was all me. 

  
**Camila** : All I remember was hearing a lot of screaming, and then Billy running down the stairs and towards the front door. I turned around and I remember…and gosh I still feel bad about this… I snarled and said, “what, is it fuck-Daisy-o’clock already? Have fun with your girlfriend. I’ll tell your daughters you’ll call them later”.

  
 **Julia** : Oh Mom…

  
 **Camila** : I know. Not one of my finest moments. 

  
**  
Billy** : I just looked at her and then I walked out. I wasn’t going to fight her. I needed to get out. If I had stayed there any longer, I would have ended up relapsing. I know that. But I’ll never forget walking out and walking down the stairs. I turned around, debating about walking back in and just telling both of them that I wasn’t going to take it anymore. That yeah, I had done some shitty things, but I was still family and I still deserved to be the girls’ dad. But then… I saw Graham walk down the stairs, both girls now asleep on each of his shoulders, and you were bounding down the stairs behind him as he walked into the kitchen. Camila saw the girls and kissed each one of them on their heads, then…she kissed Graham’s cheek. And that was it for me. I just started walking until I reached a payphone and called a cab.

  
 **Julia** : Where did you go?

  
  
 **Billy** : Where do you think?

  
 **Daisy** : I couldn’t believe my eyes when Billy walked through my sliding door and sat on the footrest of my lounge chair. His face was full of so much pain, and I remember sitting up and wrapping my arms around his neck…just gently kissing him all over his face, trying anything to take the pain away. 

  
**Billy** : Daisy’s kisses were magic. Every one of them erased a scar on my heart. 

  
**  
Daisy** : I pulled back and ran my thumb over his chin, just looking into his eyes and trying to read everything that had happened to him in the last twenty-four hours. All I knew was that it wasn’t good. I needed to shake him up and make him happy again so…

  
 **Billy** : She stood up and held her hand out to me. I took it and stood up to follow her, but then she got this playful look in her eyes and before I could realize what was happening, she’s pushed me in the pool, fully clothed, and then she jumps in right after me, her mascara instantly running down her face. 

  
  
**Daisy** : He was shocked, and I was laughing hysterically. His face was serious as he shook the water out of his hair and looked over at me. I was afraid he would be mad at me, so I swam over and wrapped my arms around his neck again, and then I kissed him. I didn’t hesitate, it wasn’t chaste…it was a real, passionate, I need you now, kiss. When he pulled back to catch his breath, he finally smiled and whispered, “You’re gonna be the death of me, Jones. You know that?”

  
 **Billy** : I told her that she was gonna kill me, and she just said, “Oh you know you love me…” as she stared at me with those big blue eyes of hers. Mascara was everywhere, but I had truly never seen her look more beautiful than that moment right there. I told her, “Yeah…yeah I do”, and then I kissed her again.

  
 **Julia** : Did that taste better than pancakes with us?

  
 **Billy** : [winces]

  
 **Julia** : Sorry.

  
 **Daisy** : We kissed for a long time in that pool. Mini bottles of booze were floating around us and we laughed at the irony of the two of us essentially swimming in alcohol. But for the first time ever, and I think he would tell you the same thing, I wasn’t tempted by it at all. I was with Billy. That’s all I needed.

  
 **Billy** : Our kisses were getting pretty hot and heavy and our clothes did not stay on for long. But we also didn’t think it would be a good idea to get chlorine all up in our crevices, so we got out as fast as we could and ran to her bedroom. I kid you not, as soon as we fell onto the bed, Daisy’s phone rang.

  
 **Rod** : I knew that Billy and Daisy would have made it back to LA by then, and I knew that half of the reason they were road tripping back instead of flying, was to work on new music. I had heard some of the things that Billy had been working on in the bungalow in Pennsylvania, and it was good. Really good. I had all this pressure from Runner to get the next Daisy Jones and the Six project out, and I could only hold them off for so long. I wasn’t even sure if the band still existed, but I knew that it was a conversation we all needed to have. Daisy was my first call because honestly, I thought she was going to be the only one who was free. Plus, she was the start of the chain. If I got Daisy, then I got Billy. Who then got Graham, who would get Karen, who could get Warren, who would get Pete who would wrangle Eddie. I hadn’t really heard much from any of them for those few months. I missed them and I just hoped to God that they missed the band and playing as much as I missed hearing it. I was cautiously optimistic.

  
 **Daisy** : Worst. Timing. Ever. 

  
  
**Billy** : When Daisy answered the phone and heard it was Rod, she didn’t even say anything else. She just handed me the phone. I laughed and rolled off the bed, grabbing the phone and turning my back to her. He was explaining how he thought it was time to get the band together for a band meeting and he thought Daisy and I should play them some of the things we had been working on; really get them excited, you know? Then he asked me to get Graham and have him call Karen. I told him Daisy could call Karen and that Karen could call Graham. That confused him.

  
 **  
Rod** : He was messing with my chain! This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. [laughs]

  
 **Daisy** : I didn’t care who I had to call…later. I just wanted Billy to get off of that fucking phone!

  
 **Billy** : As I was talking to Rod and hashing out the details, I heard Daisy moaning behind me. I turned to look at her and saw her, spread eagle, fully naked, staring at me as she rubbed herself, stopping to taste herself as she watched me. She had told me everything she loved when we were watching that sunrise together, and she was implementing all of it right in front of me. My mouth went dry.

  
 **Rod** : Billy started stumbling over his words and his mouth sounded super dry out of nowhere. Like, I asked him if he thought it would be a good idea for the band to do some small, local gigs during the last days of summer while they wrote and recorded the album. I’ll never forget it. He said, “Sounds great Ron, I’ll start working on the sex list right now.” [laughs loudly] Safe to say, he was distracted.

  
 **Billy** : I don’t even remember what Rod said on that call. But I sure as hell remember what Daisy looked like wet from sweat, the pool, and her own desire. And it was all for me. 

  
**Julia** : Annnd it’s time for a break.

  
 **Daisy** : Oh come on, Jules. Sex is nothing to be ashamed of, remember? And DAMN is your dad great at it.


	17. Chapter 17

**Daisy** : I was a distraction to Billy, to be sure. But when he got off the phone with Rod, he didn’t need the help. I was purring his name and writhing in the sheets but he was somewhere else completely. He just sat there, lost in thought. I remember he was still but I could see the muscle in his back flexing.

**Billy** : Daisy asked me what was wrong and I wanted to tell her nothing was wrong and just make love to her all afternoon and not think about it. I wanted that so bad. 

_____________________

_** 1979 ** _

** “ _Rod wants to get the band together to talk...listen through some of the new stuff.” Billy only half turned to Daisy as he spoke. She pulled the sheet around her waist and scooted against his back, draping her body over his._ **

** _“Is that what you want?” Daisy asked him knowingly._ **

** _“I don’t know. Is that what you want?” He turned the question to her._ **

** _“I could take it or leave it, Billy Dunne.”_ **

** _“First of all. You’re lying. You can’t leave it anymore than I can...” he turned his body into her and cupped the side of her face, “and second...Take It Or Leave It. That’s a song right there.”_ **

** _He smiled at her and she leaned in and kissed him._ **

** _“So how was your night?” Billy was turning back from the edge of the bed to pull her into his lap and off of his back. She smiled and lazily played at his wet hair._ **

** _“It was good. I was ok.” Daisy smiled. She was proud of the fact that she could tell him she made it. And she did it on her own._ **

** _“I’m proud of you, baby....” Billy kissed her gently and she took the sides of his face in her hands as she watched his dimples disappear and his smile turned to something darker._ **

** _“How was yours...” Daisy was a little afraid to ask. It was easier for her to cope with Billy by throwing him into a pool and making him laugh than to really have to work through something ugly. But they were going to have to learn how to do both. Billy pressed his forehead into hers and closed his eyes._ **

****

** _“What, baby....” Daisy was as gentle with him as she could be as she saw him wince at her words. She had to ask him a few more times before he managed an answer._ **

****

** _“The twins....my girls....they don’t remember me...”_ **

****

** _His voice broke. Her heart did._ **

****

** _“They are so young Billy. It’s been crazy...”_ **

****

** _“They think Graham is their dad. Hell, I couldn’t even rock them to sleep.....”_ **

****

** _“They...they just need to adjust. That’s how babies are. Graham’s been there to help....”_ **

****

** _Daisy was struggling to find the words cause she knew about as much about kids as Billy knew about Halston jumpsuits. But she held his hands and let him talk._ **

****

** _“Can I ask you a question?” Billy whispered without looking at her. She nodded._ **

****

** _“Do you think Graham is fucking Camila?”_ **

**_______________________ **

**Daisy _:_** Your dad was heartbroken. And when I held him and listened to him talk about you girls I knew no one was ever gonna break his heart the way you could. Not your mom. Not me. Not anyone. And when he asked me about Graham, I gotta say, I did not see it coming.

****

**Billy _:_** When I left the house that night all I could feel was your sister in my arms pushing me away and hating me and...rejecting me. [Billy pauses]

****

**Julia:** Do you want to stop?

****

** _(Author’s Note: Billy Dunne had left the room at this point, and did not return to it for almost a half hour. While readers of this transcript could guess that some of the couples’ intimate acts or graphic description of drug use might have been the hardest to be subjected to, the conversations surrounding Susana and Maria Dunne’s infancy were the hardest to stomach. To this point.)_ **

****

**Daisy** : When Billy asked me about Graham and Camila being a thing it stopped me in my tracks. I mean, how could it not?? I wondered what evidence he had and he filled me in a little. The whole time in the back of my mind I’m thinking: what a complete mindfuck to have your little brother sleep with your wife. And I’m also thinking, please Graham Dunne if you’ve ever done anything for me, please be sleeping with Billy’s wife.

****

**Camila** **:** When Graham came in to me with the twins, and you fluttering around me, and the house smelling like syrup and this music playing in the other room... Graham being there with us in those times was the first normal thing I had felt in awhile. And I knew we were cathartic for him. When I watched him with you girls I felt this tinge, this pain for him. I knew he wanted a family. And I knew he was mourning the loss of his own. I was glad to help him through that. When he told me that morning about what had happened with your dad and why he left, I felt sick. Your dad was going through some real shit and I no longer felt sorry for about ninety percent of it. But that [Camila stops and wipes her eyes]...that I still feel badly about. I thought, “did I do this? Did I intentionally put space between you girls and your dad? Did I want them to chose me? Did I want them to chose Graham?”

****

**Julia:** You had always protected Dad.

****

**Camila:** It felt that way to you. He knew how to get through to you. I don’t think he ever learned that with your sisters and I...I never helped. I was too angry with him. Your dad was so hard. It was...so hard. Uncle Graham was easy.

****

**Julia:** Were you using Graham?

****

**Camila:** We were ALL using each other. And I hope for your sake if you’re asking me that question, you’ve asked your dad, too, little girl ** _._**

****

**Billy:** This was gonna tear me apart. It was gonna tear my family apart. It was gonna break wide open and kill all of us eventually, there was no doubt about it. I needed to figure out how to fix it and how to protect all these people I loved. All of my girls. That just...well, my girls... that included Daisy now. I had to fix it the best way I knew how.

****

**Julia:** You wrote.

****

**Billy:** I wrote.

****

**Daisy** : Billy got out of bed and went to the piano and he sat there for hours. He was still in the wet clothes I had thrown him into the pool in. He played and wrote and worked and tweaked. Any other time I’d sit beside him or lean over the top and offer suggestions: a better rhyme, a more interesting chord. But this time I knew it had to be just him. He was working things out. Putting you on paper. That afternoon I remember laying in this big green chaise we had there and I just watched him working. There were a million things your dad did that turned me on. But watching him work and write had always been the top of the list for me. The way he’d hold a pencil in his mouth, or frown and close his eyes til something popped into place, the way I knew he liked something because he’d manage this squinting smile...it just fired me up.

****

**Julia:** Did anything not turn you on?

**Daisy _:_** [laughing] It was the seventies, sweet girl, if we couldn’t have the drugs we were gonna double down on the sex and rock-n-roll. But honestly. And I want you to remember this. Because it’s important. Turning someone’s body on is fleeting. Turning someone’s heart on is easy. But if you find someone who turns your mind on? Do not let that shit go.

****

**Billy** : Music was just pouring out of us at that point. We were ready to get back into the studio. Put something out there. It still felt surreal to do it without Teddy and I had a hard time imagining what that would look like. But Daisy, man, when Daisy got clean she had this incredible ear. She could hear things the way he had heard them. And it was a challenge for her. And she thrived in it. Really on that second album, she produced as much as she wrote.

****

**Daisy** : I struggled to write sober. I did. I hated it. The drugs helped me channel that pain into words. I was afraid to sing about my suffering if I couldn’t drink it away right after. I didn’t tell Billy because I was afraid he would say we should just stop the whole thing. And I didn’t want to do that. I couldn’t do that. [Daisy pauses] Your mom had you girls. You beautiful girls. That was how I felt about those songs. They were...they were like our babies. We made them together. We raised them together. They were beautiful. They were ours. I couldn’t give that up.

****

**Rod** : I decided to get them together at the place in Laurel Canyon. Cliche. I know. But I had to remind them why we did this in the first place. Look, they were the best band anyone had ever seen. If I could keep that together somehow, I had to do it. People ask me if I did it for me. Let me assure you it would have been much, much easier to walk away. No, not walk. Run.

****

**Daisy:** I wore the same dress I’d worn in Chicago. I was excited to see everyone.

**Billy** : I was anxious. There was a lot that had gone unsaid. And I was rolling up to the house with Daisy. That was new. But I had a pocket full of stuff I knew was gonna get them excited.

****

**Graham:** I pulled over and threw up twice on the way there. I didn’t want to go. I didn’t want to see Billy.

****

**Karen** : Getting the band back together was not an option. Not unless you replaced Graham. And Billy wouldn’t have that so he would be out. And I knew the Loving boys were not going to be on board. Warren has always been a question mark. So unless that band was “Daisy Jones and The One Girl On Keys”...I was mostly going to say goodbye to everyone...and...make sure Graham was doing alright.

**Pete** : I was already moving on but I figured it couldn’t hurt. And we owed Rod.

****

**Eddie** : Fuck. No. I made Pete buy me a six pack of beer on the way and dinner the night after just for my fucking trouble. I wasn’t gonna deal with that prick for another album, are you kidding me? So he could just decide in the end that he knew how to do it better? No fucking thanks. Rod and I were square. I didn’t owe anyone a damn thing. But when Daisy showed up with her tits on full display, at least it wasn’t a total loss.

****

**Warren:** I was the drummer for The fucking Six. Hard to play with anyone else after that. Whatever they were selling, I was fucking buying. 

****

**Rod:** There was a good five minutes there where I thought I had made a bad choice. And then there was a good ten minutes where I KNEW I had made a bad choice.

****

**Daisy** : We all just stood around for awhile. Eddie offered me a beer and I told him I was clean. I also told him to keep his eyes off my chest.

****

**Eddie:** Look, you don’t wear a dress like that if you don’t want someone looking at it. Billy Dunne isn’t the only one with eyes. He stared at her chest all the time. Are we gonna get mad at him, too? For fuck’s sake.

**Karen:** Her nipples were perpetually hard. How is that even possible?

****

**Rod:** The tension in that room, if you could bottle it up and sell it. I’ll tell you what. Warren was drumming a beat on the coffee table but other than that it was silent and I wanted to rip his fingers right out of his sockets to make it stop.

**____________________ **

** _1979_ **

****

** _“Alright, listen,” Billy Dunne stood from the arm of the sofa he had been sitting on. Daisy Jones and The Six we’re spread around the room like an album cover: Daisy laid back on the couch, Karen was sitting on the floor in front of it with her head against it, Eddie was standing in the window with a beer, Pete was leaning against the fireplace, Warren was straddling the coffee table, and Rod was pacing the room nervously._ **

****

** _He had laid out the idea of the album, that Runner was pressuring them for new music and if they could get it out soon they could really be looking at a gold record and a tour...._ **

****

** _“I’ll record for you but I’m not touring.” Karen was the first one to draw a line in the sand. It caught Graham’s attention and it was Daisy Jones who noticed how it pained him._ **

****

** _“Yeah, I’m not touring.” Graham echoed, annoyed he hadn’t said it first._ **

****

** _Rod looked at Pete and Eddie who seemed to be having a silent conversation about it._ **

****

** _“I’m in. Whatcha got?” Warren was almost giddy as he continued nervously rapping his fingers. It almost concealed the knock at the door, but Graham jumped up for it. He ran like he was afraid someone would get there first and there was a hushed conversation they all struggled to hear._ **

****

** _“Camila??” Karen stood from the floor and moved to the door. Everyone else waited in place until finally Karen dragged an unwilling Camilla sheepishly into the room with Graham behind her._ **

****

** _“Please tell me this band is getting another hot chick.” Warren joked, breaking at least a little of the tension._ **

****

** _“You fucking wish, Rhodes. She’s just gonna listen.” Karen sat back down on the ground and Billy and Camila met eyes nervously._ **

****

** _“What are you doing here?” Billy questioned her nervously. She unsettled him. Camila tucked her hair behind her ears._ **

****

** _“I dropped Graham off. And I forgot to get some cash to put gas in the car. I don’t have to stay.”_ **

****

** _“No...no it’s ok.” Billy answered quietly._ **

****

** _He crossed to the piano and pulled a paper from his back pocket.He unfolded it and sat in on the piano as he settled in. He was staring at it as he rested his fingers on the piano like he was debating where to begin. And then he started to play._ **

**______________________ **

**Daisy:** I recognized it right away. It was what he had been working on that morning in the cottage. The melody was beautiful. I could picture him there, still, slaving away on it, soaking wet. It surprised me that he felt like it was already finished. Finished enough to show the band. Over all the things we wrote on the road. And as he started singing, I realized he wasn’t showing the band. He was showing Camila.

****

**Graham:** I think he looked at me as he started. Like to make sure I was listening. Really listening. 

****

**Camila** : I didn’t want to be anywhere near the house in canyon that day. I drove Graham so that he would have to stay. I was going to just drive around for two hours and go back for him. I didn’t want him to bail it was too important. If he had a car he would have left. Once Billy started singing I know he for sure would have left. 

****

**Daisy _:_**

_“They won’t be her, they won’t be him_

_You’ll always end where I begin_

_With every day and each passing night_

_We’ll always know we did three things right”_

****

[Daisy pauses] When your dad was with your mom, he wrote about me. And when your dad was with me...he wrote about...your mom.

**Julia:** She and Him. That’s the day he wrote it. 

****

**Daisy:** Your sister broke his heart and he turned it into a gold record. That’s just what he did. That’s how he coped. Parts of those lyrics hurt. But I knew that your mom and dad were always going to have that bond. They were your parents. I wanted them to.

****

**Graham** : “They won’t be her and they won’t be him.” Fuck you. I walked out. Whether he was ready to admit it to himself or not, I was already a part of his kids. It pissed me off that your mom didn’t follow me. 

****

**_Camila:_ **

_“The arms I’ll need around my neck_

_The thing that I’ll never regret_

_The smile that says it’ll be just fine_

_Will always be just yours and mine”_

[Camila pauses and smiles] That song wasn’t about me....

****

**Julia** : It was about me.

****

**Daisy:** When Graham left I wanted to, too. To see what he had to say, to leave the room where the man I loved was serenading his wife. But I had to see it out. I had to hear it all. And I was glad I did. I cried. Karen completely lost it. I remember taking her hand as we listened. But I also knew when Graham left that Billy wasn’t completely off base about him and your mom. 

****

**Karen:** I know She and Him are not me and Graham, but damnit if it didn’t feel like it that day. It reminded me...I couldn’t do this.

****

**Eddie:** If he thought I was gonna play guitar on a piece of shit, sappy-ass love song about his kids, he had another thing coming. That song was not The Six. It was...Disneyworld.

**_____________________ **

** _1979_ **

****

** _Billy finished the song and the room was silent. Graham had already left. Karen followed shortly after and never came back. Rod asked Pete, Eddie, and Warren to take a walk.  
_ **

** _Daisy Jones was not leaving the room._ **

****

**_Camila Dunne walked to the piano and sat next to Billy, who hadn’t turned from the piano or even taken his fingers from it.She placed a hand over his._ **

****

**_“I’m sorry about this morning. I didn’t know. You have to give the twins time, they aren’t Julia. They will grow to worship you, too.” She whispered. Billy turned his hand over and held hers._ **

****

** _“I don’t need them to worship me. I don’t need anyone to worship me. I just want them to know me.” He raised his eyes and took her in, her eyes swollen and tired._ **

****

** _“What do we do now?” He continued, and Daisy slowly made her way off the couch and outside to give them space. Camila fought off a cry._ **

****

** _“We figure out how to raise our little girls. Just like we’ve always done. We figure out how to put them first.”_ **

****

** _Billy raised his free hand and placed it on the side of her face._ **

****

** _“They didn’t always come first, Camila.” She nodded a silent yes in his hand as she let herself cry in front of him._ **

****

**_“I need you to know something. Ok?” She spoke through her tears and he waited for what was coming next. She inhaled deeply and pinched her eyes shut, forcing more tears from their corners._ **

****

**_“I slept with Greg,” she was silent for awhile and crying over her admission while Billy didn’t speak or take his hand from her face, “I slept with him and I need you to know because I can’t sit here and hate you for sleeping with someone you love when I slept with someone like that. It’s been killing me, Billy, and I need you to know I’m sorry. I don’t want you to think I feel like I’m above it somehow. I’m not.”_ **

**_She sobbed into his hand and eventually his shoulder as he let her cry for a long while. He took in her words, and pondered the meaning of how little they were bothering him._ **

****

**_“I guess I was waiting for you to tell me you were sleeping with Graham...”_ **

****

**_She lifted her eyes to him and wiped them slowly._ **

_** “You need to record that song. With or without this band.” Camila stood and moved to leave before she turned back to her husband at the piano. ** _

_** “Come by for dinner. If you get out of here in time. Bring Daisy.” ** _

__________________

**Daisy** : They had things they needed to say without me there. Those things could hurt me but I trusted him. And I trusted her.

**Camila** : I knew we were saying goodbye to each other. It hurt me more than I can explain to you. But it helped me so much to not be angry at him. I needed him to know I wasn’t perfect. I think that was part of where we cracked. I made him feel like I was perfect and he had to fix his broken pieces to fit into my perfect world. I wonder if he had known earlier that I wasn’t what he thought I was. [she pauses] That’s funny isn’t it? To think that hiding an affair and not just airing it out...would be the thing that costs you your marriage. But when we left that day, left the house in the canyon, I had a kind of peace about it.

**Billy** : I had poured my heart out into this song and no one said anything. I thought, ok it couldn’t have been that bad. 

**Daisy** : I was sitting outside when Camila left. I was glad she didn’t see me. She practically ran to the car crying and flinging her purse over her shoulder. Graham was already in the car. I saw him lean over and hug her. But I didn’t want to wait around to watch them. I went back into the house and your dad was still at that damn piano bench. I stood behind him. 

**Billy** : She told me she wanted to play around with some harmonies and that maybe I should invert a few chord progressions to make the melody more complicated. I told her I didn’t want it to be complicated. [he smiles] I got it. We changed the melody.

**Daisy** : I told him it was the most beautiful thing I’d heard him sing and I meant it. I still love that song. And I see him soaking wet at that piano every time I hear it. 

**Julia** : ...and I see him with his feet on the ceiling of that camper, laughing that funny laugh he has when he’s really laughing, making me feel like nothing else in the world mattered.


	18. Chapter 18

**Daisy** : The polished version of She and Him sounded amazing. Billy and I sat there for hours just making sure it was perfect. I was getting hungry, so I asked him if he wanted me to run and get us something to eat, and I remember, he looked at his watch and said, “Actually… would you like to come to dinner with me at my…Camila’s…house?”. His face was nervous, and he bit his lip as he waited for my response. I was hesitant. I had just witnessed a very intimate moment between your mom and dad, and I didn’t want to ruin that. He could read all of my thoughts though and he quickly wrapped his arms around my waist, making me feel more secure than ever.

  
 **Billy** : I knew she thought that she was going to ruin all of the progress Camila and I had just made. But she didn’t realize how much she was actually fixing inside of me with her support. Her understanding of the relationship Camila and I needed to start building if we all wanted to move forward as a new unit, was impeccable. I one thousand percent credit her sobriety for that because before, her insecurities would have made her storm out and run to the beach to write another dark and depressing song about me [laughs]. But she was a part of us now…family. So, I kissed her and said, “Camila invited you first. We would both really like it if you came. And I know a very special little girl who is still waiting for her cookies”. 

  
**Daisy:** I couldn’t say yes fast enough. And I made sure to get all of the cookies I could carry before we went!

__________

**1979**

  
**_“Daisy Jones!” Julia ran over to Daisy as soon as Billy opened the door to the house._ **

**_She was still wearing some of Daisy’s jewelry that she had found in the camper and they all laughed when they realized that she had gotten into her mom’s lipstick too, smearing it all over her face and cheeks._ **

**_“Hi sweet girl!” Daisy opened her arms as Julia jumped into them._ **

**_Julia lifted her arm that was struggling to keep one of Daisy’s bracelets that was way too big for her little arm on, and smiled wide._ **

**_“Look Daisy! I look like you!”_ **

**_Daisy turned to Billy and Billy winked at her._ **

**_“Actually you know what?” Daisy whispered to Julia, too quiet for anyone else to hear. “You look even more beautiful than me, Julia Dunne.”_ **

**_Julia threw her arms around her neck and squeezed her tight, melting Daisy’s heart into a puddle right there in the entryway._ **

**_“Daisy! I’m glad you could join us. Julia has been asking for you all day.” Camila walked over to Billy and they kissed each other on their cheeks, just like the French do, but there was a tender understanding between them._ **

**_“I wouldn’t have missed it. Thank you for inviting me. Something smells amazing, by the way!”_ **

**_Graham walked out of the kitchen, Susana on his hip. He caught Billy’s eye and Billy gave him a slight nod, but they said nothing to each other._ **

**_“Well then…shall we get started?” Camila clapped her hands together and gently told Julia to go wash her hands before they ate._ **

**_The seating arrangements were interesting. Starting from the top and wrapping around, it was Camila at the head, Graham to her right, then Susana, Billy, Julia, Daisy, then Maria to Camila’s left._ **

**_Camila had made some chicken fajitas and homemade tortillas, and Daisy was the first to grab one before Julia started giggling and said, “Daisy! We have to say grace first!”. Daisy’s face turned red as she dropped her tortilla and turned to Billy, mouthing, ‘you’re religious’? To which he shook his head and mouthed back, ‘Grandparents. Teaching her manners’._ **

**_Camila noticed Daisy’s embarrassment and said, “Now Miss Julia, if you want to say grace so badly, then why don’t you pray for our food today.” She gave her daughter a sweet smile as Julia folded her little hands and stared at Daisy, waiting for her to follow suit._ **

**_“Oh! Sorry.” Daisy folded her hands like Julia’s and Billy smiled._ **

**_“God is great, God is good, let us thank Him for this food.” Julia prayed in a sing song voice, but after she said ‘food’, she blew a raspberry with her mouth and the table erupted in laughter._ **

**_“Julia!” Camila was horrified._ **

**_“Amen!” Graham lifted his glass in the air and Billy reached under the table with his foot, rubbing Daisy’s leg reassuringly and saying, “Perfect prayer, Jules! Let’s eat.”_ **

______

 **Julia** : That dinner is honestly one of my most favorite memories. Having all of my favorite people in one place, and everyone being so happy… it still stands out to me.

  
 **Graham** : I'm glad, sweetheart. Because that dinner was a hard one for me. 

  
**Daisy** : Graham didn’t say anything all night unless he was talking to one of you girls or Camila. He was definitely still freezing Billy out, and I knew that he hated that I was there. He blamed me for being the Dunne family ruiner, and I know he was protective of you girls and your mom. He had seen everything that Billy had put her through over the years. Things I didn’t even know about back then. But knowing what I know now, there was a lot more to Graham Dunne than anger. He was…IS…an extremely loyal man, and for a long time, I don’t think anyone was ever very loyal back. If I would have known about everything with Karen…that would have helped me see him a lot differently, I’m sure.

  
 **Julia** : How did you see him?

  
 **  
Daisy** : [sighs] I saw him as the pesky little brother who was confused about what he wanted. I thought he wanted Karen and I didn’t understand why he wasn’t just taking her. I knew she had…or had had feelings for him in the past, and I didn’t know why he was seemingly trying to steal Billy’s life when he could create his own. I thought he was confused. I didn’t know how hurt he really was or what was actually going on…

  
 **Billy** : That dinner was great, the food was amazing, and your mom and Daisy were both…happy. Carefree. They were even talking to each other a little bit. Not much, but it didn’t feel forced when they did. But Graham didn’t say one word to me the whole time. He didn’t even look at me. I didn’t know if he was mad at me or if he was ashamed to tell me what had become obvious…that he had feelings for Camila. I mean, he did things unconsciously that made even Daisy stop and notice. Like, Camila had a drop of sauce on the corner of her mouth, and without thinking, Graham wiped it off with his thumb and then sucked the sauce off of his thumb. Or when she was trying to feed Maria and she had this strand of hair that kept falling over her eye, he gently tucked it behind her ear. At first, I thought he was being a dick and trying to get a rise out of me, but I genuinely don’t think he realized what he was doing. 

  
**  
Graham** : I was helping. She needed my help and her hands were full so…I just helped. 

  
**Daisy** : If I had questioned where Graham stood before, I didn’t after that dinner. I turned to Billy and mouthed, ‘talk to him’, and Billy just shook his head. I gave him my serious eyes, trying to tell him that I meant it, but he just laughed.

  
 **Billy** : Have you seen Daisy’s serious face? She looks like Joey from F.R.I.E.N.D.S. when his head gets caught in the door and he’s trying to tell Monica he’s sorry for being late for Thanksgiving dinner. His eyes get all wide and practically pop out of his head. That’s what Daisy’s serious face looks like. I couldn’t help but laugh. But she was right, I did need to talk to Graham, even if I didn’t want to…

________

**1979**

**_“That food was amazing, Camila. I am stuffed!” Daisy was wiping her mouth with her napkin and Camila smiled softly._ **

**_“I’m so glad you enjoyed it. I can wrap some up for you if you would like…”_ **

**_“Really? That would be amazing, thank you! Can I help you clean up?” She stood up and started gathering plates as she felt Julia tugging on her dress._ **

**_“Miss Daisy Jones…did you bring me cookies?”_ **

**_  
“Julia! That’s not very polite. Miss Daisy does not have to bring you cookies. We have popsicles in the freezer.” Camila was giving her a gentle but stern look._ **

**_Daisy laughed._ **

**_“Did I bring any cookies? Well…I don’t know… I might be able to find something…if you and your dad can help me get them out of the car?” She wiggled her eyebrows at Julia as the little girl started jumping up and down, grabbing Billy’s hand and pulling him towards the door. “Let’s gooooo, daddy!”_ **

**_Billy and Camila laughed as Graham started washing dishes._ **

**_“Ok, lovebug, let’s go.”_ **

**_They walked out to the car and Daisy opened up the trunk revealing a smorgasbord of all different kinds of cookies._ **

**_Julia’s eyes got wide as she screamed in excitement. Billy picked some up and Julia held her arms out, carrying a stack inside slowly and carefully._ **

**_Billy and Daisy hung back for a minute just watching her. Billy put an arm around Daisy’s waist and kissed the side of her head.  
  
“Thank you. For this. For making her so happy…for…loving my girls. All of them.” And she knew he meant Camila as well._ **

**_Daisy turned to him and put a hand on his cheek._ **

**_“I told you, I love you Billy Dunne. And I’m not going anywhere. I’m here for the long haul and I want to navigate all of this WITH you. I love Julia. And I know I’ll love the twins too when I get to know them more. But Camila is their mom…so that means I love her too. I know you love them. And I know you love her. But I trust that you love me too, so I know we’re gonna be ok.”_ **

**_“Daisy Jones… I’m falling more and more in love with you every day. You amaze me.” He leaned in and kissed her as they heard Graham clear his throat behind them. The both turned sharply._ **

**_“Julia sent me out here on cookie gathering duty…” He was rubbing the back of his neck, and he was looking everywhere but at them._ **

**_“Thanks. We could use the help.” Daisy grabbed a stack of her own and looked at Billy as she passed him, mouthing, ‘talk to him now’._ **

**_Graham grabbed his own stack of cookies and turned to walk into the house._ **

**_“Hey…uh, Graham? When you drop those off, can we go somewhere to talk?”_ **

**_Graham turned to him, just looking at him as he debated what he wanted to do. He nodded and said, “Meet me in the backyard in five minutes.”_ **

**_Billy grabbed the last stack of cookies and walked into the house._ **

**_When Camila saw him, her mouth dropped._ **

**_“Billy Dunne, please tell me that is the last of the cookies?” Billy laughed as he nodded._ **

**_Camila turned to Daisy and said, “Wow, when a little girl asks you for cookies, you really deliver! She has enough cookies here to last her until she goes off to college. Julia, what do you say to Miss Daisy?”_ **

**_“Thanjsufk Yhhdou Dasuhidsy Joinwes” Julia yelled, three cookies shoved into her little mouth, crumbs falling everywhere._ **

**_They all laughed._ **

**_Billy saw Graham in the backyard through the kitchen window and his face got somber. He turned to Camila and whispered in her ear, “hey, I need to talk to Graham about some stuff, ok? Could you please make sure Julia doesn’t come out there for now?”_ **

**_Camila’s face got serious as she nodded, her heart starting to race.  
  
\-------  
_ **

**_“Hey.” Billy sat down next to Graham, and Graham said nothing, but handed him a soda. They cracked them at the same time, the click of the can the only sound between them.  
  
Graham was the first one to break the silence._ **

**_“So…Daisy. Is this like…an actual thing now?”_ **

**_Billy took a long swig and then said, “We’re still figuring it out. All of us. But…yeah…this is more than just sex. That’s for sure.”_ **

**_Graham sighed and began bouncing his leg._ **

**_“But you have crossed that line too, right? I’m not just imagining it?”_ **

**_Billy nodded._ **

**_Graham shook his head._ **

**_“Damnit, Billy. You’re a damn fool. Does Camila even know?”_ **

**_Billy gave him a curious look._ **

**_“She didn’t tell you about everything?”_ **

**_Graham snorted._ **

**_“Contrary to what I know you think, Camila doesn’t tell me much. She still respects you enough to keep your private life private…even from me.” He took another drink and looked away from Billy._ **

  
**_More silence._ **

  
**_“So…how is Karen?” Billy’s voice was light, and he was just trying to ease into a new topic, but that set Graham off._ **

**_“How is Karen? Who the fuck are you to ask about her? Isn’t one girl at a time enough, Billy? Damn.”_ **

**_  
Billy bristled as Graham stood up and kicked the chair behind him, pacing around the yard as Billy just watched him.  
  
When he looked at his little brother, all he saw was the five year old boy who looked up to him for everything, and how he had needed him for so long and how he hadn’t been there to help him when he did. _ **

**_Billy sat up, resting his arms on his knees as he looked down at the grass._ **

**_“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it that way. I just…I just knew you cared about her and wondered how she was doing. That’s all.”_ **

**_Graham snorted and ran his fingers through his hair, before putting his hands on his hips and sighing loudly._ **

**_“Now you want to know how she’s doing. Well. She’s just peachy, man. She dumped me. Oh, but not before getting rid of my kid. Yeah, I lost my girl and my kid in one day. So that’s how she’s doing. Just fine.” His voice cracked on the end of his sentence and he sat back down next to Billy and slumped down, his hand covering his eyes._ **

**_Billy paused, trying to figure out the right words to say. When he realized they didn’t exist, he just whispered, “Karen was pregnant?”_ **

**_“Yep. Sure was. And now she’s not.”_ **

**_Billy sighed._ **

**_“Did she…miscarry?”_ **

**_Graham moved his hands off of his eyes and sat up._ **

**_“No she didn’t fucking miscarry. She chose this. It didn't even matter what I wanted."_ **

**_Billy exhaled deeply._ **

**_“Man…I’m sorry. I…I didn’t know.”_ **

**_“Of course you didn’t know! It had nothing to do with Daisy Jones so of course you wouldn’t be paying attention.” Graham slumped back down as Billy winced._ **

**_“Ok…I deserve that.”_ **

**_More silence._ **

**_“I’m sorry. I mean...I’m sure that doesn’t mean shit to you anymore, but I am. I’m sorry for Chicago. I’m sorry for Pittsburgh. I’m sorry for not paying attention. I’m sorry for…not being there when you needed me. I’m just…sorry about it all.” Billy shuffled his feet as he put his hands in his pockets, still sitting and looking at the grass._ **

**_He wasn’t looking at Graham, but he heard a soft sob escape him, before he sniffed and sat up straight, clearing his throat._ **

**_“Yeah, well. You were a little busy and so was I…taking care of your girls.” His words were dripping with pain and venom._ **

**_  
Billy looked at him, seeing more pain than rage._ **

**_"_ ** **_Thank you for that. Truly. I…I don’t know…” Billy struggled to find the words._ **

**_“I’m glad they had you. HAVE you. They love you, man. All of them.” He gave Graham a knowing look and Graham’s face softened._ **

**_  
“Billy…I…”_ **

**_  
“It’s ok. I know. And honestly…it makes sense. It doesn’t mean it’s not weird. Hell yeah it’s weird. And it’s probably going to still sting for a while. But…she deserves the best and there’s no one better in this world than Graham Dunne.”_ **

**_Billy felt the tears threatening his eyes and he blinked them back as he looked away._ **

**_“Just…just take care of them, ok? I’ve put them through so much shit already… don’t be like me.” Billy turned to him and saw tears silently falling down Graham’s face as he nodded._ **

**_  
“I will... and Billy… you’re always going to be their dad, ok? The twins are little. They…they learn and forget things quickly. Don’t take it personally. You’re their father and I’m not going to do anything to take that away from you. And Camila will always love you too. I know that. I couldn’t be you for her if I tried. You’re my hero, and theirs too.”_ **

**_Billy nodded sadly as he patted Graham’s knee and stood up._ **

**_Graham stood up behind him, and before Billy could process everything, Graham was hugging him…tight, and they were five and seven again. Brothers and best friends for life._ **

  
**_They both walked back in the house to Daisy and Camila in the living room with Julia and the twins, playing princess dress up party. Daisy had glitter all over her hair and Camila was rocking some mean green eye shadow. They were laughing and spinning in circles as the twins laughed hysterically. Maria was on Daisy’s hip, and Susana was on Camila’s._ **

**_The brothers looked at each other and shared a loving smile._ **

_**This was all going to be ok. They were going to make sure of it.** _

______

 **Camila** : When Billy and Graham walked back into the living room, they looked like they had just lifted two hundred pounds off of their shoulders. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to thank Daisy Jones enough for saving both of my guys that day.

  
 **Daisy** : That was the first time I actually felt like…maybe all of us could be one big happy mishmash of a family. Your dad walked right over and he started dancing with me and I remember…Maria reached out for him and Camila started instantly crying at the sight. He needed that. He kissed me on the forehead, and we looked over at Graham as he kissed Camila’s cheek. She shot us a worried look, but Billy nodded to her gently, and in that moment, I saw freedom all over her. All of the shit she had dealt with and lived through throughout the many years she and Billy were together, melted away. She was free and she was happy. She leaned into Graham’s kiss and Graham smiled. I couldn’t help it. I started crying happy tears. I was genuinely happy for them, and it was the first time that it had nothing to do with me or Billy. They were two wonderful people, who had both been burned by love, and who, under the most unusual circumstances, found each other in a whole new way. It was beautiful.

  
 **Julia** : I remember that day. I didn’t know what was happening, but I remember feeling like everyone was finally happy. Even the twins were happy!

  
 **  
Billy** : Maria loved Daisy instantly. She knew even at two years old, what everyone who knew Daisy learned pretty quickly. Daisy Jones was a force of light, that pulled you to her, and you wanted nothing more than to just soak in it. As I watched her with you girls, and saw how happy and free your mom seemed in that moment… I thought that maybe all of the pain was worth it. We had made it out to the other side, and we were going to be ok... I spoke too soon.

  
 **Daisy** : Camila asked if we were going to stay in the camper, and Billy looked at me questioningly. I wanted to, but I whispered in his ear that I wanted some alone time with him first because I didn’t want to be with him, loving every inch of him somewhere Julia could walk in or your mom could hear us.

  
 **Julia** : Thanks for that, by the way.

  
 **Daisy** : [laughs] Besides, when we stayed in the camper, that became your palace. When we were there, you were there. We played so much make believe in there…and I loved every minute. But I still ached for your dad, so we went back to Chateau Marmont first.

  
 **Billy** : She looked so gorgeous with that glitter in her hair. I couldn’t wait to get back to you girls, but I couldn’t wait to get alone with Daisy first. And your mom…what an amazing woman she is…she smiled at us and actually told us to be safe and have fun. Like, WHAT? I will always be in awe of Camila Dunne. 

  
**Daisy** : I winked at her and told her, “you too”, and I swear, Graham turned into a tomato.

  
 **Graham:** That’s a lie. I was totally cool.

  
 **Camila** : He was a very, very cute tomato. And that night… everything changed for me and Graham. Everything that had kind of hung in the air unsaid…came spilling out. When we put you girls to bed, I invited him to sleep in my room and we just…talked. That is truly all we did. We talked through everything. Billy, Karen, his dad, Daisy, the girls…Us. But I remember feeling shocked by how normal and comfortable it felt having Graham in my bed. It was like…it’s where he had belonged in the first place. I believe the Universe brought your dad and I together to create magic in you three girls, and to get me to Graham because honey…that man was it for me. 

**  
Graham** : I think I had always loved your mom. I just never thought anything of it because of your dad. And Jules, they were perfect together for a very long time. But like your mom has said many times, sometimes the greatest love stories are the ones that don’t last. But thank God it lasted long enough to make you and your sisters. You girls are my world. I love you more than anything.

  
 **Julia** : I know, Pops. We love you too.


	19. Chapter 19

_** 1979 ** _

_** Daisy and Billy barely made it back to the Marmont. Daisy had been resting on Billy’s shoulder, their hands interlaced in his lap, as she soulfully hummed along to Roberta Flack. At a red light on LaCienega Boulevard, she pulled her hand from his and deftly undid his jeans. He cocked half of a wicked smile and reached between his leg to push the driver’s seat back. He lifted his hips just enough for her to push his jeans down around his hips as he accidentally gave the car too much gas. ** _

_** She pulled his growing and impressive length from his jeans and worked him over with her hand, laying her head in his lap and continuing to sing, her breath inches from the achingly smooth skin of his cock. He gently rocked up into her hand and fought to keep his eyes from rolling back into his head. ** _

_** “Strumming my pain with his fingers...singing my life with his words....” Daisy’s lips brushed against him as she sang and he moaned desperately for her ** _

_** “God, Daisy, please.....” ** _

_** “Killing me softly with his song....” she continued to sing, biting her lip slightly as she studied her hand on him...remembering all the things he had told her he liked. How he would hold his cock tight in his hand and just move his hips until he couldn’t take it anymore and he would tug in tight, long, languid strokes. It was not lost on him that she was a quick study. ** _

_** “God, Daisy, please what....?” She teased him, letting her tongue flick gently at the base of his cock as she laid herself down just beside it. He reached for her lower body across the console, desperately wanting to reciprocate but she twisted herself until she crouched down on the floorboard of the passenger seat. ** _

_** “Don’t you try to distract me, Billy Dunne. God...Daisy...please...what...?” Her voice was thick with her lust for him and she gave one long pull of his body with every word. Watching him try to keep his cool in public was flooding her senses. The traffic was moving slowly down Sunset. And it was nine o’clock. It might as well have been a parking lot and she knew it. He shot her a look full of wanting and sheer determination and control. ** _

_** “God...please...Daisy...let me fuck that beautiful mouth of yours....” his voice was thick with sex and it rumbled in his voice box. If he hadn’t felt the need to clutch the wheel with both hands he might have grabbed her head and forced it onto his cock himself. He didn’t have to. She glared at him, her green eyes hazy and bright at the same time as she freed her bottom lip from her teeth and closed her mouth over his entire length. ** _

__

_**“Jesus...Daisy...FUCK....”** _

__

_**It had been years since Billy had had a blowjob and he had never had one like this. Daisy Jones took him in her mouth like she had been starving for years and he was the only thing that could fill her empty, aching belly. She writhed in the car and he turned the music up to cover the sound of his own voice. She pulled the top of his cock into her throat and held it deeply until she felt she might gag and then released him quickly, jerking him off with her slick hand...bangles shimmying and jingling until she made him beg her to keep going.** _

__

_**“Please, Daisy....”** _

__

_**And as soon as he spoke she would close over him again making him lose control of the ability to talk. Her tongue pushing up and down the length of his throbbing hard cock as he lifted his hips into her face, humping gently at her wanting mouth. She could still hear him growling for her no matter how hard he fought to maintain his composure.** _

__

_**The car rolled to a stop at another red light and Billy swore. Daisy had her mouth full of him when she heard the car next to them honking wildly before sounds of girls screaming ‘BILLY!! BILLY DUNNE!” came pouring into their car from the Sunset Strip. He pushed his hand into the back of her hair.** _

__

_**“Don’t move....” He whispered breathlessly. She pulled him from her lips and laid in his lap, his hand firm in her hair. She traced her fingertips over his leaky tip and looked up at him as he turned and waved. The girls in the car next to him at the stoplight were losing their minds and she bit her lip hard as she smiled, watching him try to pretend that she wasn’t going down on him. She pushed her finger into her mouth and tasted him on it before slipping it gently, little by little, inside him. The hand in her hair went from pushing to pulling as she fought to stay in his lap, slowly starting to fuck him the way she couldn’t wait for him to fuck her. The girls were screaming and Billy was starting to lose control as he floored it and ran the red light. He sped through the intersection, his wheels screeching, as Daisy closed her mouth over him...taking his warm, thick load into her throat. She pushed and pulled with her finger, curling it gently inside him as he screamed for her. She felt him pounding and throbbing and pulsing and it was almost enough to give her her own climax. His entire body broke into a sweat as he pushed back against the car seat, lifting his hips into her with one final thrust. She drank everything he had to give her and was surprised as how much it was. Daisy cleaned him with her mouth as his head breathing returned. Easing her head back into his lap as she watched his erection dissipate.** _

__

_**“Killing me softly...with his song....” she sang up at him, wiping her mouth as he stroked her hair.** _

__

_**“I do love you, Daisy Jones.”** _

__

_**“You better, Billy Dunne.”** _

__

_**______________________** _

**Camila** :  People who didn’t live that life will never understand it. I wouldn’t have. I don’t expect you to and I don’t expect anyone who reads your book to. It worked for us at the time. And we figured out how to be happy. For you girls, for everyone. I know people thought I was crazy, or Graham was crazy, or Billy and Daisy were crazy. And maybe we were. But that kind of crazy just...worked. For us. But it hurt, too. I wouldn’t necessarily recommend it so don’t get any ideas.

**Daisy** :  Dinner was surreal. A lot of it was for you and the twins but we were all surprised at how easy it was. How natural it felt. It was the first time I felt like...maybe I could do that. Maybe now that I was clean. And coherent. And finding myself. I could be to someone what your mom was to you. I could find that kind of hope that I thought was out of my reach. And I wanted it. I wanted it more than I had realized.

**Billy** :  I had always imagined a life with Daisy being very different than life with Camila. But Daisy was changing and surprising me every day. Now don’t get me wrong. The two of them were more different than they were alike. But they did have a lot in common.

**Julia** :  They had you in common.

**Billy** :  They had you in common, too, Jules.

**Daisy** :  When we got back to the Marmont, Billy grabbed the paper from the stoop. We shuffled inside, he dropped the keys in the kitchen table and yawned, I hung my coat by the door. I lit a candle and he put a record on. It was the first time in my entire life I felt like I was coming home. With this man I loved. To a cozy home. I had never had that. The way you see it in the movies. I could tell it was normal to Billy. It wasn’t normal to me. But I craved those things. I craved them so much, Julia. Your dad fell onto the couch and pulled the paper out. He rifled through it and I realized he was looking for places to live. [she pauses] For us. I looked at him and thought: I want to watch this person grow old. I want to grow old with him. I had never even thought I would grow old. Never thought I’d survive my life.

**Billy** :  I didn’t hate Venice Beach. And if the Marmont was old Daisy, Venice Beach definitely felt like new Daisy. It was close enough to the house, we looked at places on the beach with room for you girls. Daisy wanted a pool. [Billy laughs] Let me rephrase: Daisy NEEDED a pool, she said. We both wanted a house to grow into. I wanted to build the studio in the back. I wanted to build her a safe space where she wouldn’t be constantly tempted by the pills and the booze and the people that had come to expect that from her. Your mom had done that for me. I needed to pay that forward. For Daisy. And maybe for me, too.

....

And of course we needed a place to park the RV.

_________________________

_** 1979 ** _

_** “What are you doing?” Billy called to Daisy as she opened the refrigerator to put away leftovers. She turned to him incredulously. ** _

_** “I’ll eat that.” ** _

**_Daisy laughed and put the food on the counter._ **

****

**_“How are you still hungry??”_ **

****

**_“Some of us didn’t snack on the way home....”_ **

****

**_Daisy took off her sandal and threw it at him. Laughing as he caught it mid-air._ **

**_“There are some places for sale in Venice Beach. Maybe we can take a drive this week.” Billy sat the paper down on the table beside him. Daisy crossed the room and pulled out her earrings, laying them on the table with the paper. She put her hands on Billy’s shoulders and sat on his lap, facing him, with her knees on the couch in either side of him._ **

****

**_“All about going for drives now?” She teased him, which was growing to be her new favorite thing because she learned quickly that she could make him blush.He raised his hands to hold her waist._ **

**_“You called this home....”_ **

****

**_Billy drunk her in as she talked, her face devoid of any expression that would help him navigate an answer._ **

****

**_“You’re home.” He whispered to her._ **

**_ Daisy lifted her dress over her head and was naked beneath it. Billy pulled his shirt over his head seconds later and took them both in his hand, tossing them over to the other side of the couch. He reached between them to undo his jeans and they both lifted off of the couch in unison so he could push them down over his thighs and kick them free. Daisy leaned her body into him and curled against his chest slightly. Only the candle lighting them. The Rolling Stone’s  Wild Horses gently echoing through the cottage. Daisy slid her body into his and felt him grow beneath her. She had been unsure if he would be ready again so soon. He surprised her with obvious need. _ **

_** Daisy took his face in her hands and kissed him deeply, passionately. She moaned into his mouth and he hummed back into hers. His tongue explored her mouth and his fingers found her clit and traced slow, lazy circles around it. She rolled her hips in time to the music. He felt her heat and her dampness and her want. He didn’t pull his tongue from her even as he held his cock and she positioned herself to engulf him.  ** _

**_She lowered easily onto him, swallowing him whole into her belly. She continued to gently roll her hips in time to the music as his thrusts did the same. She wrapped her arms around his neck and came up for breath. He threaded his arms under hers and wrapped them around her small frame. They whimpered and moaned together as the sounds of their lovemaking mingled with the music. He stared into her and she bored into him. He whispered her name and she moaned his. It was slow and subtle an_ ** **_d gentle and easy. Billy took his time, and still reeling from the orgasm she had given him in the car, it took him awhile to find his second climax. Daisy came several times on top of him: she would alternate between clutching him and crying out, to leaning back and stroking herself with her fingers as he watched her push herself over the edge. His lap was coated with her sex and he would whisper how much he loved her as he felt her coming around him. She was on the verge of a third orgasm when her body went limp on him, like she couldn’t take it anymore. She f_ ** **_ell into his shoulder, sweating and convulsing. He rolled them into the couch until he was on top of her and he slowly continued his painfully slow assault on her. She was so sensitive and raw that she gasped at every thrust and it filled her with an agonizing pleasure. Her eyes rolled back in her head and she came on him again, pulling his climax from him and deep inside of her. Billy rolled back and watched the ceiling disappear as his eyes fell closed. He thrust and pumped into her several last slow times before stilling and collapsing on her. Their breathing slowed together as they let their bodies nest in place. He was losing his firmness inside of her and she eventually felt him slip from her and onto her thigh._ ** **_She_ _reached for a heavy fur blanket that hung on the back of the couch and flung it over them as they fell into a peaceful sleep._ **

________________________

**Daisy** :  It was easier than I thought to say goodbye to the Marmont. Short of a few great memories with Billy...and Simone...it really just held a lot of pain and a lot of demons. When we found the place in Venice Beach, I was in love immediately.

**Billy** : She was so hell bent on living in Venice Beach I didn’t have the heart to tell her it was actually in Marina Del Ray but it was close enough. Man that was a good house. Even if it was pink.

**Camila** : As if you didn’t worship that woman enough, now she had a pink house. A pink fucking house. With a pool. On the beach. I remember the first time we stopped by. Your dad was already working on turning the shed into a studio and Graham would go over to help him. I passed the first handful of times. I was happy for them. I was. But still this little voice inside me thought...this is Daisy’s Honeycomb.

**Julia** :  It’s still a great house. I did repaint my bedroom but it’s still a great house.

**Billy** :  Daisy has this idea to let you pick the color of your room and she was so excited I didn’t have the heart to tell her that was a horrible idea. 

**Daisy** :  One purple wall, one orange, one black...

**Julia** :  ...and one pink. Of course.

**Daisy** :  The first few weeks there were just perfect. You girls came by a lot. Billy and Graham were building a pretty great studio. There was constant traffic of sound guys and tech guys and all of this work going into this little shed. With the RV parked right next to it. I’d float in the pool. A few times your mom brought you girls over.

**Camila** :  That pink house. It was a good time. It still felt like a playground. It didn’t have the same...reality...that our house had. But Daisy was trying. She was trying to cook [she laughs] and she was really making a sweet place for you and Susana and Maria. That’s when she gifted me those portraits. She had this artist friend of hers paint the three of you. These huge canvasses. And they hung in the living room. And I’ll never forget the day I noticed them, she opened a closet and pulled out a matching set. For me.

**Daisy** :  I remember telling her she could throw them out if she didn’t love them like I did but she cried. I think she really liked them.

**Camila** :  It was really hard to not like Daisy Jones.

** Julia/Narrator:  ** In the fall of 1979, Daisy Jones and The Six became...The Six. Daisy was included in the original head count as were Billy, Graham, Warren, Karen...who appeared only in the album and not the tour...and studio guitarist and bass player Steve Lockwood and Nate Meade. The band recorded the entirety of the album in the studio at Daisy Jones’ Venice Beach House...with the help of Artie Snyder. 

**Warren** :  The vibe was different for sure. But with Daisy straight and Billy not on edge it was pretty chill. And the music was good which was all I cared about. Oh, and Eddie didn’t stick around long enough to see Billy Dunne, rock God, living in a fucking pink house. So that was good.

**Daisy** :  That album really took it out of me. I was exhausted. I loved producing. I loved that Billy trusted me enough to let me make those calls. But it was stressful, to take those songs and risk ruining them. But you risked greatness, too. I had a new appreciation for the pressure Billy felt recording Aurora. 

**Camila** :  I was asleep on the couch one night when I heard Daisy come in. You girls were asleep in your room and your dad and Graham were working on some guitar lines and I had just crashed. I had been feeling terrible. I told myself it was the stress of all the back and forth. And there was still effort that went into being ok around your dad and Daisy. I needed a break. I heard Daisy come in the back door and throw up. God it was everywhere and it smelled so bad. I rushed to her and she just stood there like she didn’t know what had happened to her.

**Daisy** :  It was the first time I had ever thrown up in my entire life...sober. It was a really strange feeling. I remember looking over at Camila and there’s just...this mess everywhere. I was gasping for my breath and she was staring at me helpless. 

**Camila** :  I thought for a split second. I thought there is no way she is pregnant. Then I remembered that your dad had been pretty successful at turning accidents into wonderful things. But...he was good at accidents. But I wasn’t ready. Pretty sure we conceived you the first time it would have been a possibility. I hoped that we were both stressed out and overwhelmed. I wasn’t ready for that. For your dad and Daisy. But...it..it was the smell of it that got to me.

**Daisy** :  Your mom threw up. God she was so embarrassed. [Daisy laughs] We just stood there until we couldn’t take it anymore. We just started laughing. This strange combination of laughing and crying. We were both hysterical. Standing there over this mess. This huge, ugly mess. And we laughed.

**Camila** :  We were about to learn a lot about getting through big ugly messes together.


	20. Chapter 20

**Billy** : Now there was a sight I never thought I’d see. Camila and Daisy laughing with each other, standing over piles of their own vomit. I turned to Graham and he just shrugged at me as he ran to get some cold towels. The smell was enough to make my stomach turn too. I can still smell it…[shudders]

  
 **Graham** : My stomach had been feeling weird that day too, so I figured it had to have been the sushi we had eaten earlier in the day. I knew we should have never trusted a ‘Sushi Palace’ that also served hot dogs and fried chicken. It was obviously food poisoning. 

  
**Camila** : Graham was convinced we had all been poisoned, and it was hilarious watching him panic. He was sure that we were all going to die, and then he threw up on the floor too. Which only made us laugh harder, but then…that sweet, sweet man… he looked up and wiped his mouth and he said, “What would happen to the girls if we died?”. You were still the first thing he was concerned about. It melted my heart right there. If I wasn’t already slowly falling in love with Graham Dunne, I would be now. 

  
**Billy** : Everyone was laughing and Camila was trying to convince Graham that we had all gotten food poisoning, but it shook me up a little bit when he asked what would happen to you girls if we died. I am ashamed to admit that I never thought about it. And I of all people should have, with my history. I looked at Camila and we had a wordless conversation with our eyes about how this is actually a discussion we need to have. What would happen to our girls if something happened to us?

  
 **Daisy** : The plan had been for Graham and Camila to leave a lot earlier than they did and take you girls back with them, of course. But it was a lot later than expected, and Camila had food poisoning and so did Graham, so I just told Camila that you girls should stay with us. You three were asleep already anyway, and there was no point in waking you up, just to put you back to bed. I saw your mom hesitate and wince a little, and I felt bad. I mean, she was being an incredibly strong woman, and showing me so much grace already, but I knew when it came to you girls, that was still a touchy spot. You are her world, and the thought of me being ‘mom’ in the morning…that was a hard pill to swallow. 

  
**Camila** : I didn’t want to leave you girls there. I liked Daisy. There was a part of me that even loved her. But…the whole thing with her and your dad…it was all moving so fast and while I was doing my best to go with it and be breezy, it wasn’t a switch I could just turn off and on and you three girls were the one thing that still felt like just mine and your dad’s. Even with Graham, no matter how he or your dad saw things back then… he wasn’t Billy to you. He was fun Uncle Ram and you couldn’t wait for your daddy to walk back in the door and be dad again. Obviously, things are different now, with all of us. But back then…back then I was having a hard time letting go when it came to you three. But then Graham came over and put his hand on my back and said, “that would actually be great, thanks guys. We’ll see you for breakfast?”, and I didn’t feel like I could argue when it was three against one. So…I left you there. With Daisy. And I went home with just Graham. It was one of the only times I had been away from you overnight. I had never been away from the twins. I hated it. 

  
**Julia** : Dad was there too, mom. It wasn’t just Daisy. Also, if I’ve never said it before… you are the best mom to ever exist. I may have worshipped dad when I was growing up, by I idolized you. Not Daisy Jones.

  
  
 **Camila** : [tears start to fall] Thanks, baby girl.

  
 **Graham** : I really wanted to get more alone time with your mom. I had loved just sitting in bed with her and talking to her…about everything. With Karen, it was never emotional. Well, at least not for her. It was purely physical. Raw, animalistic sex. Again, her end. Because I always wanted more. But when she realized she didn’t want the same things as I did, and then made the decision to end her pregnancy, there really was no coming back from that for me. I wasn’t going to force a woman who didn’t want anything more than random hookups in a closet or the bathroom, to be with me. I longed for intimacy. I know it wasn’t something guys talked about. Especially in the 70s, and especially when you’re in a rock band that revolves around the sex and drugs, but it’s how I felt. I wanted someone who I connected with soul and body. We had connected with our souls, so now…

  
 **Julia** : Oh God.

  
 **Camila** : Are you sure you want me to talk about this, honey? Somehow, this feels weirder than even talking about your dad…

  
 **Julia** : Yes. Because I know where this is going to go, and this is important.

  
 **Camila** : [sad smile] Ok. You’re right. That night changed…a lot.

  
______

**1979**

  
_**“Are you ok? I know it was hard to leave the girls, but I think it was the right decision. Let them sleep, ya know? They looked so peaceful."** _   
_**  
Camila just nodded as she looked out the window.** _

_**“Hey, hey, come on…talk to me.” Graham grabbed her hand and gave her a worried look as he switched between looking at the road and looking at her.** _

_**Camila shook her head, tears working hard to escape her eyes.** _

_**“Cam…” Graham’s voice was soft.** _

_**“You didn’t give me a choice!” Camila blurted out as she turned to him and the tears began to fall.** _

_**“What?”** _

_**“You didn’t ask me what I thought or how I felt. You didn’t ask me if I thought that it was a good idea or if that’s what I wanted. I’M their mother. Not…fucking Daisy Jones.” She looked out the window as she continued to cry silently.** _

_**Graham pulled over into an abandoned parking lot and put the car in park.** _

_**“Hey, Camila look at me… Camila Dunne… please look at me.”** _

_**Camila turned her head slightly.** _

_**“I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking. Of course you’re their mom… I should have asked you first before I ran my big mouth. Do you want to go back and get them? Because I’ll turn this car around right here. Just say the word.” His face was serious, and it made her laugh through her tears. She wasn’t used to a man who cared about her feelings enough to rearrange his plans.** _

_**She leaned over and put her hand on the side of his face, rubbing his cheek with her thumb.** _

_**“You really are something else, Graham Dunne.”** _

_**He gave her a faint smile and whispered, “So, what will it be?”** _

_**She looked in his eyes for a couple of minutes as she thought about what he was offering. She knew he wanted alone time with her, yet he was putting her and the girls above his own wants.** _

_**That was the moment she fell in love with Graham Dunne.** _

_**She sighed deeply as she leaned over the console, taking his other cheek in her hand, and planted a sweet, tender, deep kiss on his lips. She pulled back and said, “Take me home”.** _

_**“Are you sure?” Graham’s eyes were wide and his chest was heaving after her kiss.** _

_**Camila nodded and leaned back into her seat.** _

_**“Yeah. The girls will be fine. I know that. I just needed to process through it. Just next time…let’s be a team, ok?”** _

_**He nodded and said, “Ok”, before putting the car in drive and taking her home.** _

_**____** _

_**When they got home, they both took showers and got ready for bed. Graham grabbed a blanket and started heading towards the couch when Camila stopped on the stairs and said, “Where do you think you’re going?”** _

_**Graham blushed as he said, “I wasn’t sure if you still wanted me to come upstairs now…after that kiss.”** _

_**His face was turning bright red as Camila started laughing.** _

_**“I swear, you Dunne boys will always keep me on my toes. The fact that I kissed you made you think that I DIDN’T want you in my bed? What in the world will you think if I do this?” She untied her robe and let it drop open, revealing herself to him. She was wearing nothing but a pair of black lacy panties.** _

_**He swallowed hard, his eyes scanning her body as they began to go dark with lust.** _

_**“I…I would think that you…uh…” He couldn’t think straight as Camila’s breasts were the best he had ever seen, and she was showing them off with pride.** _

_**  
Daisy Jones had great boobs. Everyone knew that and you would have to be blind to think any differently. But Graham thought that Camila’s were better, and he wanted to give them the honor and respect that they deserved.** _

  
_**“Get up here, silly man.” Camila winked at him and turned to run up the stairs** _

  
_**“Yes ma’am!” Graham dropped the blanket and ran up after her.** _

_**  
She had dimmed the lights and Graham noticed that she was wearing perfume, and he had never smelled something so intoxicating.** _

_**Camila sat on the edge of the bed; her legs spread open, the robe pushed behind her.** _

_**Graham stood in the doorway, not wanting to move too fast or do anything she didn’t want, but he was starting to see that she wanted him as much as he wanted her.** _

_**It had been so long since her body had been adored. So long since she had been with a man. Billy had been gone for two months, and then returned a completely different man, but even before he left, their sex life had become hit or miss at best. They would start, then one of the twins would start screaming or Julia would need something or… it was hard for her to remember a time when she had just been able to feel good. Not worry about anything. Let go. Have an orgasm. Scream. She wanted it all.** _

_**She reached her hand out to Graham and he quickly moved to take it as she pulled him between her legs so that he was standing in the middle of them.** _

_**She looked up at him and whispered, “Hi…”** _

_**He looked down at her and whispered, “Hi…” as he rested a hand on the side of her face. She turned to kiss his palm and he leaned down to kiss her.** _

_**He kissed her like he was suffocating, and she was oxygen. And in a lot of ways, he had been.** _

_**Without breaking their kiss, Camila slid back and stood up on the bed, grabbing the hem of his shirt and lifting it off of him as she stood up.** _

_**He looked at her standing up straight on her big bed and smiled at how stunning she was. She was glowing.** _

_**She pulled him up so that he was standing up with her on the bed and then…she started jumping. Up and down like she was Julia jumping on the bed without a care in the world. She was laughing and Graham started jumping with her, laughing himself.** _

_**They were free for the first time in a long time. Free from the stress of the band life, or Billy or…even the girls for a night. Camila couldn’t remember the last time she had belly laughed with a man and just had fun. Graham couldn’t remember either. Karen was fun, but there were usually drugs involved to get there. This was just innocent, carefree happiness.** _

_**They jumped and jumped until they could barely breathe from the exertion and laughter, then Camila fell onto her back, still laughing as she tried to catch her breath.** _

_**Graham fell next to her and was doing the same.** _

_**When their breathing had leveled, Camila rolled over and propped herself up on her elbow, and she began running her finger down Graham’s chest, playing with his chest hair before continuing down the line until she got to his pants.** _

_**The touch of her fingers on his chest made him grow hard instantly, and by the time she got low, he was pitching a pretty tall tent.** _

_**“Wow…” Camila whispered breathlessly.** _   
_**  
“Sorry…” Graham was breathing heavily again, and Camila gave him an annoyed look.** _

_**“I’m going to need you to do something for me, ok?”** _

_**Graham nodded.** _

_**“Stop fucking apologizing for being hot, and for wanting me. I want you too. Like, now. Is that ok with you?” As she spoke, she reached into his pants and grabbed the base of his cock, squeezing it tightly in her hand, causing Graham to cry out in surprise.** _

_**Graham nodded furiously but all he could manage to say was “uhh huh…”** _

_**“Good”. Camila smiled and leaned in to kiss him again as she split her fingers and slid his cock in between her index and middle fingers, raking him up and down.** _

_**“Ohhh god…” He hissed as she continued her steady movements.** _

_**She leaned on his stomach and started playing with his nipples. Brushing them gently and blowing on them, watching them grow hard under her touch.** _

_**“You know… a lot of women forget that men have erogenous zones too, and that nipples can be a real turn on for them, just like us. Yes?” She continued her movements in his pants and Graham’s eyes were rolling back as he tried to control himself. He nodded furiously as he moaned.** _

_**She leaned down and licked one, watching his face the entire time, reading all of his cues. She started licking a line down his stomach, pulling his pants down as she lowered.** _

_**She gasped as his member freed itself from its restraints, and she immediately started licking it from it’s base, up to the tip. She was about to wrap her mouth around it when Graham gently grabbed her hair and pulled her away, groaning out a ‘no’.** _

_**She felt rejection flood her, but she didn’t let it show. She crawled up him and laid down next to him, whispering, “ok…”** _

_**Graham was trying to gather himself and his thoughts before he turned to her and said, “Not yet. I want that…Christ do I want that. But I was determined that if I ever got a chance to love your body, Camila Dunne, that that is exactly what I would do. I don’t want this to be about me. Not right now.”** _

_**Camila couldn’t help it, tears started running down her cheeks, towards her ears as she looked at the ceiling, trying to blink them away. No man had ever said anything like that to her before. Not even Greg.** _

_**She looked over at him and he grabbed her hand, bringing it to his lips and tenderly kissing it, before taking one of her fingers in his mouth and sucking gently. She hadn’t realized she had been holding her breath, but when he sucked her finger, she released her breath in a sensual moan.** _   
_**  
  
Graham rolled over, hovering over her as he began to kiss her neck, over to her lips, then down to the other side of her neck.** _

_**He kissed it softly, then sucked it hard, and she purred, grabbing his back and accidently digging her nails in.** _

_**He didn’t care.** _

_**He sat up, straddling her legs, but keeping his weight on his own legs, and stared at her, licking his lips and deciding where to start.** _

_**He stared just long enough for her self-consciousness to kick in, and she found herself covering her breasts with her arm and her untrimmed bush with her other hand.** _

_**Graham’s face softened as he grabbed her arm and pulled it away gently.** _

_**“What are you doing?” He asked incredulously.** _

_**Camila’s face turned red.** _

_**“I…they’re not… I mean I just realized… I’ve breast fed three kids, Graham. I didn’t even think about it. I know I’m probably a mess. My left boob is bigger than my right one now because for some reason, all three girls gravitated to the right. And these purple veins I have underneath just never went away and…”** _

_**He leaned down and kissed her, cutting her off before pulling away and smiling at her.** _

_**“You, Camila Dunne, are the sexiest woman I have ever seen. And your breasts are perfect. Don’t you dare think otherwise. They kept your girls alive, and they are still hot as hell. So, shut up and let me worship them like they deserve.”** _

_**He moved himself down her body, and began to blow on her nipple, just like she had done for him.** _

_**She let out a whimper and he smiled, bringing his thumb up to it and brushing it back and forth before leaning in to take it in his mouth.** _

_**The sensation of his warm mouth on her cold, hard nipple sent ripples down her body and she felt her sex react beneath her, her desire escaping her.** _

_**He moved to the other breast and did the same thing, but this time, she grabbed his hair and held him in place as she began lifting her hips, desperate for friction against him.** _

_**Taking her hint, he reached down between them and pressed his palm against her now soaked panties, using his hand to rub her clit and give her the friction she craved.** _

_**“Ahhh, good God…yessss….” Camila arched her back as she pushed and pulled Graham’s hair.** _

_**She unconsciously started pushing his head off of her breast and lower down her body, and he happily obliged.** _

_**He kissed down her stomach and over the little tiny, nearly invisible pouch the Camila still had lingering from the twins.** _

_**“Sorry…” She whispered and he looked up at her.** _

_**He gave her a pout as he said, “What did we say about sorry? Your body in banging, Cam…own it. You’re one hot sexy mama.”  
  
His eyes were dark, and she saw the love and desire in them. ** _

_**He made her feel safe and secure in a way Billy never had, even if he had wanted to.** _

_**She let her knees drop open and he saw the glisten of her juices that had soaked her panties and were now running down the sides of her.** _

_**Graham smiled playfully as he began to pull at them.** _

_**“Let’s just get these things off already, shall we?” He pulled a little too hard and they both heard a loud rip.** _

_**His face went white as Camila burst out laughing.** _

_**“I’m so sorry!” He held up the torn fabric and Camila got a joking look in her eye as she said, “Graham Dunne…what did we say about sorry?” She winked at him and his face softened, and he got a mischievous look on his face as he tossed the panties behind him and said, “I like it better this way anyway. I hope you never wear panties again.” Before she could respond, he was going down on her, savoring every lick and the taste of pineapple that was hitting his tongue. He moaned into her and the vibrations made her scream as she writhed, her legs moving up and down the side of him as she grabbed the sheet in fistfuls and arched her back.** _

_**She hadn’t let Billy do this in years. But somehow, with Graham…this made sense and he made her feel like there was no one else in the world for him. And she knew he meant it.** _

_**He moved up and collected some of her desire on his fingers before putting his wet fingers on her clit and gently beginning to tap and draw circles around it.  
  
Camila howled. Graham smiled.** _

_**He began to insert a finger into her, but Camila was the one to stop him this time.** _

_**“Graham Dunne, don’t you dare. If anything is going inside of me, it’s going to be you.”** _

_**She pulled him up to her and kissed him, tasting herself on him as he positioned himself over her entrance and slid in with ease. She wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around his back, desperate to pull him closer. He wrapped his hand around the small of her back and lifted her up to meet him, pushing him even deeper.** _

_**They cried out in unison as the sensation of them becoming one was hitting them at the same time. Camila began moving first, and they struggled to find a smooth rhythm. But once they did, it was like their bodies were a symphony orchestra, moving together gracefully and making sweet music.** _

_**He panted as she screamed and sweat began covering their bodies.** _

_**They sped up and then came together, their bodies convulsing as they pulled each other tighter.  
  
Graham had tried to pull out of her, but she just pulled him tighter. “I want to feel everything. All of you. Let go."** _

_**So he did.** _

_**When they came down, breathless, Camila rolled him over so that she could lay on his chest.** _

_**  
Graham was still trying to catch his breath as he spoke, playing with her hair and holding her back with his other hand.  
  
“You know…I said before that I thought I had always been in love with you, but never thought anything of it because of my brother…”** _

_**Camila nodded into his chest.** _

_**“…But now I don’t think. I know. I know this is all new and weird and we’re still figuring it all out, and I know I won’t always get everything right, but…I love you, Camila Dunne. I’m so in love with you. I always have been, but I would have never dreamed this would happen. That it even could happen. I love you, I love you, I love you. God that feels good to say.”** _

_**  
Camila smiled as she pushed herself up so that she was face to face with him.** _

_**“I love you too. I don’t know how I never saw it before… You are the Dunne for me.” She leaned up to kiss him softly, and they held their lips together for a while before Graham pulled away. He brushed some hair off of her forehead, tucking it behind her ear as he smiled wide.** _

_**“This is like my dream night. With my dream girl. The only thing that could make it even better would be…cookies.” He wiggled his eyebrows and Camila laughed, her head dropping to his chest.** _

_**“I think I know where we can find some of those.”** _

________

 **Billy** : That was a rough night for us. Daisy was up most of the night vomiting and the twins were cutting their molars, so they were up a lot, and you said your tummy hurt too and you couldn’t sleep… and it was a lot for me at once. Food poisoning is a bitch. I thought about calling your mom and having her come get you guys, but then I realized that this was my chance to really get in the trenches and be dad. Not just the fun part of it, but all of it. Once I realized that, I put on Cinderella and just sat with all of you girls on the couch. The twins were on my lap, and you were leaning on my ribs while Daisy leaned on my other shoulder. My girls. All in one place. Even though everyone was miserable, I finally felt at peace. It was beautiful.

  
 **Daisy** : I didn’t stop throwing up all night, and then into the morning. Billy had convinced me it was food poisoning thanks to that god awful sushi place, but I still wondered in the back of my mind… so I took a test for the hell of it.

  
 **Julia** : Annnd?

  
 **Daisy** : It was positive.

  
 **Billy** : Daisy was in the bathroom when Graham and Camila came in the next morning to get you girls. We had decided against breakfast because of everyone’s tummy troubles, so they were just going to stop in to pick you up. But when your mom walked in…there was something different about her. She had a glow around her. I was trying to figure it out when I saw it...

  
 **Camila** : I didn’t even know I had a hickey. Thankfully my hair was down or else it probably would have looked like I was trying to march in there and tell the world what had happened the night before. I didn’t know and I definitely would have tried to cover it if I had. What I was starting with Graham meant something. I wasn’t using him, and I wasn’t trying to hurt your dad. But the look on his face…

  
 **Billy** : I know it’s not fair of me to think this, but my first thought was, ‘how dare you’. I was mad at both of them. Or maybe I was hurt… I don’t know. It’s not logical. I know. But still. I was ok with them being together…at least I told myself I could get there. But I hadn’t really stopped to think about the sex part of it that comes with a relationship. Especially a new one. I just stood there, silently staring before Daisy came running out of the bathroom, waving a stick in the air.

  
 **Daisy** : I screamed, “Oh my God, I’m pregnant! Look! I’m pregnant! Billy!”. I didn’t know Camila was there already. When I saw her, my heart dropped. I was the worst person alive for rubbing that in her face, even if it was by accident. 

  
**Camila** : I threw up right there. 

  
**Graham** : My first thought was, “What the fuck.”


	21. Chapter 21

**Billy** : I feel like I keep saying this, but you know how there are some days you can’t remember anything about and some days you remember every single detail? [Billy pauses] That day was one of those for me.

_______________________

_**1979** _

**_The three of them turned to face Daisy, tears streaming down her face, waving an arm in the air...which of course jingled the dozens of bracelets up and down the length of her arm._ **

****

**_She stopped dead in her tracks when she realized it wasn’t just Billy in the family room. It was only barely sunrise and she hadn’t expected Camila and Graham so soon. In fact she had had her heart set on making the girls a big breakfast and eating out in the grass._ **

**_But like a lot of things Daisy Jones had dreamed, they didn’t always go according to plan._ **

****

**_“I’m sorry...I...” she started clumsily apologizing and staring at Billy for help, but his eyes were almost glassy and it was like he hadn’t even heard her._ **

**_“Daisy...that’s...so...I’m so....” Camila fought to find the right words as the brothers stood frozen in a hurricane of emotions they couldn’t understand, or didn’t want to anyway._ **

****

**_Billy turned back to Camila as she spoke and his eyes fell back on her neck. As he studied it he saw several other matching spots along her collarbone just inside the buttons of her blouse._ **

****

**_“You didn’t waste any time did you...” Graham spoke first, noticing Billy’s eyes on Camila and beating him to the punch._ **

****

**_“I guess I could say the same thing.” Billy was quietly seething. A desperately slow burn. Camila knew him well enough to see it, and she fought to diffuse it._ **

**_“Daisy, maybe we should get the girls....”_ **

****

**_Daisy stood and tried to mull those words over in her head but she was still in the cloud of her announcement, holding a stick in her hand that changed her life and Billy didn’t even care._**

**_The brothers stood locked in a staring contest that seemed to block out the rest of the world, including the two women who, under any other circumstances, they would do absolutely anything for._ **

****

**_“Do not get the girls.” Billy snapped._ **

****

**_“You don’t get to tell her what to do anymore!” Graham yelled and stepped dangerously close to Billy._ **

****

**_“And you do?!” Billy stepped in closer._ **

****

**_“Neither of you do. Stop this. Right now.” Camila moved closer to them, taking her place behind Graham._**

**_Daisy still couldn’t find it in her body to move her feet._ **

****

**_“Listen, congratulations, man. Really. This world needs one more kid for you to half ass parent.” Camila was pulling Graham back as he spoke._ **

****

**_“Billy!” Daisy shouted at him from across the room knowing that would send him over the edge._ **

****

**_Billy made a fist and turned from Graham, punching into the side of the doorway with more strength than he knew he had. Snapping two of his fingers on impact.Graham dodged just in case, sure that he would be next. Knowing he had asked for it._ **

****

**_Billy winced and took his fist into his other one, regretting it immediately. He stared at Graham as he let his heart stop racing._ **

****

**_“What did you think would happen, man? You think she would just sit around and wait for you to get bored with Daisy and come back home? Why is it so hard for you to understand that someone might actually just love me and not just because I’m part of that Billy Dunne package deal? You’re no better than dad. Not to me. You stuck around. But maybe I’d have been better off if you hadn’t. Maybe we all would. Did you ever even love Camila? Really love her?”_ **

****

**_Every word Graham spoke hurt worse than the last and surprised them all so deeply that no one knew what to say to make it stop._ **

****

**_“You know I loved her. I still love her.” Billy’s words slipped past his lips with no thought of his present company. They were meant for Graham but they landed the hardest on...Daisy._ **

****

**_Graham smirked, his eyes filling with tears that he sniffed off._ **

****

**_“I’m out. Find another guitar player, I know that’s all you’ll really worry about anyway.” Graham turned and left, closing the door behind him, leaving a stunned Camila, a confused Billy, and a heartbroken Daisy._ **

****

**________________________ **

****

**_Camila:_** As soon as Graham left, your dad asked me if I loved him. Graham. If I loved Graham. I asked him if it would make him feel better or worse if I said yes. Because knowing your dad’s penchant for self loathing, I know he wanted it to hurt. And I was angry at him because, he couldn’t see her, but I was watching Daisy over his shoulder. And it was killing her. 

****

**_Daisy:_** Camila walked towards me, and I know of the three of them, me being pregnant would have set the worst with her, but your mom...she is something else. She hugged me. She told me I would be a great mom. She said she was happy. 

**_..._ **

****

I knew she wasn’t. 

****

**_Camila:_** I was not prepared. In a way I was glad Graham snapped so I didn’t have to. But I went in to wake up you girls and I crawled into bed with you and cried. I looked at you as you slept and you looked so much like your dad. I laid there wondering what his babies would look like with someone else and my heart broke. It broke for a long time. 

**_Billy:_** What I did to Daisy was horrible. Why I didn’t just stop everything else in the world and give her the attention she needed in that moment... I have wished a million times I could go back and do that over. When I finally turned around, she just started at me. She was still holding that test and her hand was shaking. She just turned around and walked out the back door. And I...I just watched her go. 

****

**_Camila:_** I laid in there with you waiting for it to get quiet so I could make a quick exit...but it never got loud enough to have to get quiet. I never heard anything. I don’t know if they even spoke that morning. I finally put the twins in the stroller Daisy had bought and pulled you into my shoulder. I was trying so hard to be quiet. I didn’t want to see either of them, I know they would know I had been crying. And the longer we stayed the more chance there was of you waking up and wanting to stay. We couldn’t stay. We definitely could not stay. 

****

**_Daisy:_** I went and sat on the edge of the pool. I had a longer dress on and I didn’t bother to pull it up so it was just floating in the water around my knees and feet. I held that test on my lap and stared at it. I had about two minutes of feeling happy about it and I was trying so hard to get that back. All the getting sick. All the exhaustion. It all made sense. I wanted this baby to make sense, too. And suddenly I felt like...I had no idea if this would be something your dad would even want. Maybe I was why he was angry. 

****

**_Graham:_** Camila came out to the car with an arm full of babies and strollers and bags...and I didn’t even offer to help. I was sitting behind that steering wheel like I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. 

****

**_Julia:_** You’ve said before that you were done with Billy. Was that the final straw do you think? 

****

**_Graham:_** [pauses] I was so angry at him. For hurting your mom. For not being there for me. I was tired of blaming our dad for Billy’s mistakes. It wasn’t helping cause he just kept on making them. But that day I was mostly mad at myself for the things I had said. I was on the defensive. It’s...not always a good look for me. 

****

**_Julia:_** Did it bother you that they still loved each other? 

****

**_Graham:_** It’s always bothered me that they still love each other. Most days, on a scale of 1-10, it’s a one. That day? It was a fifteen. 

****

**_Billy:_** I walked into the backyard and I saw her on the edge of the pool and I wondered what the hell I could possibly do to make everything better. I don’t know why I thought getting in the pool was the right thing to do, but I don’t know why I did a lot of things the way I did that day ** _._**

****

**_Daisy:_** [smiling to herself] Billy walked right into the pool. He had jeans on and a denim shirt [she laughs] Of course he did, right? And he was a mess. He hadn’t really slept. His shirt was a mess, between drool and cookie icing and...his hair I think even had food in it. And he just walked right into the pool and I watched him and I thought, this is something I would do. What is happening to him? [she pauses] He walked in the water until he was in front of me. He took the test in his hand and studied it. 

**_Billy:_** I thought...how do these things even work? It’s a stick with a piece of paper and you pee on it and somehow... 

****

**_Julia:_** It’s a chemical reaction, dad, a woman’s body PH changes....actually... 

****

**_Billy:_** Hey, Dr. Rodriguez? I know now. [we share a laugh] It was a lot. I had never been a part of that with you. Or the twins. Your mom handled all that. I don’t know if she didn’t want to bother me with it or she didn’t think I would have cared. I remember the night she told me she was pregnant with you. She just kinda...said it. “Hey I’m seven weeks pregnant. You wanna go get dinner?” [he pauses] Maybe I was just too busy with my own shit to know any better. But Daisy? Man she flew out of that bathroom like it was on fire. She couldn’t wait to share that with me. And....I blew it. 

****

**_Daisy:_** I would say we didn’t plan it, but we didn’t really plan anything. We were just riding life like a wave. I mean we weren’t trying to get pregnant....well...we weren’t NOT trying...and I’d be lying if I said that sometimes, when we made love, I would close my eyes and wish for it. I never told him that. But I would. The more I had you and your sisters in my life the more I wanted to feel that. All of it. With him. 

****

**_Julia:_** Did you want more kids? 

****

**_Billy:_** [inhaling] Right at that moment? It wasn’t the right time. But...neither were you. And of all the shit I’ve ever done, you and your sisters are the things I am most proud of. So I had learned that sometimes things just happened when they were meant to. And Daisy...how happy she was...I couldn’t ever not want to give her everything she wanted. And what she wanted was a baby. I was glad she chose me to give that to her. 

****

**___________________________ **

****

** _1979_ **

****

** _Billy Dunne moved through the pool fully clothed, watching Daisy Jones stare at her lap._ **

****

** _“Hey, beautiful...” he whispered uneasily, knowing it was his way of asking her for forgiveness._**

**_She didn’t look up, just twisted the pregnancy test in her hands until he was close enough to take it from her._ **

****

**_“You know, growing up I would always wonder what it would be like to be a mom. I had such a shit one. But I wondered about the moms I saw on TV. Or my friend’s moms. Real moms. Normal moms. I even imagined what it would feel like to find out you were pregnant. What a crazy thing, right? Knowing that something like that was happening inside your own body. I never imagined this part, you know, telling the man you love and then having him be too busy making sure his wife still knows he loves her to even notice you...”_ **

****

**_“Daisy....”_ **

****

** _“That’s the reaction I would expect from my parents. Not you. You notice me, Billy Dunne. Like no one else has. I needed that today.”_ **

****

** _“Daisy. I’m sorry. The timing. I just wasn't thinking straight. I’m sorry.”_ **

****

**_Daisy paused for a long while. She inhaled deeply and took the stick back from him._ **

****

**_“Yeah I guess timing has never been my strong suit....”_ **

****

**_Billy moved between her legs in the pool and she sat the stick down on the pool’s ledge and rested her hands on his head as he looked up at her.She laughed to herself._ **

****

** _“What?” He asked, curious._ **

****

** _“You have vomit in your hair.” She plucked at it._**

**_He bit his lip._ **

**** ** _“You remember being a junky? How it was so fucking great for a while and then it was messy? And usually involved getting vomit in your hair?”_ **

****

**_She smiled gently and nodded._ **

****

**_“That’s basically being a parent, honey. Are you....” Billy pauses and chose his words as carefully as he could, “are you sure this what you want? I mean...the tour...your life....it’s...it will change.”_ **

****

**_Daisy took his words in and wanted to tell him these were things she had been mulling over since falling in love with him._ **

****

**_“I’m sure.” She didn’t pause. She didn’t stutter. She was as sure of it as she had been of anything. “What about you?”_ **

****

**_He didn’t answer as quickly as she had. He looked up at her and laughed as he noticed a smear of cookie on her dress. He lifted himself from the water, leaning on the side of the pool, wincing at the pain shooting through his broken fingers._ **

****

**_“I mean, the world needs one more kid for me to half ass parent, right?” Daisy pushed him back into the water and slid in along with him. She took his hand on hers and studied his already swollen knuckles._ **

****

**_“You know he didn’t mean that. Besides. I will always chose half ass Billy Dunne over whole ass anyone else. Including that piece of shit brother of yours.” She lifted his hand to her mouth and kissed it._ **

**_“Rod is going to shit his pants,” he looked at his hand on hers, “you’re knocked up and I can’t play guitar. Or piano.”_ **

****

**_“Would you be mad if I said I didn’t care?” She whispered as she threaded her arms around his neck and allowed herself a full smile.He returned it as she wrapped her legs around his waist, floating lazily in the cool water._ **

****

**_“I couldn’t be mad at you for that.”_ **

****

**_“Hey, Billy Dunne...” Daisy spoke coyly...teasing him._ **

****

**_“Yes, Daisy Jones?”_ **

**_“I’m pregnant.” She smiled and he pulled her close to him._ **

****

**_“You sure it’s mine?”_ **

****

**_She pushed him under the water as they laughed and he tried to pull her down with him.When he finally came up she pulled him into her chest._ **

**_“Are you happy?” He asked her as she wiped water from his face._ **

****

**_“I’m so happy.” She smiled and leaned in to kiss him as he let his fingers trace her belly in the water._ **

________________________

**Rod** : if I hadn’t been so fucking happy for them I would have murdered them both with my bare hands.


	22. Chapter 22

**Daisy** : That first trimester was a real bitch. I don’t think I’ve ever thrown up more in my entire life. And I didn’t have morning sickness, I had all day sickness. But I was determined to not let it affect my relationship and sex life with Billy, or my time with you girls. I was loving all of the extra time I got with you. Maria loved me immediately, as you know, but Susana…she was never too sure of me. 

  
**Julia** : I feel like she’s still that way with everyone, even now.

  
 **Daisy** : [laughs] Yeah, I would say you are right. She’s a real ball buster. But I love her for it. You, however… I’ve always had a special place in my heart for Julia Dunne.

  
 **Billy** : Daisy was really sick. Like all the time. But that sweet woman, she never let me see her. She would excuse herself and run into the big bathroom in our bedroom, and I could hear everything, but I pretended not to. I told her that I wanted to help her through it, but she told me that my only job was to keep her fully stocked up on ice cream and orgasms. I told her I could do that. 

  
**Julia** : Oh dear God…

  
 **Daisy** : Jules, when you have kids someday, you’ll get it. Your hormones are all over the place and I was hornier than ever. I wanted your dad ALL the time. Thankfully, he didn’t mind at all. And we were having sex all the time. Everywhere. Up against walls, on the dining room table, every floor in ever room, the shower, the bathtub, the pool, the backyard…the car. It was fantastic.

  
 **Julia** : Wait…you said every floor in every room. You don’t mean my room, right?

  
 **Daisy** : [blushes]

  
 **Julia** : OH COME ON.

  
 **Billy** : I loved pregnant Daisy. She was always barefoot anyway, but when she found out she was pregnant, I swear she turned into mother earth right in front of my eyes. She was always in the yard, clearing her energies, grounding on the grass, and practicing yoga all while drinking these horrible green smoothies. She was on a mission to be the best damn mom possible, and she wanted to do everything right. She was scared about turning into her mom, or worse, the old version of herself, so I supported any decisions she made and never got in her way. Even if I never understood what grounding was.

  
 **Daisy** : Billy was amazing. He went along with everything I wanted to do and was there every step of the way. The first doctor’s appointment where we saw the little dot and heard the heartbeat for the first time… [tears well in her eyes] that made it real. We were going to be a family. And I remember that we couldn’t wait to tell you! That was a fun day.

_______

**1979**

  
_**“Miss Julia Dunne, I am so excited that we get you for two whole days all by yourself!”** _

_**Julia bounced up and down into the living room, running over to Daisy as Billy shut the door behind him, having just picked her up. She ran into Daisy’s arms and jumped so that she was sitting on her lap. She instantly ran her fingers over the purple eye shadow that Daisy was sporting that day and played with the flower crown in her hair.** _

_**“I knowwwww! It’s going to be the best ever. No sisters!” She hopped off of Daisy’s lap and ran to Billy, who scooped her up and twirled her around.** _

_**Billy moved to kiss Daisy’s cheek and she whispered in his ear, “Did you see him?”** _

_**Billy pulled back and shook his head no, nodding to Julia and implying that they just sent Julia out to meet him when he picked her up from Camila’s.** _

_**He turned back to Julia and put on his biggest smile.** _

_**“That’s right. And I think that we need to have lots of fun, don’t we?” Billy nuzzled his face in her neck, causing her to squirm and squeal as his scruff tickled her.** _

_**“Yes! Let’s go swimming, and go to the zoo, and get pizza, and eat cookies and…”** _

_**“Whoa, slow down there, little missy! Your daddy and I have some exciting news to tell you first…” Daisy’s eyes were sparkling as Billy moved to sit next to her, Julia sprawling out across both of them.** _

_**“What is it? Is it better than cookies?” Julia played with Daisy’s long hair as she looked up at her.** _

_**Daisy looked at Billy who was smiling back at her.** _

_**“I think so! I hope you think so too.” Billy stroked his little girl’s hair as she continued to play with Daisy’s.** _

_**“Ok, what is it?”** _

_**“Well, Daisy…is going to have a baby. She has a baby in her tummy.” Daisy and Billy held their breath and smiled as they waited for Julia’s reaction.** _

_**It took the little girl a minute to process the news, but when it hit her, she shot up and wrapped her arms around Billy’s neck, looking at him with excitement.** _

_**“Wait…a baby? For me? Like just for me? All by myself?" She played with his facial hair as Billy started laughing.** _

_**“I mean…Daisy and I want to play with the baby too, but yeah, baby girl…a baby just for you.” He looked into her big eyes that were just like his, and he suddenly felt the baby news hit him like he was hearing it for the first time.  
  
He was getting another opportunity to be there from the beginning. He was getting to be a part of it all.  
  
He wasn’t going to blow it this time.** _

_**“That makes me so happy, Daddy!” She planted a wet, sloppy kiss on his cheek and then dove over to Daisy to do the same.** _

_**“Better than cookies?” Daisy asked playfully.** _

_**Julia stopped to think, tapping her finger on her chin before saying, “I don’t know yet.” She shrugged her shoulders and Billy and Daisy laughed.** _

_**“Well I guess that’s an honest answer!” Billy kissed Julia’s forehead as Daisy gave her an eskimo kiss.** _

_**“Is it a baby brother or a baby sister?”** _

_**“We don’t know yet, sweet girl!” Daisy was beaming.** _

_**“I want it to be a brother, ok?”** _

_**Billy laughed.** _

_**“Ok.”** _

_**Julia suddenly jumped off of their laps, then turned around quickly.** _

_**“Daisy Jones…how did you get a baby in your tummy?”** _

_**Daisy’s face went red as Billy stood up and scooped Julia into his arms again.** _

_**“Who wants to go to Disneyland?!”** _

_____

 **Julia** : Is it strange that I don’t remember that day? I mean, I remember so many other ones…you would think that that would be a major stand out for me.

  
 **Billy** : [shakes his head] No, I don’t think so. There was a lot going on around that time. I mean, you were going back and forth between your mom and me, and you were learning how Daisy and Graham fit in different roles in your life and… it was a hard time. So, no. It’s not strange.

  
 **Julia** : So, what happened at Disneyland?

  
 **Daisy** : I felt super sick still, so I gave your dad a pleading look and he was my hero in that moment. He turned to you and said, “How about you and I have a special King and Princess Disney date, just you and me?”, and you screamed. You loved one on one time with your daddy. You still do. [smiles]

  
 **Julia** : [smiles] Guilty.

  
 **Billy** : That was the best day. We rode all the rides, ate as much candy, snow cones and ice cream as we could, and met all of the characters. Your eyes were wide when you met Mickey Mouse and Cinderella. But when we took a break and sat on a long bench, I remember your feet dangling as you licked your ice cream, and you hit me with the hard questions. First of all, you asked again how Daisy got a baby in her tummy, to which I said that she ate a watermelon seed.

  
 **Julia** : Dad! Tell me you did not.

  
 **Billy** : [laughs and shrugs] I didn’t know how to answer that! But I should have because that was the easiest one. The rest were... You have always been a deep thinker, and the baby news really kicked that into overdrive for you, and it was the start of you trying to process all of the changes in your life.

  
 **Julia** : What kind of questions did I ask?

_____

**1979, Disneyland**

  
_**“Daddy… when are you coming home to live with me and my sisters and Mommy again?”** _

_**Julia licked her ice cream cone as she looked up at her dad, anxiously awaiting an explanation.** _

_**Billy felt like he had just been punched in the gut and he looked away from her as he tried to pick his words carefully.** _

_**  
“Well Jules… I don’t live there anymore, remember? Your Uncle Graham does now, and I get to live with Daisy Jones. With that big pool that you can swim in anytime. Isn’t that so cool?”** _

_**Julia’s face got serious as she thought about it.** _

_**“I guess. But I wish I could see you every day. I miss you, daddy.”** _

_**Billy felt a lump growing in his throat as he blinked his tears away quickly. He leaned over and kissed the top of her head, letting his lips linger as he collected himself.** _

_**“I miss you too, baby girl. Never forget how much I love you, ok?”** _

_**She reached over and put her little hand in his and said, “I know that daddy, don’t be silly!”** _

_**Billy laughed and watched her continuing to eat the ice cream cone that was bigger than her.** _

_**They were silent for a bit before she continued with the hard hitting questions.** _

_**  
“Is Daisy Jones my new mommy?”** _

_**Billy inhaled sharply before answering quickly, “No. No she’s not. You have a mommy already who loves you so, so much, and is so nice to you and a wonderful person. She is your only mom, sweet girl.”** _

_**  
Julia seemed satisfied with that answer but continued anyway.** _

_**“Can I pretend Daisy Jones is my mommy? I mean, when she has the new baby, then will she be my mommy?” Her eyes were searching his, genuinely trying to process these big changes out loud.** _

_**“You can pretend, but you can’t tell your real mommy, ok? That would hurt her feelings and we wouldn’t want that, would we?”** _

_**  
Julia shook her head no, ice cream dripping down her hand and smearing across her face.** _

  
_**“Can Mommy get a new baby in her tummy too?”** _

_**Billy felt his jaw clench as he tried to keep his breathing steady and his emotions in check.** _

_**“I don’t think so, sweetheart. She doesn’t like watermelon. She thinks it’s icky!” He scrunched his nose up at her and she giggled.** _

_**  
She got serious as her little mind tried to think of how to say the last thing she wanted to say.** _

_**  
“If loving Daisy Jones hurts my mommy, then does that mean I can’t love Uncle Ram either? I don’t want to hurt you. You’re my favorite daddy in the whole world.” She stretched her non ice cream holding arm out wide, and Billy felt the lump returning in his throat.** _

_**“No baby, it doesn’t. And you can still love Daisy Jones without her being your mommy. That's ok! And you can love Uncle Graham too. He loves you so much. You won’t hurt my feelings.” He felt his heart cracking at his lie, but he never wanted to involve Julia in his messes, so he smiled through it.  
  
He was thankful for Graham and the fact that he stepped up when he couldn’t. But it didn’t mean that her question didn’t hurt.** _   
_**  
She leaned back and wrapped her little arm around his back as she said bluntly, “I don’t love Uncle Graham like I love you, daddy.”** _

_**And just like that, the little crack in his heart was stitched together.** _

_____

 **Graham** : When we picked you up that Sunday, Billy just sent you outside with your little suitcase all by yourself. It pissed me off, but Camila reminded me that we did the same thing to them on Friday. But you looked so tiny walking up that driveway by yourself. I loved you so much it hurt, kid. And then you climbed into the car and Camila asked how your time with your dad was, and you gave us the painful highlights. ‘It was the best days ever! Daisy Jones is making me a baby. Daddy took me to Disney because Daisy felt yucky. He said I didn’t have to call Daisy mommy and that you are just my Uncle Ram so you’re not my new daddy either’. Yeah, I wanted to break the rest of his fingers right there in that moment. Camila put her hand on my knee and it instantly calmed me. She has that effect. God, I love that woman. 

  
**Camila** : It was hard to hear your updates every time you came home, but I will say… I was always thankful to Billy, and Daisy for that matter, for always making sure that I was your mom. I know over the years Daisy has become another mom to you too, but that was your decision. Neither one of them ever tried to push that on you and that meant the world to me. It really did. It bothered me to see how petty the Dunne boys were being though, refusing to talk to each other and shipping three kids back and forth with not so much as a grunt in each other’s direction. Daisy and I ended up being the ones handling the kid situation. Can you believe that? Me and Daisy Jones, being the only adults in the hard times. [laughs]

  
 **Billy** : I missed my brother. A lot. But he had crossed too many lines. I was done. I needed him to be out of sight and out of mind.

 **  
Graham** : I couldn’t have cared less if I saw him ever again. I truly didn’t. But as luck would have it, when life threw me one of the worst shit storms I had ever faced, Billy was the only one I needed.

  
 **Julia** : Let’s not talk about that yet, Pops. We’ll get there.

  
 **Daisy** : The next thing we had to do was tell the band. Well, essentially just Karen and Warren. Pete was off with his love, Eddie didn’t give two shits about the band anymore, and Graham already knew. So did Rod. So… I called Karen and Billy called Warren.

  
 **Karen:** Graham had already told me. Actually, he told me the day he found out. I was hurt that THEY didn’t tell me first, but it was fine.

  
 **Julia** : Did Graham tell you he was with my mom now when he told you Billy and Daisy’s personal information?

  
 **Karen** : [Scoffs] Nope. Ironic, isn’t it?

  
 **Daisy** : I was mad that Graham had told her. Seething mad. I had told Billy that we were going to wait untl twelve weeks. Get me through the first trimester. And we did. But everyone already knew by then. Graham stole that from us. That was our news to tell. That still gets me fired up when I think about it.

  
 **Warren** : I thought it was great! As long as it didn’t affect the music, and our ability to tour. I was cool.


	23. Chapter 23

**Julia/Narrator:** On December 14, 1979, Billy and Camila Dunne...my parents...filed for divorce.  
  
 **Billy:** Daisy was sick for a long time. She handled it like a champ. Camila had never really gotten sick. She would go to shows and sleep on busses and stay up all night all while nine months pregnant. Even with the twins, when her belly got so big and she was so damn small you’d wonder how she stood up without tipping over. [He laughs] It was never that easy for Daisy. We pulled up the shag carpet in that back room by the pool. It was just as well. [he pauses] I remember Graham sitting there the first night she got sick. We didn't know what it was at the time. And your mom lost it, too. I remember how I was worried about your mom and Daisy...and he was worried about you. That’s pretty typical of your Uncle Graham. He’s always worried about the next three things. I worry about what’s right in front of me. We are pretty different like that.  
  
 **Camila** : Billy had brought up Graham’s concern for you girls several times so I knew it was sticking with him. At first it was as a joke. He’d laugh and say, 'remember when Graham was worried about all of us dying?' And he’d try to laugh it off. But your dad doesn’t cover his worry nearly as well as he thinks he does. Hell, if he had any kind of poker face at all I wouldn’t have known immediately when he started having feelings for Daisy. Graham? Poker face for days. You have to pull emotions out of him with tweezers. Your dad’s were always right there on his face. Still are.  
  
 **Julia:** You should try interviewing them.  
  
 **Camila:** [laughing] I lived through it once, honey. I’ll pass.  
  
 **Billy:** Rod had mentioned in passing that Graham had asked him to drive up the coast to look at some car he wanted to buy. So I figured it would be a good chance to call Camila and maybe talk some things through.  
  
 **Camila:** I was strangely nervous to get together with your dad that day. I think I knew what he wanted to talk about. But I found myself getting ready for him like it was a date. I had called Cindy and she was playing with you kids in the yard. I didn’t know what to expect other than the fact that he was picking me up at two o’clock. I looked in the mirror and fussed way too much over myself before deciding to put an "Aurora” T-shirt on. I figured if nothing else it would be a conversation starter. I had cut the sleeves off of it. I put my favorite flares on. I even had butterflies waiting for him. It was...strange.  
  
______________________  
  
 _ **1979**_  
  
 _ **Billy Dunne pulled up in his vintage green Swinger and stopped to look at himself in the rear view mirror before taking a few minutes deciding whether or not to get out of the car. He could hear the girls in the backyard and thought about stopping there first, before Camila appeared in the front door. He stopped on the sidewalk, taken by how effortlessly beautiful she looked. She slung her big brown bag over her shoulder and tucked her hands in her pockets as she walked towards him.**_  
  
 _ **“Can I say hi to the girls a minute?” He asked as she reached him. She looked over her shoulder and back at him.**_  
  
 _ **“Would it be ok if you do it when we get back?” She was too anxious to put anything off and he understood. He held his hand out to her and walked her to his car, opening the passenger door and helping her inside before rounding it to his own door. Camila leaned over and opened it for him. She had always done that for him, and it always meant something. It always made him feel like she was there for him.**_  
  
 _ **They drove for a minute in silence before making small talk. The weather. The girls. The band. His still taped up broken fingers. Upcoming holidays. The idea of an unusual season with this new blended family suddenly stuck at him.**_  
  
 _ **“Will you go to Pittsburgh?” He asked uneasily. They always had. But things were different now. Camila had rolled her window down and was staring out into the cool fall air as she answered.**_  
  
 _ **“Not this year. We can...figure something out. Right?”**_  
  
 _ **She looked back at him and there was pleading in her eyes. He knew what she was asking. He tried to smile and nodded yes. Camila was watching him as they continued talking about the music on the radio (how he hated so much of it...how she was tired of the same four chords...) and she hadn’t noticed that he had pulled into an ice cream parlor.**_  
  
 _ **“Wait here, ok?” He patted her hand as he jumped from the car and ran inside. It was clear they knew him inside and she wondered if this was the place Julia talked about when she would say Billy and Daisy had taken her to the ice cream castle. She laughed as she watched him struggle through signing a few autographs and then her heart bubbled in her chest when he finally used his back to push through the front door and back outside.**_  
  
 _ **Carrying two root beer floats.**_  
  
 _ **She popped his door open for him again and he passed the drinks to her as he got back into the car. She fought the urge to get weepy and smiled instead. Handing his back to him once they were on the road.**_  
  
 _ **He drove up the Pacific Coast Highway until there was a remote turn in the road and he pulled off, parking the car by a guardrail that felt like a secluded look out spot.**_  
  
 _ **They both got out of the car quietly, shut their doors and walked to the guardrail. Camila stepped over it and hung her legs over the side, taking in the glow of the midday California surf. Billy straddled it like a horse, facing her. Watching her.**_  
  
 _ **He finally sat his ice cream down on the road and leaned over his knees.**_  
  
 _ **“Graham worries about what would happen to the girls if something happened to us....” he started slowly. She took a sip of her drink and turned to him.**_  
  
 _ **“Do you?” She asked. Billy looked at her and then out over the water.**_  
  
 _ **“I do. But...I’m more worried about what happens to them right now.”**_  
  
 _ **She nodded.**_  
  
 _ **“Legally you mean. That they are taken care of?” She pulled his attention back from the water.**_  
  
 _ **“They will always be taken care of. Always. By all of us. You know that,”**_

_**she nodded, sadly,** _

_**“but yeah. Rod was talking about...you know...if I shouldn’t set up an account just for the girls. So no matter what happens we know they will always be taken care of....and.....”**_  
  
 _ **Billy looked at his hands and sighed. She encouraged him to keep talking.**_  
  
 _ **“Look I know Graham will take care of you. He’s Graham. That’s what he does. He will worship you and...you deserve that. But I want to...I want to make sure you’re taken care of, too. I’d like you to have a place where you have your own money, too. For you...the girls...but I want to take care of you, too. That’s what I promised to do and I want to do it. I need to still do it, Camila."**_  
  
 _ **Camila felt her eyes welling with tears. She knew Billy had the money to do it but it was more that he had the thought to do it.**_  
  
 _ **“Graham won’t love that.” She whispered through a smile.**_  
  
 _ **Billy chuckled.**_  
  
 _ **“No. No he won’t. So if it’s ok with you, we don’t tell him. At least not now. I’m gonna set something up in your name and his. I want to take care of him, too. Look, Graham will always come out on top. But I wrote that album. There’s money there that won’t come to Graham. It’ll come to me.”**_  
  
 _ **She looked at him, nodding. They stared at each other for a long time.**_  
  
 _ **“Do you want to marry Daisy?” Camila had to push the words from her throat. Billy frowned slightly at the fact that she assumed that was his motivation.**_  
  
 _ **“No. I don’t think that’s what this looks like for Daisy and me. I married you. I think that’s sort of a one time thing for me.” Billy thought about asking the same thing...but he already knew the answer. And he wasn't ready to hear her say it.**_  
  
 _ **Camila smiled and felt a tear drop over her cheek.**_  
  
 _ **“And...that time is over now. Isn’t it?” Her voice was hardly a whisper. She knew it was. It had been for some time.**_  
  
 _ **“I think it is. I’m sorry.”**_  
  
 _ **“What are you sorry for?” She asked as she dried her cheek on the back of her hand.**_  
  
 _ **“I’m just sorry. It can be what we want, doesn’t mean it has to feel good.”**_  
  
 _ **They sat in silence for awhile, watching the surf, enjoying the sun.**_  
  
 _ **“Well, I can’t keep you from your girls any longer. We should go.” Camila stood and Billy took her hand. She turned to him.**_  
  
 _ **“You’re my girl, too. Alright? It looks a little different now. But...you are.”**_  
  
 _ **She smiled and walked back to the car, leaving him behind for a few moments before he followed. When he got in the car he passed her his float.**_  
  
 _ **“You hardly touched this.” She scolded him sternly.**_  
  
 _ **“Take it home to Graham. He likes them, too.”**_  
  
 _ **“You know he will throw it out and make some comment about your leftovers...” she rolled her eyes and forced a smile. Billy turned to her and placed a hand on her lap.**_  
  
 _ **“It’s your job to make him feel like that’s not what they are.”**_  
  
 _ **They held hands all the way back to Camila’s.**_  
  
 _ **_______________**_  
  
 **Camila:** That was a hard day, but it was a good day. And I was glad Billy had been thinking through those things. He could be so impulsive. So in the moment. Which was part of his charm. He didn’t always do adulting very well. I’m glad you at least got that from me.  
  
 **Julia** : Thank you.  
  
 **Billy** : I held your mom’s hand to keep mine from shaking. That was it. It was over. It was official. It felt heavy and light at the same time. We got back to the house and I was relieved we had beat Graham. You girls were in the front yard and I barely made it out of the car. I remember you asked me if I took mommy on a date.  
  
 **Julia** : What did you say?  
  
 **Billy:** I said that yes I had, and you told me next time I needed to ask your permission...just like you always asked your mom permission to go on dates with me. [We both laugh]  
  
 **Camila** : I went inside to put that root beer float in the freezer and I had myself a quick little cry. I watched the four of you in the yard. You on your dad’s back. The twins tottering around him as he lifted one and then the other. I had to remind myself. My girls were lucky. They had two amazing men, two very very different men, who would give them the world. I mean, how could I complain about that?  
  
 **Julia** : You had that, too.  
  
 **Camila:** I did. We all did. I just had a figure out a way to get them in the same room together. It was the first time I had really wished their mom was around. Billy and Graham could both be a lot. But they were survivors. Both of them. And I knew from your dad how much of that had come from her. And she had to be the only person to ever walk the earth who could handle them both at once.  
  
 **Daisy:** I watched the clock the whole day. Like a crazy person. Billy had left around noon and by three I was crawling out of my skin. Would he go through with it? Would Camila? Would she change his mind? Would she even want to? Would he see Graham? I tried to just zen out and listen to some Joni, but it was a lot. So I called Karen.  
  
 **Karen:** I don’t think Daisy, or anyone for that matter, realized how I spent my time away from the band. If we weren’t rehearsing, I was at my place in the valley just...vibing out. I’d get stoned or play music. It was great. But yeah, it could get lonely. I loved when Daisy would call. There was weird space between Camila and I in those days. But Daisy always felt comfortable. She called and told me, I’ll never forget it, “Get your bathing suit on and get over here and keep me from losing my shit. I’ll even let you drink.” Their house was dry, obviously, so I never pushed it. But it wasn’t always the most fun. [she laughs]  
  
 **Daisy:** I hugged her so hard when she got to the door. And true to form she was in a bikini with this gorgeous blue sarong and carrying a bottle of champagne.  
  
 **Karen:** I told her she could change her mind and I’d drop the booze right there. She was glowing. She had this barely there white bikini on and this barely there little baby bump. Her ponytail up and earrings on. No shoes, of course. It was like her uniform. She just smiled and said she was sure and it made me so happy for her. Because I think she really was sure.  
  
 **Daisy:** I was not sure. I wanted a drink so bad. My hands had been shaking since he left and I did want so badly to just have one glass to take the edge off. But I also remembered how good it felt to be able to say no. I just hoped that Billy would be home soon and that floating in the pool with Karen would keep me off the ledge until he was.

 **Billy:** When I got home they were playing Joni Mitchell's Blue in the backyard and I heard it before I even stopped the car. Now I know you know good music, and I know you know Joni Mitchell. You don't interrupt two women laying in a pool listening to Joni Mitchell's Blue. I washed my hands and put some stuff away I had brought back. Before I picked up Camila I had stopped at this little shop not far from the house and picked up this...what do you call them...you know...they hang from the ceiling...

 **Julia:** A mobile.

 **Billy:** That's it. So she had been eyeing this one that some artist had made. You know, when you were a baby you had one. I remember it so clearly because we would just lay and fall asleep at night and I would stare at it: it was pink of course and it had ponies and teddy bears and...

 **Julia:** It played this horrible version of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. The twins had it, too.

 **Billy:** God, it was horrible wasn't it. [We laugh] It was like the motor was dead before we even bought it. Anyway, Daisy had found this thing and I don't even know if it was meant for a nursery but she loved it. It had all these colors and this long string and it floated when it spun. It was cool. I mean as cool as something like that could be. So I was gonna surprise her with it and hang it before she even knew I was home.

 **Daisy:** I left Karen in the pool and went in to grab some tea and I saw your dad's car parked out front. My heart dropped a little because I wondered how long he had been home and not come to see me. Then I heard him swearing from down the hall.

 **Billy:** If that thing had't been so important to her I would have torn it up and thrown it out, it was a total bitch to figure out how to hang. And I was pretty handy.

 **Daisy:** I came down the hall and peeked at him from outside the room. He was balancing on this chair and I saw it. This gorgeous macrame wallhanging I had been eyeing for weeks. I didn't have the heart to tell him it went on the wall and didn't hang from the ceiling. I never did. I left it right where it was. And it was perfect. I loved that he wanted that room to be as special as I did. And the fact that it wasn't perfect? Well, it suited us.

_**___________________________________** _

_**1979** _

_**"Billy Dunne, interior decorator. Someone call Rolling Stone." Daisy purred at him from the door, and he turned so fast he almost lost his footing. He shot her a look before hopping off the chair.** _

_**"Surprise." He opened his arms, proud of his work, as she moved across the room and pushed into him. He closed his arms around her and inhaled the smell of her sweet lavender hair mixed with chlorine.** _

_**"Where's Karen? I saw the car..." He asked as he kissed her forehead.** _

_**"In the pool..."** _

_**Billy's hands were already pulling at the strings that secured her bikini bottom around her hips.** _

_**"Think she will stay there?" he asked as he buried his head in her neck. He pulled the wet fabric of her swim bottoms free from her.** _

_**"She has champagne and Joni Mitchell. She will be fine." Billy's head popped up to face her.** _

_**"Champagne.....Daisy..."** _

_**"I'm fine, dad. Really. I'm ok."** _

_**She smiled and eased him, running her fingertips over the tops of his collarbones and feeling his heart beneath them.** _

_**"Are you ok? Everything...ok?"** _

_**Billy inhaled deeply and returned her smile.** _

_**"My hand hurts from fucking with that thing...but other than that...everything is ok. It's all ok, baby."** _

_**Daisy kissed his hand and he was gently pushing her back against the wall. They could still hear the music floating into the house from the backyard and Billy was confident he would hear if Karen came inside. Daisy's back hit the wall softly and Billy dropped to his knees in front of her. He traced kisses slowly down her belly, reveling in it's roundness, holding it gently in his hands. She moaned under his touch and mouth and whispered his name to him. He buried his face between her thighs and she spread them just enough to give him access to her. She reached her arms around the back of his head and held him there gently, slightly rocking her hips towards the ceiling. Billy let his tongue move through her thick curls and into her pussy as he kissed and sucked along the tender flesh between her legs. She was already wet from the pool but soon he could taste her own sweetness mingling with it and he growled into her. He pushed his tongue into her body as his nose brushed against her and sent a wave through her legs. Her pregnancy had made every inch of her skin so much more reactive to his touch and it never took much for him to get her to come because he had learned exactly what she liked. So he knew when to tease her...how to finger her slowly but not touch her clit until he had made her agonize over it...but he also knew what to do to bring her over the edge when they were sneaking in something quick - which they had become experts at.** _

_**Billy pulled her tiny button into his teeth and sucked hard as he slipped two fingers into her slick entrance. She hissed and humped at him, grabbing his head with one hand and the wall with the other as A Case Of You filled her ears and he filled her body. She came in several long, jolting waves and he held her hips to steady her and keep her on her feet. she ran his tongue over her opening once her clit became too sensitive for him and lapped at the cream that slowly oozed from her wanting body. She finally had to push his head from her to keep from screaming. He rocked back onto his feet and gently wiped her juices from his chin as he watched her clamp her hand between her thighs and ride it out. She was still coming down from him as he reached for her bottoms and stood in front of her. He kissed her deeply and she had come to love her taste in this mouth.** _

_**"Feel ok?" he asked her, winded.** _

_**"Feel ok.." she managed as he went about tying her bathing suit back around her hips, "I owe you..."** _

_**Billy kissed her cheek gently.** _

_**"Come swim with us?" she asked as she caught him catching a yawn.** _

_**"I'll leave you three women to it. It's been...I think I might go lay down. If that's ok with you." Billy Dunne rarely asked for a break. He worked himself sick before he could admit he was tired. She knew that better than anyone. But she knew he was carrying the weight of the world and she wasn't going to keep him from resting under it.** _

_**"Did you see Graham?" she asked nervously and watched as his face changed. He inhaled deeply and she saw him squeeze his broken hand into a fist, almost like he wanted it to hurt.** _

_**"No. I don't know that I'll be seeing much of Graham at all anymore. I'm gonna go lie down."** _

_**Daisy watched him walk to their room and close the door. Maybe it was Karen being there. Combined with everything else. But it dawned on her that Billy's girls would always have his heart. And that could be hard. But it turned out that...Billy's brother...was the one who could really break it.** _


	24. Chapter 24

**Daisy** : Growing up, I never really cared about Christmas. I wasn’t religious, and my parents never really knew I existed, so they never did any of the fun Christmassy things with me. I have no pictures with Santa, except for the one candid one that someone randomly took with a polaroid when I wandered downstairs during one of their parties. That Santa was drunk though. Go figure. I only ever baked cookies one time with my Nanny, and then one time as an adult with Simone, but those were…special cookies. [laughs] But I always wanted to do all of the fun things I saw on movies. Most years I felt like I was living in the movie “It’s a Wonderful Life” though, just without the angel that fixed everything. I was invisible, drunk, and no one cared if I existed or not, and that was fine with me. But sometimes, every once in a while, I would lay in bed and dream about what I would do if I ever became a mom. [pauses in thought] I would let my kids decorate their own tree, and I would help them bake cookies for Santa, then stay up late after they went to bed and wrap presents while I ate those cookies and left the crumbs for them to find in the morning. I would play Christmas music all night, and of course, hang mistletoe everywhere. But I never thought I would ever get to do any of those things. Your dad gave that to me. So did you girls! 

  
**Billy** : I never cared about Christmas until I had kids. Before that, it was a lot easier not to. Growing up, we didn’t have much money. There was a year or two where our mom managed to get Graham and I one thing to share, which was usually from a thrift store, but it was what it was. Graham really loved Christmas. His face would light up every year when our mom would drive us around to look at lights. That was cool. And cheap. So I guess, I did look forward to that every year.

  
 **Camila** : Christmas was always a big thing in our family. Coming from such a big Latin family…it was a big deal. You know! That whole week leading up to Christmas… is a big deal. Christmas baking, making tamales on Christmas eve before Mass, music all day nonstop, shopping, Christmas tree picking, Christmas light watching…and the movies. You really loved a Charlie Brown Christmas. Your sisters did too so that thing was on all the time. 

  
**Julia** : I can still smell Papa’s pipe that he would smoke on the porch while Grandma and my Tias were singing “Feliz Navidad” at the top of their lungs and baking the pan dulce. It was always a party. I can picture dad’s face trying to take it all in too. It was a lot for him, wasn’t it?

  
 **Camila:** It was. Especially when your Tios would bring out the eggnog and other…beverages. But he was a trooper and your Grandma and Papa loved your dad. They still do. Although they never loved the fact that he wore denim to Mass. [laughs] But I told them to be thankful that Billy Dunne was even going to Mass in the first place.

  
 **Graham** : I loved Christmas. It has always been my favorite holiday. Even when we were broke, it was still the best. And the winters in Pitt as a kid…can’t beat it. Billy had found this old sled in a dumpster one time and he brought it home. That thing didn’t steer worth a damn, but we didn’t care. We would pile up on it and fly down the huge hill behind our elementary school. Over and over again, and the only brake we had was falling over into the snow before we hit a tree. It was the best. Your dad always made Christmas special. Even if he didn’t know it. It was the one time of year that our mom would splurge and get us pizza. It was such a cool thing to look forward to, and Billy…he always gave me the last slice. [Tears fill his eyes] I looked forward to that every Christmas. 

  
**Daisy** : I was determined to have the best Christmas ever with you girls. It was my first Christmas with little ones in the house, and I had just started feeling the baby move around in me too, which was next level cool. I wanted to have you girls all week, but I knew that wasn’t realistic. Your mom though…she was amazing. She spilt that week with us fifty-fifty. She dropped you off Sunday night, picked you up Monday night, brought you back Tuesday night and so on. She wanted your dad to be able to enjoy the holidays with the three of you as much as possible, and it was the best thing in the world seeing your little faces light up when you would come to our house and see the new thing that your dad had done. He went all out. He put lights everywhere outside. And inside. I told him that he had to be careful or else he would shut down LA’s power grid! I’m pretty sure Clark Griswold in Christmas Vacation was based on your dad when it came to Christmas lights. But it was perfectly magical.

  
 **Julia** : I remember that! I thought that we were living in a Christmas tree.   
  
  
**Camila** : I really wished that Billy and Graham weren’t staying away from each other, because it would have been a lot nicer and easier if we could have done more things as one family. And normally, I would have called them out on their shit. But this was…this was different. There was a lot of pain between them and I didn’t want anything I said or did to drive them further apart, even if it was by accident. So, I didn’t push. But I think that Graham was feeling competitive because every time you came home and talked about “the magic Christmas lights that daddy and Daisy Jones had on their house”, he went out and bought more lights himself. He was also determined to give you a taste of snow because that was all you had been asking for for weeks; “Mommy, when is it going to snow? Can it snow now?”. All day! So…that’s when he bought a woodchipper and contacted an iceman, which by the way, who the hell knows an iceman? But he did and he called him, and that man bought five hundred pounds of ice. He had turned our garage into an icebox to store it, and he couldn’t wait to make snow for you girls on Christmas. He even bought you a sled and built some wood ramps to cover with snow as like a makeshift hill. After a while, I couldn’t tell if he was doing this for you girls or himself, but it was bringing him a lot of joy. 

  
**Julia** : I loved that sled.

  
 **Graham** : And that one could steer AND brake. You’re welcome. [Laughs and winks]

  
 **Daisy** : It was Thursday night, the day before Christmas eve, and we had you girls because you were going to be with your mom and Graham for Christmas eve and Christmas morning, then we were going to come get you that afternoon. We were going to wait to do presents on Christmas night, but your dad couldn’t wait. He was too excited, so I told him you could all open two each. Our family room was full of presents. As far as the eye could see. Billy and I had gone shopping for you girls, and we had put a limit on how much we were going to spend. But when we got to the stores… forget it. We were goners. He agreed to two that night, and he let the twins open theirs first because he was so excited for yours and knew that the girls would probably prefer the boxes over any toys. Which they did. [laughs] But he had gotten them each a baby harmonica and a baby doll that looked just like them. They loved those harmonicas! You were so sweet and patient as you waited for them to open their presents, never rushing them and genuinely celebrating with them when they got excited. Then it was your turn and your dad was beaming.

 **  
Julia** : I remember this. I still have them, by the way…

____________

**December 23rd, 1979**

  
_**“Me next! Me next!” Julia was jumping up and down on the couch as Billy brought out two presents, one by one, laying them in front of his excited daughter.** _   
_**  
“Here you go! Merry Christmas!” Billy held his arms out to the gifts and Julia began tearing into one of them.** _

_**“Oh my goodness Daddy! It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen!!!” Julia screamed as she unwrapped a mini, custom made, built to size, real pink piano.** _

_**Billy wrapped an arm around Daisy who was holding her stomach, smiling at Julia as she looked up at Billy and noticed tears gathering in the corners of his eyes. She squeezed him tight.** _

_**Julia sat down to play, and Billy said, “Don’t you want to open up your second one too?”** _

_**Julia stood up and exclaimed, “Oh yeah, I forgot!”** _

_**Daisy picked up the long box off of the couch and handed it to her, looking at Billy as she smiled wide.** _

_**“AHHHHH!!! Now I can be just like you, Daisy Jones!” Julia screamed as she pulled out a real microphone that had “Julia” written on it in pink rhinestones. It was silver and shiny and everything a little girl could ever dream of.** _

_**Julia took her mic over to the piano and laid the microphone on top as she began to plunk at the keys, with no semblance of a song coming out. She continued to hit the keys as she leaned her face into her microphone and started singing,** _

_**“** It's covering Christmas…_   
_They're carry down trees…_   
_They're putting top reindeer…_   
_And singing songs of joy and peas **…”**_

_**  
Billy looked at Daisy questioningly and Daisy covered her mouth to hide her laugh.** _

_**“She’s singing “River” by Joni Mitchell. Or, at least trying to. I play that record all the time, you know that, and she always says that song sounds like Christmas. Please never tell her that those aren’t the lyrics.”  
Her eyes were shining bright as tears made them glassy, and Billy leaned down to kiss the top of her head.** _

_**“I wouldn’t dream of it.”** _

_**The twins began blowing into their baby harmonicas and Billy spoke through a laugh and said, “Well now I know where to find our next band!”** _

_______

 **Daisy** : That night was magical. We told you that we could still bake cookies for Santa at our house, even though you wouldn't be there on Christmas eve, and we would put them out for you so that he would make sure to come to our house and leave more presents. That was probably some of the most fun I’ve ever had. Flour was everywhere, your sisters were taking fistfuls of sugar and eating it, getting slobber and drool everywhere, and your dad kept sneaking batter before we could roll it into actual cookies. That was one of the only times I saw you get mad at your dad when you were little. You had the cutest little huff and you would yell, “Daddddy! Stop! I’m making that.” And he would always shrink and make a funny face and say sorry, and you would just end up in a fit of giggles. It was better than I could have ever dreamed it could be.

  
 **Julia** : I still love making reindeer cookies with you. Every year. And flour still goes everywhere. [Julia smiles]

  
 **  
Daisy** : And your dad still sneaks the cookie dough. [laughs]

  
 **Camila** : I thought it would be harder to be away from you girls those days that I didn’t have you, then it turned out to be. I don’t mean that it wasn’t hard or that I didn’t miss you, but my life has always revolved around my children’s happiness, and I knew that going to the big pink Daisy Jones house, especially with magic lights and your daddy, made you the happiest. So that made me happy. And it helped that I wasn’t alone. Graham was there now, and that made everything easier, and a lot more fun.

  
 **Graham** : It was the night before Christmas eve, and you were at your dad’s, and I hadn’t done any Christmas shopping of my own yet. So, I told your mom that I had some errands to run, and I drove to the fairly new mall they had built in Culver City. I didn’t know where to start, but shopping for you girls ended up being really easy and I was loving it. That’s when I bought your sled. Then I focused on your mom. I had known her for so long, yet I was learning her in a whole new way now, and I wasn’t just the pesky guy who could get her a nice box of chocolates and call it a day. And I didn’t want that anyway. So, I bought her a beautiful cashmere sweater that I knew would pop against her skin and hair, but that was probably way too hot for California. Then I bought her some perfume that I had noticed she was running low on, a book by her favorite author that had just come out, and a VHS copy of “Meet Me in St. Louis” because I remembered her saying that that was her favorite movie as a teenager. Then I got a box of chocolates because…tradition. I was wrapping up and getting ready to head home when I noticed a jewelry store in my peripheral. They had a beautiful display of diamond necklaces and earrings in their window, and I was drawn to it. I didn’t expect to run into someone while I was there though…

___________

**1979**

  
_**“Graham?”** _

_**“Karen?”  
  
Graham stopped suddenly, frozen in place as he turned from the jeweler who had been helping him and showing him different things, and saw Karen staring back at him. Her arms full of bags.** _   
_**  
  
“What are you doing here?” He asked nervously.** _

  
_**“Nice to see you too, Graham. I wanted to get my mom a necklace for Christmas. What are you doing here?” She looked behind him right as the jeweler said, “Shall I wrap this up for you, sir?”** _

_**Graham winced and pinched his eyes closed as he said, “Yes…please.”** _

_**He opened his eyes to look at Karen, who had a mix of confusion, pain and anger on her face.** _

_**“Wow…” Karen turned to storm out and Graham turned to the jeweler, holding up one finger and saying, “Just a minute, I’ll be right back” as he ran after Karen.** _

  
_**“Karen! Wait!” Graham ran to catch up with her. She was walking impressively fast and he was winded when he finally caught up to her.** _

_**“What.” She refused to look at him, but she stopped.** _

_**“It’s good to see you.”** _

_**She finally turned to look at him and rolled her eyes.** _

  
_**“It’s good to see me? You haven’t talked to me since you told me about Daisy being pregnant, which was a real dick move by the way, and now you want to say it’s nice to see me? Spare me.”** _

_**She began walking again but he moved in front of her, blocking her from continuing.** _

_**“Karen. Look, I’m sorry. That was a real dick move, and I’m sorry that I sort of just…dropped off. But…that night... killed me. I needed space. It…it was too hard to see you all the time. But I missed you. Of course I missed you.” His eyes were searching her face, looking for any sign of forgiveness or hope of a restored friendship.** _

  
_**Karen looked behind him to the jewelry store.** _

_**“It doesn’t really look like you missed me, Graham. Camila, right?” Her voice was sharp and accusatory.** _

  
_**Graham’s face fell as his shoulders slumped. He swallowed hard; his mouth extremely dry.** _

_**  
“How did you know?” He whispered as he looked away.** _

_**  
Karen scoffed.** _

  
_**“It’s not that hard to figure out, Graham. I haven’t talked to you in months, and Camila has been weird with me lately too. I’ve barely seen her, and…I’m guessing you weren’t buying something for your mom in there. You know, since she’s not around.”** _

_**Graham winced and Karen immediately felt bad.** _

_**“I’m sorry. That…that was unnecessary.” She sighed as she moved closer to him, and he instinctually held his arms out to her.  
  
She stepped into him and they hugged for longer than they should have. They felt each other’s shoulders shake with the tears they were silently letting fall onto the other.  
  
They pulled away from each other and Graham sniffed his tears away as Karen wiped her eyes.** _

_**“Do you love her?” Karen asked him sincerely.** _

_**Graham nodded as he put his hands on his hips and let out a long breath.** _

_**Karen let a few more tears fall at his admission, then she touched his arm gently.** _

  
_**“Then... I’m happy for you. I hope she gives you everything you always wanted and that I…never did.”** _

  
_**He put his hand over hers on his arm and squeezed it gently.** _

_**She pulled her hand off of him and picked up the rest of her bags.** _

_**  
“Goodbye, Graham.” She whispered as she slowly turned and started walking away from him.** _

  
_**“Karen?!” Graham called out to her, stopping her in her tracks.** _

_**“Can we meet up for coffee or something sometime? I would still like to be friends…”** _

_**She gave him a sad smile as she shook her head no.** _

_**“No. I don’t think that’s a good idea. This has to end right here. All of it. There’s just too much…too much baggage and pain between us. I don’t think we could do the friend thing now. I’m sorry.”** _

_**She turned and walked away quickly, leaving him standing there, watching her. He grabbed his chest with his hand, feeling his heart break just a little bit, but something caught his eye. The beaded bracelet on his wrist that Julia had made him. It was gaudy and bulky, not to mention neon pink and green, but it made him smile.  
  
Karen was his past.  
  
But he was ready to focus on his future.  
  
He turned around and marched back into the jewelry store.** _

________

 **Camila** : I remember when Graham got home after shopping, he walked in the house, dropped his bags as he walked and he came straight to me, grabbing my face and kissing me deeply, like he couldn’t get enough. I was like “well hello to you too. Good shopping trip?” and he nodded before he kissed me again. He scooped me up and began carrying me upstairs…

  
 **Julia** : Is this story necessary?

  
 **Camila** : Jules…[pauses] You know it is.

  
 **Julia** : Oh. Wow. Yeah, ok. 

________

**1979**   
_**  
  
“What are you doing?” Camila was holding on tight to Graham’s neck, giggling as he carried her upstairs to their bedroom, laying her down gently on the bed.** _

_**“Wait here!” Graham held up a finger before turning and running back down the stairs.** _

_**He ran into the kitchen and pulled out some eggnog from the refrigerator, and a bottle of brandy that he had just picked up while he was out. They kept the eggnog clean so that Billy and Daisy…well Daisy right now…didn’t have to worry about it if they stopped in when they dropped off the girls. Billy hadn’t come in in a long time, but Daisy always made sure to. That’s when she would see the eggnog and get excited, so Camila was always conscious of that.** _

_**Graham pulled out two scotch glasses from above the refrigerator and poured some brandy in them before adding in the eggnog. He put the glasses on a tray, then went to pull some pastries he had also just gotten, out of a bag to add to the tray.** _

_**He carried it upstairs quickly and carefully, but almost dropped it as he rounded the corner to the bedroom and saw Camila in a red lacy bra and green lacy panties. She was also wearing a Santa hat and looked ridiculously sexy. She was stretched out on the bed but sat up instantly at the sight of the tray.** _

_**“Eggnog! Please tell me you put alcohol in this?” She asked as she watched him set it down on his nightstand. Her eyes fell on the pastries and her face lit up like a Christmas tree. She squealed like Julia had when she saw her piano and exclaimed, “Pan dulce! Baby! You got this for me?”** _

_**She grabbed one before touching the side of his face.** _

_**He smiled and said, “I know you can’t be home this year and that your mom and sisters always make this so…I got the next best thing. I don’t think they understood a word I was saying in there, but I grabbed some sugar off of the shelf and a loaf of bread and they started laughing at me, but they got it. They brought out a whole tray and asked me which one I wanted, and I told them the whole tray. They liked me then.”** _

_**Camila laughed as she rubbed his cheek with her thumb.** _

_**“We need to teach you some Spanish, Baby.” She winked at him before getting serious again.** _

_**“How are you so good to me?” Her eyes were full of love for him and her heart was overflowing.** _

_**“You’re my girl, Cam. I would do anything for you.” He turned to kiss her palm and she took a bite of pastry, moaning in delight.** _

_**“Ohh, God…so good.”** _

_**She continued her moans and he grabbed the pastry out of her hand, throwing it across the room.** _

_**“Ok, you can’t be moaning like that every time you eat a pastry or else we will be having sex nonstop.”** _

_**Camila licked her lips and wiped the corner of her mouth as she said, “And that would be a bad thing?”** _

_**He growled at that and flung himself onto the bed, hovering over her as she laughed and scooched up the bed so that her back was against the headboard.** _

_**She grabbed his face and kissed him, begging for him to let her tongue explore him. He eagerly accepted and began exploring her mouth as well, tasting the sweet sugar from her tongue, on her breath.** _

_**Camila pulled away, reaching behind her to unhook her bra.** _

_**It came off in one swift movement and she tossed it onto Graham’s head, laughing at the sight of his eyes disappearing behind the cup.** _

  
_**“Oh, you’re gonna get it now.” He laughed as he took the bra off of his face. His eyes were playful, even though they were full of lust.** _

_**  
“Well come and get it then…” Camila purred as she pulled at his shirt, causing him to sit up and take it off.** _

_**He looked at her, and so many things snapped into place for him. He rolled off the bed and stood up as Camila gave him a playful pout.** _

_**  
“Where are you going nowww?” She asked as she let her knees fall open, causing him so groan.** _

_**“I have to go get something. Just…don’t…don’t move!”** _

_**He ran downstairs two at a time, running to the collection of bags he had on the floor, rifling through them until he found the small black one from the Jeweler. He pulled out the small velvet box and tucked it into his back pocket, stopping for a moment to smile to himself, before bounding back up the stairs.** _

_**When he entered the room, Camila had already taken off her panties and straightened her Santa hat, swinging her panties around her index finger.** _

_**“Hey big boy, have you been naughty? Or nice…” She purred at him and he just started laughing. Full on, deep in his bones, belly laughing.** _

_**Camila dropped her panties and sat back on her heels, laughing with him.** _

_**“I know! That was total cringe, wasn’t it?” Her face was turning red as she buried it in her hands.** _

_**“Yeah…kind of.” Graham was still laughing, slowly trying to calm himself.** _

_**“But it was also sexy as hell, Camila Dunne.” He smiled at her and she felt her heart start to race.** _

_**“Get over here! Pleaaase.” She held her hand out to him and he shook his head, smirking at her.** _

_**“Not yet, miss antsy pants.”** _

_**  
He walked over to her, standing in front of her, his hands behind his back.** _

_**“I have an early Christmas present for you…Iffff you want it…” He teased her and her eyes got wide.** _

_**“Oohh, what is it? I want it!” She looked so innocent and beautiful in the glow of the Christmas lights they had strung up around their room.** _

_**Graham jokingly looked like he was considering whether or not he should give it to her before saying, “Mmm, ok. It is Christmas after all.”** _

_**She scooched back so that she could pull her legs out from under her, dangling them over the bed.** _

_**Graham reached in his back pocket and grabbed the box, holding it behind his back as he began to speak.** _

_**“Camila…I love you. I am so madly in love with you, that it hurts sometimes when I think about it…”** _

_**Camila bit her lip, realizing that this was a serious moment, and her eyes filled with tears as he continued.** _

_**“…I have known you for…God…too many years to count. I have seen a lot of the good, the bad, and the ugly in your life, and you have seen it all in mine too. We’ve made some crazy memories in the past and walked in the trenches with each other when we didn’t know which way was up. I love your girls more than just as my nieces. I love them like they are my own flesh and blood because in a way, they are. These past few months have only confirmed what my heart has always known. You are the one that I want to spend the rest of my life with. Come hell or high water, I want to love you through it all. You are my everything, and I never could have ever wished or dreamed I would be this lucky in life to end up with the most perfect woman. You are so fucking strong, and wise, and funny, beautiful, sexy as all get out, and one hell of a mama bear. I love you more today than I did yesterday, and I’ll love you more tomorrow than I do today. So… Camila Dunne… will you marry me?”** _

_**He bent down on one knee and pulled the ring box around to the front of her, opening it and revealing a beautiful cluster of diamonds. One solitaire in the middle, and two on each side of it.** _

_**She laughed through her tears, gasping at the beautiful ring in front of her.** _

_**“Oh my God…It’s us.” She whispered as she looked at the ring, noticing the number of diamonds.** _

_**Graham smiled.** _

_**“Yeah, you’re in the middle, and me and the girls are on either side of you. Together ‘til the end. At least…I hope.” He bit his lip as he searched her eyes for any sign of an answer.** _

_**She pulled the ring out of the box and looked at it, tears streaming down her face.** _

_**“Camila…is that… is that a yes?”** _

_**She looked at him and snapped out of her trance.** _

_**“Oh my God, yes! Yes Baby, yes. Always and forever.”** _

_**He took the ring out of her hand and slipped it on her finger, kissing her hand after before he wrapped his arms around her waist, his face buried in her stomach, just holding her as he felt his own emotions rising.** _

_**She took his face in her hands, kissing his lips, and then she whispered, “Now can we have sex…Fiancé?”** _

_**He stood up and pushed her back on the bed, climbing on top of her as he began to kiss her all over, working his way down her body.** _

_**She was so wet and ready for him and he knew that.** _

_**As he kissed her, he reached between them, grabbing her center in his palm and pressing the heel of his hand into her clit as he inserted two fingers into her.** _

_**She grabbed his hair, their bodies writhing against each other.** _

_**She cried out as he inserted a third finger, and she began humping his hand as he picked up his pace.** _

_**“Yeah…ohh...yess…mHmmm…Oh God…”** _

_**Their breathing was in sync and their bodies were connected like they were two magnets.** _

_**Graham moved his free hand lower as he continued kissing Camila and pumping her with one hand, using his other to start kneading her breast.** _

_**“Ahhh…that feels…amazing…” Camila was panting, but Graham stopped suddenly, causing her eyes to shoot open, and her to growl in frustration.** _

_**“Baby, you gotta stop doing this to me. I was so close!”** _

_**Graham sat up, a worried expression on his face as he continued to knead her breast. There was nothing sexy about it at all. It was almost…medical.** _

_**She rolled her eyes and got a pouty smile on her face as she said, “Babe. I know you like my boobs, but there’s a whole canvas to explore here. Don’t leave me hanging!” She ran her foot up his body, revealing her dripping center to him.** _

_**He furrowed his brow as he said, “Has this bump always been there?”** _

_**Camila’s face dropped.** _

_**“What? What are you talking about?”** _

_**Graham continued to knead her breast as she sat up.** _

_**“Yeah, this…right here. Have you ever felt this before? Because I haven’t…”** _

_**His face was slowly turning white as Camila grabbed her breast in the spot Graham had just had his hand.** _

_**She kneaded it herself, then grabbed her other one.** _

_**Her face relaxed in relief.** _

_**“Ok, whew. We’re ok. I have one over here too. It’s probably just a clogged milk duct or something from when the twins were breast feeding. It happens. I’m fine!”** _

_**Graham’s face loosened up and he exhaled, feeling Camila’s other breast as he started to laugh.** _

_**“That really scared me.”** _

_**Camila brushed some hair off of his forehead as she said, “I’m fine. I promise. Now can we please continue what we were doing?” She winked at him as he leaned in to continue kissing her neck, but as he did, her mind began to race with thoughts of what could happen if it wasn’t just a clogged milk duct.** _

_**And she was scared.** _


	25. Chapter 25

**Elaine Chang (Author of Daisy Jones: Wildflower):** In the days that followed Christmas, Billy and Daisy spent long days just the two of them finally putting some finishing touches on the album. Daisy was finally feeling a little more herself and Billy’s hand had healed enough that he could at least hold a bar chord or play piano with a heavy left hand. Karen Sirko had invited them, along with the rest of the band, to her place in the valley for New Year’s Eve and they spent lots of long hours talking about how they felt about going to what they knew would be a party inevitably filled with sex, drugs and rock and roll. While they were both on healthy roads to recovery...it was still an effort day to day to stay sober. And they had successfully managed to insulate themselves from the scene while working on a record. But they both knew that LA was still out there waiting for them. And that a tour and shows and putting that album out there for the public would thrust them back into a world they had never navigated together sober.  
  
Billy had Karen laid down a good chunk of the piano on Circles, since he couldn’t play for several weeks (and with the promise that Graham Dunne would not be in attendance.) Karen had also sat in on several studio albums and played some solo shows at The Troubadour. She was still very much the queen of the scene. While Daisy settled into a more domestic lifestyle, a part of her missed the life that Karen has chosen. As the two women grew closer, they spoke often about the choices that they had made. Daisy later admitted that while she had been over the moon excited to finally entertain the idea of motherhood, she worried that it would come between her and Billy. She grappled with that as Karen would often wonder what her life would have looked like had she seen things through with Graham Dunne. It was Daisy Jones who encouraged her to get into therapy and meditation. It was the reason that Daisy convinced Billy Dunne to attend Karen’s party, New Year’s Eve 1980.  
  
 **Daisy:** Getting close to Karen again was the silver lining of Billy and Graham deciding not to speak. [she pauses] Scratch that. I don’t think they decided not to speak. I think they were both so stubborn and neither of them knew how to fix anything anymore so they decided to give up. Better?  
  
 **Julia:** Better. Although from what I’m gathering from everyone I think it was Graham.  
  
 **Daisy:** Take three. [We laugh] Graham was not speaking to Billy. Full stop. Having Karen around was great for me. We talked about everything. And you know how I told you there was this quieting of women that was starting to happen? Not with Karen. That witch spoke her mind about everything. She’d float in the pool naked sometimes. Made Billy super uncomfortable. But she was on the front lines of the growing feminism movement and I loved it. She also helped me keep my finger on the scene without...being in the scene. And she respected Billy and I enough to never make it uneasy. We had talked about the party for weeks. She told me she wouldn’t even have it if I felt like it was too much. I told her there was no way we were missing that party. And we didn’t.  
  
 **Billy:** I didn’t want to go. I loved Karen. But Karen made me nervous, too. There were parts of her and her lifestyle I knew Daisy missed. I had that, too, with Warren or Pete. But I stopped really hanging out with them when I cleaned up. I had to. Daisy and Karen it was the opposite. It brought them closer.There was always a lot I didn't get about Daisy Jones. That was probably the biggest one for me. If it was a struggle for her, she hid it a lot better than I did.

 **Daisy:** I struggled every day. I never told your dad because he was on me like a hawk. I was afraid he would move me to a private island and keep me in a tower to save me from myself. [She laughs] And I didn't want to be his problem. I wanted to be his partner. Not his problem.

 **Julia:** Do you think he learned how to treat you from Camila?

 **Daisy:** Absolutely. And he was wonderful. Like she was to him. But it drove them apart. I couldn't sit back and watch that happen again. Even if it meant he had to let me suffer a little.

 **Julia** : Did you think Daisy could stay sober?

 **Billy** : Did she put you up to this? [he pauses] When she was pregnant, being a mom was her addiction. She thrived on it. She got high off of it. And she was beautiful when she was pregnant. I mean, even when she felt like shit.

 **Julia:** You didn't answer my question. Did you think she could stay sober?

 **Billy:** [long pause] I thought as long as she could stay pregnant, she could stay sober.

 **Karen:** I was glad they had decided to come. I knew Billy would be a tough sell, but I knew if Daisy wanted to come...there was no way he would let her come alone. And I didn't blame him. They had really worked it out, the two of them. It's so funny now to think back on how much they hated each other. I mean, I always knew. You could tell it was just the insulated layer of protection for Billy. It was easier to hate her than to uproot his whole life. But once he decided to just do it, it was so freeing for both of them.

 **Julia:** Were you surprised it didn't happen sooner?

 **Karen:** No. And I was glad. Cause Aurora would have been a shit album if it was all syrupy ballads about how much they loved each other. There was still some pain there, but it wasn't between them anymore. It was all around them. Mostly. [She pauses] It was nice to get to know Billy, not just as Graham's older brother and not just as the brooding front man we all loved to hate. To really get to know him. You haven't lived till you have seen Billy Dunne do a Mick Jagger impression while standing on a kitchen island. And doing it stone cold sober. He's a good guy. I know you know.

 **Julia:** I know. And I have seen it. And it's awful. [We laugh]

________________________________________

_**New Years Eve, 1979**_

**_Daisy paced in the dressing room that adjoined their bedroom. She had chosen a long black tube dress that still managed to fit over her growing bump, but suddenly hugged her in new places. She marveled at her body in the mirror, having spent most of her life with a stick straight figure that was all legs and arms, she suddenly rounded out in places and she loved it. She loaded her arms with bracelets and pulled her hair back into a ponytail, strategically leaving bits and pieces around her face and throwing in her signature gold hoops. She put makeup on the for the first time in weeks and reveled in the idea of getting ready to go to a party. Karen had promised her it would be intimate, but Daisy knew Karen better than that._ **

**_Billy appeared in the doorway, all sex in boots and jeans that probably couldn't have been any tighter, topped with a Rolling Stones t-shirt and a black blazer. His hair was perfectly messed as if he hadn't touched it, but Daisy smiled as she took him in - knowing he had probably worked for at least a half an hour to make himself look like he hadn't tried._ **

**_"Damn, mama, let's just stay home." Billy bit his lip as she twirled in her dress before moving to him. He pulled her into him and laughed as they both noticed they were slowly less able to get close. He looked down over her belly and back up at her._ **

**_"You're beautiful. You know that? I mean you're beautiful every day...but when you...God damn Daisy Jones. You're just...beautiful..."_ **

**_She felt her cheeks flush and leaned in to him. He pulled away suddenly._ **

**_"What??" she panicked as she saw his face go pale._ **

**_"Holy shit, Daisy. I almost forgot!" He moved from her and was looking around the dressing room for something, and then out into the bedroom...like the Scooby Doo gang searching for clues. Under the bed...in drawers...muttering to himself. She gradually felt the panic recede and be replaced by wonder._ **

**_"Oh no, Billy, what is it??" She played along._ **

**_"I just remembered, I had saved your big Christmas present. And I was going to give it to you tonight. Damn...." He was still mock searching the room, starting to smile, as he ran out into the living room and called for her._ **

**_"I found it! C'mere, woman!" He hollered to her from the main room and it echoed through the lofty mid-Century house._ **

**_Daisy strolled out of the bedroom and through the short hallway, playing with her fingers anxiously. A healthy mix of nerves and excitement. She knew from watching him parent his girls that Billy Dunne loved a good surprise. She hated them. But she was learning. When she saw his latest surprise, she screamed so loud it echoed from the rafters._ **

**_Simone Jackson was standing in her living room._ **

**_The two women crashed into each other, screaming and crying. While they had written often and spoke at least once a week...they had not seen each other since parting ways in Pittsburgh. And Simone had not seen her best friend pregnant. She held her belly and kissed her face as she cried._ **

**_"When did you get here??" Daisy finally managed. Simone laughed and looked at Billy, who glowed in the light reflecting off of them._ **

**_"Billy here made me hang out in the damn studio all day. I got into LAX around one. Warren brought me." They shared a laugh and continued to hug. Daisy was covering her eyes crying. Really crying._ **

**_"Girl, you are so pregnant." Daisy laughed through her tears. She finally broke from Simone and, still burying her face in her hands, walked to Billy who took her in his arms as he kissed the top of her head._ **

**_"Merry Christmas, baby. It's gonna be a great year."_ **

**_It wasn't long before Warren appeared from the studio, wafting in with the smell of pot and cigarettes through the back door slider._ **

**_"We doing this or what? At least one of us is hoping to get laid tonight."_ **

**________________________________________________________ **

**Daisy:** I hadn't realized how much I missed Simone until I saw her. And once I started crying I couldn't stop. I promised Warren I would just fix my face in the car. [pause] I was so grateful to Billy. He knew I needed her before I did. Before any of us did, really. But I also knew that he was going to let Simone take on some of the responsibility of...well...me. So he didn't have to be that guy. I respected that decision. I respected the hell out of it.

 **Billy:** She glowed all the time in those days, but Daisy and Simone were like two halves of a whole. The way she and I were. And seeing them together made me so damn happy. I drove and Warren sat in the front. The two of them held each other in the back seat. Daisy laid on her shoulder. They caught up. It was a good 45 minutes drive to Karen's. Warren kept turning the radio up and singing along as he drummed on the dash and I kept thinking, God damnit Rhodes, I'm trying to eavesdrop on my woman right now.

 **Simone:** We were so happy. I was so glad he had put it all together.

 **Warren** : We pulled up to Karen Karen's and it was like...yes. Here it is. We had to park two houses down, which is saying something in the Valley. You could hear the music from the back yard. It was this great space, lined with trees, she had some musicians jamming. Of course she had this amazing baby grand inside her place and you could hear someone playing it. Just...music everywhere. People everywhere. It was gonna be a good night.

 **Billy** : We pulled up and I was like...oh Jesus Christ, Karen.

 **Daisy** : Intimate, my ass. I took Simone's hand and Billy put his arm around me. He asked with his eyes if I was sure and I just winked. Warren took off ahead of us and that was the last I saw of him all night. [she laughs] We walked through the front door and Karen saw us immediately. She screamed. She was already half in the bag, which...I mean I guess it was already past ten o'clock so who am I to judge. But I remember thinking as she ran to us...man I miss that. I did. But I was under Billy's arm at a party in public for the first time. It was not lost on people.

 **Simone** : It was like that room stopped moving. People staring at the two of them. Whispering, tongues wagging. Eyes widening. Daisy and Billy were...a thing now. And, she was very obviously pregnant. Karen crushed into us with a massive group hug that lasts about five minutes. She kissed our faces and she smelled like a bar. I squeezed Daisy's hand. I knew it would be hard. We had talked pretty openly about her sobriety. I knew this was a hard one.

 **Billy** : Karen grabbed my hand and pulled me to the piano. "Born To Run" she was screaming. "Let's play Born To Run!" She sat down at her baby grand and, well, I guess we were performing some Springsteen all the sudden. It was different sober, but Springsteen is Springsteen. I glanced back at Daisy and made sure she was ok. She egged me on and cheered Simone kinda gave me this look of 'I got this' so I just...put on a little house concert with Karen. [he laughs]

 **Daisy** : Simone went to get us some waters. I knew she wouldn't drink either and I loved her for it. I sat and watched Billy. God, did I love watching him perform like that. Just sitting there, being himself, having a good time and singing the shit out of Thunder Road. He was really just learning who he was. We did a lot of that together, bout journaling, playing sober, working through things in his voice. God, could he sing.

...

And then I saw her. I literally couldn't believe it. Camila. She was there. standing by herself with a glass of champagne. Watching the two of them at the piano. And my first thought was...oh my God, where is Graham.

 **Camila** : I was in the kitchen with some other girls I had met through Karen over the years, but to say I was a fish out of water would be putting things lightly. Obviously I wouldn't have been able to convince Graham to go, but Karen had been through a lot. And done a lot for me. I needed to go. I wanted to go. Every single person I met asked if I was Billy Dunne's wife and I wanted to scream. But it wasn't exactly the place to tell them that the ring I was wearing was, in fact, from Graham Dunne. That would have shut them the fuck up! [she laughs] Sorry. I heard your dad singing and I smiled at the fact that it actually made me excited that he was there and not filled with dread. So I made my way in there. I didn't see Daisy at first, but I was so glad when I did. So, so glad.

 **Daisy** : I noticed Camila notice me and we shared a wave before she threaded through the room in my direction. I saw her put her glass down before she reached me. I stood up and we hugged. Something wasn't right. I assumed she felt as out of place as I currently did. But she whispered and asked if we could go somewhere to talk. I was glad to leave the crowd. Billy was in the middle of this giant crowd. I was glad he didn't see us leave. Simone noticed us walk out as she returned and I just nodded in Billy's direction and Simone just headed to the piano. [She smiles] Camila and I were just headed out the back door as I heard Simone start singing with him.

 **Camila** : We got outside and there were still people everywhere, but it was at least quiet.

______________________________________________

_**New Year's Eve, 1979**_

_**Daisy and Camila held hands and moved to a tall table in a corner of Karen's grotto.** _

_**"You look incredible." Daisy encouraged Camila, who did, recognizing that she was uncomfortable.** _

_**"God, you too. How are you feeling?" Camila smiled gently and tried to calm her mind.** _

**_"I feel like shit about half the time. But the past few days have been pretty great. You?" Daisy was still picking up some unease that she couldn't shake. Camila looked around slightly and then back to Daisy. She shrugged gently._ **

**_"Not great, you know? This time of year. I love it. But man it's a lot. I...can I ask you a question?" Camila's voice shook in a way it usually didn't._ **

**_"Of course.." Daisy braced herself for whatever it might be. Camila shook her head and laughed lightly._ **

**_"I can't believe I'm even saying this, but...have you...have you ever had a lump? Like...in your_ ** **_breast? Known anyone who has?"_ ** ****

**_Daisy's face fell and she moved closer to Camila._ **

**_"Camila, do you have a lump?" Daisy leaned in and lowered her voice, suddenly wishing she was anywhere but there._ **

**_"Yeah. I mean I am sure it's nothing. But I feel like it's gotten bigger. I know it's in my head right but..."_ **

**_"Wait...bigger? When did you notice it?" Daisy was trying to stay calm but it wasn't easy to rattle Camila Dunne. And she was rattled._ **

**_"About a week ago."_ **

**_"Shit, Camila! You should have said something. Have you seen your doctor?" Daisy took her hand and Camila's eyes glassed over. She just shook her head no. She didn't want to talk because she knew she would cry._ **

**_"I'm sorry Daisy. I know this is absolutely not the right time."_ **

**_Daisy grabbed her hand and was pulling her into the house, towards a bedroom. They found an empty room and stepped in. Daisy pulled the door closed shut behind them. Camila sat on the bed and started softly crying._ **

**_"Hey..." Daisy sat by her and took her hand, "it'll be ok. I'm glad you told me. You need to stop this superwoman thing. You're making the rest of us look bad, alright?You're allowed to lean on other people."_ **

**_Daisy was pulling a small book from her tiny clutch and she thumbed through it before grabbing the phone._ **

**_"What are you doing?" Camila wiped her face as she studied Daisy._ **

**_"I'm calling my doctor." Daisy didn't turn from the phone as she dialed._ **

**_"Daisy! It's the middle of the night. And a holiday. It'll be ok!"_ **

**_Daisy turned to her, cupping her hand over the receiver._ **

**_"Look. I am the world's most neurotic pregnant woman. I call him several times a week just to be told I am not losing my mind. We need to figure out what is going on so you can relax. That's all. You already have enough to worry about. Like that rock on your hand." Daisy smiled and winked at her as she turned back to the phone._ **

**_"Doctor Reid, hi. It's Daisy. I need a favor."_ **

**___________________________________________________________ **

**Daisy:** Camila was scared. She didn't want to say it but I could see it. She was so scared. And she came to me. Someone...no, not just someone...Camila Dunne came to me for help and I was not going to let her down. I had been on the phone with my doctor pretty much daily. I was so sure that everything I had put my body through meant I was a real risk and that poor man had to talk me down at all hours of the night. He was wonderful. He was British. He reminded me of Teddy. In such a good way. So I asked him when he could see Camila. And...he asked how soon I could get to the office.

 **Camila** : God bless Daisy Jones. Truly. Within an hour of me telling her we were in a damn doctor's office. It made me wish I had told her sooner and saved myself the week of snapping at Graham and Billy and the girls because all I could think about was this damn lump in my breast.

 **Simone** : Daisy pulled me aside and told me she had an emergency. To tell Billy she was tired and needed to just go home. He was still at the piano, taking requests and playing duets with Karen, so I figured he would be content at least for awhile. They took Camila's car. 

**Billy** : I was so caught up in just performing for someone again...I....I didn't even know they had left.

 **Daisy** : Dr. Reid was there when we arrived. In a sweatsuit and glasses. He was so warm. He could sense Camila's fear immediately and he took her by the arm and explained that he would just give her a quick look and make sure she was done by the ball drop. I asked her if she wanted me to come in. She took my hand and nodded yes. I squeezed it hard.

 **Camila** : He had this ultrasound wand. The same you'd use to check a pregnancy. Things were a little different back then. He laid me down and Daisy helped me pull the straps off of my dress. I had to laugh. The two of us looked like a million bucks and here we were in this dimly lit doctor's office ringing in the new year. I also kept thinking about your dad and how he would lose his mind if he knew where we were. I thought, I hope Karen knows that whole album. [She smiles]

 **Daisy** : Camila laid back and she was so thin I swear I saw her heartbeat through her chest, the bones there. I held her head and Dr. Reid lubed her up and ran that wand around. It...it took longer than I wanted it to. I wanted him to look, stop, tell her she was ok, send us home...and we were back to watch that damn ball drop.

 **Camila:** I knew. I already knew. It was taking awhile and he kept moving that wand over the same spot. He was quiet but I watched his face. At one point he asked some questions about the girls, about the weather. But I could read it on him that he was concerned. He asked when I first noticed it. If it hurt. If I had lost any weight. If I was tired. Hell, I was always tired. And everything hurt. And I couldn't eat. I was panicking.

 **Daisy** : He asked if she had plans the next day because he wanted to get her into the hospital where they could do a full scan and maybe biopsy some tissue to see what they were looking at. She was trying so hard not to cry. It broke my heart. I wanted to take that pain from her. That worry. He left the room to make a phone call.

 **Camila** : 'My girls.' That's all I could think to say when we were alone. I felt the tears rolling from my eyes and into my hair and I thought of your girls and I immediately jumped to worst case scenario. This was it for me. I was done.

 **Daisy** : I told her that you girls had the most incredible warrior of a mother and that no matter what happened she was going to get through it and we were all going to help her. Because she would. And we did. We had to. But I was so scared. I was so mad at myself for not telling Billy we left. I didn't know what to do. I had never taken care of anyone. I felt like Camila drew the short straw.

 **Camila** : I would have been lost without Daisy. She gave me so much strength that night. In a way I knew Graham or your dad would have struggled with. She had no idea how strong she was.

 **Daisy** : Dr. Reid came back in with a smile. He sat on the bed and took Camila's other hand, placing a card in it. He told her that he had set up an appointment at nine the next morning and he would be there himself. And not to worry. And that she was young and healthy and whatever it was they would figure it out together. He was a great guy. Truly. It just sounded more assuring with that British accent of his. I told Camila that and we both had a laugh.

 **Camila** : He asked if Daisy wanted to check in with her baby. I got the impression she did it a lot. I was so relieved and could breathe easy for a minute. And you know what? I was excited to share that with her. Regardless of the pain I may have felt with her pregnancy...that baby was going to be your sibling and I was so excited that she finally felt like she deserved it. She laid on the bed right next to me and we held hands. It was...it was so very Daisy.

 **Daisy** : He had let me come by any time I was in the right part of town, and I would lay there and listen to that heartbeat. I took your dad in there. Only once, because mostly I tried to hide how crazy I knew I was being, but I remember it so vividly. We heard that pounding heartbeat and your dad laid his head right on my belly. Got that goop all in his hair. Laid on my belly. And we both felt him move for the first time. Him...[she pauses a long while]...your dad joked that he would be a drummer with a kick foot like that. He cried on my stomach and laid there while I played his hair. I'll never forget him in that moment.

 **Julia** : What did Dr. Reid tell you that night?

 **Daisy** : [long pause] ...There was no heartbeat. 

**Camila** : I couldn't speak. I had this lump in my throat. I begged him to keep checking. And he did. He really did. Daisy was just frozen. She didn't cry. Didn't ask what happened. Didn't question it. She didn't say another word the entire night. We drove home in silence. He told her to just come in in the morning. Again, not to worry. That sometimes those babies get buried in there and that he would have more equipment in the hospital to take a closer look. He offered to take her right over there. She just shook her head no and grabbed her clutch.

 **Daisy** : It was like...a movie. I was watching it unfold from somewhere up above my body. That feeling lasted for days. I could hear them talking but not really. I just cradled my belly and let Camila tell me when to walk, where to go. I was...lost. I was gone. It was...it...it was too much for me.

 **Camila** : We drove to the pink house quietly and I didn't see the Swinger so I knew Billy and Simone hadn't made it back. I took her inside. She walked in and dropped her clutch on the floor. I remember it spilling all over but neither of us bothered with it. She was pulling her dress off as she walked down the hall and I just let her go. I heard her start the shower and I sat on the couch and cried. I cried so hard. For both of us.

_______________________________________

_**New Year's Eve, 1979**_

_**Camila was sitting on the couch just inside the front door, her face in her hands, when she heard Billy pull into the drive. She didn't have the energy that she usually would put into pretending everything was ok. He and Simone came tumbling through the front door and both stopped...surprised to see her.** _

_**"Camila?!" Billy's face was painted with confusion. Simone was equally surprised that she was still there. It worried her to see how upset she was. Billy looked around.** _

_**"Where's Daisy?" he asked before he heard the shower. Simone nodded to him as she sat her purse on a chair and made her way towards the bedroom. Billy was starting to panic and walked towards Camila.** _

_**"What's going on??" She stood up as he spoke and tears painted her face as she fought to catch the breath in her chest that had escaped her rom the moment she laid on that table with Daisy. She didn't know where to start.** _

**_"Billy...she...I don't know how I'm_ ** **_supposed to say this...it....it shouldn't be me..." Camila was pushing words out between choked sobs and Billy finally took her arms in his hands and tried to calm her._ **

_**"Shhhhh...hey...it's ok. I'm here....just tell me what is going on....you're scaring me..."** _

**_"BILLY!" Simone called from the bedroom before reappearing only slightly in the hallway and calling his name several times. He spun to face her and move in the direction, Camila just behind him._ **

**_Simone was fighting for breath as she pulled him into the bedroom, the shower still running in the background.._ **

**_"I think she's in labor...she should not be in labor..." Simone was in a panic and it quickly spread through the room as Billy ran past her, pulling his blazer off as he went into the bathroom._ **

**_Simone and Camila stood leaning on each other as they watched him move for her._ **

**_"I'm going to call an ambulance..." Simone spoke in a hushed whisper._ **

**_"I need to call Graham. My girls..." she was barely coherent._ **

**_"Give me his number. I'll go stay with your girls." Simone was all business and at that moment, as in many, the clearest head in the room._ **


	26. Chapter 26

**Simone** : Daisy was in shock. I can still see her hunched over in the corner of the shower, her dress and hair completely soaked as she held onto her stomach, a blank stare in her eyes. I saw a small amount of blood mixing with the water and running down the drain, but it wasn’t enough to worry me. I was scared that it looked like she was going to have the baby right there, in that shower, and it was too soon.

  
 **Billy** : I wasn’t even scared. I didn’t have enough time to think to get scared. I just ran to her and wrapped her up in my blazer, scooping her up and tilting her so that she was leaning into my chest. She was…she was holding her stomach and I remember feeling her body pulsing. Like I literally felt her body contracting under my arms. Then she… [swallows hard, tears fill his eyes] then she looked at me as we were running to the front door in slow motion and said, “I’m sorry”. That’s when it hit me what was actually happening. I should have said something in that moment. I should have told her that she had nothing to be sorry for. But everyone was moving around like we were in the eye of the storm, because we were, and the ambulance was pulling up and…[pauses] thank God for Simone. She had told them not to put the lights on until we left the neighborhood so that the neighbors and any photographers that might be hanging around, wouldn’t know anything. But everything was moving so fast, that I couldn’t even think of telling Daisy that she didn’t do anything wrong…

  
 **Daisy** : I don’t remember any of that. Honestly, when I got in the shower, fully clothed, I was just trying to process the doctor’s appointment and tell myself that everything was going to be ok. That I was just being paranoid and that everything would be ok in the morning. But then I felt these intense, sharp pains and pressure beneath me…then I saw the blood. That’s when I zoned out and fell against the shower wall. Everything after that was a blurry blank. I don’t remember anything until we got to the hospital and everyone started swirling around me frantically. I heard a nurse scream to the Doctor, “She’s crowning”, and I was so foggy and in so much shock, that I didn’t even know what that meant. Then I felt a huge pain in my stomach, like a horrible cramp, and then I felt something slide out of me. Billy had been by my head the whole time, whispering into my hair and telling me everything was going to be ok. I didn’t answer him because I knew it wasn’t going to be ok. I felt his tears on my forehead and I remember wondering why I wasn’t crying. Looking back, I was still numb and in shock. The tears didn’t hit me until the nurses and doctors finally stopping moving. As soon as he was out of me… everything and everyone went silent. A nurse quietly wrapped him in a blanket and asked Billy if we wanted to see him. I heard him say, “No…I don’t think that would be good for her… you can handle it, please”, and she turned around…with my son…and started to leave. I finally found my voice and I screamed at her…  
_______

**New Year’s Eve, 1979**

  
_**“WAIT! STOP!” Daisy shot up into a sitting position, lightheaded and weak, but determined.** _

_**The nurse stopped in her tracks and turned to face Daisy.** _

_**“Daisy…I don’t think –“ Billy was whispering into her hair, but she ignored him and spoke to the nurse directly.** _

_**“I want to see my son.”** _

_**The nurse hesitated as she looked at the little body she had in her hands, wrapped up in a blanket.** _

_**“Miss Jones, I’m not sure if – “** _

_**“This is nobody else’s decision. That is my son. He was in my body. I want to see him.” Daisy felt hot tears threatening to rise as her voice remained steady and firm.** _

_**The nurse sighed as she nodded and moved towards Daisy.** _

_**Daisy heard Billy inhale sharply above her, bracing himself for what they were about to see.** _

  
_**_____** _

**Daisy** : He was perfect. He was only five months along but… [tears start to fall] but he was perfect. He had the tiniest little fingers. His whole hand fit on the end of my pinky. His little legs weren’t very long or developed, but his toes were starting to, and they were the cutest little toes you ever did see. [Pauses, Julia hands her a tissue] Thanks. [laughs through her tears] I know that everyone else would think I was crazy, but I could tell what he was going to look like. I could see his hair, and his eyes…how much he would have loved to hear Billy sing…how he would have imitated his gruffness. Him running around with you and the twins in the backyard and pool... I saw it all. And the crazy thing was, so did your dad.

_**__________** _

**New Year’s Eve, 1979**

_**  
“He’s beautiful, Dais…” Billy kissed the top of Daisy’s head as he ran his finger over the place his son’s eyebrows would have been if they had had time to grow.** _

_**Daisy nodded, tears streaming down her face as she stared at her little boy.** _

_**“We…we never settled on a name…” Billy whispered as he pulled Daisy closer to him.** _

_**“Bear. His name is Bear.”** _   
_**  
Daisy said it so matter of factly, that Billy didn’t dare challenge it.** _

_**  
“Bear. I love it.”** _

_**He paused before he continued.** _

_**“Could I…would you mind if…” He hesitated and Daisy read his thoughts.** _

_**She gently lifted the tiny bundle wrapped in a blanket up to him, and he took it in his hands, the little body barely filling the space in his two large hands.** _

_**Billy choked back his tears, not wanting to make Daisy feel any worse than she already did.** _

_**Daisy hadn’t stopped crying, and her tears only fell faster as she watched the man she loved, holding their love in his hands.** _

_**  
“HI, Bear… I’m your daddy. And that’s your mommy. I don’t know where you are right now…I’ve never really known if heaven was real or not, but I’d like to think that’s where you are.”** _

_**Billy felt tears slipping from his eyes one by one against his will, so he turned his back to Daisy as he continued, his voice shaky.** _

_**“You have the best mom. She loves you so much and so do I. I’m so bummed that you won’t ever get to meet your sisters…” His voice broke as he powered through.** _

_**“…but you would have loved them.” He leaned down and kissed the baby on the top of his head as he whispered, “See you on the other side, little dude. Daddy loves you.”** _

_**He turned back to Daisy and laid him back in her arms.** _

_**She stared at him before saying in a soft whisper, “I think he was going to have your eyes…”** _

_**Billy smiled softly as he sat next to her on the bed.** _

_**“Nah…they were definitely going to be yours. But hopefully he would have gotten my hair…” Billy nudged her with his body, trying to make her laugh, but she just stared.** _

_**The nurse came back in and said, “Would you like to talk about options?” Her face was sympathetic, but Daisy never even looked up.** _

_**Billy sighed as he said, “Yeah…yeah, I guess we need to.” He stood up and Daisy’s voice cut through the fog.** _

_**“I want to take him to Pittsburgh.”** _

_**Billy turned to look at her, and she slowly looked up from the baby, her eyes red and her body trembling, even though her voice was firm.** _

_**  
“Daisy…”** _

  
_**“Billy. I want our son buried where all of the good things happen.”** _

  
_**Billy gave her a sad smile and a head tilt as he said, “What good is there in Pittsburgh? To me, Pittsburgh is where we had no money, my mom left, my dad ran off, you overdosed…”** _

_**Daisy cut him off.** _

_**“Pittsburgh is what gave me you. Where you fell in love for the first time. Where Graham looked up to you the most. It’s where the bungalow is and where I got clean. It’s where you wrote magical songs and it's where we finally fell in love...”** _

_**She looked down at the baby and gently brushed his miniscule nose with her fingertip.** _

_**“And it’s where it snows. Nothing bad happens when it snows. It’s pure and white and…perfect. I want our son to see the snow. He’s our little winter Bear, Billy.” She looked up at him, as he crossed is arms, fighting with his body not to react and lose it uncontrollably.** _

_**He nodded as he said, “Ok.”** _

______

  
 **Julia** : Why did you choose the name Bear?

  
 **Daisy** : [smiles sadly] Because a bear is strong. And warm and fuzzy. Which is how I pictured his hair. A bear also hibernates for long periods of time and that’s what I wanted to believe he was doing. Snuggling away somewhere safe and warm… [pauses] Also…this pain was too much to bear. It just seemed to fit.

  
 **Camila** : That night was such a blur for all of us. I remember Simone saying that she would watch you girls and calling Graham, but honestly, I was moving on adrenaline. It was horrible, Jules. Horrible. Seeing Daisy like that… I’ll admit, when I first found out she was pregnant, it hurt. I wasn’t ready for that and I was mad. But there was something calming about it being a boy. That was something I didn’t have, you know? So it didn't feel like something else I was losing. And you were so excited to have a baby brother. It’s all you talked about, and your excitement made me excited. In that moment, when Billy was scooping up Daisy and Simone was handling calling everyone, I remember just praying. Praying that everything would be ok. Praying that the baby would be safe. That Daisy would be safe. And that…I would be too. Your dad wanted me to ride in the ambulance with them, but I stayed and waited for Graham. Simone left as soon as she had made her calls and so it was just me. Alone in the big Daisy Jones house, praying and…continuingly feeling my lump. I swore it was growing bigger every time I touched it.

  
 **Graham** : When Simone called, my heart dropped. I instantly thought something had happened to Camila at the party, which I was kicking myself for not going to, and I barely let Simone speak and answer the questions I was asking that she was already trying to answer. All I managed to catch was that Billy and Daisy were going to the hospital and that Camila was alone at the house and that Simone was on her way to watch the girls. I didn’t know why any of those things were happening, but I hung up the phone and began to pack a bag. I didn’t know what I was walking into or where we would be staying, but if Simone was coming to watch the girls, I figured it wasn’t going to be at home. 

  
**Julia** : Were you nervous to see Billy?

  
 **Graham** : I didn’t know I was going to yet. I was just focused on getting to your mom.

  
 **Camila** : Graham walked in…no, scratch that. Burst in, and ran right to me on the couch, falling to his knees in front of me, making sure I was ok. It was late. Around ten thirty at night and it was already a new decade in the east coast. Once Graham was convinced that I was ok, I told him what happened with Daisy. His face…Jules… his face would have broken your heart. He fell backwards onto his butt and slumped his shoulders as he stretched out his legs.

  
 **Graham** : I felt like shit. Everything that had happened with Billy, every hateful thing I had said to him…God, I told him that he would only half ass parent this kid and now…that kid was probably gone. All of that drama and stubbornness melted in that moment and all I wanted to do was go to the hospital. Thankfully, Camila did too. She was out the door before I was and when I got in the car, I told her I had to make a stop first.

__________

**New Year’s Eve, 1979**

  
_**Billy walked back into the room where Daisy was still holding their son and said, “Simone just called and said that she is with the girls and they’re fine. They’re sleeping, and that Camila is probably on her way here right now as we speak.”  
  
Daisy ignored him, hypnotized by the bundle in her arms.  
** _

_**He sat back down on the bed beside her, stroking her hair as he watched her watch the baby. He was afraid she was never going to let go of him. She began rocking back and forth and started singing softly as she cried.** _

_“…Oh, I wish I had a river…_   
_I could skate away on…_   
_I wish I had a river so long…_   
_I would teach my feet to fly…_   
_Oh I wish I had a river…_   
_I could skate away on…_   
_I made my baby cry…_

_**  
Billy looked up at the ceiling, blinking away tears as fast as he could.** _

_**The nurse walked into the room and said, “Mr. Dunne? You have visitors out in the waiting room.”** _

_**Billy kissed Daisy’s forehead before slipping off the bed and walking out of the room, leaving Daisy still singing “River” to their son’s little lifeless body.** _

_**When he walked into the waiting room, he felt all of his emotions rising in his chest, threatening to spill out.  
  
There were only two people in there, and they were both there for him.** _

_**Camila moved to him first, wrapping her arms around his back and hugging him close as she rubbed his back sweetly.** _

_**“Hey…how’s she doing?”** _

_**Billy pulled back and looked behind her to Graham who was swinging his leg nervously. He looked back to Camila and cleared his throat.** _

_**“She’s still in shock.”** _

_**Camila nodded slowly.** _

_**“And…and the baby?”** _

_**Billy started crying softly as he shook his head.** _

_**Camila covered her mouth with her hand as Graham instinctually moved closer to his brother, and without either one of them thinking, they grabbed each other into a bear hug, holding each other tight and smacking each other’s backs with their fists.** _

_**Camila started crying at the sight of it and quickly slipped out towards Daisy’s room to give them some much needed time.** _

_**When the brothers broke their embrace, sniffing and clearing their throats, Billy said, “what’s that smell?”** _

_**Graham smiled shyly as he turned behind him and picked something off of the seat he had been sitting on.** _

_**Billy dropped his head as Graham brought a pizza around from behind his back, opening the box to reveal all of the greasy pepperoni goodness they had loved as kids.** _

_**  
“Merry Late Christmas, big brother.” Graham held the box open and Billy took it, moving to a chair to sit down, completely exhausted. He laid the box down in front of them on a small table and they both reached for a slice.** _

_**They sat in silence for a while, the only sound coming from the small tv in the corner where Erik Estrada was introducing Tanya Tucker on Dick Clark’s Rockin’ Eve.  
  
Billy broke the silence and said, "Daisy wants to bury him in Pittsburgh."  
  
Graham nodded.  
  
"Ok. Do you want us to come?"  
  
He looked over at Billy and Billy gave him a relieved and thankful look as he nodded.  
  
Graham wiped his hands and said, "We'll be there."  
  
Billy swallowed his bite of pizza and whispered, "I'm sorry, Graham. For everything."  
  
Graham gave him an apologetic smile as he said, "Me too. We can be real dicks sometimes, can't we..."  
  
Billy laughed slightly as he grabbed another slice and sat back against his seat.  
** _

_**They ate their pizza as they watched the ball drop and when the countdown hit 1, Graham said, “Happy new year, Billy.”** _

_**\-----** _

_**Camila was sitting next to Daisy, looking at the little body in her arms as they watched the ball drop.** _

_**“Camila…” Daisy spoke without looking up.** _

_**“Yeah?”** _

_**“I hate the 80s.”** _

________

 **Camila** : After the ball dropped, I went back into the waiting room so that Billy could go back and be with Daisy. Something just wasn't right with her... when she lost that baby, something inside of her broke. I didn't know what it was, but I was praying it could get fixed. Billy stood up when he saw me and started walking towards the door. Graham called out behind him instantly, and Billy turned to look at him.

  
 **Billy** : He said, “Hey…you can have the last slice”, and I tell ya, Jules… that meant everything to me.

  
 **Daisy** : When Billy walked back in, so did the nurse. She said they needed to take the baby now, and that they had contacts at the local funeral home that they worked with, who could get us a baby casket that night. Then they could keep him there at the hospital and… [she looks down at her hands as she struggles to force out the words] preserve him until we were ready to go to Pittsburgh. I screamed. I didn’t want to let him go. I knew logically that he was gone but… I didn’t know it in my heart yet. Your dad had to hold me back as they lifted him from arms. I was a mad woman. All of my mama bear energy unleashed in that moment. He got quite a few scrapes and scars from my claws that night. 

  
**Billy:** It was horrible. I had never seen her that unglued. Even when she was as high as high could be on drugs, I never saw that kind of rage. And once the baby was gone, she had nowhere to direct that anger except at me. That… that was the beginning of a very hard time for us. 

  
**Graham:** I sat in that waiting room, thinking about how short life is, and how nothing is guaranteed. Daisy had turned her life around so much and became such a great person… and the universe still gave her a huge fuck you. It didn’t seem fair. I remember reaching over and grabbing Camila’s hand and kissing it, whispering, “I’m so thankful you’re ok and healthy, and I can’t wait to start forever with you." She didn’t smile back at me. In fact, she pulled her hand out of my grasp and looked at the floor. That’s when I knew something was wrong. 

  
**Camila** : I told him everything. It just started spilling out, faster than I could monitor it. I started crying when I talked about seeing Dr. Reid with Daisy, and how he had scheduled an appointment for me that next morning. Graham was silent the whole time, hanging on every word I was saying, blood leaving his face as I continued talking. When I was done, he didn’t say anything. He just stood up and reached for my hand. He held out a house key and said that Billy had asked him to watch the house that night while he stayed at the hospital with Daisy and asked if I wanted to come too. I nodded, and followed him, but didn’t know what to think about the fact that he just didn’t say anything. I had poured my heart out to him and he said nothing. 

  
**Graham:** I didn’t know what to say. I felt like I was going to die right there on that hospital floor when she told me. Every fear that I had had that night I felt the lump came rushing back, and I just saw the three of you girls, living a life without your mom. Me living a life without your mom. Hell, Billy living a life without your mom. And I knew if I said anything, I would lose it and panic and she would end up comforting me, when I needed to be there for her. I needed to process, but I knew that this didn’t change anything for me. When I said come hell or high water I wanted to love her through it, I meant it. I was going to be there every step of the way. 

  
**Camila** : I really needed to hear him say those things. 


	27. Chapter 27

_**(Author’s Note: the following entry to Billy Dunne’s journal was a piece of stationary from Cedars Sinai Hospital In Marina Del Ray that had been taped into place.)** _

_**  
Billy Dunne’s Journal** _

_**January 1, 1980** _

_**Dear Julia,** _

_**I’m feeling pretty lost and lonely right now kid. I don’t know how to write you about this and really I’m only writing it because it’s keeping me from running out the door to the bar we passed on the corner on our way down here.  
** _

_**Daisy lost her baby today. I’m gonna have to keep saying ‘her baby’ for a little while because I wasn’t ready to lose mine. And I can’t lose her. So for today I need to think about not losing Daisy. I feel like I just did.** _

_**So I guess I can start by saying...you have a brother named Bear who you never got to meet and you never will. And I know someday soon I’ll have to explain that to you because you wanted that brother about as much as Daisy wanted to give you one. And that’s gonna break her heart all over again.  
** _

**_I held him today. It didn’t feel real. How small he was. How perfect he was. The world never got a chance to fuck with him like it does the rest of us and I’m gonna focus on that for now._ **

**_Julia Dunne you were 64 days old before I saw your face. How did I let that happen? How did I not stop everything I was doing to be there when you came into the world and start that journey with you and your mom. You don’t know that yet but you will someday, and a part of you is going to hate me for it. And you should. I hate myself for it. I think maybe today is punishment for that._ **

**_When I held him and I touched his nose and I studied his toes I thought...I made a family. Just like I did with you and your mom.  
_ **

**_And I am still doing it wrong. I missed a big part of your life that I can never get back. And I will miss that boy’s entire life and never know what it could have been. Am I ever gonna get this right? Am I ever gonna just do something or live a life that doesn’t have to hurt every time I let myself think about it? I mean, really think about it? You, your mom, Graham, Daisy.  
_ **

**_Bear. Bear Dunne._ **

**_I’ve let you all down._ **

**_I don’t know how to feel this. I don’t know how to do this. Your mom is gone. Graham is gone. Daisy feels gone._ **

**_Julia, I wish you were here right now. I need you to remind me I’m capable of something good. Something that sticks._ **

**_Dad_  
__________________  
**

**Billy:** I was prepared for Daisy to be sad. I was not prepared for Daisy to be mad. And all of the sudden it was like she wanted nothing to do with me.

 **Daisy** : I was horrible to your dad that day, and the days that followed. Maybe...the weeks followed. There was this voice in my head telling me 'whatever you do Daisy he will stick around, so you can really let him have it.' And I did. I had lost my baby boy. There was noting I could have done better or different. I know that now. At the time I didn't. And I was so convinced that your dad was going to hate me for it. He was going to know it was because I have been a junkie for so long there was no going back. That I was going to lose him, too. So I decided to make him leave instead of waiting around for him to decide to.

 **Billy** : I tried to go in and see her a few times in the night. I was sleeping on the couch in the waiting room and the nurses must have wondered what the hell was even going on. Daisy Jones just lost a baby and why is Billy Dunne here? Don't they hate each other? Even when I had to talk them through being the father of this baby you could tell there was something else there and I had to fight hard to not let it get to me. But really, people were pretty understanding. And private. And finally one of them came out, it was probably around four in the morning, and told me that...[he pauses] 'Daisy Jones said that Billy Dunne was not to be allowed back into her room.' And...we weren't married. You know...I mean...as far as they knew...yeah. So I slept on the couch. I finally called Simone and gave her Cindy's number to stay with you girls so she could come help. I didn't know what else to do.

 **Simone** : Everyone were asleep by the time I went to the house. Graham left so fast. He was so scared and I knew he felt in the dark. So I figured..I could handle this. In the middle of the night, you came down with this big blanket and this sparkly pink microphone and you recognized me from pictures at the Pink House. You laid on the couch and fell asleep on me. I just sat and watched the phone. I was sick. That night passed so slowly. 

**Billy** : When Simone got to the hospital I finally lost it. She just walked in and hugged me in this great way that she did. Like she was everyone's mom somehow. I told her what had happened. The baby. Daisy. Pittsburgh.

 **Simone** : It was horrible, seeing him like that. But I was not prepared for Daisy. He showed me to her room and I insisted he come in. But he hung back. God, she was just this shell. She didn't look at us, she was just staring out the window. I sat on the bed and took her hand. She just said...he's gone. She kept saying it. And I told her I knew. I cried. I cried hard. When you love someone like I love Daisy, you can actually manifest their pain. I believe that. You feel what they feel. And I ached for her. But she didn't cry. Your dad did. I turned and saw that he was facing away from us but I could hear him sniffling, holding it back. I also noticed some painkillers on her nightstand, which I pocketed. I made a mental note to talk to her nursing staff. She couldn't be taking that shit and I didn't want Billy to have to shoulder that, too.

 **Daisy** : I wanted him to leave. I didn't want to see him. He was breaking my heart. I felt like...I felt...I had let him down. I couldn't fix him and he couldn't fix me. I couldn't look at him.

 **Simone** : She heard him crying and turned to him. I'll never forget it. Never. I watched her face change: she was heartbroken, she wanted to speak, she wanted to cry, she wanted him so badly to be there. And then, like a damn Oscar winner, she slapped this mask on and buried it all. She was stoic. And then she went in for the kill, that is exactly what she did.

 **Daisy** : I said...oh God Julia...

 **Julia** : ...it's ok, Daisy...

 **Daisy** : I said, "If you're that damn sad why don't you go write a song about it."

 **Simone** : It was awful. He left. I would have too.

_________________________________

_**Cedars Sinai Hospital** _

_**January 1, 1980** _

_**Billy stumbled out of Daisy's hospital room and pulled the door shut. He fought hard against the urge to punch it, having just recovered from the last time he let his emotions get the best of his right hand.** _

**_"Mr. Dunne...we have some paperwork..." a nurse gently spoke to him as she took him by the arm and led him to the nurse's station. Billy could barely focus as he filled in contact information for himself, Daisy, and their stillborn son._ **

**_"Billy..." he turned to see Dr. Reid who stretched his hand out for a handshake. Billy accepted it and shook it, but Dr. Reid would't let go. He closed his other hand over it._ **

**_"I'm so sorry this happened and I am so sorry I didn't get here sooner. I had a patient..."_ **

**_Billy didn't bother to force a smile but just nodded his understanding and appreciation._ **

**_"How is she?" her doctor asked, already knowing the answer. Billy couldn't answer that one either._ **

**_"Get some coffee. I'll come back out in a minute." Dr. Reid patted his hand and left him standing there. There was a chair nearby and he fell into it, putting his hands over his face and willing this whole thing to be some kind of nightmare that he would wake up from at any minute._ **

**_"Hey..."_ **

**_Billy took his face from his hands and looked up to see an equally pained and exhausted Graham Dunne. Billy didn't respond, he just laid his head back on the wall behind him._ **

**_"You look like shit." Graham said, forcing a smile._ **

**_"I feel like shit. You don't look so great either."_ **

**_Graham sat next to him and they both folded their hands together, not realizing they were sitting in the exact same posture._ **

**_"Thanks for coming back. You didn't have to do that." Billy spoke softly, knowing that Graham was burying some shit just to be able to be there to help him._ **

**_"I did have to come back."_ **

**_Graham looked into the waiting room at Camila, standing at the nurses station and filling out some paperwork. Billy followed his eyes and squinted, trying to make sense of it. She was dressed, wrapped in a coat and carrying a purse, hair tucked neatly into a bun. Way more pulled together than the rest of them who were still in yesterday's clothes._ **

**_"I need to tell you something and I know the timing is shitty but I need you to keep it together for me. Ok?" Graham turned his back to Camila and sat up. So Billy did the same, facing him._ **

**_Camila turned just in time to see the brothers locked in a deep conversation and she thought hard about not moving towards them, but she had just been told to go sit and would have felt funny doing anything else. She caught Billy's attention over Graham's shoulder. He had his hand there. Graham turned towards her, too and they both stood to watch her move towards them._ ** **_Camila inhaled deeply, sure that Billy had just been told exactly why they were there._ **

**_"You two look like absolute hell. And stop with all the crying, for Christ's sake. Daisy and I are the ones suffering here. And we need you to man up for at least a few hours. Ok?" Camila was teasing them, forcing a grin and trying to make them laugh even if there was more truth to her words than she cared to admit._ **

**_______________________________________________________ **

**Graham:** That fucking woman. Here she is worried for her own life, right, and making sure the two of us could keep our shit together. And we couldn't. In that moment we must have looked like...man I dunno. Just standing there lost. Worried about our women, you know? We never did get much better at holding our shit together, I can tell you that much.

 **Julia** : And you know...that's ok?

 **Graham** : I know, kid, I know. It was a different time.

 **Billy** : I just threw myself at her. I didn't know what else to do. Camila...your mom...she had always been the one to keep things together. And I don't mean our family. And I don't mean me. I mean everything. The band, her friends, Daisy...you name it. That was who your mom was. She just was. She always will be. And even then she was trying so hard to still be that person. But there was the slightest little look in her eye that told you something was wrong. She was scared. We all were. I remember this one time I took her to Coney Island and made her ride this horrible old wooden roller coaster. She didn't want to. I knew she didn't want to. But do you think Camila Dunne was gonna admit that?

 **Julia** : [laughing] No.

 **Billy** : Damn right, no. She got on there like she couldn't wait. And she held me like if she let go she was going to actually fly out of the thing. And right before it started...she looked at me and I saw that same look. That little glimmer of actual fear she was fighting so hard to hide. But she did it. She saw it through. She buckled in and held on tight and kept her shit together and...she saw it through. She rode it out. She was...she is...incredible like that.

 **Camila** : Those boys. I swear if one of them wasn't going to kill me the other one was.

 **Graham** : I gave him a minute and then I held onto them, too.

 **Camila** : Dr. Reid came out from Daisy's room. He looked pretty shook up, but he smiled so warmly when he saw me. He came over to us and told us Daisy was "just fine" and that she would have a long road back to feeling herself, but that she was surrounded by a wonderful family so he didn't worry. He winked at me.

 **Graham** : Man, I tell you what, that guy reminded me so much of Teddy it made the hair on my neck stand up. He took Camila's hand and asked her if she would like anyone to come back with her. I just assumed...I mean, yeah of course I was going. We were in this thing together now.

 **Julia** : Why did you decide to go by that yourself that day?

 **Camila** : [long pause] Short answer? I wanted to know myself first, so that I could let it sink in before I had to worry about how someone else felt. I wanted to cry without worrying that it was making someone else sad. I wanted to think it though before I explained it to someone else. [She pauses again] Long answer? I was terrified. I was so scared that I felt like I was going to shatter in a million pieces. But the guys were, too. I knew they could't handle it. Not at that moment. Graham wanted to, I know he did. And I know he was so angry. But that was how I knew I made the right call. It wasn't about Graham at that moment. It was about me. And it would have broken your dad to not go, and I didn't want him out there alone, worrying. It wasn't about him either. It was, for that moment, between me and my doctor. You know what the craziest part is?

....

I wished Daisy was there.

 **Graham** : She broke my heart that day. I needed to do this thing for her. With her. And she was too damn strong to let me help. I mean I managed to keep my cool when she asked to go alone, but yeah...I was working hard to not be mad about it.

 **Billy** : Graham made a scene. And I didn't blame him. Dr. Reid was already pulling Camila down the hall and she looked at me, asking me with her eyes just to...take care of him. Taking care of Graham was something I used to feel really good at. I didn't feel good at it anymore. But I owed it to him, and God knows I owed it to her.

 **Graham** : I remember Billy just hanging on to me. I was watching her disappear into these giant double doors, and Billy just held my shoulders. When she was finally out of sight it was like my legs went out from under me and he caught me. If he hadn't been there...but he was. He caught me, and basically walked me back to the chairs. He knelt in front of me. He was still a mess, right, but he knelt there. Let me have a second. And then straightened me up.

 **Billy** : I remember I told him that he was gonna get it all out. He could cry and scream and shout and hit me and whatever he felt like he needed to do. Because once your mom came back out, Graham was gonna be the man that she needed him to be. Whatever it was she found out. He was going to have to do that for her. I got him a cup of coffee and sat with him. He cried it out. We didn't talk. Just sat there. I kept his coffee full and waited it out with him. I didn't know what else to do. I needed to learn how to be his brother again.

 **Graham** : We had our issues. But I couldn't have asked for a brother better than Billy. I really couldn't have.

___________________________________________________

_**New Year's Eve, 1979** _

_**Graham opened the front door of the pink house and let Camila in before following behind her and pulling the door shut. She had thrown a wrap over her shoulders and he helped her take it off.** _

**_"Are you hungry? Thirsty?" Graham asked dutifully. Camila just stared at him. Her confusion with his aloofness was slowly turning to anger. She nodded no and he headed to the kitchen. She stood there, alone, hurting and concerned about more things than she could even understand. She heard a dish break in the kitchen and ran quickly to make sure everything was ok._ **

**_Graham stood motionless in the center of the huge kitchen, a shattered porcelain plate at this feet, his hands_ ** **_shaking._ **

**_"Graham...what happened..."_ **

**_"You have to be ok." That was all he could manage. He looked up at her with a strange cocktail of concern and undeniable willpower._ **

**_"Graham, I'm going to be ok..." Camila's voice shook, but she tried to echo his sentiments._ **

**_"No, Cami, you don't understand...you HAVE to be ok. Look I have waited my whole life for you. You can't... You know? I mean, this isn't fair. It's not fair." Graham started calmly and was slowly escalating. Camila felt herself start to cry as Graham waded through the broken pieces of plate to kneel in front of her. He grabbed her around the waist and buried his head there. Crying into her dress. She put her arms around his head and cradled him there as she let herself cry. Graham sniffled against himself a few times and straightened up. He stood and took her hands in his. He smiled at her warmly._ **

**_"Look whatever this is. It's us. Ok? It's not happening to you. It's happening to us. And you gotta know that me...and the girls...we are gonna get through this together. I just need you to promise me that you know that."_ **

**_"I promise." Camila smiled and him softly and he kissed her forehead, letting his mouth linger there. She forced a sob back down her throat for that moment when she knew he wasn't looking at her._ **

**_He pulled from her and lifted her into his arms, carrying her to the couch. He sat down and she laid across his lap._ **

**_"I won't let you down. I promise." Graham whispered as he stroked her hair. And she wanted so badly to believe him. She knew that he meant it. She knew she wasn't alone. But she knew there would be pieces of this journey that she was going to have to take on her own, and she was already dreading how that would sit with him. With all of them._ **

**____________________________________________ **

**Rod:** When Simone got a hold of me, it was like someone had a record on and then pulled the needle. And it was playing your favorite song. And it just stopped. That horrible awful sound, and then silence. That's how that phone call felt. She walked me through it and I was already getting dressed and making calls. She didn't even know about Camila at that point, or that we were just reaching the tip of this iceberg. I called and had some flowers sent to the house. I let Warren and Karen know to spread the word. And I headed to Cedars Sinai. It was about ten o'clock in the morning by the time I got there and I don't know what made me think to stop...

 **Billy** : I told Graham I had to get some fresh air and I was gonna bring back some breakfast for him. It was't a complete lie.

 **Rod** : There was this God awful dive bar just around the corner, you know the type. Where people might still be passed out on the floor from the night before? A few strung out girls sitting out front? I drove past it and parked. But something told me to go back. And there he was. Sitting at the God damned bar. Not on my watch, Billy Dunne....not on my fucking watch. I marched right in that place and tried to pretend the smell wasn't enough to make me puke. I put my hand on his back. He hadn't ordered anything. So I told the bartender we just needed two waters. To go. I put ten bucks on the counter and drug his ass back outside.

 **Billy** : I'll never forget what he said to me that day. Cause really I think it maybe changed the whole trajectory of the rest of my life.

 **Rod** : I took him by the shoulders and I said what I had wanted to say to him for years. 

....

"Don't be your dad. Be Teddy."

 **Billy** : I had to get back in there. And fight for my family. All of them.


	28. Chapter 28

**Simone** : They were going to discharge Daisy that morning, which I thought was way too soon. I mean, she was not in the right headspace and I really wanted professionals to continue monitoring her, but back then…mental health wasn’t something you talked about and it definitely wasn’t anything you dealt with. Anything I tried to bring up with the doctors or nurses was brushed off as ‘something that happens to every woman after pregnancy. It’s called postpartum depression’. Postpartum depression my ass. They weren’t taking it seriously and it was pissing me off. I had called Rod to come to the hospital, and Daisy was sleeping, so I walked out to the waiting area to wait for him to get there. I didn’t expect to see Graham sitting there. Especially not alone.

  
 **Graham** : I didn’t really know Simone, but I had heard a lot about her and she had been a Godsend that last night, and when she saw me, she hugged me tight like she’d known me all her life. She really does give the best hugs. I don’t know how anyone could meet her and not love her. She makes you feel instantly at ease and like you’re family, even if she’s only known you for five minutes. She’s a beautiful soul. 

  
**Simone** : Daisy was my family, and she loved Billy. That made Billy my family. Billy’s family is Graham, so that made Graham my family too. So, I guess I made him feel like family, because he was.

  
 **Graham** : She sat next to me and asked where Billy was. I just shrugged and then she asked how Camila was, and where she was. I couldn’t look at her. I just told her that she was with the doctor, figuring out if something was majorly wrong. 

  
**Simone** : I saw it all over him. It wasn’t just a routine doctor’s appointment. I put my hand on his knee and squeezed it, then said, “She’s a fighter, that one. If I were any disease, I wouldn’t stand a chance. They’re messing with the wrong woman”. That made him relax a little bit. Rod walked in with a broken Billy right then, and my God was it good to see Rod. I hadn’t seen him since Pittsburgh, even though we had kept in touch. I ran to him and wrapped my arms around his neck. I never wanted to let him go. Everyone said that I made things better and was levelheaded, or their comfort…but Rod was mine. He had helped me so much in Pitt…like I mentioned before, we created a close bond. 

  
**Billy** : I walked past Daisy and Rod and sat back down by Graham. He looked at me and said, “Where’s breakfast?” and I just sighed. He knew.

  
 **Graham** : I didn’t know. But I guessed. He looked like hell and I could see the weight of everything on him. I was lucky. I wasn’t in love with Daisy Jones, so I just had one woman to worry about. Billy was in love with Daisy Jones and Camila Dunne. And they were both breaking right in front of him. I felt helpless, but I knew he needed me. 

_______

**January 1, 1980**

  
_**Simone was hugging Rod and they were busy catching up, so Graham turned to Billy and said, “Don’t do this, man. They need you. Both of them.”** _

_**Billy leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and covering his nose and mouth with both hands as he sighed.** _

_**“I know.”** _

_**“Do you? Like do you really? Because I’m a big enough mess as it is, man. I can’t do this all by myself. They need all of us. So do the girls.”** _

_**Billy turned to face him and gave him a pointed stare.** _

_**“I know. I didn’t do anything.”** _

_**Graham sat back and exhaled.** _

_**They were quiet for a while before Billy whispered, “How am I going to tell Julia?”** _

_**He looked over at Graham with tears in his eyes and Graham put his hand on his back.** _

_**“Do you want me to?”** _

_**Billy thought about it for a minute before answering.** _

_**“No… no, it needs to be me.”** _

_**______** _

**Camila** _ **:**_ Doctor Reid was the best there ever was. I’ll stand by that until my last breath. I will never be able to repay Daisy for getting me connected with him. He held my hand as he took another ultrasound of my breast, and he made sure he talked me through the whole biopsy. He was a magic man because it barely hurt at all. His voice automatically put me at ease too. I mean, everything sounds better in a British accent, right? Even the worst news. He told me that he would put a rush order in at the lab and that someone would be in touch with my results within twenty-four hours. He left so I could get dressed, and when I walked out of that room, I looked down the long hall and saw Billy and Graham in deep conversation. So I turned and went to Daisy’s room.

_**__________** _

**January 1, 1980**

_**“Hi…” Camila closed the door softly behind her as she moved to Daisy who was curled up on her side, just staring at the door. The room was dark, and Camila moved to open the curtains.** _

_**“Leave it.” Daisy snapped at her.** _

_**Camila ignored her and threw open the curtains wide.** _

_**“I said, LEAVE IT!” Daisy shot up, screaming at Camila as she squinted from the sun hitting her eyes.** _

_**Camila put her hands on her hips and said, “No. You need some fucking sunshine in this room, Jones. It’s good for your bones.” She moved to sit on the foot of Daisy’s bed as Daisy laid back down, staring at the ceiling.** _

_**“I couldn’t give two shits about sunshine right now.”** _

_**Camila softened as she put her hand on Daisy’s ankle.** _

_**“I know. I felt the same way.”** _

_**Daisy sat up on her elbows and gave her a curious look.** _

_**“What do you mean?”** _

_**  
Camila sighed as she looked around the room.** _

  
_**“After Julia… and before the twins… I got pregnant.”** _

_**Daisy sat up fully, crossing her legs like a butterfly as she leaned in to listen.** _

_**“What?”** _

_**Camila pursed her lips in a tight smile and felt the tears filling her eyes.** _

_**“Yeah. You guys were on the road. You had just left on tour and I think you were in New York. It was a time I didn’t come out on the road because Julia was so little, and I was feeling really sick. She was a little over a year old and I didn’t think it was possible to be pregnant so soon after. But I took a test, all by myself and it was positive. I made a doctor’s appointment to check everything out and they said I was just about eight weeks and that everything looked good.”** _

_**  
Daisy began to pull at a loose thread on her dress.** _

_**“Well they were wrong because that night… I started bleeding really bad in bed. I got up and ran to the bathroom and sat on the toilet, half asleep and panicking. My stomach hurt and my body felt like it was spiraling. And then…I felt something like a blood clot you get during your period, plop in the water and…” She wiped a tear off of her cheek as Daisy’s eyes begin to fill.** _

_**“…and I stood up to look in the toilet and…there it was. My baby. I mean, it was mostly just a clump, but you could tell what it was. I fell on the bathroom floor and just lost it. I didn’t know what to do, but I felt like a piece of me…my body and my heart had been ripped away from me. I had to mourn something I hadn’t even had a chance to love…yet I already did.”** _

_**Tears were streaming down Daisy’s face now as she touched Camila’s arm.** _

_**“What did you do?” Daisy asked, just above a whisper.** _

_**Camila started to sob softly as she looked at Daisy and said, “There was only one thing I could do. I…Oh God…I...”** _

_**Daisy grabbed her hand, holding it tightly against her chest.** _

_**“It’s ok…”** _

_**Camila nodded as she tried to push her words past the lump in her throat and the tears that were overtaking her.** _

_**“I flushed it. All of it. The umbilical cord, the little placenta… my baby.” She lost it as the sobs overtook her entire body. She began shaking as Daisy moved and wrapped both arms around her shoulders, hugging her tight.** _

_**  
“Shhh shh shh… it’s ok.” She began rocking Camila back and forth like she was comforting a child.** _

_**She let Camila cry for a long time, and she cried with her. Two women who were bonding over shared grief.** _

_**Camila wiped her face and smiled at Daisy softly.** _

_**“Thank you.”** _

_**Daisy tucked some hair behind Camila’s ear and smiled back sadly.** _

_**“How did Billy take the news?”** _

  
_**Camila shook her head quickly.** _

_**“I never told him. He still doesn’t know. Please… please don’t tell him.”** _   
_**  
Daisy put a hand on her knee and squeezed it reassuringly.** _

  
_**A nurse knocked and entered the room, looking at Daisy as she smiled and said, “Are we ready to go home?”** _

_**  
Camila held her hand out to Daisy and Daisy took it. She turned to the nurse and said, “Yes.”** _

______

 **Graham** : When the two of them walked into the waiting room, all four of us stood up immediately. They were holding hands and both of their eyes were red and swollen. My heart sank.

  
 **Billy** : I ran to Daisy and tried to take her hand, but she pulled away from me. So did Camila when I tried to hug her. I didn’t know what was going on. But I had a sinking feeling in my stomach.

  
 **Camila** : I couldn’t look at Billy. I had buried that secret so deep inside of me for four years, and I had just dug up the pain. I just couldn’t look at him. I ran to Graham and grabbed him tightly, and I saw the pain on your dad’s face. I didn’t mean to hurt him. I really didn’t. But I was full of old guilt and I was scared about the results that would be coming and…Graham was my safety. Even though…even though I ended up treating him like he was anything but. But I’m getting ahead of myself. 

  
**Simone** : I could feel the pain in that room between all of them. It was thick and palpable, and it was one of the first times I didn’t know what to do in a moment. Thankfully, Chris had just taken off and broken Rod's heart, so he was lonely and in need of some serious company. He offered to let me stay with him. I was so thankful because I knew I couldn’t impose on either one of the couples. Not right now. Graham had filled me in on Camila and my heart broke for her. For them. For those precious little girls of hers. I didn’t want to impose. But I didn’t want to stay at a hotel either…so thank God for Rod.

  
 **Camila** : Graham gave me an expectant look, and I told him that I didn’t have any results yet. Billy was watching us, and I really wanted Daisy to let him in to her world because I needed him focused on her. She needed him focused on her. But I understood the rage and guilt she was feeling because I had felt it too. Billy Dunne just happened to be busy being a touring Rockstar when I went through it. She didn’t have that luxury. 

  
**Daisy** : I just wanted to get home. I wanted to be in my own bed with the shades drawn and Joni Mitchell on the record player on repeat… And I wanted to be as far away from Billy Dunne as possible. When I looked at him, I just saw our son. And disappointment. And pain. And everything I had taken from him, and how I had ruined his life, and how much I hated him for being so nice to me. I wanted him to hate me too. That would have felt better. To see rage in his eyes instead of pain. Rage I could understand. Pain I couldn’t handle. But he was so determined to be the perfect man, that he refused to get mad at me. So, it became a goal of mine. To push him away. Test his limits. Make him leave. It was one of the stupidest things I’ve ever done in my life.

  
 **Billy** : She made my life hell from the moment we got home. I couldn’t do anything right. Nothing. Even if I was doing what she asked me to do, I wasn’t doing it right. She cried all the time. Broke more dishes than I could even count. And when we got home…the first thing she did was go into the nursery and trash it like a rockstar in a hotel room. She ripped that damn mobile off the wall, knocked over the changing table and the crib, broke the rocking chair, and pulled apart every teddy bear with impressive strength. Then…she wrapped herself up in a baby blanket and just…sat. In the middle of the chaos and mess…and she just stared. At the wall, at me…just staring. No expression, no tears. She was a hollow shell. She refused to eat. She wouldn’t talk to anyone whose name wasn’t Karen, Camila or Simone… and I knew it was really bad when she didn’t want to see you girls.

  
 **Camila** : Going home and seeing my girls was the only thing that gave me even a bit of strength. You ran to me, so excited and asked me if I had fun at Daisy Jones’ pink house. I just kissed your sweet face and told you, “Yeah baby, the best!”. Then you proceeded to tell me all about Miss Simone and how you loved her and wanted her hair. [laughs] I hadn’t seen you this taken with anyone since you first met Daisy Jones. 

  
**Graham** : We had just gotten home, and Camila was catching up with you and checking on the twins, and she was about to relieve Cindy, but I told her to wait and to come into the bedroom. That’s where our answering machine was, and there was a message from Dr. Reid on there, asking us to come back in immediately. She grabbed my hand and I’ll never forget it…she said… “Can you call Karen?” – she wanted to go with Karen instead of me. I don’t think I’ve ever been more hurt than that moment. It fucking killed me.

  
 **Camila** : Like I said before, I needed time to process whatever news the Doctor was going to tell me, alone. Well, without someone whose world would shatter like mine when he heard the news. I had been there for Karen on one of her worst days, and I loved her more than anything. I had just avoided her because of the Graham awkwardness, but after he told me about the day he got the ring… I called her to catch up. That’s when she invited me to her New Year’s eve party. We were reconnecting and…I needed her now. I knew the news would be bad if they couldn’t tell me over the phone, so… I couldn’t have Graham anywhere near it. Not yet.

  
 **Graham** : I stormed out. I was so hurt and angry. I made her call Karen herself. 

  
**Karen** : I couldn’t get to her fast enough. 

___________________  
 **  
  
1980, Dr. Reid’s office.**

  
_**“I wish I had better news for you, Mrs. Dunne… the results came back quickly and I’m sorry to say, you have stage three metastatic breast cancer in your right breast, and you are rapidly progressing to stage four.”** _

_**Karen grabbed Camila’s hand as everything went dark around them.** _

_**“Now…there are many options, but at the rate it is growing, I think the best two are chemotherapy or… a full mastectomy.”** _

_**“But she doesn’t have a lump in her other breast.” Karen spoke firmly as she squeezed Camila’s hand tighter.** _

_**“No, she doesn’t, but she has a few suspicious looking lymph nodes that could turn into something, and I wouldn’t want to take the risk of waiting too long and not being able to stop something that we could have taken care of earlier.”** _

_**Camila stared at him, trying to process. She cleared her throat and furrowed her brow as she said, “Can we start with the chemotherapy first and wait to see if that works without a mastectomy?”** _

_**Dr. Reid nodded.** _

_**“Yes, we can do that. But I will want to monitor you extremely close. We will do everything we can to make sure you beat this, Mrs. Dunne. I have every faith that you will come out of this a survivor.”** _

_**Camila looked at him as the tears started making her eyes blurry before they fell.** _

_**  
“And what if I don’t? What is the survival rate?”** _

_**  
Dr. Reid cleared his throat.** _

_**“Let’s not think about that right now. Let’s focus on the good.”** _

_**  
“What’s the percentage.” Camila was staring him down.** _

_**“Seventy two percent.”** _

_**  
Camila nodded as she stood.** _

_**“That’s good enough for me. Thank you, Doctor.”** _

_**Dr. Reid set up an appointment for her to begin her treatments two days from then.** _   
_**  
  
As Karen drove her home, she whispered, “You are a warrior, Camila Dunne. You are going to kick cancer's ass and come out better than ever. But…”** _

_**Camila looked over at her.** _

_**  
“…You need to tell Graham. Let him in. You don’t have to be the strong one here. Let him love you through it and carry some of this burden.”** _

_**Camila just shook her head and turned to look out the window, so Karen turned up the radio and “Free Will” by Rush was playing.** _

_**  
Camila snorted.** _

________

  
 **Billy** : I asked Graham if I could take Julia for a few hours, which felt weird because I didn’t really know why I was asking my brother if I could spend time with my own daughter, but whatever. We were all messed up then. But I knew I needed to get away with you and tell you about the baby. And I needed space from Daisy… or more so she needed space from me. So I called Simone to come stay with her and went to pick you up. I didn’t want to take you to Disneyland that day because I didn’t want it to become a sad place for you, but you insisted, so we went. And we sat on the same bench we sat on the last time we had a deep conversation. And you blew me away.

  
________

**1980, Disneyland**

  
_**“Baby girl… there’s…there’s something I need to talk to you about.”** _

_**Billy wrung his hands as Julia licked her ice cream cone.** _

_**“What, Daddy?”** _

_**Billy inhaled sharply and ripped the band-aid off quick.** _

_**“Daisy doesn’t have a baby in her tummy anymore. Your brother…he went to heaven with the angels.” He forced down a sob that was rising and cleared his throat to steady himself.** _

_**Julia looked at him with her big eyes and said, “Why?”** _

_**Billy looked down at the ground and whispered, “Because he was just too good for this world, I guess…”** _

_**Julia stopped licking for a minute as she thought about what to say and processed what her dad said.** _

_**  
“It’s ok that he’s not my brother anymore. He will just be my angel instead.” And she proceeded to lick her cone.** _

_**Billy looked away from her as tears began to fall.** _

_**“Yes he will, baby…yes he will.”** _

_**\-----** _

_**When Billy got back to Camila’s house to drop Julia off, Cindy was there with the twins and Graham and Camila were nowhere to be found.** _

_**He kissed the top of Julia’s head and said, “Bye, baby”, and sent her on her way.** _

_**As she climbed the front steps she said, “Daddy, wait!” and she ran inside and up the stairs to her room.** _

_**He leaned against his car as he waited for her, and then she came running outside, carrying her most prized possession. A bear named Mr. Snuggles that she had had since she was a baby. She never went anywhere without that thing. He was her best friend.** _

_**She ran to Billy and held the bear out to him.** _

_**“This is for Daisy Jones. She needs Mr. Snuggles more than I do.”** _

_**Billy took the bear from his daughter’s hands, as tears filled his eyes.  
  
He hadn’t even told her that they had named him Bear. ** _

_**“Are you sure, Julia?”** _

_**She nodded.** _

_**“Yeah… I have my angel brother now instead.”** _

**_Then she turned around and skipped all the way inside.  
  
_____________  
  
_** **Simone** : When I got to Daisy's house, everything was quiet. Billy told me she would be in the nursery, but when I got there, she wasn't. I heard the shower running and started to panic, remembering what happened the last time I found her in the shower. I ran to the bathroom, and there she was. In the same corner of the shower, soaked... with hazy eyes and a pill bottle lying next to her. A bottle I thought I had hid from her. She barely lifted her head as she whispered, "I'm sorry."


	29. Chapter 29

_**1980** _

**_Billy ran into the hospital and met Simone in the lobby of the emergency room. He was frantic. So frantic he didn't realize he was still clutching Julia's bear. Simone was equally unhinged, having drug Daisy from the shower and calling 911, trying to keep her lucid until they arrived. She hadn't been able to reach Billy until Daisy had already been admitted and sedated._ **

**_"Billy, I'm so sorry..." Simone was pacing and ran to him. They held onto each other in less of_** **_a hug and more of a posture of just holding each other up._ **

**_"What happened??" Billy was trying to read her face. All she had said on the phone was that Daisy had an emergency and he needed to get there as soon as possible._ **

**_"I thought I took all of her pills. There were pills. Painkillers they sent her home with. I thought I hid them..." Simone was spouting words that she still couldn't stop feeling guilty about. It washed over Billy and he ran his hand through his hair and closed his eyes to it._ **

**_"Daisy..." he was willing himself not to cry, "where is she?" Simone was still holding him as she gestured to the room they had taken her to._ **

**_"They pumped her stomach. We couldn't tell what she had taken..." Billy pushed from her and down the hallway. A doctor stopped him just outside her room, Simone just behind him._ **

**_"We can't let you in until we move her to a room. Are you family?"_ **

**_Billy swallowed hard._ **

**_"Yes. She's my...wife."_ **

**_He was getting into that room. The doctor looked him over and then looked at Simone, before he nodded an ok._ **

**_Billy's heart sank as he saw her. Simone took his free hand. She felt it, too. The same awful helplessness they had felt in Pennsylvania. Billy leaned over and put his hands on his knees for support. Simone put her hand on his back and the other on her mouth. But they were both comforted by the fact that her signs looked and sounded stable. No oxygen, one IV._ **

**_Billy stood and turned to Simone._ **

**_"Do you mind...if I have a minute?" Simone nodded and took a glance at Daisy before leaving the room._ **

**_Billy moved to Daisy's bedside and rolled a stool to sit. He took her hand and squeezed it. He leaned over and rested his head on it, just glad to be touching her._ **

**_"Billy..." she said as she came to. He raised his head and looked at her. Her eyes weren't open and he_** **_wondered if she even knew he was there._ **

**_"I'm here, baby. I'm here." He rolled his thumb over her hand. She opened her eyes and let them fall on him before pulling her hand away. His heart sunk._**

_**"Daisy...please don't do this..." Billy's voice and heart were breaking. He wanted to mourn, to live in this moment with her, and she wasn't letting him. And she was mourning in a way he couldn't sit back and watch.** _

_**She looked away from him. He swallowed hard, determined not to let her push him away. He lifted Julia's bear to her and moved it gently in her line of vision. He moved the bear's arms the same way he would to make Julia laugh. Only, it worked with Julia. He tried hard to smile.**_

**_"Julia wanted you to have this, Daisy Jones." Daisy looked at the bear, but didn't react. Billy moved it again before laying it gently on her chest. She was still a long while before finally moving her hand over it._ **

**_"You told Julia." She looked at the bear. Billy couldn't read the tone of her voice and he was anxious to answer, worried that he would do it wrong. He swallowed hard._ **

**_"I did."_ **

**_"You didn't think I would want to be there with you?" Her voice was hard and cold. Billy rocked back from her._ **

**_"Daisy...you don't want to be anywhere with me."_ **

**_"And yet...here you are..." She finally turned and looked at him. Her eyes were glassy and empty. Billy fought against it. He fought against it hard._ **

**_"Please don't do this...I love you too much."_**

**_He could feel the pushing and pulling and he was losing ground and confidence quickly._ **

_**"You need to leave, Billy." Daisy turned her face from him and he knew it wasn't a request.** _

**_"I'm not leaving. I'm gonna stay here with you and talk to these doctors about how we can make you better...."_ **

**_She laughed to_ ** **_herself. It was unnatural._ **

**_"Make me better? Go be with your kids, Billy. You still have them."_ **

**_He took her hand. He knew her anger was misplaced. That didn't stop it from hurting._**

**_"We have them. The girls need you, too. You're not gonna make me explain to Julia that her best friend isn't around anymore. I'm asking you..Daisy...please. I need you. Ok? We need you. Don't do this."_ **

**_"I said get out. And not just here. I want you gone when I get home. It's over, Billy. It's not working. It wasn't meant to work."_ **

**_"Daisy....please...he was mine, too...."_ **

**_His voice was failing him and he grabbed at the bear on Daisy's chest, brushing her hand. She turned away from him and pushed the call button. He had lied to get himself in there and she was about to call him out on it._ **

**_"Billy Dunne escorted by police from Daisy Jones' hospital room" she muttered to herself as the chime outside her doorway started to ring. Billy pushed himself from the stool, leaving Daisy alone with Julia's bear._ **

**_________________________________________________________ **

**Simone:** When he came back out, I knew right away that something was wrong. His face was pained. I didn't know what to tell him. What do you say to someone like that? I wanted to believe in my heart that Daisy wasn't trying to do something stupid. And I think he did, too. But we knew her better.

 **Billy:** I just couldn't process one more thing. All I could think was...she doesn't love you enough. That's all this is. If she loved you enough, or you loved her harder...or sooner...or better...this wouldn't have happened. Wouldn't BE happening. But it was. Here was this woman I loved, who was hurting, and I couldn't do anything to help. All I could seem to do was make it worse. [He pauses] I was really pretty good at that.

 **Simone:** He walked past the check in desk and towards me. I waited a long while for him to talk and I could tell he was just...trying to find the words. Finally he just told me...to take care of her. I didn't have a chance to argue or ask what he meant or for how long. I just let him go.

 **Billy:** I got back in the car and just drove. I got on the PCH and drove north. I had no idea where I was going. I drove til I ran out of gas.

 **Simone** : I went back into her room and she was awake. Laying there clutching this...your...bear. She turned to me and started crying. She was just so broken. I had seen her broken before. But this...I didn't know how to talk her off this ledge. But I also wasn't gonna handle her with kid gloves. That just wasn't who I was.

 **Daisy** : Simone sat down, in this way that she looked like a police officer. Interrogating me. I just needed to figure out if she was good cop or bad cop.

 **Simone** : I asked her what she was doing. Like, really doing.

 **Daisy** : She told me not to push Billy away. That I loved him and he loved me. [pause] Of course we loved each other. That wasn't the problem. Not this time. But I was never going to be Camila. And I knew that deep down he would always wish I could be.

 **Julia** : I know this is difficult, and you don't have to answer, but did you want to kill yourself that day?

 **Daisy** : [Long pause] I think I did. I remember being so upset and lonely and sad. And I still had these phantom pains, they felt like movement, and I kept having to remind myself that he was gone. My baby was gone. I didn't want to feel that anymore. And with every lying movement in my body I remembered the first time I felt it. Your dad's face on my stomach. It was all I could see. How happy he was, how happy we were. I couldn't get that back. I wanted that pain to go away. I had found the pills in Simone's coat. I took a few just hoping I would fall asleep. But I couldn't make myself stop. When Simone came in I thought....I hope it's Billy. I want to see him one more time. Which is...not what a sane person thinks.

 **Simone** : She promised me it was an accident. That she didn't mean to take as much as she did. That it wouldn't happen again. I told her I didn't believe her. That between Billy and I we were going to see to it that she was not left alone at all, and that she got some help. That's when she told me she had kicked him out.

 **Daisy** : I didn't think he would give up that easily. But I think I had really hurt him. And I can't blame him for it. 

**Simone** : I was so angry. At her for pushing him out. At myself for letting him go. I told her fine...Rod and I would do it. But we were not going to let her destroy herself. I told her that people lose babies everyday and that it was her job to make that baby proud no matter where he was and there would be other chances for her...I was just spitballing and nothing worked. Nothing worked.

______________________________________________

_**1980** _

**_Camila hugged Karen long and hard before she got out of the car. She had to let Graham in. She knew that Karen knew that better than anyone. She remembered their first conversation about Graham. That she knew Karen didn't love him as hard and as deep as he loved her. And now he had someone who did. Even that was reason enough for her to want to get better. She steeled herself to her fear and walked into the house. She had left Graham mad and hurt and she was pretty sure that was exactly how she would find him. She opened the door and the house was remarkably quiet._ **

**_She flung her purse onto the coat hanger by the door and her coat followed suit. Graham appeared from the kitchen, leaning on the door frame as he dried his hands in a towel._ **

**_"Hi." She whispered to him._ **

**_"Hi." He returned. She looked around._ **

**_"It's quiet." She was looking out the back window for a sign of Cindy or the girls._ **

**_"They are asleep. Performed a Christmas miracle and got the twins to sleep at the same time. And Billy just brought Julia back. She was toast. So she laid down."_ **

**_Camila let herself laugh a little._ **

**_"Wow, Graham Dunne, that is a Christmas miracle."_ **

**_She walked past him into the kitchen and opened the freezer, grabbing a quart of ice cream and stopping at a drawer to grab a spoon. She lifted herself onto the counter and opened the carton, digging her spoon into it and taking several mouthfuls before offering him some. Graham was all but stalking the kitchen, waiting for her to fill him in. He moved towards her and let her put a spoonful of chocolate ice cream into his mouth before wiping the corner of it._ **

**_"I love you, you know?" He whispered to her. Putting his own doubt and hurt aside._ **

**_"I know." She answered with her mouth full, trying to stay light and positive for her own sake as much as his. She hopped off the counter and kicked her shoes off as she put the ice cream away. Graham was desperately trying to read her body language. She turned to him and leaned against the counter._ **

**_"I want you to teach me how to play guitar." She ordered. Graham was taken aback and tried not to laugh._ **

**_"Ummmmm...ok...." He responded, closing a little bit of space between them._ **

**_"Like, really play. Maybe well enough to play on the album. At least one song. I want to learn one song. We can start tonight."_ **

**_"Ok. Ok, we can do that."_ **

**_"And I'm going to teach you how to cook. Like, really cook. No more macaroni and cheese. You need to know how to really cook. Good, authentic, spicy food for my girls."_ **

**_Her confidence was starting to break, and Graham reached her. He leaned on the counter beside her._ **

**_"Ok, Camila. I can do that."_ **

**_"And you need to learn how to speak Spanish. My girls need to know how to speak fluent Spanish and their dad's Spanish...es may malo."_ **

**_"Muy malo. I don't know what you are saying, but...si...."_ **

**_"And you'll have to fix things with Billy...you have to..." Her voice gave out and Graham took her hand. His own shaking._ **

**_"What did they say, honey? Please talk to me...."_ **

**_She forced herself to look him in the eye and she made herself smile even as tears ran over her cheeks freely now._ **

**_"I...I'll start chemo in two days. And take it from there." She put on a smile and he wiped her cheek, letting his hand linger there._ **

**_"And...they think you'll be ok?" Camila closed her hand over his on her face, closing her eyes as she leaned in to it._ **

**_"You become this town's hottest chef and I become the next big thing...and I think we will all be ok." She winked at him and he smiled sadly at her._ **

**_"None of that, Graham Dunne. Don't look at me like I'm dying. I will kick your ass right out of this house." She started to break down mid-sentence and he puled her into his arms, cradling her and pulling her off the counter as she cried into his shoulder. He hushed her gently and carried her to the couch._ **

**_"I'd take you upstairs but I don't want to spoil the Christmas miracle." She chuckled as he spoke. He laid her down and covered her with a blanket, kissing her forehead._ **

**_"I'm gonna use the john and I'll be right back. Let's just watch TV and eat my shitty mac and cheese for dinner, ok?" He passed her the remote for the TV as he moved for the bathroom._ **

**_He flipped the light on and closed the door, before turning the light right back off. He closed his eyes to the dizziness that was swirling in his skull and eventually fell onto his knees. He put his hands on the cold tile floor and slowly lowered his whole body onto it as his breath became harder and harder to catch. He felt his heart race against the floor as he struggled to breathe right, rolling onto his back. He whispered to himself to calm down...to get it together...but he couldn't stop himself from crying and he could barely see straight. He heard one of the twins crying upstairs and begged himself silently to get up off the floor, but he couldn't move. He just couldn't move._ **

**___________________________________________ **

**Camila:** Remember how I told you that your dad always wore his heart on his sleeve and Graham was like a a vault? [She pauses] That kind of energy...bottling up your emotions for as long as Graham tried to...that takes a toll on a person. It really does.

 **Billy** : I only got as far as Malibu when I had to get gas. I called Rod from a payphone. Let him know where I was. Told him about Daisy. He had talked to Simone. I just needed him to know where I was. That I wasn't doing anything stupid. He told me to go back to the house and talk to Daisy. That I had to keep trying. I knew he was right. I called Camila's house, too. I wanted to make sure everyone was ok. I wanted Graham to know where I was. But Camila answered.

 **Camila** : It took everything I had to not fall apart on the phone with Billy, but I could hear it in his voice that he was fighting his own battles and I wasn't going to be the one to put him right over the damn edge. So I told him everything was fine, and that Karen would fill him in. It was...almost true. He asked for Graham. I told him he had been in the bathroom for awhile, so he must have eaten something that didn't sit right....or something. Then I told him I had to go because the girls were up. He told me he was on his way. I assumed it was to help with the girls. But it sounded more urgent than that.

_________________________________________

 **Julia/Narrator:** In the fall of 1961, in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, a police report was filed when brothers Billy and Graham Dunne broke into the house of a man that they believed to be their father. They later explained to police that they had no intention of property damage or theft, rather they had written letters to the owner of the house that they intended to leave there. The two boys, 12 and 14, were interrupted by a resident of the house and chased through the back yard and down the street with a baseball bat. Billy later recounted that at one point, Graham fell and sprained his ankle, forcing the older brother to carry the younger brother through an alley to evade police. Billy told police that they stopped because Graham couldn't breathe. He was worried that he had hurt himself in the fall because he was crying, unable to catch his breath, and speaking erratically. The boys were taken into custody and their mother, Marlene Dunne, had to come retrieve them from the police station.

When she arrived, Graham had been in the bathroom for almost a half an hour. Billy Dunne was finally able to retrieve him and neither boy talked about what had taken so long. Billy said that Graham got "the nervous shits" and that was all that was on record. No charges were pressed. The owner of the home was, in fact, William Dunne, Sr. who told his ex-wife that evening that he was leaving town, and to tell the boys that they had the wrong guy.

 **Graham** : It didn't happen often. Not when we were kids. But when it did? That kind of blinding panic is really hard to explain, Julia.

 **Billy** : I knew as soon as she told me he was hiding in the bathroom. I knew. It was like the one skeleton in Graham's closet and man he fought to keep it there. I remember one time he told me he would rather people know he was snorting heroin or tripping queludes. Pretty sure I was in rehab at the time...but that's how it was. No one made fun of you for a drug habit. Rock stars had drug habits. They didn't have panic attacks.

 **Graham** : I hadn't had one since the night your dad met your mom. I only remember that because we had played this wedding and we saw him. Our dad. And it got right to me, man. We were packing up gear and I felt it. That tightness in my chest. I saw your dad in the bar making time with this killer brunette and I just...I found the nearest bathroom and bolted. It took him awhile to find me.

 **Julia** : Did you know what was happening to Graham?

 **Billy** : [Long pause] There was a lot about your Uncle Graham that I didn't see when I should have. And I still feel pretty shitty about that.


	30. Chapter 30

**Billy** : I had never been the one to help Graham when he had his panic attacks or anxiety growing up. I didn't really know anything about it. When we were adults, I just brushed it off. I mean, back then mental health was not something you really even thought about. And if it was, it was never something that could happen to you, or someone you loved. No, that was for crazy people. But that day… that day it all made sense. Graham wasn’t a crazy person. He never had been. But something was wrong, and he needed me, and if Daisy wasn’t going to let me in, then I was going to make damn sure that my brother did. 

  
**Camila:** Billy was at our front door... what felt like instantly. I don’t know what kind of speeding records he broke getting there, but his fear and pain definitely fueled him. I opened the door and told him that the girls were sleeping, but he brushed me off and moved straight upstairs to the bathroom. Which amazed me because we had five bathrooms in that house, so the fact that he just knew where his brother would be… it was incredible. 

  
**Billy** : I knocked and knocked and…nothing. I don’t know if it was my fear, my anger, my pain, or my thought that this was going to be another thing that I screwed up, that made me break down the door, but I gave that baby one good hard kick and down it went. I also hurt my ankle in the process and realized that I really needed to stop hitting things because of your Uncle. 

___________

**1980**

_**“Graham…Graham, it’s Billy, let me in. Graham!”** _

_**There was silence on the other side of the door. Panic was setting in on Billy as images of Daisy miscarrying or doping up on a bathroom floor played in his mind, and he feared that he was about to walk into another devastating sight.** _

_**He moved back and ran to the door, using his foot to kick it in, snapping the wood in half.** _

_**He climbed through the break in the door and saw Graham, lying on the floor in a ball, his forehead still touching the cold tiles as he pinched his eyes shut tight and held his stomach.** _

_**“Graham…” Billy whispered as he moved and fell beside his brother, lifting his back so that he would turn to him.** _

_**Graham’s body was tight, and it made it almost impossible for Billy to move him, but Graham helped him and sat up, falling back on his heels. He looked at Billy with foggy, glassy eyes, and a far-off look deep in them as well and just said, “I can’t lose her, man. I can’t”. He crumbled into his brother and Billy stumbled back at the force, wrapping his arm around Graham’s back as he scooched up against the wall and let Graham lay his head in his lap.** _

_**The tears started flowing for both of them as Graham’s body began to shake; still in a tight ball, his face turning to bury itself in Billy’s legs.** _

_**“What’s going on, Graham…” Billy whispered softly as he brushed his little brother’s hair with his fingers.** _

_**“She’s she’s sick Billy really really sick.” He was speaking through sobs and his words were all blended together in one long sentence.** _

_**  
Billy felt his heart tighten as he leaned his head back against the wall.** _

_**  
“How bad…” his voice cracked as he asked.** _

_**  
“Stage three. Almost four… she starts chemo in two days.”** _

_**  
Billy winced, wanting to run downstairs and hold Camila, tell her that he loved her and that she is the best mother to his daughters.  
  
But he stayed.** _

_**“She’s going to be ok, Graham. If I know anything, I know that Camila Dunne doesn’t take shit from anyone or anything. Cancer really fucked up messing with her.”** _

_**Graham laughed softly under him.** _

_**“Yeah…”** _

_**  
“You’re going to be ok, too, man.” Billy’s voice was soft as Graham turned to look at him.** _

_**  
“I won’t be without her.”** _

_**  
And Billy feared that he was right.** _

________

 **Camila** : They were up there for a few hours. I didn’t know if I should go up there and check on them, or leave them alone, but I didn’t hear any screaming or fighting, so I let them have their time. I figured they were talking about me, and I really didn’t want to intrude if they were finally sharing their feelings. That was rare for the Dunne brothers.

  
 **Graham** : If there was ever a time when I needed my brother, it was then. I was just thankful that he was actually there this time. 

  
**Billy** : We fell asleep on that bathroom floor. My head against the wall and Graham’s on my lap. I woke up to Camila shaking me awake and bringing in a tray of food. It was almost midnight and Graham was still sound asleep. I whispered to Camila, “Can you call Simone to see how Daisy is doing?”  
  
  
 **Camila** : I just smiled at him and said, “Already did. She’s fine. Simone and Rod are taking shifts by her bed, and they’re not letting her out of their sight”. That made him relax a little bit. He told me that his legs were asleep and we both laughed at the sight of drool hanging out of Graham’s mouth, dripping onto Billy's jeans. Billy moved him off of his lap slowly. Like painfully slow because he didn’t want to wake him up, and then he stood up, shook his legs out to wake them up, then picked Graham up like he was Julia and carried him to our bed. I knew Graham was beat because he didn’t even stir. I covered him up and then when I turned around to leave, your dad grabbed me and pulled me in for a hug. 

________

**1980**

  
_**Billy clung to Camila like he was afraid she was going to slip away and dissolve right there in his arms. He buried his face in her neck and she wrapped her arms around his waist. She felt his hot breath on her neck as he tried to silence the tears that were coming quickly.** _

_**“Hey hey hey, no…don’t do this. I’m going to be fine. Seriously, Billy… it’s going to be ok.” Camila tried to keep her voice steady and confident, but he knew her better than that.** _

_**He pulled away from her and nodded, holding his breath to stop his tears.** _

_**He exhaled deeply as he whispered, “Yeah… I know.”** _

_**She grabbed his hand and they walked downstairs and into the kitchen where the food she had made for dinner was still sitting out.** _

_**Billy moaned in excitement as he saw the spread.  
  
Left over Christmas tamales, Spanish rice, and homemade red mole, with a side of her famous refried beans. ** _

_**“Oh my God…I have missed this.” Billy slid into a chair and began loading up his plate, realizing he hadn’t eaten all day.** _

_**Camila laughed as she watched him.** _

_**“Yeah, I’m guessing that’s one thing Daisy Jones isn’t great at, making some mean mole.” Her eyes sparkled as she looked at him, but his face dropped.** _

_**“No…no she doesn’t even know how to cook.” He felt a lump growing in his throat, and that made it hard for him to continue eating.** _

_**“Graham told me…” Billy's voice was weak as he spoke.** _

_**Camila nodded slowly as she stood up to pour herself a mug of Mexican hot chocolate.** _

_**  
“I figured he would. Are you ok?”** _

_**  
Billy sat back in his chair and crossed his arms as he looked at her with amazement.** _

_**“You’re the one going through hell and you’re asking me if I’M ok? Good God, you are amazing Camila Dunne.”** _

_**Camila sat back down and held the mug in her hands, letting the heat warm her bones.  
  
She leaned forward and got serious. ** _

_**  
“Billy, I need you to listen to me and I need you to let me finish before you say anything.”** _

_**  
Billy nodded as he leaned forward to rest his elbows on the table.** _

_**  
“I am going to fight like hell to beat this. I am going to claw, and scrape and I will not go down without a fight. But… but if it doesn’t end the way we all want it to, I need you to promise me some things.”** _

_**Billy swallowed hard and managed to squeak out an, “ok”.** _

_**  
“First, make sure the girls stay close to my family. Please…take them to Pennsylvania and get my family out here as much as possible. Let Julia spend time with my sisters and make sure my girls know how to cook everything I do. Make sure…make sure they stay connected to their culture on my side. Make sure they know Spanish. Take them to Mass every Christmas eve, even if you hate it. Don’t let Maria get lost in the shuffle of Julia and Susana’s big personalities. Learn our girls; every detail of them, so that you can be there for them in the way THEY need, if I’m gone.”** _

_**  
Billy’s elbows were pushing into the table as he covered his mouth with the sides of his fists, tears escaping his eyes slowly.** _

  
_**“Let them each have a part of my wedding dress so that they can add it to the dress they choose someday, and still have me close to them when they walk down the aisle…” Her voice was breaking but she was pushing through.** _

_**“Don’t… don’t let the twins forget about me. Don’t hide pictures because it’s too hard and don’t give all of my clothes to charity. Tell them stories about me. Save…save some of my hair when I start to lose it and always keep this house stocked with my favorite perfume because I don’t want them to forget what I smelled like. When my Abuela died, I remember wanting to smell the smell that was…her. A sweet, flowery scent that made me feel warm and cozy. But her perfume was discontinued, and I haven’t been able to find it since. I wish I would have had it stocked up in my house so I could still smell that smell. Make sure the girls have that…” Tears were falling down her cheeks as she continued to get out everything she needed to.** _

_**“Please take care of my parents. They love you… even if you’re not technically their son anymore, you will always be to them. They need you in their lives too."** _

_**Billy sniffed back his tears as he ran his fingers through his hair, elbows still on the table, hands resting on his forehead.** _

_**Camila paused as she inhaled and tried to steady herself.  
  
“Take care of Graham. Please, Billy. He’s been through so much in his life and he is such a pure soul… his heart has been put through the shredder one too many times and I…” she stopped to push down a sob.** _

_**“…and I'm about to put it through the wringer again. I love him. So much. I’m sorry if that hurts to hear or if that’s weird, but I do. He filled a hole in my heart that I never even knew was there. He showed me what it’s like to be free and he kissed my heart back to life when I didn’t know if I would ever be whole again. He loves me deeply and in just a short time, he has shown me a whole new world. But most importantly, he loves YOU. My God, he loves you. Even when he’s mad at you… even when he hates you…he adores you. Inside that precious heart of his, he’s still that five year old little boy who just wants to ride down the big hill on his cool sled with his big brother. Make sure you do that when you take the girls back to Pittsburgh.”** _

_**Billy stretched his arm out across the table and reached for her hand. She took it but said, “I’m not done yet.”** _

_**He looked at her and bit his lip, forcing himself to let her finish.** _

_**“And last but not least… take care of Daisy Jones. That woman… that woman is good for you. I can’t believe I’m saying that but… I’ve seen how you two need each other. How she filled holes in your heart like Graham did for me. She needs you to save her in a way I never did, and I think that has been a lifesaver for you. I know she’s angry right now. I know she’s hurt and she’s taking it out on you. But please…don’t give up on her. You’re all she has left.”** _

_**Her voice drifted off at the end of her sentence and Billy stood up and moved to her, kneeling in front of her and burying his face in her stomach as he sobbed.** _

_**She played with his hair as she rocked him, and he finally looked up at her with all of the pain of his world in his eyes.** _

_**“I love you. Do you know that? I always have, and I always will, and I will do all of that that you asked, to the best of my ability. I am here if you need anything. ANYTHING. Just say the word.”** _

_**Camila touched his cheek with the side of her hand.** _

_**“Anything?”** _

_**He nodded.** _

_**“Go home, Billy. Be there for Daisy. She needs you now. I’ll be ok. Graham’s got me.” She smiled a weak smile and they heard one of the twins starting to cry upstairs.** _

_**Billy turned to go upstairs, but she touched his arm to stop him.** _

_**“Let me. I need this time.” She was smiling but her eyes were serious, and he knew what she was saying.  
  
So he kissed her on the cheek and went home to Daisy Jones.** _

____________

 **Simone** : When Billy walked back into the house, he looked like death. His shoulders were slumped, his eyes were red and swollen, he was limping on his ankle, his jeans had drool on them, his shirt was wrinkled, and his hair was a mess. And not the good, sexy kind of messy hair. He looked like he had been through war. His eyes were barely open, and he was exhausted. Rod was sleeping on the couch and Daisy had been in bed all day, so I had been on guard duty. He looked at me and I just pointed in the direction of their bedroom, and he walked right past me slowly, a hobbling mess.

  
 **Billy** : I didn’t want anyone in my house right then. I just wanted to be alone with Daisy and to hold her and tell her everything that was happening with Camila and to just…breathe. But I knew that that wasn’t going to be realistic, so I was thankful for Rod and Simone. They had stopped everything they were doing and had come to our rescue countless times. I still don’t feel like I can ever repay them.

  
 **Daisy** : I heard Billy come into the room, and I heard him kick off his shoes and take off his shirt and sigh a heavy sigh. He sounded like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders and all I could think about was that I did that to him. Me losing our baby…failing at being a mother... it was breaking him. I didn’t want him anywhere around me, but yet I was desperate for him. When he climbed into the bed next to me and wrapped an arm around me, I let my guard down and let him hold me. He kept a space between us at first, but we slowly moved our bodies closer to each other until my back was against his chest. He wrapped his arm around me, and his hand landed on my stomach and…I just cried. I started wailing. The kind of sobs that are so deep, no sound comes out. The last time Billy had touched my stomach, our son was moving inside of me. Now I was just an empty vessel. Graham was right… I was a ticking time bomb and I was about to explode.

  
 **Camila** : The day between getting the news about my cancer and starting chemo, was a blur. I know I spent it soaking up time with you girls and holding Graham as close as possible. Oh, and I started teaching him the basics of spices and Mexican cuisine. He was determined to learn and I gotta say, he was a quick study. He didn’t like mole though and he told me that he was determined to get so good at cooking, that he could make his own kick ass sauce. I laughed at him and his innocence back then, but now…[she smirks]

  
 **Graham** : I actually really enjoyed cooking. And Camila was so light and breezy, it was almost easy to forget that she was about to go through the fire. But I noticed her doing things when she thought I wasn’t looking. Like… she started three little recipe books with all of the recipes she could think of for you girls. She sent her wedding dress to the cleaners and had it shining bright, ready to go for you three someday. And she started writing a lot. I didn’t know if she was journaling, or writing letters, or what, but she was never much of a writer, so it made my heart sink to see. I didn’t like that she was making preparations. I needed her focused on getting better, not making sure we would be taken care of if she was gone.

 **  
Camila** : I was determined to learn the guitar, and Graham was such a patient teacher. I was horrible! But it was fun, and I knew with practice, I would get better. The first day of my chemotherapy, they took me in the back room and set me up in that big beige chair, and Graham brought his guitar and stayed with me the whole time. It was hours at the hospital and he never complained. He played the guitar, sang to me, played games with me, read me a book…and that was just the first day. I know Billy would have been there if he could have been, but I knew Daisy needed him too. Karen showed up and sat with us for a while but she was also doing some studio work so she couldn’t stay long. But it meant the world to me to have my guy and my girl there with me. When I watched them play and sing together for me, I thought, “I’m gonna beat this”. And the first week I really believed that. And the second week too. But by the third…


	31. Chapter 31

_**1980** _

_**Billy had spent the days since Daisy’s hospitalization trying to figure out what to do to honor his son in a way that might help Daisy to heal. It was no easy task. And he was running out of time. He was trying to give her space but also hoping every day she was going to start letting him back in.**_  
  
 _ **Billy had returned from Camila’s the night before and Daisy had let him sleep in their bed. He hadn’t even thought about it until that night, and he was glad that she was able to stave off her usual rejection. He needed her. Badly. He fell asleep pressing his face into the nape of her neck but careful to not push her boundaries.**_  
  
 _ **When he woke up, he was alone.**_  
  
 _ **He heard her in the shower and fought against the urge to join her. They showered together most mornings. And while he did peek to make sure she was ok, he moved to the kitchen for a much needed cup of coffee. Simone was already there, wrapped in a kimono, pouring him a mug.**_  
  
 _ **“I feel like I should know this but how do you take your coffee?” She asked as she poured it.**_  
  
 _ **“Black.” He muttered, rubbing his face to wake up.**_  
  
 _ **“There’s a joke there I’m not even gonna touch this early in the morning.” She turned and smiled, passing him a mug over the island.**_  
  
 _ **“How’s Camila?” Simone asked carefully. Billy shook his head.**_  
  
 _ **“Tough as nails. But...it is what it is. Thank you. For asking.”**_  
  
 _ **She circled the island and kissed his cheek, patting his shoulder.**_  
  
 _ **“I’m just gonna clean up and take a walk. Good luck today. I won’t be far.”**_  
  
 _ **Billy placed his hand on hers as she pulled it from his shoulder and walked towards her guest room.**_  
 _ **Daisy hovered in the bedroom as long as she could, and Billy sat with his cup of coffee patiently waiting for her.**_  
  
 _ **Simone had told her that he was coming to the house today. And she had told her why.**_  
  
 _ **Daisy finally appeared in the den in a long black coat. Her hair was half pulled back and half down. She was devoid of her usual bangles.**_  
  
 ** _“God, I miss you.” That was the first thing he could manage and he wasn’t even sure if he meant for her to hear it. But she cocked her head and acknowledged him. It was a start. She was actually looking at him._**  
  
 _ **“How are the girls?” She asked.**_  
  
 _ **“They miss you, too. But...they’re good. Julia lost a tooth. That cute smile looks pretty tragic right now, you should see it.”**_  
  
 _ **He was working so hard to have a normal conversation, and even though she didn’t answer him, she did allow herself a tiny smile. They hadn’t spoken in days and she missed even the sound of his voice.**_  
  
 _ **“She asked if you knew the tooth fairy...if that tells you where you rank with Julia Dunne.”**_  
  
 _ **Daisy grabbed her purse.**_  
  
 _ **“What’s the plan? Simone said you had a plan....”**_  
  
 _ **Billy’s heart fluttered slightly. His fingers fiddled anxiously. He stood, leaving the rest of his coffee on the counter, and moved about half way across the room to her.**_  
  
 _ **“Daisy...I know this has been hard. I know you...you don’t want me here. But...we have to do this. Together. Dr. Reid has Bear. And...I know you wanted to do something special for him....”**_  
  
 _ **“Bear is gone. Dr. Reid has a box of bones. And I changed my mind. I don’t want to go to Pittsburgh.”**_  
  
 _ **Billy swallowed. Her voice was sharp and edgy. She was unphased by his plea to be together in this.**_  
  
 _ **“Ok. We aren’t go to Pittsburgh. I just...will you come with me? Please?”**_  
  
 _ **Daisy fiddled with her purse before putting it over her shoulder and walking out the front door. Billy grabbed his coat and threw it on as he followed.**_  
  
 _ **They drove in silence. They didn’t even put the radio on which was an absolutely rare occasion for either of them. It was foggy when they made it to Dr. Reid’s office and Billy left the car running as he ran to the door, exchanged a small box with Dr. Reid, and ran back to the car. Daisy found herself hardly able to look at him. Billy gently placed the box in the back and continued driving. Silently.**_  
  
 _ **Before long, Daisy knew where they were going. The long and winding roads through West Hollywood.**_  
  
 _ **Teddy Price’s House.**_  
  
 _ **Billy pulled into the round driveway and shut the car off. She looked around, confused.**_  
  
 _ **“Why are we here, Billy?” Daisy finally asked. Billy grabbed at the steering wheel and hoped his words all came out in the right order. He shifted his weight and turned to her.**_  
  
 _ **“Daisy...I was lost when Teddy died. Really lost. And it’s as close as I can come to even imagining how you feel right now. But...I also...I’ve felt him with me every day since. It sounds crazy I know but I really feel him. I’m not really much of a big believer in God or heaven...but I’m telling you right now: he’s here. He’s been with me, with us, since the day he died. And I just feel like...it makes me less scared for Bear knowing that Teddy is up there looking after him. Teddy...and Bear. I mean...they have to be together, right?” He pushed his lips into a smile and even though she didn’t turn to face him, he saw her wipe a tear in her reflection on the passenger window.**_  
  
 _ **He got out of the car, gently lifted the box and rounded the car to help her out. He offered his hand and she took it. He led her around the landscaped side of the house until they reached the terraced entrance to the pool. He had been in touch with Yasmine, who still lived in the house, and visited several times that week to make some preparations.**_  
  
 _ **He walked her into a small alcove in the garden and revealed a tiny hole he had dug in the ground. A small plaque with the baby's name. Surrounded by daisies he had planted there. She stood silently and took it all in. He felt her hand shake in his, and gently placed the box on the ground.**_  
  
 _ **“You said you wanted him to be where all the good things happen. Good things happened here, too. I found you here. We found each other here. And we will find each other again. I know this is not what we wanted. I know this hurts. It’s killing me and I can’t even begin to imagine how it feels for you. God, Daisy Girl I wish I could. Look, I said I wanted to make you better? I don’t want to make you better. I want you just the way you are. You and I are gonna live in these broken bones whether we want to or not. I just....I don’t want to live in them without you anymore. I can't do it.”**_  
  
 _ **Billy knelt down and reached into his pocket.**_  
  
 _ **“Billy, no. Don’t do this...” Daisy was quivering. Her whole body trembling in the winter breeze and the implications of what he was about to do. But she stopped him with a refusal before he even got the question out.**_  
  
 _ **“Daisy, please....”**_  
  
 _ **“Don’t ask me, Billy, because I won’t give you the answer you want and I don’t want to do that to you. So please just don’t ask.”**_  
  
 _ **He managed to stand back up after kneeling, in shock, for what felt like hours to him.**_  
  
 _ **“You think marrying me will make this better and it won’t. You think you have to marry me because it’s the noble thing to do, or because I need that. And I don’t.”**_  
  
 _ **Billy’s jaw clenched under her words but she was as stoic as she had been since the day they lost him.**_  
  
 ** _“I want to marry you because I love you....” he let the words hang unanswered for a long while, choking back embarrassment and hurt, “tell me you don’t love me, Daisy, and I’ll go. I’ll give you that. If you can look me in the eyes and make me believe that is really what you want.”_**  
  
 _ **Billy had his hand on the ring in his pocket and he spun it nervously, sure she couldn’t do it. That even if she said it he wouldn’t believe her. She sighed uneasily.**_  
  
 _ **“Billy. I don’t love you the way you want me to. I’m sorry.”**_  
  
 _ **And just like that, he believed her. He nodded slowly and let go of the ring in his pocket. He made himself smile, and shook his head slightly. Suddenly he was the one unable to look at her.**_  
  
 _ **“Alright, Daisy Jones.”**_  
  
 _ **She stood silently staring at him as he fumbled for a painful eternity.**_  
  
 _ **“Do what you have to do. I’ll be in the car.”**_  
  
 _ **Billy picked the tiny box up and sat it in the piece of land he had already unearthed. He tucked his hands in his pockets and pulled his collar up around his ears. He walked to the car like he was wading through mud, climbed in and closed the door, hoping that the howl of the wind would cover his yelling and pounding on the steering wheel.**_  
  
 _ **Daisy sat herself down in the dirt. She stared at the box. She moved it slightly, noticing something else buried. A Polaroid. It was one she had never seen. Someone had taken it the night that Billy Dunne and Daisy Jones had danced on the piano to Jackie Wilson Said. You could almost make Karen out on the piano. She ran her fingers over it and noticed something she hadn’t that night: the smiles on their faces. Even if they didn’t know it then: they were in love. Billy had written on the bottom. Dated it. And wrote “we will always love you, little man.” Daisy saw her tears fall on it and turn the loose dirt to mud. She dropped it on top of the box like it was too hot to hold anymore. She pushed the dirt on top of it and stared at the stone. **_  
  
_**“I love you so much, Bear. I’m sorry this is the way it went down for us. Please stay with me, ok? And watch over your dad.”**_  
  
 _ **She straightened up and wiped her face. She didn’t tell him...but Billy’s words about Teddy sat in her deeply. She had always felt surrounded by Teddy, and she wanted to believe that she would feel that with their baby, too. And that somehow...Teddy has with him and would love him like he had loved them. Deeply and true.**_  
  
 _ **The way she was trying to hide loving Billy.**_  
  
 _ **She dreaded the car ride home but walked back to the Swinger and climbed inside. She turned her back to him and looked out the window. The car was already running. They rode in silence until about half way home, along the Pacific Coast Highway, when Billy asked Daisy to roll her window down. She figured he needed fresh air as much as she did. She rolled it down and watched him as he reached into his pocket, pulling out the ring he had in it. It was a vintage emerald that caught the light just as it sailed past her and out the window, over the guard rail and into the rocky Pacific. He threw it so hard he almost caught her chin.**_  
  
 _ **“You can roll it up now.” He huffed.**_  
  
 _ **They got to the pink house and he pulled off before she had even closed the door completely.**_  
  
____________________________  
  
 **Daisy** : We had some low points. That was probably the lowest. And I didn’t know til later that it was coming on the heels of Camila’s diagnosis. I had been so wrapped up in my own misery. When he left me at the house, Simone was waiting with a cup of tea.  
  
 **Simone** : I saw her coming in alone, saw him speed off. I couldn’t tell her how to live her life - believe me I had tried - but I sure wanted to in that moment.  
  
 **Daisy** : I went into my room, I passed on the tea. Even Simone made me sad. I sat on my bed and I noticed your bear. I called your house.  
  
 **Camila** : Daisy called and I was so relieved to hear her voice. She didn’t sound great, but she was up to a phone call. That was good. And we had so much to say to each other. She wanted to see you girls. And you had been asking and asking. I wanted to give her some time. I was so keenly aware of you girls not picking up on the stress in the house that it made me nervous to add more. So we set up a dinner date the following week. I wanted to get a treatment under my belt and settle into this new normal.  
  
 **Daisy** : It was the first thing I had looked forward to in awhile. When I told her your dad wouldn’t come with me she just said, “oh.”  
  
 **Camila** : Billy wasn’t coming with her. And I knew what that meant. And it wasn't good. My first thought was...I hope someone has him on a leash somewhere cause if it wasn’t going to be the booze or the drugs he’d probably be self medicating with...whoever knows who.  
  
 **Billy** : Did I sleep around after Daisy broke things off? I’m gonna pretend you didn’t ask that.  
  
 **Julia** : Ok. Let’s try again. Did you sleep with other women after you slept with Daisy Jones?  
  
 **Billy** : No. And you’re buying me dinner after this.  
  
 **Camila** : You did not ask him that?  
  
 **Daisy** : Jules, I knew I loved you.  
  
 **Camila** : [Pause] Well what did he say?  
  
 **Daisy** : [Longer pause] Sooooo...did he?  
  
 **Julia** : Read the book.

______________________________  
  
 _ **1980**_

_** Billy found himself back at the dive bar just south of Cedars Sinai Hospital. Part of him wondering if he chose that bar because he knew Rod might go looking for him there.  ** _

_** He drummed his fingers on the bar and felt his heart pounding. Daisy had relapsed so why shouldn’t he? And who would it really bother at this point. He had to stay strong for Graham but he was telling himself that one drink or one night and he could still do that. ** _

_** “You look familiar...” a voice shook him from staring at the bottle of Jose Cuervo behind the bar. His mouth watered. He turned and locked eyes with a woman who had just pulled up the stool next to him and was hanging her coat on the back of it. She looked too put together to be in a place like this. She looked like she was just there killing time before she went into Hollywood. She looked dressed to kill in a short gold dress and matching heels. She looked...like she wanted him. ** _

**_“I have one of those faces...” he answered slowly._ **

****

**_“It’s a sad face....” she moved her stool closer to him and put her hand on his, tilting her head and looking at the bottle of tequila._ **

****

**_“You could buy me a shot...” she purred as she leaned into him, her lips almost on his ear._ **

**_“I could....” Billy turned in his stool to face her, opening himself up._ **

****

**_“Or we could not bother...and save you five dollars....”_ **

**_She looked over his shoulder at the bathroom down the hall and then slowly rose from her stool, walking towards it, dragging her hand across his back as she did. He sat for a moment, watching her duck into the bathroom, her coat and purse still on the stool. He felt torn apart...wanting her, needing a drink, and knowing he should just cut and run._ **

**_Stone cold sober but unable to make out in his mind how he even got to the bathroom, her hands were up his shirt even as he locked the door._ **

****

**_“I want you to fuck me so hard...”_ **

****

**_He didn’t speak, just lifted her dress all the way off revealing her naked body underneath, and it glowed like it was covered in glitter under the dim bulb hanging above them._ **

**_“Fuck...” he muttered before taking her nipple into his mouth and sucking on her perfect bronze breast. He was fumbling with his pants and pushed them down around his knees. He pushed her hard into the wall and bit down on her impossibly hard nipple until she screamed, digging her clawed hands into his shoulder._ **

****

**_“You got a wife at home?? Should I be careful?! I don’t want to mark someone else’s man.” Her voice was low and electric._ **

**_“No.”_ **

****

**_He reached between her legs and forced three fingers right inside of her, making her howl. She was writhing against this filthy bathroom wall and thrusting her wanting hips into his hand as he finger fucked her so hard she had to beg him to slow down.It was raw and rough and wrong._ **

**_She grabbed a hold of his aching cock and they both moved together before he took his fingers from her and spun her into the wall. She threw her hands on it and lifted her ass and that’s where he buried himself. Deep and hard into her with no warning as he reached around to finger her sopping wet pussy. He moaned and thrust and shut his eyes to anything except_ ** **_the heat that was building in his gut and the tight pressure around his length as he felt himself on the brink. Weeks of anguish and hurt and pain were all ready to just evacuate his body in twenty seconds of uninterrupted bliss. The woman he was fucking screamed hard as she came on his hands...literally_** **_spraying the wall in front of them with her orgasm. It set him on fire and he unloaded deep into her from behind, pushing and thrusting into her like he had been desperate to have someone welcome his come for weeks.They screamed together. Soaking that bathroom like fifteen people had fucked in it and not just two._**

_** He held her hips as she came down from her high and then pulled himself from her with a slight pop, not waiting for his erection to completely dissipate.  ** _

_** She turned and moved to stroke him but he pulled from her and replaced his pants around his hips. He was fastening his pants as she threaded her arms through the gold dress that had just been laying on this sticky bathroom floor. He tried not to think about it.  ** _

_** “That was something else. Thank you.” ** _

_** “Be safe out there...wherever it is you’re off to...” Billy Dunne hadn’t had to experience the awkwardness of sending off someone whose name he didn’t know...who was leaving the room full of his cum...in a very, very long time.  ** _

**_ “You could come with me...I can show you a good time.” She winked and moved into him. _ **

**_ “You just did. You go ahead and leave first...” It came out colder than he intended but she smiled anyway. _ **

_** “You be safe out there, too...” she opened the door before turning back to him, “oh...and if you want to write a song about me that would be ok, too.” She winked. He felt sick. ** _

_** He told himself it was better than having that drink. He wondered if Daisy or Camila would have agreed. He turned and let himself throw up before cleaning his body and face in the sink, and heading to the studio to write. ** _

  
  
______________________________  
  
 _ **Billy Dunne’s Journal**_  
 _ **January 24, 1980**_  
  
 _ **Julia,**_  
  
 _ **Hey, toothless. Your grumpy old dad again. The weird guy with the beard that lives in the studio behind the Pink House.**_  
  
 _ **Writing because I’m missing you today. I’m sitting here trying to wrap up this album and everyone else is at your house watching you try to eat Mexican street corn with no front teeth and I’d rather be there, baby girl. But, really, you and Maria are probably the only ones who notice I’m gone and I’m sorry about that.**_  
  
 _ **We have some solid tunes. We really need one more great ballad. Your mom keeps asking to play guitar on a track. She’s really not half bad. Your tambourine work on She and Him is nothing short of brilliant, I can tell you that much. Daisy needs to get back out here and work on fine tuning some vocals. But lately she only comes out here when I’m gone. So we are recording everything in waves: me and Uncle Ram and then Daisy and Karen. What a mess, huh?**_

_**I think I’m draggin’ my feet in this whole album because I get the sneaking suspicion when we are done...WE are done. Daisy and me. Which is maybe the worst for you. How do I explain to you that your Daisy Jones doesn’t like me much anymore? Your mom and Uncle Ram can at least pretend to like me most of the time. Daisy Jones will always sell you straight, that’s for sure.**_   
  
_**You're growing up pretty fast, Jules. You’re taking such good care of mommy. She is so tired and she tells me all the time how lucky she is to have you. The rest of us do our best but man are you good at knowing how to love people just the way they need to be loved. You got that from your mama and it’s only fitting you use it to love her as hard as she loves everyone else.** _   
  
**_I don’t know what the future holds, Julia. I don’t know what you’ll feel about me when you’re old enough to read this. But I sure hope I’m around to see it. And I hope, God I hope so hard, Julia, that your mom is, too. And Daisy. And all the people who love you, you sweet little firecracker. Cause I don't know about you but I am already feeling pretty lost without them._ **   
  
_**I’ll see you soon.** _   
_**Dad.** _


	32. Chapter 32

**Camila** : Chemo was sitting with me surprisingly well…at first. I didn’t really feel nauseous, and the time sped by pretty quickly and… I thought I had just gotten extremely lucky. But by that third week… everything hit me at once. Dr. Reid had been handling everything up to that point, because things were so different back then, but when I took a turn for the worst, he connected me with an oncologist at another hospital. Dr. Sasha Peters was remarkable. She was a breast cancer survivor herself and just an all-around superhuman. The switch to a different hospital was easier than I expected. There were more people there getting their treatments and chemo as well, so it was nice to make some new friends who understood what I was going through. Like Tara Smith from South Carolina who had the sweetest accent and the most golden honey eyes. She was a mom of four and she had the same fears I did about making it through for our kids. That third week was when the nausea hit. The inability to eat or really keep any fluids down also hit…and my hair started falling out in clumps. The first time I noticed it on my pillow, I tried to hide it from Graham. I swept it up and flushed it down the toilet, then tied my hair up in a high ponytail and called it a day. But chemo made me tired too. So tired. I was sleeping in later and later, and Graham was having to step up and help more and more. One day he was collecting all of our dirty laundry from around our room and I woke up, still nauseous and exhausted, but needing him. He dropped everything on the floor and came and laid with me. When I lifted my head up to kiss him… a lot more than a clump was lying on my pillow.

  
 **Graham** : It shattered her. Right there, in my arms, she broke. We had all been putting on a brave face and she was determined to beat this thing, but that morning… I saw the finality hit her. We cried for a while as I pulled her as close to me as I could get her. You were downstairs with your sisters watching a Charlie Brown Christmas even though Christmas had been over for a month already, so your mom didn’t worry about being quiet. Then the crying just…stopped. She sat up straight, wiped her eyes and said, “I want you to shave my head.”

  
 **Camila** : I had to take the power back. Cancer wasn’t going to take my hair from me, I was going to control how this went down. I marched right into our bathroom, grabbed the hair trimmers that I had bought Billy years ago that he had never used, dusted it off and sat down on the edge of the tub, waiting for Graham to join me. 

  
**Graham** : She had so much strength and power in that moment. She was just sitting there, holding this thing out to me. She wanted ME to do it. I didn’t want to. I didn’t have her strength. She saw that in my eyes and so she turned the trimmer on herself and started going to town. 

  
**Camila** : I thought I could handle it. But as I watched my dark hair just start falling around me, I didn’t feel empowered, I felt weak. With every brush of the clippers, a little part of me died. I know it’s just hair. I know that there are so many more important things in life. But I had always loved my hair so to see it go…killed me.

  
 **Graham** : Her hand started to still and the trimmer was still buzzing, but I saw something change in her in that moment. Something broke and it scared me. I put my hand over hers and took the clippers from her as her face morphed into a depiction of pain. We made eye contact in the bathroom mirror and she nodded to me, pushing me to finish what she couldn’t. So… [pauses] I did. As I was running the clippers through her hair, she started crying. She tried to hide it, but she couldn’t, and I just wanted to pick her up and run away somewhere with her and the girls where nothing could ever hurt us again. I had this line running through my head over and over again as I finished shaving her head; “when you’re lost…and scared to death, and you can’t take one more step…just take my hand, together we can do it…I’m gonna love you through it”. That kept playing in my head over and over again and I started humming a little tune. She smiled slightly and said, “That’s pretty”. I put the trimmers down and I wrapped my arms around her, resting my chin on the top of her head. I said, “Damn woman, you even make bald look sexy. And it's going to be so exciting watching your hair grow back and all of the hot hairdos you can do along the way”. I thought I was helping… but I fucked up bad.

  
 **Camila** : I know he was trying to be sweet. And looking back now, he said the perfect thing. He couldn’t have said anything better. But… it hit me like a semi-truck. I didn’t think of myself as that ‘bald cancer woman’, even as my hair was falling. I think I thought it would be temporary. But for some reason, when he said that, I saw death. I saw myself lying in a casket, still bald, and my little girls having to remember me looking like that. I kind of snapped. I told Graham that I needed some time alone and that he needed to go find Billy. He didn’t want to leave, but he knew me well enough to know that it wasn’t a suggestion. So, he called Cindy who was practically living with us by now as it was, and he left me in that bathroom alone. I sat next to the toilet, thinking about life and throwing up. Every doubt and fear flooding my veins.

  
 **Graham** : I had no idea where to find Billy. He wasn't at Daisy's, so I searched every bar, ditch and back alley I could think of, then I called Warren to see if he would know where he was by some wild chance.

  
 **Warren:** In some random universal twist of fate, I did. Lisa Crowne and I were staying at the Chateau Marmont because she hated my houseboat and I wasn’t ready to actually buy a house with anyone yet, so she made us stay there when she stayed with me. I had seen Billy stumbling into a bungalow when Lisa and I were getting back from dinner the night before. He was alone and I just shook my head. I figured he had fallen off the wagon, so when Graham called, I was relieved. 

  
**Graham** : It wasn’t hard to find him when I got there. He was staying in Daisy’s old place. Go figure.

___________

**1980**

  
_**“Billy, let me in. Billy! Damnit, Billy, I don’t give a fuck if you’re drunk right now, I just need you to let me in.”** _

_**Graham heard the door click and unlock, and he pushed it open as Billy was walking away. He shut the door behind him slowly, checking to make sure no one was around.** _

_**  
“What the hell, man?” Graham raised his arms questioningly as he followed Billy into the living area.** _

_**  
Billy pulled out a cigarette and lit it, then plopped down on the couch behind him. His hair was a mess, his eyes were bloodshot, and the room smelled ripe.** _

_**  
“Are you drunk?” Graham asked hesitantly, afraid to hear the answer.** _

  
_**Billy laughed as he threw his head back against the couch, just holding his cigarette without inhaling. He had one knee pulled up and his arm was hanging over it.** _

_**“I might as well be.” He took a big breath of smoke, holding it in his lungs before exhaling.** _

_**  
Graham sat down on the coffee table in front of him, leaning forward and resting his arms on his knees, hands folded.** _

  
_**“What happened, Billy?” His brow was furrowed but his face was soft.** _

  
_**Billy continued looking at the ceiling, ignoring his brother.** _

  
_**“Billy…” Graham’s voice was louder now.** _

_**  
Billy lifted his head up, a painful smile and laugh escaping him.** _

  
_**“She left me, man. She wants nothing to do with me.”** _

_**  
“Who? Daisy?”** _

_**  
Billy nodded as he laid his head back again.  
  
"Karma right? I screwed over Camila, so now Daisy screws me."  
** _

_**  
Graham shook his head.  
  
“Don’t pay attention to that, man. She’s going through a really shitty time right now and – “** _

_**  
Billy launched off of the couch and yelled, “AND I’M NOT?”** _

_**Graham recoiled at his brother’s anger.** _

_**Billy ran his hands through his hair, his cigarette still smoking between his fingers, and began pacing. All of his emotions bubbling over.** _

_**“I’m going through literal hell right now too. But no one cares. No one sees that. No, I have to be the strong one. It was Daisy’s baby. It was her body. It’s Camila’s battle. She’s my EX wife so I shouldn't care because I left her… those are all of the things people have been telling me to try to make me feel better. But…” His eyes were filling with angry tears as he continued through clenched teeth.** _

_**“…but that was my baby too. That was my son. Daisy’s body… I was one with that body. I felt him too. And Camila… ok so she’s my ex-wife, but I still love her and she is still the mother of my children. I hate that she is going through this. I hate that I can’t fix it. How do I fix it?” His voice broke as he fell to his knees, his tears beginning to flow freely.** _

_**Graham ran to his brother, holding him as he moved him to the couch.** _

_**Billy put out his cigarette and leaned on Graham as his little brother held him.** _

_**Billy tried to speak, but his voice was raspy, and his voice came out just above a whisper.  
  
"And then… there’s you…and the girls… and the band…and… I’m just tired, Graham. I can’t do it anymore.”** _

_**Graham felt his stomach turn as he pulled his brother closer, frantically searching for the right words.** _

_**“I’m fine. Don't worry about me. So are the girls. They are happy and loved and… they’re ok. Camila will beat this. And Daisy… she loves you, man. She just needs time.”** _

_**Billy scoffed under him.** _

_**“No she doesn’t. She told me so when I tried to propose to her today…”** _

_**Graham felt like he was going to throw up.** _

_**“What?”** _

_**Billy sat up and told Graham everything that had happened the day before with Daisy. How he threw out the ring and how she never wanted to see him again.** _

_**Graham sighed.** _

_**“Fuck.”** _

_**“Yeah…fuck.” Billy slumped in his seat.** _

_**Graham put his hand on the back of his neck as he asked the question he’d been dreading.** _

_**“Billy, are you… are you drunk?”** _

_**Billy shook his head no.** _

_**“Are you sure?”** _

_**Billy nodded.** _

_**Graham continued.** _

_**“Have you… have you done anything stupid?”** _

_**Billy swallowed hard.** _

_**“Well, if fucking a random girl in a dive bar bathroom is stupid, then… guilty.”** _

_**“Damnit, Billy.”** _

_**Billy laughed menacingly.** _

_**“What? I don’t have anyone to love like that right now. And at least SHE wanted me…”** _

_**Graham sighed.** _

_**“Dude… we got to get you out of here. Or, I’m just going to come stay here for a few days. I’m not leaving you.”** _

_**Billy didn’t even fight him. He knew if Graham left him alone for too long, that he would find a bottle of something, and that would be the end of it for him.** _

_**He nodded, and Graham slapped his knees as he stood up.  
  
“Ok then. I have to run home and get some things, but I’ll be back. Don’t do anything else that’s stupid.” Graham pointed a finger at him and Billy just waved him off.** _

_**“Go. I’ll be fine.”** _

_**Graham hesitated, but closed the door quickly behind him anyway.** _

_____________

 **Graham** : I got home as fast as I could. I knew Camila would understand, and she would want me to be with Billy too. I raced inside and past Cindy who said the girls were napping, and I ran up the stairs to our bedroom. I was moving like a mad man, shoving things into a bag so I could get back to Billy as soon as possible. I didn’t even realize Camila wasn’t there. I moved to my nightstand and opened the drawer to get some things out of it and that’s when I saw it. A letter with my name on the front, in Camila’s perfect handwriting. I tore it open, and fell beside the bed as I read.

____________

**January 25th, 1980**

  
_Dear Graham,_

_I know this is strange and I’m sure you are confused right now, and if I know you, you’re also starting to panic. Please don’t. I‘m fine. I just had some things I needed to say, and I knew I couldn’t say them to your face or else I wouldn’t be able to follow through._

_First of all, Thank you. Thank you for being the most amazing man I have ever had the privilege of knowing. You are so strong, and courageous, and steady, and generous; you have the biggest heart and you love so deeply and fiercely. I know that you would do anything for me and the girls, and I know that I can trust you with my life. Thank you for bringing me back to life after so much darkness. You were my light at the end of the tunnel. You are my everything and I hope you always know how much I adore you._

_Secondly, I love you. My goodness do I love you. You are a wonderful human being, Graham Dunne, and the world is so much better because you exist. And you are fine as hell too, with a great ass._

  
_Thirdly, and this was the hardest decision I had to make, and I hope you will finish reading this before you lose your mind._

_I can’t marry you._

_I want to. With every fiber of my being, I want to. You are my love, my heart, and my soulmate. But Baby… I’m probably not going to make it out of this alive. God, that sounds even worse on paper… but it’s true. I am feeling so sick and exhausted, and today when you shaved my head, something happened to me. I saw my future, and it wasn’t good. I don’t want to marry you, only for you to have to bury me a few months later. I couldn’t live with that. Or…die with that. The ring is in the envelope. Save it for Julia someday. She is the one who would really appreciate it. And if I haven't said it before, it is a beautiful, perfect ring. You did so good._

_I’m sorry, Baby. I really am._

_  
Lastly, I won’t be staying at the house anymore._

_I am going to be staying with Daisy Jones. We need each other. How crazy is that? But I understand now how Billy felt… how he still feels. She’s something else. We are going through hell and we decided that we want to do it together. Girl power, and women empowering women and all that jazz. Don't worry about me. I'll be fine._

  
_I’m also moving out because I don’t want my girls to watch me die. That is not fair to them and it is not the memory I want them to have of me. Maria screamed today after I shaved my head. She didn’t know who I was, and it broke me. I need to pull away...for their sakes. I’m only going to get skinnier, sicker, and weirder looking. I’m going to look like a fucking alien! And I hope that made you laugh because you have the best laugh. Make sure you share it with the world and live a life full of love and laughter._

_Take care of my girls. Take care of Billy. Take care of yourself._

_You deserve the world, Graham Dunne, and if I don’t make it, then I want you to find someone else who adores you like I do. Although I’m not sure she exists because my adoration for you is next level, Babe._

_I love you and will miss you terribly._

_If everything works out and I do end up kicking cancer’s ass, then burn this letter and you damn sure better propose again._

_I love you, I love you, I love you._

_Forever yours,_

_Camila._

_P.S. Don’t come to my chemo appointments anymore._

____________

 **Graham** : I was a slobbering, blubbering mess. I was laughing and crying and holding my chest like all of the wind had just been knocked out of me, because it had. I was numb. I didn’t know what to do, where to go, how to…function. I wanted to rip up that letter and bust down Daisy’s door and bring Camila home. But I knew she needed some time. So instead, I called Billy and said, “Change of plans. You’re staying here with me.”

  
 **Billy** : I was relieved to stay with Graham, until I read Camila’s letter. It killed me too. But I do have to say, you were loving having both your daddy and your Uncle Graham in the same house for a sleepover. [smiles]

  
 **Julia** : I remember that. You both played tea party with me and let me do your hair and makeup! I wonder if Pops would still let me put that purple lipstick and green eyeshadow on him? [Julia laughs]

  
 **Graham** : In between calling your dad and him getting to the house, I had started writing a song. I wasn’t a great writer. I was never really allowed to flex those chops when the Six was on top, because Billy and Daisy did all of the writing. It sucked to not be able to express myself in a way the world could appreciate, but I still loved doing it here and there by myself. I had the chorus done when Billy got there and was tinkering around with some of the verses. I played what I had for Billy, and he actually liked it. Of course he had all these ideas on how to change it and make it better, but I told him no. This was my song and it would be written my way. He didn't like that, but he backed off.

  
 **Billy** : It was a good start. I thought it could use a little work, but I never interfered. It was his project and I wasn’t going to pipe in.

  
 **Graham** : It took everything in me not to call your mom every day and every night. I missed her. I knew Billy was feeling the same way about Daisy, but our hands were tied, man. We couldn’t do much. So we were both throwing ourselves into our music and you girls. I remember feeling so low and lonely one night, and I said to your dad, “Damn you for being an alcoholic because I could really use a drink right now”, but then you ran down the stairs and climbed onto my lap and told us you wrote a song on your piano. 

  
**Billy** : You grabbed my hand and dragged us upstairs to where your piano was in your playroom, and you said, “This is my song, and it’s a good one.”

  
 **Julia** : [laughs] Oh hang on… I think I remember this. “ _Pink piano, so sparkly and real, makes me happy like my daddy on a Ferris wheel. And I want to eat, but don't give me beets, I only want sweets, today, Ole_.” [laughs]

  
 **Billy** : [laughs loudly] Hey, that’s a billboard top 100 if I ever heard one. 

  
**Graham** : I looked at Billy and saw so much pride in his eyes as he watched you plunk away on your piano. It was a cute little song for you only being five, and I remember him turning to me and saying, “this is the only buzz I need”, and Julia, you are still better than any drug out there. 


	33. Chapter 33

**Daisy** : You know, that pink house felt like a sorority for awhile...and for as sad as we all were they were some of the best days of my life. Simone stayed for awhile, Rod basically functioned as our chef [She laughs]...and your mom. Julia, when your mom came to stay with me in that house I realized that all the things she had said to me about believing in me and knowing I would make it through and wanting the best for me...that was when I knew she meant it. And she was giving me a chance to prove it to her. And I was...really proud that she did. It really helped me heal, too, because here was this woman who had been through what I was going through and she came out on top. That's how I knew that somehow...I would, too.

 **Camila** : I knew leaving Graham was hard on him, I really did. And not seeing you girls every day. But I had been talking to a counselor at the hospital and we agreed that you were young enough that this would be ok. That as long as your dad and Graham could keep it together...everyone would be ok. And Daisy's house was this breath of fresh air. And I mean that literally. The breeze you could feel from the ocean, the way it always smelled like fresh flowers. It was so calming. 

**Simone** : If you ever had a doubt in your bones that your mom and Daisy aren't two of the most bad ass mother fucking chicks to ever walk the planet, let me tell you something, child, you don't have to doubt that. Watching what they did for each other in those weeks and months was just awe-inspiring. They had been through it, man, the both of them. I had watched Daisy go through it for her entire life. I think they both realized the only way they were gonna sort things out with those boys was to get themselves right and realize they didn't need them to do it. And they did. If Camila Dunne and Daisy Jones could become each other's support system? There is hope for just about anyone, know what I'm sayin'?

 **Rod** : They were The Golden Girls and I was the gay cook. You can't make this shit up.

 **Simone** : My label was pressuring me to get back to New York. I didn't want to leave them. But I also knew they had it under control. Daisy raided my stash of head wraps for Camila, and then told me I was free to go. We made plans for the summer. I told her by the summer I expected Billy to be a part of them again. She just shrugged.

 **Daisy** : She wouldn't let me forget about Billy. I tried hard. But she knew me better. I was sleeping with a shirt of his by that point, so...she didn't have to work very hard to keep me from forgetting him.

_____________________________

_**1980** _

**_Camila was resting on top of the white comforter in the guest room that had become hers. Daisy had set it up for her so that she could see the pool from the back door slider. She had created an oasis for Camila there, because as weeks passed it was harder and harder for her to do much else out of bed. Daisy and Rod would tend to her, and call Graham daily to give the brothers a report on her health. It had almost been two weeks, and Camila ached to see her girls. The morning sun was seeping into the room when Daisy appeared with a cup of tea and her medicine._ **

**_"Hey, gorgeous..." she whispered as she slunk into the room. She sat the wooden tray next to Camila and climbed right into the bed, folding her legs at the foot of it._ **

**_"Daisy Jones you should be in the studio right now...." Camila spoke slowly, under the crushing weight of exhaustion, but grateful as always for Daisy's company._ **

**_"I'll get out there later. I want you to come listen to some stuff. Some of it is really, really good. Just...lacking a little something right now...."_ **

**_"Yeah I wonder what that is..." Camila teased her and raised an eyebrow, "Daisy don't you let taking care of me become the thing that keeps you from finishing that album the way you know it needs to be finished. So help me God I will roll myself out of this house and never come back. Promise me..."_ **

**_Daisy thought for a second, her face deep with concern._ **

**_"I promise. And I will finish this album for you. You can count on it. We just need you healthy enough to really enjoy it, ok?"_ **

**_"That's fair." Camila smiled as Daisy laid down in the bed next to her. They both propped on pillows, like opposite sides of the same coin, watching the sky above the pool. Camila reached for her hand._ **

**_"Daisy, I want to have a mastectomy." Camila's voice was calm and sure. Daisy sat and turned to face her._ **

**_"Ok. What do you need me to do?"_ **

**_Daisy didn't ask why, didn't question her. The way she knew the boys would have. She could hear it in her voice that this was a done deal._ **

**_"I know it's inevitable. Dr. Reid gave me this time to see what happened and I can't do this much longer. If that's going to help save my life I don't want to wait another day. I want my girls to have me even if I look like this..." her strength_** **_broke and she let a tear escape. Daisy caught it._ **

**_"You look beautiful. Don't you forget that." Daisy smiled before she continued._**

**_"Dr. Reid comes over in a few hours. Let's figure out what we need to do."_ **

**_The phone rang, and Daisy moved to the side of the bed to answer it._ **

**_______________________________________________ **

**Graham:** I threw myself into writing. It was the most Billy thing I have ever done. [He smiles} Anytime you girls were asleep I would lock myself in the bedroom and I would just write and play and write some more. I was determined, man, to give your mom something. To make this all worth something. To remember exactly how those moments felt and to make her hear me in a way she...she just wasn't hearing me. You know, we all loved the music. That music kept us together when nothing else could. But your mom loved it as much as the band did. Sometimes I think even more. She got music, man, she got it so hard. And I know that sometimes that was when she had really heard Billy. Really heard what he had to say to her. [He pauses] And I needed her to hear _me_ now.

 **Billy** : When Graham first came to me with this song, it made me nervous. I always had a hard time letting things go, and this album was really starting to mean something to me. I mean, even that we had stuck it out long enough to record the damn thing. But there was a lot I wanted to say on that album. A lot I needed to say. [He pauses} I realized...Graham had things to say, too. He always had...I just...hadn't been listening.

 **Daisy:** Graham had caught me in the studio a couple times and played through this melody he was working on. We tweaked a few small things, but it was really good. It was so Graham. So different than anything we had written. I asked him if Billy liked it. He told me it didn't matter, it was going on the album or he wasn't. And...I was ok with that.

 **Billy** : Graham really rarely stood up to me. And...I knew he had a lot riding on that song. So I knew we had to give it a shot.

....

I hadn't heard the lyrics.

 **Daisy** : Graham called and asked what I was doing. I told him we were playing strip poker with the Lakers, what did he think we were doing? He was coming over and he was bringing Billy and I needed to just get over myself and do this one thing for him.

 **Billy** : This one afternoon Graham comes running from the bedroom and tells me we are going to Daisy's. I had Maria asleep on my chest and I just looked at him like he was nuts. But he was packing his gear up and I thought...ok we are doing this then. I took Maria upstairs, Cindy had you and Susana in the playroom. I remember telling you I was going to see Daisy Jones and your mom. You were playing Barbies - you had a Daisy and a Mommy - you told me that you wanted to see the real ones soon. I promised you you would.

 **Graham** : On the way over I told your dad to look over the chords. He asked me about the lyrics. I had them in my pocket.

 **Camila** : I asked Daisy to help me look presentable and God bless that woman she put makeup on me and wrapped this beautiful scarf of Simone's around my head. She helped me get up and brought this dress of hers out...this beautiful pink caftan...and she stripped me down. [She laughs] She stood there looking at me naked, she looked gorgeous, of course, with this top knot and the earrings and the doe eyes, and I was like a corpse at that point. And she...

 **Daisy** : I put a hand under her breast and told her they weren't all that great anyway. We had a good laugh. It was a lie. Your mom had a killer rack. I was always built like a 16 year old. Your mom was built like a woman. But that came from the inside. I told her...you don’t need tits for that. She leaned over and kissed me. We held each other for awhile as I helped her get that dress on. And you know what? She still looked incredible. I got her a big glass of water, wrapped her in a fur blanket and we made our way to the studio.

___________________________________________

_**1980** _

**_Graham and Billy Dunne pulled up to the pink house in Venice Beach and made their way through the side gate that led past the pool and to the studio. Daisy and Camila were inside waiting. Camila was reclining on a long deep sea green couch and Daisy was sitting at the piano, tinkering on it lightly. She stood when Graham, followed by Billy, came through the door. Graham sat his guitar down and moved to the side of the couch, taking Camila's hand._ **

**_"There's my woman..." He whispered and she smiled a smile broader than she had in days. He continued, "Hey guess what...I burnt that letter you wrote me today. I thought you'd want to know."_ **

**_He winked at her as he stood, he was almost giddy. He pulled the paper from his back pocket and handed it to Daisy without unfolding it. She opened it gingerly, glancing at Billy as she did._ **

**_"You look like hell." She whispered to him before looking back at it. He pursed his lips and nodded slightly._ **

**_"Thanks, Daisy, it's nice to see you, too." Billy huffed and Graham shot him a look begging him not to storm out like he knew he wanted to._ **

**_"How are you feeling?" Billy asked Camila as he kissed her forehead._ **

**_"Never better." She joked in a tired voice that made his bones ache for her._ **

**_"Graham..." Daisy whispered his name as he stood to face her. Her hands still held his paper and they were shaking so hard she almost dropped it. Her eyes were glassy. Graham inhaled and nodded._ **

**_"Will you sing on it for me, Daisy? Please?" He pleaded to her. Then he turned to Billy._ **

**_"And I need you to sing it. The male vocal."_ **

**_"Graham I think you sh...." Daisy stopped and he interrupted her._ **

**_"I can't. I can't sing it. I need you two to do this for me. Alright? Look you both know the progressions and the melody. Billy, I know you know it on the keys."_ **

**_Billy walked towards Daisy and handed him the paper. She watched him carefully as he read it. He took his lower lip into his teeth and she could see his breath hitching under his shirt._ **

**_"Graham I can't sing this..." Billy whispered and tried to pass him the paper. Graham was already strapping his guitar on._ **

**_"Yes. You can. Do this for me."_ **

_**Billy glanced at Camila and swallowed hard. He took his coat off and tossed it across the other side of the couch before sitting at the piano. He pressed the paper against the top of it and tried to focus on the lyrics as his hands found the piano keys. Graham joined him after the first few measures, strumming beautifully as he sat on arm of the couch with Camila. Daisy stood only as close as she needed to to read the lyrics.** _

**_They played through the entire song and locked the form in before Billy found it in himself to clear his throat and sing the words Graham had written. His voice shook and broke as he pushed through the first verse...he could already hear Camila reacting behind him and he was trying to keep himself focused on doing this thing...for Graham. And when he got to the chorus...Daisy joined in:_ **

**_When you're weak, I'll be strong  
When you let go, I'll hold on  
When you need to cry, I swear  
That I'll be there to dry your eyes  
When you feel lost and scared to death,  
Like you can't take one more step  
Just take my hand, together we can do it  
I'm gonna love you through it._ **

**_As they sang the last lines...'just take my hand, together we can do it', Daisy gently placed her hand over his as he held it steady pulsing the left hand steadily as Graham filled it in with a beautiful guitar riff that ran into the bridge. When they stopped singing, Billy turned to look at Daisy and their eyes met for a long while. Hers filled as he kept playing under Graham's melody. She mouthed words to him..._ **

**_"I'm sorry."_ **

**_An then she put her head on his shoulder as they continued to sing softly together._ **

**_Graham stared at Camila as he mouthed the words his brother sang. This beautiful music filled the room: a perfect melody played on light piano and sweeping guitar, Daisy and Billy blending their voices in a way that they hadn't in too long and Graham adding in a third harmony with them:_ **

_**"She said don't think I can do this anymore"** _   
_**He took her in his arms and said** _   
_**"That's what my love is for..."** _

**_Camila lost her strength to look at him and buried her face in her hands as she fell into his side. She had made her peace with dying: written her goodbyes, planned her surgery, signed her paperwork...but in that moment, in the words that Graham was singing to her...he reminded her all of the things she had to fight for. And she wanted to fight again._ **

**_As the song stopped the sounds of the piano and guitar gently left the room. Daisy let her hand linger on Billy's after he finished playing and he turned his palm up, letting her lace her fingers in his before closing their fists together._ **

**_Camila finally found it in her to look up at Graham._ **

**_"I don't know what to say..." she whispered with all that she had. She was rarely speechless but this was one of those times she meant it._ **

**_"I love you." Graham gently pulled his guitar from his chest and sat it on the floor, easing her frail form into this arms. Daisy watched them over Billy's shoulder. He hadn't brought himself to turn yet._ **

**_"Oh for God's sake come here..." Camila laughed through her tears and Daisy stood, pulling Billy in tow. They walked to the couch and Daisy laid down against Camila while Billy squatted by it's side._ **

**_"That's it. That's the song. It goes on the album." Daisy said to him and he nodded slowly, smiling at Camila._ **

**_"Over my dead body....I mean...hopefully not literally." Camila stopped them in their tracks. Graham looked at her and frowned._ **

**_"What? Why?" He asked gently._ **

**_"That's my song. The world get's The Six. I get that song."_ **

**_The four of them sat quiet for along while, before Graham broke it._ **

**_"You're right. We'll record it. But it'll just be for you."_ **

**_Camila curled into Graham's side as he stroked her back, she wrapped her arm around Daisy who was laying against her stomach and who, in turn, stroked Billy's hand._ **

**__________________________________ **

**Julia/Narrator:** The Six recorded Graham Dunne's "I'm Gonna Love You Through It" and gifted it to my mother, Camila Dunne. The record was finished the day she had surgery to remove both of her breasts. It was never released to the public until 2011, when country artist Martina McBride asked to cover it. Graham reworked some of the lyrics, kept the melody intact, and it became a number one hit...earning the Grammy for Solo Performance Of The Year.

 **Graham:** I couldn't sing it that day and I have never sung it since, but man did I love hearing it on the radio. Still couldn't beat Billy and Daisy's version....or the boys' version. But...it's a great version.

 **Julia** : Let's not get started on the boys yet. That's a whole other story.

 **Graham** : One pair of brothers at a time, I hear you, kid. [We laugh] That song helped your mom, but she wasn't in the clear. We all still had a helluva lot of healing left to do.

 **Daisy** : I was glad your mom was ready to go home, but I missed her. And Billy and I were getting there...but we weren't there yet. But we learned something about each other that day we first played Graham's song. Music brought us all together...and if we were smart - really smart - we could let it be the thing that held us together, instead of pulling us apart.


	34. Chapter 34

**Camila** : My surgery was scheduled for one week from the day Graham played me the song he had written for me. He, Billy and Daisy recorded it for me that day, and I played it nonstop. It calmed me and kept me sane. I was so glad I had come around and decided to go back home because when I saw him that day… every stubbornness or logic for why I left in the first place, just flew out the window. I wanted to be back with him. To have him hold me and to let him love me through it. I didn’t realize it at the time I was writing the letter, but I was trying to fit Graham into the Billy box. Push him away first, so that he doesn’t go off the deep end. Give him space to figure things out, when that was the last thing he needed. That was my fault. They are two very different men, and I was still learning that every day. And I was so ready to see my girls. My heart ached for all of you and your wonderful, slobbery kisses! Daisy had taught me how to use head wraps and she had gotten me a couple of really gorgeous wigs, so that made it easier to go back home too. The twins were young enough to not be phased by them, but you were obsessed. You wanted to try them all on and you told me I looked like a princess. You will never know how much that meant to me.

  
 **Billy** : Things with Daisy weren’t perfect yet, but she was slowly letting me in more. It helped that we were all focused on Camila, and that ended up being a good excuse to be around each other more. Everyone was stepping up. Simone sent flowers and a GIANT gift basket to both the pink house and Camila’s house, and those things had everything you could ever want in them. I had never seen anything like it. She said that she didn’t know where Camila was staying now, and she didn’t want her to miss out on all of the chocolate muffin-y goodness, so two were necessary. [laughs] Fine by us because we each got to keep one. Those were the best damn muffins I have ever had. [smiles] Rod was going all out too. He was at Camila’s house every day, cooking, baking and stocking her freezer with casseroles and soups for after her surgery. He knew that none of us knew how to cook like him or Camila, and he said he felt like he was actually doing something to help. He was a more help than I think he ever realized, but he was also our sanity. We needed him. He might have been just our manager at first, but after Teddy was gone, that man quickly became family. He’s one of the best there is. And he makes a mean tuna noodle casserole.

  
 **Julia** : That’s his recipe? How did I not know this? That’s Jess’ favorite meal that I make!

  
 **  
Daisy** : It was so good to be around your dad again. I still had my guard up, and I know that that was mostly me just being stubborn and a self-sabotager, but Simone was calling me daily to check in and see how Camila was doing, and to see if I had let Billy back in yet. She was persuasive too. She had become the head of the Daisy and Billy fan club and she was going to make sure we worked things out. [laughs]

  
 **  
Simone** : Look, the world knew that Billy and Daisy belonged together long before they even let themselves realize it, and I had seen what happened to both of them when they finally gave in. It was like watching a baby being born. It was messy, and fragile, and scary, and new… but beautiful and fresh and precious. A new beginning and something to guard with your life. They weren’t doing that at the moment, so I was doing it for them until they figured their shit out. 

  
**  
Daisy** : It kind of became a fun game after my walls started to slowly crumble. We found ways to flirt with each other and reignite the spark. It had been forever since we had touched each other or had sex, and we were playing one really long game of foreplay. Billy would walk into the kitchen to get Camila a glass of water, and his hand would graze my butt. Or I would be sitting across from him at the dinner table and I would run my foot up inside of his pant leg. It was pure electricity and the fact that we were only doing light brushes or touches, made them all that much more intense. My breath was hitching everytime he would deliberately lean over me to put something in the sink, stopping to graze my hair and neck, with his scruff brushing me and hot breath on my skin. Never making contact or touching me, but it was so hot. It became a lot more fun to flirt and tease each other, building up our tension without doing something about it. But we both knew that we were going to burst at some point. It was like when someone brings you to the edge during sex, but then pulls back before you hit your wave. It’s sexy at first, then quickly gets frustrating. Besides, it’s me and Billy. Pretty sure it was the longest either one of us had gone without sex like…ever?

  
 **Billy** : My shower drain saw a lot of action. That’s all I’m going to say about that.

  
  
 **Julia** : Dad! Dear Lord.

  
 **Billy** : What? It had been forever since I had been with Daisy, and the way she was building up all of this sexual frustration in both of us… I mean, I loved it and I wasn’t going to push her… she needed to be the one to initiate and come to me, but… I was going to snap if I didn’t get some release. It was the only way I could keep playing her little foreplay game consistently. 

  
**  
Graham** : When Camila moved back, it finally felt like everything was going to be ok. When she decided she was going to have a mastectomy, it brought a peace for her that changed everything. She told me my song had helped her want to fight more too, but nahh, that was all her. When she puts her mind to something, she accomplishes it. So, she was going to do this.

  
 **  
Camila** : Graham was the sweetest. He was drawing me baths every night, letting me sleep as much as I needed, and taking you girls out somewhere fun when I needed a break. The house always smelled amazing with all of Rod’s cooking, and Simone’s muffins were giving me life. I was also watching Daisy and Billy fall back in love, and it actually made me happy. Their chemistry has always been fire. I used to hate that when I would watch them from the side stage, but now, I wanted to watch it ignite in front of me. It was fascinating. 

  
**  
Graham** : I think the hardest thing for me was watching Camila sort through all of her bras and start throwing them all away. She had initially decided on a single mastectomy, with the hopes of getting the cancer boob removed and then she would just get a reconstruction job on that side to bring it back later. But she did a lot of research, and was on the phone with Dr. Reid and Dr. Peters all the time and they all agreed, for peace of mind and for her girls… to be able to watch them grow up…to watch them walk down the aisle and to be there for her grandkids, a double mastectomy was necessary. And she didn’t want to go through all of this again if something happened in her other breast someday, so it made her decision easier. Prevention, you know? But it was a lot. 

  
**  
Camila** : I did it for you girls. Everything I do is for you girls. I was going to make sure that I would be around to see you graduate, pursue your passions in life, get married, have babies… the works. Your sisters too. It suddenly became less about my body’s aesthetics, and all about not missing anything. But I did struggle for a long time after surgery, just as a woman, feeling like my womanhood was stolen from me. 

  
**  
Graham** : Her surgery went better than expected. Dr. Reid was there in the waiting room with us the whole time, just being a friend. That meant the world to all of us. Dr. Peters worked swiftly and precisely and five hours later, she came out and told us that it went well, and they believed they got it all. They would be monitoring her closely and switching her to oral chemo for a few months, but she was very optimistic. All of us sighed collectively. I fell into my chair, Rod started pacing with joy as happy tears began to flow, and Billy and Daisy… they were holding each other. I hadn’t realized just how much those two fit together, and needed each other, until that very moment. I knew they had a sexual spark. They always had that. But this… this was a deeper, soul intimacy. I felt bad for every horrible thing I had ever said to either one of them, and I was so thankful they were working their way back to each other. 

  
**  
Camila** : I was the luckiest woman alive to have my tribe there, and everyone else supporting me too. My brothers and sisters were calling the hospital every hour for updates, Simone had sent more flowers, and Dr. Peters was setting me up with a support group for women who have had mastectomies, as well as a counselor to help me work through the loss. Cindy had taken you girls to Pittsburgh because we all decided that we needed you distracted by fun things, so time with Grandma and Papa was just the ticket. And I needed to be able to recover in my own bed without any little ones being forced to stay away from me, or worse, reopening my incisions by jumping, grabbing…you know. What little kids do. You were so excited to go too, so that made it easier. It was also a way my parents felt like they could help me from so far away, so...win win. 

  
**Julia** : Yeah, Grandma and Papa’s house was the best. They were always fully stocked with all of the good Mexican candy too. Like those watermelon lollipops that we would dip in chili powder? TO. DIE. FOR. Now we dip them in tajin, but there’s nothing like the original. 

  
  
**Camila** : [laughs] Don’t I know it. They loved having you with them for those six weeks.

  
 **  
Billy** : We were all doing what we could to help, but Graham… man he really bent over backwards for her. Camila had these two drains sticking out of the sides of her, collecting all of the blood and fluids that needed to drain after her surgery, and it hurt her if anyone bumped them wrong or accidentally pulled one. So he was like her personal wall, keeping everyone at a distance. I drove them home from the hospital, and Graham sat in the back, on the floor in front of your mom, holding her drains so that they wouldn’t swing or hurt if I hit a pothole by accident. We helped Camila walk inside when we got her home, and I asked if they wanted me to stay and help with anything, but Graham was adamant that he could handle it. I knew he could. I also knew that he wanted alone time with her. And I don’t mean sexually, because that wasn’t going to be happening for a while. 

  
**Graham** : I wanted to just be with her. Talk to her, help her, hold her. I had been away from her for so long while she was at Daisy’s, and after that we were prepping for the surgery, and you three girls needed all of her attention, and people were coming in and out of our house and… it was just busy. I was looking forward to having some quiet alone time, and reconnecting in every way other than with our bodies. Although I was counting down the weeks until that was possible too. Dr. Peters told me that it would probably be a minimum of three weeks before I could even see if she was up to anything so… I wasn’t going to push it. 

  
**Camila** : I felt anything but sexy when I got home. I was wrapped up, gauze everywhere, these two hideous ball drain things hanging off of me at my sides… I hadn’t been able to shower, I was sore, I walked like I was eighty-five years old… my breath was horrible, and I had constant dry mouth. I was hungry, but couldn’t keep much down, so everything I ate came right back up, and yet…Graham was right there. Holding me when I cried, changing my dressings, giving me sponge baths, heating and reheating food that I wasn’t touching, staying in constant communication with Cindy and my parents about how you girls were doing… he was my hero. One day when Graham was changing my gauze and giving me a sponge bath, I told him I wanted to see what I looked like now. He didn’t want to let me, but I made him. I looked at myself in the mirror… dark circles under my eyes, pale skin, bony cheekbones, a shaved head and now… a flat chest. Not even a nipple left to admire. I lost it.

  
 **Graham** : She fell backwards. Thank God I was there to catch her, or she would have hit her head on something. She sobbed. The deep, guttural sobs that make every bone in your body hurt when you’re done. The kind that gives you a headache and makes you feel like you’ve just had an intense ab workout. One of those. I just held her, and she clutched me like she was afraid I was going to be repulsed my her and run away. She just kept saying... [tears start to fall and hitch in his voice] ... “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry I’m so ugly. I’m so sorry. You deserve better”, over and over again. It broke my heart because Jules, even at her very worst, and I mean this with everything I am, your mom was still the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. She still is to this day. Her body is a bonus, but HER, her being, her soul, her spirit… it radiates from the inside out and makes her shine like the goddess she is. That was present even in that moment. 

  
**Julia** : Yeah, mom is the most beautiful woman ever. I would concur. [smiles]

  
 **Graham** : She didn’t stop crying for a long time, just talking about how ugly she was, so…I pulled out the big guns. ‘I’m only going to get skinnier, sicker, and weirder looking. I’m going to look like a fucking alien…’ – I quoted the part of her letter that foreshadowed this very moment. I kept my voice light and playful, and it worked. She laughed as she turned to kiss my arm. 

  
**Camila** : I had never had a man work so hard to love me and make me feel that love every second of every day. He was so patient and kind and when he quoted my words back to me, I knew that I had caught me a good fish. I still felt ugly, and horrible, and I never knew if he would ever look at me the same way, but I wanted to get back to the place of…us. Because we were damn good together.

  
__________

**1980**

  
“ _ **Thanks for using my words against me, Babe.” Camila was laughing through her tears as Graham lifted her up gently so that she was facing him.**_

_**“Nahh, I’m not using them against you. I’m reminding you of what you already knew. This is all par for the course. But you know what? You made it. You’re going to be just fine. You did it, Baby. And I’m glad I already burned that letter becasue I knew you would do it.” He winked at her and she blushed.** _

_**He still made her heart skip.** _

_**She bit her lip as she thought about something, suddenly nervous and feeling her heart break just a little bit.** _

_**“Graham… I… I don’t know what sex is going to look like for us now. I don’t know if I’m going to be what you want anymore. I mean… you loved my boobs. And I loved you loving my boobs. I don’t want… I don’t want you to look at me any differently now. And if you want to cut and run and find yourself a new pair of boobs, I get it. Just know, that this doesn’t lock you into anything. I want you to be with someone you find sexy. Not some creepy alien…” Her voice broke as she looked away from him.** _

_**He turned her face to him gently.** _

_**“Hey, I need you to listen to me right now, even though I know you probably won’t hear me, or you’ll try to tell me I’m just biased or that I'm not telling you the truth, but… Baby… you are still smoking hot and sexy as hell. You are the most beautiful woman on the planet. And being a badass warrior has only made you more so. I pinch myself and thank my lucky stars every day, that you are mine. It honestly takes everything in me not to lay you down right here and have my way with you. And you are not your boobs. Your boobs were just a fun accessory, but they weren’t what I loved. It was YOU. It IS you. All of you. Your mind, your body, which I still love by the way, and your soul. I love you so, so much, and I’m not going anywhere. I don’t want to. Ever. You’re never getting rid of me. Believe that, ok?” His eyes were searching hers, full of sincerity as he tried to imprint his words onto her heart.** _

_**She nodded as tears started welling up in her eyes.** _

_**“Ok. I’ll try.”** _

_______________

 **Graham** : I meant every word I said that day. I did want to take her on that bathroom floor. And in the bedroom, in the kitchen, every floor in the house… you get the point. But I knew this was nowhere near the time. So I found other ways to love her body and take care of her needs. We grew our emotional bond stronger than anything I’ve ever experienced in my life. That was one blessing that we got out of this whole thing. A bond so strong that it could never be broken. We stimulated each other’s minds, had discussions about real life things, real world things, and our future. Nothing sexual, just…intimate.  
.....

But I did have to take a lot of cold showers.


	35. Chapter 35

**Billy:** I was still living in the studio. It felt like less and less of a punishment though because Graham’s song had really kicked me into gear to get that that thing done. I would sit and listen to those songs over and over and that album was chock full of all these highs and lows. It was...it is...a great album. And Daisy? I think she was actually trying to kill me.  
  
 **Daisy:** He would come in to shower and get food, things like that. But he was still keeping his distance. We kept finding these moments to touch, like we were letting each other know...hey, I’m still here...but I was too stubborn to ask him. I wanted him to fight me harder to get back in. But I also knew that that would have annoyed me, too. So we lived in this uncomfortable frustrating space for awhile. That energy was still there. Every day we would work through something new: one day he came in and we had coffee. It was nice. We just sat quietly across the kitchen from each other without anyone else there for maybe the first time and the tension was just...palpable.  
  
 **Billy** : I just happened to come in when she was in the kitchen. There was a whole pot of coffee so I poured a cup and stood at the counter. She wouldn’t look at me but it was at least nice to be in the same room with her. I waited awhile, expecting her to find a reason to need something in the cabinet I was leaning against. But nope. She was kinda pulling herself back from me again. I could feel it.  
  
 **Daisy** : I was working hard to show him that I wanted to be closer to him. A few times I would go out to the studio and work while he was there. But he wouldn’t talk. It was like, when we were around Graham or Camila or Rod...we had this energy. But they protected me from it. When it was just the two of us...there was no one to stop things from happening but me. And I froze. So I’d just linger around him, especially in the studio.  
  
 **Billy** : [He laughs] She never came out there when I was there.   
  
**Daisy** : He would come in to shower and shave and I’d stay busy. But a lot of the times he’d sing in there. [She smiles} Billy Dunne shower concerts. And I would just sit and listen. Like my own private shows he didn’t even know I was attending.  
  
 **Julia** : Has he always sung in the shower? I always remember that. I remember having friend sleepovers as I got older and there he would be from the back of the house screaming The Stones in the shower. [We laugh] I guess most kids don’t have the luxury of having a dad who made his living as a rock star, right? The Stones, Springsteen...  
  
 **Daisy** : ...Or Bob Seger. [We laugh] Yes. Every time. Still does. Unless he’s sick. That’s how you know your dad is sick. If he gets in the shower and you don’t hear him crushing some melodies, he doesn’t feel well. [She pauses] We would sing in there together. You really can’t beat the acoustics of the shower. When we bought that house he actually got into the shower and shut the damn door to check the acoustics. The lady that showed us the house was so taken with him I practically had to hold her back from getting right in with him. [She pauses] It’s funny. People get into the shower and pretend they are rock stars, right?  
  
 **Julia** : What do rock stars get in and pretend to be?

 **Daisy** : Exactly.  
___________________________

 _ **1980**_  
  
 _ **Billy had finished a long night of laying down tracks in the studio. Layering nuances on a guitar until his ears could hardly make out the differences anymore. It was early, the sun just making its way through a light covering of LA haze, when he walked to the main house to shower.**_  
  
 _ **The house was quiet. He noticed Daisy asleep in front of a still glowing television. He stopped to smile at her and check her body before he walked past to the master bathroom to clean up. Just like he had grown accustomed to with his girls, he would wait and watch her chest rise and fall a few times before walking off, knowing she was ok.**_  
  
 _ **Billy pulled off the shirt he had been in for a few days and threw it to the floor, making the mental note to get to Rod’s for some clothes. He stepped out of his jeans and into the shower, letting it run on him cold before it slowly warmed up.**_  
  
 _ **He leaned his arms against the wall as the water wet his hair. It hung in long curls around his face and he thought about working on cutting it sometime soon. It was one of those things Camila would usually do for him, and he shut his eyes to the thought of asking a woman who had just lost her hair to trim his. He felt himself in this limbo. He had stepped out of his old life and into a ledge with Daisy Jones. And she had pushed him off of it. He was falling...and wondering who would be there when he hit the bottom.**_  
  
 _ **Daisy stirred awake on the couch when she heard him start the shower. She laid for a moment, smiling to herself as she wondered what songs she would be treated to today. If he would try to stay quiet not realizing that even that echoed through their high ceilings. After a few minutes she heard him humming and quietly singing to Turn The Page. She pulled herself off the couch and stretched in one long movement as she walked to her bedroom. **_  
  
_**As she had made a habit of, she leaned against the wall just outside the bathroom and listened to the man she loved, whether she was telling him she did in that moment or not, sing in her shower. She loved the sound of his voice...speaking or singing...and it brought her a tiny piece of mind that he didn’t even realize he was giving her.**_  
  
 _ **He sang for a while and then quieted. Daisy stood impatiently waiting and then wondered if he was ok. She knew that while she loved herself a Billy Dunne shower concert, they had also become somewhat of a time of solace for him, too. And for a moment she felt bad for trying to eavesdrop on that.**_  
  
 _ **Then she heard him...it was almost inaudible...but a tiny little whine of a sound. And she knew exactly what it was. She listened for another moment and heard a lower pitched moan. He was fighting to be quiet but obviously unaware that those wonderful shower acoustics carried lots of sounds. Not just singing.**_  
  
 _ **She moved to leave and then realized she felt all but glued to the wall. For someone like Daisy Jones, who had become very in tune to her body’s sexual needs and wants...who had always enjoyed sex with others and herself...she realized against that wall how strange it was that she hadn’t had a remotely sexual thought since losing her baby. It was like her body had failed her and she was punishing the parts that let her down. Not to mention not being in a place mentally to want to just...feel pleasure.**_  
  
 _ **But that morning, as she heard Billy gently whispering against himself in the shower, she felt the start of that familiar heat. She felt her fingers claw at the wall as she battled with herself. She finally let herself turn to peek into the bathroom. She could see him. His back to her and facing the streaming shower head. Surrounded by just enough steam to keep it mysterious. But as she watched the muscles of his upper back she knew. The way he hung his head and then threw it gently over to the side to rest on his shoulder. She knew his patterns and his beats and his tempos.**_  
  
 _ **She found herself untying the laces at the top of the dress she had fallen asleep in until it slipped off her and into a pile on the floor next to his jeans.**_  
  
 _ **The hiss of the water hid the sound of her opening the glass door gently as she entered the large shower behind him. And she knew him well enough to know that his eyes would be closed. She stood for awhile in a posture that was unusual for her. Her legs slightly crossed, hands folded in front of her thighs and arms covering her breasts...no one was looking at her but for some reason she didn’t like being naked.**_  
  
 _ **She didn’t want to feel vulnerable.**_  
  
 _ **When she finally closed the gap between them she could see his arm moving slowly, his left hand clenching on the tile wall and his right arm moving in long fluid movements as he worked himself up in the water of the shower. It was too cold for her but she didn’t let it stop her moving into it.**_  
  
 _ **She lowered her arms and pressed her body into him. Her nipples touched his back and she felt it tense but he didn’t move or stop. She slowly moved towards him and pressed herself into his back. She didn’t hold him at first: just pressed herself hard against his skin. She was enough shorter than him that her head fell between his shoulder blades and it rose and fell with his breath and the movement of his arm as she closed her eyes and felt his heartbeat in her ear. He moaned slightly as he felt her but didn’t turn or really even acknowledge her. She moved her body into his, until her stomach, which was only just returning to the side it had been, pressed against his ass and she could feel him gently and slightly moving it into his fist. Her arms hung at her sides, heavy with so much weight. She was desperate to connect with him, but it was like wading through mud to get to him. She pinched her face against his back and wasn’t sure is she was crying. She could feel his pace quickening, but not by much, and she knew him well enough to know that he was going to do everything in his power not to come.**_  
  
 _ **He wanted so badly to turn into her, even if it meant not finishing what he had started, because he knew that she wasn’t there with him yet. And he also knew that being able to take her into his arms and stand with her safely tucked into him under the running shower would do him more good than any orgasm ever could. But the paralyzing fear of her rejecting him again kept him glued to the wall and willing to take her cues.**_  
  
 _ **She lifted her arms and threaded them up under his armpits as he slowly pushed his body back into her. She placed her hands over his chest and held him there, feeling his heart beat fast under them. He lifted his head and let it hang back until it rested on top of hers.**_  
  
 _ **She started absent mindedly rubbing his chest and playing at the hair there, gliding her fingers over his nipples and feeling him moan gutturally as she did. She wasn’t ready for him yet but she needed him to know she was still there. Even in these moments. That when she told him she was sorry...she didn’t mean ‘I’m sorry I hurt you but it’s how I feel.’ She meant ‘I’m sorry you're hurting and I need you back and I’m trying to figure out what that looks like.’ Because she did. She needed him.**_  
  
 _ **She felt herself pushing against him, gently rubbing against him and biting her lip and she pinched and rubbed his flesh. He turned his head slightly and she looked up at him, the water running over them both. He wanted her hands on him but couldn’t ask. She wanted her hands on him but couldn’t just yet. So they stood there locked together. She teased and gripped him harder, almost too hard and he hissed. She leaned her head slightly around his left side to watch him. His hand expertly pulling on his shaft...moving in long strokes forward and away from them before rolling his hand and tugging his cock up and towards his stomach. She felt light headed from how hard she was panting as she watched him. He was close.**_  
  
 _ **But he didn’t want to let go. The highs and lows with Daisy Jones we’re starting to crush him a little at a time and he winced as he fought against letting himself get off...knowing that at any minute she could be gone again. Shut him right back out. He reveled in the feel of her skin on his back and her hands on his chest but he needed more. He needed it to not feel like pity.**_  
  
 _ **“Let go, Billy, it’s ok...” she whispered, sensing it in him. Feeling it radiate from him, knowing from how he was squeezing his cock that he was begging his body not to betray him.**_  
  
 _ **“Daisy...” he moaned her name and it filled the shower.**_  
  
 _ **“I love you, baby. Do this for me. I’m right here.” She purred into his side as she watched him, taking in the sight of his leaking tip and looking up to watch the beautiful agony that was his face as he started to come.**_  
  
 _ **She pressed her body into his back, his chest heaving and hers matching it from behind him. He moaned softly as he brought himself over the edge, jerking off hard and spraying the side of the shower with thick streams of release. Daisy moaned against him as she watched, whispering that she loved him over and over which was exactly what he needed to hear.**_  
  
 _ **He rubbed out the final moments of his orgasm and ran his hand over his length before standing up and cupping water in his hands to splash the wall and then running them through his hair. Something in him still felt unable to turn to her.**_  
  
 ** _She laid against his back as he stood under the water, not willing to face her. She finally moved herself under his arm and between him and the wall, tucking her arms between them and looking up at him as the water finally soaked her hair and face. He looked down at her and lifted his hand to touch her face. It was more intimate than any ass graze or or leg rub or finger hold. Because it was just the two of them. They watched each other in the water for a minute before she pushed up onto her toes and he leaned into her and their lips met. They hadn’t kissed in forever and it was a simple, easy kiss...until they realized how desperately they had needed it and she threw herself into him. He wrapped her in his arms and the water ran over them as they kissed long and hard and deep before just holding each other gently and meaningfully in the shower until the water had long run cold. She cried into his chest and he sang softly to her until she sniffled her tears back and joined him with some harmonies to The Commodores’ Still. She let him hold her and mourn with her and she held him tighter than maybe she ever had...finally. He kissed her head as she shivered in the cold and reached past her to turn the water off, grabbing a towel to wrap them both safely in._**  
  
_______________________  
  
 **Camila** : You could feel the energy in the world changing around us. I had come through that surgery better than anyone expected and I credit Graham for that. And just the fact that everyone we knew was just throwing this love at us. We had tried to keep things quiet and personal, but the members of The Six traipsing in and out of the hospital for weeks at a time was catching.  
  
 **Karen** : Jonah Berg had reached out to Rod who called me in a panic. He knew Camila wanted to keep things private but people were asking questions. And well, as far as rock and roll stories go...they don’t get much better than this one. He wanted to do a piece on The Six and on your mom and how we were working on this sophomore album in the midst of all of this trauma.   
  
**Camila** : Karen asked me just to be polite but I knew her feelings on the matter and she sure as hell knew mine. Nobody was telling this story. My story. Our story. Jonah Berg had nearly crippled us once and Rod spun that into a masterpiece. But this was my life. And it was going to take someone a lot more keen on all of us to really tell it someday. [She smiles.]  
  
 **Julia** : Thank you.  
  
 **Graham** : We went for your mom’s post op and it was the longest day of my life. I took her for breakfast. I wanted her back out in the world. And I think it helped. She was already starting to feel more herself and I had to remind her to keep pushing because the minutes were long. And the hard ones were really hard.  
  
 **Camila** : I had thought about calling Karen. This voice in the back of my head told me that if something broke bad I didn’t want Graham to have to carry that weight on his own. But then I remembered. He could do it.  
  
 **Graham** : Billy had started seeing a therapist...and one afternoon, under the guise of going for a hike, he took me with him.   
  
**Billy** : Did I like sitting and having someone tell me all the things that had gone wrong in my life and how I had to work my balls off to fix them. No I did not. Did it help me get my shit somewhat together? You bet your ass it did. And I knew if it could help me....it could help Graham.  
  
 **Graham** : It was probably the single best thing your dad ever did for me, convincing me to talk to someone. To take something to help round out my edges. I’m grateful to him for that. Almost as grateful as I am that things didn’t work out between him and your mom. [I kick him hard across the table. We laugh.]  
  
 **Camila** : We got good news from Dr. Reid and I remember feeling the way I felt when I found out I was pregnant with you: like I had this surprise I wanted to share but it came with all these nerves of what it meant moving forward.  
  
 **Graham** : We called Daisy at the house. Billy was in the studio because...of course he was...so we invited them for dinner.  
  
 **Camila** : And Rod, and Karen...and Warren and Lisa.  
  
 **Rod** : I cooked this big spread. More food than you could eat. Camila sat in the kitchen and helped me chop things that she could do seated. We had some great talks. At one point I remember, and this was beautiful, kid...your mom. She was talking about how someday someone will write a book about how Billy Dunne had dinner with his ex-wife who was now sleeping with his brother who still played in the band with his ex-lover, all while Billy Dunne fell in love with Daisy Jones who had become one of his ex's closest friends. We just laughed. She couldn’t stop laughing. She laughed so hard she was crying and I finally took the damn knife from her cause I thought she was going to kill herself with it!  
  
 **Graham** : I came running into the kitchen to see what the hell was wrong and Camila was laughing so hard she couldn’t breathe. I didn’t know how to react. I hadn’t heard your mom laugh in months and she was down right hysterical. Here I am thinking, she’s gonna pop a stitch or jostle something loose and she looks up at me...and I swear to God I hear it before she even says it...  
  
 **Camila** : I peed all over the floor. I mean, I can’t even tell you how embarrassed I was but I just kept laughing and I couldn’t stop. It was this amazing release. Literally. The laughing mostly, but I mean, I guess all of it! And it only made it worse. Graham was horrified then he started laughing, too. It was something to see.  
  
 **Graham** : I mean who does that? Your mom that’s who. You talk to her sometime about how many times she has peed her own pants. But you know what, her laughter that night was the best sound I’d ever heard and I swear I knew right then that we were gonna make it.  
  
 **Rod** : I helped her put herself together for dinner but she was getting stronger every day. And she was so excited to share her news with her family. Her real family. Her rock and roll family.  
  
 **Graham** : The five of them came in one car. They each moved to Camila who has standing up pretty well, but leaning on me. She insisted on showing them she was doing this. We were doing this. And by them I of course mean Billy.  
  
 **Camila** : Karen and Daisy and even Lisa hugged me and we had a good little cry. Kissing and holding hands and catching up. They all told me how amazing I looked and I tried to accept that maybe I was starting to not look like a paper towel. God bless Warren Rhodes, you could tell he had no idea what to say.  
  
 **Warren** : I told her boobs were overrated anyway. I’m really good with words. It was good to see her smiling.  
  
 **Graham** : Billy came in last and I hugged him hard. Too hard. Like, he asked me to let go. But he looked at me in a way that told me he knew that it meant things were good. Camila walked to him and he hugged her. I saw her cry a little against him and really bury her face in his neck...and had that weird bubble in my gut: I knew she loved me but there was always going to be something with your dad. I wonder if he knew that he was paying a therapist to talk me down from being jealous of him and my fiancée.  
  
 **Julia** : I’m pretty sure he did.  
  
 **Daisy** : I helped Rod carry the last few things to the table and we all sat down. Rod at the head. Then Graham and Camila, Warren and Lisa, Karen, and Billy and I. We made small talk. Warren and Lisa has just gotten back from a nudist camp so there was some really interesting conversation to be had.  
  
 **Camila** : Graham could not let it go and it was hilarious. "Do you not look at other men’s penises?" "Do people stare at you?" "Are the bathrooms unisex?" [She laughs] who asks that?! To this day he is fascinated by the idea of it.  
  
 **Julia** : You should take him to one.  
  
 **Camila** : We got him to skinny dip at the pink house once. And he talked about it for weeks. I don’t think he could handle it! Just another way your dad and your pops are so different. There was a long period of time where I think more people had your seen you dad naked than hadn't. [She laughs.] At least in Pittsburgh.

 **Graham** : We were sitting after dinner and finally Camila cleared her throat. She tapped her fork to her glass and said she had an announcement to make.  
  
 **Camila** : That room got so quiet.  
  
 **Daisy** : I felt sick. I took Billy’s hand under the table, and Karen’s in the other.  
  
 **Billy** : You know how sometimes you can hear your heart beat in your ears it’s so loud?  
  
 **Graham** : I was so damn excited for her.  
  
 **Warren** : I remember thinking, oh for God’s sake just say it already. I wanted dessert!  
  
 **Camila** : I made myself stand up, Graham helped to steady me. He took my hand and squeezed it. I think I looked at Billy when I finally said it.  
  
 **Billy** : She was in remission. I felt my heart just drop right out of my body like this weight was just...gone. She was smiling so big. That big Camila smile. Man, I didn't realize until that moment how much I had missed it.  
  
 **Warren** : I was watching the room...like, this is a good thing right??  
  
 **Daisy** : I put my hands over my face and started crying. Karen pulled me into her and she was crying, too.   
  
**Warren** : I wanted to toast but what do you do at a table with a bunch of recovering addicts? So I just stood up and started clapping.  
  
 **Graham** : Rhodes gave her a standing O, so we all followed. And she bawled, man. She bawled like a baby. And somehow, at some point, we all just surrounded her in this giant group hug.  
  
 **Camila** : I wish that every woman who had to go through the hell I did. Who lost her hair, and lost her dignity, and lost her tits...I wish that they got to celebrate beating that shit by being hugged by the greatest fucking rock band in the world.


	36. Chapter 36

**Camila** : That dinner was one of the best nights of my life. Almost everyone I loved more than anything in the world was there, and when I told them I was in remission… like when I said those words out loud…a huge weight was lifted off of me and I felt more free than I had in months. Almost everyone stayed for an extra slice of pie, because of course, that was the only kind of nightcap we were offering, but as they all started to leave, I watched Graham in the kitchen, meticulously cleaning and washing dishes. Daisy and Billy were the last to leave, and when I shut the door after them, I marched right into that kitchen and wrapped my arms around him from behind. He was vigorously scrubbing a plate and I was sure he was going to scrub the pattern right off of it. His back was tense, and he didn’t even react to me being there. He had been so strong through all of this cancer stuff, and now it was all coming to the surface. Everything he had pushed down inside, for my sake… I saw it all over him.

____________

**1980**

  
_**“Graham…” Camila whispered into Graham’s back as she rested her forehead in between his shoulder blades, his muscles tense under her.** _

_**He continued scrubbing and ignoring her, so she moved to the side of him.** _

_**“Graham…baby…what’s wrong?” Her voice was soft, and she watched him blink away tears as the plate slipped out of his hands and shattered in the sink.** _

_**He threw the rest of it down as he turned and leaned against the sink.** _

_**“Graham Dunne…tonight is a celebration. Why are you being mister grumpy gills?” Her eyes were shining with playfulness and love, but his face was somber.** _

_**“I just… I can’t help but think that this is all too good to be true. I’m not the guy who gets the girl. I’m not the one who gets his wishes fulfilled, ya know? I’m just… I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop and for this to all go away, because I just feel like it has to, right?”** _

_**She laughed because she thought he was joking. His tears told her otherwise.** _

_**“Ohhh Baby…” She reached up and touched the side of his face and he turned his face into it.** _

_**“What would ever make you think something so silly?” Her voice was soft as she moved closer to him, pressing her body against him.** _

_**He looked up at her with glassy eyes as he hesitated.** _

_**“I mean…I see the way you still look at Billy. When you hugged him tonight, I saw all of that love that is still there for both of you. I guess I’m just thinking that you are always going to want him, and that now that you’re healthy and could literally have any man in the world, you would be settling if you stayed with me.”** _

_**Camila’s face got serious.** _

_**“Where is this all coming from, Graham?”** _

_**Graham sighed as he pushed off of the sink and started walking in slow circles.** _

_**“When Billy was with Daisy in Pitt, I just kind of… pushed my way in here. I don’t know if you even wanted that, and I don’t want you to stay with me out of convenience or obligation now. I’m not Billy, Camila. I’m never going to be. I know he’s the better brother. I know that he is the one that everyone wants. Hell, he’s even the one with more money.”** _

_**Camila felt her body growing hot with embarrassment and frustration.** _

_**“What are you even talking about, Graham?”** _

_**Graham turned away from her and looked out into the back yard.** _

_**“James Avery called here this morning. Billy’s accountant. He told me that all of the hospital bills had been paid for in full and that nothing further needed to be done. I thought it was insurance that covered it, but he clarified that it was from a trust that William Dunne Jr, Billy, had set up for us and the girls.”** _

_**His eyes were full of pain as he held himself up against the counter and faced her.** _

_**“Even after your divorce, he’s still here. He’s still taking care of you. He’s still being…your husband.”** _

_**He swallowed hard.** _

_**“I can’t compete with that, Cami. I can’t be a placeholder for you in case Billy comes back someday. I can’t… I can’t have only half of you.”** _

_**He exhaled sharply before continuing.** _

_**“A lot of Billy’s money comes from writing. That’s just a fact. And the shitty thing is that a lot of us wanted to write too, and he never let us. It used to piss Eddie off so much. Pete didn’t really care, Warren let it roll off of his back, but me and Karen, we had a lot to offer and he never let us. That affected a lot of things, including my bank account. Now, I’m not complaining. Shit, I grew up eating ketchup packet soup and my mom had to choose between electricity and heat some months. So I know how good I have it, and that I have more money than I could have ever hoped to have, but… it’s a lot less than Billy.”** _

_**Camila was taking in his words slowly, hearing him out before figuring out how to respond.** _

_**“I’ve always been in his shadow. With everything in life. But… I never wanted to be in his shadow with the woman I love. It kills me that I can’t provide for you the way he does, and I’m just scared that it won’t be enough. That I won’t be enough…” he exhaled a sharp cry, but quickly held his breath to stop it.** _

_**Camila felt tears slipping out of her eyes and rolling down her cheeks, and a sharp pang in her chest.** _

_**She walked closer to him and took his hands in hers, bringing them up to her lips and kissing them softly.** _

_**“You have made me listen to a lot of speeches during this whole cancer journey, and now it’s your turn to listen to me. And I want you to hear every word I’m saying.”** _

_**They both had tears in their eyes and Graham watched her intently.** _

_**“I will always love Billy Dunne. He is the father of my children and he has a part of me that no one else ever will. When you have children with someone, that is a bond that can never truly be broken.”** _

_**Graham looked down at the floor as he nodded and tried to pull away from her. She squeezed his hands tighter and made him look at her.** _

_**“Hey, stay with me. I’m not done.”** _

_**Her voice was a combination of shaky and strong.** _

_**“I will always love Billy, but I haven’t been IN love with him for a very long time.”** _

_**Graham’s head perked up and he looked in her eyes. They were smiling.** _

_**“I am so seriously, insanely, uncontrollably in love with YOU, Graham Dunne. I don’t care how much money you make or have made, and I don’t care about anything other than you being here, with me, forever.” She grabbed both sides of his face, forcing him to look at her. He laughed lightly through his tears as she continued.** _

_**“You have provided more for me in these last six months than anyone else has romantically…ever. From the minute you saw me and Billy struggling in Chicago, you have had my back. You never pushed your way in. It has always felt right having you here in this way. And it wasn’t Billy who was here with me while I was sick, making me food, rubbing my back, cleaning up vomit, making sure my girls were fed, bathed and tucked in bed when I was too weak to be what they needed. The girls adore you, and I do too, and you are our family. Forever and ever. You don't have half of me, you have all of me.”** _

_**More laughter and tears from both of them.** _

_**“…And that account that you found out about? It’s just so that we never have to worry about anything, and it's mainly for the girls. He’s their dad, and he wants to stay connected and provide for them in every way possible. It doesn’t mean that you’re not our provider too or that Billy is the better brother. You are all we need, Graham Dunne, and I love you more than… than Billy loves booze.”** _

_**Graham burst into a fit of laughter, and Camila wrapped her arms around his waist.** _   
_**  
He wrapped his arms around her back and held her tight.** _

_**“Good. Because I never, ever, want to lose you.” He whispered into the top of her head as he kissed it gingerly.** _

_**Camila pulled back from him and raised an eyebrow.** _

_**“You know… there was one requirement in that letter I wrote you, if I kicked cancer’s ass…”** _

_**Graham smiled and bit his cheek.** _

_**“Oh there was, was there? I can’t remember… it’s been sooo long…” He feigned forgetfulness in a sing song voice.** _

_**Camila slapped his arm and said, “Don’t you dare act like you forgot!”** _

_**Graham smiled wider and dropped to one knee, pulling the ring he had bought her at Christmastime out of his pocket.** _

_**Camila gasped.** _

_**“You’ve been keeping that ring with you?” There was amazement on her face.** _

_**Graham nodded.** _

_**“I knew you would kick cancer’s ass and I wanted to be prepared for whenever I got the opportunity to…”** _

_**“Oh my God, Babe, that is so –“** _

_**“Camila! I’m trying to re-propose here, if you don’t mind.” He winked at her and she shut up.** _

_**“Camila Dunne, we have literally survived hell together, and I don’t know how I could go on one more day without the promise of you being my wife. So for what is hopefully the last, and final time that I will ever ask this, will you marry me?”** _

_**She nodded furiously as she kissed him, grabbing the sides of his face and helping him stand as they kissed each other sweetly.** _

_**Their breathing got shorter as they started exploring each other over their clothes and deepening their kisses, moving quickly into a different zone.** _

_**Instinctually, Camila began pulling at the hem of Graham’s shirt, and he raised his arms to assist.** _

_**He leaned back into her, burying his face in her neck, inhaling the sweet smell of the perfume she had made him stock up on. He loved that smell.** _

_**She kissed his shoulder and ran her fingers up and down his back, feeling the familiar dips in his lower back, and running her index finger over the scar on his left side from where he tried to jump over a chain link fence as a kid, and failed to fully clear it.** _

_**“My God, I’ve missed you.” Graham moaned into her neck then moved to pull her shirt over her head.** _

_**Camila pulled back quickly, pulling her shirt back down.** _

_**“Not yet…” she tried to swallow but her throat felt like sandpaper.** _

_**Graham nodded slowly as he ran his fingers through his hair, landing on the back of his neck.** _

_**“Ok… do you want to stop completely? Because I’m totally good with just cuddling on the couch and watching some Johnny Carson.” His face was so sincere, even though she knew this was killing him.  
  
  
Camila melted right there.** _

_**  
She moved back to him and looked up.** _

_**“No. I’m sorry. I want this. I want you.”** _

_**She reached up on her tip toes and he bent down to meet her in a kiss that was full of hunger and longing.** _

_**She held a hand out to him and lead him to the couch.** _

_**She pushed him back onto it as she straddled his lap.** _

_**Graham looked around curiously.** _

_**“Here?”** _

_**Camila nodded.** _

_**“Mhmm…and then maybe the kitchen…and the bedroom…the guest room…” She was listing off different rooms in between kissing his neck.** _

_**He moaned and rolled his head back to give her more access to him, as she felt him quickly growing hard beneath her.** _

_**“What brought this on?” Graham panted as he unbuttoned the top of his jeans to let his body breathe.** _

_**She smiled mischievously as she started grinding her hips down on him, fully dry humping him.** _

_**“The girls come home in two days. I want to do everything we can’t do when they are here. I want to make you feel things you’ve never felt before and I want to tell you with my body, how much I love you.” She purred in his ear then took his earlobe between her teeth, pulling slightly.** _

_**“Holy…fuck.” Graham lifted his hips to meet her and the friction between them was enough to start a fire right there.** _

_**Graham started pulling at the waistband of Camila’s pants and she leaned from one side to the other to help him slip them off. She wasn’t wearing any panties either.** _

_**“Oh my...yes.” Graham licked his lips as his eyes grew dark.** _

_**Camila stood up and lifted one leg up onto the couch.** _

_**“You like?” She winked at him and he saw for the first time that she was completely smooth underneath now too.** _

_**He nodded furiously.** _

_**“This is…new…” He whispered as he leaned forward and started kissing her knee, working his way up to her center.** _

_**He habitually reached up to grab her breasts as his mouth moved closer to her pussy that was now leaking desire down her leg.** _

_**She stopped suddenly when he reached up, and dropped her leg.** _

_**She wrapped her arms around her body over her chest, and he saw tears threatening to fall from her eyes.** _

_**“Graham, I said no.” Her voice cracked as she turned away from him.** _

_**He stood up and moved behind her, pressing up against her and moving her arms down off of her chest. He turned her so that she was facing him, and he whispered, “Camila Dunne. I love you, and I love your body. I want to explore this new you. All of you.” He brushed a finger over her shirt where her breast had been.** _

_**She pinched her eyes closed tight, holding her breath as tears escaped her, and folded her arms over her chest again.** _

_**“I don’t want you to look at me with pity or be disgusted by what you see. I’m still bruised and scabby and I have deep scars on the sides of me from the surgery and from my drains…It’s ugly.” her tears were in her throat now.** _

_**Graham kissed her forehead before saying, “Your scars tell the story of your courage, bravery and resilience. That could never be anything but gorgeous. Please…Camila… trust me.” His eyes were pleading with her and she slowly dropped her arms as she let herself feel every emotion she was feeling and open herself up to him fully.** _

_**She wouldn’t have been able to trust anyone else in this situation, but Graham had proven time and time again that he was going to be there through it all.** _

_**She slowly lifted her shirt over her head, revealing her flat chest and the scars that ran across it. She was right. She was still very purple and bruised, and the sides of her were still lightly bandaged.** _

_**Graham stood back and took in the sight.** _

_**“You’re beautiful.” He whispered softly.** _

_**Camila laughed and snorted through her tears.** _

_**“You’re my fiancé, you have to say that.”** _

_**Graham moved closer and very lightly and gently, traced the scar line on her chest.** _

_**“I don’t have to say anything. I mean it.” His voice and face were serious, and she was slowly starting to believe him.** _

_**She plastered on her best smile and said, “Well now that you’ve seen the rest of the buffet, can we go back to the couch now?” She was trying to keep it light, but he saw every tear and emotion she was feeling, right under the surface.** _

_**He shook his head as he scooped her up and carried her up the stairs to their bedroom, laying her on the bed gently and hovering over her.** _

_**He looked in her eyes and said, “My girl is a sexy badass,” and then proceeded to very cautiously and tenderly kiss her all over, brushing his lips over her scars and every bruise. His light touches were sending jolts through her whole body, and she was pleasantly shocked at the fact that a mastectomy had somehow made her even more sensitive in her chest.** _

_**Graham’s pants were still on and she could feel him pulsing through the fabric.** _

_**She reached her hand down, following the trail of hair on his stomach, and reached into his unbuttoned pants, feeling his length straining. He gasped and groaned into her chest and she dipped her hand into his underwear and started swirling circles over his tip with her thumb. His cream was quickly escaping him as she continued her movements, and he stopped to push his pants down all the way, kicking them off behind him.** _

_**Camila laughed at his eagerness, but she felt it too.** _

_**Graham started to dip down between her legs, excited to taste her now that she was fully shaved, but she stopped him.** _

_**“Baby…I have waited six months for you, not your mouth. I want you in me right, this, fucking, minute.”** _

_**A smile spread across both of their faces as Graham moved back up her body, kissing her as he went, until he reached her lips.** _

_**They stared into each other’s eyes as Graham slowly and carefully, entered her. He was hyper aware that she would still be sore and sensitive, so he let her take the reins and direct.** _

_**They moved for a little while before Camila said, “Sit up. I want to try something.”** _

_**Graham sat up and stretched out his legs. Camila backed herself up so that her back was against his chest, then lifted herself up and slid back down onto his cock.** _

_**They both cried out in pleasure at the sensation of this new position, and Camila’s hands immediately found her clit, rubbing quick and furious circles over it and drawing herself close to the edge already.** _

_**In a sign of trust and faith, she grabbed one of Graham’s hands and gently placed his palm over the spot where breast had been.** _

_**She felt his breath hitch against the back of her neck and he whispered in her ear, “thank you.”** _

_**She nodded as she continued to ride him, adjusting her speed from painfully slow to ridiculously fast.** _

_**They hit their finish line at the same time, Camila digging her nails into his thighs and Graham wrapping his arms tightly around her stomach.** _

_**He held her close as he rested his forehead on her back. Their breathing was erratic as they tried to calm themselves. Camila leaned back into him and whispered, “Thank you back.”** _

_**Graham smiled as he said, “For what?”** _

_**“For loving me. For making me believe that I actually am beautiful. And for still wanting me.”** _

_**She turned her head as much as she could to look at him, and he met her lips with a strong kiss.** _

_**“Forever and always, Babe.”** _

_**She smiled and patted his leg before sliding off of him and saying, “Good. Now get some water, brush your teeth and take a time out to catch your breath because in fifteen minutes, we’re going again.” She smiled wide and he fell back on the bed.** _

_**“Yes, ma’am.”** _

____________

 **Daisy** : Being at the dinner with Billy felt…comfortable. Like how it was supposed to be. After our little rendezvous in the shower, I realized just how much I missed him. Not even just his body, which believe me, I did. If you could have seen his…

  
 **Julia** : Daisy! Focus. 

  
**Daisy** : Sorry. It's just… it’s a great body. Anyway, that night Billy and I drove back together, and I knew he was planning on sleeping in the studio. That had become his new routine, but that night… I just wanted him. All of him. Hearing the news that Camila was in remission and going to be fine… it made me realize how short life is and that if she could beat that kind of hell on earth, then I could put my stubbornness aside and let the man of my dreams, the man I love, the… [chokes back tears] father of my child, back into my life in every way. I knew he had been waiting on me, and I didn’t want to wait anymore. 

  
**Billy** : Daisy was completely silent on the drive home. It was awkward and I was convinced she was going to shut me out again. That morning in the shower… it had been exactly what we needed. It felt like we had taken one step forward, but that car ride felt like two steps back. So, I did the only thing I knew to do. I turned to music. I cranked the radio and “Please don’t go” by KC and The Sunshine Band was playing. I started singing it absentmindedly. “ _So please don't go…Don't go, don't go away…Please don't go. Don't go, I'm begging you to stay_ …” I looked over at Daisy and I saw her mouthing the words as she looked out the window and wiped a tear from her eye. 

  
**Daisy** : That song was saying everything I wanted to say in that moment but couldn’t bring myself to do. I was looking out the window at the stars, and I felt Billy’s hand on my knee. He whispered that he loved me, and that was it. 

  
  
**Billy** : She had told me that she loved me that morning in the shower, but I had figured it was just her trying to help me come. Which would be such a Daisy thing to do for sure. So when I said I love you in that car and she turned back to look out the window, I was crushed. She was pulling me back in just to reject me again.

  
 **Julia** : Do you regret how you handled that car ride?

  
 **Daisy** : Honey, I regret how I handled a lot of things in my life.

  
  
 **Billy** : We pulled up to the pink house and I put the car in park. Blondie’s “Heart of Glass” was blasting by that point.

**Daisy** : I turned that off right away. It was like the universe was trying to speak to us through music, and this song was not doing it for me.

  
 **  
Billy** : I told Daisy that I wouldn’t be coming in to use her shower or do anything else in her house anymore, and that I was going to start looking for places the next day.

  
 **  
Daisy** : I panicked.

_________

**1980**

  
_**“I’ll move out tomorrow and stay at the Marmont until I can find a new place.” Billy was scratching the steering wheel slowly as he spoke to Daisy, refusing to make eye contact with her.** _

_**“Billy…” Daisy felt a lump in her throat as she managed to croak out his name.** _

_**He turned his head to look at her and saw the tears in her eyes that were hanging on by an eyelash.** _

_**He sighed heavily.** _

_**“It’s what you want, right Daisy? I mean, you told me you didn’t love me that day I tried to do something nice for you and Bear, you didn’t want to marry me, you’ve kicked me out repeatedly over the last few months… what else am I supposed to think?” There was pain in his voice and on his face.** _

_**Daisy was twisting her fingers around in her hands, and she watched them as she carefully tried to string together a coherent sentence.** _

_**“That’s not what I want”, was all she managed to get out.** _

_**  
Billy huffed as he opened the car door and stepped out, slamming it behind him as he started walking towards the studio.** _

  
_**Daisy ran out after him.** _

_**  
“Billy? Billy! Billy, stop, please!”** _

_**  
“WHAT?” Billy spun around and faced her.** _

_**Tears were falling down her cheeks now and she was panting from running after him.** _

_**She stood in front of him with her arms hanging at her sides, and she shrugged.** _

_**“How did we get here?”** _

_**Billy scoffed.** _

_**  
“Well, let’s see. You strung me along while we were on tour, pulling me close to you like forbidden fruit, then I uprooted my entire life and family, FOR YOU, so that we could live a life we both believed we were meant to live…together…” His voice was getting shaky as his face was getting hot and red.** _

_**Daisy stepped closer to him as he continued.** _

_**“Then… then we lost Bear and… you shut me out. Completely. And I know you were hurting. I know you ARE hurting. But Jesus Christ, Daisy, so am I. He was my son too. I felt him too. I loved him…too. And I wanted to be there for you. I wanted to grieve and mourn WITH you. I thought we were a team. But you just pushed me away time and time again, punishing me for things I didn't even do. So that’s how we got here, Jones. Enjoy your big pink house all by yourself.”  
  
  
He sniffed his tears away as he turned back to the studio.** _

_**Daisy felt herself cracking.** _

_**“Billy, wait!” She ran ahead of him, blocking him from entering the studio.  
  
Thunder began to crack and rain started pouring down hard, instantly soaking them.** _

_**“I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for everything I’ve done to you…ever. There’s too much stuff to list right now. And I know that means that I’m a horrible person who doesn’t even come close to deserving you. But I need you, Billy Dunne. I am so lost without you. I’m so sorry I pushed you away. I don’t even know why I did it. Well…I guess I do, but it doesn’t even matter anymore. I love you so much, Billy! I am so insanely crazy about you, that it literally makes me insane sometimes. But I can also be a selfish and conceited person... That has always been my problem… so I couldn’t see anything past my pain…” She continued to cry as she tried to catch her breath, her heart racing and her body shaking from the cold of the rain.** _

_**“…losing Bear… it was like losing a part of myself that I don’t know how to get back. But I want to. And I want you. Forever. I don’t want you to leave and I don’t want you to move out. I want you with me, in my bed, holding me and making everything in my crazy world snap back into place. You are my heart, Billy Dunne, and this isn’t my house, it’s OUR house. Please stay.” She bit her lip and crossed her arms as she bounced and tried to get warm.** _

_**Billy ran his fingers through his hair, water flying off of his fingertips.** _

_**“You really hurt me, Daisy. I have never loved anyone like I love you…” His voice was loud, desperately trying to be heard over the thunder.** _

_**“I know. I have never loved anyone like I love you either, and I want that love back.”** _

_**Billy put his hands on his hips as he looked at the water that was pooling around their feet as he thought.** _

_**“If we do this again… you have to let me in. All the way in, Daisy. Through the good, bad, ugly, devastating, and the joy. I want to live this life with you…together. Not together but apart.”** _

_**Daisy nodded as she moved closer and wrapped her arms around his neck, staring deeply into his green eyes.** _

_**“So…does that mean you’re going to give me another chance?”** _

_**Billy looked away for a second before turning back to her and yelling, “That would be a hell yes.”** _

_**She threw herself at him and their lips connected as the rain poured down even harder. Without breaking their kiss, Daisy pushed Billy backwards into the studio and shut the door. The studio was soundproof, so as soon as that door shut, the storm was gone.** _   
_**  
The storm had knocked out the electricity though, so Daisy moved quickly to her little survival kit she kept in the closet and pulled out three large candles and some matches.** _

_**Billy took off his soaking wet jacket and tossed it aside as Daisy lit the candles.** _

_**He sat up against the wall and pulled his knees up, wrapping his arms around them.** _

_**Daisy moved and sat cross legged in front of him and put both of her hands out, palms up.** _

_**Billy put his hands in hers and she held them tightly.** _

_**“This is us starting over. Right here, right now, let’s leave all of the mess and baggage outside and let’s let the storm wash it all away. “** _

_**Billy pulled her hands to his lips and kissed her knuckles softly.** _

_**“Ok.”** _

_**Daisy smiled as Billy released her hands, and she leaned forward, reaching up with both hands, resting them behind his ears, and kissing him deeply.** _

_**Billy moaned into her mouth as she pushed him onto his back, right there on the studio floor.** _

_**She was hovering over him, holding herself up on her elbows as she looked into his eyes that were longing for her.** _

_**“I’ve missed you.” She whispered.** _

_**“You have no idea…” Billy whispered back as he lifted his head up to kiss her again.** _

_**Daisy sat up and straddled him, her legs on either side of him, as she lifted her shirt off in one quick pull.** _

_**She reached behind her to unhook her bra, but Billy beat her to it and popped it open skillfully, with just one hand. The bra fell away, and Daisy’s nipples grew instantly hard under the cold air.** _

_**Billy reached up and palmed both of her breasts, rubbing his thumbs over her hard nipples, eliciting a hiss and cry from her.** _

_**Daisy began grinding her hips into him as he continued to knead her perfect mounds.** _

_**She leaned back and cried, “Oh yeah, Baby…God yes…”** _

_**Their bodies remembered each other, and they started moving quickly, doing all of the things they knew the other one loved.** _   
_**  
Billy tore Daisy’s pants off of her and she turned her body so that she was lying on her stomach on top of him, her fingers fumbling with his denim as he began to lick and suck her wet, pink pussy that was now in his face.** _

_**“Ohhh, my…fuck…” were all the words she could manage as she pulled his pants down, freeing his hard cock and quickly taking it in her mouth. She bobbed her head as far down his shaft as she could go, then held it there in the back of her throat, humming in appreciating and sending Billy howling. He grabbed her ass to steady himself and to help him focus on the task at hand, and he moaned as he dipped his tongue in and out of her; his tongue filling with her sweet nectar with every lick. He had missed the taste of her. She tasted like Christmas and all things good.** _

_**They were both getting close to the edge, and they could each read it in the other person.  
  
Daisy shook her head furiously as she said, “No… no… I want you to come inside of me.”** _

_**Billy stilled for a minute, hesitating at the repercussions and possibilities of that decision.** _

_**“I don’t have a condom…” Billy’s chest was heaving and Daisy waved him off as she rolled off of him and turned around to straddle him again, this time, lowering herself onto his cock.** _

_**“I don’t care. I want you. All of you. New beginnings, remember?”** _

_**Billy nodded as he pulled her down to him, wrapping his arms around her back as they moved together, reveling in the feeling of their bodies being one once again.  
  
Daisy hit her wave first, bouncing erratically and screaming at the top of her lungs as she grabbed her breast with one hand and bunched her hair up in the other. ** _

_**The sight of her bouncing on top of him, because of him, and her face that was twisting in pleasure, was enough to send Billy soaring as his own orgasm hit hard.** _

_**He kissed Daisy as they slowly came down, and she explored every inch of his mouth, loving the taste of herself on his lips.** _

_**When they were done and their breath had been caught, Daisy sat up and crawled over to the piano, still sitting stark naked on the ground, just tinkering away at a melody that was in her head. Then she began to sing.** _

  
“ _Black clouds that turn to blue/ my arms forever holding you/ I’ll never say goodbye again/ if you’ll let me begin again_ …”

_**  
Billy moved behind her, kissing her shoulder as she continued to play.** _

_**  
She continued humming a chorus melody and Billy started singing the first thing that popped into his head.** _

“ _Only you, see every part of me/only you, know what our lives can be/ we watched the storm come rushing in/ pushing our pain away/pulling you from the bay/ our love is whole again.”_

__________

 **Billy** : We wrote “Only You” that night. It never went on an album or anything, but it healed us. Because in every moment, the good and the bad, that’s what we do. We turn to music.

  
 **Daisy** : That night healed us in every way possible.


	37. Chapter 37

**Julia/Narrator** : In the summer of 1980, The Six hit the road to promote their already chart topping sophomore album Circles, and this time...they did it with family in tow. They were criss crossing the country playing to shows that sold out within minutes of going on sale. Karen Sirko had decided to tour with the band after all. And when studio musician Steve Lockwood, a Vietnam veteran, was unable to tour due to health concerns he was replaced by the very guitarist he took the place of in the studio. Eddie Loving.  
  
 **Eddie** : Look, that band was like family. Sometimes you hate your family. But you’re stuck with them. And besides, I learned that if I didn’t have to write in the studio with Billy Dunne, he wasn’t half bad. I did like playing with him. And I’ll go ahead and say what everyone else is thinking: he became a lot easier to be around when he wasn’t constantly hung up on keeping his dick out of Daisy Jones. Sorry.  
  
 **Julia** : Apology accepted.  
  
 **Julia/Narrator** : The Six travelled in three different vehicles: The Band Bus that carried Warren, Karen, Eddie and Rod...The Family Bus that carried Graham, Camila and the Dunne girls...and the beat up RV that carried Billy, Daisy, and very often....me.  
  
 **Camila** : Linda Ronstadt has just cut her hair into this great, short shag and I actually wrote her a letter to thank her. She rocked a body that similar to mine too, a little more boyish. Hitting the road was hard enough with three girls in tow, and your dad and Graham in tour mode: if I had felt like an ugly mess that would have been a real added stressor for me. But my hair was coming in short and wavy and being out on the road with that band again felt like coming home. Strange right? We left on the road and it felt like home. Everything felt new and old at the same time.  
  
 **Karen** : The Band Bus was where it was at, although we had all sat down and decided that we were all staying dry on the bus. No booze, no dope, no pills. If we went out after a show that was one thing. But really, it wasn’t a hard sell. We needed Billy and Daisy and I wasn’t going to let us mess this up. I just needed to make sure that we could get Eddie laid as often as possible and then I knew he’d be ok too, even if he didn’t like it. [She pauses and smiles] I took one for the team a few times.   
  
**Eddie** : C’mon. I’m not sharing a bus with Karen Sirko and not trying to seal that deal. Especially if I couldn’t so much as roll a joint.  
  
 **Daisy** : I remember getting ready to tour and we were storing clothes and stuff on one bus...which was funny enough because I had a pretty large assortment of stuff, it’s own wardrobe really, and your dad had - wait for it...  
  
 **Julia** : Denim shirts and jeans?  
  
 **Daisy** : [She laughs] Springsteen had started wearing t-shirts so every once in awhile he would branch out. But not far. I kept trying to put other stuff on the bus and I’d go out there later and it would be gone. I thought I was losing my mind. I had brought this suitcase full of books and it went missing. I KNEW no one else was reading. It wasn’t like Warren was all of the sudden into Anais Nin.  
  
 **Billy** : The tour kicked off in LA so we were geared up and ready to go after the first show. And the night before, I pulled Daisy out of the house...we had all these busses and cars lined up right there in Venice Beach. And I showed her my idea. It was too late for her to argue...but I don’t think she would have either way.  
  
 **Daisy** : There it was. The camper. All hooked up to the back of a bus. And...full of all my things. He had even strung these Christmas lights all through it. Billy was used to touring sober. Tho part of me...this huge part of me...was dreading every second of it. And he knew it.  
  
 **Billy** : It was all hands on deck. For the first time, it wasn’t my sobriety that I was worried about.   
  
**Julia** : Did you worry about it though? On that tour? Keeping yourself sober, too?  
  
 **Billy** : When you’re recovering, it’s part of your life every day. Still is. But it went from being the first thing I thought about it the morning to...maybe the fourth. So that felt like progress to me.  
  
 **Julia/Narrato** r: The Circles Tour kicked off at The Hollywood Bowl on June 27th, 1980. It was Billy Dunne’s 34th birthday.  
  
 **Daisy** : Any fear I had about touring sober or performing sober disappeared as soon as the lights went up. When I heard that crowd completely lose their shit in the dark, I was ready.   
  
**Karen** : The end of the Aurora tour got so cloudy and muddled and, at least for me, it stopped being about the music. We opened the set with This Could Get Ugly because we didn’t even have a single out from Circles. That’s how fast that tour moved. And it was selling out either way. It was crazy. Right before we went on that night Graham came up behind me and squeezed my shoulders. He told me to rip Los Angeles a new asshole out there and he winked. We were ok.  
  
 **Graham** : Camila and the girls started the show in the bus, which was good because we were all nervous wrecks getting back out there. But as soon as that show started I was watching the wings waiting for your mom and you girls. Some bands had groupies. We had this little gang of all these gorgeous brunettes. [He smiles] And your mom was so hot in those days. This short hair and she wore these barely there crop tops and embraced her new body and she just...man, she looked good. Still does. But...whew...she owned that look.  
  
 **Eddie** : We had rehearsed the stuff we knew and the stuff I had to learn. But playing live with the band again felt good. I missed having Pete around. A few times I’d lay some extra riffs in and Billy would shoot me this look reminding me of my place. But it was harder to argue since technically I HAD left and didn’t work on any of the new licks myself. Doesn’t mean it pissed me off any less. He was still the boss.  
  
 **Camila** : The twins were old enough to be part of the action. It was so fun to watch them grow into that world. They had their tour shirts and their personalized cans. The three of you...our girls...you knew every word and you loved to watch them play. Sometimes I wondered if the audience was annoyed that your dad performed most of his stuff to the wings to just live in those moments with you girls.  
  
 **Billy** : The energy around that tour was incredible when we first hit the road. It was different. The energy used to be Daisy and I trying to endure each other, in whatever way you want to take it. Singing with her every night on that tour was like foreplay. I couldn’t get enough of that music and I couldn’t get enough of her. Everything felt...right.

_________________________

 ** _Hollywood Bowl, Los Angeles, California_**  
 ** _June 27, 1980_**  
 ** _-Rolling Stone Rock Critic Jonah Berg_**  
  
 _ **The Six took the stage at The Hollywood Bowl and the crowd was on their feet before the lights came up. They didn’t sit back down until way after the second encore.**_  
  
 _ **Warren Rhodes came out into a solo spot, started the bass drum for This Could Get Ugly and played an extended intro as Eddie Loving and Karen Sirko joined in gradually, followed by Graham Dunne. Billy Dunne came out second to last and introduced Daisy Jones, who made her way out to the mic with him only after he had sung the first verse. Billy was in his standard denim on denim uniform and Daisy Jones had a pink shift dress that went to the floor and was practically transparent when they hit her with light. She was barefoot.**_  
  
 _ **That first show was electric. I had followed this band long enough to know that they were good, and as good live as they were on vinyl. But this show, and this album, put them in a brand new category. The melodies were incredible, the harmonies were tight, and it was a lyrical reflection of the turmoil that the band members had endured since abruptly stopping their previous tour in Chicago.**_  
  
 _ **But if anyone had any doubts about the new direction The Six had taken, they were put to rest in the first encore.**_  
  
 _ **The house had gone black and the audience was stomping their feet, begging the band to come back. Finally, after the longest twenty minutes of the whole decade so far, Daisy Jones reappeared at the center mic in a pool of light. The place went bananas.**_  
  
 _ **“We love you Los Angeles!!” She screamed into the mic as the crowd erupted again. She looked off to the side stage and smiled, giving the “ok” sign.**_  
  
 _ **“So some of you, that have followed our story and stuck it out with us, might know that this night is gonna go down in history. Not only is The a Six back on the road...” She had to pause for a thunderous applause...”and not ONLY are you here with us to kick that back off in the place we all started this whole mess....” she paused again...”but this night marks a special occasion.”**_  
  
 _ **She stood from her stool and suddenly there were three pools of light. A microphone and a stool in each.**_  
  
 _ **Daisy Jones stretched her arm out and into that pool of light, in a haircut as cropped as her shirt and carrying an acoustic guitar, walked Camila Dunne. Who...in case any readers have been living under a rock...was the former wife of Billy a Dunne and current girlfriend of his brother Graham Dunne. But that wasn’t what made her remarkable, as Daisy told the crowd.**_  
  
 _ **Daisy Jones took Camila Dunne’s hand and the crowd went absolutely wild. Women were crying, cheering, witnessing something magnetic.**_  
  
 _ **“This woman right here is the most bad ass survivor I have ever met. And as if she doesn’t make it hard enough for me to not want to be her...she went and learned the guitar.”**_  
  
 _ **The two women laughed and Camila sat on the stool as Daisy adjusted the mic for her. Into the other two pools of light appeared Graham Dunne, also carrying a guitar strapped to his back and holding the hands of Maria and Susana Dunne, the three years old twin daughters of Billy and Camila, who sat on a stool with Graham behind them. Daisy walked to the light pool stage right and as soon as she hit the stool, Julia Dunne ran onto the stage carrying a pink microphone. She jumped into Daisy’s arms and the audience started screaming so loud that even in cans she covered her ears.**_  
  
 _ **“Julia...did you have something you wanted to say??”**_  
  
 _ **Julia Dunne shyly nodded and then leaned into her microphone and giggled.**_  
  
 _ **“HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY!!!!”**_  
  
 _ **The maximum capacity crowd at the Hollywood Bowl lost their minds. The kids on the stage keeping them from an all out riot, as this stage of women, joined by The rest of the band upstage, encouraged the crowd to chant for Billy Dunne.**_  
  
 _ **When he finally came out, his hand over his forehead, a towel on his neck, you could tell he was as surprised by it as the audience was.**_  
  
 _ **“We love you, Billy Dunne!!” Daisy shouted into the mic and the girls all giggled. He moved across the stage and kissed each of them, waving to the crowd as he stopped at the center mic. He put his arm around Camila and leaned into the mic.**_  
  
 _ **“How about this woman right here??”**_  
 _ **The crowd could barely contain themselves. He kissed her forehead then moved to Daisy and Julia as Camila started to play.**_  
  
 _ **They whispered to each other and he kissed Julia before kissing Daisy Jones and you would have thought that place was on fire. As if everyone in the world had been waiting for those two to kiss since they heard Honeycomb.**_  
  
 _ **Camila started to strum some chords nervously and the crowd hushed, hanging on their every words.**_  
  
 _ **Billy stood by Daisy as she sung the first verse into the mic in the debut performance of the song Outside The Lines that she had written for Camila, Julia, Susana and Maria Dunne. Karen Sirko got co-writing credit on the single that was released shortly after the June 27th show. A show that will undoubtedly go down in history right beside the last show of the Aurora tour.**_  
  
 _ **The lyrics, which included “we don’t fit in anyone’s mold/we are the greatest story ever told/every long day and through each dark night/I will hold him and promise the girls are alright” painted the picture of a blended family of strong women against the landscape of life on the road. And on the final chorus, the band dropped out leaving only Camila Dunne’s bar chords as she and all three of her daughters joined Daisy on the final chorus.**_  
  
 _ **You could have heard a pin drop. At one point Billy Dunne turned upstage and the look on keyboardist Karen Sirko’s face let the audience know he was as moved as they were.**_  
  
 _ **When the song was over the ground shook with applause and the band stood. Graham Dunne held the twin girls, Daisy and Billy held hands in the air as he thanked the audience for the birthday wishes before gesturing to the girls. Julia Dunne landed in her mother’s lap center stage. They stood in the lights for a few minutes before the stage went dark.**_  
  
 _ **It ushered in a new era of rock and roll not only for The Six, but bands that were already starting to follow in their wake.**_  
 _ **_____________________**_  
  
 **Billy** : I couldn’t believe it. I mean I really couldn’t believe it. The fact that somehow they pulled that all together without my knowing. It was amazing. I still can’t wrap my mind around it when I think of that night. And I still can’t listen to that song and keep it together. We came off stage and I was in shock for probably ten minutes. Couldn’t find the words.  
  
 **Camila** : It was a rush. To be a part of something like that. To feel that energy in the crowd and how supportive they were. But I would never do it again. I was terrified! I made you promise you would sit with me if I gave you a hand signal...  
  
 **Julia** : I remember you flashing that peace sign...  
  
 **Camila** : And you ran right to me.   
  
**Graham** : it was something special. I hadn’t heard the song and it was...it was beautiful...  
  
 **Julia** : ...but....  
  
 **Graham** : It was this beautiful song about these women all loving each other and taking care of each other and holding each other together...for Billy. You know? He was what they all had in common. I was back to standing there with my dick in my hand. I was trying hard not to take it personally. It was a song. But things were never just songs in our band. Daisy had wrote it. With Karen. And they forgot all about me.  
  
 **Daisy** : The look on your dad’s face. It’s burned into my memory. That whole night it burned into my memory.  
  
 **Julia** : Mine, too.  
  
 **Camila** : We lived on that high for days. Weeks. Until the Rolling Stone came out.  
  
 **Billy** : We sat backstage and had cake and ice cream. You girls ate so much I thought...we are gonna be rolling on these busses all night with at least three puking toddlers. Nothing says rock and roll like that.  
  
 **Eddie** : Kids singing on stage? Ice cream back stage? I was playing for the fucking Romper Room house band. I told Karen if she didn’t get me weed, I was going to lose my mind.  
  
 **Karen** : I scored him some joints and made him promise not to take them anywhere near your dad or Daisy. One night in and Eddie was already...Eddie.  
  
 **Billy** : I wanted to get into that RV so bad and...I mean, I won’t spell it out for you...  
  
 **Julia** : Oh, why stop now??  
  
 **Billy** : [He laughs] Well you know what I’m saying. We had two days to get to the Portland show and I was looking forward to that drive right up the coast.  
  
 **Karen** : Usually our post show ritual was keeping Billy and Daisy away from each other, that night I think they would have gone for it right backstage if you girls weren’t around.  
  
 **Camila** : We were all tired. It was that familiar kind of exhaustion. Karen, Warren and Eddie all went out, but the parents all stayed behind. [She smiles] I knew your dad and Daisy probably had...plans...but you girls all ran to them because you couldn’t wait to sleep in that camper.  
  
 **Daisy** : The three of you, covered in ice cream and still singing...how could we say no. I remember your dad looking at me and laughing as we both shrugged and each grabbed a twin.  
  
 **Billy** : The five of us crammed into the camper with the one twin bed.  
  
 **Julia** : Daisy and I slept in the bed and you and the twins slept on the floor.  
  
 **Daisy** : You fell asleep so fast, spooned up into me. And I was watching your dad pass out with the girls curled into his bare chest. I whispered that I loved him. That it wasn’t the night we had imagined...  
  
 **Billy** : That night was perfect.  
  
 **Camila** : Graham was a little icy to me that night, and with it just being the two of us I assumed he’d be as hot as I was...but he told me he was tired. He cuddled and he fell asleep. I was more worried than disappointed. But I was still disappointed, too.

 **Julia** : Any of the mini rockstars wind up losing their ice cream on the bus?

 **Daisy** : [Pauses] Not the mini ones...no.

 **Graham** : We saw the proof of the Rolling Stone article before it ran. Rod had seen to that. No more surprises from Jonah fucking Berg. The article was fine. It was the cover that....the cover that I didn’t like. But...who asked me?  
  
 **Daisy** : It was beautiful. The shot was framed beautifully and it was a great snapshot of that moment in time.   
  
**Rod** : Billy and Daisy were barely in focus but their hands were clasped and they were looking at each other. And just through their hands you could see the silhouette of Camila with her guitar. But the focus of that picture was this adorable six year old with wonky teeth and a pink microphone. These giant green eyes and huge cans over her ears. Staring at Billy and Daisy the way everyone did. Wearing her Circles tour shirt. It was a great shot. You think about that next to the cover with Billy and Daisy in a stand off that he had run for the Aurora tour?? About how they hate each other?? It was a great shot.  
  
 **Camila** : On one hand, I wasn’t sure how I felt about my baby being on the cover of Rolling Stone. On the other hand? My baby was on the fucking cover of Rolling Stone. It was iconic. You...were iconic. And it showed the world that this band was powerful because it was about music. But it was also about family.   
  
**Graham** : One big happy family I was starting to feel like I was less and less a part of.


	38. Chapter 38

**Billy** : Daisy woke up early that next morning and leapt off the bed, stepping in between me and your sisters so that she could run to the tiny camper bathroom to throw up. I remember sitting up and feeling hung over, and laughing at that fact that even a year ago, there would have been a bigger possibility of me being hung over from actual alcohol, than cake and ice cream with a side of princess bedtime stories. Thirty-four felt like a milestone somehow, and I figured if this is what the year was gonna bring: the band back on top, your mom healthy, Daisy Jones in my bed and my heart, and my little brother finally happy too… then bring on thirty-four.

  
**Daisy** : My stomach hurt like crazy and my head was spinning. I had no idea why. I hadn’t slipped up. I wasn’t back on the booze or pills, but yet it felt like I was. I couldn’t stop throwing up that whole night or that next morning. Then I had this sinking feeling in my gut as a horrible thought hit me…

  
**Julia** : What if you were pregnant…?

  
**Daisy** : [nods] Yeah. I wasn’t sure if I was ready for that. Honestly, somehow, I forgot that was even possible. I know that sounds crazy because obviously, biologically, I could get pregnant, and Billy and I weren’t exactly preventing it. But… I think I just buried that desire somewhere deep down after I lost Bear. I had abused my body for so long with drugs, that I was convinced that that’s why I lost him in the first place, so it was easier to not even think about the possibility of having anymore kids. But I didn’t know why else I could have been feeling that way. I didn't even eat enough cake or ice cream to explain the vomit.

  
**Billy** : You girls were eating some pancakes that I had made on our little camper hot plate, and Daisy still hadn’t come out of the bathroom. I knocked on the door softly and when I opened it, she was leaning up against the toilet, her head resting on her arms. She looked like she had seen a ghost.

  
**Daisy** : I didn’t want this to be a surprise if it was true. I knew that I would need Billy from the very beginning, and I hadn’t even processed HOW I would feel if it were true. But when he opened the door, all I could say was, “I need to take a test.”

  
**Billy** : My heart stopped. We had just fully recovered from our last pregnancy. Things were good now and… when she said that, I instantly felt all of that good, crumbling around me like a house of cards.

  
**Julia** : Ok, so, I’m not trying to be a jerk here, but Dad, you weren’t taking any precautions. What did you think could happen?

  
**Billy** : I know. I know it was stupid. It was just… how we were.

  
**Daisy** : We were somewhere in Redding, stopping to grab some lunch, and Billy told the group that we had to run an errand really quick.

  
**Eddie** : They were totally going to have a good camper fuck, let’s be real.

  
**Karen** : I mean, yeah, they needed some alone time. That was pretty obvious.

  
**Camila** : Obviously everyone thought they were going to…have some fun. But I didn’t think so. Daisy walked into that restaurant in a cardigan and her arms wrapped around herself, and she sat there quietly the whole time. All of that was so not Daisy. 

  
**Daisy** : Billy and I slipped out and found a drug store, and we bought three tests just to make sure. Then we went back to the camper so that I could pee on them in peace.

  
**Billy** : I had never been around from this point of the process before. Both Camila and Daisy had just told me after the fact, but this time, Daisy wanted me right there as she peed on three sticks, all at the same time. Those five minutes that we had to wait were torture.

  
**Daisy:** I was sure I was pregnant. I had all of the signs and symptoms, and I was just bracing myself for the two pink lines. 

  
**Billy** : They were negative. All three of them.

  
**Daisy** : I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. I hadn’t been sure how I would feel if I was pregnant, but I was now sure of how I would feel if I wasn’t. Devastated. 

  
**Billy** : I hate to admit it, but I was relieved. It would have been a lot to digest and I was happy with the way things were going. It worked for us. A baby would… complicate things. I didn't want that.

  
**Camila** : When they walked back into the restaurant, Daisy looked worse than before she left. I knew something must be very wrong. 

  
**Daisy** : I didn’t want to be there. I sat in the large, circular booth next to Camila, and she put her hand on my knee and leaned over to whisper in my ear, “everything ok?”

  
**Camila** : She just looked at me. So, I made a loud declaration to the table of needing to use the restroom, and I moved to my left, making all of the boys move to let me out of the booth. I could have just had Daisy move, but what fun would that have been?

  
**Daisy** : She asked if I wanted to join her, and I nodded, then asked Karen if she wanted to come too. 

  
**Karen** : Camila and Daisy had gotten really close and they shared a special bond that made me feel like a third wheel. It didn’t ever upset me, but it was weird. I wasn’t included in a lot, but that day, I could tell something was wrong with Daisy. So the fact that she invited me in… that meant a lot. 

  
**Daisy** : The three of us went into the one room bathroom and Camila locked the door, leaning her back up against it. 

__________

**1980**

  
_**“Ok Daisy… what’s going on?” Camila folded her arms, but her voice was gentle.** _

_**Daisy sat on the toilet and just started crying.** _

_**She was holding her stomach and Camila’s face dropped.** _

_**“Daisy… are you… pregnant?” Camila swallowed hard, scared to hear the answer.** _

_**Karen squatted down in front od Daisy, placing her hands on Daisy’s knees to steady herself.** _

_**Daisy continued to cry, and Camila handed her some toilet paper.** _

_**  
“Are you, Dais?” Karen’s voice was questioning, but calm.** _

_**  
Daisy slowly started shaking her head as she said, “no…” in a voice that sounded like a child.** _

_**Camila let out a deep breath the she had been holding.** _

_**  
“I’m sorry, Daisy…” She hugged her tight as Karen stood up and turned around to pace slowly.** _

_**  
“How many tests did you take?” Karen was chewing on her index fingernail as she asked.** _

_**“Three.” Daisy looked up at her.** _

_**Karen nodded.** _

_**“We need to get you to a Doctor.”** _

_**Camila laughed.** _

_**“Why? Three seems like a pretty solid result.”** _

_**Karen ignored her as she turned to Daisy.** _

_**“Have you been feeling tired? Nauseous? Lightheaded?”** _

_**Daisy nodded.** _

_**“Yeah, all of those things. I’m guessing it was just too much cake and ice cream now though.” She looked down at the toilet paper she was still holding, and Karen moved closer to her.** _

_**“I don’t think it’s ice cream, Daisy.” Her voice was steady and firm.** _

_**  
Camila gave her a curious look.** _

_**  
Karen took a deep breath.** _

_**“Last year… I was feeling super sick... and I got nervous that I might be pregnant. So, I took a test. Then I took another test, and another one just to make sure. They all said negative. But I still felt sick. So I went to the doctor to get some medicine, and they told me I was pregnant. I thought they were nuts, but they weren’t.”** _

_**Daisy’s eyes got wide.** _

_**“You were…pregnant? What happened?”** _

_**Camila shot Karen a look that said, ‘do you really want to do this?’** _

_**Karen gave her a reassuring nod and small smile.** _

_**“I decided that I didn’t want a family, and so… I just stopped being pregnant.”** _

_**  
Daisy felt her heart drop. She believed in a woman’s right to choose, but after you lose a baby the way she did, hearing that someone decided not to keep theirs** _ _**intentionally, hits differently.** _

_**“Oh.” Daisy looked back down at her hands.** _

_**Karen squatted down again.** _

_**  
“My point is, tests can be wrong. We have to take off for Portland in a couple of hours, but there’s a clinic a couple of blocks down the street. I say we go.”** _

_**  
“I don’t know…” Daisy bit her lip as she thought about it.** _

_**  
“Karen’s right. We need to go. You need to know for sure.” Camila put her hand on Daisy's shoulder and took Karen's hand.** _

_**Daisy blew her nose and stood up.** _

_**“Ok, let’s do this.”** _

__________

 **Eddie:** The three of them walked out of that bathroom like they had just done something shady and they didn’t want any of us to know about it. It was hot. I pictured them all making out and getting it on in there. I mean, why not, right?

  
**Julia** : Ok then.

  
**Graham** : I looked at Camila and gave her a questioning look. She just walked over and grabbed my chin with her fingers and kissed me deeply before she said, “We need some girl time. We’re gonna go shopping for an hour. Meet you dudes back at the busses”, and that was that.

  
**Karen** : Thank God for Camila.

  
**Daisy** : We snuck around, going up and down alleys and making sure the coast was clear before we went into the clinic. The last thing I needed was someone seeing Daisy Jones going into a clinic, and then have them spread it all through the grapevine. 

  
**Karen** : We were good at being stealth. 

**Camila** : We were in and out in thirty minutes.

  
**Julia:** And?

  
**Daisy** : The test was positive. They told me that the at home kits you can buy were new and not very reliable, and that I should have come to them first. I told them I wasn't from around there and the nurse said, "Oh, where are you from, hon?" and it made my day. They didn't know who I was. That was rare. I loved it.

  
**Karen** : I knew I was right about the tests.

  
**  
Camila** : I was scared for her. I didn't want her getting depressed... or worse... I didn't want her to lose another baby.

  
**Daisy** : I needed to process, so we went shopping afterwards and by the time we got back to our respective vehicles, I was ecstatic. When we were shopping, I had found a tiny, tiny, denim onesie. I couldn’t believe it. I had to buy it! The first time I found out I was pregnant I didn’t do anything special to announce, and my timing was shitty. I just ran out into the tension filled living room and blurted it out. But this time, I wanted to tell Billy in a special way… even if I was terrified. Which I was. Very, very terrified. 

  
  
**Billy** : You three girls climbed back onto the family bus with your mom and Graham, and we all hit the road. Daisy seemed…fine. I was nervous that finding out she wasn’t pregnant would trigger her somehow, but she was singing at the top of her lungs to every song that came on the radio. “Hotel California”, “Dancing Queen”, which of course meant she had to stand up and dance to it like she was on a stage, “Dreams” … [pauses] damn music was good in the 70s. Anyway, she was dancing and singing to all of it. Thank God for Troy, the guy we hired to drive the RV because there is no way she would have been able to stay seated in the passenger seat for the whole tour. 

  
**Daisy** : I pulled him off of the couch that he was sitting and strumming his guitar on, and started dancing into him, pushing my butt into his waist and reaching back to grab his hair.

  
  
**Billy** : That woman was so sexy, and she knew it. I had to constantly remind her that Troy was up front or else she would have wanted to have sex all the time.

  
**  
Daisy** : We had sex all the time. Troy was cool and used to tell us, “you kids got a great thing going here, and your dick and tits won’t be the same forever. Use ‘em.” [laughs] So, we did. 

  
**  
Billy** : I don’t remember that.

  
**  
Julia** : Ok, Dad.

  
**Daisy:** I pulled Billy onto the bed in the back, and I pushed him down so I could straddle him. He thought we were going to get it on, so he took his shirt off and started grabbing my boobs. I slapped his hand away and reached under the bed, pulling out a gift bag and handing it to him.

  
**Billy** : I figured it was a belated birthday present.

_________  
  
**1980, the RV.**

  
_**“I have something for you.” Daisy’s eyes sparkled as she handed him the bag.** _

_**“What’s this?” Billy sat up, and his face lit up with excitement.** _

_**“Just open it!” Daisy sat back on her heels, still straddling his thighs.** _

_**Billy pulled out all of the tissue paper, then his heart stopped, and his face dropped as he pulled out the little denim onesie.** _

_**  
“Happy birthday…Daddy.” Daisy’s voice cracked as her eyes filled with happy and scared tears.** _

_**  
Billy’s pursed his lips and whispered, “I thought the tests were negative.”** _

_**  
Daisy’s smile faded as she slid off to one side of him.  
  
** _ _**“They were wrong. I…Camila and Karen…we…I…the clinic…” Daisy took a deep breath before starting over.** _

_**“The tests were wrong. They must have been defective or something because Karen told me that I should go to a clinic to find out for sure, and that’s where we went while you guys were still at the restaurant.”** _

_**Billy pulled his knees up and wrapped his arms around them, his hands clasped.** _

_**“And they told you you were pregnant?” Billy’s eyes were empty.** _  
_**  
Daisy nodded as she gave him a hopeful smile.** _  
_**  
“Fuck.” Billy ran his hands through his hair, resting his forehead in his palms.** _

_**Daisy grabbed the bag and stuffed the onesie back in it, her face hot with tears.** _

_**“You know what? Fuck you, Billy Dunne. I thought this would be good news and I thought you would at least say you were happy. Thanks for ruining it.”** _

_**She started to walk away as Billy called after her.** _

_**“How could you think this is good news, Daisy? Do you remember what happened the last time? I can’t go through that again. WE can’t go through that again.”** _

_**Daisy stopped as she felt a rage ignite in her. He fully expected her to lose the baby again. He didn’t trust her or believe she could keep a baby alive.** _

_**She kept her back to him as she said, “I hate you” through a clenched jaw.** _

_**She stormed out and went into the bathroom because it was the only place she could be alone in that RV, and she just held her stomach and cried.** _

_**“It’s ok, baby. I’m here. I’m going to protect you. I’m not going to hurt you… I promise.” Daisy whispered to her stomach as she leaned against the wall.  
  
She had never felt so alone.** _

_____________

 **Billy** : Have you been keeping track of how many times I seriously fucked up in my life? I don’t know how Daisy didn’t leave me right then and there. I would have deserved it.

  
**Julia** : I hate to say it, but yeah, you would have. 

  
**Camila** : We got to Portland some hours later, and we had that night to do whatever we wanted before the show the next night, and Graham wanted to take me out on a date. Before I could even go over to Billy and Daisy’s RV to see if they wanted to watch the girls for a little while, Daisy was knocking on our bus door.

  
**Graham** : She was crying and I knew Billy had to have done something stupid. You girls were in the back room playing house, so Daisy sat on our little sofa against the wall and told us everything. I wanted to punch Billy for the way he handled it. And the old me probably would have. But after living through Camila’s cancer stuff and seeing just how much trauma affects the person you love… I understood where he was coming from.

  
**Camila** : I just held her and told her he would come around. And if he didn’t, I would be having a nice looong conversation with him. [she holds up a fist and laughs]

  
**Daisy** : I was more than happy and eager to watch you girls so your mom and Graham could go out. I needed some space from Billy. You girls gave me a makeover…  
well, you tried to give me a makeover. The twins just ended up pulling my hair and stabbing my eyes. [laughs] But I’ll never forget it… you had this crazy intuition when you were little. You still do. But when you were putting blue eyeshadow on me that night, you said so nonchalantly, “I can’t wait to have a baby brother again. Can you put one in your tummy, Daisy?” And then you stopped and ran to the mini fridge and pulled out a slice of watermelon. 

  
**Julia** : I did?

  
**Daisy** : You did. And I ate it gladly because I did want to give you that baby brother and I wished in that moment that you would always believe in watermelon seed babies. 

  
**Graham** : It was a great night out with Camila. She put on this slinky black dress that bunched at her waist, and she had borrowed these long diamond earrings from Daisy, and she looked…wow. It felt so good to be out and alone, just the two of us, but… she couldn’t stop talking about Billy. How Billy reacted to Daisy. How Billy needed to lighten up and support Daisy. How I needed to talk to him. How she needed to talk to him… it kind of put a damper on the evening.

  
**Camila** : When we got back to the bus, the twins were sleeping in their built in toddler beds, and Daisy was curled up with you on your small little bunk, sound asleep. You both looked so peaceful, so I just threw a blanket over you two and closed your bunk curtain.

  
**Graham** : Daisy stayed with us for the next four days. That Portland show was hell.


	39. Chapter 39

**Billy** : I was trying to wrap my mind around how I had just watched Daisy fall apart. And I mean, really fall apart. Julia, she tried to kill herself because she couldn’t live with the pain of how that felt in her damn soul and now...God, like weeks later she was going to risk that again? I couldn’t sit back and watch that happen. And I really couldn’t figure out how that made me the bad guy. I honest to God just didn't think it could happen that fast and I couldn't process it yet. Not with everything else going on.

 **Julia** : Again, I’ll remind you since you have been so frank with me, you were having unprotected sex on a regular basis and it never crossed your mind that this was something that could happen?

 **Billy** : Honestly at that point, no, I just assumed it was too soon.

 **Julia** : You know what they say about making assumptions...

 **Billy** : Alright, Jules. I get it. Team Daisy. I hear you.

 **Julia** : Were you really worried that Daisy would lose the baby or that her being pregnant would interfere with the success of the tour?

_[He doesn’t answer...]_

**Julia** : Would you like me to repeat the question?

 **Billy** : No. [He takes a long pause.] It was my job to worry about everything in that fucking band. Your mom and Graham, you girls, Karen, the guys, the sound, the lights, the sales. All of it. No one else did that. No one. And yeah. I was worried about Daisy being able to see it through. But I would have called the whole thing off to take her away from it if that’s what I had to do to keep her healthy and if you have to even ask me this after all this time....you don’t know me as well as I thought you did. 

.....

I think I’m done, Julia.

**_(Author’s Note: At this point, Billy Dunne took a few week’s off from interviewing for this book.)_ **

**Daisy** : The Hollywood Bowl showed us how great we could be. Portland...Seattle...Salt Lake City....they did the opposite. Well, a good chunk of them did. 

**Camila** : After the Portland show, as much as I wanted to protect Daisy, I knew we had to figure out what to do with Billy. He wasn't plugged in on stage. Even if the audiences didn't see it, I did.

 **Karen** : That suffocation energy was back. Eddie and Warren and I would split after the shows for awhile. Lisa came out in the road for a lot and we just insulated ourselves from whatever else was going on. [She pauses] I loved those women. Still do. But their lives looked so differently than mine. They were worried about having babies and getting married and keeping those men happy...and me? I was worried about whether or not to leave my bush natural or to shave it into a cute strip based on what I might be doing that night. So I decided I was gonna live that life. That’s why I was on the road. To be me. Not to feel sad about not being them. I hope that makes sense.

 **Julia** : It does, Karen. Mind if I ask who might have been seeing that bush?

 **Karen** : [We laugh] at that point plenty of people. But if you ever want a good piece of rock and roll trivia, here’s one: Eddie Loving likes a good natural bush. 

**Daisy** : We were right back into that old rhythm and I hated it so much. I was filled with this real hate for him, and it was fueled by hormones I couldn’t wrap myself around. And we were singing songs like Outside The Lines and She and Him. Songs about Billy’s children. Not mine. His. And it enraged me. It blew up after Portland. And took awhile for that fire to burn itself out. We were still opening with This Could Get Ugly and holy shit could it ever.

 **Camila** : I was waiting off stage in the green room after Portland and I heard the encore. The band came flooding in. I noticed Karen and Eddie making plans to do God knows what, but no one...and I mean no one else was talking. Graham walked to me and pulled me in for a kiss. He was soaked with sweat. I don’t know why I always loved that. We had already talked about getting Daisy back in that RV somehow so he nodded as I went to her. 

**Daisy** : I was just pounding waters like I might drown. I felt horrible. And do you think Billy so much as asked me how I felt? 

**Julia** : In his defense you had told him you hated him...

 **Daisy** : [She smiles] Always at his defense, baby girl.

 **Julia** : Not always. Currently not speaking.

 **Daisy** : [She pauses] I’m sure he deserves that. And he deserved it then. Your dad is so stubborn and boy can he pout. He was learning that the more I pushed him the more I wanted to pull. We didn’t have that down to a science yet. But I was carrying his child. He could have at least asked if I needed a glass of water.

 **Camila** : I made my way to the food table and put a plate of food together for Daisy. I knew she needed to eat. Your dad was sort of hovering close by. Like he didn’t want to talk to her but he wasn’t about to leave her alone either.

_________________________________________________

_**1980** _

_**Roseland Theater, Portland Oregon** _

_**Camila and Daisy were making small talk at the table as Camila watched her eat much like she would make sure her own daughters were eating all of their fruits and vegetables. Daisy yawned and looked exhausted. Camila remembered that exhaustion.** _

_**"You need to get off of your feet and lay down. And listen...I know you don't want to right now...but you should sleep in the camper. Try to talk this through or at least be in the same space." Camila tried to give her a pep talk and not think about all the strange dynamics of convincing her husband's new girlfriend to get back into his bed.** _

_**Billy was hovering close by, drinking a coke with Graham, but only half listening to him as he fought to hear what was being said between Daisy and Camila. Graham continued to make small talk: reliving the high points of the night's show, asking questions about some new things he had tried, talking about the impending trip to Seattle. But he knew Billy wasn't focused.** _

_**"Talk to her, man...fix it." he finally whispered, knowing they were practically close enough to hear each other. Billy glanced over at Daisy, who was looking at him only slightly over Camila's shoulder as they talked. He nodded slowly. He knew he had fucked up but he wasn't really sure how he was supposed to fix it. Or if he even really wanted to. But he walked towards the women as they talked, the rest of the room lost in their own conversations.** _

_**"Hey.." he managed as he approached them. They both nodded and stood silent. Graham lightly punched him in the back.** _

_**"You were....great out there tonight..." he continued, hoping to break the ice talking about something other than the elephant in the room.** _

_**"You can't tell I feel like shit then?" Daisy was trying to reciprocate but it came out sharper than she meant it to. Camila thought about leaving and then decided...maybe they should hover.** _

_**"Look...I'm sorry you feel like shit. But don't say that like it's my fault..." Billy was immediately on the defensive and Graham rolled his eyes at Camila knowing this was not going to end as well as they had hoped.** _

_**"Not your fault?? I'm sorry, Billy, let me make sure I have this straight. You think I got myself pregnant??" Daisy spat at him as she sat her plate of fruit down. Camila put herself between them. She knew Daisy was breathing hormone fueled fire.** _

_**"Did you ever think that maybe we should have talked about whether this was what we wanted??" Billy raised his voice and Karen and Eddie took notice. Graham grabbed him gently by the arm.** _

_**"What we...yeah Billy, I thought we had. Are you trying to tell me you don't want to have kids with me? Because that is new..." Daisy felt herself getting upset and she grabbed Camila for strength.** _

_**"Don't put words into my mouth...I just said maybe right now. This is a lot Daisy. And this soon. You just went thought hell. Did you ever think maybe I am just worried about you?? I didn't realize it could happen this soon, that's all I meant...."** _

_**Daisy's face was red and her lip quivered. Camila thought about coming to the rescue but the words that she chose could not have been more wrong. She turned to him slowly, keeping Daisy at her back.** _

_**"Billy, come on....I was pregnant with the twins within weeks after..."** _

_**She stopped. The whole room stopped. Daisy froze. Camila's voice stopped working. There was a long, deafening silence. Billy's face turned to something dark and scorned. He swallowed hard and still had to think about how to speak.** _

_**"...after what..."** _

_**Daisy squeezed Camila's hand and felt it trembling uncontrollably. She tried to speak several times and the words wouldn't come. Graham's face was as equally pained standing next to his brother and Camila's lip quivered.** _

_**"After...after....Billy,...it was different...I was...it was so early, I really didn't....I didn't....I was barely pregnant, really...you were on the road...."** _

_**Graham grabbed both of Billy's arms as he stood there for moment letting her words wash over him. Daisy watched him take it in, knowing that there was nowhere any of them could go to avoid it now, and that Camila was kicking herself for speaking her mind. Billy pulled free from Graham. Karen had moved closer to the situation and everyone left in the room had heard this very private conversation. Camila wanted to shrink into her own skin and never come back out. At least not in that room.** _

_**"I'm sorry. I should have told you. And it shouldn't have been like this...."** _

_**Billy felt himself smile as he ran his hands over his face and stopped them at his mouth. He looked at Camila...then at Daisy. He nodded and then laughed to himself.** _

_**"Let's just go for a walk..." Graham suggested, gently pulling at Billy's arm before he shook it loose.** _

_**"Wait..." Billy spoke with a fake lightheartedness that Graham knew was covering some real hurt, "I just...I want to make sure I have this right...Daisy knew this but I didn't? I mean, we all know that she didn't think I was capable of feeling any kind of emotion about losing my God damned son....so maybe you didn't either? Or did you tell her that was just the way to handle me...I'm curious..."** _

_**"Hey...let's go..." Rod had approached the group and was pulling Billy away from it as he finished his sentence. Graham followed them out as he glanced back at Camila and winced. Daisy still had her hand as Camila muttered.** _

_**"Fuck."** _

_**____________________________________________________** _

**Camila** : I usually prided myself on not having a filter. That was not one of those moments.

 **Graham** : Man if it hit me like a truck, I couldn't really imagine how it hit him. The two of them you know, both of them standing there and him just taking it left and right. I didn't always feel bad for him but I did in that moment. Really, mostly I felt like...I was gonna be babysitting him all night because it made me want to get drunk that's for sure. And I'm not Billy.

 **Rod** : I took him to a hotel. Just to get a little separation. And we drove separately to Seattle the next day. It was good. We talked thought some things. The fact is, Billy loved being a dad. As good as he was on stage and in the studio, he was even better with you girls. And I knew he was worried for Daisy. But I also knew she was scared shitless, right? It was this constant battle of trying to remind them they could take care of each other. It was like they couldn't stop themselves from making it worse all the damn time.

 **Daisy** : It broke my heart. For Camila, For Billy. And I realized that the way I had treated him when we lost Bear made him feel like I didn't think he would be sad, or feel that emotion they way I had. I think it was just the way we felt about men in general at the time. But really I hadn't thought he would feel it the way I did. And I felt bad about that. We just...we didn't talk the way we should have. I was feeling sick and tired...and pretty quick I was feeling bloated and unattractive. It was just this giant storm of bad potential.

 **Julia:** Did you ever find closure about your miscarriage with him?

 **Camila** : It never came back up.

 **Rod** : We got to Seattle and things were quiet. I think everyone just had to sit on it for awhile. You kids were a real blessing, you know that? Because no matter how heavy anything felt you girls could always make anyone smile. And it was like everyone was working together to raise you. No matter how hard everything else was.

 **Daisy** : I was sitting outside the bus when Rod and Billy pulled up. I didn't know what to expect. I was still hurt. I was still angry. But I knew he was, too, and we were going to have to sort it out. Forget about the tour, we were potentially going to have a baby together. And I was so scared about doing it right that I didn't want to be this tightly wound ball of stress. Billy walked out of the car and had these sunglasses on so I couldn't even tell if he was looking at me. But he walked right towards me and said hi. He asked how I was feeling. He asked if we could talk. He was trying, I know he was. Even if Rod had to force him to.

 **Rod** : The last thing he said to me as he got out of the car was how much he loved that woman. We pulled up and saw her, sitting in this barely there tank top and shorts, I guess they were shorts. They looked liked denim underwear. But it had to be 100 degrees. And we sat there and he stared at her. Just told me how much he loved her. Grabbed his bag and hopped out. I watched from the car and she smiled at him. I mean, that was good enough for me.

 **Julia/Narrator** : The Seattle show marked the addition of opening act "The Crossfire" to the Circles tour. They were an up and coming Runner Records act that had gained steam with the rock scene and a single on a movie soundtrack. Like The Six, they were fronted by an enigmatic powerhouse named Jo Malone.

___________________________________________________

_**1980** _

_**Kingdome, Seattle, Washington** _

_**Billy Dunne was making his way across the stage, double checking monitors and plug ins, sweating in the unusually hot Seattle sun. He hadn't spoken much to Daisy but did convince her to move out of the heat and into a bus...promising to bring her a lemonade after he did his ritualistic equipment check. He wanted to clear the air before the show and not after. But he was lost in his compulsion to double and triple check equipment.** _

**_"You know they pay people for that, right?" A voice came up from behind him as he squatted to investigate a humming coming from a_ ** **_monitor. He spun around, still squatting, until he saw Jo Malone, lead singer of The Crossfire._ **

**_"I like to double check." He said to her as he stood._ **

**_"Yeah I have heard that about you. I'm Jo. Malone." She stretched out a hand to him and he shook it._ **

**_"Billy Dunne." He introduced himself and she laughed._ **

**_"Yeah, I know who you are, dumbass." He smiled sheepishly. He was studying her and it didn't take him long to guess that she was strung out._ **

**_"Jo Malone. That's a pretty rock and roll name. Is it real?" He asked as they shook hands. Hers shook in his firm grip._ **

**_"It is. I mean, it's Josephine. But...you know. What about Billy Dunne? Real?"_ **

**_"If I was gonna make up a rock name I would have picked something a little sexier than Billy Dunne." He smiled at her._ **

**_"I don't know....is there anything sexier than Billy Dunne?" She curled her mouth devilishly and he pulled his hand from her, faster than he intended to._ **

**_"I'm excited to hear you play tonight. I've heard the album. It's good stuff." He changed the subject deftly._ **

**_"Yeah, I'd love to chat after and see what you think. Maybe grab a drink..." She smiled and Billy smirked._ **

**_"I don't drink."_ **

**_"Oooh shit, right. Sorry. Recovering right?" She was squinting her eyes and trying to read him. As if on cue Julia ran between them, pulling streamers behind her and making herself at home on stage. They both laughed._ **

**_"Yeah...sex, drugs and rock and roll kinda turned into milk, kids and rock and roll somewhere along the way..." Billy laughed._ **

**_"You can still have sex and kids. I mean last time I checked. I mean, I don't have kids but I DO have sex..." She watched Julia bop around the stage and chuckled._ **

**_"She's gorgeous. Like her dad." Jo Malone was pulling zero punches and Billy felt his already hot face flush._ **

**_"Like her mom..." he responded, hoping that it landed the way it needed to._ **

**_"Right. Oh God, of course right. But...you're not with her mom anymore right?"_ **

**_Billy nodded anxiously and ran his hand through his hair._ **

**_"Well, it was really nice meeting you officially. Let me know if there's anything you need. And have fun tonight..." He smiled at her as he started off after Julia, and to grab Daisy her lemonade._ **

**_"I look forward to hearing what you think. Even if it's over a glass of milk." She was lighting a cigarette as she shouted to him, watching him leave the stage. Billy turned to face her as he picked Julia up and was unnerved they she was still watching. He smiled._ **

**_"Hey, you and me have a job to do. Miss Daisy Jones needs a lemonade." He kissed her cheek and made his way to the green room._ **

**___________________________________________________ **

**Daisy:** Billy seemed rattled when he came into the bus. I wasn't sure why except that things were uneasy already and he always got a little antsy before a show. You handed me this tall lemonade and it smelled so good. I craved lemon for a good six months The smell, the taste. That was the first time I noticed it. You kissed me then ran back out with these streamers we had made you from some of your mom's head scarves. Your dad...I was sitting on the couch...and he laid down and put his head right in my lap. We laid there quietly for a minute. I kinda of ran my fingers through his hair and he asked if we could talk. He turned to face me and I noticed he was really looking at my belly, too. He asked...and it struck me....he asked 'hey...can e do it right this time?' I didn't know which one of us he was talking to.

 **Camila** : I remember seeing Jo Malone on stage warming up. She was drinking a beer and it was maybe...MAYBE...three o'clock. She was this tiny little thing with this shoulder length dark hair and she snarled when she sang and she was just...sex. Literally smoking and drinking as she did her mic check. And she had a killer voice. And I remember thinking...oh please someone keep this beautiful, wounded junky away from Billy Dunne.

 **Eddie** : Jo Malone. Man, I had some serious yank bait with Jo Malone. She was fucking hot. And a stone cold bitch. Which was kinda my type. But...and everyone knew it within days of them going the tour....she didn't have her eye on me. Because OF COURSE she didn't. Fucking, Billy Dunne.

 **Graham** : This....this could get ugly.


	40. Chapter 40

**Daisy** : I didn’t really know what to think of Jo Malone at first. She was a lot like me honestly. Or who I had been when I was on drugs. A little more bad to the bone, but she was pretty sure of herself. She had a killer voice too. It was a mix of Joan Jett and Pat Benatar, with a splash of Janis Joplin. I had never heard anything like it. And she was so hot. Like, even I wanted to sleep with her [laughs]. In another life, we probably would have been best friends. But we didn’t have a lot in common in this one. Well… nothing except for our desperation for Billy Dunne. 

  
**Camila** : She was a mess. She was always drunk or high, usually both, and she always had a plaything around her, both men and women. Oh, and she was obsessed with your dad. I laughed at first because I was used to groupies and fans being obsessed with him. That was normal. But Graham was concerned, and that made me concerned, so I paid closer attention. Yeah, we needed to be concerned. 

  
**Daisy** : You really need to talk to him, Jules. He can give you the best perspective here.

  
 **Julia** : He hasn’t taken any of my calls. I think he hit his memory reliving breaking point. 

  
**Daisy** : Here, let me call him. 

  
__________________

**2017, Café Stella, Sunset Blvd**

  
_“Hey dad.” Julia stood up to greet her father who was walking through the front door, his hands buried deep in his denim jacket pockets._

_“Hi, sweetheart.” Billy kissed Julia on her cheek before he followed her to the back room so that they could talk in private._

_“Thanks for coming. I ordered you a cucumber lemonade spritzer, is that ok?”_

_“That’s great.”_

_They sat across from each other awkwardly, silence hanging in the air between them._

_“So… how are Jess and the kiddos doing? They couldn’t make it?” Billy was chewing on a toothpick and leaning on the table._

_Julia shook her head._

_“No, Jess had to work, Kyle isn’t home from Juilliard yet, and Lilly is in Spain with Dan. Besides, I thought that we could have some time to talk. Just the two of us. “_

_Billy nodded._

_Julia inhaled deeply as she dove in._

_“Ok… I’m just going to say it.”_

_Billy fought to look at her._

_“Look Dad, I’m sorry if these interviews have been too much. I just… I take this job seriously and I want to get it just right. But this is also a big thing for me, learning about my family history. It’s a passion project, sure, but it’s also filling in so many gaps for me. Like, did you know that I didn’t even know when Daisy became a part of our family? Or how or when? She’s just always been there. And contrary to popular belief, I can stay neutral. I’m not judging you, even if it takes a minute to process everything. You all trusted me to write this book, and I’m so thankful you did, but you can’t get frustrated by the emotions it stirs up in me too.”_

_The waiter walked up right as Billy was about to speak, so they placed their orders instead._

_When the waiter left, Billy leaned back in his chair, tipping it slightly as he looked at his daughter._

_“I’m not frustrated. I was just… it’s a lot to relive Jules. I mean, I know that this is all truth, and that I did my fair share of shit during it all, but… it can start to feel like ‘let’s hate on Billy hour’ sometimes. I needed to decompress. Step back and clear my head. But I’m not mad at you. You haven’t done anything wrong and I’m thankful you’re letting us all be so open, and that you’re being so thorough. That’s my girl. I am so proud of you.”_

_Julia gave him a small smile._

_“Well thank you, but this really has been amazing. If it’s even possible, I feel even closer to you now. And I really miss interviewing you. It had become the highlight of my days. Would you please… are you ready to come back yet?”_

_Billy paused for a minute before he gave her a wink and said, “Yeah, I’ll try.”_

_Julia reached a hand across the table to him, and he gladly took it._

_“I love you, Daddy. Thank you.”_

_“I love you too, baby girl.”_

_Julia smiled wide._

_“Buuuut, this doesn’t mean I can take it easy on you.”_

_Billy’s face got red as he said, “shit.”_

_Julia smiled, and Billy looked up at the ceiling as a song by Shawn Mendes was ending._

_He sighed as he said, “How did music change so fucking much in just a couple of decades? Not for the better either.”_

_Julia laughed as the waiter put their food in front of them._

_“You like some new stuff though, don’t you?”_

_“Ehh… it’s rare.”_

_Right then the music switched to “Million Reasons”, and Billy pointed to the ceiling with a full mouth._

_“Now this… this right here is beautiful. That Germanotta girl is a brilliant artist, but this album is next level.”_

_Julia’s eyes got wide as she said, “You like Lady Gaga? How did I not know this?”_

_“Yeah, I’ve met her a few times. Never been a huge fan of her poppy stuff, but I love her artistry. Eddie was working on this album with her, and he sent me some stuff to see if I had any ideas for guitar licks or piano chord changes. Can you believe it? Eddie Loving was actually asking me about music!” He let out a loud laugh as Julia just shook her head and smiled._

_“There is still so much I don’t know about you, Daddy.”_

_“Well baby girl, what do you want to know?”_

___________

 **Billy** : We were in Detroit and it was about our eighth show in. I had been doing my best to keep my distance from Jo Malone because everyone was telling me that she had a thing for me. I didn’t really believe it and I honestly didn’t care if she did. I was really just trying to focus on Daisy and making things right with her. She had finally decided to come back to the RV on a trial basis, and I can’t even tell you how much better I was sleeping with her curled up next to me. When she found out she was pregnant in Redding, she was six weeks along. Barely there. But six weeks later, she had already started to grow a tiny bump, and that was making it more real... and more terrifying. We would lay in bed and talk about what it would be like, being parents together. What it’s personality would be; would it be a boy? A girl? Names… she was convinced she was going to have a girl and was obsessed with the name ‘Rain’. For a lot of reasons, but especially because of our stormy night in the studio. I wasn’t sold, but I told her I would be cool with that as a middle name. She wasn’t budging. [laughs]

  
 **Daisy** : I realized that I would need to let him in, even just a little bit if I wanted to try to move forward. But it wasn’t pretty. I never wanted to talk about baby stuff with him though because I couldn’t help but wonder if in the back of his mind, he was regretting me and this baby. My hormones were raging, and my bullshit meter was low. Everything was making me have some kind of emotion. I would cry at the tootsie pop owl commercial. I would dry heave every time Eddie and Warren brought burritos anywhere near me, and I would see red whenever Jo Malone was anywhere near any of us. 

  
**Julia** : Dad said that things were getting better. He said that you wanted a little girl named Rain and that he was trying hard to stay away from Jo. Is that not true?

  
 **Daisy** : Is that what he told you? [snorts] No. Let me set this record straight. I mentioned the name Rain once, and I told him I thought it would be cute because of our sexy night in the studio, but he just said, “huh”, so I dropped it. Again, couldn’t really talk baby stuff with him. As for Jo… he might have thought that he was staying away, but he wasn’t. I noticed him finding reasons to be where she was. She would be sound checking and he would be side stage. She would be talking to the bassist for The Crossfire, Dean…something… and he would go over and strike up a conversation with him right next to her. He might not have been actively pursuing her, but he definitely didn’t shy away. Now her on the other hand… like a dog with a bone, that one. She was always around. She would be at the catering table when he was there, she would be waiting to give him a hug after he got offstage, she would always walk with him back to the RV… she was persistent. Back then I was concerned more with her drinking and drugs in relation to Billy. I didn't want her to offer him something and have him fall off the wagon right there. But I really should have been concerned about her sex appeal. Also, the fact that she was a mess and Billy had a hero complex… yeah, bad combination. 

  
**Eddie** : Hey, I would have happily taken her off of your dad’s hands. And we fooled around a couple times, but she didn’t really care about anything other than where your dad was at all times. If she wasn’t a musician and if she wasn’t hot, I would have definitely called her a stalker. 

  
**Karen** : One night in Nashville, Jo was trying to get Billy’s attention, but all of his focus was on you, so she gave up. She saw me watching so she asked if I wanted a joint. Of course I did. I asked if I could invite Eddie and Warren, but she said, “not this time. I want some girl time”, and then she slapped me on the ass. I should have figured out what she meant right there. 

  
**Eddie** : I was amped up and knew I wouldn’t be sleeping after our Nashville show, so I looked for Karen because I wanted us to get high and then I wanted to fuck her from behind. I looked everywhere for her and didn’t see her anywhere. I thought I could just hang out with Warren and get high with him instead, before I slapped one out in the shower later, but Lisa was on the road with us, so it was a no go. I had searched both busses, the trailers, the green room and even Billy and Daisy’s RV. Nothing. So, for the hell of it, I checked the camper. Sure enough, as soon as I walked in, I was in heaven.

  
 **Karen** : Jo and I were seriously high. Like, we had switched from pot, to LSD, and we were seeing stars, high. So when she kissed me, I went with it. Her lips were soft, and she didn’t have scruff or a beard to prick me with. She also tasted like booze and that seriously got me off.  
  


  
 **Eddie** : They were completely naked, and Jo was lifting Karen up and pushing her against the wall as Karen wrapped her legs around her. The whole camper smelled like sex, and their legs were shining with all of their goodness. And the sounds… that still gets me off to this day. I wasn’t just going to stand back and watch. Two hot girls getting it on in front of me? Better than any porno I could find back then. I stripped down and dove in head first. Literally. 

  
**Karen** : Eddie and I were already so comfortable with each other by that point, and Jo would fuck anything that moved, so… we had a good time. No regrets there. [she smiles mischievously]

  
 **Camila** : Karen told me about it the next morning. I was shocked. I told Daisy to burn the sheets right away and to sanitize everything. It was disgusting. My daughters played in there! Time and place, people! [she laughs]

  
 **Daisy** : Ohhhh if Camila only knew all of the things your dad and I did in that camper over the years…

  
 **Julia** : Ok, I don’t think this is necessary for the progression of the story, so… let’s move along shall we?

  
 **Warren** : That tour was turning out to be a blast, man. I had my girl with me, all the drugs I could want, there were some pretty cool little dudettes running around backstage [pauses and winks at Julia] ... and… it just felt like a family. I mean, I know there was all kinds of shit going down between a bunch of them, but I never got caught up in that. I just wanted to play. But when Jo Malone showed up… there was a tangible crack in our foundation. The writing was on the wall. We had kept the booze and pills away from Billy, so all that was left was…

  
 **Julia** : The sex.

  
 **Warren** : [nods]

  
 **Graham** : I had been trying to tell him that he needed to be aware of what was happening around him. Ignore Jo. Focus on Daisy…on you… on the twins… hell, even me. We had a show in Miami coming up, and then the one after that was Chicago. We hadn’t been back to Chicago since… well since everything changed for all of us. I was anxious to go back. And not the good kind of anxious. The lay down on the cold tiles, anxious.

  
 **Daisy** : The Miami show was electric, but something was off with Billy that night. I just couldn’t put my finger on it. 

______________

**1980, Miami Marine Stadium, Miami Florida**

  
_**“Hey, great show. You sounded great.” Jo Malone was standing off to the side as Billy walked off the stage, reflexively catching the towel she threw to him.** _

_**“Thanks. Back at ya.” He said as he wiped his face then headed towards the green room.  
  
The rest of the band was already back there, waiting for him so they could go out all together for a final encore. ** _

_**“Yo, Billy. Wait.” Jo moved towards him seductively.** _

_**“You sounded really…really…great.”** _

_**Billy was frozen in place, as his heart began to race, and he felt his jaw clenching.** _

_**Jo moved up against him, pressing into him as she stood on her toes and licked a line up the side of his neck, up to his earlobe, taking it between her teeth and biting down just hard enough to elicit a shudder from him.** _

_**She smiled a wicked smile as she kissed his cheek.** _

_**“See you later.” She lightly blew in his ear as she turned to leave.** _

_**Billy felt his body reacting beneath him and he panicked, knowing he couldn’t walk into the green room with a boner. He looked around for something to help, then grabbed a plastic cup and scooped up some ice, and he poured it down his pants.** _

_**He was that desperate.** _

____________

 **Warren** : Everyone was wondering what was taking Billy so long. The crowd was getting restless, and they were screaming so loud for our final encore, so I volunteered to go look for him. I figured he was in the John. He didn’t see me, but I saw Jo moving towards him and licking his face. Pretty sure she grabbed his dick too. I just shook my head and thought, ‘thank God it was me and not Daisy who saw that’.

  
 **Billy** : She didn’t grab my dick.

  
 **Graham** : That was the first night I ever saw him truly flustered during a performance. We had all decided that we should give the crowd an extra something that night, so we decided on ‘Honeycomb’ for our last encore. Billy missed so many words. Thank God he can play the guitar in his sleep because he would have messed that up too, I’m sure. When we got offstage, I gave him a sharp, questioning look, and he just shrugged.

  
 **Daisy** : He had never messed up ‘Honeycomb’ before. 

  
**Camila** : When we all piled onto our busses that night, my head was spinning. Billy had just messed up during a song he could play in his sleep, and we were on our way to Chicago. Chicago… you know, the place where I kicked him out and he almost slept with Daisy? The place where Daisy and Graham got into it and Daisy spiraled and went to Pittsburgh to overdose? Yeah, that Chicago.

  
 **Billy** : I wasn’t ready for Chicago. There was trouble brewing and I was just trying to block it out. Pretend I can’t see it and then it will disappear, you know? But I should have canceled the tour right then. I regret not doing that to this day.


	41. Chapter 41

**Camila** : I’m not telling you anything you don’t know, but your dad has a real hero complex. He can get wrapped up in himself but at the end of the day he would do anything if he felt like he was saving someone else. That’s why, no matter what he put me through, I never doubted for one second that he would do anything for you and your sisters. Give up anything for you. Every bone in his body was born to be a dad. It took him a long time to believe that. But once he did? I knew he would always be there for you. Always protect you.  
  
 **Julia** : And what about you then?  
  
 **Camila** : That was my problem. I never needed saving. Daisy? She needed saving. [She pauses] And I’m glad he did that for her because they needed each other. They still do. In that case it worked. [She pauses] I tried to save your dad.  
  
 **Julia** : No. You did save him. I wouldn’t be here if you hadn’t.  
  
 **Camila** : Ok, ok. But that was the problem. Your dad wants to help the victim, not be one. That’s what was dangerous about Jo Malone. She was in desperate need of saving. It wasn’t that she was sexy...and she was...but that wasn’t it. It wasn’t that she was talented. It wasn’t the dope or the booze....  
  
 **Daisy** : She needed him. At the wrong time. Because your mom didn’t anymore, and I was pretending not to. Your dad...he just needs to feel...  
  
 **Julia** : ...needed.  
  
_____________________________  
 _ **1980**_  
 _ **Chicago, Illinois**_  
  
 _ **Billy could sense Daisy’s exhaustion during the show. He even took her hand several times throughout the night to make sure she was ok to go on. But they both noticed that it was helping them feel better. They were slowly finding their way back to each other through performing even if it was still difficult off stage. When they were done, he suggested that they skip the encore so he could get her back to the hotel room. The band sensed it, too. Eddie And Karen took to the stage and played a duet on Stairway To Heaven while the rest of the band packed up gear and loaded into cars.**_  
  
 **Jo Malone and other members of The Crossfire were doing shots backstage as Billy and Daisy walked by, his arm threaded around her waist. Jo watched him leave and he tried not to notice.** _**They met Graham and Camila at a limo, and Camila had a water bottle and some towels.**_  
  
 _ **“Billy!” Rod was calling to him from the side of the stage as he helped Daisy into the stretch. He turned to face him.**_  
  
 _ **“Van Matre is here and he’d like to get some stuff down for a piece in the Tribune tomorrow. You got ten minutes?” Rod was panting from the jog to catch them as he spoke. Billy looked at Daisy in the car and she nodded.**_  
  
 _ **“Get her back and we’ll be right behind you. You sure you’re ok?” Billy spoke to Camila and then looked at Daisy.**_  
  
 _ **“I’m fine. Rod, you babysit him ok?” She joked as Billy winked and closed the limousine door.**_  
  
 _ **Rod led him backstage to talk to the Chicago Tribune rock critic and then wandered up to the stage to help make sure everything was stripped down and ready to go to head to Saint Louis in the morning. Eddie and Karen were headed to a piano bar. She took Rod's hand and tugged him down the ramp from the stage to the street.**_  
  
 _ **“C’mon...its in boy’s town. You’ll love it!” Karen encouraged him. The three of them piled into a car.**_  
  
 _ **Billy kept the interview short and when he was alone in the green room he stretched out on the long couch, enjoying the Jackson Browne that was lilting into the room from upstairs while he heard the roadies packing it all up. He didn’t make a habit of hanging around long enough to hear it, he was usually running from temptations. But this particular night...he closed his eyes and reveled in it.**_  
  
 _ **“Well, look who it is...” Jo Malone’s voice came into the room and shook him from his daydream. He turned and saw her saunter into the room before sitting on the coffee table next to him. She kicked her legs apart as she sat and rested her elbows on them, teetering on too-tall boots. Billy lay looking at her sideways noticing that she smelled like tequila. He imagined that it was on purpose.**_  
  
 _ **“You guys were so tight tonight. Soooooo...fucking...tight. I’d love to sit in some time...get a chance to, you know, play with you....” every word dripped out of her mouth and made the hair on is neck stand up. He made himself sit up and realized that there wasn’t enough room to keep their knees from touching. She tweaked and twitched and ran her finger under her nose.**_  
  
 _ **“You’re using. What? Heroin?” He arched an eyebrow trying to read all too familiar signs on her. She giggled a little as she reached up to put her finger on his lips to hush him.**_  
  
 _ **“Heroin isn’t all the bad. But no. Not tonight. Just enough tequila to tranquilize a horse....”**_  
  
 _ **“Really...” he felt his voice shake and he wasn’t sure which of them he wanted more.**_  
  
 _ **“Really. It also numbs my gag reflex if you want to test that out for me...” She leaned into him over their knees as she spoke and it made him heady. He leaned into her slightly.**_  
  
 _ **“I think maybe that tequila makes you say things you shouldn’t.” He whispered to her, entirely too close. She put her hands on his knees.**_  
  
 _ **“Or maybe it makes me comfortable enough to say the things you’d be afraid to say sober...and besides...married guys don’t get blowjobs, right? It’d be...a gift...”**_  
  
 _ **Billy smirked.**_  
  
 _ **“I’m not married.”**_  
  
 _ **“Right....I don’t see Daisy Jones being the type to give you head either...”**_  
  
 _ **Billy stood.**_  
  
 _ **“I don’t think that’s any of your business.”**_  
  
 _ **Jo put her hands on the back of his knees. He locked them in place.**_  
  
 _ **“So that’s a no on Daisy Jones...noted...” Jo sneered at him from below.**_  
  
 _ **“Daisy gives great head. But....thanks. I need to go....” Billy went to move but her hands held him in place and she had moved her mouth over his crotch, which was now bulging in his denim.**_  
  
 _ **“I don’t think that’s what you really want, Billy Dunne. I think you’ve wanted your come in my mouth since the first time you saw me.” She was already unbuckling his jeans as she spoke.**_  
  
 _ **And he didn’t stop her.**_  
  
 _ **Jo pulled his pants open just enough to spring his cock free and her mouth was closed over him in the same breath. She reached behind him and grabbed his ass hard through his jeans as his head fell backwards.**_  
  
 _ **“Fuck....” he managed.**_  
  
 _ **She was moaning against him, twisting her fist hard at his base and slobbering and biting against the tip of his shaft. She was practically whining as she sucked him into her throat and pumped with her fist all at once. She was raw and rough and primal. Like a feral animal. He grabbed a fistful of her hair...hard...and she yelled with his cock buried in her throat. He pushed into her with so much force she gagged but smiled even as she did.**_  
  
 _ **She thought she might choke and that was the only thing that pulled her off of him. When she rocked back to catch her breath, Billy watched her intently and noticed something sticking out from under the coffee table she sat on. It took him a minute for his hooded eyes to focus but when they did...he rocked back on his heels. Forcing space between them as he covered himself first with his hands and then his pants.**_  
  
 _ **Julia’s ribbons. Under the table. Julia had forgotten her ribbons.**_  
  
 _ **His heart raced and he could barely make his fingers move in the way he needed them to.**_  
  
 _ **“What the fuck??” she hissed as she wiped her mouth clean of him.**_  
  
 _ **“I’m sorry. I can’t do this.” Billy moved to the side of her and buttoned his pants before grabbing for the ribbons and tucking them into his back pocket. His hands shook.**_  
  
 _ **“Don’t kid yourself, baby, you just did it.” She smiled slightly.**_  
  
 _ **“Look, I’m sorry. I just...this isn’t me. Not anymore....” He paused longer than he should have and she stood and pressed into him.**_  
  
 _ **“You’re just like I am. You can fight against it. You can push it down. You can drink milk and play with dolls. But deep inside you this is who you are supposed to be.” she purred and pressed at him and there was desperation. Almost...sadness. She begged him to stay.**_  
  
 **“Look, just get back to the hotel safe, alright? I have to go.”** _**Billy pulled himself from her. Not wanting to leave but not able to stay. He swore under his breath as he made his way up the stairs and to the car that was waiting to take him back to The Palmer House Hotel.**_  
  
 _ **___________________________**_  
  
 **Daisy** : It took him too long to get back. I had taken a bath, ate some food, watched some reruns on TV. He should have been back sooner.  
  
 **Graham** : I told Daisy to let me know if she didn’t hear from him or see him by midnight. Camila and I laid awake in bed and ate some really fucking good room service. We fooled around a little bit but honestly...I was just waiting for that phone call.  
  
 **Billy** : I should have just not gone back. I told myself I stopped it before it got out of hand. But the fact was it had been out of hand since the day I met her. I was just asking for it to blow up. Looking back I think maybe I wanted it to. I should have slept in the bus.  
  
 **Daisy** : He finally came in and I knew as soon as I saw him. No poker face. He didn’t turn the lights on and he took his clothes off and got right in the shower. I guess maybe he thought I was asleep. He fed me some line about trying to find your ribbons we had made you. And I saw that he had them so I thought...ok ,Billy.  
  
 **Billy** : I just felt like I needed a shower. Like somehow I was gonna wash the whole night off before I even had to think about anyone knowing. But I was just...pretty terrified. Of lots of things.  
  
 **Daisy** : I got out of bed when he got in the shower and I walked to his pile of clothes. I picked up his jeans and his shirt and it just...God, that smell. It was cigarettes and sweat and...it was her. Her fucking lipstick on the Goddamned fly of his jeans. Are you fucking kidding me?  
  
 **Billy** : She flew into that bathroom like a bat out of hell and I knew. She pulled the shower curtain and threw my clothes at me. I caught them somehow. She didn’t say anything right away.  
  
 **Daisy** : I just stared at him. Finally I asked him what the hell his problem was. Why he was such a God damned fuck up. Because he was. He just was.  
  
 **Billy** : I tried to explain to her that I had stopped it before it really got started. I told her I was gonna talk to Rod about getting The Crossfire off the tour. That I had fucked up.  
  
 **Daisy** : I told him that if we had to keep him away from everything he couldn't be trusted with we would have to move to an island. I started grabbing whatever I could find and throwing it at him. Just screaming. Not crying. But screaming. I told him he didn’t deserve me or the baby or you or the twins or your mom or Graham or the band...I was just livid. I told him I wish he has at least gotten drunk so he could blame it on the booze. Usually your dad would let me wail like that. When he started yelling back I knew this was...this was....  
  
 **Julia** : It was what?  
  
 **Daisy** : This will sound crazy...

 **Julia** : As opposed to...

 **Daisy** : Right. But it was...good. [She pauses] Talk to your mom. When your dad gets his shit handed to him...and boy does it happen a lot...he just takes it, like a scolded little boy he just...takes it. Like he likes that pain. He feels like he deserves it so he just welcomes it like a warm blanket. I have a pretty strong suspicion his dad handled him that way. 

**Julia** : I’ve seen that.  
  
 **Daisy** : I know. That night at The Palmer House he just started giving it right back to me. He yelled and screamed and just....now, it wasn’t going to make me forgive him...not in that moment. But it helped me understand him. I had been keeping him at arm’s length. Since we lost the baby. Since I asked him not to propose. When I looked at things through this Billy Dunne lens I thought...I might have been fucking around, too.  
  
 **Billy** : We had a pretty knock down, drag out. It was bad. But it was almost like it needed to happen. So we talked it out and I went and slept in Rod’s room.  
  
 **Daisy** : He fell apart. I mean, really fell apart. And it was just..pathetic really. He was still naked, just clutching this pile of wet dirty clothes and screaming and crying. He cried. It was terrible. To see him like that. But I kept thinking...no. He did this. He doesn’t get to be hurt on top of it. This pattern he was so fond of? It was going to stop. I was not going to have his babies and worry every five minutes about not being damaged enough to hold his attention.  
  
 **Julia** : Was it better than a relapse? Well, a chemical relapse?  
  
 **Daisy** : It felt like it. It felt...personal. I made him get dressed and go to Rod’s.  
  
 **Graham** : Midnight came and went and no call from Daisy. Your mom was out cold so I got dressed and hit the hallway. There he was. [He pauses] Asleep on the floor outside of Rod’s room. I thought...God fucking damnit. Here we go again.  
  
 **Rod** : I could still kick myself. To this day. For leaving him. I told Daisy I wouldn’t. And I did. And I come crawling in at two in the morning to the fuckin’ Dunne boys sitting on the floor outside my room. Sitting like bookends. And Billy looked like shit. I take some responsibility for that night I really do.  
  
 **Julia** : He was an adult.  
  
 **Rod** : Yeah he was. But he was an addict. We all pretended he wasn’t once he got clean. That’s just not how it works. I wish it was. Your dad was sick, kiddo. I made some calls to Runner and we had them off the bill by the time we got to Texas. I don't know that it was the right thing to do. It felt like punishing her for something that she didn't really have control of. But that band...those people were, and are, my family. And I was going to do what I could. I owed it to them.

___________________________  
  
 **Julia** : Did you have sex with Jo Malone?  
  
 **Billy** : No. I did not.  
  
 **Julia** : Did you consider your attraction to her a relapse?  
  
 **Billy** : I guess maybe, yes.  
  
 **Julia** : Did you feel at the time like you were going to be able to fix things with Daisy?  
  
 **Billy** : I didn’t know what the hell was happening with Daisy from one minute to the next. I never knew. [He pauses] I know two things that I learned that night: I know that if you hadn’t left your ribbons in the green room this story might have played out very differently....  
  
 **Julia** : And the other thing?  
  
 **Billy** : I fucking hate Chicago.


	42. Chapter 42

**1980, Chicago, Illinois, Hotel Hallway.**

  
_**“What the hell happened, Billy? Because I’m guessing you fucked up pretty bad if you’re sitting outside of Rod’s room and not in there with your girl.” Graham sat down next to a dejected Billy and pulled his knees up, wrapping his arms around them.** _

_**Billy snorted.** _

_**“Of course it would be my fault. Did you ever think that maybe Daisy fucked up and I just left?”** _

_**“Yeah. Right. Did she?” Graham chuckled.** _

_**Billy rolled his head to the side to stare at his brother.** _

_**“No.” His voice was small.** _

_**Graham sighed.** _

_**“You know… people aren’t going to put up with your shit forever, man. You really need to get your head out of your ass and finally start taking care of the people around you instead of just focusing on your own wants.”** _

_**  
Billy launched himself up and stood in front of Graham, looking down at him, an angry glower on his face.** _

_**  
“Take care of everyone else? What the hell do you think I’ve been doing for my entire life, Graham?” His face was getting hot and he felt thirty four years of baggage and suppressed emotions getting ready to spill out.** _

_**“Who took care of you every day while our mom was working or nowhere to be found? Who went to bed hungry EVERY night just to make sure that you had food in your stomach? Who sat out opportunities to play with other kids at school because they didn’t want to ruin their clothes because they knew they were going to be yours someday?” His voice was getting louder.** _

_**“Who the hell carried this entire band on his back? Writing, re-writing, living in the studio, producing, and missing all of the important things in life…for YOU? Killing myself to make sure that we were the best and that we could actually make it and be somebody. Who… who helped Daisy get clean when she was literally on death's door? Who set up an account for Camila and the girls to be taken care of for life so that they never have to worry about anything like we did? Who picked you up off the floor, literally, for years? ME. That’s who. Who sacrificed everything for this family? ME. THAT’S FUCKING WHO. And what is the thanks I get? An ex wife who gave up on me, a girlfriend who pushed me away, and a brother who couldn’t wait to start fucking a woman who just took pity on him. Get your own family, Graham…and stop trying to be me. You ungrateful prick.”** _

_**Graham felt his jaw and fists clench as he stood up and got right in Billy’s face.** _

_**“At least I can satisfy Camila. She screams my name every night when I make her come, and she told me that she has never felt as loved as I have made her feel. You were just too busy trying to put your dick in any chick that looked your way to care about your wife at home. And you think you made this band? Nah. We made this band. You’re just the pretty face on the cover.” He turned to walk away before he turned back to say the rest of the things on is mind.** _

_**“You know, you’re a piece of shit, man. Just when I think you’re starting to change and make some progress, you go and do something so stupid and ruin all of our lives…repeatedly. I’m sick of it. And your kids deserve better. Which reminds me… when should I expect to hear that Jo Malone is pregnant? Because that’s where you were tonight, right?” Graham scoffed in disgust. “New year, same old Billy. Just make sure you get tested. I hear that Jo gets around. I wouldn’t want you to give something to Daisy and… you know… your baby.”** _

_**Billy punched Graham hard, tackling him to the ground and sitting on his stomach, punching him repeatedly. Graham grabbed him around the waist and rolled them over so that he was on top now, and started punching his brother back. They were in a full out brawl when they heard a little voice cut through their grunts.** _

_**“Daddy?! Uncle Ram?!”** _

_**They both froze as they turned towards the voice and saw Julia peeking her head out of her room into the hallway.** _

_**“Julia, come back ins-“ Camila appeared in the doorway too, looking at the men and pursing her lips.** _

_**“Baby, why don’t you go read your sisters another story and I’ll be in in a minute to tuck you in, ok?” Camila bent down to give her daughter an eskimo kiss before sending her back inside the room and shutting the door behind her.** _

_**She walked over to the two men who were still tangled up on the floor and she stood over them, her arms crossed, anger threatening to reach the surface.** _

_**She tapped her foot and ran her tongue over her teeth behind her lips before squatting down so that she could speak in a low tone.** _

_**“Look. I don’t know what you two idiots are doing out here, but I have a few guesses. But I don’t give a shit about any of that right now because I have three little girls in there who love and adore their daddy and uncle Ram, and I want to keep it that way. But Julia isn’t going to be oblivious forever. She is slowly starting to see both of your cracks and I won’t let her take on your baggage. Either one of you. She doesn’t deserve that. I’m glad you’re having it out. You’ve needed to do this for a very long time. But you…” She points to Graham. “…you are better than this. Show some respect to your older brother. He loves you and has done a lot for you. You know that. Snap out of it. And you…” She stuck a finger in Billy’s face, poking his forehead as she spoke. “…Get. Your. Fucking. Shit. Together. Your girls need this, Billy. They need you. All of them do. Including Daisy. I swear to God, if you blew up our marriage for that woman, just so that you can blow things with her too, I will kill you myself. Grow up. Both of you. And be the men those girls think you are.”** _

_**She stood up, brushed herself off, and walked right back into her room without another word.** _

_**Graham rolled off of Billy and they both sat up and moved to lean against Rod’s door.** _

_**They were both nursing a split lip and a couple of shiners.** _

_**“Damn that woman for always being right.” Graham spoke quietly and Billy chuckled.** _

_**“She’s back to her full self I see…” He was holding his head as he rested his elbow on his knee.** _

_**They were silent for a minute before Graham spoke.** _

_**“What are we doing, Billy?”** _

**_Billy shook his head against the door.  
  
"I don’t know. I don’t know how we got here, and I don’t know how to fix it.” He felt tears rising in his eyes, but he quickly blinked them away._ **

_**Graham sighed.** _

_**“I think… I don’t know.”** _

_**“What?” Billy looked at him curiously.** _

_**“I think… I think that we could all benefit from therapy. I mean, I know that that is SO not rock and roll, but our family comes first before anything else, right? And I… I’m not doing good, man. I don’t even know what all is going on inside of me, but I’ve been having a lot of panic attacks lately. It’s starting to get out of control. I don’t want Camila to know, but…I’m scared.”** _

_**Billy nodded.** _

_**“Yeah. You’re right. And we obviously have some deep shit we didn’t even realize was still lingering. I don’t want to hurt you Graham. I really don’t. And I don’t want to contribute to your anxiety. I just… I feel like everyone puts me in this ‘be perfect’ box and it gets really fucking hard living under all of that pressure. I’m only human and I’m doing my best. I’m not drinking… I’m not popping any pills… but Daisy won’t touch me. I don’t blame her, but… I had a moment tonight where I just wanted to feel good. Jo…”** _

_**“You don’t have to tell me. Seriously. It’s over. As long as you were safe…”** _

_**“I didn’t have sex with her, Graham.”** _

_**Graham exhaled sharply as he looked between his knees.** _

_**“Oh thank God.”** _

_**Right then, Rod walked up the hallway and stood right in front of him.** _

_**“What are you two doing out here?”** _

__________________

 **Billy** : You know, everyone has always said that I have a hero complex. That I need to save people to feel like I’m doing something good in this world. Which… I don’t know. Maybe I do. But if I do… or did, it was always seriously misplaced. For example, the people who needed to be saved the most back then were Graham and Daisy, and where had I gotten trapped? With Jo. I didn’t even see the signs of Graham spiraling. He was my little brother. I knew him better than anyone. And I didn’t see it. That night in the hallway, he was asking for help in his own Graham way, and I just blew past it. Talking about my need to ‘feel good’. How much more of a dick could I be?

  
 **Daisy** : That night was horrible. I heard Billy and Graham going at it in the hallway and I just wrapped a pillow around my ears and cried until I passed out. In the middle of the night I had to pee, so I got up and then I opened my door to check and see if Billy was still out in the hall. He wasn’t. Neither was Graham, and I just prayed that they were together and that Billy wasn’t with Jo.

  
 **Julia** : Did you believe that he had sex with her?

  
 **Daisy** : [pauses] I wasn’t sure. I wanted to believe him when he said he didn’t, but… I had been the girl in a Chicago hotel room before. I knew what could happen. And I had been so cold to him. I’m not making excuses for him, or trying to take the blame, but he really was alone and… that was my fault. I was punishing him again for not reacting the way I thought he should to the pregnancy. That wasn’t fair. 

  
**Rod** : It was about 5am when there was a light tap on my door. I was already up and showered, but Billy was still asleep in one of the beds. I opened the door and it was Daisy. She looked horrible. I don’t like to say that about women because obviously, women are heavenly beings, but… she did. I just gave her a small smile and moved out of her way.

  
 **Billy** : I didn’t hear her knock or come in, but I felt her curl up into me. I stirred enough to drape my arm over her and pull her closer to me, and just her being there with me brought a calm I had been needing for a long time. 

  
**  
Daisy** : Rod just gave me a knowing nod and smile and gestured that he was going to go out for coffee. I knew he just wanted us to have some time to make up and talk things through. He wasn’t just a manager concerned with his lead singers; he genuinely cared about us and our happiness too. I owe that man so much. 

  
**Billy** : We slept for another couple of hours before waking up and just lying there. Feeling each other’s presence. Daisy rolled over so that she was facing me and I just said, “Hi.” And all she could manage to say was…

  
 **Daisy** : “Your breath stinks”. [laughs] Super romantic, right? But it was true. And I didn’t even know how I felt that morning. I was still mad, but I think I was honestly more mad at myself. If I hadn’t been such a bitchy ice queen, he might not have relapsed.

  
 **Julia** : That’s not your fault, Daisy. You know that, right? He was a grown man who made his own choices.

  
 **Daisy** : I know… but I loved him so much, and I did a crappy job of showing him that a lot back then. Anyway, when I looked at him lying there, my heart burst. I’ve said it before, but there is nothing sexier than a sleepy, groggy Billy Dunne, with bedhead and a raspy voice. I knew that he would be too scared to do anything, so I leaned forward and kissed him. I had missed him. Even though I had been with him physically this whole tour, I hadn’t emotionally been with him for a long time. 

  
**Billy** : That was the best kiss we’ve ever had. Truly. It was sweet and simple, but it said so much. She still wanted me. I didn’t deserve it, but she did. That… that still chokes me up. How I ever got the chance to have two incredible, strong, forgiving women to love me in my lifetime is beyond me, but I’d like to think Bear and Teddy were floating on a cloud somewhere looking down on me and Daisy, helping us stay together. 

  
**Daisy** : We both sat up in bed and he brushed some hair behind my ear, and my body shuddered under his touch. Our connection was still that strong, and I knew that if I just walked away now, I would regret it forever. I wanted him. I wanted him in my life, I wanted him to raise our baby with me… I just wanted him to be there in the morning. Stinky breath and all. But we needed to have a deep conversation. We had to get it all out if we were ever going to move past this. 

  
________________

**1980, Chicago, Illinois**

  
_**“God you are beautiful in the morning.” Billy tucked some hair behind Daisy’s ear, and he smiled as a shudder escaped her.** _

_**Daisy smiled as she pulled her knees up to her chest.** _

_**“You’re not so bad yourself, Dunne.”** _

_**Billy chuckled.** _

_**“Do you… would you… can you take a shower with me?” Billy gave her a pleading look as he bit his lip.** _

_**Daisy pulled her knees in tighter and shook her head slowly.** _

_**“We need to talk, Billy. We can’t just shove all of this under the rug and have shower sex. Not anymore. We have a little one in here that’s counting on us, and three more little ones down the hall that are too. We have a lot of stuff we need to work out… and we need to do it now.”** _

_**Billy’s heart dropped and his stomach began to turn as he nodded slowly.** _

_**“I know. Do you want to start?” His eyes were glassy and sad, but he wasn’t crying.** _

_**Daisy nodded.** _

_**“First of all, I need total honesty here, Billy. It’s the only way we’re going to be able to move forward. I promise I’ll be honest too. No matter how ugly it gets. Ok?”** _

_**Billy nodded as his body began to tremble; nervousness hitting him like the cold winter air in Pittsburgh.** _

_**“Ok. So, Jo Malone. Did you sleep with her?” Daisy’s heart was beating out of her chest.** _

_**Billy shook his head quickly.** _

_**“No, I didn’t. I promise.”** _

_**“Did you do anything else with her?” Daisy already knew the answer, but she was testing his honesty meter.** _

_**Billy looked down at the sheet, absentmindedly doodling on it with his finger.** _

_**He nodded.** _

_**“Blow job?” Daisy spoke bluntly.** _

_**Billy’s face got red as he continued to nod.** _

_**Daisy cleared her throat.** _

_**“Ok. Thanks for being honest about it. Now, next question. Would you have slept with her if you hadn’t seen Julia’s ribbons?” Daisy felt flushed.** _

_**Billy looked up at her with desperate eyes.** _

_**  
“I don’t know. That’s the truth. I would love to be able to just say no, but I don’t know what might have happened. And I’m sorry for that.”** _

_**Daisy swallowed hard as she looked down at her knees.** _

_**“Ok. That’s fair.” She straightened her legs out and said, “Is there anything you would like to ask me?”** _

_**Billy nodded.** _

_**“Do you hate me?”** _

_**  
Daisy was taken back by his bluntness.** _

_**  
“No. I don’t think it’s possible for me to hate you.”** _

_**Billy felt a tear falling down his cheek slowly.** _

_**“You told me you did in the RV that day…” His voice was weak and broke on his last word.** _

_**Daisy’s heart sunk. She had, and she hadn’t even thought about that.** _

_**She moved closer to him and put a hand on his knee.** _

_**“I’m so sorry. That was a seriously shitty thing to do. I didn’t mean it. I just… I felt like… well, I guess it leads me to my next question. Do you regret me and this baby? I mean, I tell you you’re going to be a father again and your response was “fuck”."** _

_**Billy winced.** _

_**“Of course not, Baby. I love you. My God I love you so much it hurts. I don’t know why I said that. I just know that… when you told me…” He pinched his eyes closed as he thought back.** _

_**“…when you told me, all I could picture was you in the corner of our shower, cramping and bleeding and then…” His voice broke as the tears got caught in his throat. “…then Bear’s little body. Holding him. Burying him… all of it. Then you… I have never seen you that broken, Dais. Like, I didn’t know if you would be able to overcome that loss. It seriously scared me. I lost my son, and I was quickly losing you…and… I couldn’t handle it.”** _

_**Tears were streaming down Daisy’s face, and she leaned over to rest her head on Billy’s shoulder.** _

_**“...And then I pushed you away.” Her voice was small and hoarse.** _

_**“We have both really messed up here, Jones. But I don’t want to anymore. I want you. I want us. I want this baby and I want to be able to be excited about it. I also want to sleep next to you and…love you. All of you. I don’t want Jo Malone, I want YOU. And whatever comes with this baby… even if we… even if it doesn’t… look, I just want us to be a team. Forever. I don’t want to walk through this life without you, and when we go through hell, I want us to walk through it hand in hand, together. I don’t want to fuck anything else up, but I’m me, and I probably will. But I need you next to me, pulling me out of the pit when I fall. Is that something you can sign up for?”** _

_**Daisy thought about it for a minute, biting the inside of her cheek.** _

_**“Yes. As long as you won’t ever leave no matter how much I push you away. And I probably will again because… I’m me too. We’re a mess, Billy Dunne. But I want us to be a mess together. I love you. You are, and have always been, my dream guy. I would be a fool to walk away now.”** _

_**Billy smiled softly and kissed her lips tenderly.** _

_**“Well good, because you are my dream come true too, Daisy Jones. You are my biggest inspiration and the woman I adore more than anything. I promise to do better. At least… I’ll try my darndest.”** _

_**Daisy burst out laughing.** _

_**“Me too.” She took his hand and kissed it.** _

_**“Can we talk about baby stuff like we will make it through this one this time?” Her voice dropped as she drew circles on his palm.** _

_**Billy kissed the top of her head, holding his lips there as he whispered, “Yeah…yeah I would like that.”** _

_**Daisy sat up and smiled.** _

_**“And can we get Jo Malone off of this fucking tour? Because I swear, I will hit a bitch if she comes near my family again.”** _

_**Now it was Billy who let out a big burst of laughter.** _

_**“I think Rod is already on that. He told me Runner had pulled them last night after he made a call.”** _

_**Daisy leaned against him.** _

_**“Good. I hated her.”** _

_**Billy smiled into her.** _

_**“I know. Me too."** _

________________

 **Daisy** : That talk was so needed. It felt like we had taken a much needed shower in our souls. We got everything out there and it really felt like we could breathe again. But of course, it was us, so nothing could actually be ok all at once. 

  
**Billy** : When we walked out of the room, chaos was all around us. Paramedics were running up and down the hallway and Camila and Graham’s room door was cracked. I panicked. Daisy and I pushed the door open, and slowly entered. I heard you girls laughing, so I sighed in relief that you all were obviously ok, but I heard some shrieking coming from the bathroom. Daisy stayed with you girls while I moved to the bathroom and slowly opened the door. Graham was in a fetal position, head on the cold floor, rocking, and Camila was rubbing his back, trying to calm him down. I fell down next to him and tried to get him to look at me, but his body was so tight. He couldn’t even hear me.

  
 **Camila** : I was terrified. I had never seen him like that before. Billy went into protector mode and he was so good with Graham in that moment. He was the only one who could even start to get through to him. I didn’t know what happened. I had found Graham like that and I didn’t know what brought it on. He wasn’t talking to me, but he looked like he had seen a ghost. Billy was busy with Graham when Daisy came to the doorway and made eye contact with me. She nodded that she needed to talk to me, and I snuck out. Her face was white, and she was shaking. We went into the little kitchen we had in our suite, and she looked behind me to make sure the girls were busy. She dropped her voice and then dropped the bomb.

  
 **Daisy** : You were on my lap when Rod came rushing into the room. He pulled me aside, his face was flushed, and he was wringing his hands. He didn’t know how to say what he needed to say tactfully, so he just spit it out. 

_________________

**1980**

  
_**“Rod, what’s wrong?”** _

_**Rod’s face was white, and Daisy grabbed his hands, desperately trying to calm his shakiness.** _

_**“Have you been back to your room?” He couldn’t look at her.** _

_**Daisy’s heart was racing.** _

_**“No, not since I came to your room.”** _

_**Rod nodded.** _

_**“Good. God, Daisy. I don’t know how to say this. But… Jo Malone is dead. She… she got the call from Runner about The Crossfire being pulled from the tour, and I guess… she blamed herself? I don’t know. But that mixed with Billy’s rejection…” He let out a deep breath as he tried to take another one.** _

_**“She… I guess… she wanted to find Billy. She was high and… she wasn’t stable Daisy. But she…she broke into your room around six this morning and… she shot up some heroin and then slit her wrists. In your bed. Graham found her.”** _

_**Daisy threw up right there on the floor.** _

_**Rod held her tight, their bodies shaking together, until Rod broke away and said he had to go talk to the paramedics and publicists and work this shit storm out.** _

_**That’s when Daisy pulled Camila away from Graham and Billy.** _

_________________

 **Camila** : I couldn’t believe it. None of us liked Jo, but we all understood her kind. The damaged, broken musician. We all spoke that fluently. But we never expected this. 

  
**Daisy** : I was so sick. I somehow felt… guilty. Like this was my fault. I know that was stupid and there is zero logic to it, but… it hit me hard. I never slit my wrists, but I had overdosed because of Billy Dunne’s rejection before. And in that minute, I wished I could take everything back and just… hug her.

  
 **Billy** : It shook all of us up. That was also the last thing Graham needed to see. That broke something deep inside of him. It was going to be bigger than all of us to try and fix.  
  
  
 **Graham** : There was so much blood.

  
 **Julia/Narrator** : _On July 20th, 1980, Jo Malone, lead singer of the band The Crossfire, took her own life in a room at The Palmer House Hotel in Chicago Illinois. She was only 24 years old. The band quickly disassembled, leaving their debut album unreleased and shelved, deep in the archives at Runner Records._


	43. Chapter 43

_**1980** _

  
_**Rush Medical Center, Chicago, Illinois.** _

  
  
_**Graham had been under heavy sedation for 24 hours and Billy hadn’t left his side. Camila was in almost as frequently, often with Daisy, when they weren’t taking the girls around downtown trying to make the most of an awful situation.**_  
  
 _ **“You ever get tired of sitting by hospital beds?” Graham asked as he slowly came to.**_  
  
 _ **Billy leaned forward, looking him over and smiling.**_  
  
 _ **“If you have to be here, I have to be here. That’s how this brother thing works.” Billy held his hand and Graham took it, crying openly immediately.**_  
  
 _ **“I’m scared...” He cried and Billy just whispered that it was ok.**_  
  
 _ **“Did you see her?” Graham managed to ask weakly through his upset. Billy twisted his head to the side and then let it hang down.**_  
  
 _ **“No.” He hadn’t been able to bring himself to go back to the room. Daisy hadn’t either.**_  
  
 _ **“I don’t know why it got to me. I just think...I thought...is this who we are? Is this what this is now? Is this the life we want for ourselves? Each other? Our women? Our kids? I saw my whole future in that bed, man. Could have been you. Or me...Daisy. What are we doing?”**_  
  
 _ **Graham was rambling and crying and Billy leaned back and pinched the bridge of his nose.**_  
  
 _ **“I know. I know.”**_  
  
 _ **Camila slipped into the room, relieved to see Graham awake.**_  
  
 _ **“Oh my God, baby, I’m here.” She moved to the other side of the bed and Billy immediately stood to give them space. Graham didn’t let go of his hand. So he sat back down.**_  
  
 _ **“Are you feeling ok? Do you need anything?”**_  
  
 _ **Graham inhaled deeply. He looked back and forth between them.**_  
  
 _ **“I’m sorry...” he managed through tears and Billy had to wipe his back, closing his hand over his eyes briefly.**_  
  
 _ **“You’re not sorry. This is who we are Graham. A family. It’s just your turn to do the needing right now. And we are here for you. Whatever it takes.” Camila squeezed his hand hard. A nurse came in and asked to talk to Billy, so he followed her into the hall...leaving Graham and Camila.**_  
  
 _ **“Mr. Dunne...our psychiatrist on call last night believes your brother had a nervous breakdown. This is not uncommon. And very treatable. But we would like to get him into some intensive therapy which may be difficult with your current schedule. We understand. They are prescribing him lithium, the doctor will talk to you about this when he gets done with rounds this morning, but as his sole relative...these decisions will be up to you until his doctor signs off that he is of sound mind.”**_  
  
 _ **Billy nodded along dutifully and was joined by Camila as the nurse finished. She walked off, touching them both gently and reassuringly, and leaving them alone. Camila strung her arm through his and they started walking.**_  
  
 _ **“He’s asleep.” She assured him.**_  
  
 _ **“I made a big fucking mess here, Camila. What do I do?” He asked her, leaning on her in a way that felt like old times.**_  
  
 _ **“Well it is a big fucking mess. But you didn’t make it. Look. Daisy told me about Jo. Anything you want to tell me? Or did Daisy get it right? It’ll stay right here, between us, I swear on the girls. But if you are carrying something around, Billy, you need to let it go right now.” Camila’s voice was low.**_  
  
 _ **“I told her the truth. She came into the green room. She started...I stopped...that was it. I shouldn’t have left...”**_  
  
 _ **“Stop. Don’t with the should haves. You should have what? Fucked her to keep her alive? You need to stop this. Look, you did the right thing. You put Daisy and your baby first. That’s who you are. You need to be that person for the people you love. Not people like her. I’m sad that this happened to her but her demons were hers. You are maxed out on demons, Billy. There is a man in that room who is never going to stop looking up to you and loving you and needing you and you need to start showing him what this world can look like when it works...because right now he is wrapped up in what it can look like when it doesn't. And he can't...” She started to fall apart as she finished and he pulled her into his chest.**_  
  
 _ **“Billy, please. I don’t know how to help him.” She cried gently into his chest as he stroked her hair.**_  
  
 _ **“I don’t either.” He was full of anguish and she looked up to him. She wiped her face on her sleeves.**_  
  
 _ **“Yes you do. You always have. I saw that last night. No one...not me, not Rod, not the doctors...no one could get to him and you did. Look you never had your dad and I hate that so much for you. But Graham did. Graham had you. Be the person the girls think you are, because he may not show it all the time...but he adores you, too. You didn’t do this to him, ok? No one did. He’s sick.”**_  
  
 _ **Billy led her down the hall as he explained what the nurse had told him.**_  
  
 _ **“So I’m his power of attorney. The only family he has right? I just wonder if...maybe that person should be you now.” Billy’s voice was calm and hushed as he glanced at the ring on Camila’s hand as it rest on his arm. She looked up at him.**_  
  
 _ **“Billy...”**_  
  
 _ **“I mean I don’t know when you were thinking of making it official. But, we can talk to them and see what we’d have to do to transfer that. If that’s what you want.”**_  
  
 _ **“He trusts you. I don’t know that's what he would want.” Camila felt herself uneasy with that decision and she couldn’t put a finger on why.**_  
  
 _ **“Graham needs to feel like he’s taking care of you. He said a lot last night. I just...I don’t want him to feel like he’s just my little brother you know? I mean he is. But you know what I mean. I think...I think I need to do this for him.”**_  
  
 _ **Camila wiped her face and nodded again.**_  
  
 _ **“You’ll help me? If I can’t help him?” She was crying softly again and Billy pulled her back into him. He held her there for a long while before she spoke into his chest.**_  
  
 _ **“What about you and Daisy? Do you think...will you marry her? With the baby?” She felt his heart rate change under her and stood back slightly. He smiled and swallowed.**_  
  
 _ **“I asked her.” Camila’s face lit up at his words.**_  
  
 _ **“Billy!” She pushed his chest excitedly, “you didn’t tell me!!”**_  
  
 _ **Billy ran his hand through his hair and made himself look at her.**_  
  
 _ **“She said no. Not much to tell.”**_  
  
 _ **Camila felt her heart physically sink deeper into her already heavy chest.**_  
  
 _ **“Billy....”**_  
  
 _ **She whispered and he interrupted her.**_  
  
 _ **“Don’t. Don’t feel sorry for me. It’s just the way it is.”**_  
  
 _ **A nurse appeared back in the hallway and motioned for him to come down the hall.**_  
  
 _ **“Your brother’s doctor is back and would like to see you. Whenever you’re ready.”**_  
  
 _ **They both nodded.**_  
  
 _ **“Can I ask you something? And I want you to be honest....” Billy held her hand as he asked, and she slowly looked up at him.**_  
  
 _ **“Do you...ever feel like maybe you married the wrong brother?” His voice was raspy and tired. It broke her heart and she furrowed her brow as she took his face in her hands.**_  
  
 _ **“I have never EVER felt like that. I married the right brother at the right time and our girls?! Billy Dunne, don’t ever think that again.”**_  
  
 _ **He nodded yes, his head still in her hands.**_  
  
 _ **“One more thing....” he gulped and closed his eyes to it, but she just leaned in and caught his gaze again.**_  
  
 _ **“Did I...ever make you happy?” Camila let his words swirl in her head, knowing whatever had been said between the two of them the night before was sticking with him. She tightened her hands on his face.**_  
  
 _ **“You still do. You made me happy more often than you made me sad.....” she smiled at him and he returned it, “stop doubting yourself. It’s not a good look on you. Now let’s go see what we can do to help Graham.”**_  
  
 _ **She took his hand and they walked back to the hospital room.**_  
 _ **___________________________**_  
  
 **Billy** : Graham had a nervous breakdown after that Chicago show. Not to mention everything that happened with The Crossfire. I just really felt like Chicago was cursed for us. We rescheduled two shows and then luckily had a week off so it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. Really all I cared about was getting Graham better. And I knew he needed the break. But I also knew he would be kicking himself if he felt like we were losing shows on his behalf.  
  
 **Graham** : Billy was really great during an otherwise shitty time. Really the first time I can say that unequivocally. He did lots of press, never mentioned anything going on with me, handled the situation with Runner and The Crossfire, even set up a trust for Jo Malone’s family. But the best thing he did was get Dr. Shelton on the road with us.  
  
 _ **(Author’s Note: Danielle Shelton, MD, declined to be interviewed for this book citing confidentiality. However she has remained a close friend, mentor and doctor to nearly everyone mentioned in the story of The Six. Including it’s author. This memoir came about following her suggestion it be written.)**_  
  
 **Camila** : The Six may very well have been the first rock band to travel with a mental health professional. We were very cutting edge!  
  
 **Billy** : Danielle was on tour for large chunks of it, and she was based out of Los Angeles so she had a practice there. The first few months she worked a lot with all of us, but really got Graham onto some medications that helped him control his lows. It changed things about him I didn’t realize needed to be changed...until they were.  
  
 **Karen** : I would never have thought that I needed to talk to someone. I didn’t realize how much Jo Malone’s death was sitting in me. I felt guilty not seeing how troubled she was. But more than that I saw in her the way that my life could go if I wasn’t careful. It was a wake up call for all of us. It was great to have someone who got that. She was a doctor. But she got rock and roll.  
  
 **Eddie** : How do you think I felt about it? She was a leggy blonde with a super great ass. I didn’t mind having her around. But I didn’t need my head shrunk. I was ok being a complete mess. End of story.  
  
 **Daisy** : It was nice to have a few weeks off. I was tired. Running on fumes. We had to get out of Chicago, that was for sure, so once Graham was discharged we all headed south. The tour was going to pick back up in Austin, Texas so that’s where we landed.  
  
 **Graham** : I started taking lithium and it gave me the shakes. I couldn’t play guitar like I wanted to. So it was a guessing game for awhile. I also had zero sex drive and that wasn’t working for me either.  
  
 **Camila** : Once Graham found what worked for him, I mean really worked, it was like he was this person I didn’t really even know before. And I fell more and more in love with him every day.  
  
 **Graham** : Jo Malone really messed with my head. I started to feel like...you never know what’s about to happen. I thought a lot about Teddy in those days. One night, in Austin, I turned to your mom...we were sitting outside the bus just watching you girls run around...and I told her I wanted to get married.  
  
 **Camila** : [She smiles] I told him I already knew that and flashed him my ring. I didn’t know he meant he wanted to get married THAT DAY.  
  
 **Graham** : I wanted Billy to be my best man. I mean, hell, he was my big brother right? Any time I thought about getting married he was right there with me. But...this felt different. I didn’t know that that would have been the right move for anyone.  
  
 **Billy** : I was glad I didn’t know it was happening.  
  
 **Camila** : We didn’t need a big wedding. Your dad and I got married on a porch. I didn’t ever need more than that. Graham found this beautiful Mexican chapel and we were married there. It was perfect.  
  
 **Rod** : It was me and the two of them and a bunch of people that didn’t speak a word of English.  
  
 **Karen** : Camila told me about the wedding. I helped her get dressed and kept the girls. I know she wanted them there...but it was complicated. So it was easier if none of us went.  
  
 **Julia** : How did you feel about Graham settling down?  
  
 **Karen** : He had been through the ringer. I was a part of that. I was glad to see him happy. But yeah, there was a little part of me that thought...it was like the alternate version of my life wasn’t a possibility anymore.  
  
 **Daisy** : Karen told me after they were already gone. I was probably the only one that was just plain happy. It wasn’t complicated for me like it was for everyone else. And I knew we had to do something. I was trying to read Billy a little you know? Just to see how it was sitting with him. He was so busy with you girls and I knew it was just to keep his mind off of things. I found him in the bus making cards and signs with you for your mom and Graham. We dressed you all up and ordered some catering. It was a really a great night.  
  
 **Warren** : Lisa and I ran to this great little authentic place not far from where we were all camping out. We brought so much food back. We filled these two giant picnic tables. All I could think is...there is gonna be some serious damage being done in these bus bathrooms later.  
  
 **Daisy** : We all dressed up. I made you girls these little grass crowns. Your dad and Eddie played some music on the guitar. We had this little reception for them.  
  
 **Camila** : It was an amazing surprise. Another one of those moments I felt like...God, this magic is worth all the mess. It was perfect. I knew it was all Daisy. I just sat and watched you girls dancing and singing....this big family. I wouldn’t change anything that happened in our lives if it meant I couldn’t have had that night the way it was. Exactly the way it was.  
  
 **Graham** : At one point Billy pulled me aside. It made me nervous, I’m not gonna lie. Could have gone a lot of ways. He put his hand on my shoulder and....[He pauses]...he told me he loved me. You know, I was 31 years old and I don’t know that he had ever said that to me.  
  
 **Billy** : I expected it to be harder. To feel stranger. It felt right. I felt like Camila and I had made our peace when Graham was in the hospital, and I felt like Graham and I found it that night. I told him I loved him. [He smiles] He asked me if I meant it. I told him “fuck yes I mean it.” And he hugged me. Told me he loved me. It felt good. It felt really good.  
  
 **Julia** : Did you feel like you had that peace with Daisy yet?  
  
 **Billy** : We we’re getting there...  
  
 **Julia/Narrator:** In July of 1980, The Six took a two week hiatus from the Circles tour, and while the public reason was the death of The Crossfire lead singer, Jo Malone, the real reason was the mental health of rhythm guitarist Graham Dunne. Rod had given the band members the 14 days to regroup, but Graham, Billy, Camila, Daisy and the girls had all decided to stay together and head to Austin, where the busses would camp at a park facility nearby the Erwin Center...the site of their next show. But much to their manager’s surprise, Karen Sirko, Warren Rhodes and girlfriend Lisa Crowne, and even lead guitarist Eddie Loving all decided to stay together as a band, in a show of unity that started to transform The Six back into a more cohesive unit. This makeshift campsite was the scene of Graham and Camila Dunne’s makeshift wedding reception.  
  
 _ **____________________________**_  
 _ **1980**_  
  
 _ **The Austin sky was pink with an almost miraculous looking sunset. Eddie Loving was picking through some chords while Billy played along. Julia, Susana and Maria danced around a bonfire Warren had made. The lingering offerings of the Mexican buffet that had covered two picnic tables wafted into the air. Camila and Graham alternated between sitting on the grass and enjoying the music, dancing with the girls, and just basking in the glow of being newly married.**_  
  
 _ **Daisy moved behind Billy as he played, her hands linking around his waist as he strummed his six string. He turned slightly to look down at her.**_  
  
 _ **“You ok?” she asked quietly, trying to gently acknowledge the elephant in the room. He smiled at her.**_  
  
 _ **“You know, I think I am. How are you feeling?” She smiled but shrugged gently before kissing his shoulder and walking away. He watched her as he continued to play. She sat on a bench across the fire from him and just watched as the flames danced over Billy and Eddie. They played Blue Bayou and Karen sang. Graham lifted Julia into the air to dance and Camila sat by Daisy. The two women linked hands.**_  
  
 _ **“Thank you. For this. It’s...it's just what I wanted.”**_  
  
 _ **Daisy squeezed her hand as she spoke.**_  
  
 _ **“You deserve every bit of this.” Daisy whispered.**_  
  
 _ **“So do you...” Camila responded, turning today her. “Why’d you say no?”**_  
  
 _ **Daisy sighed, wondering how she even knew he had asked. She studied Camila’s face and then looked over at Billy.**_  
  
 _ **“I wanted him to want to marry me. I think he felt like he had to. I don’t need that. Really I don’t know that I need any of it....” Daisy felt an air of wistfulness in her voice as she said words out loud that she had only thought before.**_  
  
 _ **“What if I told you I was pretty sure he did want to....” Camila grinned as she spoke and played at a tendril of Daisy’s hair on her cheek as the breeze blew it.**_  
  
 _ **“He threw the ring into the ocean.” Daisy said and they both chuckled.**_  
  
 _ **“How very Billy Dunne of him.” Camila spoke through her laughter.**_  
  
 _ **“Daisy Jones.....” Camila whispered and they turned into each other, forehead’s touching, “I taught Billy how to be a father. You get to teach him how to be a husband.”**_  
  
 _ **Camila kissed her forehead and suddenly the moment was shook by the young voice of Julia Dunne booming through her pink microphone:**_  
  
 _ **“On Bluuuuuuuuuuuuuuue bayyyyyyyyyyyyyyouuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!”**_  
  
 _ **Everyone laughed and applauded. Billy passed his guitar to Graham as he spun Julia in the air and kissed her. He caught Daisy’s eye just before she turned and walked off into the surrounding desert. He sat Julia down with the twins, kissing them each before lifting Susana into his arms and dancing with her as Graham played Here, There, And Everywhere. Billy sang it to her as she pressed into his shoulder but his eyes were on Daisy, making her way to some large rocks not far from their busses. He eased Susana down into Camila’s arms and they shared a look as he headed into the sunset after Daisy. **_  
  
_**The ground was a strange combination of grass and dirt and sand and she was playing with it in her toes as her hand rested on her belly lazily. She was laying back on a big rock there and it’s heat was permeating her long blue dress. Billy picked a long piece of grass and stuck it in his teeth as he headed towards her.**_  
  
 _ **“Mind if I sit down?” he asked politely, smirking a little. His feet were also bare and he pulled them up onto the boulder beside her, chewing on a blade of prairie grass.**_  
  
 _ **“Texas suits you. Although I find it ironic that we are in Texas and you finally give up on the denim button down.” She blushed as she gestured to his white linen shirt. He gently shoved his weight into her.**_  
  
 _ **“Don’t get excited I just need to have some laundry done.” He took her hand on the hot rock and they watched the sun setting into the uninterrupted horizon.**_  
  
 _ **“This was pretty great. That was...really special of you to do that for them.” Billy spoke gently to her, still trying to make his way through small talk.**_  
  
 _ **“I think it was special for everyone. They’re so happy.” She smiled as she turned to him.**_  
  
 _ **“They are....” his voice trailed off slightly, “are you happy?”**_  
  
 _ **She looked up at him.**_  
  
 _ **“Billy...why did you want to marry me?” She chose her words carefully. He was confused by her answering his question with a seemingly unrelated one.**_  
  
 _ **“Because....I want to make you happy. I want to spend the rest of my life trying to make you happy.”**_  
  
 _ **“You don’t have to marry me to do that.”**_

_**He was trying to process her words even as she spoke them. She slid down off the boulder until she could turn to face him, his knees still tucked up between them. She pulled the grass from his teeth and pushed his knees apart to close in on him.** _   
  
_**“So you don’t wanna marry me then?” He arched an eyebrow and hoped his face didn’t show his disappointment.** _   
  
_**“I didn’t say that. I said I don’t NEED to marry you.” She crawled up the flat surface of the boulder until she was on his lap. He laced his arms around her lower back, his hands grazed her stomach and she let herself giggle under his touch.** _   
  
_**“Jesus, woman what did you eat?” He teased her and she pushed him until he laid back against the warm stone. She pressed her hands on his and into the tender flesh of her belly.** _   
  
_**“That’s your baby in there, Billy Dunne.” She leaned against him and he moaned as he ran his thumbs cover her skin.** _   
  
_**“Yeah...it is, isn’t it?” He pulled her back into the rock with him. They both looked in the direction of the busses and could just make out the fire. Billy bit his lip.** _   
  
_**“Think you can stay quiet?” He whispered to her gutturally. She was already twisting her dress into her fingers until it was up around her stomach. Billy reached between them and undid his pants. She reached down and helped him.** _   
  
_**“That sounds like a challenge.”** _   
  
_**Daisy had her eyes still on the fire, watching the figures in the distance dancing. She could just barely hear the guitar. She winced as he penetrated her softly with no warning. He looked up at her face as it happened and reveled in the look of her trying desperately not to make noise as her mouth hung open and her eyes rolled back. She grabbed fistfuls of his shirt.** _   
  
_**“That’s right baby.....” he whispered as she immediately started instinctively riding him. Her hips moved in soft, gentle circles so that the rest of her body barely moved. She managed to look down at him and undid a few buttons on his shirt before running her hands inside of it.** _   
  
_**He pushed into her gently, hardly moving at all. Her body shuddered in the night breeze.** _   
  
_**“I won’t last long...I’m sorry....” he purred at her trying to stay quiet, biting his lip.** _   
  
_**“I don’t want you to.” She leaned closer to him, her hair framing his face.** _   
  
_**“You make me happy, Billy Dunne.”** _   
  
_**“You make me happy, Daisy Jones.”** _   
  
_**Billy came gently inside of her as they held each other tight and and fought not to make noise. He reached between them and played at her clit but she pulled his hand back.** _   
  
_**“I’ll scream” she sneered at him as she fell onto him. He relaxed inside of her but didn’t move. He put his hand back between them.** _   
  
_**“Bite my neck of you have to.”** _   
  
_**He pulled on her sensitive skin and she buried her head in his neck and moaned as he fingered her to an intense orgasm that pulled him deeper into her. She shivered and shook as he held her.** _

_**He rested his head back upside down to make sure no one was noticing them. She fell, exhausted into his chest. They lay together catching their respective breath.** _   
  
_**After a few minutes, she propped up and stared at him.** _   
  
_**“No ring...and nobody in any church...would make me feel more connected to you than I feel when you do that to me.” She leaned over him and kissed the top of his nose as he redid his pants and slid them down off the rock.** _

_**"I love you." He whispered into her hair.** _

_**"That's all I need..." She replied.** _   
_**____________________________** _

**Camila** : Please leave out the fact that your dad had sex at my wedding reception.

**Graham** : I saw him slink off after Daisy and I thought...there he is, that's my brother right there. I just made sure to keep you girls occupied. [He laughs]

**Warren** : What? Seriously? How did I miss this?

**Karen** : You know, Billy is like a brother to me. But I'm only human. I tried not to pay attention but...I mean...right there in the middle of the damn desert? That's rock and roll. I would have done it if they hadn't first. Weddings are about celebrating love, right?

**Eddie** : Oh fuck yes, I watched the whole thing. Lots of times in my life I wondered what it would be like to be Billy Dunne. That might top the list.


	44. Chapter 44

**Billy** : We were all flying pretty high after Graham and Camila’s reception. It solidified something in Graham too, that along with his medication, made him a much less insecure person. He had a lot more confidence once Camila had his last name.

  
 **Julia** : Dad… she already had his last name.

  
 **Billy** : You know what I mean. [laughs] 

  
**Daisy** : We were all anxious to get back on the road. We were feeling pretty good about where Graham was at, and come hell or high water, we wanted to finish one tour in its entirety. Our next stop was Madison Square Garden in New York, and Rod told us that Runner was pressuring him to add another opening act in place of The Crossfire. He had managed to hold them off, letting us get our footing again after Jo Malone and Graham. But he was losing leverage. 

  
**Billy** : I told him that we didn’t care who they added, as long as it was a bunch of dudes because we really didn’t need anymore drama right now. Runner was cool with that, and that’s when we were joined by DiVided. A totally badass rock group that had a cool feel, almost like a combination of the Stones and Styx. They were all really cool guys who met at UC Berkeley, and started their band there. But their lead singer, Jake Gregory… man he had a voice that shot ice in your veins and made your hair stand up on end. It was that good. He pulled everyone in when he sang, and when they would play a ballad, you could hear a pin drop in a sold-out stadium just because everyone was hanging on every word. He was electric. We really hit it off, man, and quickly.

  
 **Camila** : Oh, we all loved Jake. The coolest thing about him was that he had a little girl. [she smiles] He was a single dad who had a little girl just a year younger than you, and it was the coolest thing watching your face light up when you saw another little girl in this small world of ours. I don’t think we realized just how much you needed that back then. You were spending all of your time around all of us adults, and you were six. That automatically aged you mentally and emotionally, but we tried to keep you as young and as carefree as possible. Jessica coming along really helped that. You two were inseparable. 

  
**Karen** : It was really sad. Jake’s fiancée had died giving birth to Jessica, so there he was, a young guy trying to make it with his band, all while losing his fiancée and trying to figure out how to raise his baby girl. He was a great dad though. And Jessica adored him. Reminded me of someone else we knew. [winks at Julia]

  
  
 **Eddie** : He was a cool guy. Thank god for his daughter though or else Karen would have been all over that. 

  
  
**Warren** : He really understood music, man. And family. He was a great addition to the tour. He was obviously closest to Billy, but it was cool because DiVided was made up of a lot of really cool dudes, and there was kind of a friend for everybody. I really clicked with their drummer, Ace Martinez. He really helped me step up my showmanship game. And your mom loved having someone else around to speak Spanish with.

  
  
 **Camila** : Ace definitely became like a little brother to me. He reminded me a lot of your Tio Ronny, so yeah, he was great. 

  
  
**Daisy** : They really changed the whole dynamic of our tour for the better. Because of Jessica, Jake wanted to keep their environment clean too, so the rest of the DiVided guys had kind of made the same deal that Warren, Eddie and Karen had made with us; do what you want after a show, but keep it away from us. It worked. 

  
**Graham** : We all quickly became a family, but god, Jake was like another brother to Billy and me. We would stay up late after shows and just talk about… life. He told us a lot about Jennifer, his fiancée he had lost, and we would talk about what it was like to be dads on the road. He had never dealt with addictions personally before, but his uncle had been an addict and landed himself in prison, so he understood the struggle and severity. We really could talk about anything. He was the least judgmental person I had ever met in my life, and he was one of those people who you just opened up to easily. I told him all about my anxiety and my meds, and Billy told him the whole story with your mom and Daisy. He didn’t even flinch. He just congratulated all of us on figuring our shit out. We told him we still weren’t sure we had!

  
  
 **Camila** : We were getting to the end of August, with September quickly approaching, so the topic of you going to school came up. You were going into the first grade, and the Six were about to embark on their European leg of the tour in early October through December. It was a hard discussion because we had initially thought that I would take you girls back to LA and do the stay at home mom thing, but… we just didn’t want to break up the family. We had wanted to put you in school so that you could meet other little girls your own age, but then…Jessica came along, and Jake found himself in the same boat. It was incredible how the universe threw us all together. We hired a former first grade teacher to hit the road with us and she taught both of you girls and the twins, who would have been starting preschool by then. 

  
**  
Daisy** : We had all found our groove. We were mingling and mixing on all of our respective busses, sometimes the guys would all stay on one to have bro time and talk about life, sometimes Camila and you girls would come stay on the RV, sometimes Jessica would stay over for a sleepover with you… it was one big family. But when we headed to Europe, I could only think about seeing one person when we got to London.

  
 **Simone** : She was GLOWING when she got off of that plane. I had missed Daisy and… well all of you really, so much that it kept me up at night. I hadn’t seen any of you since everything was going down with both Daisy and Camila, and when I hugged everyone, it was like they were new people. I was so happy to see Billy and Daisy more in love than ever, finally, and Camila looked…free. Marriage looked good on her, and the way Graham was walking with his arms around her shoulders, kissing her head every two seconds… I could tell that marriage suited him too. And you girls… my goodness you had grown so much! You remembered me right away, and you ran right into my arms. That warmed my heart so much.

  
 **Rod** : It was like coming up for air after almost drowning, seeing Simone. She’s just such a beautiful human who is always there for the people she loves, and I was honored to be one of those people. She had helped me through so much. Like when Chris left me, and she moved in for a little while… she healed my soul. I had just started seeing Frank when we got to London, and I couldn’t wait to tell her all about him. 

  
**Simone** : They were followed by a group of guys who just had this cool factor, you know? DiVided… they just cared about the music. I mean, it was still rock and roll, so of course some of the guys liked to get drunk or high, but it was never at a scary level and they were all really focused on putting in the work and becoming something. But when I saw Jake Gregory… [fans herself] whew girl… my heart stopped. He was gorgeous. With these big brown doe eyes and this light brown hair… he was the epitome of tall dark and handsome, and the icing on the cake? This hot rock and roller had a little five year old girl on his hip. I mean… melt me into a puddle right there.

  
 **Daisy** : [smiles] There were so many sparks flying in that airport, that I’m surprised it was still standing.  
  
  
 **Graham** : All of the oxygen was sucked out of a room when those two were next to each other. Have you ever witnessed love at first sight happening right in front of you? Because that’s what it was.

  
 **Simone** : I’m so glad that everyone got into town three days before their first show, you know, to acclimate and adjust to the time change, because I knew I needed to have girl time with Daisy. That was a given. But… I wanted to get to know this handsome new stranger a little bit too.

  
 **Daisy** : Billy was great. He knew I needed girl time with Simone, and he told me to go have fun. He would be with Graham and Jake. I could have sworn I heard Simone whimper a little bit when Jake’s name was mentioned. [laughs]

_________________________

**October 1980, London, England**

  
_**“Girl… you look so good. Love looks good on you. So does this baby! How are you feeling?” Simone took a drink of her coffee as she watched Daisy inhaling her second sandwich and basket of fries. They had snuck away for some catch up girl time, and Daisy was starving.** _

_**“I’m feeling great. But this little guy sure likes to eat. I’m always hungry!” She took another bite as Simone’s mouth dropped and she covered it with her hand.** _

_**  
“You know it’s a boy?” Simone’s voice was soft as her eyes filled with tears.** _

_**Daisy finished chewing and wiped her mouth, realizing she had just let that slip.** _

_**  
“Yeah… I just found out at my Doctor’s appointment right before coming here. I haven’t told anyone yet… but yeah, it’s a boy.” Her eyes were quickly filling with her own tears now as Simone reached across the table to squeeze her arm.** _

_**“Are you good with that?”** _

_**Daisy laughed.** _

_**“Well, I don’t think there’s anything I could do about it even if I wanted to, but I wouldn’t want to. Yeah, I’m really happy it’s a boy. I really…” her tears got caught in her throat as she paused. “I really wanted Bear. I had looked forward to being a mom, and when they told me it was a boy… it just felt right. I have my girls in Julia and the twins. I want to be a boy mom. I want to go to baseball games and football games and watch him run around in the yard with Billy and Julia, getting all muddy and giving me sloppy kisses and picking flowers from the side of the road for me. I want… a little gentleman who has Billy’s eyes and my confidence.”** _

_**Simone smiled.** _

_**“Someone has been thinking a lot about this.”** _

_**Daisy chuckled through her tears.** _

_**“Yeah… I guess I have. I think I wanted a boy before I even knew he was one.”** _

_**Simone leaned back in her chair, studying Daisy.** _

_**“You know what I find so interesting? You mention football games and baseball, but you never mentioned wanting him to be able to sing or play guitar or follow in his parent’s footsteps. I mean, you guys live and breathe music. I would have thought you would want a little Billy, rocking his mini denim and shaggy hair?” She smiled, but Daisy’s face got serious.** _

_**  
“No… no, I hope he doesn’t. This life… there’s just too much… I don’t want…”** _

_**Simone nodded, understanding.** _

_**“Addictions. Temptations. I get it.”** _

_**Daisy nodded as she wiped a silent, singular tear that was sliding down her cheek.** _

_**“Yeah… pretty much. I mean, look at what just happened to Jo Malone. I couldn’t handle it if my son got caught up in all of that. And you just never know. He is coming into this world, the kid of two recovering junkies. We’re not exactly setting him up for success.”** _

_**Simone leaned forward again.** _

_**“No. He’s coming into this world with two parents who have fought like hell to get where they are. Who overcame their addictions and who learned to love fiercely. He’s going to have a dad who would do anything for him, sisters to guide him, and the world’s best mom who was meant for this. A badass superhero who will smother him with kisses and protect him from the things no one protected her from. And… he’ll have a mom who wants to bake Christmas cookies with him and take him to see Santa. That kid is seriously lucky.”** _

_**Tears were streaming down Daisy’s face now as she laughed through her tears.** _

_**“And he’ll also have Auntie Simone to keep him looking fresh, so, you’re welcome.” Simone winked at Daisy and Daisy started belly laughing.** _

_**“God I’ve missed you.” She grabbed Simone’s hand.** _

_**“Back at ya, sister.”** _

_**They held hands for a minute before Simone sat back again and cleared her throat as she wiped her eyes with her fingers.** _

_**“Now, enough of the tears. You need to tell me more about this hunky new singer that seems to be Billy’s new bff. He is dreamy as hell, girl. Hook a sister up!”** _

_**Daisy laughed as she picked up another French fry.** _

_**“Ohhh yes, Jake. He is… he is a really great guy. In a lot of ways, he is the good of both Billy and Graham, packed into one human. I will definitely see what I can do. I saw him looking at you too, girlfriend. He thinks you’re pretty stunning yourself.”** _

_**“Who me? Aw shucks.” Simone feigned humility as she pretended to brush hair off of her shoulders playfully.** _

_**Daisy laughed loudly, food accidently spilling out of her mouth.** _

_**“You are simply the best, Simone Jackson.”** _

_**“You too, Daisy Jones!”** _

_______________

 **  
Julia** : So, did you ever get some alone time with Jake?

  
 **Simone** : [blushes] Yeah, you could definitely say that. The day Daisy and I had lunch, she called me almost as soon as she got back to their hotel and told me, that Billy told her, that Jake was asking about me. We went to dinner that night and then I showed him around London. It was pretty magical. Your mom and Daisy volunteered to watch Jessica, so… he didn’t have any curfews… 

  
**Julia** : So, I’m guessing that means you took full advantage of that?

  
 **Simone** : Hey, I don’t kiss and tell. But I will just say that… he was a very sweet, gentle, caring man, and I really enjoyed my time with him those three days… and the few months after.

  
 **Graham** : The first half of our European tour went by in a blink. It was really fast paced, moving from country to country, but it was also somehow very easy. I credit Jake and DiVided for that. We were all just having fun. We were focusing on the music and enjoying our off time exploring the different cities we were playing in. You and Jessica were always together, and it was even more fun seeing this world, and these new countries, through your eyes. And the European crowds… DEAFENING. Music is a universal language, you know? And we were all speaking the same one every night. It was amazing. 

  
  
**Camila** : Daisy had told me, and only me, that she was having a boy. I was thrilled! Scared for her, but thrilled. She told me she wanted to do something special for Billy at Christmastime to tell him, and she wanted my help in figuring out what that was. We celebrated Thanksgiving in Dublin, after the Six’s show at the Olympia Theatre. Talk about a historic venue. It was breathtaking. But it’s easy to forget that other countries don’t always celebrate the things we do here in America, so we did our best to make a full-on feast with what we had at the hotel. Runner sprung for this huge, three level penthouse suite in our hotel, so we all stayed there; both the Six and DiVided, Simone, Rod, and even Frank flew in to celebrate with us. Well, he came to see Rod, but it was good to get to know him more too. 

  
**Simone** : I adore Frank. Almost more than I do Rod! Almost. [she laughs]

  
 **Daisy** : Our final show before heading home for Christmas was in Paris. Julia… that place is pure magic. I had always loved Paris, but being there with Billy, and all of the family… it felt right. I wanted to just buy a mansion and live there forever. Billy said no, of course, but later on in life we compromised, and he bought me a beautiful French Villa by the sea. It’s still one of my most favorite places to spend the summer.

  
 **Julia** : Mine too! So many great memories. It was also the most magical place to get married in. Thanks for letting us use it.

  
  
 **Daisy** : Of course! That wasn’t even a question. That was a beautiful day. 

  
**  
Billy** : France really is our second home now. I never would have thought I’d ever say that. [laughs]

  
 **Camila** : As much as we loved Europe, we were all ready to get home and relax, decompress, and eat all of the holiday things. The four of us had decided we wanted to go to Pittsburgh for Christmas, and we invited Warren, Karen and Eddie to come too, but they all had other plans. I know Warren was spending it with Lisa and her family, but I don’t know about the other two.

  
 **Eddie** : We rented a little cottage right on the ocean. It was private and we could have all of the sex we wanted, as loud as we wanted. I don’t think we put clothes on the whole time we were there. So, we ate, drank, got high, and fucked so hard, we saw Santa’s fucking reindeers flying in the sky. Best Christmas of my life. Hands down. 

  
**Karen** : That really was incredible, and I hope everyone does that at least once in their life. It can’t be beat.

  
 **Billy** : DiVided had their own individual plans for Christmas too. Except for Jake and Jessica. So it was a no brainer. They were coming home with us.

  
 **Camila** : We wouldn’t have had it any other way.

  
 **Graham** : He was our brother, of course he was coming with us.

  
 **Daisy** : You screamed in excitement when we told you that you would get to do all of the fun Christmassy things with Jessica AND your Grandma and Papa. You were the cutest.

  
 **Jessica** : I might have only been five, but that was the best Christmas of my entire childhood. [tears well up as she swallows a lump in her throat.] Who would have guessed my next Christmas would look so different? 


	45. Chapter 45

**Daisy** : I grew to love Christmas more and more the longer I was around this giant extended Six family...but that year in Pittsburgh was something special. It was nice having Jake around but he was an outsider like me. So he made me feel like less of one. And I was so pregnant. Being pregnant at Christmas is the best because you have all the reasons to just basically turn into Mrs. Clause. I gained almost forty pounds. And once I was around your grandma? I don’t think there was a minute in that house there wasn’t something to eat. I went from eating maybe one meal a day to just eating one meal all day. [She laughs] It was a good thing your dad liked curves.

**Billy** : I was nervous as hell to see your grandparents. I mean, they were pretty old fashioned. And I knew there was no world in which they would understand that Camila was coming home married to my brother and Daisy was pregnant and somehow...we were just all ok with it? I think she said a lot of rosaries on our behalves. I’ll give her this though. She welcomed all of us and never made anyone feel funny about it. Sometimes she would get into pretty heated discussions in Spanish with your mom and I’m pretty sure I can guess what they were about.

**Graham** : My Spanish was pretty rough still, and I remember being glad I couldn’t understand them.

**Jessica** : I was so used to being carted around that I didn’t know any better. We had the place in Van Nuys but really I don’t remember much of it. Staying in Pittsburgh was like living an episode of The Brady Bunch. All these great adults doting on us. My new best friend. [She smiles] And probably two of the coolest dads on the planet.

**Daisy** : Billy and Jake had this, what do you call it....

**Julia** : ...bromance...

**Daisy** : Bromance. That was it. I mean if Jake grew a beard, Billy grew a beard. If Billy liked an album, Jake picked it up. And they doted on you girls. Oh my God did they love their time with you. It was good for your dad to have someone who wasn’t in the band. Even with Graham, in those days they were like brothers and co-workers. So Jake was a great breath of fresh air for both of them.

**Billy** : We took you girls sledding. I gotta say that was probably one of the best days of my whole life. It was the most perfect winter day. It had snowed but it wasn’t so cold that you hated being outside. Your mom used to joke that it took you twice as long to get ready to go sledding as it took you to actually sled. But that day? We were out there for hours. I’m not kidding, hours. By the time we got in we sat by the fire and you girls just stripped down cause you were soaked. It was the best. 

**Camila** : I’ll tell you what, you and Jess always had so much in common but nothing more than how much you worshipped your daddies. Susana and Maria went, too, but I knew they wouldn’t last as long as your dad and Jake would. [She laughs] I hovered out there with the twins and they gave up eventually. But the four of you? The sun was already setting and you were still going strong.

**Daisy** : I was so tired by then. But I was sitting on the couch right in the window watching you. Your grandma kept me supplied with this amazing hot chocolate and I just curled up and watched. For hours. You raced, you laughed, you danced...your dad and Jake would strap you two on their backs and slide down this hill.I could hear you laughing all the way in the house. I wish I could have frozen that day and made it last forever. When you girls came in we just all honkered down around the fireplace. Your dad sat with me and I still remember thinking...his fingers were literally frozen. Like I didn’t want him to even touch me. But he was so happy. So happy.

**Simone** : I caught a red eye out of London on Christmas Eve and surprised the whole crew. I had spoken with your mom and we had a few hotel rooms lined up. I was by myself in London, and Daisy was getting close to delivering so I knew I wanted to be back stateside. Christmas Eve seemed like as good a time as any.

**Julia** : Just to help Daisy, huh?

**Simone** : There were lots of things in Pittsburgh I wanted to be around for. Some more than others. But yes. I was really missing Jake. We had stayed in touch but it wasn’t the same. 

**Daisy** : Simone was the only thing missing so when she showed up, it was perfect. We all spent Christmas Eve at your grandparents. We ate so much. You girls got matching bikes and sleds and clothes. Everything. Your dad had just gotten this video recorder and he was officially that guy: recording everyone whether you wanted him to or not. I can’t tell you how many times I had to tell him to put that damn thing away. 

**Julia** : Those tapes are some of my favorite possessions. Especially from then.

**Daisy** : Mine too, sweet girl.

**Graham** : I could have lived like that forever, which for me that’s saying something. I hated Pittsburgh. But I was missing the music, too. And I knew if I was missing it...Billy was really missing it.

**Daisy** : Rod had asked us to perform at this show at The Rainbow Room, just before Valentine’s Day. It was this sort of all-star tribute to the Stones...they were getting ready to kick off a huge tour. So of course he wanted Billy and I to play something acoustic. But I was going to be due any day and it just...didn’t feel right. So Billy, Graham and Jake worked up this incredible...and I mean incredible... cover of As Tears Go By. They all played acoustic and sang these amazing three part harmonies like nothing you’ve ever heard. They started working on it around Christmas.

**Billy** : Jake could really write, too. He had written this song about the girls. About raising them on the road. About them growing up and what it meant to be a dad. It was a song I could have written. I had only ever felt that way about Daisy. He was an incredible talent. Working with him and Graham to get ready for that Rainbow Room show. Man. Just so good.

**Daisy** : Christmas Eve it was just your dad and I. I was so pregnant then. And he just worshipped it. It was...just wonderful for me. We had been so nervous. The whole time. We never relaxed. Every time I went to the bathroom or had a strange contraction I would panic and your dad would talk me down. Although he had completely stopped having sex with me so I know he was more nervous than he let on. But by that point our doctors had pretty much said that that boy was big enough and healthy enough to come early. So we relaxed a little. I still couldn’t convince him to sleep with me though. 

**Julia** : How did he survive?? ...Don’t answer that.

**Billy** : No shit that baby was big enough to survive, Daisy looked like she was carrying a whole band in there. But God she glowed. We would lay awake at night and just watch that alien stomach of hers move. We’d sing and talk to that baby like he was right there with us. But she was tired. There was no way she would perform. And I didn’t want her to. I wanted her to just be pregnant and enjoy it. She deserved that. 

**Simone** : Jake and I had some good quality time in Pitt. Your dad and Daisy kept Jessica a lot so we could just...enjoy some time in the city. We went into New York for a weekend. He had never really been without her. Your dad had your mom, to spell him out. It was nice that Jake finally felt like he had a family to do that, too. And you girls...even then...you wouldn’t have had it any other way. When we went back to LA...I stayed with them in Van Nuys. 

**Graham** : January was a blur man. Being back in LA. Camila and I were looking for a place. You girls were getting busier every day, we were thinking about putting you back in school. We were working through stuff in the studio, just keeping busy. I swear to God every single day I thought...how is Daisy Jones still pregnant?? I was happy for them. Everything was locked in. 

**Julia** : Did you think about having kids at that point?

**Graham** : Yeah. Kids were my whole life. But your mom had been through a lot. And I had always felt like you girls were mine. So...I would have been ok either way. Really.

**Julia** : Really?

**Graham** : Yes. Really. I was already stuck with you three.

**Julia** : The feeling is mutual, Pops.

**Karen** : Eddie and I had gotten closer than I expected over the holidays. We wrote music, we drove the coast. It was really laid back and casual...until all the sudden we realized it wasn’t. 

**Eddie** : I was never really interested in settling down. It snuck up on me. Karen was one of the guys. I don’t think either of us saw it coming the way it did. But...it worked. We were into each other but I also never felt like Karen had a single expectation of me. Which...c’mon. I’m a catch.

**Karen** : I was so excited for the show at The Rainbow Room. I knew it sat funny with a Eddie but everything sat funny with Eddie, right?

**Eddie** : Oh sure, big A-List party and Daisy can’t make it so we bring the lead singer from the opening act. To play fucking guitar?? Why would I be be pissed?! 

**Karen** : I made him promise he would go with me and have a good time.

**Eddie** : I was glad I went.

**Camila** : We had gotten a sitter for the girls. Graham was so excited. He must have changed his outfit three times...even though the boys had all worked out what they would wear. It was pretty adorable.

**Daisy** : Jake had come to the house in Venice Beach and he and Jess had been there about a week. I knew they were working on the song for the show, but they spent hours at a time in the studio, too, just tinkering. They would come out to swim with you girls or nap with the twins. Really all I did in those days was nap. Your dad would come lay with me and just talk a mile a minute about what they were working on. And I knew he was ready to start writing again. We had decided that once the baby came we would just take that time to sit and write and work. The night of the show you were all with your mom. She called around 7:00. Your dad and Jake needed to drive up to Van Nuys for some of Jake's show gear so Simone and I were meeting your mom and Graham for dinner on the Strip.

**Camila** : Both the twins got sick. And I don't mean a little sick. I mean like, one would puke and while we cleaned that up, the other one would puke. And it just didn't stop. Graham was a trooper and Cindy was trying to help but I eventually sent her home. I didn't need her sick. And I told Graham he had to go. I would not have my husband playing The Rainbow Room wearing vomit on his shirt. So he drove to pick up Daisy and Simone.

**Daisy** : I hated for your mom to miss it. We tried to brainstorm a way for her to get there. She just told me...this is being a mom Daisy, just you wait. And the truth was...I couldn't wait. Even all that not so great stuff. I was ready. And I knew your mom wouldn't be swayed. So we drove to dinner with Graham.

**Simone** : It was past 8:00 and no sign of your dad and Jake. I was starting to get a little uneasy so I asked to use the phone at Sherry's and called the house in Van Nuys. I almost choked when Jake finally answered after too many rings. He said he had blown his foot pedal and Billy was furiously working on it and making some calls. They would just meet us there.

**Graham** : When she came back to the table I thought, oh man I bet Billy is having a come apart. I thought about trying to get there or back to the house to grab some gear. I just called Rod before we left and told him to have a back up plan...just in case. Surely someone else would have a pedal...but...musicians.

**Daisy** : We got to The Rainbow Room and had a booth right towards the front. We saw Eddie and Karen, Warren and Lisa. And it absolutely was a who's who of Hollywood. It was packed. And Julia, you would have known every single person there. The line up was insane. I was a little jealous to be left out. But when they had to pull the booth out just so I could fit in it? I was reminded that I had no business being on stage. And there was something really...hot...sitting there pregnant, waiting for my guy to tear that place down. I had heard their song. I knew they would. 

**Karen** : I was in the back smoking a joint and I heard some scuttle about Billy and Graham Dunne...that they had seen Graham but no one had seen Billy. It was almost ten. They were close to the end of the line up, but they should have been there. Graham found me and pulled me close. It was so loud. He asked if I had heard anything from Billy or Jake. I obviously hadn't. 

**Daisy** : When they took a break and we still hadn't seen Billy or Jake...I started to feel queasy. Several people had come up to us and asked if we knew anything. It wasn't like either of them. I thought for a split second...please Billy....do not be in a bar somewhere. But he was with Jake. Jake wouldn't let anything happen to him.

**Camila** : When I got the call at the house, I was holding one girl and rubbing the back of the other. I don't remember which one was which. I just remember dropping the phone.


	46. Chapter 46

**Camila** : Sometimes, I still play the Nurse’s words in my head, even now. “Mrs. Dunne, this is Sheila Johnson, I’m a nurse for Doctor Turner at Cedars Sinai Hospital. There has been an accident, and we believe your husband was involved. He was rushed into surgery and they are working on repairing some internal damage and stopping his internal bleeding. The man he was in the car with is unrecognizable and in critical condition, and we do not believe he will make it to the morning. We need you to come down as soon as possible to fill out some paperwork and if possible, identify the other body. As your husband’s power of attorney, there may be some quick decisions that need to be made. I’m terribly sorry”. I was frozen in place and moving a million miles an hour all at once. My obvious instinct was that it was Graham and Eddie. I mean, Graham was my husband by then, and my name was still Dunne, so things got complicated in situations like this. I also wasn’t sure if Billy had followed through on making me Graham’s power of attorney, so again, I guessed Graham. My first thought was that I needed to get ahold of Billy. 

  
**Karen** : Life would have been a lot easier back then if we had cell phones… 

  
  
**Daisy** : I was looking around the room frantically. I mean, the guys were up next after Fleetwood Mac, and there was still no sign of Jake or Billy. I was really starting to panic. Then I saw her. Cindy. The girls’ nanny. It was so weird seeing her there, obviously, but no one else seemed to notice her. So, I slid my big pregnant butt out of that booth and ran… waddled…over to her. Her face was white. I instantly felt sick.

  
 **  
Karen** : I saw Daisy talking to some blonde chick that I had seen around off and on. I figured it had something to do with the guys, so I stood up to join her. 

  
**  
Camila** : I really had no way of getting ahold of anyone back then, so I called Cindy. I had sent her home when the twins got sick, but I needed her help now. She didn’t even hesitate. She hung up with me and immediately went to The Rainbow Room. I asked her to meet me at Cedars Sanai after she told the crew what had happened, so that she could take the girls. I didn’t want them around the hospital hubbub, but I didn’t have much of a choice, so if I could spare them even a little bit, I was going to. I also had Jessica with me, so I had hoped that Jake could take her away from it all too. 

  
  
**Daisy** : I practically crumbled into Cindy’s arms. That woman was a strong one to hold up my pregnancy weight gained ass. She had thought that it was Graham and Eddie, because Camila thought it was Graham and Eddie, but when she saw Graham and Eddie there, her face sank just like mine did. My heart began to race, and I couldn’t process the information I was hearing. Cindy was a champ… [she swallows hard] she kept a level head and went around to tell everyone what was going on. Graham jumped up and ran out of that place so fast, he didn’t even stop to make sure Rod had a plan. He was just focused on getting to Billy. Simone… Simone was so steady. She was worried about me. Focused on me. Making sure I was ok, but I could see that she was worried about Jake. My heart hurt for her, but I was just focused on getting to Billy too. 

  
**Rod** : I was in a panic, but it was my job to handle things. So, I talked to Stevie and the band and then announced that Fleetwood Mac would be coming back on in place of the Six. People kind of grumbled and murmured, but I didn’t care. I just wanted my guys to be ok. 

  
**  
Eddie** : I don’t even know how we got to the hospital, but we did. Daisy ran in there like a bat out of hell and she and Camila immediately fell into each other. 

  
**  
Camila** : When I had gotten to the hospital, the nurses met me and told me that Billy Dunne was in surgery and that there was paperwork I needed to fill out. I was in shock and trying to switch my brain from 'Graham is hurt' to 'Billy is hurt', not to mention I had four little girls in tow who I was also trying to keep calm. 

  
**Julia** : I remember that. I didn’t know what was happening, but Jessica was scared, so I remember telling her that we should play make believe doctor, and you told me to pretend that Maria and Susana were our patients. I remember that waiting room… but not too much else.   
  
  
**Jessica** : Honestly, I've blocked that whole part of my life out.

  
 **Eddie** : I was worried. That didn’t happen to me often, and while seventy percent of the time I couldn’t stand Billy Dunne, he was still family. I didn’t want anything to happen to him. And Jake was a cool dude. I didn’t want anything to happen to him either. But I could tell your mom was overwhelmed and I didn’t want to get in the way. I was not an important person in this situation, so I volunteered to watch you girls.

  
 **  
Camila** : Eddie Loving has a heart. It was such a welcomed surprise.

  
 **  
Karen** : It was really sweet to see. I had never seen that side of Eddie before. None of us had. I liked it. 

  
**  
Camila** : Karen was trying to help me, and Simone was trying to help Daisy, but really, Daisy and I just needed each other. She came with me when I had to fill out paperwork, and everything was moving so fast. Then… [pauses, swallows her tears down] they asked me if I wanted to sign a DNR. Billy was in critical condition and they didn’t know what was going to happen in surgery or after in recovery. They didn’t know what was going to happen to his brain…his body… his quality of life. There was the range of: "He could be paralyzed from the waist down", to "he could make a full revocery". They weren’t even telling me what was wrong, except that there had been an accident. A drunk driver ran a red light and hit Jake’s passenger side door, going 70 in a 40. How Jake wasn’t dead on impact… but it flipped the car and they said that Jake was a mangled mess from being thrown through the front windshield, and that Billy’s legs had gotten pinned under the steering wheel and his body was thrown around while he was stuck, so his head took some major blows. Neither one of them had been wearing a seatbelt. That just wasn’t something we even thought about back then. The doctors said that they wouldn’t know exactly what they were looking at long term, but they were doing what they could now. As his power of attorney, I needed to make the hard decisions. I didn’t even realize I still was, but I found out that that had never been transferred to Daisy. That was probably one of our biggest fights ever, debating about signing a DNR. 

  
  
**Daisy** : She didn’t want to sign. I wanted her to. I knew Billy and I knew that if there was a chance he was going to be a vegetable, hooked up to all kinds of tubes and wires, or if he was going to end up stuck in a wheelchair for the rest of his life, not able to be Billy Dunne, lead singer of the Six, then he would be absolutely miserable and a desperate mess. If he was going to… fall asleep on the table… or in recovery… I thought that he should be allowed to go and leave us, without us forcing him to stay for selfish reasons. [she begins to sob] I wasn’t trying to just kill him off, Jules. I just… I didn’t want him to hate being on this earth if the earth ended up taking something else from him. I didn't want him to resent me either...

  
  
 **Camila** : She wasn’t even thinking about the kids. And I get it. She wasn’t a mother yet. Not really. But I knew that no matter what happened, whether Billy was in a wheelchair or if he needed help with his brain, he would always love you girls, and the son he was about to have, and he would want to be around to see you grow up. I wasn’t being selfish. I was just thinking about you girls. You needed your daddy in whatever form he came. I was glad in that moment that I still got to make that decision because Daisy would have signed. And it would have gone into effect. I’m glad I didn’t. 

  
**Daisy** : I was furious. I hated that she felt like she knew Billy more than I did. I knew him NOW. His thoughts, fears and desires NOW. She didn’t. I was so angry and in that moment, I was scared that I didn’t even fit into this family. She still had the power. She was still his wife in the decision making. I was so angry. Until Billy coded on the table. Then I was so relieved that Camila hadn’t signed. They got him back, but my life was over for those two minutes. 

  
**Simone** : In all of the chaos with Billy, everyone forgot about Jake. Until a doctor came out and asked if there was any family or next of kin there for a Jake Rodriguez. None of us responded at first. We were so used to him going by his stage name, Jake Gregory, that we were thrown off. Graham spoke first and before I could even think about what was happening, he told the doctor that I was Jake’s fiancée. I shot him a look and he nodded subtly. The guys had spent so many late nights on the bus talking about life and things other people didn't know. Like, I didn’t even know that Jake didn’t have any family around here. His dad had died when he was two and his mom took off when he was four, leaving him with his grandmother, who raised him in San Francisco. But Graham knew, and he also knew that we needed answers. So, I went with it. 

  
_________________

**1981, Cedars Sinai Hospital, California**

  
_**“That’s me… I’m Jake’s fiancée. Simone Jackson.” Simone extended a hand to the doctor out of habit and he shook it as his face dropped with sympathy.** _

_**“I’m Doctor Turner. I was the doctor working on your fiancé when he came in. He was in pretty bad shape and… and well… we did everything we could. I’m so sorry. He’s gone.”** _

_**Simone stood there frozen, shock entering her face as she stumbled over her words and said, “Thhh…that…that’s not possible. He was…Billy…He could have… Camila didn’t even identify…Are you sure?”** _

_**Doctor Turner touched her arm gently.** _

_**“There was no need to identify the body. Miss Johnson misunderstood the information we already had when she said that. He had his wallet and info in his pocket when he was brought in, and the other man with him, a Mister William Dunne Jr. was muttering and asking us to make sure Jake was ok. Again, I am very sorry for your loss.”** _

_**Simone stumbled back as grief hit her. Daisy ran to her and called out to Dr. Turner.** _

_**“Doctor Turner… my boyf… Billy Dunne… is he going to be ok?”** _

_**Doctor Turner turned around and walked back to her.** _

_**“He is stable. They were able to stop the bleeding and repair some of his internal damage. He is in a medically induced coma right now and another doctor should be along shortly to give you more specific updates and show you to his room.” He gave the group a weak smile and nod before turning to go back to work.** _

_______________

 **Graham** : You could hear a pin drop in that waiting room. We were all in shock. I mean, we had just seen them that morning. Now Jake was gone, and Billy was in a coma. How the hell did this happen?

  
 **Eddie** : I felt like shit. I had hated Jake for taking the spot that I thought I deserved at the gig, and now… the man was gone. And that could have been me. That fucked with my mind for a very long time. It wasn't fair. None of it was fair.

  
 **Camila** : The worst thing of all… was Jessica. She had these big blue eyes, a lot like Daisy’s, and she was so happy playing with you in the corner of that room. I just watched her and thought, ‘what now?’. Then she… [wipes her eyes with a tissue] she came over to me and climbed up on my lap and said, “Miss Cami, where is my daddy? I’m ready to go home now”, and I didn’t know what to say.

  
 **Karen** : The twins were still sick, and it was just one more thing to add to the shit storm hurricane we had just gotten swept up in. In that moment, the girls were kind of an afterthought. Not intentionally, but just because we were all spinning. I went to Camila and offered to take the girls back home to their place, and she was so relieved. She sent Cindy with us and let’s just say… cleaning up a nonstop domino effect puke chain all night, really bonds people. [laughs] Cindy and I really got to know each other, and I realized that even though this girl knew nothing about music, she was really cool. We’ve been best friends ever since. 

  
**  
Camila** : Thank God for Karen and Cindy, dropping everything to help. I hope you have a tribe of women like that around you, Jules, because it’s priceless.

  
 **  
Julia** : I do, and you’re right. 

  
  
**Daisy** : No one wanted to leave. We all just wanted to stay until Billy woke up. There was only one person at a time allowed in his room though, so between me, Graham and Camila, we all took turns sitting by his bedside. But the rest of our crew had to stay in the waiting room and that night turned into another night, and then another night, and it was getting hard for people to sleep there. I understood. 

  
**Eddie** : It had shaken us all up really bad. When I finally decided to leave and went to pick up Karen from Camila's house, we didn’t talk the whole way back to our place. Well, my place, but she practically lived there by then so…yeah, our place. When we got back, we both fell onto the bed and just…held each other. Nothing sexual, nothing sensual…just…comfortable. I had never just laid in bed with a girl without doing anything before. It was weird but… I liked it. 

  
  
**Camila** : Graham found Jake’s grandmother’s phone number and called it. Jake’s cousin, Michelle, answered the phone, and she told him that their grandmother had passed away a year ago. I guess Jake never got around to that story in time. Michelle lived in San Diego but was cleaning Jake’s grandmother’s house in San Francisco, getting it ready to sell. It was luck that Graham even caught her. She asked about Jessica right away and was on the next flight to LA to come get her after she heard the news. It broke your little heart when your best friend left. 

  
**Julia** : Yeah… that hurt a lot. I’m all good now though. [smiles]

  
  
 **Camila** : Yes, you are. 

  
**  
Daisy** : It was hard to give up my seat next to Billy for Camila or Graham every few hours, but I knew I needed to. They needed that time too and I … needed some air. I needed a break from the beeping of the monitors, the hiss of the tube down his throat and the coldness of his hands. It had been three days since he had gotten in that crash. Valentine’s day. Not exactly how I planned on spending my first real Valentine’s day with my guy. The year before, we had just lost Bear and I was not in a romantic mood. I don’t think your dad was even living with me by then… [pauses to think back] anyway. And I KNOW this is not how your mom and Graham planned on spending their first Valentine’s day as a married couple… staring into each other’s eyes over a shared cup of hospital cafeteria jello. But they never complained. Graham even brought us both flowers and chocolates and a little teddy bear for baby boy. It was the sweetest. He told me that he knew that Billy would have done it if he could, but he hoped that this would still be ok. It was.

  
 **  
Camila** : Your Pops is the best man. He still made me feel beautiful and sexy and loved, even when I was grimy in the hospital sitting by my ex husband’s bedside. He brought me lilies, my favorite, and a box of chocolate like the kind he used to get me at Christmastime, when he was just Billy’s pesky younger brother who didn’t have a shot with me. [laughs] He has more than a shot with me now! [winks]

  
 **Daisy** : I loved watching their love. They were just the sweetest, and it was nice to see some happiness when I was feeling anything but. I had been feeling small contractions since I got to the hospital the night of the accident, but they would come and go, and I was pretty sure they were Braxton hicks. I didn’t really think anything of it. I was so focused on Billy. But on Valentine’s day, I told Graham and Camila to take the day off from hospital duty, and go out and have some fun. Laugh, love… go make a baby. [laughs softly] Camila was hesitant, but Graham really wanted to spend time with her, so she acquiesced. Then she got excited.

  
 **Simone** : I picked up Michelle from the airport and it was not the way I had wanted to meet the guy I was seeing’s cousin. But she was an absolute sweetheart. We cried together and she told me that he had mentioned me to her, and then she asked how Jessica was doing. She was determined to take care of everything, and I was so relieved. I didn’t know what to do, what decisions to make, or how to handle Jessica. I wasn't family yet, even though Michelle treated me as such. But those decisions were too big and important. I couldn’t imagine being the one to break Jessica's little heart. It made me nauseous just thinking about it. I threw up a lot during that. 

  
**Daisy** : As soon as Camila and Graham left for their date night, my contractions kicked in again. I was only eight months pregnant, so it was still too soon. I talked to my belly and told him that he needed to stay inside, warm and safe for a little while longer while his daddy got better. I wanted Billy to be there for this birth. I needed him there. And I knew how important it was for him to be there since he missed your birth and the twins' was kind of a blur…

  
 **  
Julia** : He did?

  
  
 **Daisy** : [blushes] Oops… sorry, Jules. He felt so awful about that. That’s why he wanted this to be right this time. I was holding Billy’s hand… singing to him, talking to him, and begging him to open his eyes for me. Then the contractions picked up and I actually had to stop singing to hold my breath through them. I stood up to grab a nurse in the hallway, and right there on Billy’s hospital room floor, my water broke. Four weeks too soon. And I was all alone.


	47. Chapter 47

**Camila** : Looking back, we maybe should have stayed closer to the hospital. But seeing Billy like that was...hard...and it was taking a toll on Graham. Your dad was still so swollen. His face and head, he had some stitches on his stomach and side that were just....ugly. Not unlike my stitches had been. Drains and...things going in, things coming out. We needed to get away. Daisy did too, but there was absolutely no telling her that. And that stress. I just should have known.  
  
 **Daisy** : I mean of all the things in my life, to be standing there and have my water break in the ICU. Your dad right there, but not really there at all. I panicked. I started calling for a nurse. I was so afraid to move. It was so early and I was sure I was losing the baby right there and you’re dad would be next. I was so scared. And I was so alone.  
  
 **Simone** : You ever have the feeling that something in your world is wrong? I had left Jessica and I’m sitting in my rental car in the driveway just crying. Sobbing. Weeping for that man. I couldn’t...I couldn’t process it. But I was starting to. All of the sudden I swear to you, girl, the hair on the back of my neck stood up. I gripped the handle bars and I thought: something is wrong. I floored it back to the hospital. I don’t even remember parking at the ER entrance. It took us an entire day to eventually find that car cause I had no idea where I parked. But...I got to her. I got to her in time.  
  
 **Daisy** : They brought a wheelchair into the room and put me in it, taking my vitals as they wheeled me out. I was begging them not to take me away from Billy...like I would have had this baby there on the floor of his room if they had let me. They put me in an elevator to labor and delivery and I saw Simone running towards us. I shouted for them to wait and she made it. She made it to me.  
  
 **Simone** : Daisy was in full blown labor and she had no medicine in her system. She and Billy had talked about it being natural because they were both scared that she couldn’t manage the pain killers. I had been on board. Until that moment. She kept screaming that something was wrong. I think it was just the pain. And she knew it was too soon. But the stress...it was unimaginable.  
  
 **Daisy** : By the time they had me in a bed on the 7th floor I was struggling to even stay conscious. But I remember every split second of it.  
  
 **Simone** : I had her hand and I was trying to keep her with me. She was bleeding. It was so fast. I prayed. Out loud. I thought Lord Jesus you don’t get to take everyone I love. Not today. She asked for Graham. And she asked for music.  
  
 **Daisy** : This one attending nurse, I don’t know what his job was but he sure did bring in this little alarm clock radio and cut through static to find some music. I closed my eyes. I had imagined your dad singing to me when his son came into the world. And he was...he couldn’t...he was four floors beneath us fighting for his life. I screamed. It was complete agony in all the ways you could imagine feeling it.  
  
 **Simone** : I’m sitting there squeezing her hand and literally praying to God and baby Jesus and Mary and the saints to get this girl through this somehow. And then....[she smiles and wipes her eyes] As Tears Go By comes on that damn little radio. Can you even? God was right there in that room and he found a way to send her Billy....and me Jake. She looked at me and we just started crying to each other. Through smiles. It was...I can’t explain it. What happened in that moment. And she screamed through those tears and she had so much strength. She felt your dad there whether he was there or not. Music did that for her. We could almost hear them singing it. She gave this intense scream and then she held her breath. And we heard him cry. Child, the lungs. From his first breath.  
  
 **Julia** : Jagger.  
  
 **Daisy** : [She smiles] Jagger Jacob Dunne. Billy hadn’t wanted to decide a name. We knew we wanted to look at him and that he would tell us his name somehow. I believe he did. With a little help. He’s always been a Jagger. Our Jagger.  
  
 **Julia** : That’s no exaggeration. I love that boy. I didn’t know where Jagger came from. I mean I did. But...  
  
 **Daisy** : Jagger. Or Jag Off as your dad calls him when he’s in the dog house. I started crying when I heard him. These cries. I was worried for him.  
  
 **Simone** : I saw them cut the cord and looked at that boy for the first time. He was beautiful but he was small. So small. And his color wasn’t right. They whisked him off pretty fast. I told Daisy he was fine. And he was...but he...wasn’t ready.  
  
 **Daisy** : I did not want them to take him but I’m laying there splayed out in this table still bleeding and God knows what else. Simone laid her head by me and cried. She held me. Then I begged her to call Graham. He had left the number of the place they were going to eat.  
  
 **Camila** : When they told Graham he had a phone call, he dropped his fork. I walked with him to the concierge. Our hands trembling.  
  
 **Graham** : I thought Billy had died.  
  
 **Camila** : I saw his face change and I could hear Simone.  
  
 **Graham** : I was an uncle. Again. J.J. Little man. And boy was he. He didn’t even look real the first few days he was on the outside.  
  
 **Camila** : We drove to the hospital. Ate dessert in the car. I was relieved Simone was there but I hated this for Daisy. I felt sick that I hadn’t been there and even sicker that Billy had missed the whole thing.  
  
 **Daisy** : Graham came flying into the room and it was so good to see him. He was the next best thing to your dad, and I knew he was as excited as we were.  
  
 **Graham** : Simone told me they had taken him to the NICU so Camila headed that way and I sat with Daisy and Simone. Daisy was....damn. A champ. He came fast so she couldn’t have had drugs if she DID want them. She just wanted to see her boys. [He smiles] Billy always had his girls. Now Daisy had her boys.  
  
 **Camila** : I had to work some magic to get answers in the NICU but by that point everyone knew the story and all of this tragedy. I think they felt sorry for me. I got in to see him...baby Jagger. Oh man. He was so small. But already this head full of dark hair. He looked so much like....[She pauses]...he looked just like you looked when you were born. Like your dad. I leaned on the glass trying to get a better look at him. And I wept.  
  
 **Julia** : Why?  
  
 **Camila** : Oh Julia, why not? Your dad was fighting for his life, this baby was doing the same, Daisy was alone, we had lost Jake....  
  
 **Julia** : ....  
  
 **Camila** : ....and I was looking at this baby of your dads...that was not mine. Better?  
  
 **Julia** : Not better, just honest, mom.  
  
 **Camila** : Little things have a way of reminding you what you lost. And we were all in danger of losing him.  
  
 **Graham** : We told the nurses to let Billy’s doctor know where to find us. They had him in a coma so at least we knew he wasn’t waking up ‘til they needed him to, but we still had no idea what was going on. What he would be like.  
  
 **Camila** : I asked Graham at dinner if I had done the right thing. With the DNR. I asked him what he would have done.  
  
 **Graham** : I would have probably sided with Daisy. So I’m glad for everyone’s sake I wasn’t there.  
  
 **Simone** : I called Dr. Shelton and asked her to come to the hospital. She had been in and out to help everyone, but I mostly wanted her ok to get Daisy on something to help her relax and sleep.  
  
 **Daisy** : I didn’t want to sleep. I wanted to hold my baby. I wanted to take him to Billy. I couldn’t do any of those things. It was paralyzing.  
  
 **Camila** : When Dr. Shelton arrived she did something I sure didn’t see coming. We all wanted Daisy to rest. She helped her into a wheelchair and out to the NICU. She wanted her to see her baby.  
  
 **Daisy** : The room smelled like baby powder and medicine and bleach. Dr. Shelton wheeled me in and who did we meet in the hallway but Dr. Reid. We had a good cry. He had been in there monitoring Jagger. He was sorry he had missed being there for his birth. I told him to get in line. [She smiles] They helped me over to his incubator and I saw him. He was Billy. Right down to the tubes keeping him alive, he was Billy. And he was mine. And I couldn’t even stand.  
  
 **Camila** : They had left us with her, Simone and I, the three of us holding onto each other and staring at this beautiful little baby. That was so hard for Daisy. I couldn’t imagine. Even with the twins and having a c-section I always got through it by clinging to you girls. I had my babies with me. And with Maria and Susana I had your daddy there holding me and holding them. This was...just pretty unimaginable.  
  
 **Daisy** : The nurses helped me express some breast milk and talked me through pumping and even promised that in the morning if everything went ok with Jagger overnight they would let me hold him. They wanted me to rest. I was this strange combination of exhausted and wide awake.  
  
 **Graham** : She was crying. She hadn’t really stopped since she saw the baby. Dr. Reid pulled me aside and said they were trying to figure out what she needed that would be safe for her. It was tricky you know?  
  
 **Camila** : We heard the ding of the elevator and out tumble Karen and Eddie. He’s got his arms full of crap from the gift shop and this big rainbow balloon. She is crying. She rushed to Daisy and fell into her, just kissing her face all over.  
  
 **Graham** : Eddie walked in as I’m talking to these doctors about how to get Daisy comfortable. He looked at me like I was nuts.  
  
 **Eddie** : I’m no doctor. But Jesus Christ. She was sitting there crying in this wheelchair, her baby is totally out of reach, she’s gotta be feeling like hell emotionally and physically, her damn boyfriend is on life support. She can’t drink or pound some queludes. How was I the only one that knew what she would need?!  
  
 **Karen** : I saw Eddie hand Graham all this shit he had bought and he came up and asked if he could borrow Daisy. Wheeled her right out from between us and down the hall into the elevator. Camila and Simone looked at me like he had lost his mind and like somehow I would know how to find it. I was falling for Eddie Loving, for sure, but he still made no sense to me whatsoever. Most of the time...  
  
 **Daisy** : I didn’t know what was happening. But Eddie wheeled me into the elevator and we rode down to the third floor. Right past the nurses station and into Billy’s room in the ICU. He was moving fast and I think he was thinking he had to get there before someone stopped him.  
  
 **Eddie** : I lifted her out of that chair and put her right in his bed. What were they gonna do? Arrest me?? Yeah, ok. [He pauses] It would have been worth it anyway.  
  
 **Camila** : By the time we figured out where they were, we saw Eddie outside Billy’s room with her chair. Biting his nails like he was just waiting for it. Waiting to get yelled at. Another surprise from Eddie Loving.  
  
 **Simone** : I looked into the window and saw her on his bed curled up into him. Stroking his hand. She was talking but I didn’t want to open the door. We just...gave her her time.  
  
 **Karen** : I must have been grinning huge cause Eddie asked me what was wrong with me.  
  
 **Eddie** : I told her if I ever got hit by a truck, almost killed, tied into a bed with God only knows what keeping me on this earth, and she had to crap out my kid by herself...she better at least have the good sense to crawl into my hospital bed and give me a handy for it. That’s a lot of shit. A lot.  
  
 **Karen** : He did not tell me to give him a hand job, Jesus, Eddie. He told me he knew she needed Billy. That was all. And as we watched her fall asleep in there...we knew he was right.  
  
 **Camila** : The doctors let her sleep there. They were in and out all night monitoring them both. Eddie and Karen drove me home and Graham and Simone stayed with them. Under express orders to call if anything changed. I had Cindy coming the next day to watch the three of you but to be honest, that night? I needed you. Daisy cuddled your dad to sleep...I climbed into your bed when I got home and cuddled you.  
  
 **Graham** : Simone and I slept that night on the couch in the ICU waiting room. And there were a whole slug of doctors there first thing in the morning.  
  
 **Simone** : The news was good, but...ominous.  
  
 **Graham** : They were going to take Billy for an MRI and if it looked like enough swelling had gone down on his brain they would slowly wean him off anesthesia and he could potentially...potentially...be conscious by the end of the day. They knew the circumstances, the baby. We asked them just to do what was safe. His body was pretty banged up but at that point they were more worried about his mind. He had taken most of his trauma to his head and neck. It was still all braced. And he hadn’t responded to much or moved much of anything since the accident. [He pauses] After my discussion with Camila the idea of him being a vegetable scared the living piss out of me.  
  
 **Simone** : I was team Camila. Daisy thought she would be able to let him go. It would have killed her. But the idea of a guy like Billy Dunne being bed ridden? Wearing diapers? It was a lot. And I was saddled with deciding how much of it to tell Daisy.  
  
 **Daisy** : They woke me up so he could get his MRI. I had to go see my nurses, too. Check everything down below. Which, by the way, felt like it had been railroaded and not in the good way. I had to pump breast milk. I hadn’t showered. Everything hurt. But...I knew I could hold my baby. And I would have shaved my fucking head if they told me that’s what it would take.  
  
 **Simone** : I helped her shower and I helped her pump. She was so frustrated. But she also got ready to go meet that baby like she was going to prom. She was so excited. When they finally lifted his tiny little body, he was still hooked up to all these machines, but she sat there in that rocking chair and I’m not kidding you, Rodriguez, when his head hit her chest...you actually saw two souls just click into place. He melted into her breast and she started singing to him as she rested her hand on his back. He wasn’t much bigger than her palm, just by a little bit. And he nuzzled her. She didn’t think she’d ever be a mom. She was, she always was, an epic mom. She became this selfless super creature right before my eyes. She even tried to nurse him. They had told her he couldn’t yet but she had it in her to try. I wish I had been able to take a picture so everyone else could see it the way I still see it so clearly. So your dad could see it. He would have been so fucking proud of that woman.  
  
 **Graham** : I called Camila and filled her in but really I wanted her advice.  
  
 **Camila** : Graham was feeling the weight of wondering how his brother was going to wake up and as he was talking to me I was watching you girls eat breakfast and I saw your whole lives flash in front of me: sledding, dancing, tackling, playing. What if your dad couldn’t do any of that? But I was trying to calm Graham down and convince him he could do it. I hung up and called Danielle Shelton. I wanted them to have someone that understood this whole unit. She was already getting ready to head there when I reached her by phone.  
  
 **Simone** : Daisy held Jagger for a long time before they had to get him back to sleep. Which was good. I was glad she got that love into her system. It was going to be coursing through her no matter what the day brought. And God only knew what that would be. We made our way downstairs.  
  
 **Graham** : When they brought Billy back in I noticed his vent tube was out. I figured that had to be a good sign. He was breathing on his own, right? Man, I wanted Camila there so badly. But I knew she needed you girls. I think it was a lot for her: seeing your dad like that and also however that baby coming into this world may have sat with her. I know she wouldn’t have talked to me about either of those things. But I knew it was hard and I was trying like hell to respect that. And...I was looking at my brother...lying there. [He stops.]  
  
 **Julia** : It’s ok. I know.  
  
 **Simone** : We talked to Daisy, her doctor and I, about what it would look like for Billy coming out of this coma. I didn’t want to panic her but I tell you she had this newfound mama bear strength that was blowing my mind. She was asking all the right questions.  
  
 **Daisy** : I needed to know what I was looking at. What he would need? What they were expecting? What signs they were they looking for? What was the timeline for his healing? When they brought his gurney back in and I could actually see his face without all the tubes and bandages....I just asked them, no I told them, I just needed them to bring him back to me.  
  
 **Graham** : She asked if he could hear her and they told her they hoped so. She walked over and kissed him on the cheek and whispered in his ear and I’m sure I saw his fingers twitch.  
  
 **Julia** : What did you say? Do you remember?  
  
 **Daisy** : Of course I do. I asked him to wake up and marry me.  
  
 **Graham** : We sat there for awhile. I talked to a Simone about Jake. I felt sick that here we were in the midst of this and we hadn’t even processed that. She said his cousin wanted to have a small celebration of life for him once the dust settled with Billy. I was ready for that to happen too.  
  
 **Simone** : It was healing for me to talk out loud about Jake with Graham. I was so grateful. Helped me keep that man’s spirit alive and he deserved that. Jessica deserved that. And it helped us not just stare at Billy like he was a pot of water waiting to boil.  
  
 **Graham** : It was a long day. We took turns, alternating between his room and the NICU. Daisy Jones, man. She was like a force of nature. I don’t know how she kept it together. I’d say it had been like six hours. Maybe more. Felt like days. But I noticed when they came in to check his reflexes he was fucking moving. I could see it. They could see it. They would pinch him all over to see if he would react. He as wiggling toes and fingers. They told me that was excellent. Damn right it was excellent. I love that man but I wasn’t about to go changing his diapers for the rest of my life. Sorry, Camila. So I was pretty ecstatic. Simone and Daisy had gone to be with Jagger but I couldn’t wait for them to get back.  
  
 **Daisy** : I was filled with so much fear and so much love. I would hold that boy and tell him his daddy couldn’t wait to meet him and I would close my eyes and I could see him resting on your dad’s bare chest just like you girls loved to. I could see them doing all these things and I knew he would get to do them. I just knew it. Like if I wished for it hard enough it would come true.  
  
 **Graham** : I was sitting by his bed when he came to. Those green eyes you know? Finally open, reading the room. He looked over at me and I put my hand on his and he squeezed it. He squeezed it so fucking hard. I pushed his nurses button.  
  
 _ **____________________________**_  
 _ **1981**_  
 _ **Cedars Sanai Hospital, Los Angeles**_  
  
 _ **Billy was slowly coming to after his medically induced coma and his brother Graham sat by his side. The nurses and doctors who had been acutely monitoring him were called and Graham also sent a nurse to find Daisy.**_  
  
 _ **Billy’s doctor lifted his eyes and shown a small light into them. Graham saw his pupils change. He watched as a nurse pinched his foot and Billy all but kicked her.**_  
  
 _ **“This is good, right? This is all good?” He was smiling as he talked and the doctor smiled back.**_  
  
 _ **“This is all very promising, yes. His vitals look great. Oxygen levels are improving. This is all very good.”**_  
  
 _ **Graham rocked back and pinched the bridge of his nose to keep from crying. Then leaned over his brother and took his hand in both of his.**_  
  
 _ **“Billy....it’s Graham. Can you hear me? You’re gonna be fine. Everything is fine. I’m right here and Daisy is on her way. You’re not gonna believe what she has to tell you, man.....”**_  
  
 _ **Graham was smiling and Billy looked over towards him like he was trying to read both Graham’s face and his words...not to mention his current situation.**_  
  
 _ **“D...Daisy....?” Billy asked and his face fell as if he was confused and Graham couldn’t get a read. He turned to the doctor.**_  
  
 _ **“Should...should I be trying to talk to him here, man?”**_  
  
 _ **“Yes...if you can get him to talk..or to track...we can monitor some of his responses. He may not be awake long.”**_  
  
 _ **Graham nodded.**_  
  
 _ **“Yeah...Daisy. She’s here. She’s fine. Everyone’s fine.”**_  
  
 _ **Billy moved like he wanted to sit up and Graham helped keep him still.**_  
  
 _ **“Camila....” he whispered to Graham and Graham told him she was fine.**_  
  
 _ **“Where is she? Julia....” Billy was getting increasingly agitated and worried about Camila and Julia. He asked several times. Graham was getting unsettled.**_  
  
 _ **“They are at home with the twins. We will get them here soon....” Graham was trying to keep him talking but also trying to keep him still in that bed and it was proving more and more difficult.**_  
  
 _ **“The...twins....?” Billy asked like he had no idea who Graham was talking about and Graham eased his chair away from the bed slightly.**_  
  
 _ **“The...twins Billy. Your girls. Susana. Maria. Your twins.”**_  
  
 _ **Billy looked at him like he was speaking another language. The doctor appeared over Grahams shoulder.**_  
  
 _ **“Mister Dunne how are you feeling today? Is anything causing you pain right now?”**_  
  
 _ **Billy pointed to his chest. Graham eyed the bandages there where they had drained fluid from his lungs.**_  
  
 _ **“Ok. We can take care of that. Mister Dunne do you know where you are?”**_  
  
 _ **Billy shook his head no.**_  
  
 _ **“Mister Dunne do you know what year it is?”**_  
  
 _ **Billy closed one eye and Graham watched him search for the information.**_  
  
 _ **“19...79.”**_  
  
 _ **“Ok...Billy...can you tell me the last thing you remember?”**_  
  
 _ **The doctor was studying his response but not as much as Graham was. He had leaned into the bed and placed his head in his hands.**_  
  
 _ **Billy closed both eyes and thought hard. So hard it looked like it hurt.**_  
  
 _ **“We had a show...Chicago...stadium...Aurora...”**_  
  
 _ **Graham rocked back in his chair and closed his hand over his mouth as Billy opened his eyes and turned to him.**_  
  
 _ **“Where’s Camila...I need to see Camila....” he turned his head toward the doctor, “I need to see my wife.”**_  
 _ **______________________________**_  
  
 **Simone** : They assured us it was normal for him to be cloudy. That it could last for hours or days or weeks. Not to panic and not to make him panic. But for the love fo God my best friend was about to tell the love of her life that their baby was here and he was in a place where he could barely stand the sight of her? Lord Jesus, I mean you can’t write this stuff.  
  
 **Julia** : Actually...  
  
 **Simone** : Touché, girl.  
  
 **Eddie** : I had had some nights that were completely blank tape. Hell, weekends even. But two years?! Two fucking years of blank tape??  
  
 **Camila** : I had prepared myself for a lot of things. That was not one of them.  
  
 **Graham** : Fuck. My. Life.


	48. Chapter 48

**Daisy** : When the nurse came to find me and told me that Billy was awake, I screamed. Scared the bejeezus out of Jagger, and I felt horrible, but it was also good to hear him cry. It always reassured me that his lungs were growing big and strong. I was doing skin to skin and Simone quickly, but gently, took Jagger off of my chest and nodded to the door, telling me to go. I didn’t want to leave my baby, but I didn’t want my man waking up without me there either. So… I left my son with my best friend.

  
 **Simone** : Girl, my ovaries were screaming. Have you ever held a four pound baby fresh out of the oven? I wish I could bottle that newborn baby smell. It is heaven. It made me start to think I would like a little one someday…

  
 **Graham** : I had planned on catching Daisy before she got into Billy’s room. I mean, the woman had just given birth and was still needing the assistance of a wheelchair. I didn’t think she would be that fast. Boy was I wrong. She got this superhuman strength out of nowhere, and she ran into his room before I even knew she was back on our floor. She ran into his room and I stood up immediately, hoping to stop her, but she thought I was just making room for her, and she quickly slid into the chair I had been sitting on right next to Billy. I held my breath and looked pleadingly and questioningly at the doctors, both of whom just gave me a reassuring nod. They wanted to see how this played out. Which made me mad. That was my brother in that bed. My brother and my… sister. They were not some fucking experiment to just observe. 

  
**Daisy** : I ran down the hall to his room. I don’t even know how; I just knew that I had to get to him. To look into his eyes and to hear him say my name. It’s amazing how much you miss something that you took for granted on a daily basis, when it’s threatening to be stripped away from you forever. I ran to his bedside, grabbed his hand and pulled it to my chest. I kissed it all over and I just started whispering, “Hi…”. And his face… I’ll never forget it. He looked at me like I was the devil himself. 

  
_____________

**1981, Cedars Sinai Hospital**

  
_**“Hi… oh my God, Billy Dunne… don’t you dare scare me like that ever again. You scared me to death. I love you so much, baby…” Daisy was clutching Billy’s hand as the tears began to flow and she moved to brush some hair off of his forehead.** _

  
_**Billy pulled his head and hand away sharply as his eyes bore down on Daisy Jones.** _

  
_**“What the hell are you doing here?” Billy’s voice was hoarse and strained, but he got his words out easily.** _

_**  
Daisy’s face dropped as she tried to brush his forehead again. This time, Billy slapped her hand away.** _

  
_**“Don’t touch me, Jones… and for God sakes… lay off the milkshakes. You’re looking plump. Nobody is going to pay to see a fat junkie on stage. What are you even on right now? You look like shit. Get it together.” He squinted at Daisy as she felt the blood drain from her face. She recoiled and pulled her hand back into her own chest.** _

  
_**“Billy, wha…what are you…”** _

_**Graham moved to Daisy’s side and bent down to whisper in her ear.** _

_**  
“Hey, meet me in the hall. I need to talk to you.”** _

  
_**Billy’s voice was getting louder and slightly more panicked as he yelled, “I want to see my wife! Someone get Camila Dunne here NOW…”** _

_**  
Graham winced as he walked Daisy out into the hall.** _

  
_**Daisy wrapped her arms around her body, desperate for a hug. Her eyes were red, swollen, and full of tears, dark circles filling the gaps under them.** _

_**“Graham… what’s wrong with him?” She looked up at him as her world crumbled around her.** _

_**He sighed deeply as he ran his hand through his hair, resting it on the back of his neck.** _

_**“He doesn’t remember…anything. Not since Chicago in ’79. He… he thinks he’s still married to Camila, somehow he doesn’t even remember the twins, and he… he doesn’t like you.”** _

_**Daisy felt a sob rising as her body began to shake and her breathing became sporadic.** _

_**“Hey, hey, hey… come here.” Graham pulled Daisy into his chest and she clung to him, her sobs quickly wetting the fabric of his shirt.** _

_**Graham held her tight as he rested his chin on the top of her head and whispered, “The doctors say this is normal. They said that it should be temporary… that he should eventually remember everything. It just might take some time. He took some major blows to the head, Dais…” He was trying his best to convince himself as much as he was trying to convince her.** _

_**Daisy sniffled as she pulled back.** _

_**“And what if he never does? What do we do then? YOU’RE married to Camila…” she felt the sob coming quickly now as she tried to outrun it with her words.** _

_**“…and I… we… have a son upstairs. A son who is going to need his daddy, and that daddy doesn’t even know what year it is. Ohhh God… Graham… I… I can’t…I can’t do this alone…” She was sobbing a guttural, desperate sob as she fell to the floor; Graham’s arms the only thing stopping her from hitting hard.** _

_**He sat down next to her as they both leaned against a wall, and his voice got firm.** _

_**“Now you listen to me, Daisy Jones. I know my brother. And if I know anything, it’s that Billy Dunne’s kids mean everything to him. He will remember the twins. He’ll remember you. He’ll come back to us. But if he doesn’t…” he stopped to look around at the hustle and bustle of the fast-moving medical staff around them.** _

_**“…if he doesn’t, you still won’t be alone. You’ll have me…and Camila. Simone, Karen, hell, even Eddie. We’ve got this kid’s back. We’ll make sure J.J. is the coolest little dude around and that you have more than enough help. I promise.”** _

_**Daisy started laughing through her tears.** _

_**“Graham Dunne, it’s Chicago, 1979…remember? You’re not supposed to make me feel better. You’re supposed to hate me right now. You’re supposed to tell me that I’m a ticking time bomb that’s about to explode. You’re supposed to keep me away from your family... not push me towards it.” She was trying to be playful and joke around, but he saw the pain in her eyes, and heard it still in her voice. His words had stuck with her.** _

_**Graham’s face and head dropped as he took in the words he had wished he could take back for the last two years.** _

_**He sighed as he rested his head against the wall.** _

_**“I’m an ass.”** _

_**Daisy laughed as she pulled her knees up to her chest, wincing at the pulling feeling beneath her. She continually forgot that she had torn giving birth, and was stitched up down there.** _

_**Graham sat up and turned his body so that he was facing her, one knee pulled up.** _

_**“I want to say something I should have said years ago. I’m so sorry for everything I said in Chicago, Daisy Jones. You didn’t deserve any of that. I… I was just so… I was just so protective of Camila, and let’s be real, that was a real shitty situation for a while. I just hated to see her get hurt. And it was a lot easier to blame you than my brother, and that’s not fair.” He looked down at his hands as he smiled to himself and let out a snort through his nose.** _

_**“Honestly, I should have thanked you. That whole fuck up gave me the girl of my dreams so…” He nudged Daisy with his body, now trying to lighten the mood.  
  
It wasn’t working.** _

_**Daisy buried her face in her hands as she started crying again.** _

_**Graham’s face dropped.** _

_**“Oh, no…Daisy. I’m sorry. I was just kidding, I…”** _

_**Daisy waved him off.** _

_**“No, I’m sorry! God, I’m so sorry. For all of that two years ago, but also for all of the crying. It’s… it’s the hormones. They’re just all over the place right now.”** _

_**She wiped her nose with her sleeve, pulling her hands into the cardigan she had been living in since staying at the hospital.** _

_**Graham put his hand on her knee.** _

_**“Truly though, I’m so glad you’re a part of our family, Jones. It wouldn’t be the same without ya.” His sincerity brought on another fit of tears for Daisy.** _

_**“I’m not even a part of this family! Not really. Billy… Billy asked me to marry him last year and I basically told him to suck it. He threw the ring out of the fucking window!”** _

_**Graham laughed, and Daisy felt herself fighting against a laugh herself.** _

_**“I blew my chance to be a part of this family, Graham. I should have said yes. I should already be Daisy Jones-Dunne. But no… I had to be selfish. I was so consumed with my own grief, that I let the most perfect man I have ever know, slip through my fingers. And now… now I might never get to hear him say ‘I love you’ again. That’s how far the mighty have fallen.”** _

_**Graham sighed.** _

_**“Now you listen to me, and you listen good. You are a part of this family, with or without a ring and a piece of paper. You are my sister, you are Billy’s wife, you are the girls’ stepmom… and you are my nephew’s mother. Billy was in an accident, Daisy. He didn’t reject you. He just needs to fall back in love with you. Give him the chance to. Please.” He searched her face, trying to get a read on her.** _

_**Daisy thought long and hard about what Graham said, before throwing her arms around him and whispering, “thank you” into his neck.** _

_**She pulled back with a new determination on her face.** _

_**“Ok… I will. But… who’s going to tell him about Camila?”** _

_____________

 **  
Camila** : Eddie called me. He was the one who told me that Billy had woken up. But unlike poor Daisy, he gave me a heads up. He wasn’t tactful, but it was Eddie so… he just said, “Cam, it’s Ed. Billy’s up and asking for you. Oh and yeah, he thinks you’re still married to him. Bye”. [laughs] He didn’t even give me a chance to ask any questions. I tell you, Jules… that whole chunk of our lives was such a weird time. I called Danielle Shelton back and apologized for constantly calling her about every little thing, but I didn’t know how to handle this. I mean, do I tell Billy that I was married to Graham now? Do I fill him in on the last two years? Or do I go along with it? She told me that we needed to give his brain a chance to process its own memories, and to just go along with whatever Billy thought was real. I braced myself for that. I had butterflies in my stomach as I drove to Cedars. Thank goodness Cindy could stay with you girls, because I didn’t know at the time that Billy didn’t remember the twins, and that could have really thrown things off if they ran into his room, screaming for their daddy. 

  
  
**Billy** : I don’t remember a whole lot from the time. The last thing I remember is heading to The Rainbow Room with Jake, then waking up in a hospital, everything a total blank. I don’t know how I could forget the twins though… that killed me.

  
 **Julia** : You had brain trauma, dad. It wasn’t a choice.

  
  
 **Billy** : I know, but still… those are my kids, man. My girls. My sweet Maria and strong Susana… how could I forget them?

  
 **  
Graham** : I met Camila in the lobby and as soon as I saw her, I just started to cry. She held me and I told her that I didn’t know what to do. She told me what Dr. Shelton had said, and my stomach dropped. She was going to pretend to be Billy’s wife again. My wife was about to live out my worst fear; that she would go back to Billy. I felt sick.

  
 **Camila** : I didn’t want to hurt him. I loved him. Of course I loved him. More than anything. But your dad was priority and if it would be more helpful to be his wife right now, then I would do it. For you girls…

  
 **Julia** : Mom…

  
 **Camila** : What?

  
 **Julia** : **…**

  
 **Camila** : Ok, so maybe there was a small part of me that wondered how it would feel to be loved by Billy Dunne again. Like, really loved. To have him look at me with eyes of adoration that I hadn’t seen from him in two years. I know that probably makes me a horrible person. But… I will always love Billy Dunne. He has a part of me that no one else does. It’s just… it’s just the way it is.

  
 **Graham** : When Camila and I walked back into that room, Billy and Daisy were fighting. Like, yelling at the top of their lungs fighting. I don’t know how. He had brain damage and was beaten up all throughout his whole body, and she was weak and lightheaded, still sore and stitched, but I guess… it was who they were. They’ve always been a passionate bunch. But she was screaming through tears and he was just being rude.

  
 **Camila** : I never got a chance to tell Daisy what Dr. Shelton had said, so we walked in to Daisy telling him everything that had happened the last two years. I think I saw literal steam coming out of his ears. The doctors were pleased at his progress. I mean, a man who is just coming out of a coma being able to scream, I mean, hoarsely, but still, a man who can scream at his girlfriend about a life he doesn’t remember… that gave them a lot to study. I didn’t know who I felt worse for though. Daisy or Billy. They were both broken in different ways.

  
 **Daisy** : He was saying all of these horrible things to me. Things that he had somehow buried deep inside of him, and that accident just threw that door wide open. As I sat there, trying to tell him what life was like two years later, it felt like he was the one running ME down with a truck… constantly ramming me with his words. I tried to tell myself that it was just the brain damage, but it still hurt like hell.

  
_____________________

**1981, Cedars Sinai Hospital**

  
_**“No, No! You’re lying. What are you even doing here, Daisy? I don’t want you here. Stop trying to always be Camila. You will never be her, and you will never be my wife. I don't love you. Leave me alone!” Billy was trying to thrash, but not getting very far. His neck was red though and a vein was popping out.** _

  
_**“Billy, listen to me. It’s 1981. You and Camila aren’t married anymore… you and I… you and I are in love.” Daisy’s voice was weak now as she tried to explain for the millionth time what was going on. She wasn’t getting anywhere, and she was quickly getting exhausted.** _

  
_**Billy pulled at sheet under his hands.** _

_**“No! STOP IT. You are a psycho! Camila is my wife. You’re no better than a groupie. I would NEVER love you over her. Never. She is perfect. Me, Camila, Julia… we’re a family. That’s it.”** _

_**Daisy touched his arm cautiously.** _

_**“Ok, fine. Let’s say that’s true. You don’t remember the twins? Billy, they were around before the Chicago show. They were One year old. How do you not remember them?”** _

_**Billy’s face went white as he strained to remember Susana and Maria.** _

_**Camila and Graham walked into the room and Billy’s face brightened.** _

_**“Heyyy, there she is. My beautiful, perfect, wife.” As he said wife, he looked at Daisy, spitting the word in her direction.** _

_**Camila smiled weakly, and looked at Graham apologetically before moving next to Billy.** _

_**“Hey you. You’re looking good.” Camila sat on the side of his bed, rubbing his leg gently.** _

_**Billy held his hand out to her, pulling her close to him.** _

_**“I’m sorry my breath is probably shit, but God I’ve missed you.” Then he tilted his head up and kissed her. Deeply. While Daisy and Graham watched.** _

_**Daisy felt sick. She turned and buried her face in Graham’s chest, and she heard his heart racing under her ear. He clenched his jaw as he watched his wife kiss his brother. Who was also her ex-husband. It was horrible.** _

  
_**Camila pulled back from Billy, feeling heady.** _

_**Billy smiled as he rubbed her cheek with his thumb.** _

_**“I’m sorry about the show… I know you don’t love watching Daisy and me together… but don’t worry. This…whatever it was… gave me so much clarity. It’s you I want. Our family. You, me and Julia. This is all that matters.”** _

_**Daisy began to sob louder, and Billy shot Graham a look.** _

_**“Would you please take that groupie out of my room? Jesus. Never gonna happen, Jones. Get over yourself. If you’re that desperate, try Graham. We all know that Karen treats him like shit anyway.” Billy sneered.** _

_**“Billy…” Camila gave him a sharp look, feeling fiercely protective of both Graham and Daisy.** _

_**“What? She has caused so many problems for us, Camila. I’m really sick of it. I’d be ok if I never saw Daisy Jones again, come to think of it. I don’t think this is working out. I need to talk to Teddy about getting her out.”  
  
Graham moved quickly to take Dasiy out of the room, more for her than Billy.  
** _

_**Camila gasped and felt her own tears rising quickly.** _

_**“What?” Billy gave her a pensive look.** _

_**“Billy…” Camila was speaking softly.** _

_**“…Teddy is gone. He died… a few years ago. You really don’t remember that?” Her glassy eyes were searching his face, and Billy recoiled, the news knocking the wind out of him like he had just been punched in the stomach.** _

_**“No…” He swallowed hard. “How?”** _

_**“Heart attack.”** _

_**Billy felt his own tears rising from deep within him as he did his best to force them back down.** _

_**He took Camila’s hand and said, “I’m done with the band, Cam. Let’s take Julia and… let’s go back to Pittsburgh. I’ve been thinking… maybe I should find my dad. I mean, life’s too short, right?”** _

_**Camila felt like she was about to throw up, but she covered his hand with hers and feigned her most sincere smile, as she said, “That would be nice. But we have to take the twins too.”** _

_**Billy’s brow furrowed.** _

_**“Everyone keeps talking about that. What twins?”** _

_**Camila sighed.** _

_**“We have twin girls, Billy. Maria and Susana. And they miss their daddy. A lot.” She smiled as the tears that were welling up, made it hard for her to see.** _

_**Billy smiled.** _

_**“I can’t wait to meet them.”** _

______________

  
 **Daisy:** That was probably one of the worst days of my life, second to losing Bear. I mean, Billy was my world. Everything I did, everything I wanted to do… my future… it was all wrapped up in him. I wanted to be his wife. I wanted to raise Jagger with him. I wanted him to… love me again. But the things he was saying, the way he was looking at Camila… that kiss… it felt like everything was slipping right through my fingers like I was trying to hold water in my hand. In that moment, I started to think about what would happen if Billy never remembered. If he hated me for the rest of his life. What would he do? What would I do? Was I destined to be a single mom? That killed me, Jules. Absolutely killed me.

  
 **Simone** : When Daisy walked back into the NICU, she looked like she had just been through war. I didn’t know what happened, but I stood up, giving her my seat in the big rocking chair, and I laid a sleeping J.J. back on her chest. She clung to him and just… cried. She held him like he was all she had left of Billy, and right then, he was. But I kid you not… as soon as the tears hit his little head full of all of that Billy hair, he opened up his eyes and looked up at her. He looked at his mama and… he smiled. I mean, we both know it could have been from gas, but we like to believe he knew. He knew his mom needed him. 

  
**Daisy** : That smile saved my life. Literally. I had been having some super dark thoughts about... stupid stuff. Your brother snapped me out of it.

  
 **Julia** : He’s still the sweetest boy. I mean… he’s got his issues sure, but he’s always been a mama’s boy. It’s really precious to watch.

  
 **Daisy** : [smiles] Yeah, he is my Julia. Just like you are with your dad, he is with me. 

  
**Graham** : I had to get some air. Billy was looking at Camila like she hung the moon, and my heart broke a little more with every touch between them. Don’t even get me started on that kiss. 

  
**Julia** : Was there more to that kiss than just playing along, like Dr. Shelton told you to do?

  
 **Camila** : [pauses] No. No, I don’t think so.

  
 **Julia** : That’s not very reassuring.

  
  
 **Camila** : I mean, it’s your father. He always gave me butterflies, and remember, we only ended because he literally slept with Daisy Jones the day before he came home from running off to Pittsburgh to save her. I never really got a lot of closure. Was I happy for them by that point? Yes. Had I forgiven them? Yes… for the most part. But did I still miss your dad sometimes? Absolutely.

  
 **  
Eddie** : I picked up Karen and Warren and then stopped to pick up some real food for everyone so that they could eat something other than that dog food they served at the hospital. When we walked in, Camila was curled up into Billy, both of them asleep. Graham was nowhere to be found, and Daisy was back in the NICU. It was like walking into the twilight zone. I wondered how in the hell I ended up in a band with so much drama. I needed a joint… bad. We all did. So, we dumped the food in Billy's room, and lit up in the parking lot. Totally rock and roll, smoking pot in a hospital parking lot. I mean. Score. Just what I always imagined my life would turn out like. [Rolls his eyes] The only saving grace was the blow job Karen gave me later in her car. I could stay at the hospital all day if that was the prize. 


	49. Chapter 49

**Camila** : Dr. Shelton gathered us all in a small meeting room just outside the ICU. I am sure it was usually reserved for families making arrangements of end of life decisions...and that day didn't feel much different. Billy had fallen back asleep, I think they were medicating him to make him tired and I kept hoping that something coursing through him was also responsible for making him mean because I wanted to slap him every time he so much as looked at Daisy sideways.

**Daisy** : She gathered us all up...everyone that was there, even Eddie and Karen. She wanted us to be on the same page, which was good. Although I was already ready to just skip this entire chapter. Wake up and have MY Billy back. Because here I was, nursing his baby...and he was not MY Billy anymore.

**Camila** : Daisy was a little cold to me. I couldn't blame her. How could I blame her? When we got to that room she wouldn't sit by me. Literally found a different chair across the table and it was...well, it was really obvious. Graham was uneasy too but I knew he didn't blame me. At least in that moment he didn't blame me.

**Graham** : She told us we had a few days to sort things out. That they wouldn't discharge Billy right away, he still had some physical healing to do, but that in three or four days he would be ready to go home and we needed to figure out where "home" was going to be. I saw her look at Camila as she said it and I felt my fists clench. We had finally found this good place. And now? It was gonna be a damn dumpster fire, I could just feel it.

**Camila** : I was worried sick for Billy. I was nervous for Graham and Daisy. But mostly I was concerned for my girls. The life they knew consisted of their mom and dad living in two different homes with two different people. I was already having to deflect questions about where Billy was and why they couldn't see him. And my God, he could't even remember the twins. But then there was you. He was constantly asking for you. I had no idea what would be the least confusing thing.

**Karen** : At one point...when it became clear that Billy would go to stay at the old house...and Graham was going to go with Daisy and Simone to help with Jagger...I felt that doctor look right at me when she was asking about the girls.

**Eddie** : I asked if they liked to get high. I mean as long as they got high I was cool with it. [He pauses] I'm kidding. Karen looked at me and I just shrugged. Of course we would take you girls. To be honest it wound up being awesome birth control because by like, day three, I was about to lose my mind.

**Karen** : He is all talk. It was hard. From the moment you girls got to our place, it was strange. But it was strange magic. Just when it got too hard, you would do something wonderful. I mean, I didn't think we would ever settle down and have a family. But you girls made us feel like IF we did, together or otherwise, it would be an ok thing.

**Eddie** : I only hot boxed you ONE time. [He laughs] And you loved it.

**Camila** : Dr. Shelton told us that we could gradually start being honest with Billy. If he asked a question, we were to answer him honestly. But we had to kind of let him take the lead...not give him something that would overwhelm his system. She did tell Daisy that part of his anesthesia was making him aggressive, and that that wouldn't last much longer.

**Daisy** : I was so grateful for that because he was so hateful to me in those few hours and days that I was finding it hard to keep reminding myself he ever cared for me. It was starting to feel like I had dreamt the whole thing. This was the Billy I couldn't stand to be around.

**Graham** : We were all pretty calm....trying to handle this like a family. But I could feel Daisy bouncing her leg under the table and I knew she was struggling.

**Simone** :I kind of sat back and took it all in. I was still relatively new in this unit. And I wanted to make sure I remembered everything she was saying. Daisy was getting more and more agitated. So I decided to take one for the team.

**Daisy** : Simone finally asked about Jagger. And I was so grateful because it was all I could think about. It sounds awful, but I was like...fuck the twins. What about the baby boy upstairs that Billy doesn't know about?? That at that point he thought I had just made up?? Billy was going to be discharged...that was great. Jagger would be in the hospital for another week at least. It all felt so unfair. 

**Simone** : I asked Dr. Shelton if maybe we could just take Billy up to see him. Maybe, if we just prayed and hoped hard enough, it would somehow trigger something for him. She was too worried that it would be too much. She promised that it wouldn't be long. It had already felt too long, if you ask me. Billy was a strong guy. I said...fuck it. Guess that's why I'm a singer and not a doctor.

**Camila** : Daisy stopped going to see Billy. She would hover in the hallway and when he was asleep she would go sit with him. It...it broke my heart.

**Simone** : We brought Jagger down. It had been a few days and he was putting weight on and doing better for longer stretches, so Daisy and I strong armed some nurses. They wheeled him into Billy's room....he was out, it was the middle of the night, and Daisy opened his gown and laid Jagger on his chest. And...Lord...it was so hard. I mean, your dad was still pretty banged up...so here is this little boy laying with his daddy on all these stitches and bandages. She didn't care. She was determined to let them know each other in some way. However she could. And that little boy clung to him. His little fists. I sat there thinking...oh please Jesus let this man sleep and not wake up in a panic that there is a strange premature baby on his body because that would have been on me. He slept through it. I took pictures. It helped Daisy so much.

**Daisy** : Look, Jagger was his son. He could turn me away if he wanted but I was not going to let him deny that boy. I wanted...somewhere in his subconscious...for him to know that boy the way I was getting to. And I wanted Jag to feel his daddy with him. Thank God for Simone, you know? I mean, I was trying to keep it together. I wouldn't have been able to.

**Camila** : When they were discharging Billy, I kept having to take breaks signing paperwork because my hands were shaking so much. Graham was there...but as his brother, and not my husband **.** I kept asking him to promise me that he was ok. That he trusted me. That he trusted this. He handled it like a champ. He kept telling me we had to do what was right for Billy. That everything would be ok. That Daisy needed him. He reassured me, and that was how I knew we would be ok.

**Graham** : I was shitting my pants. I was getting physically sick. I asked Dr. Shelton if maybe I needed to start taking something. I was waking up having nightmares about your mom and dad. Look, this is a weird conversation right...

**Julia** : They all are, Pops.

**Graham** : Ha..right. But really...there was a real threat that this was gonna break bad for me. I mean, your mom will deny it till she is blue in the face, but it was all over her. It might have been a small piece of her...but there was a piece of her that still loved him and I could see it growing right in front of me.

**Camila** : Taking Billy home to the house scared me. On a lot of levels. I mean he still had wounds that needed to be cared for, he had sort of weaned off his medications, other than something for pain, but I was nervous about giving him ANY kind of drugs. And he was paranoid. Understandably, but you could tell everything confused him. He would ask about my hair...when I had cut it...and I think I had to tell him twenty times. But he would just look at me like something wasn't adding up. When we left the hospital he asked me to drive him to where Teddy was buried. So...I did.

_**(Author's Note: During this section of the interview process I would recount some of the material I had gathered from other sources, specifically my mother, but Billy had no recollection of any of the events following his release from the hospital.)** _

**Camila** : He got out of the car and I joined him. I knew he wanted to mourn him but I realized as we stood there, he just wanted to see it with his own eyes. He hadn't believed he was dead. He took my hand and held it. He asked me how he couldn't remember something like Teddy passing away. Or having twins. It was so hard to know how to help him put those pieces together.

**Graham** : I went to the house as often as I could. To help with Billy and to check on my woman, you know? Fill her in on Daisy, although Billy had no idea that's where I was staying. He was getting better every day. I would sit and recount some things from the road with him. Or even things from when we were kids. And light bulbs were gradually going off. He would remember things. Little things at first. But things nonetheless. At one point Camila was making herself busy cleaning around the house and he was watching her as I was talking to him. I just left. I felt like I was just in the way. It was like...I needed him to get better faster than he was.

**Camila** : It had been a few weeks. We would sit and watch TV, sometimes the news, and he would remember certain things...or people...he was really starting to accept the fact that he was not putting things together just right, so he would ask me. He asked to see pictures of the twins. So I pulled out their baby book. We had a pretty epic cry together. But...he remembered them. He was recalling elements of their birth. My c-section, cutting the cords, rocking them. And he wanted to see them. He wanted to see you all so bad. I was so afraid of how that would go. So I kept telling him I wanted him to heal first. Because I know...and this wasn't a total lie...that you, especially, would not be able to keep your hands off of him. And he was still so sore. But that soreness....that was good.

**Julia** : How so?

**Camila** : You know how so.

**Julia** : Did dad sleep on the couch? A guest room?

**Camila** : Julia....

**Julia** : Moving on then.

________________________________________________

_**1981** _

**_Visiting nurses came every other day to help Camila with Billy's dressing. His wounds were mostly healed, and left some significant scarring on his lower abdomen and chest, but were no longer draining. Billy hadn't seen much of what he looked like, but he was ready to._ **

**_The nurses had left for the day and Camila was busy making them dinner when Billy appeared in the door to the kitchen._ **

**_"Smells great..." he whispered to her from the door, startling her._ **

**_"Jesus, Billy...." she giggled as he crossed to her and stood behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist. She lifted the spoon from the sauce she was stirring and passed it over her shoulder to him. He took some in his mouth and she watched him lick the spoon._ **

**_"I mean it's no hospital jello but it'll do." She elbowed him as he teased her and he nuzzled her neck, kissing it softly. It sent a chill through her and she put the spoon down and turned the stove top off, spinning in his grasp until she faced him. His face turned serious._ **

**_"How bad does it look..." he glanced down at his chest and then back up at her. She inhaled sharply and let the breath go, tracing his shirt with her fingers._ **

**_"Well...you have a sizable scar here...but really once your hair grows in no one will see it. And another here..." She ran her finger over the dip in his abdomen where they had removed his appendix and some other damaged organs in his gut. He watched her slowly draw images on his shirt, "I mean your modeling days might be over, but it isn't that bad, Billy. Really."_ **

**_"I wanna look at it." He winced a little bit and she nodded. She took him by the hand and up to the bathroom just off the master bedroom. There was a large mirror that covered most of one wall. He stood at the sink and moved his arms slightly, she was still having to help him do anything that required he move them over his head. He closed his eyes as she lifted it. Camila sat his shirt on the sink and told him to open his eyes._ **

**_He frowned and tilted his head, looking it over...touching at it with his fingers and picking at some of the loose stitching. She pulled his hand from it._ **

**_"Careful! They come out in a week, don't go messing them up now." They laughed and he inhaled._ **

**_"Well...if I can get used to this short hair I guess you can get used to me looking like Frankenstein." Camila felt her eyes glass over at his words._ **

**_"Hey...hey I didn't mean it. I actually think your hair is really sexy..." he ran his hands up into the back of it and she closed her eyes as she pressed her head into his head, still wanting to cry._ **

**_"I'm sorry. What did I say?" Billy's voice was soft. He had gotten into a habit of apologizing when he would say or do something that unsettled her. Which was frequently. She pulled in a deep breath and opened her eyes. Deciding this was one band aid she just needed to pull off._ **

**_"Billy...I had breast cancer." She spilled the words and he could barely pick them up in time. They stared at each other in silence and she watched him search for memories or words._ **

_**"You...what?? When? Are you..."** _

_**"I'm fine, I'm fine. I lost all my hair. I'm glad you don't remember that..." she laughed but he was still upset, "I lost...a lot."** _

**_His face dropped. For a brief moment she wished she hadn't told him. But she could also see that he was fighting hard to understand these realities. She reached for the hem of her shirt and pulled it up over her head. She tossed it aside just as she had done with his. She closed her eyes and felt his eyes on her body. As scarred and different as his was._ **

**_"Camila...Jesus, baby..." his voice fell over her and he was pushing back a shaky sob. Her body shook in his hands. She forced herself to open her eyes and look at him._ **

**_"I'm Frankenstein, too. But....we are both alive, right? For our girls. We made it. That's what matters. Not scars." She was speaking through trembling tears._ **

**_He felt a few escape his eyes, too, as he lifted his hands over her body, running them over the scars on her chest. He whispered her name. Several times._ **

**_"I'm....I'm...so sorry..."_ **

**_He was uneasy with her as he pulled her into his chest. She reveled in his warmth and cried softly into it, pressing their trauma...literally and figuratively...into one another. She wrapped her arms around his bare back and held him close. They stood there silently holding each other. Until Billy ran his fingers up her back and into her hair, turning her head from him. He leaned into her and their mouths met. Gently at first. Camila fought the urge to kiss him_ ** **_fiercely, but she was overcome with years of memories of him. When she was his. She pushed back into him, slipping her tongue past his lips as he met it with his own. They moaned into each other and kissed deeply, their hands running over the hot skin on each other's backs as their chests closed into together. They came up for breath in unison and their eyes met with an unusual unease. She read it on his face first. An uncertainty. Something...just wasn't right. He furrowed his brow and she saw it dawn on him. Something was dawning on him._ **

**_"Billy..." she whispered. They were both so lost in a surreal moment of connection and confusion._ **

**_So much so that neither of them noticed Graham at the bathroom door._ **

**____________________________________________________ **

**Graham** : I mean I think I knew it was only a matter of time. But I wasn't ready to walk in on them messing around in the bathroom, no. And the worst part? I couldn't even rage about it. What was I gonna say?? Stop making out with your wife??

**Camila** : I felt sick. I mean, it wasn't like this big romantic thing. But I know what it had to look like to Graham. And then I stood there trying to explain to your dad what might be going on, but I also saw this tiny little light of...maybe he knew. I threw my shirt on and ran after Graham. But he had left. Your dad ran down after me, still shirtless, and I told him I was sure Graham was just embarrassed. He bought it. Or at least pretended to.

**Graham** : I drove to Rod's. I sure as shit wasn't gonna go back and have to see Daisy and tell her. Her plate was overflowing and it was already hard for her that he was staying with Camila. I mean I already lied to her and told her Billy stayed on the couch.

**Julia** : So he didn't?

**Graham** : No. He didn't. Your mom thought she had me fooled. I know what a bed looks like when two people slept in it. I watch enough Sherlock Holmes. I had them figured out pretty quick.

**Julia** : And you were ok with that?

**Graham** : Didn't have much choice, kid.

**Rod** : I had been keeping my distance from the whole thing. I had some personal stuff going on and I also just wanted to be able to be a good manager to those guys you know? They needed that, too. Simone was around. She was the moral compass. And she kept me plugged in. But when Graham showed up that day I thought...shit, I really need to be there for these jerks. [He smiles]

**Camila** : Your dad and I watched Graham peel out and I just remember feeling crushed by the weight of it. He was holding his shirt, and he asked me to help him get dressed. He asked me to take him to see Daisy Jones. I'll never forget....not Daisy. Daisy Jones. I hoped it was the right thing to do.


	50. Chapter 50

**Julia** : Ok, I’m going to come right out and ask it. Did you two do anything other than kiss?

  
 **Camila** : Absolutely not. Billy wasn’t even in my bed, Julia.

  
 **Billy** : I don’t remember. I would like to say no. But… I really don’t know. If it were any other woman, it would be an easy ‘absolutely not’, but with Camila… especially with where I was during all of that… I don’t know. 

  
**Daisy** : I knew something happened the minute Graham didn’t come back. He had been at my house every night taking shifts with me and Simone, changing diapers, rocking Jagger to sleep… he was so great. I mean, if you just watch that man for two seconds when he’s around kids, he was made to be a dad. Jagger adored him. He knew his voice and he would always try to lift up his wobbly head to see him whenever Graham walked into the room. Which was adorable, and heartbreaking. I wanted it to be Billy that Jag was looking for. Not his Uncle.

  
 **Graham** : I always seemed to be a stand in Billy when Billy was too out of it to be dad. And don’t get me wrong, I love you and your sisters, and I loved Jagger during all of that, but it really sucked to feel like I was always second best to the person everyone really wanted. You kids, Camila, Daisy…

  
 **Julia** : Whoa, wait. Daisy? You wanted Daisy Jones to want you?

  
 **Graham** : Not like that. No, really. I meant that I was the one getting up at 2am to change J.J. and rock him back to sleep after Daisy fed him, but I could see it in her eyes that even though she was thankful for the help, I wasn’t who she really wanted to do this with. I don’t blame her, of course. It just can feel like you’re inferior sometimes when you’re in that position. It doesn't feel great.

  
 **Daisy** : I knew something was wrong, and I felt a small panic settle in me. You have to remember, I was still processing the trauma of Billy’s accident, so the only image that kept running across my mind was Graham getting hit by a drunk driver too. I didn’t even think. I just called Camila. Thank God she answered and not Billy.

  
 **Camila** : I was probably breathless when I answered. I had just run down the stairs after Graham, and then I was trying to help your dad get dressed to go see Daisy, which was always a hard job. When my phone rang, I prayed it was Graham. It was Daisy. She wanted to know if we had seen Graham. Which meant he hadn’t gone back to her house. I didn’t know whether I should be panicked or relieved.   
  
  
**Julia** : Relieved? Were you afraid she was going to try to move in on Graham?  
  
  
 **Camila** : [Pauses] Well... she is still Daisy Jones.

  
 **Daisy** : She told me that Graham had just left, but something in her voice told me there was more to the story. Considering the fact that Billy thought he was still married to Camila, and had been staying in her house... then Graham goes to visit and refuses to come back to my house… It wasn’t hard to put two and two together.

  
 **Julia** : How did the thought of them doing something make you feel?

  
 **Daisy** : Honestly? Relieved. I could finally stop being the bad guy. I could stop being the other woman in people’s minds because his ex-wife was now the other woman. I felt like any guilt or shame I had about the way Billy and I had started out, washed away and the playing field was now level. I know that’s a horrible, selfish way to look at it, but… it’s how I felt. Honest, right?

  
 **Julia** : Yes. Thank you for that. 

  
**Daisy** : I couldn’t think of anywhere else Graham could be, until Simone suggested Rod’s. Then it was obvious. I called Rod and he hesitated before telling me that Graham wasn’t there. He was. I could hear him in the background. I didn’t know what happened to make him feel like he needed to cover for him, but I wasn’t going to push it. As soon as I hung up the phone, there was a knock at my door. 

  
_________________

**1981**

  
  
_**“Billy…” Daisy’s eyes grew wide as she took in the sight of Billy Dunne standing in her doorway, covered head to toe in his signature denim.** _

_**“Daisy.” He nodded to her and she moved over as he stepped inside.** _

_**He looked around at the living room, the kitchen, the backyard and the pool. He just stood in the middle of the living room, taking it all in.** _

_**  
“Do you… do you want to sit down?” Daisy saw Camila sitting out in the car and she waved cordially, shutting the door behind her quickly.** _

_**Billy moved to the couch, sitting on the edge and leaning on his elbows.** _

_**“So… this is your place, huh?”** _

_**Daisy fought every urge to scream, “NO, it’s our house”, but she just nodded.** _

_**  
“Not bad.”** _

_**  
They sat there in awkward silence for what felt like forever before Billy spoke.** _

_**  
“So… Camila… she says that you have answers I will probably want to know. I don’t know if I want to know them all right now, but I want to hear you out.”** _

_**Daisy sat there, leaning forward and matching his position as her hands began to shake.** _

_**  
“What… what do you want to know?” Her voice was small.** _

_**“First, do you remember what happened after our Chicago show in ’79? Because for the life of me, I can’t.”** _

_**Daisy pinched her eyes closed as she weighed the pros and cons of honesty or lies.** _

  
_**“I do. I… um… you… well you came…” She exhaled deeply as she ran her hands up and down her face.** _

_**Billy just stared at her as she thought about how to phrase things.** _

_**“We had been… getting close onstage. It frustrated a lot of people, but we didn’t care. It was our little bubble. That night in Chicago… you ended up drinking at a bar, then you came up to my room. We… we pushed our limits before Graham caught us and stopped us from going all the way.” Daisy’s knee began to bounce as she bit her lip and gave him a minute to process her words.** _

_**“That’s not possible. I’m sober. I’ve been sober for a long time. I think…” His confidence faltered as his shoulders slumped.** _

_**Daisy laughed lightly.** _

_**“Yeah, you have been. I’ve been so proud of you. But that night you just… slipped.”** _

_**Billy looked at her with an emotion she couldn't place.** _

_**  
“And I slipped right into your bed, didn’t I?” Billy’s face was now a mix of anger, disgust, and embarrassment.** _

_**Daisy flinched at his words but kept her voice calm.** _

_**“No. You didn’t. We didn’t do anything. Graham made sure of that.”** _

_**Billy nodded as he sat back on the couch.** _

_**“That’s a relief.” He leaned his head back and looked up at the ceiling.** _

_**Daisy felt her whole body tremble as she worked up the courage to ask him a couple of questions.** _

_**“Billy…?” Her voice was barely above a whisper and he had to sit up fully to hear her.** _

_**“What do you remember about me? Like, who am I to you?” Her eyes were begging him to remember. She clasped her hands together to try to hide their shake, and she sat back and crossed her legs, wincing slightly as she did.** _

_**Billy thought for a minute before he said, “I don’t know. I mean, I know you’re Daisy Jones, and I remember that you sing with us sometimes. I also remember that we… we kind of flirted a lot on stage. But I don’t remember anything other than that. But don’t be offended; I didn’t even remember my own kids, so…” It was the first time he had smiled at her since all of this went down.  
  
It was an awkward smile, but it was a smile nonetheless.** _

_**Daisy smiled to herself as she looked down at her dress and pulled down her skirt a little more, making sure it covered her legs entirely.** _

_**“Yeah…it was something like that.”** _

_**Billy raised an eyebrow as he said, “More than that?” the coldness in his voice had dissipated slightly, and Daisy found a little crack in his window. She moved in.** _

_**  
“A lot more than that. We… we fell in love, Billy.”** _

_**  
She moved in too soon.** _

_**  
Billy jumped up, way quicker than he should have, causing him to grab his stomach as he said, “No, no we didn’t. I never saw you like that, Jones. You’re a talented singer and the Six is better because of you, but Camila is who I love. She is my wife…” He looked towards the door, remembering his very unsettling kiss with Camila just two hours ago, and whispered, “at least… I think so. God, I don't know..." He huffed to himself, frustrated.** _

_**He turned back to Daisy and she was standing now too, one arm wrapped around her body as the other one covered her mouth, tears streaming down her face. She felt desperation rising in her and her voice got loud.** _

_**“No. NO! I know I’m supposed to give you time and space to remember all of this, and not push you, but fuck that. I love you, Billy Dunne. And you love me. You wanted to marry me! We planned a life together! You and Camila aren’t even married anymore. In fact…” She knew she should stop. She saw her words overpowering him, weakening him at the knees as he fell back onto the couch, air quickly leaving his lungs.  
  
But she kept going.** _

_**“…in fact, Camila is married to Graham now. We went to their wedding reception. I THREW their wedding reception. And then you made love to me in the desert against a rock. All while I was…” before she could finish, they heard a baby’s wail coming from down the hall, and Daisy spun around towards the sound as Billy’s head shot up and he stood, ice travelling up his spine.** _

_**Simone emerged from the hallway, carrying a fussy Jagger, and she looked apologetically at Daisy.** _

_**“I’m sorry to interrupt, but little man is hungry.”** _

_**Daisy nodded as she moved to take the baby from Simone, Billy’s eyes wide and his face white.** _

_**“Is… is that… is he… is he mine?” Billy felt bile rising quickly in his stomach as he moved closer to Daisy and a screaming Jagger.** _

_**Daisy nodded, tears flowing down her face again.** _

_**Billy bent over, resting his hands on his knees as he let out a long breath and groan.** _

_**“Ohhhh Godddd…” He felt every emotion and reaction hitting him at once.** _

_**In his mind, Camila was his wife, and they had one child. Julia. But everyone was quickly showing him that he didn’t know anything at all. And he knew that if he had put a baby in Daisy Jones, it wasn’t by way of some random back alley hookup.** _

_**He sat back down on the couch and Daisy moved closer to him.** _

_**“Do you…want to hold him?” Her voice was more pleading than she had intended, but her heart was breaking for better and for worse right there.** _

_**Billy hesitated and looked around the room, his eyes landing on Simone who was watching from the kitchen, tears in her eyes as she tried to stay busy.** _

_**He turned back to Daisy who was patting Jagger’s back soothingly while she bounced him.** _

_**He felt a magnetic pull to the little boy in her arms.** _

_**He nodded and held his arms out for him.** _

_**Daisy’s breath hitched as she slowly handed him his son.** _

_**The minute Jagger was in his arms, he quieted. He closed his eyes and calmed right there. His little fists grabbing at Billy’s chest. He was cooing and grunting, and making all of the perfect baby sounds. Billy was overwhelmed. He started crying deeply.** _

_**He looked over at Daisy who was resting her elbows on her knees, and whose own tears had begun to flow rapidly.  
  
He whispered, “He has my hair.”** _

_**Daisy nodded and laughed behind her hand.** _

_**“Yeah, he does. And he has my eyes.”** _

_**As if on cue, Jagger looked up at Billy and gave him the same smile he had given Daisy in the NICU, revealing his tiny dimples and Daisy Jones’ big blue eyes.** _

_**“He has your eyes…” Billy repeated, just above a whisper as he felt tears falling down his cheeks.** _

_**“Hi buddy… I guess I’m your daddy….” His voice was soft, and his heart was growing with love for this new little tiny human in his arms. He didn’t know why, or how, but this felt right, and it felt like he had always known him.** _

_**  
“Did we… had we ever…“ Billy sighed in exasperation. “What’s his name?”** _

_**Daisy cleared her throat as she moved to sit next to him and brushed Jagger’s hair with her fingers softly.** _

_**“Jagger Jacob Dunne.” She gave him a small smile and Billy’s face contorted in confusion.** _

_**“Jacob?”** _

_**Daisy’s face dropped.** _

_**“You don’t remember Jake, do you…”** _

_**Billy’s stopped patting Jagger’s back to think for a second.** _

_**Then it hit him like a flash.** _

_**Him and Graham on a bus with a tall dark-haired guy. Playing guitar with said guy. A stoplight. “Free bird” on the radio. Green light. Truck. Black.** _

  
_**“Jake.” Billy said his name with complete devastation as he felt his heart break, and the reality of a man who had become like a brother to him, dying, hit him.** _

_**His body started to shake, and Daisy stood up to take Jagger from him. Billy handed him back, and the little guy instantly started screaming. Daisy just laughed as she sat and pulled a boob out. Jagger took to it immediately and Billy watched in amazement. It was a beautiful sight.** _

_**He was starting to feel uncomfortable, watching her in such an intimate position, and he needed to get out of there to get some air.** _

_**  
“Well… I think this was… productive. Let’s do it again…sometime.” He stood up cautiously and hesitated.** _

_**  
Daisy looked up and whispered, “Billy… please stay.” Her eyes were begging him to stay with her. To remember. To want her.** _

_**He sighed as he looked at the door.** _

_**“Camila has already been out there a long time. I… I have to go.” He started walking towards the door and stopped with his hand on the handle.** _

_**“I’m sorry I don’t remember. You. Us. Him…” He said softly as he pointed to Jagger.** _

_**“…I’m just not there yet. I don’t know if I’ll ever be. And I… I still love Camila. I don’t know what that all means, or if I’m IN love with her, or what her whole take on all of this is… hell, I don’t even know what’s going on with Graham and Karen right now. I just know… that I don’t know anything. My brain is still pretty busted, but I’m working on it. I hope that I remember. Whatever that means and whatever that looks like. I hope that more than anything.”** _

_**He looked into Daisy’s tear filled eyes before he pointed to Jagger and whispered sadly, “He’s beautiful. I don’t remember the story of how… or when… but thank you. And thank you for naming him after one of the baddest rockstars out there, and my best friend. I… I really appreciate that.”** _

_**The lump in Daisy’s throat made it impossible for her to respond, so she just nodded.** _

_**“Oh, and Daisy… I’ll be in touch. Don’t give up on me, ok?”** _

_**Daisy found her voice, just barely, and looked at him with all sincerity.** _

_**“I won’t give up on you, Billy Dunne. I told you a long time ago that I wasn’t going anywhere and that you could take all the time you needed. I still mean that.”** _

________________

 **Billy** : Everything was crazy. Everyone was telling me all of this new information, and everyone was acting weird around me. Tip toeing around to make sure I was ok and that I didn’t get so thrown for a loop that I ran to the booze or pills to cope. I just wanted the truth, but I wasn’t sure how to get it. 

  
**Rod** : I took Billy away for the weekend. Rented a house on the ocean in Malibu. I knew I needed to help and the only thing I thought I could do was be a sounding board. A completely neutral third party outsider who would tell him the truth without bias. I kept us fed, and we didn’t leave that place until he got all of his questions out. There were only a couple I couldn’t answer, but I helped him work through a lot of things.   
  
**  
Billy** : That weekend at the beach with Rod... it really helped me get back on track.  
  
  
 **Daisy** : Rod. Always and forever our hero.

  
 **Graham** : I was nervous to go back home to Camila. I knew what she was going to say, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear it. I didn’t really care if Billy’s brain was damaged. She was still my wife, and he had given up any right to her in a sexual way. I just couldn’t handle the thought of the two of them rolling around in the sheets together. So… I walked in and told her first thing, “I don’t want to know. I care about it a lot, but I love you more, and it will only hurt our marriage if I know details. So let’s just call it good, ok?”

 **  
Camila** : I didn’t deserve a man like Graham. I still don’t. I tried to tell him that nothing happened, but he wasn’t blind. He saw that kiss. The only difference was, when I kissed Billy… something inside of me clicked. He was not the man for me anymore. And I didn't want him to be. It was like every pain, longing or question I had, washed away and I could see clearly for the first time in two years. I loved Graham. Wholeheartedly. He was my guy and whatever I had had with Billy had been beautiful, but it was done. And I was happy for it. I finally got my closure. 

  
**Daisy** : Billy came by every couple of days or so to see Jagger. He was making an effort. Rod had helped him sort through a lot of things in his mind, and I think some things had come back, but others, he was just taking Rod’s word for and trusting him. Like when it came to me. He had finally realized that he didn’t belong with Camila anymore, and when she showed him their divorce papers, it only solidified that. But he was still fuzzy about me. But I wasn’t going to push, and he was still trying. Even when it was hard. And he was an amazing dad. He and Jagger had a special bond right out of the gate, and I tried not to take it personally that my little one month old, preemie baby, loved his daddy more than me! [laughs] That’s the Billy Dunne effect, I guess. He makes everyone fall in love with him.

  
 **Julia** : That’s true. [laughs]

  
 **Daisy:** He also tried with me in other ways. He brought food over that Rod had cooked, and he would eat dinner with me. He brought me a bouquet of wildflowers because he heard me mention how much I loved them. And… he apologized for all of the horrible things he said to me in the hospital. It meant a lot that he realized and remembered that. He apologized for missing Jagger’s birth too, and I told him that it was ok. That he missed yours too, and I just figured that it was just a firstborn birth tradition for him. His face sunk when I said that though because he had forgotten that. I blew that one.

  
 **Billy** : Daisy and I had never gotten the chance to date before. Not really. When we first officially got together, it was still under tense circumstances, and she walked into a stepmom type role right away. We didn’t have a lot of time to just… learn each other. This was our second chance. I wasn’t super comfortable around her, and at the time I attributed it to not remembering anything. But now looking back, I see what it really was. She made me nervous, in all the best ways. I hadn’t ever really been allowed to be good nervous around her. I had always just been stressed nervous. I was starting to fall for her, again, and knowing that she wasn’t going to give up on me? Well that kept me going.

  
 **Eddie** : We kept you girls a lot longer than we had intended while your dad figured out which chick he was going to be cool with fucking forever, again. His brain and body had been mangled and he had turned into a dick for a while, yet two hot babes still wanted him. Some guys just have all the luck.

  
 **Karen** : Don't listen to him. It was hard to say goodbye to you girls. I had loved our little pretend family. It felt right, and I really, really fell in love with all three of you. Eddie cried when you girls left. Don't tell him I told you that.

  
 **Julia** : We love you too, Aunt Karen. Thank you for all you did for us back then. I still remember it. Even with all of the weed Eddie exposed us to. [laughs as she winks] And I won't have to tell him. It's going to be in the book.

  
 **Eddie** : Karen was a bomb ass mom. I was amazed at her strength and beauty during all of that. But don't tell her I told you that.


	51. Chapter 51

_**Jake Gregory Celebration Of Life** _

_**Los Feliz, California, 1981** _

_**-Rolling Stone Rock Critic Jonah Berg** _

_**In the spring of 1981, the life of lead singer of the up and coming rock band DiVided Jake Gregory (born Jacob Gregory Rodriguez) was honored by his friends in a small ceremony in Los Angeles’ Griffith Park.** _

_**Gregory had lost his life in February of the same year when a drunk driver t-boned the car carrying both him and lead singer of The Six, Billy Dunne. While Gregory died shortly after arriving at Cedars Sanai from internal injuries, Billy Dunne survived only after weeks in a medically induced coma and with severe loss of memory.** _

_**I had covered The Six since their initial formation with singer Daisy Jones prior to their successful, if not tumultuous, Aurora tour. Speculation that the band’s drama grew from on stage to off stage (alluding to the relationship between lead singers Dunne and Jones) grew into Hollywood whispers of a curse...following the death of both Jo Malone (of The Crossfire) and now Jake Gregory.** _

_**The small ceremony was attended only by myself, a cousin of Jake Gregory and his young daughter Jessica, members of DiVided and The Six, singer Simone Jackson and manager of The Six, Rod Reyes.** _

_**Simone Jackson sang a beautiful acapella version of The Beatles’ Blackbird with a soul indicative of Nina Simone. She was particularly emotional during the ceremony, which also included words from DiVided members about Jake’s two greatest passions: music and his daughter Jessica.** _

_**Jessica spent the morning sitting in the grass nearby with Julia Dunne, daughter of Billy and ex-wife Camila Dunne. The two girls made wildflower wreaths as Jake’s memory was honored and, in the day’s most touching display, held hands as they laid them next to the urn that contained his remains.** _

_**In a finale that a rock critic could only dream of, and that seemed to be completely impromptu, Daisy Jones began singing Desperado. And as she did, everyone else in attendance, myself included, joined in. She held the hand of Billy Dunne and eventually the hands of the two young girls as Simone Jackson spread Jake Gregory’s ashes over the cliff overlooking Griffith Park and the Hollywood sign.** _

_**The family and friends in attendance all declined to comment, save the following.** _

_**“Jake was the kind of musician they just don’t make anymore. What happened to him is an unimaginable tragedy and a crushing loss to the rock world. His friends will raise his daughter to know the man he was, and also work protect others from the dangers of drunk driving to honor his memory.” -Karen Sirko** _

_**“The Six will no longer have opening acts on future tours. On and off the record.” -Rod Reyes** _

_**___________________________** _

**Daisy** : Jake’s celebration, all planned by Simone, was exactly what he would have wanted. Simple, meaningful, and beautiful. It was sad but it was also full of hope. I just remember watching you and Jessica playing in the grass and thinking...we will be ok. You girls would be ok and somehow drag the rest of us along with you. 

**Julia** : A few people have mentioned that Simone had wanted to wait until the dust settled with Billy. Did you feel like that had happened?

**Daisy** : I felt like it was happening. Slowly but surely. Your dad worked hard. Sometimes it felt like he was feeling real things and remembering real things, other times it seemed like he was...I don’t know how to explain it...playing the part we all expected him to? He was just fumbling around it but he was getting it right more often than not. During the ceremony for Jake he...he took my hand. I didn’t expect it, but I was getting emotional and he had been standing kind of off to my side and he put his fingers in mine. I looked up at him like I couldn’t believe it and he didn’t look at me, just held my hand. In that soft sweet way your dad can. You know?

**Julia** : I do.

**Daisy** : As we were leaving he asked if I would drive him back to my house. He had come with Graham, he still couldn’t drive. I told him of course. You had been literally clinging to his leg. and I remember he lifted you up and was holding you as he asked. You were almost too big to be held at that point but he still loved holding you. Even all banged up when he shouldn't have been. You giggled when he asked to go with me. [She smiles] And you took his face and teased him for loving me. He smiled at you and was still smiling as he looked at me. 

**Billy** : I do remember. I remember you telling me you were laughing because OF COURSE I loved Daisy Jones. And at that point I don’t know that I was sure I was supposed to, but you seemed pretty sure. So I asked you who YOU loved, fully expecting your answer to be...well, me, of course.

**Daisy** : You told him you loved Jessica Rodriguez. [She smiles.] You said “I love Jessica Rodriguez the way you love Daisy Jones.” We both laughed as you kissed him and then toddled off with Eddie. 

**Eddie** : Yeah, I heard the whole thing. You were pretty damn cute. Think I made a joke about you being into chicks. Which, under other circumstances obviously would have done it for me.

**Julia** : You did not.

**Eddie** : Ok, you’re probably right.

_____________________

_**1981** _

_**Daisy and Billy loaded into her convertible and drove down the winding roads through Los Feliz and towards the strip, taking Sunset all the way out to the Pacific Coast Highway. It was the long way, but it was the beautiful way. And that was the way Daisy loved most.** _

_**They drove quietly in silence for awhile. Daisy could sense Billy’s hands on the console between them and thought he may want her hand but he never took it.** _

_**“How are you feeling?” She finally asked.** _

_**“I feel ok. How are you feeling?” He asked, turning to her, smiling as her long auburn hair whipped around her face.** _

_**“I feel ok.” She smiled and paused, then continued, “Jagger will be glad to see you.”** _

_**He smiled back at her, then reached into his pocket. He pulled out a folded white piece of paper with writing on it. She could eye that it was a song.** _

_**“You writing again??” She asked excitedly, and altogether surprised. He shook his head no.** _

_**“Nah. I found this in a journal. It’s not my handwriting.” He ran his fingers over it and Daisy eyed it as well. He read some of the words out loud to her:** _

_**When you play, I feel whole** _

_**I get back all that the world had stole** _

_**I wanna live to watch you grow** _

_**And learn much more than I could know** _

_**“Jake.” Daisy said. She recognized it right away as the song that Jake had written for his daughter Jessica, and the mention of it choked them both up.** _

_**“You and he were working on recording it. He wrote it about the girls. I think he started it the day you went sledding. Do you remember that?” She spoke softly, trying to kick start something in him. He closed his eyes and the wind whipped his longer than usual hair around the top of his head as she eyed him sideways.** _

_**“It was cold, but not too cold. The girls. The...the twins were there but they didn’t stay long. But Jake and the older girls and me...we stayed out til dark. Julia rode on my back....”** _

_**Daisy was smiling to herself as he relived one of her favorite days...for the first time.** _

_**“That’s right, Billy. That’s exactly right. Keep going....”** _

_**He inhaled and kept describing.** _

_**“We came in and all stripped down and sat by the....”** _

_**He stopped and opened his eyes, like he could see something in the distance.** _

_**“Daisy...” he whispered. He couldn’t make himself say anything else out loud for a moment. She hung on his breath as the car pulled to a stop at La Cienega and he turned to her.** _

_**“You told me not to touch you because my hands were so cold. But I did it anyway. I sat with you on the couch and you gave me some of your hot chocolate and you were...”** _

_**Daisy wiped her cheek.** _

_**“I was pregnant. God, I was so pregnant.” she laughed uneasily.** _

_**“Jagger.” he said quietly.** _

_**“Yes. With Jagger.” She affirmed his thoughts as the car behind them honked for them to go and Billy slunk into his passenger seat, rubbing his face with his hand.** _

_**“Daisy...when is this gonna stop.” His voice was full of anguish and she rested her hand on his knee. He put one of his down on it.** _

_**“We will get there, Billy. Don’t give up on yourself. You’ve been through a lot.”** _

_**“So have you,” he answered back before looking at her, “I’m sorry about that.”** _

_**Daisy drove him back to Venice Beach in silence, but holding his hand on his lap the entire ride.** _

_**______________________** _

**Billy** : I hadn’t been cleared to drive but the truth was, I didn’t want to drive. Rod had me out a lot to stay with him and a few times I would sit in the Swinger, it was at his house, and I just couldn’t make myself want to drive it. That took a long, long time.

**Daisy** : I drove him back to the house and Jagger was asleep. We watched him sleep, and I saw Billy looking at him differently. Like for the first time he had his own memories of me being pregnant with him...not just the rest of us asking him to remember. He remembered me pregnant with his son. That was worth something.

**Camila** : I had stayed at the pink house with Jagger and the twins. They swam. I held that tiny little guy and just stared at him. God, he reminded me of you, Julia. A blue eyed Julia. Gorgeous. Of all you kids, only you and Jagger have those dimples. Knockouts.

**Julia** : Stop it.

**Camila** : ...but you’re asking me to stop. Jagger would want me to keep going on about how gorgeous he is. [We laugh. Because it is so true.]

**Daisy** : Billy and I went out to the studio. I wanted to find the tape of Jake’s Song. They never titled it and later Billy decided that no one should title someone else’s song. So that’s why Jake’s Song stuck. I found the tape.

**Billy** : She played this tape. This great melody. The words I had been reading over and over. Jake sang lead vocals, Graham and I filled in harmonies. Daisy asked if we should put it on an album. I told her no. That that song wasn’t meant for any album. It was meant for something bigger than that. She tucked it away. We both knew what it was at that point. That it would be put into the vault until the time was right.

**Julia** : Thank you. That was the right call.

**Billy** : I know. [He smiles.] I didn’t do a whole lot right, but that was one of those rare times.

**Daisy** : We sat in the studio. He hadn’t been out there much. In fact that was probably the longest he had gone without playing or singing since I had met him. We sat at the piano and I was tinkering around. I started to play “Only You.” We we’re sitting in the same spot where we had written it. Fully clothed, of course, but still. I started playing and he was just watching my hands. I sang, “Black clouds that turn to blue/ my arms forever holding you...”

**Billy** : I didn’t even realize I knew this fucking song but as she sang I just finished the lyric, “I’ll never say goodbye again/ if you’ll let me begin again…” She looked at me like she had seen a ghost.

**Daisy** : The color left his face, like, neither of us could believe it. It just came back. He asked me if I wanted to go for a drive. In this sweet little nervous voice.

**Billy** : She said she had a better idea.

_ _ **_______________________**_

_**1981** _

_**Daisy took Billy by the hand and out into the yard between the house and the studio, walking him towards the RV that they kept parked in the driveway by the poolhouse. She unlocked it and pulled him into it. If there was a place that was full of memories, that would be it. She pulled the door closed and watched him take it all in. He paced the length of it, smelling candles that were there, eyeing finger paintings that hung on the wall, tugging on the Christmas lights that were strung around the perimeter.** _

_**“This is your other baby, Billy Dunne.” Daisy smiled nervously.** _

_**“I bought it in Pittsburgh for $500 bucks on the side of the road. Daisy....” he turned to her, “I remember...”** _

_**She smiled and put her hands over her mouth. That was as specific a memory as she had heard him recount.** _

_**“You make tea in here. That kind that smells bad but tastes good...and...Julia loves that we can put our feet on the ceiling....and....”** _

_**His eyes fell on the bed and then rose to her. He remembered that, even though she had promised him that Graham had kept them from making love the night they were in Chicago...he had, in fact, made love to her for the first time in the bed they were both standing at the foot of. He reached for both of her hands and she took his willingly.** _

_**“God. Daisy Jones. Is this real? Like...this is us?” He was smiling in a strange sort of bewilderment. She giggled at him.** _

_**“Billy Dunne, this is us.”** _

_**“And...we have a baby. Together. Are we...married?” His eyebrow cocked and Daisy felt a strange cocktail of excitement and disappointment.** _

_**“No. We aren’t married. You’re a single man so if you need to cut and run now's your chance....”** _

_**“Why would I not ask you to marry me...”** _

_**Daisy gulped slightly.** _

_**“You....did. I might have said no....”** _

_**She felt him pulling his hands from her like maybe he had misread the situation. She stopped him and held them tighter, closing the space between them.** _

_**“No, baby, no. I should have said yes. I would have said yes. I...would say yes.”** _

_**Her voice shook and he studied her face.** _

_**“It feels a little soon....” he whispered, smiling.** _

_**“Not to me, it doesn’t.” She teased.** _

_**“I mean we have that boy in there together...so you must like me at least a little bit right....”** _

_**Billy closed the remaining space between them.** _

_**“I like a lot of things about you, Billy Dunne.” Daisy was breathless as he placed his forehead on hers.** _

_**“Goddamnit, woman. I’m afraid that this is just all in my head. Tell me it’s not all in my head.”** _

_**“I love you Billy. And you love me. You loved me since the moment you saw me. We just....had to wait to really find each other.”** _

_**“I do love you.”** _

_**She reached up and kissed his lips softly, her eyes wide open and studying him. He watched her back and then pressed his lips firmly into hers. They started kissing each other in a slow and steady rhythm, their mouths hanging open just breathing each other in, before one of the both of them would gently dip a tongue into the other or pull the skin of the other’s lips into their teeth. Daisy felt him growing in his jeans and she rolled her hips against it.** _

_**“Billy I have missed you so much.....” she felt her face hot with tears and he wiped them neatly with his thumbs still breathing against her mouth, tasting her.** _

_**“I want to make love to you.” his voice was dripping into her mouth and it shook every nerve in her body. She rolled against his heat and knew he meant it. She pulled her mouth from him and pressed against his cheek, leaving them both breathless.** _

_**“Billy I want you inside me so badly but...I just....”** _

_**He pulled from her, panting and confused.** _

_**“I’m still so sore. And it’s been so long. I don’t think I should yet.”** _

_**He nodded knowingly, but laid her back against the quilt on the bed anyway. She whined his name in protest. He hushed her. She laid back on the bed and let her eyes close as she felt his hands moving up her thighs, pushing her black midi dress up to her waist, revealing her small white underwear. He slipped his thumbs into the elastic and pulled them down. In a move completely unlike her, she pushed her thighs together as he undressed her. She was wet for him, but terrified of what it might actually look like.** _

_**She had been wearing boots and he deftly pulled one and then the other off, so he could get her panties down off her legs. He leaned up over her, undoing the top two buttons on his shirt as he did.** _

_**“It’s fucking hot in here...” he moaned.** _

_**“Well maybe if you didn’t insist on wearing long sleeve button downs no matter the temperature....” she helped him undo the rest of it and it hung open on his chest. She hadn’t seen it since the hospital and she let a gasp escape her.** _

_**“Billy....” she ran her fingers over his chest, palming his scars there.** _

_**“You’re still a single woman, Jones. So if you want to cut and run....” he teased her and she leaned up and stopped him with a kiss. He was running his hand down her belly to her clamped thighs.** _

_**“Baby....” he purred and she rubbed her thighs together.** _

_**“Billy I’m a mess down there.”** _

_**“I’m a mess up here. If it makes you feel better, I don’t remember what it looked like before...”** _

_**She elbowed him as he smiled wide, a devilish Billy Dunne grin that covered his face as he slid down over her, pulling his shirt off. He gently spread her thighs with his hands and she resisted only at first before shivering as his breath chilled her damp pussy.** _

_**“Billy....” she gasped. He moaned her name as he closed his face between her thighs.** _

_**He moved gently and softly, aware of the swollen flesh and tiny stitch that he knew were still sore.** _

_**“Just tell me if you need me to stop...ok?”** _

_**He spoke to her from between her trembling thighs and she bit her lip as she nodded yes, already rolling her nipples in her hands through her dress.** _

_**Billy kissed her softly, starting at her tender flesh and gently making his way towards her center. He pulled lightly at her lips and opened her to his tongue, pushing just the tip of it against her pink opening until she screamed out. He pressed two fingers against her clit and rolled it in tiny circles as he felt her body already contracting in small pulses around him. He licked and sucked at her so gently that she could hardly breathe. He pushed his tongue inside of her wanting body and then removed it, sucking and tasting her, moving his fingers faster on her clit and unwilling to put anything harder than the tip of his tongue in to her. Not yet. He softly made love to her with his mouth in a way that all at once healed her body and asked it’s forgiveness. She was starting to buck at him and he could tell that movement was uneasy for her, even if it was involuntary. He pulled his tongue from her opening and kissed her thighs and belly to clean his mouth as he rose to her side, his fingers still gently circling her...gliding easily over her slick cream. She curled easily into his side as he gently brought her to an excruciatingly needy orgasm. She rocked and convulsed in his arms as he held her, lightly fingering the swollen knob under this fingertips and whispering her name as she she let her eyes roll back into her head as she shook and pulsed. He ran his finger over her slit and caught her orgasm on his fingertips before running it back over her most sensitive spot. She practically seized in his grip, pulling into his chest and finally forcing her eyes open to look at him.** _

_**“I love you....” he whispered earnestly, “I remember you, babygirl.”** _

_**She came down off of her orgasm and clamped her thighs around his tenderly moving fingers until they came to a stop.** _

_**They fell asleep for an hour before the sound of their crying baby from the house woke them.** _

_**____________________** _

**Camila** : I saw them head from the studio to the RV and I knew Daisy was giving him a tour of his life. She had him gently by the hand and I could see him looking at her and I knew he was coming back to her. I held Jagger and smiled thinking about what that meant for him. He deserved your dad the same way you girls did. And he got that, he finally got that. 

**Julia** : Did he give you baby fever?

**Camila** : Baby fever?!? Julia, it was in the air everywhere you turned. Jagger definitely made me wonder if more babies were in the cards. And I knew Graham wanted babies of his own. 

**Graham** : I felt like I was sitting around waiting for Billy to get better so I could get on with my life. It wasn’t the first time. But I will tell you what...it was the last. There was some real closure in those weeks. It was good for your mom. It was good for Billy and it was good for me. I was ready to be able to just...be us. As soon as the dust settled I knew I wanted to move. I didn’t want to be living in the house my brother bought anymore. I wasn’t gonna raise my kids under his roof. It wasn’t personal. It was just something I had to do.

**Daisy** : Billy came back to me that day. The day of Jake’s service. It wasn’t like a Hollywood ending where all of the sudden we were fine. We fought about strange things. Relived some old fights that he had forgotten we had already resolved. Don’t get me started on the lyrics to Honeycomb. [She smiles] But it was WE. WE did it. He moved back in and we became a family, he and Jagger and me. It was...it was everything I wanted.

**Billy** : it was hard, to think about what I had put her through. What I continued to put her through. But she wasn’t giving up on me so I didn’t either. We fell back in love with each other in a way that wasn’t clouded. And somehow, she still loved me in spite of all the bullshit.

**Simone** : I wasn’t feeling great. I remember leaving Jake’s service and driving back with Rod. We sat at his place and had a glass of wine. He hadn’t been feeling well, I was feeling like shit. But he just laughed at the fact that we had to hide away and drink to solve our own problems without The Six.

**Rod** : I told that woman that the truth was...life was too boring for me without those kids. My kids. Everyone was having babies and settling down, and I realized...they were my kids. The Six. All of them. Always will be. 

**Karen** : Billy called and asked if we could bring the Julia over to swim. He sounded like himself. He asked if I knew a way to get a hold of Jessica. He wanted to get everyone together. He said that Susana and Maria were already swimming. I don’t think he had even said their names until that point really. Maybe he did.

**Eddie** : I had made it a point to make sure the girls didn’t forget him. I told them all these stories. About what a fucking prick their dad could be, how if they ever drew him a picture he would probably give it back to them with his edits and suggestions. Oh. And that he was a lot more fun when he drank. 

**Karen** : Eddie....

**Eddie** : [Laughing] Ok maybe I didn’t say the drunk part but the rest was true. I could have written them a book about all the ass their dad used to get. With pictures! [He pauses] Ok, ok. 

**Camila** : Jagger woke up in my arms as the twins swam and minutes later your dad and Daisy appeared from the RV. Looking like...well. And it didn’t bother me. I smiled at how little it bothered me. Daisy made her way to me and took Jagger to nurse. She was an expert. She sat with me in the shade and we both screamed as we watched your dad, fully dressed, dive into the pool to the delight of the twins. 

**Daisy** : He came up for air and spit water at Susana as Maria climbed on his back. Camila was shouting at him “Billy your stitches! Maria you’ll drown him!” but I just sat back and nursed my little man while my big man came back to life right in front of my eyes. 

......

And it was perfect.


	52. Chapter 52

**Rod** : Simone was getting sicker and sicker. She was losing weight, vomiting constantly, living on saltines and water before that would all come out too… she was going through it. Being me, and going through everything our crew had gone through over the past few years, I thought the worst. I was convinced she was dying and I tried to get her to go to the doctor, but she refused.

  
 **Simone** : He wouldn’t listen when I told him it was probably just a bug or the flu. That man… always dramatic. Thank God for Frank. He was the steady one when it came to all of us because he wasn’t as emotionally attached. That’s why, when HE got concerned, I got concerned, and finally went to the doctor. 

  
**Daisy** : I really wish she would have called me. I know she was trying to give us space. Trying to let us find our new normal and get back into the groove of things, but I would have been there with her if I had known. 

  
**Rod** : Of course I went with her. There was no way she was going to find out she had a brain tumor or something, all by herself. I was prepared for the worst.

  
 **Simone** : I remember, the doctor walked in and sat down, looking over my chart and bloodwork, a serious look on his face. My heart was racing and I grabbed Rod’s hand as we braced for bad news.

_____________

**April, 1981**

  
_**“Well, Miss Jackson, congratulations. You’re fourteen weeks pregnant.” Doctor Fisher looked up from Simone's paperwork and bloodwork and gave her a big smile.** _

_**Simone and Rod froze.** _

_**“What? Pregnant? How?”** _

_**The doctor chuckled before making a joke.** _

_**“Well, when two people love each other…”** _

_**Rod laughed as Simone just stared.** _

_**“I know that… but seriously. How? I haven’t even been with anyone since…”** _

_**Jake.** _

_**The image of them strolling through London and going back to her hotel room flooded her mind... and every time after that. Specifically, their pre-valentine's day celebration before his accident.** _

_**Rod’s face dropped as he whispered, “Oh my God.”** _

_**Simone covered her mouth with her hand before she spoke again.** _

_**“Are you… are you sure? We… we used protection. It’s not possible. Plus, I’m really sick, doc. And I’m LOSING weight… that seems all wrong…”** _

_**Doctor Fisher sighed and nodded as he pulled his stool closer to her.** _

_**“Yes, I’m very sure. Birth control is only 92% effective. You are just one of the lucky ones.” He smiled, but her face was still flushed.** _

_**He cleared his throat as he continued.** _

_**“You are so sick because you have something called ‘hyperemesis gravidarum’. It is not uncommon for women to get, but we are still learning what all is involved with it. For now, the best way to describe it is an intense morning, to all day, sickness that needs to be monitored closely. We will get you on some supplements and you should hopefully be right as rain in about eight weeks or so.”** _

  
_**Rod’s eyes got wide.** _

_**“Eight weeks? That seems like such a long time. She’d be… twenty-two weeks by then. This is normal?”** _

_**Dr. Fisher nodded.** _

_**“It’s not uncommon, and unfortunately, it could last longer than twenty weeks. But we’ll believe the best. Now, I know I have been assuming a lot here, so two more questions. Are you the father?” Dr. Fisher looked at Rod who was looking at Simone, rubbing her back. He looked back at the doctor and let out a belly laugh.** _

_**“Afraid not, doc. But wouldn’t that be something…” He looked at Simone and winked at her as she continued to process everything that was happening.** _

_**“The father… he… um… he passed away about two months ago.” Simone felt the tears rising as she thought about Jake. What they could have been. What they never got to be. How she wanted more than anything for him to be here with her.** _

_**Dr. Fisher gave her an empathetic smile.** _

_**“I’m so sorry for your loss. My dear wife… she passed in February as well. May I hug you?”** _

_**Simone nodded, surprised at the older gentleman’s sincerity and gentleness.** _

_**He gave her a hug before pulling away and saying, “You’re going to do great, momma. And he will be with you always, in the eyes of your baby.”** _

_**Simone nodded as she blinked back tears.** _

_**Dr. Fisher cleared his throat and said, “Well, by that reaction, I’m going to assume I don’t need to ask the second question, but I will, just in case. Do you want to keep this baby, or would you like to discuss options?”** _

_**Simone put her hand on her stomach and without hesitating said, “Absolutely. I couldn’t imagine it any other way. Yes, I want her.”** _

_**Rod and Dr. Fisher laughed collectively and said, “Her?” in unison.** _

_**Simone smiled like it was obvious.** _

_**“Yes, her. I know any baby of mine is going to come out singing at the top of her lungs in heels. So yeah, I’m pretty sure it’s a girl.”** _

_**Rod laughed and said, “Hey… I wouldn’t mind having a baby Freddie Mercury around either so…”** _

_**Simone threw her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek.** _

_**“Ok fine…it can be a he.”** _

___________________

  
 **Billy** : Simone didn’t even tell us. Rod told us. But in her defense, she felt like death most of the time, so… we understood. But man, when we heard the news, it felt like we were all getting a little part of Jake back. It was a really special moment. 

**  
Daisy** : I just wanted to go be there for her like she had been there for me so many times. But that hyperemesis was a real beast. She was in bed most of the time and throwing up the rest. She didn’t want visitors, and she didn’t need us to bring her food or anything because she was living with Rod and Frank, so she had endless amounts of whatever food she could keep down from Rod, and constant entertainment from Frank. But I missed her. She was supposed to be back in Europe already, but when she thought she had the flu, Rod convinced her to stay. Now she was stuck here, and I couldn’t even be around her. I hated it.

  
 **Billy** : It made Daisy so sad to be away from Simone. Especially knowing she was pregnant. She literally made a poster board wall calendar counting down the days until Simone hit twenty weeks and hopefully felt well enough for company. She also made me go to Rod’s house and sit outside of Simone’s window, serenading her for hours. I acted like it was an inconvenience, but I loved it. I loved playing and singing with Daisy any time, but I loved watching her love other people. That woman loves deeply. It’s a beautiful thing.

  
 **Simone** : That meant the world to me, hearing my best friend outside my window, singing me and baby girl songs.

  
 **Julia** : [smiles] So it was a girl…

  
 **Simone** : Of course! A momma always knows. 

  
**Graham** : House hunting went surprisingly well. We needed to stay close to you girls in Venice, so we found a gorgeous house in Santa Monica. We were ten minutes away and it made life a lot easier. And it was ours. I felt like I could finally breathe. Like we could start fresh. I hadn’t realized just how much I needed that… we needed that… until they handed me the keys. 

  
**Camila** : It was a huge sigh of relief. I could leave all of Billy, and the past that we shared, behind. I could also make new memories with Graham, and just Graham… in every room of that house. [winks]

  
 **Julia** : Mother…

  
 **Camila** : Oh come on, Julia. By now, you should be well aware of the fact that all four of your parents are very sexual beings. 

  
**Julia** : Mom…

  
 **Camila** : [laughs] Ok, sorry. But I will just say that our carpet was way more comfortable in the Santa Monica house, than our last house.

  
 **Simone** : Twenty weeks hit, and I still felt like shit. Not as bad, but still not great. Daisy was disappointed. But she was so understanding. Thankfully, by twenty-four weeks, I was all good. I’m glad too, because I really wanted to start connecting more with Jessica. I wanted her to know her little sister, and me as well. Michelle was very amazing. She was thrilled for me too. She said it felt like a little part of her cousin was coming back to her, and that I had given her family the world. It was nice to feel like I had another family to care about me. Michelle brought Jessica to visit me a lot when I felt better, and that little girl and I hit it off like peanut butter and jelly. She is an absolute sweetheart. Well, you know that.

  
 **Julia** : Yes, I definitely do. [smiles]

  
 **Jessica** : My aunt Michelle did a superb job of shielding me from the devastation of my dad being gone, all while honoring him and his memory too. I was only six, but I remember the hardest part about losing my dad, was moving away from my best friend. It was hard not seeing you every day, Jules. I missed my dad, a lot. I still do. But I had so much family around to keep him alive in me. There wasn’t anyone there to keep my Julia tank filled.

  
 **Camila** : Your birthday was coming up at the end of July, Simone was finally feeling better, and Jagger was a perfectly happy and healthy five month old little boy, who adored his big sisters. Daisy and I started working on your birthday party; working hard to make it perfect. This big bash to celebrate you turning eight. You had been through so much thanks to all of us, so it was important to all of us to make you feel extra special. You were obsessed with Cher, so Daisy was pulling every string she had to not only make this the bash of the year, but to actually GET Cher to come to your party. I remember she asked you what you would think if Cher showed up at your house, and we were all expecting you to freak out and scream… but you just shrugged. You had the saddest look on your face and Billy scooped you up and sat you on his knee and said, “You don’t want Cher to come to your party, baby?”, and you… started crying.

  
 **Billy** : I have never done well when women cry around me, or because of me, but it is next level panic when your little girl starts crying in your lap.

  
 **Daisy:** He was so gentle with you. He let you cry and then Graham asked you so sweetly, “well, who would you want to come to your party if you could have anyone at all come?” [pauses as she thinks back and smiles sweetly] Do you remember what you said?

  
 **Julia** : Jessica.  
  
  
 **Camila:** That’s right. Jessica. Not one of the biggest names in music, but your best friend. We were all blown away. 

  
**Eddie** : I don’t know how they didn’t see it back then.

  
 **Daisy** : I called Simone right away, who called Michelle, who agreed to help us pull off the surprise. She was really excited because Jessica had apparently been asking about you nonstop too. She still does that. Sometimes I’ll leave from these interviews with you, and have seven text messages waiting, just asking how you’re doing, how everything went, if I think you are hungry… all the things. 

  
**Julia** : [blushes and smiles] Sorry.

  
 **Daisy** : Never apologize for having someone love you. It’s a beautiful thing, Sweetheart.

  
 **Camila** : The day of your party, you were excited, but bummed all at the same time. Daisy had bought you this ridiculously adorable Cher-esque body suit, and you wore that from sunup to sundown on your birthday. We had to force you to take it off, but that was such a great day. We had told Michelle to come right before you blew out your candles, which we had planned to do around 4pm. I had butterflies in my stomach!

  
 **Daisy** : It was HARD to keep that secret, and to keep Jessica out of sight. It’s not easy explaining to a six year old why she can’t be out in the backyard with all of her friends, swimming in the pool and doing all of the fun things. They got there early but thankfully we only had to keep her occupied for a half hour.

  
 **Billy** : It was perfect. The look on your face… we were all singing happy birthday, and when we were done, Camila said, “close your eyes and make a wish, baby girl!”, and you did, and when you opened them, Jessica was standing right in front of the cake. 

  
**Graham** : We finally got our much anticipated scream from you, and you leapt over that table and flew at Jessica, smashing the cake and knocking the table over in the process! 

  
**Daisy** : You hugged her so tight. It was like the world stopped, even though you were only eight. You have always been an old soul, my dear, and you knew so much. About life, about maturity, about love. It's been beautiful to watch for all these years. THEN…

  
 **Camila** : I didn’t know Cher was coming to the house. No one had told me that it was actually going to happen. But while you were busy hugging Jess, the music for “Holdin’ Out For Love” kicked in, and out walked Cher. Through Daisy’s back slider. At an eight year old’s birthday party. She walked out like she was on a stage in Las Vegas, dressed to the nines, singing her heart out. It’s probably not the song I would have chosen for a child’s birthday party, but then again… Cher wasn’t exactly a children’s birthday party artist. You screamed, again, and ran right over to her, wrapping your arms around her waist. You have never been star struck in your life. It was incredible.

  
 **Daisy** : I hadn’t told anyone about Cher because I didn’t know if she was coming or not until the day of. Rod helped me tremendously and he coordinated with her people. I will say, that I think it helped that she was a huge Billy Dunne fan.

  
 **Jessica:** That was the best day ever. Seriously. Does it get any better than you, cake and Cher?

  
 **Eddie** : Cher wasn’t really my glass of whiskey, but it was pretty cool to see you geek out. I, however, had been eyeing that cake all day and probably swore a little too loud in a yard full of seven-year olds, when you knocked it over. I was glad that your mom is the badass that she is, because she totally anticipated it and had two identical backup cakes, just in case something happened. Karen and I got to take one home. It tasted even better when I ate it off of her. 

  
**Karen** : Out of all the things I’ve done in my life, lighting up a joint and swimming in a pool at midnight with Cher has to be at the top of my pinch me list. That’s a story I would tell my Grandkids… or I guess… your kids, now. 

  
**Julia** : I’m so glad they have you, and that you’re their godmother. I could not imagine anyone else besides you and Eddie who would be right for the job.

  
 **Eddie:** Lilly and Kyle are the shit. Coolest kids ever.

  
 **Simone** : Michelle and I really got to know each other every time she would bring Jessica to visit. We hung out together at your party and we just… talked about Jake. It was so good for both of us and I think she needed to be around me and my growing belly. She said she felt close to him when she would touch my stomach and I loved getting to know more about him. I knew what she meant… it felt like he was close whenever I would hug Jessica or sit with Michelle. Daisy will always be my best friend, soul sister. But it was nice to have a friend who wasn’t a part of the whole music business and drama that came with it. It never felt like we got enough time together, so when you and Jessica pleaded for Jessica to spend the night at the big pink house, it was a no brainer. So much red wine was consumed… by her.  
But I made up for it by drinking way too many mugs of hot chocolate. 

**  
Camila** : I wanted to take you girls back to our house, but you both wanted to stay in the big pink house. Daisy said it was fine and Billy joked that he and J.J. would have their first guy’s night in the studio. So, we let you. It was your birthday, after all. It really worked out for everyone. I got some one on one time with the twins, Daisy got some sweet time with you girls… and Billy did who knows what.

  
 **Billy** : I know Camila thought I was joking, but I totally took Jagger’s playpen out to the studio, and you bet your ass we had a guy’s night. We toasted to Daisy and clinked our milk cup and bottle together. I also played him all the good vinyl… specifically the Stones. Had to get him used to his namesake.

  
 **Daisy** : I heard those baby giggles echoing through the air and it made my heart sing. I couldn’t have imagined my life would ever be so great, but it was a dream come true. I didn’t know how it could get any better, but then… after Jessica had fallen asleep, you crawled into my lap in the living room and laid your head against my shoulder and you… you whispered one of your most precious secrets to me.

_____________

**July 25th, 1981**

  
_**“Hey sweet girl! What are you doing up?”** _

_**Daisy put her magazine down on the coffee table as she opened her arms to Julia and helped the little girl climb onto her lap.** _

_**“I’m not tired.” Julia smiled as she leaned back against Daisy’s stomach, her head resting on her shoulder.** _

_**Daisy wrapped her arms around the front of the young girl and kissed the back of her head.** _

_**“Did you have a good day?”** _

_**Julia nodded against her as she played with the bangle on Daisy’s arm.** _

_**“Annnd, what was your favorite part?” Daisy whispered into her hair.** _

_**Julia was quiet before she whispered, “Seeing Jessica.”** _

_**Daisy smiled.** _

_**“You really love her, don’t you?”** _

_**Julia nodded again.** _

_**“Aww, well, it’s so good to have a best friend. They are the ones who will be there when you graduate from college, fall in love with a handsome man, get married, have your babies…” Daisy was rocking Julia back and forth as she felt the young girl start to tremble under her.** _

_**Julia sat up and turned to Daisy, looking way older than her eight years, and with tears in her eyes she said, “I don’t want to marry a man someday. I want to marry Jessica.”** _

_**Daisy felt her heart stop and her breath hitch as she took in the girl’s words.** _

_**She was only eight, and Jessica was only six, almost seven, but Daisy knew that Julia was a lot older than the number of years she had been alive, reflected.  
  
She had been around adults – rockers on top of it – her whole life. She knew a lot more than other kids her age did. But this wasn’t something she had really been exposed to, next to Rod. ** _

_**So, that’s when Daisy knew in her heart… this was real. It wasn’t just something Julia was imitating, and she needed to take it seriously.** _

_**Daisy turned Julia so that she was face to face with her and wiped a tear that was slipping down the little girl’s face.** _

_**“Julia Dunne, you can love and marry whoever you want to in this lifetime. It doesn’t matter what they look like, where they come from, or what anyone else thinks. You follow your heart, baby girl, and love fiercely. Whether it ends up being Jessica, or someone else down the road, just follow your heart. It will never steer you wrong. And you know what? Jessica would be the luckiest girl in the world to marry you.”** _

_**Julia’s face lit up as she threw her arms around Daisy’s neck, giving her a sloppy kiss on her cheek.** _

_**“Thanks, Daisy Jones…”** _

_**“You’re welcome, Julia Dunne…” Daisy scrunched her nose and gave Julia an eskimo kiss.** _

_**Julia hopped off of her lap and ran towards the hallway, back to her room. She stopped in her tracks and spun to look back at Daisy.** _

_**“Don’t tell anyone, ok?” Fear spread across her face and it broke Daisy’s heart.** _

_**“Your secret is safe with me, angel. I won’t say a word.”** _

_________________________

 **Daisy** : I will forever be honored that you trusted me with that secret. Then… and when you talked to me again at fifteen. You are such a beautiful woman, Jules. And I am so happy I got to know you – the real you, from the beginning. 

  
**Julia** : I will never be able to say thank you enough, Daisy Jones. You let me be me and never even flinched. You didn’t brush me off because I was young, and you made me feel like I was normal. I wish every kid in my position could have a Daisy in their life. You are one of a kind and a gift to this world. I love you so much. You know that, right?

  
 **Daisy:** [smiles with tears in her eyes] I do. And I love you too, baby girl.


	53. Chapter 53

**Graham** : Growing up, there weren’t too many things I would say were traditions in our family. It was just mom and us boys so nothing was ever a big deal. Except mischief night. It was this big deal on the east coast where the night before Halloween basically all bets were off. Kids would run wild, breaking shit...driving like maniacs, vandalizing. And the cops just kinda let it go. And I’ll tell you what...Billy and I never missed a year. My senior year of high school we stole a car. Actually stole a car.  
  
 **Billy** : It was a cop car. Did he leave that out? We hopped into it, drove it with some friends, and parked it right in someone’s yard. That was just the shit you did.  
  
 **Graham** : One year this girl we were hanging out with dared Billy to pick a random house, ring the door bell and kiss whoever answered it. [He laughs] It was this broad that had to be like 60. Billy went right ahead and made out with her. Probably the most action she had seen in decades...and then she pulled him right in the house.  
  
 **Billy** : She gave me this bag of candy like I was there trick or treating. I don’t know how we survived. [He laughs] But...if Camila was all about a Christmas, Graham and I were all about Halloween.  
  
 **Graham** : When we bought the house in Santa Monica I had two concerns. What kind of trick or treat action were we gonna get...and was Billy gonna let me throw the Halloween Party.  
  
 **Billy** : We flipped for it. I won.  
  
 **Graham** : Of course he won.  
  
 **Billy** : We did a big bonfire in the yard in Venice Beach the night before...and Graham had a big party on Halloween night. It was a win win.  
  
 **Graham** : He said it was win win? Sure. [He smiles]  
  
 **Camila** : Oh my God you would think the world would come to an end with Halloween. They had always been like that. And not even like the normal things...costumes and candy...but just the energy I think. They used to always play little shows on Halloween when they first started, when I was first around, and then it was big parties with drugs and booze...and then...[She laughs] well let’s just say it was the least rock and roll thing you’ve ever seen.  
  
 **Eddie** : Listen I loved you guys. But I wasn’t spending my Halloween getting my face painted by a five year old. Karen and I hit the strip dressed like Andy Warhol and Twiggy. She looked hot as hell.  
  
 **Daisy** : Billy wanted to throw this big elaborate party and I kept asking who he wanted to have and he finally just said...just us. Our family. Your mom, Graham, Simone, Rod, Warren and Lisa. And of course...all of the kids. And it was...well it was fun to say the least. But it was not rock and roll. Eddie wouldn't come.  
  
 **Billy** : It wasn’t Halloween so much as just fall. Just the cool nights, especially in LA. We all hung by the fire, played tunes. Roasted hot dogs for you kids. Simone was like a million months pregnant and she just sat by the pool with Jagger most of the night. It was super chill and super great.  
  
 **Graham** : It was alright. I mean they had a pool. But I was already scheming how to decorate our house the next night and I couldn’t wait to take you girls out. We had you with us that night because it might as well have been Christmas Eve. Jessica, too. You remember your costume that year??  
  
 **Julia** : I get them all jumbled.  
  
 **Graham** : The Twins from The Shining. It was epic. Your mom HATED it.  
  
 **Billy** : Simone decided to spend the night because by the time she was ready to move she was so tired and her feet were so swollen. Simone is an incredible mom. She was a shitty pregnant woman.  
  
 **Simone** : Some people just love being pregnant. Daisy glowed. I hated every second. I was ready to just get her out into the world already.  
  
 **Daisy** : Simone went to bed in our room, it was the biggest and most comfortable. I took Jagger in to put him down, and Billy was laying in the grass by the fire. He told me to come back out once the babies were asleep. And I couldn’t wait to.  
  
 _ **_____________________**_

  
 _ **Halloween Eve, 1981**_  
  
 _ **Billy was laying the the grass, his bare feet playing at the cool blades by the dying remnants of a bonfire. He laid on his back looking up at the clear sky above him. Daisy slipped back outside, covering in an oversized cardigan as she marveled at the sight of him.**_  
  
 _ **“Hey Jones...” he whispered, still staring at the sky. He laid his arm out next to him and she laid at his side, his arm around her shoulder. He looked at the stars but she looked at him.**_  
  
 _ **“You remember our first lunch at the Apple Pan?” He furrowed his brow trying to think about it as she asked.**_  
  
 _ **“It’s ok if you don’t...”**_  
  
 _ **“No I do...I was just remembering what a total bitch you were to me that day.” She elbowed him and he laughed. He wasn’t entirely wrong.**_  
  
 _ **“We got to ask each other things and we had to answer no matter what. You remember?” She was twirling her fingers on his chest.**_  
  
 _ **“I do.” He smiled.**_  
  
 _ **“Let’s play,” She laid back into the crook of his arm, “I’ll go first.”**_  
  
 _ **She turned to him propping up on an elbow as his head fell towards her, grinning slightly.**_  
  
 _ **“Hmmmmmmmmm.....there’s still so much about you I just don’t know....” she teased.**_  
  
 _ **“Really...” His voice was deeper as he realized this was less about getting to know each other and more about teasing. But he was determined to beat her at her own game.**_  
  
 _ **“What’s your favorite part of my body?” she finally asked, confidently. Billy rolled back into the grass and pretended to really have to think hard before lifting his hand and pointing to her chest...tracing a heart there.**_  
  
 _ **“This one...” He smiled and she blushed.**_  
  
 _ **“Cheater.” They laughed.**_  
  
 _ **“I couldn’t decide between your tits or your ass so it was a compromise.” She giggled as he spoke and laid on his chest.**_  
  
 _ **“Ok, Dunne. Your turn.”**_  
  
 _ **He looked up at the sky and and inhaled.**_  
  
 _ **“Ok, Jones....favorite song to sing.”**_  
  
 _ **Daisy rolled her eyes gently expecting something meatier...then realized...this could be meaty.**_  
  
 _ **She laid back beside him and draped her leg across his.**_  
  
 _ **“Honeycomb.”**_  
  
 _ **Billy turned to her and lifted a hand to brush a piece of her hair.**_  
  
 _ **“Really?” He asked. She turned to him.**_  
  
 _ **“Does that make you mad?” Billy sat up, thinking on her question.**_  
  
 _ **“Why would that make me mad?”**_  
  
 _ **Daisy sat up beside him.**_  
  
 _ **“Is that your question?” She smirked.** **He pulled on her until she fell across his lap.**_  
  
 _ **“You wrote that song for Camila. Not me. I just wondered if it bothered you that I loved singing it with you anyway.”**_  
 _ **Billy stroked her hair in his lap as she talked.**_  
  
 _ **“Ok I have my question,” he started...pursing his lips anxiously before he posed it, “Are you ever gonna stop comparing yourself to Camila?”**_  
  
 _ **He spoke gently, still weaving his fingers through her hair and watching her think as his question hung unanswered.**_  
  
 _ **“I’m trying.” She whispered, almost ashamed. He squinted at her, biting the inside of his mouth.**_  
  
 _ **“Daisy Jones I love singing that song with you. I wrote that song about a place...about a future...about a girl who would wait for me no matter what. That girl has always been you. I just...didn’t know it.”**_  
  
 _ **She smiled up at him as he spoke, before turning her body to him.**_  
  
 _ **“So...when did you know it?”**_  
  
 _ **“Is that your question?”**_  
  
 _ **“Yes. When did you know that I was your honeycomb, Billy Dunne.”**_  
  
 _ **Billy thought long and hard. But he didn’t have to. He knew exactly when he had fallen in love with Daisy Jones.**_  
  
 _ **“The night Jonah Berg came to see us play. The first time. And you took to that stage with Eddie. And then...watching you sing When You Fly Low a cappella in front of a crowd that you held in the palm of your hand and you just....it wasn’t just your voice...it was your damn soul that filled that room. I just knew. When I came out and took Eddie’s guitar it wasn’t just to save him or you...it was because I needed to be close to you to see if...I could feel it.”**_  
  
 _ **Daisy sat up, bewildered by his story and how easily he recounted it.**_  
  
 _ **“Did you?”**_  
  
 _ **“I did.” He pulled her towards him and held her face by his.**_  
  
 _ **“You hated me.....” She whispered, a half smile forming across her lips.**_  
  
 _ **“You knew I didn’t hate you.”**_  
  
 _ **She bit her lip and leaned in to kiss him. He pulled at the side of her face and deepened it slightly.**_  
  
 _ **“My turn.” She spoke, breathless.**_  
  
 _ **“No, it’s my turn.” He laid them back down into the grass and took her against his side in the crook of his arm. They looked up at the sky.**_  
  
 _ **“You ever feel like someone is watching over you?” He asked her sweetly moving his hand in the sky as he did.**_  
  
 _ **“All the time.” she whispered, feeling a lump form in her throat as she watched him move his hand like some kind of sea navigator.**_  
  
 _ **“There.” He said, adjusting his fingers to point. He traced an outline of several different stars. “You see it?”**_  
  
 _ **She looked at him and then squinted as she looked back at the sky.**_  
  
 _ **“What am I looking for?” She was endeared by his charm as she felt that familiar energy of Billy Dunne being up to something.**_  
  
 _ **“Ursa Major....” he traced his fingers over ten stars in a constellation, “and Ursa Minor...” he moved his hand and traced a separate grouping of seven. Daisy felt two matching tears escape the corners of her eyes and roll into her hair.**_  
  
 _ **“Big Bear and Little Bear....” she managed through her tears.**_  
  
 _ **“Right in our backyard.” He turned to her and took her hand. She smiled so broadly it broke into a giggle. Billy looked back up at the sky. He pointed again. His fingers closed except for his pointer.**_  
  
 _ **“But look at that one right there.”**_  
  
 _ **Daisy squinted. She couldn’t make it out.**_  
  
 _ **“I don’t see anything....”**_  
  
 _ **“Look closer....”**_  
  
 _ **She sat pursing her lips in thought and tried to look closer as Billy opened his hand and held up a ring, creating a shining new star in the night sky between his thumb and forefinger. And not just any ring.**_  
  
 _ **“Jesus! Billy!”**_  
  
 _ **Daisy all but bolted from his side to look closer. It was the same emerald ring he had thrown out the Swinger window when she told him not to ask her to marry him. The day they buried Bear.**_  
  
 _ **“How....”**_  
  
 _ **She couldn’t believe it. She could tell it was vintage and there was no way he managed to find another one. He sat up beside her and pulled the ring down between them.**_  
  
 _ **“I aimed for the rocks. I’m a hothead not an idiot.”**_  
  
 _ **Daisy’s face was wet from the tears that were running over her impossibly hot cheeks. They stared at each other and then at the ring.**_  
  
 _ **“Oh shit....I guess it’s your turn.” He murmured.**_  
  
 _ **Daisy wiped her cheeks and then rolled over until she was sitting on his lap, facing him. He propped himself up in the grass with one arm and smiled devilishly at her.**_  
  
 _ **She smiled nervously and wrapped her arms around his neck, linking her fingers behind him.**_  
  
 _ **“Ok. Here goes. Billy Dunne...will you be my honeycomb?”**_  
  
 _ **Billy sat up and pulled her left arm from his shoulder, kissing it softly as he did, until he held her left hand in his. He slid the emerald ring onto her finger, and then lifted her hand and kissed her open palm.**_  
  
 _ **“Daisy Jones...I will always be your honeycomb.”**_  
  
 _ **She threaded her arms around him and pushed him back into the grass, pressing her lips sweetly into his as they both giggled and rolled in the grass.**_  
  
 _ **“One day things will quiet down/we’ll pick it all up and move town/we’ll walk through the switchgrass down to the rocks/and the kids will come around.” He gently sang into her hair. And Daisy sang back.**_  
  
 ** _“Oh, honey, I can wait/to call that home/I can wait for the blooms and the honeycomb.”_ **  
**_________________________**  
  
 **Daisy** : I really could not believe he found that ring. I mean it’s just a ring. But...  
  
 **Billy** : I had looked for weeks and weeks to find the perfect ring. I wasn’t gonna throw it somewhere I couldn’t get it back from. Even if I just saved it for you.  
  
 **Julia** : So it was a well planned out temper tantrum.  
  
 **Billy** : [Pauses] You bet your ass it was.  
  
 **Daisy** : I couldn’t wait to tell everyone. Of course I told Simone that night. I laid in bed with her and felt that little girl trying to kick her way out and we planned all sorts of things for a wedding. A wedding I really never thought I’d have. And I wanted to just show up at Karen’s and see if she would notice. Camila and I had a date to work on finishing touches for Halloween costumes. So I had a day ahead of me and I was so ready for it. It sounds silly I know, but I woke up just feeling like a new person. That little voice inside me that whispered that I should be ready for the other shoe to drop? It was gone. I don’t think it was being engaged to your dad that did it. I think it was being able to review our entire relationship under a different lens.  
  
 **Simone** : She was over the moon. Literally over the moon. She had grown so much in the past year, really since becoming sober and settling into a rhythm with Billy. But she was strong and capable and....just really, truly, happy. There was nothing more I could want for her.  
  
 **Billy** : Daisy woke up and made breakfast. Which...[He laughs] I gotta tell ya...she was trying hard. I mean eggs, toast, something that I think was bacon. She took a tray to Simone and we ate in the kitchen with Jagger. He had been up all night fussing so neither of us got much sleep, but we wouldn’t have any way.  
  
 **Daisy** : Billy bounced him and let him suck on his finger while I attempted to spoon feed him breakfast.  
  
 **Julia** : Jagger? Or Dad?  
  
 **Daisy** : [Laughing] Your dad. He had his hands full. So I got to force feed him food that he had to pretend to like. It was fun.  
He finally got Jagger to sleep so we cleaned up and I took off. He and Simone were going to meet us in Santa Monica to trick or treat. It was the most beautiful day. But looking back, probably should have stayed.  
  
 **Billy** : I was putting Jagger down and shutting drapes and lights when I heard Simone yell for Daisy. I mean she hadn’t been gone five minutes and all I could think was so help me woman if you wake up this baby. Then I heard her yell for me and I felt my heart race.  
  
 **Simone** : I think the baby was afraid if she stayed in there any longer I might feed her some more of that God awful bacon Daisy had brought me, I dunno. But my water broke in their bed and all of the sudden I was seeing stars.  
  
 **Billy** : I mean, are you fucking kidding me? I have a sick baby, I haven’t so much as driven a car in the driveway since the accident and now Simone is in full blown labor and I’m supposed to help? I have never felt more useless in my entire life. And I used to be married to Camila Dunne so I should have had some experience.  
  
 **Julia** : Knock it off. What happened?  
  
 **Simone** : Billy’s face was whiter than the sheets I was laying on and he froze in the doorway. I was already in a cold sweat. I had seen Daisy in labor but actually feeling it? Lord Jesus, you know? I begged him to help me.  
  
 **Billy** : I mean I ran to that bed like my life depended on it. I propped her up and asked if she could walk and she was gritting her teeth but she is a warrior and she got on her feet.  
  
 **Simone** : I regretted it as soon as I stood. My knees were buckling. I was shaking. I told him to call Dr. Fisher so he is trying to hold me up while digging through my purse for his number.  
  
 **Billy** : I’m holding Simone against my chest and she’s breathing and trying to stay quiet while I’m screaming at this nurse like a complete asshole.  
  
 **Simone** : I was trying to time my contractions cause I knew they would ask him. But they were so fast, child, I was having a hard time keeping track.  
  
 **Billy** : They asked me how far apart the contractions were so I asked her and she said four. I swear I heard “what for” so I’m trying to repeat the question. It was a mess.  
  
 **Simone** : The doctor told him to get me to the hospital as fast as he could. Then Jagger starts crying and I think the two of us just simultaneously entered fight or flight.  
  
 **Billy** : I hung up the phone and took a deep breath. Trying to convince myself I could do this.  
  
 **Simone** : He looked at me and said...'we doin' this?' [She smiles] I said....yes baby we doin' this.  
  
 _ **_________________________**_  
  
 _ **Halloween, 1981**_  
  
 _ **Billy lifted an already crying Jagger from his crib and gently tucked him into his arm. He had the keys to the Swinger hanging from his teeth and he hollered back down the hallway to Simone who was standing, braced against the door of his bedroom.**_  
  
 _ **“I’m gonna get him strapped in and I’ll be right back!”**_  
  
 _ **Billy hurried into the driveway, grateful the car was as close as it was, and strapped Jagger in tight, hushing him as he did.**_  
  
 _ **“I know you can’t understand me little man but it would really be doing your old man a solid if you could hold your shit together for me today, too. Ok? I love you.”**_  
  
 _ **He covered him with a few blankets and whispered a prayer as he popped a pacifier in his mouth and hoped for the best before running back into the house. He grabbed a blanket off the back of the couch as he passed it and when he reached Simone he wrapped it around her. Her labored breathing was accompanied by low hums as she fought to stay calm.**_  
  
 _ **“Come on, mama, you got this.” Billy wrapped his arm around her back and walked her before she had to stop for another contraction. He rubbed her back and she leaned into him as she started to cry.**_  
  
 _ **“I’m not gonna make it.” She whispered.**_  
  
 _ **“You’re gonna make it. You have to make it.”**_  
  
 _ **Billy reached under her and scooped her into his arms. She yelped and then clung to him, breathing hard against him as he ran to the car. He sat her down long enough to open the passenger door and lay the seat back for her. She stepped into the car and got as comfortable as she could.**_  
  
 _ **“Billy we have to go right now...”**_  
  
 _ **He was already practically leaping across the hood of the car. When he was finally in the driver’s seat his hands shook as he gripped the wheel. She noticed. She put her hand on his thigh and squeezed it.**_  
  
 _ **“You can do this. What happened was an accident. Jake is here with us. And right now we both need you to drive like you have never driven before so I don't have his baby in this car. Please....”**_  
  
 _ **Billy nodded at her and switched the car into drive, peeling out of the driveway.**_  
  
 _ **“You want music?” Billy asked trying to keep her talking.**_  
  
 _ **“Yes please God yes....” she was yelling through her panting and he turned the radio on before holding her hand. He ran one and then two red lights, wincing every time. He took her hand and squeezed. She grabbed his forearm with two fists. He screeched around a corner, honking at cars to move, and she let out a bloodcurdling scream.**_  
  
 _ **“Billy stop the car.”**_  
  
 _ **“What?!” He asked unsure if he had heard her right.**_  
  
 _ **“I said stop the mother fucking car you fucking asshole right the fuck now God damnit!!!" She screamed and Billy had pulled off into the dusty side road before she was finished. Simone was holding her hands between her legs.**_  
  
 _ **“Billy...she’s coming.” Simone braced her feet on the floorboard and pushed back, screaming just as loud as the baby in the back seat was.**_  
  
 _ **“Are you fucking kidding me, she can’t come now!!”**_  
  
 _ **Simone screamed and Billy was out of the car and opening the passenger door.**_  
  
 _ **He knelt by her with absolutely no idea how to help.**_  
  
 _ **“What....what do I even do here???”**_  
  
 _ **Simone was holding her breath and speaking in short bursts.**_  
  
 _ **“Lift my dress. You need to catch her. She’s coming Billy.....”**_  
  
 _ **Simone was crying and sweating and Billy moved like someone else was telling him how to. He reached over the seat and took two blankets off of his son as he lifted Simone’s dress and had to fall onto both knees when he saw that her baby girl was already crowning.**_  
  
 _ **“Oh my God....” he whispered as he put the towel over his shoulder. But seeing that baby girl coming in to the world...he snapped.**_  
  
 _ **“Alright. I need you to take a deep breath and then I want you to push as hard as you fucking can. You’re right mama. She’s ready. We doin this??”**_  
  
 _ **Simone inhaled sharply and smiled at him through tears.**_  
  
 _ **“We doin’ this.”**_  
  
 _ **She pushed as hard as she could, screaming as she grabbed the console with one hand and Billy’s back with the other. He moved into the car as far as he could and took the baby’s head, covered with dark hair and God only knows what else, into his hands...pulling gently as she slid from her mother. Billy had her in both hands and pulled the towel from his shoulder to wrap her. He didn’t know anything about what to do but instinctually slapped her back and cleared her mouth. She wailed. Simone was trying to stay awake and lifted her head at her baby's voice.**_  
  
 _ **“Oh my God....” she whispered. Billy wrapped her as best he could and Simone reached for her as he laid her on her mother’s chest. Simone wept through a laughing smile.**_  
  
 _ **“Hi, you beautiful impatient child, you. You gonna be a handful?” She placed her hands around her so gently as Billy rocked back on his heels...and threw up all over the side of the car.**_  
  
 _ **___________________________**_  
  
 **Billy** : I was no stranger to really blowing birth stories. I missed yours. I missed Jagger’s. But I felt like, I dunno, I feel like that was my damn penance. I had never and have never seen anything like it.  
  
 **Simone** : Your dad lost his lunch all over the side of the road. I’m having this beautiful connection with my girl and there he is dry heaving all over the road. [She laughs.] I’m kidding. If he hadn’t been there...well let’s just say...I believe that Treena came into the world exactly how she was meant to. She healed your dad a little bit that day.  
  
 **Billy** : This car stops. And they hop out and ask if we are ok. Didn’t take them long to know we were not. We were not ok. I told them to go call an ambulance and I gave them Graham’s number.  
  
 **Simone** : I’m sitting there still bleeding in this car and these two women, probably about my age at the time, they are all ate up with your dad. He told them he’d write them a song if they just got him a fucking ambulance. He sat by the door and held my hand, wiped my forehead. I tried to nurse her mostly to help her calm down.  
  
 **Billy** : Jagger was still waiting in the back. If anyone ever asks when Jagger Dunne and Treena Jackson sang their first duet? You tell them it was Halloween, 1981. And it sucked.  
  
 **Daisy** : When Graham ran out into the yard and said Simone had had the baby and was on the way to the hospital, both Camila and I asked him to repeat himself. Like he got the order wrong.  
  
 **Camila** : All I could think of was...did Billy Dunne just have to deliver a baby??  
  
 **Daisy** : He sure as hell did.  
  
 **Simone** : I still tease Daisy about her husband having his hands inside my vagina. And it still makes him squirm. And I will do it til the day I die. I dunno exactly when Daisy fell in love with Billy, but I know when I did.  
  
 **Julia** : Daisy, when did you know you loved Billy Dunne?  
  
 **Daisy** : [She smiles] I think I was born already loving Billy Dunne. The universe just had to toughen us up for each other first.


	54. Chapter 54

**Camila** : So much was happening all at once. We had moved into the Santa Monica house, your Dad and Daisy were getting married and Simone had just had the sweetest, fieriest, baby girl ever. All great things though, so that was a nice change.

  
 **Julia** : How was it for you when Dad and Daisy got engaged?

  
 **Camila** : I was surprisingly okay with it. I think we all knew it was coming at some point, and after everything they had been through… from Bear, to your dad’s accident and memory loss… it was time and it was right. Besides, the world had been seeing that they belonged together for years. They just finally caught up.

  
 **Graham** : It’s amazing how much things can change in just two years. I went from yelling at, and cussing out Daisy in a park in downtown Chicago, hoping I’d literally never see her again, to crying when Billy told me they were getting married. It was just… right, man. You know? Those two were made for each other. You were thrilled too.

  
 **Daisy:** I remember when we told you we were getting married, you got this confused look on your face and you said, “wait, you’re not already?” [laughs] Then I told you that you were going to get to be a bridesmaid and you squealed. I knew exactly what I wanted. I wanted you to be my one and only bridesmaid, your sisters to be my flower girls, with matching flower crowns of course, and then Jagger as our ring bearer. I wanted to find a place in the middle of nowhere to have the ceremony. A wildflower field somewhere private. I wanted Rod to walk me down the aisle and I wanted Camila to play guitar while Simone sang. That sounded wonderful to me.

  
 **Julia** : You didn’t want your dad to walk you down the aisle?  
  
  
 **Daisy** : My father… we didn’t really have a relationship. I’m pretty sure once I moved out, he, and my mother, pretended I never even existed.

  
 **Billy** : She wanted her parents there. Don’t let her tell you otherwise. Her mouth said one thing, but her eyes said another. So… I went on a mission to track down Frank Jones and Jeanne LeFevre. I mean, I felt like I had every right to do so after her little Pittsburgh, “find Billy’s dad” outing. I asked Graham to help me. It took a lot to convince him, but he finally gave in.

  
 **Graham** : Look, I thought that he was just asking for it. I mean, Daisy never really talked about her parents, but she was a mess when we met her, and I think that had a lot to do with them. I didn’t think we should rock the boat, and I didn’t think Billy should be interfering or risking a knock down drag out fight with Daisy right before they entered wedded bliss. But… Billy’s pretty damn convincing when he wants to be. 

  
**Camila** : Daisy was riding high on love. She showed off her ring everywhere we went, and she had wedding books and magazines everywhere all the time. She wanted me to help her, and I know she wanted Simone to help her too, but Simone was really hit with some serious ppd. She was doing her best to hide it, and I think Daisy was pretty oblivious, but I noticed. I had really bad postpartum depression after the twins. It’s no joke. So, I did my best to help both Daisy and Simone. I took Treena a lot so that Simone could sleep or take a drive to get some fresh air or… just take a shower. I wanted to be there for her because Michelle was back in San Diego and of course, Jake was gone so… my heart went out to her. And I never minded extra baby snuggles!

  
 **Julia** : Speaking of baby snuggles, did baby fever kick in for you at all?

  
 **Camila** : [sighs] It did. I was happy with you three girls, but… I was starting to feel the need for more babies. And Graham… Graham tried to convince me that he was happy with the way things were, but I saw the way he looked at the baby section when we were in a store or the way he was with Jagger or Treena. He wanted some kids of his own. So… I went to Dr. Reid’s to talk about options. I didn’t know what my body would be able to do, or not do after cancer and chemo. I didn’t tell anyone that I was going. Not even Graham. I just wanted to hear what he had to say by myself.

  
 **Julia** : What did he say?

  
 **Camila** : Well, he ran a lot of tests, and he told me… [tears fill her eyes] that there was a very slim chance of conceiving naturally now. Chemo had done a real number on my eggs, and… I was high risk. It looked like my time for carrying children was coming to a close. That hit me harder than I expected. I went into that appointment neutral, but I left feeling like something so important had been taken from me. Not only were my breasts gone, but now my potential babies were too. I hadn’t even known if I WANTED more kids for sure, but being told you can’t have them… it’s a loss. I sat in the car at the doctor’s office and just screamed and cried. I was mad at cancer, and mad at my body for betraying me. Then I realized… I had to tell Graham. I wanted to get ahead of it before he initiated a conversation about kids and hit me out of nowhere. [tears roll down her cheeks] That man…

  
______________

**November 3rd, 1981**

  
_**“Hey! Where have you been?”** _

_**Graham looked up from the dishes he was washing to look at Camila, and gave her a wide smile. His face dropped when he saw that she had been crying.** _

_**“Hey, what’s wrong?” He turned the water off and moved towards her quickly.** _

_**“I was at Dr. Reid’s…”** _

_**Graham swallowed hard as he felt his face getting red, and panic setting in.** _

_**“Camila… is it… is it back?” He tilted his head as he felt tears wanting to rise.** _

_**Her face softened. She hadn’t even thought that he would be worried about her cancer coming back. But the last time she was in Dr. Reid’s office, it was cancer related. So that was her bad.** _

_**“No. No, I’m fine. Where are the girls?” She looked around the room searching for them and realizing her house was too quiet.** _

_**Graham’s face was still serious as he grabbed both of her arms gently, forcing her to face him.** _

_**“The twins are napping, and Julia is with Billy. Now, what’s wrong? Why were you at Dr. Reid’s?”** _

_**Camila took one of his hands from her arm and kissed it.** _

_**“Can we sit down? I need to have a serious talk with you.”** _

_**Graham’s heart was racing as she walked him to the couch. They both sat on the edge of it, facing each other. Tears were welling up in Camila’s eyes.** _

_**“I need to ask you a question, and I need you to be one hundred percent honest with me, ok?” She searched his face and tried her best to smile at him, but her heart was beating out of her chest and her stomach was in knots.** _

_**Graham nodded, his brows furrowed.** _

_**“I need to hear you say it, Graham.”** _

_**“Of course. I’ll tell you the truth. Now what’s wrong?”** _

_**Camila reached over and pulled one of his hands into her lap.** _

_**“Are you happy with this family just the way it is? Or do you want your own kids someday?”** _

_**Graham’s face morphed into confusion.** _

_**“I love this family, Cam. Those girls are my kids… wait, are you pregnant?”** _

_**Camila laughed, but it quickly turned to a sob as she shook her head no.** _

_**  
Graham sighed heavily.  
  
“Camila, I’m so confused. You need to tell me what’s wrong because I am freaking out.”** _

_**Camila wiped her face as she said, “I know you want babies, Graham. A little boy or girl of your own. Someone that has your eyes, not Billy’s. I can see your heart and I want to give you that. So… I went to see Dr. Reid today to see what my options were and what was even possible after chemo...”** _

_**Graham’s face was serious as he hung on her every word.** _

_**“… he ran a lot of tests, and…” She started crying harder.** _

_**“Hey… baby… hey. It’s ok. Whatever it is, I’m gonna love you through it, remember?” He lifted her chin up with his index finger and she smiled through her tears.** _

_**“I know. But… I really, really want to give you a baby, and… I can’t.” She felt her tears turning into a sob that rose from the depths of her soul as she leaned forward and fell into Graham.** _

_**Graham wrapped his arms around her tightly and held her close as he whispered into her hair, “You can’t get pregnant?”** _

_**She nodded and pulled back.** _

_**He wiped her tears with his thumbs and looked at her sympathetically.** _

_**She spoke through her tears and said, “He told me that it was nearly impossible to get pregnant now. Chemo really wrecked my eggs and… my body just isn’t doing what it’s supposed to do. I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry. I’m broken…” She felt small in that moment, but Graham pulled her close as he spoke firmly.** _

_**“Now you listen to me, Camila Dunne. I don’t need you to give me biological babies to feel complete. I am the luckiest man in the world to have you and those three precious girls of yours. They are enough for me. You are enough for me. And you are not broken. You are perfect. You are a warrior and your body is proof of that. You fought like hell to be here… I’m so thankful that you are. We’re going to be ok.” He kissed the top of her head and whispered, “I’m just sorry you went without me. You shouldn’t have had to do that by yourself.”** _

_**She wrapped her arms around his back and held him tight.** _

_**“But I want babies. I want kids with you, Graham. Little ones of our own… You were meant to be a dad and I… I can’t give you the one thing a woman is supposed to be able to give a man.” She sobbed louder and he pushed her away from him gently so that he was looking in her eyes.** _

_**“You are so much more than a baby making machine, Camila. That’s not what makes you a woman, and I NEVER want you to feel like you’re not whole, or that you’re broken, just because you can’t get pregnant. I don’t think that. Not for a second. And I won’t have you talking bad about the woman I love. She is strong and sexy. Smart and compassionate. A wonderful friend and perfect lover. She is enough.”** _

_**Camila laughed as she wiped her face and touched the side of his face. He closed his eyes and nuzzled her palm, doing everything he could to hide his own sadness and disappointment.  
  
He did want to be a dad, and her news was a major gut punch. But she meant more to him than anything, and he was going to make sure she knew it. ** _

_**  
“How did I get so lucky? You are… you are the most amazing man, Graham Dunne.”** _

_**He smiled and tried to lighten the mood.** _

_**“I knowwww. You are sooo lucky.” He did a pretend hair flip and she started laughing.** _

_**He smiled at her and got a playful look in his eyes.** _

_**“You know… this isn’t all bad news…”** _

_**She lifted an eyebrow in confusion.** _

_**“What do you mean?”** _

_**Graham got close enough to whisper in her ear.** _

_**“This means…we can have all the sex we want with no thought or concern. Birth control be damned. NO. MORE. CONDOMS.”** _

_**He blew in her ear softly and she shuddered and laughed at the same time.** _   
_**  
“You know… that is a plus…” She started to perk up as she grabbed his face and kissed him deeply.** _

_**“We have what? An hour before the twins wake up? Let’s practice this no condom thing, shall we?” She threw her arms around his neck and kissed him again.** _

_**He pulled back, breathless and said, “Yes ma’am!”** _

_________________

 **Graham** : That was a definite silver lining in that whole thing. We had sex a LOT more. All the time, really. There was a freedom there, and I for one, was more than happy to toss out all of the condoms.

  
 **Julia** : Oook.

  
 **Camila** : We definitely had a lot of fun. But it was still on the back of my mind, how much I wanted to give Graham a child. It was eating away at me. Then…

  
 **Graham** : You were in real school that year. Third grade. And your teacher, Kayla Stewart, was twenty-one and pregnant. It was a major oops. Your mom being your mom, and someone who everyone always felt like they could open up to, struck up a friendship with her. They got close really quickly, and eventually they got together outside of school. At lunch one Saturday, Kayla poured her heart out to your mom. Your mom came home from that lunch buzzing, and high with an idea. 

  
**Camila** : Kayla and I had gotten close over time, and she was seven months pregnant by the time we were close enough friends to get together outside of just me picking you up every day, or PTA meetings. We went out to lunch the Saturday after I had talked to Dr. Reid. The Universe and God were really up to something, that's all I can say. When one door closes, you know?

  
 **Kayla Stewart** : I loved your mom so much. I still do. She has such a calming presence and that was exactly what I needed in my life at the time. I… I had been in an on and off relationship with a real jerk. I mean, that’s putting it lightly. I should have said he was a total psychopath. Yeah… let’s go with that. We had been on and off for two years, but by April of ’81, I was done. He was abusive, both verbally and physically, and I had had enough. I told him we were done and to never contact me again. He… he was a controlling, narcissistic, abuser. He hated the word no, and he never liked it when anyone stood up to him. I broke up with him on April 4th, and on April 12th… [she pauses and begins to shake]

  
 **Julia** : Would you like to stop? We can stop it here and I can fill in things with technical terms…

  
  
 **Kayla** : No, no. I’m ok. I want to tell my story. It’s an important one and it’s a part of your family’s too… So, on April 12th, at 2am, my ex broke into my apartment, tied me to the bed, taped up my mouth and… he ransacked my room, smashed all of my mirrors, then he proceeded to… [her breathing gets shaky] start beating me with a belt, a shoe… anything he could get ahold of… then when I was barely conscious, he tore all of my clothes off of my body and… raped me. 

  
**Julia** : Oh Kayla…

  
 **Kayla** : It’s ok. Truly. I’m ok now.

  
 **  
Julia** : No, it’s not ok. That will never be ok. Did you ever report him?

  
 **Kayla** : [tears fill her eyes] No. I was too ashamed. And I wish I had because he did the same thing to his next girlfriend. She did report him though and he went to prison for a very long time. It killed me that I didn't protect that girl.  
  
  
 **Julia** : It's not your fault, Kayla. You were traumatized. A lot of woman have done the same thing. You can't blame yourself. How are you doing now?  
  
  
 **Kayla** : Thirty six years and a hell of a lot of therapy later… I’m ok. But you’re right, it wasn’t ok. But… that’s the night I got pregnant. I was raised in a super Christian home and I knew that I didn’t want an abortion… but I will admit it was a tempting thought. But then I heard the heartbeat and I just… couldn’t go through with it. I felt stuck and trapped though. Panicked. I had thought about adoption, but the thought of my baby just being out in the world somewhere terrified me. I didn’t want that. Adoption was different back then. It wasn’t talked about much. I also knew I wouldn’t be able to look into my child’s face and see my ex, day in and day out. A reminder of that trauma... no. I couldn't do it. So… I just tried to ignore the fact that I was pregnant. Then your mom came along and… the world snapped into place.

  
 **Graham** : Camila came home from that lunch and she told me everything that Kayla had told her, and I’ll tell you what, I didn’t even know her, but I wanted to kill the asshole who did that to her. I was fuming. Then she told me… she told me that Kayla didn’t want to keep the baby but didn’t know what to do. She had tears in her eyes, and I remember it like it was like yesterday, she said, “I know this is different than anything we’ve ever thought of, but babe… what if we adopted her baby?”

  
 **Camila** : Kayla had kind of thrown out little things and questions about how I would feel about another baby, but I didn’t say anything because I knew I needed to talk to Graham first. But Jules… I wanted that baby.

  
 **Graham** : I wanted that baby. But I didn’t know if Camila wanted it or if she was just trying to do this for me. So, I asked her why she wanted it? Then she broke down and I felt like shit.

  
 **Camila** : I told him that I wanted it because I wanted another baby and that God was laying this child right in our laps and we would be fools to pass it up. Kayla needed help, and that baby needed a family… and we needed a baby. I told him that we had so much love to give and how could we keep it to ourselves when an innocent baby needed it?

  
 **Graham:** We called Kayla that day and made plans.

  
 **  
Kayla** : Your Mom and Pops were heaven sent. I will say that for the rest of my life. They saved me. And my baby. I don’t know what would have happened to me… to us… if I had kept that baby… but your mom saved my life. When she and Graham called me, they were each on a receiver talking a million miles a minute, and my heart sang. We knew we had to do everything above board, so the three of us went to an adoption agency and I told them that I wanted Graham and Camila Dunne to adopt my baby, and asked how to start that process. 

  
**Graham** : I was hesitant because I had heard horror stories of adoptive parents getting to the end of their journey, and then the bio mom decides they want to keep the baby. And Kayla had been pregnant for eight months already by December. She could have been very attached, and I knew that she might break our hearts, but she didn’t. 

  
**Kayla** : I always knew that I wasn’t going to be anything other than the oven for that baby. I loved it. I mean, I didn’t want to get rid of it, but I also knew…somehow…that it wasn’t mine. So, when I met your mom, everything made sense. She was supposed to be this baby’s mommy. Not me.

  
 **Camila** : I wanted to make sure that we did an open adoption. I wanted Kayla to be able to see the baby grow up as much as she wanted to. I didn’t want to cut off contact with her. She became a part of our family quickly. Everything moved FAST. By November she was seven months pregnant and we had paperwork up the wazoo, but she was around for everything. Thanksgiving, Christmas… well, Christmas Eve. She went into labor on Christmas morning. That day changed our lives in more ways than one.

  
 **Daisy** : Kayla was a sweetheart. She somehow fit perfectly into our little mishmash family instantly. She felt like family the minute we met her. I think it was because she was carrying our family inside of her.

  
 **Kayla** : Over the course of those few weeks, Camila told me her whole cancer journey story, and it wrecked me. It made me even more sure of my decision. She deserved this baby and I couldn’t think of a more amazing woman to raise my child. Well… her child.

  
 **Camila** : She had decided to keep the sex of the baby a surprise, so it made it hard to shop. But you were over the moon to have another baby sibling and we were all convinced it was going to be a girl. I was just a girl mom. It was just an obvious. Even Kayla thought it was a girl. So, I didn’t do a whole lot of extra shopping. I still had a lot of stuff left from the twins. That Christmas was extra special. 

  
**Daisy** : We all stayed at Graham and Camila’s house on Christmas eve so that we could all be there in the morning to see you girls open presents and see that Santa had come… you know, all the things. No more split holidays. We were one family. That definitely made holidays a lot easier. Kayla stayed with us too, and I’ll never forget - we all got a 4am wakeup call in the form of Kayla screaming bloody murder from the guest room. She was going into labor. Early. Camila and Graham moved quickly to get her to the hospital, and Billy and I had the unfortunate job of waking you girls up to go to a hospital instead of opening your presents. But you were so cute. Susana and Maria were not happy campers, but you told them, “It’s ok! Our new baby is the best present of all!”

  
 **Graham** : Camila did not look good when we were driving to the hospital. She was flushed and the blood had drained out of her face, and she threw up twice in the backseat. I was a mess, man. I was driving way too fast, trying to keep a screaming Kayla calm, while my wife was about to pass out in the backseat. I figured it was just the stress. I mean, I was feeling a little stressed and queasy myself. I squealed those tires into the parking lot and parked in a loading zone in the front. I didn’t even care. I looked back at Camila and she was holding her stomach and she looked green. She waved me off and told me to help Kayla. I hesitated, but I listened, and I helped Kayla out of the car. As we walked inside, I yelled for a doctor to help my wife in the car. 

**Camila** : I felt like death and I didn’t know what was happening. I knew it wasn’t just stress, but I was afraid I was going to faint. As soon as two nurses rushed outside to help me, I did. 

  
**  
Graham** : Kayla was already nine centimeters dilated. We had barely made it to the hospital, and she was squeezing my hand so hard, I thought my wedding ring was going to become a permanent part of my bone. She labored for like fifteen minutes. Like everything with us and her, it moved fast, and I was desperate for Camila to be there with me, witnessing our child’s entrance into the world. But she was busy having her world rocked in a different way.

  
 **Camila** : The doctor was concerned, and took a blood and urine sample. I was anemic, but something else happened too, and my knees hit the floor when I heard the news. I started sobbing and I couldn’t get to Graham quick enough.

  
 **Graham** : She came running into the room, still flushed, sobbing, and I turned around to face her and presented… our son.

________________

**December 25th, 1981**

  
_**“He’s here, babe. Our son. Four weeks early, but perfectly healthy.” Graham had tears streaming down his face as he presented their son to Camila.** _

_**Camila inhaled a quick breath, as she moved closer.** _

_**Graham handed her their baby boy and she felt like her heart was about to burst out of her chest. She didn’t know how it was even possible, but that baby boy looked like Graham. Down to the dimple on his chin. He was theirs.** _

_**  
“Hiii Baby… it’s mommy.” Camila let out a long breath as she held her son. He was a perfectly healthy, 7lb, 11oz boy, even though he was early. It was a miracle.** _

  
_**Graham wrapped his arms around Camila’s shoulder as they both turned to Kayla.** _

_**“Thank you.” Camila said through tears as Graham whispered his own gratitude.** _

_**  
“No thanks necessary. He was always meant to be yours. I was just keeping him warm for ya.” Kayla smiled as she watched their little family.** _

  
_**Camila couldn’t peel her eyes away from her son as she whispered to Graham.** _

_**“I have to talk to you.”** _

_**Graham’s face dropped and his heart started beating rapidly.** _

_**Doctors were swirling around Kayla, checking her vitals, helping her deliver her placenta, doing all of the after care, so Camila and Graham stepped out into the hallway while the doctors were checking their son over too.** _

_**“There’s a reason I’ve been sick. And it is not just hitting today. It's been like the last week or so. I’ve just been… hiding it.”** _

_**Graham gulped.** _

_**“What’s wrong?”** _

_**Camila felt the tears falling faster than she could control them, and she burst into laughter through them.** _

_**“Nothing. Nothing at all, except that we are going to have to say goodbye to some good sleep for a while because baby, I’m pregnant.”** _

_**Graham’s jaw dropped.** _

_**“What?! How? Did you… we… you said… we just had a baby!” His mind was racing, spinning, trying to make sense of it all.** _

_**  
“We did. Well, Kayla did. And now we’re going to have another one in nine months. I’m pregnant, babe. Just barely, but I am. It’s a Christmas miracle.” She reached up to touch his cheek as he wrapped his arms around her.** _

_**“Damn... I am the luckiest man in the whole world. I really don’t even know what to say right now. It's just... so. many. babies." His face was glowing, and he couldn’t stop smiling through his tears.  
  
Camila kissed him deeply.** _

_**“I guess when you least expect it, the world has a way of surprising you with more than you could have ever dreamed.” A smile spread across her face as she whispered, “Now, let’s go get our son.”** _

___________________

 **Graham** : Tyler William Dunne was our little Christmas miracle. He knew we needed him when we did, and he has been my little buddy from day one. [his tears start to fall] You know, when I told Camila that I was more than happy with just the three of you girls, I meant it. I would have been and never would have thought anything of it. But man, did I need Ty in my life. Being a dad… there’s nothing like it. He healed things in me that I didn’t even know I needed healed.

  
 **Camila** : I was totally unprepared for a boy! But he was perfect and exactly what our family needed. Although it took me a long time to get used to being peed on. [laughs] I wasn’t used to the fountain! That was one reason I wanted to know what we were having as soon as I could. Another girl. I was relieved. [laughs again] But my goodness, do I love my boy. I’m glad he loves me too.

  
 **Julia** : Loves? More like adores. You are his favorite human in the world, mom. 

  
**Camila** : Ok, ok… maybe. I tell ya what though, I never would have thought I would be a mom to five kids… but it was perfect and exactly how it was supposed to be. And my catholic mother was over the moon.

  
 **Billy** : It was something else seeing my brother become a dad. It was like all was right in the universe. We all needed Ty man in our lives. Him and Jagger together… best buds those two. 

  
**Daisy** : Jagger might have only been ten months old when Tyler was born, but my goodness did he give me baby fever. There is NOTHING like a brand new baby. My ovaries were screaming. I told Billy I wanted another one.

  
 **Billy** : I told her she was crazy. We were good. And I was focused on the wedding. Which leads me back to tracking down Daisy’s parents. You’d be surprised how hard that was to do, but Graham was helping me and one day, he called me with a lead.


	55. Chapter 55

**Graham** : I had made some calls. The realtor that found our place in Santa Monica has a line on a LeFevre that owned a little chalet in the hills in West Hollywood. Billy and I drove up there one afternoon and sat in his car smoking a cigarette staring at this house. You know it was weird but I knew it was right. Something about it. We’d been there about, I dunno maybe an hour, when someone came out the front door.  
  
 **Billy** : It was Daisy’s mom. It was definitely Daisy’s mom. I mean, she looked just like her.   
  
**Graham** : It was almost eerie. Same long hair, big eyes. But man she looked like she had been ridden hard and put away wet. She stumbled out to the mailbox like she was half in the bag and it was only eleven in the morning. I saw Billy rub his forehead like he was thinking the same thing...oh shit.  
  
 **Billy** : I thought about just leaving and maybe I should have. But I was right there you know? And I thought, if this breaks bad I’ll just never tell her.  
  
 **Graham** : He asked me to wait in the car and thank God because I had no desire to get myself in the middle of that shit. We watched her go back inside and then I heard Billy inhale and exhale. I asked him if he was sure.   
  
**Billy** : Hell no I wasn’t sure. But I remember Daisy trying to explain to me why she had sought out my dad. I guess I felt the same. She was a part of my life now whether I wanted her to be or not. And she was my boy’s family, too. So...I went for it.  
  
___________________  
  
 _ **Winter of 1981**_  
  
 _ **Billy stood on the porch of a slightly overgrown but still expansive French chateau tucked into the West Hollywood Hills. He turned back to look at his brother sitting in the car parked across the street before running his hands through his hair and knocking on the door. He stood so long he thought no one would answer and he wouldn’t have to make the decision after all. But finally, he heard the lock turn and the heavy brown door squeaked open.**_  
  
 _ **In the same long black floral house dress that he had seen her go for the mail, and holding a glass of Merlot, stood Jeanne LeFevre, mother of Daisy Jones.**_  
  
 _ **“What do you want?” Her voice dripped in a heavy French accent before Billy could even say hello. She took a sip of her merlot.**_  
  
 _ **“I’m Bil....”**_  
  
 _ **“I didn’t ask who you were were I asked what you want. I know who you are.”**_  
  
 _ **Billy swallowed. He felt Graham boring holes into the back of his head.**_  
  
 _ **“Ok then...what I want is to talk about Daisy.”**_  
  
 _ **She took another sip and looked him over.**_  
  
 _ **“Daisy...” she whispered to herself without a hint of emotion.**_  
  
 _ **“Yeah Daisy. I’d like to marry her.”**_  
  
 _ **She laughed.**_  
  
 _ **“And does she know you are here, Billy Dunne?”**_  
  
 _ **“No.” Billy suddenly felt like a sixteen year old and tucked his hands in his pockets.**_  
  
 _ **“A marriage that starts with secrets and lies. Very nice.”**_  
  
 _ **She stood aside and beckoned him to come in. He glanced back at Graham and stepped inside as she shut the door behind them. Music wafted through the dark home and it smelled like wine and cigarettes.**_  
  
 _ **“If you came to ask her father for her hand in marriage, you’re two years to late. He passed away. Which is too bad because...he would have really, really, loved you.”**_  
  
 _ **She stalked him in a circle as she spoke, playing with the hair by his right ear as she talked about Daisy’s father.**_  
  
 _ **“I’m sorry to hear that.” Billy truly was.**_  
  
 _ **“Don’t be. That’s what happens to men who live their lives trying to pretend to be something they aren’t to make someone else happy. It kills them.”**_  
  
 _ **Billy watched her as she stalked him, sipping her wine before placing it on a table and lighting a cigarette.**_  
  
 _ **“Like you, for example. I know you. A man who wants something so badly every single day but tells himself it will destroy him. So he gets clean and plays house. Cheats on his wife because he just can’t help himself and then wants to settle down and pretend again. Like Daisy. Do you think she really wants to drive a station wagon and raise a family? You’re actors. Both of you. Brilliant ones. You’ll play these roles until they get tired and then you’ll go back to being your true selves. Is that why you’re really here, Mister Dunne? To see who Daisy’s true self is? Because deep down you’re afraid you don’t really know her and never will?”**_  
  
 _ **Billy shifted from trying to be respectful to the mother of the woman he loved to not letting anyone talk about Daisy the way she was.**_  
  
 _ **“You don’t know her at all. And that hurts doesn’t it? To know that I know her better than you? That, yeah, I walked away from my whole life just for the chance to breathe the same air as her and she was right under your nose her whole life and you never once saw her for who she is.”**_  
  
 _ **She spun as he spit at her and moved in to him before blowing smoke in his face. as she spoke. He didn’t flinch.**_  
  
 _ **“Oh really. Then please, by all means, tell me who she REALLY is....”**_  
  
 _ **“She’s full of more love than anyone I’ve ever met. She’s a great mom. The best mom. She takes care of people. She takes care of me. She has more talent than most people ever dream of. And she has risen out of an incredibly shitty situation to become the kind of person who won’t sit back and let it happen to anyone else. And I’m going to marry her. And that’s not an act. We aren’t pretending. We aren’t performing. I think maybe you need to take a step back and realize that the things you want to hate about Daisy are the things you hate about yourself.”**_  
  
 _ **She slapped him. Hard.**_  
  
 _ **“Feel better?” He hissed.**_  
  
 _ **“Do you?” She spat back.**_  
  
 _ **“I’m sorry I came. But not as sorry as I am that Daisy had you as a mother.”**_  
  
 _ **“I was never meant to be a mother. And neither is she.”**_  
  
 _ **Billy stepped into her and clenched his jaw.**_  
  
 _ **“I feel sorry that you’re missing out on how fucking wrong you are.”**_  
  
 _ **He left her standing in the foyer and all but ran back to the car. He stepped inside and Graham winced at his very obviously pink cheek.**_  
  
 _ **“So I take it that went well.”**_  
  
 _ **“I need a drink.” Billy clutched the wheel and closed his eyes. Graham put his hand on his back.**_  
  
 _ **“No, man. You need Daisy. Let’s go home.”**_  
  
 _ **____________________________**_  
  
 **Daisy** : You know what was great about that day? Billy came in and he looked like he had been through it. And there was a time I might have thought...oh Billy what did you do. Drink? Cheat? What? But that day...none of that even entered my mind. I just knew something was wrong. I was rocking Jagger and he came and stood in the doorway, trying to smile. But....  
  
 **Julia** : No poker face.  
  
 **Daisy** : Exactly.  
  
 **Billy** : Walking in and seeing her like that: rocking Jagger, nursing him, singing to him, smiling at him. Her mom could not have been more wrong about her and it made me sad. It made me so sad. For both of them.  
  
 **Daisy** : He asked me if I wanted lunch. I told him I’d put Jagger down and be right out. He walked over and kissed us both on the forehead and he smelled like smoke. Your dad only smoked when he was stressed. I put the baby down fast and met him in the kitchen, but he wasn’t working on lunch. He was just standing there.  
  
 **Billy** : I told her not to be mad.  
  
 **Daisy** : One thing I know about Billy Dunne. When he asks you not to be mad at him?  
  
 **Julia** : You’re about to be mad at him.  
  
____________________  
 _ **Winter of 1981**_  
  
 _ **Billy leaned against the counter and faced Daisy. She sensed his apprehension and sat down at the stool next to him.**_  
  
 _ **“Can you try to not be mad at me if I’m about to tell you I maybe did something stupid?” He practically tucked his tail between his legs, biting his finger nervously.**_  
  
 _ **“You didn’t sleep with whoever slapped you on the face did you?” She asked, eyeing the still visible pink fingerprints on the right side of his cheek. He just smirked at her.**_  
  
 _ **“No. And when I tell you who it was you’ll be really glad I didn’t.”**_  
  
 _ **“Ok. What’s going on?”**_  
  
 _ **He lifted himself up into the counter and hung his legs.**_  
  
 _ **“So....remember when you went to see my dad...cause you just...wanted to close some doors or answer some questions or help me with some things or....”**_  
  
 _ **“Billy....”**_  
  
 ** _He stopped and they stared at each other for a moment. She knew. And he knew she knew. She rocked back on the stool and held the counter with her fingertips. She closed her eyes and blew out like she was blowing through a straw. He spoke meekly._**  
  
 _ **“Don’t be mad. I’m telling you because I don’t want to lie to you. I don’t want to keep anything from you. That’s how this works right, if we are honest?”**_  
  
 _ **“Then you honestly should have told me before you went.”**_  
  
 _ **“I know...” He said apologetically.**_  
  
 _ **“And I would have told you not to bother.”**_  
  
 _ **He bit his thumb.**_  
  
 _ **“Daisy...your dad....”**_  
  
 _ **“He died two years ago. I know. Billy I know all about them. I know enough to know that I don’t want either of them in my life. Or yours. Or our family’s.”**_  
  
 _ **“You didn’t tell me...” His apology turned to hurt and she stood and moved in front of him.**_  
  
 _ **“No. Because I knew you’d want to see them. See her. And....wait. I'll tell you what. Let me guess how this went. You tell me how close I am, ok?”**_  
  
 _ **“Ok..” He nodded shyly.**_  
  
 _ **“She made you feel like a horrible fraud of a person. Like you were worth nothing. Like I was worth nothing. And that together we were just fooling ourselves about sobriety. That she never wanted me. That my dad never wanted a wife or a family. That you’re a fool for thinking I will be any different than she is....am I getting this right?”**_  
  
 _ **Billy just looked at her. Speechless.**_  
  
 _ **“Billy, that is who she is. A master manipulator. She hates her life and she wants you to hate yours, too. Do not let her in your head. I inherited her legs, her eyes, and her addiction. That’s it. She’s not a mother to me and she never was.”**_  
  
 _ **“I know, baby.” Billy was still chewing his hands and she lifted hers to pull them from his face.**_  
  
 _ **“Look at me...” she lifted his chin, “do not get in your head about this. She doesn’t know me and she certainly doesn’t know you.”**_  
  
 _ **“Do you think I can stay sober?” Billy finally spoke quietly, giving Daisy a glimpse into just what doubts she had created in him...and she didn’t flinch.**_  
  
 _ **“Yes. I do. But you know what else? Staying sober isn’t going to break you. If you can’t stay sober, that won’t break you either. Because you have me. And nothing you do is going to make me love you less or disappoint me. Look at what you have lived through and you have done it stone cold sober. Do not let her make you question that. Please?”**_  
  
 _ **“I don’t care if she questions it. Or I question it. I need you to not question it.”**_  
  
 _ **Daisy pressed into the counter and took his face in her hands.**_  
  
 _ **“I do not question it. I do not question you.”**_  
  
 _ **He smiled and turned to kiss her hand.**_  
  
 _ **“I mean I guess I don’t have to tell you that she isn’t coming to the wedding...”**_  
  
 _ **Daisy sneered, Really? I mean you got her to slap you...that means she likes you.”**_  
  
 _ **“I promise you she does not. I mean...it was really strange to not have my charm work on a woman. I feel like I don’t even know myself anymore....” he cocked a sideways grin and she elbowed his ribs.**_  
  
 _ **“Oh so THAT’S what is bothering you then. Well it works on me. Why don’t you come fuck me and we pretend this never happened.” She kissed the side of his neck and he slid off the counter into her arms.**_  
  
 _ **_____________________**_  
  
 **Julia** : Did she come to the wedding?  
  
 **Daisy** : She did not. Neither of us saw her again. She died a few years later. We went to the funeral. It was closure I didn’t really need. I never needed her. I raised myself and it was rocky. But I made it.   
  
**Julia** : You don’t have to answer this, but Billy has said that Teddy filled the void left by his father. Did you ever find that?  
  
 **Daisy** : Oh I can answer that. And it will sound weird. But...your mom. Camila was born to be a mom. She raised the five of you and in a way, she raised me, too. And she gave me an example of the selflessness it takes to parent. She doesn’t get enough credit for that. Not that she would take it anyway.  
  
 **Camila** : She said that? [She is emotionally quiet after I recount, with permission, what Daisy had said about her mother figure.]  
  
 **Billy** : Daisy and I were so much alike. I think that was what I needed out of meeting her mom. I needed to see if all that bad shit was reflected in another human the way my dad was for me. I don’t blame either of them. They taught us a lot. Mostly what we did not want to do for our boys. And I’m grateful to them for that. End of story.  
  
 **Daisy** : We took Jagger out to the studio and wrote. That was how we coped. Still do. We sat there, loving each other, holding our baby, and wrote about what shitty parents we had had. It was cathartic.

 **Camila** : We had had Tyler home for about a week, and let me tell you...taking care of a newborn and being pregnant at the same time is a special kind of hell. My body took that pregnancy hard, understandably, and it was not as easy for me as it had been. Graham...and your dad...they kept everything together for me when I could barely stand.

 **Graham** : Camila wanted to have everyone out to share the news all at once...once we knew we were in the clear and she was feeling a little more up to it.

 **Karen** : I had a hunch that something was up. I swear to God The Six were single handedly repopulating Los Angeles County. So I just wondered who it would be this time!

____________________________________

_**Winter of 1981** _

_**Eddie and Karen loaded into her convertible and smoked a joint** _ **_before heading to Santa Monica. Karen stared at Eddie in the driver's seat, where he sat in the unstarted car._ **

**_"What's up? We are already late...." Karen nudged him and he seemed uncharacteristically lost in thought. He turned to her, still not starting the car._ **

**_"You wanna get married?" Eddie just laid it out there. Karen almost choked on her doobie._ **

**_"Fucking Christ, Eddie, what??"_ **

**_"I said...do you want to get married?? Honest answer. Look I didn't think Billy would do it, right, but here we are. So I'm asking."_ **

**_Karen looked him over and laughed._ **

**_"Ok are you asking if I wanted to get married...in general?? Or if I want to get married...to you??"_ **

**_Eddie looked confused, his high not helping._ **

**_"Both Yes. Either. Me. Or at all." He leaned into her nervously. She inhaled and then passed him the joint._ ** ****

**_"Wow you really worked hard on this speech. Honestly? No. I don't."_ **

**_Eddie took a long drag and laid back in the driver's side seat, blowing smoke into the air._ **

**_"Oh thank you, Jesus. I was getting fucking worried."_ **

**_Karen laughed._ **

**_"Wait...you asked me to marry you but you don't want me to want to marry you??"_ **

**_He turned to her and tossed the joint out the window._ **

**_"Listen. I don't want to get hitched. Or settle down. Or make a ton of babies. I wanna just love you like this and do whatever the fuck we want whenever the fuck we want. And if that ever changes....well...so be it."_ **

**_Karen stared at him._ **

**_"What did you just say?"_ **

**_Eddie looked confused._ **

**_"I dunno...which part?"_ **

**_"The part about loving me."_ **

**_He was quiet for a moment. Pensive._ **

**_"Shit. Yeah....I guess I fuckin' do love you, Karen Karen."_ **

**_She leaned across the console, giddy._ **

**_"I love you too, asshole. Now let's go see what all the fuss is about."_ **

**_He leaned in and kissed her deeply, smiling against her mouth._ **

**_"My money is on Daisy, by the way. Billy talks about fucking her all the time. She's knocked up. Twenty bucks."_ **

**_Karen shook her head._ **

**_"Nah. It's Camila. I dreamt about it last night. Definitely Camila. Make it forty bucks."_ **

**_Eddie started the car and laughed._ **

**_"Forty bucks. And if those two dickheads keep crapping out kids...at least one of them better be named Eddie, know what I'm saying?"_ **

_**Karen laughed.** _

_**"If Billy Dunne ever names a kid Eddie....I will fucking marry you.** _

_**They both laughed as the car peeled out.** _

_**"Deal, Sirko."** _


	56. Chapter 56

**Camila** : A lot was going on during the beginning of ’82. But when was there not something going on with us? [laughs] I was finally ready to announce my pregnancy in February. February was also Jagger’s first birthday, and we were all also in wedding mode because Daisy and Billy wanted to get married in April when the flowers were really in bloom. I set the announcement party for the 7th. A week before Jagger’s birthday. I guessed that everyone would probably figure out why we wanted them to come over, but I was excited to have at least one surprise left. I was finally feeling a little more like myself, and I was pretty sure this was going to be my last baby, so I was feeling sentimental and emotional and I really went all out for just revealing that I was pregnant. Probably too much, but whatever. I had the best Mexican food, that wasn’t mine, catered. A mariachi band, decorations everywhere… I went all out. I know Graham thought I was crazy, but he just let me do my thing. That’s one thing I love about him. He never makes fun of me or makes me feel bad about anything. 

  
**Graham** : It was excessive. I mean… this was baby number five. Not one. But I love that woman so god damn much, that anything that makes her happy, makes me happy. Besides, I will never turn down good Mexican food. I had been playing around with some different spices, trying to create my own hot sauce. They all tasted like shit back then, but I was determined. I knew I would get it eventually. 

  
**Warren** : I had my own announcement to make, but I didn’t want to upstage Camila. I was pretty stoked though.

  
 **Camila** : [laughs] He couldn’t wait two minutes after he walked in to declare that he and Lisa Crowne had gotten hitched. He was beaming. We were all shocked, but we were all happy for him. They were great together.

  
 **Warren** : It was spontaneous and better than I could have imagined. We eloped and got married in Vegas. I mean, does it get any better than Elvis marrying you? Lisa wasn’t going to wait around forever, so she asked me one day if I was cool with selling the houseboat if it meant we could get married. I sold it that day. 

  
**Eddie** : I don’t know how I ended up in a rock band that was anything but rock and roll. Babies, weddings, settling down… so not rock and roll. Karen was the only good thing about the band by that point. Thank God she didn’t want any of that shit.

  
 **Karen** : I think that’s how Eddie and I have made it all of these years. We always had an out. We just never wanted to take it. But he loved all of you kids. He’s a big softie at heart. 

  
**Camila** : Everyone showed up. That meant a lot to me. I was really excited. So was Graham. 

  
_____________

  
**Feb, 1982**

  
_**“Camila, Babe, what’s the big occasion?” Daisy walked over to Camila and kissed her on the cheek and reached for Tyler, happily taking him out of Camila's arms and into hers.** _

_**“Come here my babbbby…” Daisy bounced Tyler and looked at Billy with begging eyes.** _

_**Billy laughed.** _

_**“Don’t get any ideas, missy!”** _

_**“Don’t listen to mean old uncle Billy. You want another cousin, don’t you? Yes you do…” Daisy was talking in a baby voice to Tyler, smiling as the little baby smiled back.** _

  
_**Camila looked at Graham and took a deep breath, and Graham called over everyone who had been out by the pool, eating and enjoying the mariachis.** _

_**He walked over to Camila and wrapped his arm around her as she felt the tears rising, surprising even herself.** _

_**“What is it?”** _

_**“Yeah, tell us!”** _

_**Karen and Eddie, still high as kites, were heckling. Everyone else was laughing.** _

_**  
“Well, we have some exciting news.” Camila looked around at everyone waiting expectantly.** _

_**  
“When we went to the hospital to be with Kayla as she gave birth to Tyler, I… I was really sick. I looked and felt horrible, and everyone was concerned.”** _

  
_**Billy and Daisy’s faces dropped, and the room got quiet. The only sounds coming from Jagger, Tyler and Treena.** _

_**“Babe, don’t drag it out. You’re scaring them.” Graham laughed as he squeezed her arm gently.** _

_**Camila laughed.** _

_**“Ok, fine. You know how Dr. Reid said I couldn’t get pregnant anymore after chemo?”** _

_**Everyone nodded.** _

_**“Well, he was wrong. I’m pregnant. And… it’s a girl!”** _

_**The room erupted.** _

_**“I knew it! Forty bucks, man. Cough it up!” Karen turned to Eddie and held out her hand as he slammed forty dollars into it.** _

_**Daisy and Simone rushed to Camila and hugged her, squishing Tyler and Treena in the process.** _

_**Billy walked over to Graham and slapped him on the back before pulling him into a hug.** _

_**“Congrats, little brother. That is amazing!”** _

_**Rod came over and kissed Camila on both cheeks before saying, “Are you ok? Everything’s ok? With you and the baby?”** _

_**Camila nodded. “Yeah, everything looks exactly like it’s supposed to.”** _

_**Simone chimed in as she bounced Treena on her hip.** _

_**“How did you find out it a was a girl so early?”** _

_**Camila laughed, her eyes shining.** _

_**“Blood test. As soon as I had even a chance of finding out what I was having with a decent amount of confirmation, I wanted to take it. No more surprises in this family!”** _

  
_**“Welllll…” Daisy said it jokingly, but the room stopped.** _

  
_**“I’m kidding! Nothing is going on here except the wedding.”** _

_**  
Billy exhaled. “Oh thank God.”** _

_**  
“I’m so happy for you both. Really. Congratulations.” Karen hugged Camila extra tight as the reminder of what HER life could have been, hit her hard.** _

_**But it lasted only for a moment.** _

_**Eddie came over and slapped her on the ass, and all was right in her world again.** _

______________

 **Daisy** : If I didn’t already have baby fever… 

  
**Billy** : I was thrilled for them, but nervous for us. Daisy had been talking about wanting another baby nonstop. I wasn’t opposed to it, but… I already had four kids. I wasn’t sure I wanted any more. 

  
**Julia** : YOU had four kids, Dad. Daisy only had one.

  
 **Billy** : Ok, Miss smarty pants. 

  
**Daisy** : I knew your dad wasn’t thrilled with the idea, but thankfully, I knew all of his favorite things, so we were still giving ourselves plenty of opportunities to get pregnant. 

  
**Camila** : The week after our announcement, we all went to the big pink house to celebrate Jagger’s birthday. It made me emotional to see how fast he was growing up. Or it was pregnancy hormones. Either way, I cried the whole day. 

  
**Billy** : February was a busy one, but March was even busier. We were locking down a location, finding a minister… well, a justice of the peace really, because Daisy was definitely not a traditional, ‘church and pastor wedding’, kind of bride. We were figuring out what kind of food we wanted, and who we wanted there. I know from the telling of these stories, it probably seems like we didn’t have any other friends. We did. We had plenty of friends. But honestly… there was just something different with our crew. They were more than friends. They were family, and they were the ones we did life with day in and day out. So, our guest list was Rod and Frank, Simone and Treena, Warren and Lisa, Eddie and Karen, and of course, your mom and Graham. He was my best man. Because let’s face it… Graham Dunne IS the best man there is.

  
 **Graham** : He did not say that…

  
 **Julia** : He did. It’s all right here.

  
 **Graham** : [pauses] Damn. 

  
**Daisy** : Now, I know you’re not going to want to hear this Jules, but it’s important.

  
 **Julia** : Ok…

  
 **Daisy** : I was horny as hell at the end of February and all of March. I couldn’t get enough of your dad. Like, more than usual. It was almost ridiculous, but he loved it and I just wanted to be on him at all times.

  
 **Julia** : Oh dear God, Daisy. How is this necessary?

  
 **Daisy** : …

  
 **Julia** : Oh.

  
 **Daisy** : So... we were doing it all the time. Every night practically. The wedding prep only helped spur me on. It made me so hot. I had found the perfect dress around January, but it needed some alterations. It was this super sexy, cream colored, low cut, semi hippie dress, with lace throughout. It was super flowy. Even the arms were flowy. But it needed to be tailored specifically. The crazy thing was, I had to keep going back and letting it out. I mean we had a lot of holiday leftovers and I wasn’t really back in pre baby shape after Jagger, but I didn’t know why I was gaining weight so quickly.

  
 **Eddie** : I told Daisy to lay off all of the Christmas cookies and hot chocolate at Christmastime. And the chocolates at Valentines day. But Daisy Jones is going to do what Daisy Jones is going to do. It didn’t surprise me when I saw her gaining a little bit of weight in her face and waist. Daisy Jones was naturally tall and skinny, so any extra…showed. 

  
**Billy** : I didn’t think anything of it. I loved it. I have always been a fan of curves, so when she started to fill out a little bit, it made me want her even more. I couldn't get enough.

  
 **Julia** : So I’ve heard. 

  
**Daisy** : By March, I had gained ten pounds and had to go in for a fourth time to have my already flowy dress let out some more. It hadn’t even dawned on me that I could be pregnant because Billy’s constant discouragement and hesitation just put my mind in a different place. But after that last appointment with the tailor, I went to the doctor. I wasn’t going to risk another over the counter test after three had told me that Jagger didn’t exist. Dr. Reid squeezed me in quickly. Thankfully. 

  
**Julia** : You were pregnant, weren’t you?

  
 **Daisy** : [smiles and nods] I was. I was over the moon excited. I had wanted this for a long time. Tyler had kicked my baby fever into overdrive, but it had started about three months after Jag was born. But then I got scared about what Billy would say or think, so I didn’t tell him. I just wanted to get through the wedding first. 

  
**Billy** : I should have known. Seriously. She couldn’t stop smiling. But I just enjoyed the view because happy always looked good on her. 

  
**Simone** : I was so excited for Daisy’s wedding day. We had talked for years about what it would be like to get married, but it was usually when we were high, and we were never actually serious. I think it took a long time for Daisy to even realize that she deserved love and happiness. Well… it took Billy. 

  
**Camila** : I was just as nervous and excited for them as I was on my own wedding day. The first one. The second one, was calm and perfect. It was just what I wanted and needed. But I was so excited for Daisy. Can you even believe I’m saying that? I mean, the late 1970s Camila would probably punch me in the face right now, but… everything happens for a reason and this is how it was supposed to be, and I will go to my grave believing that. I wanted to help both Billy and Daisy have a great day, so I helped in any way I could. Daisy had requested Simone sing and I play guitar, which terrified me and thrilled me all at once. I practiced “Open Arms” so many times, and Simone sang that song so much better than Steve Perry ever could. And that’s saying something. But I guess there’s just an extra elegance and grace to a performance when it’s done out of love. 

  
**Graham** : I had something that I had been holding on to since right before Teddy died. I have to believe that someone up above was prompting him to do this ahead of time because his death was a shock to everyone, and there was no way he could have known it was coming. But he told me to give it to Billy if he ever got married. At the time, I looked at him like he had two heads, because Billy was already married. But he just handed it to me and nodded. He knew. So, when I was helping Billy get ready on his wedding day to Daisy, I gave it to him. 

_______________

 **April 10th, 1982, Billy and Daisy’s wedding day**.

  
_**“You ready to do this again, big brother?” Graham helped Billy slip on his sport coat that he was wearing for the ceremony, and he turned him around so he could get a good look at him.** _

_**Billy was dressed in a navy-blue sport coat, a white dress shirt and denim jeans. Daisy told him she wanted him to dress up and be himself at the same time, so this was his compromise.** _

_**Billy’s eyes were sparkling, and he couldn’t stop smiling.** _

_**“I am. I’m so ready. I love her, man.”** _

_**Graham slapped him on the arm and said, “I know you do. You always have.”** _

_**The two men stood there quietly for a minute before Graham cleared his throat and pulled something out of his jacket pocket and handed it to Billy.** _

_**“Teddy… he…um… he gave this to me back in ’79. I don’t know how he knew to do it, but… he told me to hold onto it and give it to you if you ever got married.”** _

_**Billy felt tears rising quickly as he looked down at the timeworn envelope in Graham’s hand, looking up at him curiously.** _

_**“I don’t understand… I was married in ’79, Graham. To Camila…”** _

_**Graham laughed softly and rubbed the back of his neck as Billy took the envelope from him.** _

_**“I know, man. I wondered the same thing at the time. But… we know what he meant.”** _   
__   
_**Billy felt the lump in his throat growing as he looked down at the letter in his hand and nodded.** _   
_**  
Graham put his hand on Billy’s shoulder and said, “I’m gonna give you a few minutes. Gonna go hug those boys of ours.”** _

_**Billy just nodded again as Graham opened the door and left.** _

_**Billy stared at the envelope and the all too familiar handwriting on the front of it.** _

_**With shaky hands, he tore it open and sat on the bench next to the window to read.** _

  
_1979_

_Billy,_

_Honestly, I don’t even know why I’m writing this. It seems like a weird thing to do, and I’m probably going to mess it all up and have to throw it away anyway, but some little voice in my gut is telling me to do this, and to get out the things I don’t know if I could ever actually say to your face. So, here goes._

_The Six is on tour right now with Daisy Jones. We’re in Seattle tonight, but that really doesn’t matter. You and Daisy just had one of the best shows of your lives. The crowd was electric, the band was flowing like a beautiful symphony and Daisy looked freer than I’ve ever seen her._

_She’s really something, that one._

_You though… you looked pained. The way you look at her when she is singing… There is a longing there that I don’t think you’ve ever given yourself the chance to realize. It is obvious to not only me, but the rest of the world too. There is something there. A spark that if left to burn, will ignite into a wildfire. I can guarantee Daisy feels it too._

_I know it isn’t my place to say this; hell, that’s why I’m writing a letter and not just saying this to your face. But you belong together. You and Daisy Jones. You two are two halves of the same heart. The things that make her tick, make you tick. Her struggles are your struggles. The things that make you burn make her burn. The whole world can see it, Billy. You make each other whole. If you allowed yourself to be happy, I think you would find yourself being able to breathe for the first time in probably your whole life._

_Now, I love Camila and the girls. With all my heart I do. And I know you do too. You are a wonderful father to them, Billy, and I know you will remain a loving and loyal husband to Camila too if your heart so chooses. But in my honest to God opinion, she is not your forever._

_I have been so proud of the man you have become, Billy Dunne. I have watched you scratch and claw and fight your way out of the depths of addiction to be the man you are today. I pride myself on not being too sentimental, but since you will probably never see this anyway, I’m just going to say it._

_You are like a son to me, and if I had had any children, I would have wanted a son just like you. Addictions, booze, brokenness and all, because all of that shit has made you the man you are today. Be proud of that. Be proud of your accomplishments. It was a hell of a journey._

_Now, in the wild, unlikely chance that something crazy has happened in this life of yours, and you finally wised up and realized that you and Daisy Jones belong together, I hope you are reading this on your wedding day._

_You deserve happiness, Billy. You deserve love, and you deserve a woman who will love every single broken AND whole piece of you. Someone who you don’t constantly feel like you’re letting down, because she IS you. She is your heart. I hope you find that someday._   
_Living under constant pressure is not a good life, and after all you’ve done to get here, I hope you’re finally able to live a life where you can relax and breathe._

_If today is your wedding day, and if for some god awful reason or chance I am not the one to give you this letter (you know, if the booze or shit I eat all the time finally did me in), I hope you know that I am with you in spirit, looking down always, beaming with pride._

_Congratulations, Billy. You’re finally living the life I’ve always wanted for you. Daisy is one lucky woman._

_I’m proud of you._

_Take care of your family, especially Graham, take care of the band, and take care of Daisy Jones._   
_She needs you, and I swear to God, you need her too._

_Teddy._

_**Billy read, and re-read the letter over and over again as his tears began to hit the page. There was a soft tap on the door and Graham poked his head in with Julia right behind him.** _

_**Billy smiled wide as he quickly wiped is tears and opened his arms for Julia, who gladly ran into them.** _

_**“There’s my beautiful girl!” Billy pulled Julia onto his lap and handed the letter to Graham. Graham gave him a look that asked if he could read it, and Billy nodded.** _

_**“You look so beautiful, baby girl! Let me see you spin!”** _

_**Julia jumped off of her dad’s lap and began spinning in circles, the pale pink dress that was a child version of Daisy’s, flowing out around her.** _

_**“Wow… look at you!”** _

_**Billy looked over at Graham who had his own tears sliding down his face now as he read Teddy’s letter.** _

_**“Susie and Ria have dresses like this too, but they’re yellow.”** _

_**Billy pulled her close to him and kissed her neck quickly, causing her to giggle as his scruff tickled her.** _

_**“And Daddy, you should see mommy and Daisy and Miss Simone… they look like angels.” Julia’s eyes were wide.** _

_**Billy pulled her in like he was going to tell her a secret.** _

_**“You know why? Because they are. And so are you and your sisters. You’re my angels.”** _

_**Julia threw her arms around her dad's neck and squeezed him tight, pulling back to kiss him on the cheek.** _

_**“I gotta go help Daisy Jones, but daddy, you look so handsome. You too, Pops!” Julia opened the door and skipped out of it and down the hall, the door shutting hard behind her.** _

_**Graham and Billy’s jaws dropped, and Graham’s face got red out of panic. It was the first time Julia had ever called him anything other than Uncle Ram, and this was probably not the best day for her to try something new.** _

_**“ Billy, I…I’ve never… I’m sor-“** _

_**Billy held up a hand and shook his head, a small smile rising in the corner of his mouth.** _

_**“It’s ok. That’s… that’s right too. You have been a dad to her. To all of my kids, but especially my girls…” He paused before putting his hand on Graham’s shoulder.** _

_**“…OUR girls.”** _

_**Graham let the tears escape the corners of his eyes as he pulled Billy in for a hug. They held each other for a minute before slapping each other’s backs and clearing their throats.** _

_**“So… Teddy always knew, huh?” Graham’s voice was hoarse as he looked at Billy.** _

_**Billy nodded as he bit his lip and put his hands on his hips.** _

_**“Yeah… yeah he did. God love him.”** _

_**Graham let out a long breath as he said, “You ready to do this thing, big brother?”** _

_**Billy got a playful look in his eye and a smile across his face as he said, “Let’s do this… Pops.”** _

___________

 **Simone** : I know I’m probably biased, but I have never seen a more beautiful bride in my life. Camila and I were off to the side, playing and singing **Journey** while Daisy walked down the aisle on Rod’s arm, barefoot through a field of wildflowers, just like she had wanted. Everyone was crying. Even me. It was making it too damn hard to sing! Luckily, I’m a professional so I pushed through, but wow. She was breathtaking. 

  
**Billy** : I’m pretty sure my heart stopped for the two minutes it took her to walk down that aisle. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen in my life that day. I will never forget that picture of her… a white-ish lace dress that flowed in the wind… barefoot, of course… with her hair down and curled, blowing in the breeze, a wildflower crown in her hair, her signature hoop earrings and of course, about a million bangles. She wanted all of us to feel like the truest versions of ourselves that day, so I pulled out my denim and she pulled out her bangles. It couldn’t have been more perfect. But what really stopped me in my tracks… even more than that, was when I walked to the front and turned around by the preacher, I saw the two seats that are usually reserved for the parents of the bride, full. One seat had a picture of Teddy where he was laughing about something stupid, I’m sure. The second one, right next to it had… Julia’s stuffed bear, Mr. Snuggles, holding a sign that you and your sisters had made that said, “Congratulations, Mommy and Daddy. Love, Bear.” I lost it.

  
 **Daisy** : I was doing just fine at holding in my tears when I walked down that aisle, until I saw those chairs. You girls… there will never be enough words in the English language to thank you for that sign and Mr. Snuggles. 

  
**Karen** : The ceremony was short and sweet. Just like I like it. Then we all walked about fifty feet to where the food and open mocktail bar was. We were all surprised when we got over there though.  
  
  
 **Warren** : It was a beautiful ceremony, and a blast of a reception. It was actually my idea to do the picture of Teddy and the bear in honor of Bear. I thought that Billy...and Daisy... deserved to have everyone they loved there in some way or another. I just had Rod and Camila help pull it off. But don't tell Billy or Daisy that, ok? 

  
**Daisy** : Simone… she had wanted to do something special for me. For us, for the wedding so… she made a call.

  
 **Billy** : I was shocked to see the guys from DiVided playing together at my wedding reception. Ace on the drums, Drew on the bass, Conrad on guitar… there was no keys player, so of course, Karen found her spot for the night, and there was no singer, but we didn’t need one. When I went over and shook all of their hands, thanking them for coming and asking how they ended up there, they told me that Simone made a call and that, this is what Jake would have wanted. [pauses as he wipes away a couple of tears] It was like I got my best friend back for the day. On one of the biggest days of my life, three people that meant the world to me, Jake, Teddy and my son, all found a way to be there. I don’t know what I did to deserve it, but I will forever be thankful.

  
 **Daisy** : I don’t think I could have dreamed up a better day. I looked around at everyone who was happy and in love, Warren with Lisa, glued to her hip all night, Eddie hanging around Drew on bass, making sure Karen wasn’t getting any ideas [laughs], Simone dancing with Treena and finding little moments to sneak in good conversation with Ace, which I was all for, by the way. He reminded me so much of your mom.

  
 **Julia** : Yeah, she always said that Ace reminded her of my Uncle Ronny.

  
 **  
Daisy** : Ahh, that must be why. And of course, your mom and Graham, holding each other and looking more in love than ever. At mine and Billy’s wedding no less. The universe has a funny way of getting you what you want and need sometimes, but I am forever in its debt.

  
 **Eddie** : They had a mocktail bar. Who the hell has a mocktail bar? I mean, I get that I was at a wedding for recovering addicts, but I mean, you could at least have sodas or something. People only drink pina coladas or margaritas to get drunk. Not for the pretty little umbrellas. They had water and mocktails. Nothing in between. Maybe some tittie milk for the babies, and grape juice for Julia, but other than that, nothing. Good thing I kept a flask on me. So did Karen. We made out ok. But that Drew was pissing me off. Couldn’t take his eyes off her tits. I know that she wasn’t mine officially, but those tits had a special place in my heart, and I didn’t like another dickhead looking at ‘em.

  
 **Karen:** He wasn’t looking at my tits. In fact, I heard he’s gay now, so…

  
 **  
Billy** : It was getting late and everyone was getting tired. Graham and Camila had volunteered to take you three girls and Jagger back to their place, but they were exhausted too, so the twins went back with them, Jagger went with Simone and you went with Eddie and Karen.

  
 **Julia** : [laughs] Oh gee, thanks.

  
 **Billy** : Sorry kid. It was the 80s. We were dumb. But they loved you so much… it worked out. Anyway, when everyone had left and DiVided was still there playing softly, Daisy grabbed my hand and walked me deeper into the field. We got to the middle of it, and she looked up at the sky and pointed. 

  
________________

**April 10th, 1982**

  
_**“Look, up there… you see those stars?” She was pointing at four random stars in the sky that formed no pattern.** _

_**“Umm… which ones?” Billy squinted as he tried to follow her finger.** _   
_**  
“Those four…right there!” She pointed at the same four again, but he was lost.** _

_**“What pattern are you looking for, babe? Ursa Minor is over there…”** _

_**Daisy dropped her hand and looked at him, smiling shyly.** _

_**“I’m not looking for any formal pattern. I’m looking at four stars that I like to call, the Dunne family, 1982.” She watched his face, waiting for it to register.** _

_**It was late, and Billy was beyond confused. His face was blank and his lips were twisted as he thought hard.** _

_**“What are you talking about, Baby… there’s way more than four people in the Dunne family. Unless you’re just counting our family. Then it’s me, you and Jagger…” He looked at her and she had tears in her eyes as she put a hand on her stomach.** _

_**“Surprise.”** _

_**Billy’s eyes dropped to her stomach, then back up to her eyes that were quickly filling with tears. She bit her lip as she searched his face for a reaction.** _

_**His eyes got wide and a smile spread across his face as he said, “Are you serious? You’re pregnant?”** _

_**Daisy nodded and whispered, “Are you mad?”** _

_**His face softened as he pulled her into his chest.** _

_**“Am I mad? Oh my God, no! I’m thrilled, Daisy. Another baby? Damn, I am good.”** _

_**She laughed into his chest as she looped her arms through his and held his back tightly.** _

_**“Today has been the most perfect day. I never would have imagined my life would be this good. I never would have dreamed my name would become Daisy Dunne, and that I would have two beautiful children with the love of my life, all while writing kick ass music with the most amazing tribe around. God, we are lucky.”** _

_**Billy pushed her back so that he could look in her eyes.** _

_**“I love you, Daisy Jones. Thank you for marrying me. Thank you for loving me back and healing me in ways no one else could. You are my forever, and I will forever choose you."**_

_**She grabbed his face between her hands and kissed him deeply before whispering into his lips, “I choose you forever too... and Dunne. Daisy Dunne. You gave me your name. No backsies.”** _

_**Billy laughed before kissing her again.** _   
_**  
“Ok, Daisy Dunne. You win.”** _

_________________

 **Julia/Narrator** : _In 1982, Daisy Jones officially changed her name to Daisy Jones-Dunne professionally, and was credited as such on the Six’s third, and final studio album, “Reinvented”. It would go on to sell three million copies worldwide and be nominated for Album of the Year at the 1984 GRAMMY awards, ultimately losing to Michael Jackson’s “Thriller”._


	57. Chapter 57

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Then And Now"
> 
> Like the original source material, this chapter serves as the author's opportunity to detail where the people featured in her stories find themselves in the present day.
> 
> And, also like the original source material, this serves as our last chapter. We hope you have enjoyed delving deeper into these complex characters with us...and taking another look at what might have existed outside the lens of Julia Dunne Rodriguez.

**Julia/Narrator** : Rod Reyes managed the Six until they were no more, and then hung up his Manager hat to settle down in Chino Hills with his fiance Frank. Frank got into real estate, and Rod nurtured his love of cooking, changing careers in his mid forties, and becoming a private chef for a handful of celebrity clients.   
  
  
**Rod** : I got to make the food for the wedding reception of Sarah Michelle Gellar and Freddie Prinze Jr, and that is definitely one of my fondest memories. Sarah told me that I made the best duck confit she had ever tasted. You don't forget compliments like that. Especially when I wasn't formally trained. I was an in-home private chef for a lot of celebrities, but events were my favorite. Especially weddings. It really made me want that in my life. Frank had proposed in '89 and we were prepared to live out our lives as civil partners, but... [pauses as he tears up], when gay marriage was legalized in Massachusetts in 2004, we were on the first plane out. We were the tenth couple to get married there and it was a big party. We felt really connected to the other couples who were finally free to love who they loved, and to this day, those are some of our closest friends. I wished the kids could have been there, but it was a last minute thing. Simone and Treena were there though, and that was all we really needed. Simone had made me and Frank Treena's godparents, so... they were our family. It was the best day. **  
  
  
****  
Julia/Narrator:** Simone Jackson stayed close to Daisy, raising Treena alongside Jagger and Dylan. When Treena was fourteen, she was discovered while they were at the mall shopping, and Treena became a model. Simone moved with her to New York for awhile while Treena got a grasp on the industry, then she moved back to LA where she reconnected with Ace Martinez, drummer for DiVided.  
  
 **  
Simone:** I loved raising children with my best friend. Treena and those boys developed a special bond that they still have to this day. When she really started to make it in the business, they would meet up at various places like New York or London, and it was fun for Daisy and me to see our babies fly. Treena called me one night and told me that she was staying with them in France for a week at their Villa, because the boys were playing in Europe and she was working closely with Anna Wintour at the time, who was preparing her to headline her first Paris fashion week. My baby was the first ever model on the cover of Vogue France. She is killing the game - still. I however, lived a simpler life. When Disco died, so did my career. So I became a full time mom instead. I loved every minute of it. Ace Martinez from DiVided kept in touch after Daisy and Billy's wedding reception and we dated for a while before getting married. It only lasted two years. It was on me. The breakup. But I just don't think I was ever meant for marriage. I'm too strong and independent for that. After my divorce and when Treena was off working in Europe, I took a six month trip to Uganda to clear my head and connect with people who couldn't care less about money and fame. It was everything LA was not, and I grew so much as a person during those months. I truly found myself for the first time in my life. I went there to help them; to build orphanages, rock babies, share music with them and help them get the medical supplies they were sorely lacking. But they... they helped me more than I could have ever helped them. **  
  
  
Julia/Narrator** : Warren Rhodes and Lisa Crowne were married in the spring of 1982. Warren continued to play and tour with members of The Six throughout the 1980's as Lisa Crowne remained one of the top grossing female box office stars of that same decade. While they remained close with the children of their bandmates and friends, they never had children of their own. Warren had a career renaissance when he became a celebrity judge on the MTV series "Finding A Drummer" where he worked with several up and coming rock bands and became a household name when he started his own Sirius XM station featuring music of the 1970s and guest interviews. Sadly, his wife Lisa passed away on September 11, 2001 when she was visiting her sister (who also perished) in the first tower of the World Trade Center in New York City. Warren, and members of The Six, started a full ride scholarship for underprivileged kids to the New York Academy Of Dramatic Arts in her name.

**Warren** : Losing Lisa was a real blow. She was my whole life. I love her more every day. You know, Lisa used to say that I was always there for the members of my band - that I just never had the drama they did, so we just got to sit back and watch it. But when I lost her? In the middle of that whole fucking nightmare that was September 11th? My family was there for me. They came to New York. Every single one of them. Billy and Graham stayed with me there and helped me get arrangements made. The twins were in New York, too, and man they were with me the minute we all heard. Susana had lost two friends who were flying out of New York for a big gig that weekend. Really bonded us, man. And Maria was a fresh faced psychologist who... really helped my mind. I had to laugh at the fact that one of the babies I used to swing around and throw up in the air, was now helping me find my sanity. Having your head shrunk by a kid you've watched cartoons with is a whole new experience. But Graham and Billy. They held me up through that. They were my brothers. Always will be. I know she's watching over us and glad we made it through everything. I don't regret a minute of the time I spent with her or with this band. I will relive these memories forever. I'm so glad you did this, Julia. So glad.  
  
  
  
 **Julia/Narrator** : Karen Sirko never officially settled down, but has lived with Eddie Loving in Los Angeles to this day. They are still very happy with their open relationship arrangement. After the Six's third album and tour, she knew it was time to step away and focus on things that made her happy. She loved children, but ultimately chose her career over starting a family, and she went on to be one of the most sought after studio musicians, working with everyone from Bruce Springsteen to Ed Sheeran. She also started giving free piano lessons to inner city children and adults, solely to share her love and passion for music. In 1995, Karen Sirko and Eddie Loving opened one of the first ever marijuana dispensaries.   
  
  
  
**Karen** : Life's been great. I can honestly look back and say I have no regrets. Eddie and I found a comfortable rhythm, and I have loved having the best of both worlds. A committed relationship without the commitment. It kind of became a running joke with us; he would ask me to marry him every year, just to gauge where I was at, and I would always turn him down. He would sigh in relief, and we would go get high as kites and fuck until the sun rose over the trees. I think this year I might say yes, just to see him panic. [laughs] It was actually Eddie's idea to start giving piano lessons to people living in Skid Row. I mean, just seeing the faces of these beautiful people with none of the opportunities I had been given, touch the keys and feel the thrill of learning a song... there's nothing like it. Eddie would give the little kids guitar lessons too, and it was an incredible thing to watch. I fell more in love with him every time we were there. Neither one of us wanted kids, but we got them anyway in those little ones. That was all we needed. We started "High Time" in '95 because we thought it was high time people had access to the good stuff. And because... well, you know. We still love getting high on the weekends, but we've cooled down a bit. I've taken up charcoal art, and my custom drawings are doing well on Etsy. I've convinced myself that people actually like the art and that it has nothing to do with me being a member of the Six.

 **  
Eddie** : I mean, I'm not tryin' to brag but The Six weren't the only game in town for me. I co-wrote with some really fucking great artists. Gaga...Ed Sheeran. And you know what? They even let me play my own licks without changing everything. [He laughs.] We also opened a center for young adults struggling with alcoholism. The Jake Gregory Center. You know the kid that killed Jake was only 19. Nineteen years old, man and his whole life down the shitter. It was for handling addiction, but really it was a center like AA...but for kids. Maria works there pro bono when she can. All of these people that we knew that had lived through what booze CAN do to you if your head isn't on straight. Lots of the kids we, Karen and I, were working with on skills, you know, we knew those struggles, too. No one knew music or addiction better than us. So we are still there to this day. You know, Karen and I are experts in moderation. Of all of us...we always kept our shit together. Helping kids do that, you know, it feels right. I also really got into producing music. I had always wanted to have more of a say during the Six days, but Billy and Teddy made all the decisions. Then Billy and Graham did. But I had an ear for things too, and eventually ended up working with some of the best. I will admit that I did end up pulling on Billy Dunne's ear every now and again when I knew he would be able to give a proper outside opinion. When Lady Gaga was recording her "Joanne" album, I knew that he would really be able to add something to her track of the same name. It was beautiful. The man's got talent, and now I can actually appreciate it.   
  
  
  
**Julia/Narrator** : My mother, Camila Dunne, raised five children and became a fierce advocate for women going through their own cancer battles. She was diagnosed with cervical cancer in 1993, but like her breast cancer before, she beat that with flying colors as well. She started a non profit in 1995 for women and children who lose their hair for various reasons, but mainly cancer. She ran it for two years before she handed over the reins to a close friend of hers, who has grown it to be a worldwide organization with headquarters in multiple countries, serving millions of women and children still to this day.  
  
  
  
 **Camila** : I had a house full of kids in '93. Our youngest, Sophia, was about to turn 11 when I found out I had cervical cancer. It was a lot to take in and then when I had to have a hysterectomy, I felt like, what did I do to piss off God? It was a hard stretch, but having been through breast cancer before, and Graham making me feel sexy and desirable through that, I knew I would be ok. Even though I felt even less like a woman after my hysterectomy, he still looked at me with the eyes of a teenage boy in lust. He has always treasured me and made me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. Believe it or not, my anger with God actually made me closer to Him. I returned to my roots when I was battling cancer for the second time and... it brought me peace. I still wouldn't classify myself as overly religious, but it is more important to me now than it used to be. I started LoveLocks because of everything I went through when I was sick, sitting in that bathroom with Graham, watching my hair fall down around me, was the most emotionally damaging thing I went through when I was trying to fight a fight like cancer. I never wanted a woman to feel unloved, ugly, of like she wasn't the fierce, gorgeous, badass that she was, again. If I could give them some confidence to keep fighting... I wanted to do it. We've had special events and parties over the years where women and their families come from all over the world to get a custom wig, and we have food and games and... they just get to forget for the day that things aren't normal. Graham always performs "I'm Gonna Love You Through It" too, which I told him he could share with these ladies, and these ladies only, and he has a whole booth to give out samples of, and sell his hot sauce. [laughs] I'm all healthy now, and believe it or not, I feel better and more energized than I did in my 20s. That's a gift that was given back to me for all of the hell I went through. I truly believe that. My family truly did love me through it, and seeing all of you kids thriving, some with families of your own... I'm just so thankful that I am here to see it all. You have made me so proud, Julia, with how sweet and meticulous you have been, making sure you get this book just right. Thank you for all of your time, and for caring enough to tell this story as raw and real as it needed to be told, even though I know most of it made you want to gag. [winks and laughs]

 **  
  
Julia/Narrator:** Graham Dunne retired from the music business after the third album with The Six, and focused on his hot sauce business. _Dunne Burnt My Tongue Off_ grew, and became a lucrative enough brand that he sold the rights to a Los Angeles restaurant company that opened the chain restaurants "WellDunne." Songwriting residuals and restaurant profits allowed him, and wife Camila, to fund several non profits and retire comfortably in North Carolina. 

**  
Graham** : It was hard to leave LA, and by that I mean it was hard to leave Billy. But we still all get together when we can. You kids are scattered around the world so we travel when we can. And I finally learned how to make kick ass hot sauce! I knew I had something great when your Grandma and Papa couldn't get enough. If it was good enough for my Latin family, I knew it was a winner. So I made one... then another one...and another. I have five that I am very proud of. But, raising all of you kids to be the kinds of siblings and cousins that look out for each other? That's my proudest achievement. Watching you all find people to love the way I love your mom? I feel like...I did my job. Sometimes I don't know how we all survived this mess to even be here to talk about it. But...I for one, can't wait to read it. [He pauses.] I mean I'm not gonna hate it am I?

 **  
Julia:** No, Pops. You won't.  
  
  
 **Julia/Narrator** : After the Six's final album, my father, Billy Dunne, walked away from a life onstage. Music was very much a part of his life though, so he focused his attention on songwriting and has written some of the biggest songs to date, with some of the biggest names in music. Since he could write from anywhere, he and his wife Daisy set out on a new venture.  
  
  
 **Billy** : We bought Dunne's Record Shop and Resale in Pittsburgh. After "Reimagined", I knew that our life on the road had run its course. Daisy knew it too, but we both still had music flowing through our veins and that's not something you can just turn off. We talked about a lot of different options, and it was actually her idea to buy it in the first place. I was completely against it at first, but the more she talked about it, the more I loved the idea. We moved to Pitt for a year to get it up and running. We bought the old bungalow we had stayed in, and reminisced about the changes that happened in that house back in the day. By then, you were in college and the twins were in high school, so that made travelling back and forth for both you and them, a lot easier. You three loved PA as much as Graham and I did, and I think it was nice for all of you to get away from the noise of LA. When I first stepped back into that record shop, it was a dump. No one had touched it since my dad died, and that was over twenty years ago by then. It kind of became a passion project for both of us, and Daisy was a champ. She'd throw her hair up high on her head, put some music on, roll up her sleeves and scrub the walls until they were spotless. It's one of our favorite places to be. We split time between Pitt, Venice Beach and France, but I think Pittsburgh will always truly feel like home. It's where the boys really fell in love with music too, ironically. They formed a band with their cousin Tyler when they were in the 8th grade and... it stuck.

**Julia/Narrator:** To say it stuck was an understatement. "The Dunne Boys", made up of my brothers Jagger, Dylan, and their cousin Tyler, began playing small gigs that Billy would help them get as favors at first. But with the same iconic blues rock sound that their fathers had perfected, they were quickly making a name for themselves in the Los Angeles music scene and signed thier first contract with RCA Records in 1996, when they were only teenagers. When the original members of The Six decided on a limited engagement reunion tour in 2000, The Dunne Boys were the opening act. They closed with Aurora and dedicated it to my mother, Camila Dunne, who had survived a grueling battle with cervical cancer. On that same tour, their final encore - which happened in New York's Madison Square Garden - was an acoustic version of Honeycomb performed by Daisy and Billy, who were joined on stage by their entire family: siblings, children, cousins, and grandchildren. The Dunne Boys continue to record, have independently appeared in several films, and were most recently nominated for an Oscar, along with Eddie Loving, for their original music.

 **  
  
Daisy** : My life was nothing like it would have been had Billy Dunne not come into it. Or The Six. Or Teddy Price. Or Rod. It was nothing like what I imagined it would be. And I am so thankful for that every day. I used to wonder what might have happened if I had left Chicago, left it all behind, started fresh. But when I look at our boys, and you girls, and the life we have made? I know that this world would not have let this happen. I want to live out the rest of my days surrounded by good music, good family, and watching your dad grow older and grumpier every minute. I'll do that in France, but I would do that in a dumpster with no money to my name if I still had my people. Thank you...for honoring them all...with this. Being a wife and mother was never something I planned on. I thought I would be horrible at it. But I think... it fits me. I love my life, and I know that it was a long road and bumpy road to get here, but I wouldn't change a thing.  
  
  
_________________________________________________________  
  
  
Well, there you all have it. Our re-imagined, re-telling of Daisy Jones and the Six. Thank you so much for sticking with us for all of these chapters. Your support has meant the world to us, and the fact that you love this story and these people as much as we do... means everything to us.   
  
Along the way, we created a special playlist to go with this story. It is full of songs that correlate with chapters, are mentioned in individual chapters, represent specific characters, or just make us think of this story in general. It was made with love, and we hope you enjoy this gift! Feel free to listen, figure out what song goes with what, or make your own opinions of what you think, or even better, re-read this story as you listen. But have fun with it!  
  
From the bottom of our hearts, thank you.  
  
Finn4 and Nashville12  
  
[The Other Girl Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3Hfvy69Lb3iJ0V2EivQCtr?si=v9edpz-FQbau436vHcG1lg)


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